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Author Topic: Laonna/Zhunite/thief  (Read 2766 times)
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Laonna
The Wanderer
Approved Character
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Gender: Female
Posts: 128


Human, Zhunite


« on: June 02, 2009, 03:09:13 AM »

Name: Laonna
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Race: Human
Tribe: Zhunite
Occupation: Storyteller/Thief
Title: The Wanderer (to others, she doesn't think of herself thus)

Appearance

Height= 1 ped, 1 fore, 2 palmspans, 9 nailsbreadths
Weight= 9 heb's, 1 hafeb, 3 ods, 9 mut
Hair colour= Nor Sidian
Eye colour= Eophran brown

She is very slender, but toned with a slight look of malnourishment, her muscles are not very prominent, but clearly defined. She is not beautiful, but could be described as pretty, and has very nearly bloomed into the woman she will inevitably be. She has a small scar just over her left eyebrow, which is faded and very nearly completely healed. She has a much larger scar running from the tip of her left collar bone and angling towards her navel. The scars neither add nor detract from her overall attractiveness. She is slightly smaller then the average women, due to both her age and her lifestyle, and she can make herself look more or less fragile depending on situation and mood. She has not looked after herself, but this doesn't show much, as she has a lithe dancer's body. Her hair is usually pulled back, when thieving, but for anything else its usually left down. When it is down, it reaches most the way down her back, in understated waves.

Clothing

She wears a light coloured blouse, that is so worn it is nearly see-through, and a knee- length skirt that is also light of colour and material, and also has a slit up the side. Her clothes have a frayed look, but she does not look completely shambolic. She has never worn shoes, and has developed a slight roughness to the soles of her feet. If it is adverse weather, she can generally rely on a clients room to avoid the bad weather and so has never invested in any heavier clothing, and if she can't sleep in somebody else's bed, she'll quite cheerfully kip under a bridge or something.

Personality

She is a very laid back individual who is open and tolerant of any body,race,tribal beliefs and cultures. She is very wary of strangers and is overly distrustful of everyone. She has a rebellious/mischievous streak and because of this is not overly predictable. She can also be very manipulative. However she is also a very charming individual, whose outlook, although outwardly pessimistic, is very romantic. She believes that her prince charming will one day rescue her but she would die before she admitted it, even to herself.

She has a playful streak and will often indulge by playing games with the children of whatever village she is in. She is also very stubborn, and it is a very foolish person indeed who argues with her about any of her deep rooted beliefs. She believes that no one should have the right to harm another, except in self defence, and under no circumstances should innocent blood be spilled. She is also quite shy because of her distrust of others, and will never speak to strangers unless spoken to first. Despite her appearances, she is not a lady of negotiable affections, and would be surprised if anyone viewed her ability to dance in such a way, so to this extent she is also quite naive.

Strengths

Fast-
She is extraordinarily fleet of foot, and is quick and disciplined with every other part of her body, however she is not inhumanly fast and could easily be caught up to by anybody on horse or of extremely high agility.

Reads people-
She has the gift of being able to read people and can estimate a lot of detail about people after only a few minutes of conversation, failing that she can almost always tell when people are lying. Because of this she can speak in most dialects with appropriate colloquialisms but can not read sufficiently.

Streetwise-
She is Multi- skilled up to a certain point, and could turn her hand to anything she chose if she so wished, however because of her life style she sees little variation that she could reasonably achieve. This can help her as she can ingratiate herself into almost any company and seem to have belonged there, (very useful when running away from the law, or unsuspecting donators of monies).

Weaknesses

Weak-
She is quite weak compared to men specifically, however she is not totally enfeebled and can hold her own weight, like that of a gymnast.

Trust-
She is deeply distrustful of others, almost to the point of paranoia, and because of this she herself is generally untrustworthy, however the few friends she has need never fear, as the few who have earned her trust/respect, are, in her mind, worthy of their secrets being kept.  Despite being able to read people quite well, she distrusts people as she can't read their motive. She can tell a lot about people, but not why people do things, and it is this she distrusts about people.

