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Author Topic: Thodin "Coldflame" Lomin _- Proudmen -_ Cutpurse/Gentleman  (Read 4760 times)
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Thodin Coldflame Lomin
The Cutpurse Gentleman
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Gender: Male
Posts: 488


Human, Erpheronian


« on: June 14, 2009, 10:28:03 PM »

Name
Birth
: Thodin "Coldflame" Lomin

Gender:
Male

Age:
32

Race:
Human

Tribe:
Erpheronians (Proudmen)

Occupation:
Thief/Gentleman

Title:
The Cutpurse Gentleman

Appearance:
Height: 1 Peds, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 8 Nailsbreadths
Weight: 1 Pygge, 5 Hebs, 1 Od, 5 Mut.
Hair Color: Nor'sidian
Eye Color: Charcoal

Physical Appearance
The Proudmen earned their names from not only their mannerisms, but their physique as well. Thodin epitomizes the idea of "pride" in his appearance. As many have written about the Proudmen, the visage of Thodin's face can only be described as piercing, and unblemished. Though his eyes are a dark shade of charcoal they have their own personal sharpness. Despite keeping his tumble of nor'sidian colored hair in a tight pony-tail, the long strands of hair manage to find their way out of the tight knot. In contrast Thodin's skin is a cool shade of white that accentuates his dark eyelashes, eyebrows, and vermilion lips.

Thodin has a lightly muscled frame, though at first glance he may appear wiry. The majority of Thodin's body seems to be comprised of sharp angles and appears to lack any real curves. Thanks to years of hard work, and daily workout he maintains a powerful physique though the lack of real competition has allowed him to let go a little and a slight paunch might be seen if looked for. Several healed over scars crisscross Thodin's arms, legs, chest, and back. Both hours of working out, and years of hard marches and training have lead to a very well cut figure. Thodin has a naturally athletic look, and he moves like one who owns the very earth he walks on. Pride of course has it's own small part to play in that.

Clothing
Born with an obvious lack of blond, or red in his complexion, Thodin makes up for it with his fiery clothing. The majority of his tunics are died a beautiful Aeruillian Red with various floral patterns in a Teki Red colour. In addition to the three tunics of Aeruillian Red, Thodin has also stolen another tunic of Xazure with a flame pattern of Karikrimson. Underneath his fine tunics however, Thodin wears an extremely raggedy nor'sidian Shendar style shirt. In conjunction with the shirt, Thodin constantly wears a matching pair of loose fitting pants of the same shade. Through any season, Thodin rarely wears anything else, though on occasion he may steal a scarf or sweater of no particular quality in winter. In turn he will loose the scarf or sweater through simple forgetfulness. By way of shoes, Thodin wears shoes so thick that they could easily be mistaken for boots of Nor'sidian leather. Needless to say, thieving needed to be done in style.

Personality
From birth, the expectations of family, friends, and peers have hardened Thodin's heart to everyone. In his mind people are only out to benefit from one another and as such he should do the same. It is because of this that Thodin is unable to see the good in any person he meets. Though on the outside he appears good humoured, and slightly eccentric, Thodin's mind is constantly surrounded by cunning thoughts, tricks and plans. From this mindset, Thodin is willing to do anything to increase his own ambition and take himself farther in life.

Thodin views himself as an intelligent, freespirited, and confident individual. Born as one of the descendants of King Erdolomin, Thodin was born with natural charisma, an enchanting voice, and an overall aura of confidence. In both the way he moves and thinks Thodin believes that when it come to stealing, swordplay or charming the ladies he is one of more suave individuals. Obviously he can appear conceited, but he would never admit to being too full of himself.

The Lomin family, though noble heritage, follows no gods, and as such Thodin is himself an atheist. From birth he was always taught to be strict and confident, as such he is unable to take a joke, and can rarely understand sarcasm or a play on words. Though unable to perform, Thodin has a passion for various string musics. In Thodin's opinion music is something meant to show one's wealth, and appreciation for those talented in something other than combat. This same appreciation is something that Thodin reserves solely for musicians, and magicians. Having never seen magic in his homeland, Thodin's discovery of it has left extremely interested in the art itself. Though he refrains from actually attempting to learn it, and as such finds that conversations involving magic are dull where as the actual doing of magic is always something magnificent.