Sleep-
She has terrible night terrors which at best can cause a momentary lapse in judgement, and at worst can cause hallucinations and a deep psychological scarring, however she has only experienced the worst once and wishes never to repeat the experience. The nightmares are usually a visualization and amalgamation of the past (her imaginings of her father and mothers death, how she was treated by her estranged relative), and can quickly turn into a physical reaction. This is why she has lapses of concentration- sometimes she doesn't sleep.

History

Her father was a human explorer/adventurer, and her mother was a healer. Her father died after trying to explore the Venlaken Enclave and her mother died soon after of a broken heart, however she was sent to live with an estranged relative, 2 days before her mother died. Her mother sent her to the estranged relative as she believed he would provide better care for her then she could. She was only 8 years old. Her estranged relative was an overbearing, overly violent man who frequently beat and abused her, so at the age of 12 she ran further southwest, to where her relative never followed her. It is because of this relative that she has night terrors and is overly distrustful of everybody.

And so she was alone, in a strange city, with little skill, no friends, and absolutely no idea of what to do next. For just over a week she wandered alone and abandoned, until she fainted near a hovel. When she awoke she found herself in the company of a young male human rogue, (20 something), who soon taught her how to defend herself, how to weave stories that would capture the imaginations of those nearby who listened, and how to deftly lift valuables from those around her. He called himself Ainian, although that was probably an alias. They soon became a very well organised team, travelling everywhere,[/color] one telling stories that would distract anyone within hearing distance, the other, lightening the purses of those around. This continued for 3 years until Ainian was caught stealing from a well known noble man, who, in his generosity, undertook Ainian into his service until the debt and insult was abated. This was after Ainian decided they should attempt Sarvonia, having exhausted all feasible avenues elsewhere. It was with great reluctance she separated from Ainian, perhaps the only person she trusted wholly, and the only person she has ever loved.

It was thus at the age of 15 she found herself alone again, but this time she had at least some skill, and more of an idea of what to do. She quite happily bumbled along, stealing just enough to survive, when she came across Sabariel who was a well known courtesan. While not being overly close, Sabariel, nevertheless taught her the secrets of her art until a rich aristocrat bought her marriage. Again separated from a significant person in her life she lives until she can find Ainian, and discover the meaning of the pendant that was left to her by her father, practising the arts she has been educated in, whether it be dance,gymnastics or her old friend storytelling and thieving.

Weapons

She has very little in the way of weaponry, save an old rusty dagger, which she keeps for emergency's and concealed about her person at all times. She much prefers to fight bare-fisted. This is because she is much better skilled at fighting unarmed as, being on the street she has learnt a couple of tricks. She would use anything she can think of to get herself out of a tricky situation and fights dirty. She also only fights when absolutely necessary, as she dislikes hurting individuals. She has very little educated fighting stances.

Belongings

She has very little in the way of belongings save a dried flower (the Jeshanna flower) which she got from a noble gentleman she entertained and a copper bangle which was given to her by Ainian, which she keeps in a small material pack. The only other thing she has is her pendent, which was given to her by her father. It is strange looking, and try as she might she cannot get any information about it. She has it on an old piece of leather string. The gem itself is an opaque gem, that sometimes looks pearlised and at other times looks completely dull, like an unpolished stone. She wears this about her neck and has stayed with her throughout her life, despite many attempts by others to steal it, usually by the older siblings of the children she plays with in the villages).

Familiars

She has a male Ximax rat, which is more of a companion then a familiar. She has trained it to fetch food, which she then shares with the rat. She neither encourages nor wants the rat to stay with her all the time, and often doesn't see it for months at a time, however it seems to always know when she has particular need of it. It seems to follow her around anyway. She has not named it as she fears that to name it would be to tempt fate to separate them, and apart from Ainian and Sebariel, she feels it is the only friend she has. He has a very sweet temperment to Laonna, but not anyone else. It is an albino, although you'd be hard pressed to tell as its fur is very dirty. It also has a small scar over its left eye, (she got hers in a recent difference of opinion over the ownership of her pendant).
« Last Edit: June 10, 2009, 02:57:37 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

Our remedies oft in do ourselves lie...
William Shakespeare

Laonna
Valan Nonesuch
Collector of Lore
Approved Character
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Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 671


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2009, 05:23:50 AM »

Hello andinesil!

For reasons of being able to attach names to CDs, we do ask that your character's name and your username match. You can change this in the profile section at the top.

We also ask that you use posticons. Since it looks like you're finished here, put up Char Status 2- Comments Welcomed! (It's an exclamation mark if that helps)

Thirdly, you are a little on the shaky side for using capitalization and grammar. It would help if you gave it a quick run through a word processor's spell checking function.

Last but not least, the format for CD titles should be Name/Tribe/Occupation.

Good start and welcome aboard!
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Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
Laonna
The Wanderer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 128


Human, Zhunite


« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2009, 08:23:02 PM »

Thankyou, for your input, I'm sorry about the lack of capitals originally, but i was sooo excited about this character. I have played RPGs before, but I'm not too good on threads, so if I make any technical mistakes (like only just finding the drop down menu to change the posticon) apologies in advance. I have just also gone over it quickly, to remove any misspellings, and to insert capitals, so thankyou for noticing.

 grin
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Our remedies oft in do ourselves lie...
William Shakespeare

Laonna
fionn
Prosaic Waif
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Gender: Female
Posts: 321


Mullog


« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2009, 11:14:00 PM »

Hi Laonna! You're right to be excited about joining Santharia - it's awesome - and it looks like you've made a great character to do so with. I've just a few comments, in yellow.

Name: Laonna
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Race: human
Tribe: Zhunite Zhun is in the continent of Nybelmar, which at present we have no RPs planned for. By all means keep your character's ethnicity here (it's nice place  :)), but you'll need a sentence in your history just mentioning how you got to Sarvonia, where the RPing happens.
Occupation: storyteller/thief
Title: part-time thief D'you not want something more, umm, colourful? The title doesn't have to be literally true, it's more like areputation type thing. If you want some inspiration, have a look round the forums at the titles on other characters - some are hilarious. grin You don't have to change this, but it's what everyone sees everytime you post, and it's a real nuisance to change, so it's good to get it as flamboyantly individual as possible.

Appearance

Height= 1 ped, 1 fore, 2 palmspans, 9 nailsbreadths (5 ft 4) you don't need to add the terran (earth) measuremennts or colour names.
Weight= 9 Heb's, 1 hafeb, 3 ods, 9 mut ( 7 stn 11)
Hair colour= Nor Sidian (dark black)
Eye colour= Eophran brown

She is very slender, but toned with a slight look of malnourishment, her muscles are not very prominent, but clearly defined. she is not beautiful, but could be described as pretty, and has very nearly bloomed into the woman she will inevitably be. She has a small scar just over her left eyebrow, which is faded and very nearly completely healed, she has a much larger scar running from the tip of her left collar bone and angling towards her navel. The scars neither add nor detract from her overall attractiveness. She is slightly smaller then the average women, due to both her age and her lifestyle, and she can make herself look more or less fragile depending on situation and mood. She has not looked after herself, but this doesn't show much, as she has a lithe dancer's body.

Clothing

She wears a light coloured blouse, that is so worn it is nearly see-through, and a knee- length skirt that is also light of colour and material, and also has a slit up the side. Her clothes have a frayed look, but she does not look completely shambolic. Does she wear shoes? and what if she's cold, or it's pouring down? Alittle extra detail is always welcome.