Strengths:
Knowledge - Nobility - Having traveled a great deal after his exile, Thodin has been through many cities, and under the guise of a nobleman has met many of the well noted noble across the continent. Though he is unable to call on favors, or ask for assistance he has a firm knowledge of the personalities of the nobles, and the roles that they play in society. In turn he does his own fair share of gossiping and lying about his various acquaintances, especially when it will help him get a meal or find a place to stay the night.

Long-Limbs - When used at the right moment or in a certain situation, various weaknesses can easily turn into strengths, although the opposite is also the same. The incredible length of Thodin's limbs allow him a formidable reach when fighting, and stretching to pick up things. His legs are equally lengthy and are extremely helpful, particularly when running away from violent landlords, and lovers.

Charismatic - No true gentleman is truly charming if he lacks charisma. Though his mind broods on dark thoughts, Thodin's outward appearance is that of a care-free person. Thodin is unafraid of strangers, and is rarely intimidated by violent, or ugly looking people. Being an ample source of conversation he may seem annoying at times, but it never stops him from trying to keep a light mood. Thodin's charisma is such that he can befriend and sway almost anyone to his way of thinking. Though unable to completely control people's way of thinking, Thodin has enough charisma to befriend even the most hostile person in a group. It's through this that though many people are conned by him, one in a million won't mind that they were hood winked. Of course his "charisma" has gotten him into his own fair share of trouble, but when a person is so charming what can he do?

Reflex - Thodin's reflexes have been pushed to the pinnacle of perfection. Though he lacks visual acuity in his right eye, his left eye is still in full operation though the edges of his vision tend to blur. These high speed reflexes are brought about by Thodin's ability to see something, come up with a plan, and act on it all in the matter of less than a second. As such these incredible reflexes are Thodin's greatest asset, and on several occasions he would have died if not for his reflexes. These mental calculations, and the speed with Thodin acts on these calculations is such that he appears to be a great deal faster than a human. Thodin's reflexes have gradually grown duller over the years due to weakening of his eyesight. Given time Thodin will be unable to use his incredible reflexes as they rely heavily on seeing this in order to react to them.

Swordsmanship - Born a prodigious swordsman, Thodin has incredible skill in how he wields a blade. Though his arms are troublesome, Thodin has extremely dexterous fingers and uses his ability to flip and spin a sword beneath, around, or above his opponents guard. Coupled with his high reflexes he is easily capable of decapitating opponents, though this become hard to do if his opponent is big, and forceful enough with his blade as Thodin usually refrains from to much leg movement.

Literacy/Numeracy - Being born of nobility amongst the Proudmen, Thodin is capable of both reading a writing fluently. As yet another plus he also has a strong grasp of numeracy and can do basic mathematics, as well as grasp words, letters, and how to writing. Though not scholarly, and though at times his writing may appear childish it is enough to get the point of his writing across.

Weaknesses:
Long-Limbs - Although he's had them for the majority of his life, Thodin's arms and legs just don't coordinate well. Though he is thirty-two he till hasn't gotten used to his immense height. As such though he is capable of running in great leaping strides, but on several occasions he manages to eat dirt by tripping over a pebble. In conjunction when fighting he constantly runs a risk of overreaching. In day to day life, tripping over his own to feet is not a very uncommon occurrence, and breaking something fragile is always a disadvantage. This down side to such long limbs can be seen when running from violent innkeepers, or musicians with pointy bows.

Depth Perception/Blindess - Recently Thodin has become completely blind in his right eye. Though the eye itself shows no signs of blindness it is unable to see. Due to this Thodin is unable to accurately judge his distance from anything. Another negative side effect is that he is unable to see thing in three dimensional images and shadows and light are weirdly distorted in his left eye. This is caused by glaucoma and in turn his left eye is also extremely weak, and will eventually lose it's ability to see. In the end Thodin will be rendered completely blind, and as such it becomes difficult to live the life of a thief or gentleman.