Personality

She is a very laid back individual who is open and tolerant of any bodies/races/tribes, consider commas instead of slashes, it'll make the sentence seem more natural. I think. beliefs and cultures. She is very weary< wary? of strangers and is overly distrustful of everyone. She has a rebellious/mischievous streak and because of this is not overly predictable. she can also be very manipulative. However she is also a very charming individual, whose outlook, although outwardly pessimistic, is very romantic. She believes that her prince charming will one day rescue her but she would die before she admitted it, even to herself. She has a playful streak and will often indulge by playing games with the children of whatever village she is in. She is also very stubborn, and it is a very foolish person indeed who argues with her about any of her deep rooted beliefs. Which are? missed a space hereShe is also quite shy because of her distrust of others, and will never speak to strangers unless spoken to first.
Nicely put. could you break your sections, or atleast the slightly longer ones like this, into smaller paragraphs with spaces in between? it makes it a lot easier to comment, and to find individual parts of the text.

Strengths

Fast-
She is extraordinarily fleet of foot, and is quick and disciplined with every other part of her body, however she is not inhumanly fast and could easily be caught up to by anybody on horse or of extremely high agility.

Reads people-
She has the gift of being able to read people and can estimate a lot of detail about people after only a few minutes of conversation (usually only with humans), failing that she can almost always tell when people are lying. If she's tolerant of diversity, and reasonably worldly-wide, there's no real reason why she should be any less adept at reading non human exoressions than human. Elves, dwarves, hobbits, brownies, orcs and mullogs (have I forgotten any?) haven't any major differences in body language, expression, etc to humans. Rces that might pose problems, such as the psyrpent, are usually either very uncommon or prohibited altogether, so she's unlikely to encounter them anyway. this is potentially a really useful strength - you've no need to mitigate it by confing yourself to human expressions.  :)

Streetwise-
She is multi-skilled up to a certain point, and could turn her hand to anything she chose if she so wished, however because of her life style she sees little variation that she could reasonably achieve. a bit more detail, please? how does this help her? really you could do with a wee bit more detail on all strengths and weaknesses - we like a short paragraph (two to three sentences) for each one.

Weaknesses

Weak-
She is quite weak compared to men specifically, however she is not totally enfeebled and can hold her own weight, like that of a gymnast.

Trust-
She is deeply distrustful of others, almost to the point of paranoia, and because of this she herself is generally untrustworthy, however the few friends she has need never fear, as the few who have earned her trust/respect, are, in her mind, worthy of their secrets being kept.

Sleep-
She has terrible night terrors which at best can cause a momentary lapse in judgement, and at worse can cause hallucinations and a deep psychological scarring, however she has only experienced the worst once and wishes never to repeat the experience. You might want to add a little bit in your personality section about this. Its an interesting trait, could definitely use more detail - what form do the nightmares take? that kinda thing.

History
another very blocky lump of text. I'll break it up, but if you can think of better points to do so, please do.

Her father was a human explorer/adventurer, and her mother was a healer. Her father died after trying to explore the Venlaken Enclave nice use of the map sections! I love it when they do research! Thumb up and her mother died soon after of a broken heart, however she was sent to live with an estranged relative, 2 days before her mother died. before? was her mother very ill, then? or did she decide she couldn't let her daughter watch her die, or what? I'm intrigued, could we have a little more detail here?She was only 8 years old. Her estranged relative was an overbearing, overly violent man who frequently beat and abused her, so at the age of 12 she ran further southwest, to where her relative never followed her. It is because of this relative that she has night terrors and is overly distrustful of everybody.

 And so she was alone, in a strange city, with little skill, no friends, and absolutely no idea of what to do next. For just over a week she wandered alone and abandoned, until she fainted near a hovel. When she awoke she found herself in the company of a young male human rogue, (20 something), who soon taught her how to defend herself, how to weave stories that would capture the imaginations of those nearby who listened, and how to deftly lift valuables from those around her. His name was Ainian. They soon became a very well organised team, one telling stories that would distract anyone within hearing distance, the other, lightening the purses of those around. This continued for 3 years until Ainian was caught stealing from a well known noble man, who, in his generosity, undertook Ainian into his service until the debt and insult was abated. It was with great reluctance she separated from Ainian, perhaps the only person she trusted wholly, and the only person she has ever loved.

It was thus at the age of 15 she found herself alone again, but this time she had at least some skill, and more of an idea of what to do. she quite happily bumbled along, stealing just enough to survive, when she came across Sabariel who was a well known courtesan. While not being overly close, Sabariel, nevertheless taught her the secrets of her art until a rich aristocrat bought her marriage. Again separated from a significant person in her life she lives until she can find Ainian, and discover the meaning of the pendant that was left to her by her father, practising the arts she has been educated in, whether it be dance/gymnastics or her old friend storytelling/ thieving. It's a well written, simply put history, that gives you lots to work with whilst you RP, without burdening you with too much of a past to drag along. nice job. the only suggestion I have I've already said - a sentence explaing when and maybe why she got to Sarvonia would be very useful.

Weapons

She has very little in the way of weaponry, save an old rusty dagger, which she keeps for emergencys, concealed about her person at all times. She much prefers to fight bare-fisted. How good is she, both with the dagger and her fists? is she experienced, a dirty fighter or more honourable? refined or brawly (that's not a word, is it?) more detail would be nice, please.

Belongings

She has very little in the way of belongings save a dried flower what kind? look in the herbarium, there's loads which she got from a noble gentleman she entertained and a copper bangle which was given to her by Ainian, which she keeps in a small material pack. The only other thing she has is pendant, which was given to her by her father. It is strange looking, how so? give us a bit of a description? and try as she might she cannot get any information about it. She wears this about her neck and it has stayed with her throughout her life, despite many attempts by others to steal it. So does it look valuable? please, tell us more? grin

Familiars

She has a male rat, what kind? we've got loads! which is more of a companion than a familiar. She has trained it to fetch food, which she then shares with the rat. She neither encourages nor wants the rat to stay with her all the time, and often doesn't see it for months at a time, however it seems to always know when she has particular need of it. She has not named it as she fears that to name it would be to tempt fate to separate them, and apart from Ainian and Sebariel, she feels it is the only friend she has.  Aww. does it have much of a personality? and what colour is it? any distinguishing features that help her recognise it as her rat?

A great start, Laonna!  Thumb up in a few of your sections you could do with more detail, but really ther doesn't look to be any big problems here. well done!
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"If it's teeth are longer than your fingers, for the Ancestors' sake, assume it doesn't want it's belly tickled..."
Fionn's CD
Laonna
The Wanderer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 128


Human, Zhunite


« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2009, 12:46:26 AM »

Thankyou!!! I'm not sure how to insert the whole thing, so I've just highlighted any changes or additions in orange.
Hope its ok now, and thanks again for your time and help.

 :D
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Our remedies oft in do ourselves lie...
William Shakespeare

Laonna
Laonna
The Wanderer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 128


Human, Zhunite


« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2009, 07:47:14 PM »

This is just a post to get myself off of the dreaded second page and make me easier to find!

Logged

Our remedies oft in do ourselves lie...
William Shakespeare

Laonna
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2009, 09:58:18 AM »

Hey dear! I am here with some comments real fast. You have really added a lot of detail and body to her, and I commend you for that :D
Quote
Name: Laonna
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Race: Human
Tribe: Zhunite
Occupation: Storyteller/Thief
Title: The Wanderer (to others, she doesn't think of herself thus)

Appearance

Height= 1 ped, 1 fore, 2 palmspans, 9 nailsbreadths
Weight= 9 heb's, 1 hafeb, 3 ods, 9 mut
Hair colour= Nor'sidian (dark black)
Eye colour= Eophran brown

She is very slender, but toned with a slight look of malnourishment, her muscles are not very prominent, but clearly defined. She is not beautiful, but could be described as pretty, and has very nearly bloomed into the woman she will inevitably be. She has a small scar just over her left eyebrow, which is faded and very nearly completely healed, she has a much larger scar running from the tip of her left collar bone and angling towards her navel. The scars neither add nor detract from her overall attractiveness. She is slightly smaller then the average women, due to both her age and her lifestyle, and she can make herself look more or less fragile depending on situation and mood. She has not looked after herself, but this doesn't show much, as she has a lithe dancer's body. Her hair is usually pulled back, when thieving, but for anything else its usually left down. When it is down, it reaches most the way down her back, in understated waves.