Greed - Thodin has incredible obsession with wealth in all it's forms, from art works to statues to gold to ivory to actual coins. In whatever form they take Thodin has an uncompromising urge to take wealth. Like some strange siren's song Thodin can't control himself when people flash wealth without a care. To him it's simply a sign that they want to be robbed, and don't mind having their wealth taken from them. Of course that can be extremely problematic when stealing from actual stores, and museums. When it comes to money there is little that Thodin doesn't know about how to take it.

Rashness - Though calm and calculating, Thodin is prone to rashness especially with money, and in battle. In the case of money Thodin has no problems with gambling every penny he owns in order to make some more. In conjunction he can never back down from a fight though he knows full well that he is likely to over reach or trip over his own feet. Naturally this leads him into several sticky situations, including debt collectors, tax collectors, the mistress of a choice brothel, a guardsman, beggars numbering about twelve, a bandit and his band of thieves, and three cases in which he was kicked in the rear so hard he was unable to sit down for a good three hours properly.

Smoking - Over the years, Thodin has found that he enjoys smoking. On a daily basis he smokes from a small pipe. The pipe itself is made of wood and is exceptionally thin, and small. The cup of the pipe is also very small compared to those used by hobbits. Due to this habit Thodin has trouble breathing, and wheezes or coughs from time to time. Because of his smoker lungs, he is unable to run very far without the need for frequent rests.

Alcohol - Thodin enjoys drinking wine, and ale. Though not a true addiction Thodin usually drinks of the weekends though during the week he may also drink depending on his mood. Thodin is incapable of holding his liquor, and as such drinks heavily the majority of the time to the point of unconsciousness. Of course this has resulted in several bar fights, and more often then not Thodin usually wakes in a gutter on such days. This however does not stop Thodin from drinking to his hearts content. Obviously getting beaten up, thrown over a table, breaking a table, and getting struck in the head with a cup of beer has never stopped him from coming back to the same establishment.

History
Taken from the Diary of Alric Salazar:
Month of the Turning Star, Second Folkday, Birth of Thodin Lomin
On this auspicious day we celebrate the birth of the new born son of Aelric Lomin, the Head of House Lomin. The boy himself is born in good health and both mother and child will be able to return to their home in about a weeks time at the most. The child was birthed in the month of the Turning Star, and the Second Elfday of the month.

Strangely the boy himself appears to be exceptionally thin though there is no obvious weakness of body. The boy has dark hair that may stem from the mixing of his blood in years past. It is known that the House of Lomin years past has bedded those of the Higher Remusians while traveling North centuries ago. The hair itself appears to be a dark blue in color, and has already earned the boy the nickname "Coldflame". Though he is still a babe we of the Proudmen can only expect great things from one of the descendants of King Erdolomin.

Month of the Rising Sun, First Restday, Two Year Interval From Last Entry
Thodin. The name was chosen by the boy's grandfather, Kel Lomin. In celebration of the child's name day a feast has been held to commemorate the boy known as "Coldflame". Over the last two years the boy has grown exponentially. Aelric himself remains worried that the boy is so thin, but various doctors claim that the boy may never truly put on weight until he is reaching old age.

Many of the other children come to play with him, and the women are constantly fawning over the two year old infant. Given time, they claim he will be one of the more handsome men in the whole of Nyermersys. The men can only scoff, and drink in celebration to such wild comments. The elder brother, Kain Lomin is the obvious protector of his slight brother, and is constantly watching his back. Though the boy is still young, already his eyes have a piercing quality such that even I feel naked before him. This is only an assumption on my part, but more than his slight frame his eyes are more likely to have something wrong with them.

Month of the Sleeping Dreameress, First Halfday, Five Year Interval From Last Entry
Our "Coldflame" has grown into a young lad of seven years. Both adults and children have an infinite amount of respect for him. Recently, Thodin and the other boys in his class have been training in the Arts of Battle Theory for the last year. Already the boy has an incredible grasp of the mechanics of sword fighting. The youth can easily tell you how to counter even the most vile blows based on the defenders and the attackers' size and strength. The variations of so many techniques that he concocts have earned him the title "Technique Smith". In the last decade no one has had the skill to alter so many techniques so vastly. Incredibly all of the variations work as well if not better than the original maneuvers. Truly an amazing feat for such a youth.