Clothing

She wears a light coloured blouse, that is so worn it is nearly see-through, and a knee- length skirt that is also light of colour and material, and also has a slit up the side. Her clothes have a frayed look, but she does not look completely shambolic.(space)She has never worn shoes, and has developed a slight roughness to the soles of her feet. If it is adverse weather, she can generally rely on a clients room to avoid the bad weather and so has never invested in any heavier clothing, and if she can't sleep in somebody else's bed, she'll quite cheerfully kip under a bridge or something.

Personality

She is a very laid back individual who is open and tolerant of any body, race, tribal beliefs and cultures. She is very wary of strangers and is overly distrustful of everyone. She has a rebellious/mischievous streak and because of this is not overly predictable. She can also be very manipulative. However she is also a very charming individual, whose outlook, although outwardly pessimistic, is very romantic. She believes that her prince charming will one day rescue her but she would die before she admitted it, even to herself.

She has a playful streak and will often indulge by playing games with the children of whatever village she is in. She is also very stubborn, and it is a very foolish person indeed who argues with her about any of her deep rooted beliefs. She believes that no one should have the right to harm another, except in self defence, and under no circumstances should innocent blood be spilled. She is also quite shy because of her distrust of others, and will never speak to strangers unless spoken to first. Despite her appearances, she is not a lady of negotiable affections, and would be surprised if anyone viewed her ability to dance in such a way, so to this extent she is also quite naive.

Strengths

Fast-
She is extraordinarily fleet of foot, and is quick and disciplined with every other part of her body, however she is not inhumanly fast and could easily be caught up to by anybody on horse or of extremely high agility.

Reads people-
She has the gift of being able to read people and can estimate a lot of detail about people after only a few minutes of conversation, failing that she can almost always tell when people are lying. Because of this she can speak in most dialects with appropriate colloquialisms but can not read sufficiently.

Streetwise-
She is Multi- skilled up to a certain point, and could turn her hand to anything she chose if she so wished, however because of her life style she sees little variation that she could reasonably achieve. This can help her as she can ingratiate herself into almost any company and seem to have belonged there, (very useful when running away from the law, or unsuspecting donators of monies).

Weaknesses

Weak-
She is quite weak compared to men specifically, however she is not totally enfeebled and can hold her own weight, like that of a gymnast.

Trust-
She is deeply distrustful of others, almost to the point of paranoia, and because of this she herself is generally untrustworthy, however the few friends she has need never fear, as the few who have earned her trust/respect, are, in her mind, worthy of their secrets being kept. I keep feeling a clash in personality here and there with the openness, yet distrust. There is something not rubbing right which caught me again, but I can't put my finger on it directly.

Sleep-
She has terrible night terrors which at best can cause a momentary lapse in judgement, and at worse can cause hallucinations and a deep psychological scarring, however she has only experienced the worst once and wishes never to repeat the experience. The nightmares are usually a visualization and amalgamation of the past (her imaginings of her father and mothers death, how she was treated by her estranged relative), and can quickly turn into a physical reaction. This is why she has lapses of concentration- sometimes she doesn't sleep.

History

Her father was a human explorer/adventurer, and her mother was a healer. Her father died after trying to explore the Venlaken Enclave and her mother died soon after of a broken heart, however she was sent to live with an estranged relative, 2 days before her mother died. Her mother sent her to the estranged relative as she believed he would provide better care for her then she could. She was only 8 years old. Her estranged relative was an overbearing, overly violent man who frequently beat and abused her, so at the age of 12 she ran further southwest, to where her relative never followed her. It is because of this relative that she has night terrors and is overly distrustful of everybody.