It would also appear the doctors were correct, the boy remains slim as ever. Fortunately the last two years have changed him and he has begun to put on muscle. Though our Thodin is no where near as strong as some of the other boys his age, his long limbs are more than enough to outdo his opponents in wrestling. By next year he will be practicing with a sword. His family believes strongly that he will become a great warrior. This is probably due to the boy's incredible reflexes which seem to give him an unmatched speed when fighting others. It truly is an incredible sight to see.

Month of the Fallen Lead, Third Elfday, Seven Year Interval From Last Entry
All the assumptions, affections, and hope that we had for this youth has no basis in reality. Thodin now at the age of fourteen is unable to wield a sword without over reaching at some point in time. That by itself is fixable given time, but he is unable to run without tripping over his own two feet. This by itself may seem comical, but it grows worse. Today while out in the field, he was attacked for training purposes. Leaning against a tree he waited for the attack to come. He was surrounded completely from the right and left. Over the hill in front of him was another group, in total there were eight attackers with reinforcements for Thodin.

When the attack fell he was defeated in a matter of seconds. The major factor was not due to the fact he tripped over his own legs while trying to get both the left and right attackers in front of him. The boy was unable to see the attack on the right side. It was revealed to all that he was going blind in his right eye. The child was maimed in a way that was simply not befitting a soldier. Without proper visual acuity the boy can only sit at home and watch the other boys grow into warriors, smiths, and miners. He will grow up under the care of his elder brother, and with luck will be able to see himself at the age of fifty.

Month of the Passing Clouds, Second Restday, Two Year Interval From Last Entry
Today is a grave day in which we banish Thodin "Coldflame" who was as of yesterday night the Second Son of House Lomin. The boy has proved himself not only a liar and a cheat, but a murderer as well. Two years ago the boy's family was robbed, the thief of course was apprehended. For a week Thodin took care of the thief before the wretch was executed. Shortly after that Thodin began to leave his home for the first time since the day we discovered his blindness. The boy walked about the city as if he owned it, charming all he came across with his wit and banter. It was three whole months before we discovered that he had taken to stealing.

Naturally we put him down for it, and though the government wished him to be placed under arrest the family protected him. Throughout the course of the last two years, the boy has been stealing everything in sight. Cleverly the boy hid the loot beneath the tree that he had been training under so many years ago. All this was revealed after the death of Linn Triona of House Triona. The girl was barely eighteen, and set to be married of in a years time. The boy had murdered her in order to steal a choice turquoise necklace. Our Thodin "Coldflame" respected and admired by all has fallen to the lowness of thievery. Today he is leaving us with nothing but the clothes on his back. I know that he was never a bad person so when his mother asked me to help her pack extra clothing, sword, shirt, and pants for him I couldn't help saying yes. After all I am his uncle, and who was I to let my nephew go out into the world without some protection? I watched him leave, and hoped that he would be alright without us.

End of Diary

Letter From: Thodin Lomin to Triona Lomin
Dear Mother,
It's been a good sixteen years since we last looked each other in the eyes. I've grown in so many ways out here on my own. I'd like to say that I gave up my bad ways and lived an honest life as some hermit in the woods. Mom, that life was never meant for me, and never will it be.

I've become a scoundrel, one of the best. I can hoodwink even the most dishonest person. Of course I still have trouble running, and I still overreach with my sword. I can't say that some things have changed, but at least for now this much is enough. I've grown taller, and my hair is so much longer. You probably wouldn't recognize me either, but I trust that if we do meet you'll know who I am.

After I left I traveled for a bit, and went to many great cities. While there I tried to enter the various taverns but they said I was too young. I eventually meet various people on the streets; peasants, and beggars. These guys needed serious help, but I'd learned a bit from Markus Flint the man who robbed us all those years ago. Eventually I managed to find an inn that would take me in with no questions asked. I stay for several weeks before moving on. I did this at every city and it seemed more and more like a routine. On those days that I had to sleep out under the stars I learned how to sleep with one eye open. The world is a cold place and bandits and marauders were always on the move. I enjoyed the times I managed to sneak out from under their noses, and dreaded the times when they caught me. It was like a game of hide and seek that never ended. I'd always manage to get away by paying off one of the men, or slipping through the bonds of the ropes they used to tie my wrists with. I even managed to make some friends out of those thieves, bandits, and crooks who helped me out.