And so she was alone, in a strange city, with little skill, no friends, and absolutely no idea of what to do next. For just over a week she wandered alone and abandoned, until she fainted near a hovel. When she awoke she found herself in the company of a young male human rogue, (20 something), who soon taught her how to defend herself, how to weave stories that would capture the imaginations of those nearby who listened, and how to deftly lift valuables from those around her. He called himself Ainian, although that was probably an alias. They soon became a very well organised team, travelling everywhere, one telling stories that would distract anyone within hearing distance, the other, lightening the purses of those around. This continued for 3 years until Ainian was caught stealing from a well known noble man, who, in his generosity, undertook Ainian into his service until the debt and insult was abated. This was after Ainian decided they should attempt Sarvonia, having exhausted all feasible avenues elsewhere. It was with great reluctance she separated from Ainian, perhaps the only person she trusted wholly, and the only person she has ever loved.

It was thus at the age of 15 she found herself alone again, but this time she had at least some skill, and more of an idea of what to do. she quite happily bumbled along, stealing just enough to survive, when she came across Sabariel who was a well known courtesan. While not being overly close, Sabariel, nevertheless taught her the secrets of her art until a rich aristocrat bought her marriage. Again separated from a significant person in her life she lives until she can find Ainian, and discover the meaning of the pendant that was left to her by her father, practising the arts she has been educated in, whether it be dance,gymnastics or her old friend storytelling and thieving.

Weapons

She has very little in the way of weaponry, save an old rusty dagger, which she keeps for emergency's and concealed about her person at all times. She much prefers to fight bare-fisted.This is because she is much better skilled at fighting unarmed as, being on the street she has learnt a couple of tricks. She would use anything she can think of to get herself out of a tricky situation and fights dirty. She also only fights when absolutely necessary, as she dislikes hurting individuals. She has very little educated fighting stances.

Belongings

She has very little in the way of belongings save a dried flower (the Jeshanna flower)  which she got from a noble gentleman she entertained and a copper bangle which was given to her by Ainian, which she keeps in a small material pack. The only other thing she has is pendent, which was given to her by her father. It is strange looking, and try as she might she cannot get any information about it. She has it on an old piece of leather string. The gem itself is an opaque gem, that sometimes looks pearlised and at other times looks completely dull, like an unpolished stone. She wears this about her neck and has stayed with her throughout her life, despite many attempts by others to steal it, (usually by the older siblings of the children she plays with in the villages).

Familiars

She has a male Ximax rat, which is more of a companion then a familiar. She has trained it to fetch food, which she then shares with the rat. She neither encourages nor wants the rat to stay with her all the time, and often doesn't see it for months at a time, however it seems to always know when she has particular need of it. It seems to follow her around anyway. She has not named it as she fears that to name it would be to tempt fate to separate them, and apart from Ainian and Sebariel, she feels it is the only friend she has. He has a very sweet temperment to Laonna, but not anyone else. It is an albino, although you'd be hard pressed to tell as its fur is very dirty. It also has a small scar over its left eye, (she got hers in a recent 'difference of opinion over the ownership of her pendant).

Much better than the first round! It is still simple, yet we have a clearer vision of who this person is and what they are capable of. Well done. There were just a few things, not much, which could be cleaned up and taken care of for titlement. Since the issues I mentioned were fairly minor and easy fixes (mostly), you have my approval as long as they are fixed up.


~First Approval~
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Laonna
The Wanderer
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« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2009, 07:04:17 PM »

Thankyou for your help, I've fixed it up, but I'm not completely sure what to do about your other comment of how it doesn't feel right....
I've added a sentence just to clarify it a little bit, hopefully that solved it,

 grin
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Our remedies oft in do ourselves lie...
William Shakespeare

Laonna
Garret Arroway
The Wolfling
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Human, Kyranian


« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2009, 01:16:53 AM »

Second Approval. Remove the color and Kali can come by and title ya. :)
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Before you kill him, think of what you take from him. Remember what it is to be alive.
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Laonna
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« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2009, 02:35:05 AM »

Yay thankyou!!

 grin
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Our remedies oft in do ourselves lie...
William Shakespeare

Laonna
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2009, 02:58:02 AM »

Titled and Archived :D
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
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