Over the course of the last sixteen years I learned so much about the nobility. All the nobles, their houses, their crests, their families, what they do, and who they fraternize with. I was a trafficker of information and gossip. To say the least I was enjoying myself, I was able to get things for free with just the name of a noble lord on my lips. Of course I could only pretend so much, but I had plenty of people who taught me how to lie with incredible skill. Though I don't live in the luxury that I originally had, i manage to get by. I'm still on the road though and looking for the next big con so I can set up in a nice inn for a bit.

I know this isn't what you wanted for me mom, but it is who I am. This was always in my blood it just took a while to come out. Take care of yourselves and don't reply to this message. I will be long gone before your message can reach me, I've got the City Guard following me around as I write this so I pray you forgive my terrible child's scrawl. Just joking! There is no need to worry about me so take care. I love you and I hope you guys will live still longer lives in happiness.

Your Son,
Thodin Lomin.

Weapons:
Thodin's only weapon is his longsword. The blade is designed such that it is exceptionally slimmer than the average longsword. The blade itself has a width of three inches, and is made of tempered steel. The blade has several nicks and scratches though Thodin manages to keep the rust of the blade. In duels between noblemen, Thodin is forced to use his long reach in combat due to the various Rules of Engagement pertaining to these showy fights. When fighting a duel Thodin is constantly trying to not overreach with his blade. Being a naturally talented swordsman allows Thodin to make use of his extremely dexterous which helps to eliminate the possibility of overreaching. Thodin is capable of spinning, flipping, flicking, and adjusting the grip of his sword in order to block, lunge, parry, slash, or guard. In order to make use of this, Thodin always attempts to engage his opponents in close combat unless the opponents is of a larger height and build than he is.

Belongings:
- Bag (Extremely Bedraggled Looking)
 - Clothing
 - Jar of Oil
 - Pipe
- Sheath of Nor'sidian Leather
- Shoes of Nor'sidian Leather
- Hair tie
« Last Edit: July 01, 2009, 11:26:41 PM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
Morden Peshirgolz
The Mystic Voice
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Posts: 493


Dwarf, Susilgerim Clan


« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2009, 01:40:56 AM »

Just a quick heads up as you work on this...Your avatar is currently already in use by the character Lucian, so you should change it when you get the chance. Now, I'll leave you to your writing. Good luck!
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Thodin Coldflame Lomin
The Cutpurse Gentleman
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Posts: 488


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2009, 07:16:16 AM »

Alright I've fixed that... I think  LOL any way I'll get back to my writing and thanks for the heads up! grin
Logged

"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
Thodin Coldflame Lomin
The Cutpurse Gentleman
Approved Character
*
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Gender: Male
Posts: 488


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2009, 06:03:56 AM »

Finally finished and ready for comments!  Roll Eyes
Bump!  grin
Logged

"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
fionn
Prosaic Waif
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Posts: 321


Mullog


« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2009, 06:12:45 AM »

Hello Thodin - I guess you're after some comments.  grin my pleasure.

Name
Birth
: Thodin "Coldflame" Lomin
Title: Technique Smith (Former) I'll probably twig this later on in the CD, but why all thses "formers"? and why've you got honorary title and house name? it's not that this kind of information is forbidden - I like these extra details - but at the minute they're confusing me, maybe you could save them for your history section, where they can be explained and incorporated? That said, you'll definitely still need a title you can use on your character on approval. if Technique smith (nice, btw, intriguing) is not held by this character anymore, you'll still need something you're happy to have floating next to his head when you RP.
Honorary Title: Swordson of Nyermersys (Former)
House Name: the Swift of House Lomin (Former)

Gender:
Male

Age:
32

Race:
Human

Tribe:
Erpheronians (Proudmen)

Occupation:
Thief/Gentleman

Title:
The Cutpurse Gentleman aahhhh. OK. Makes more sense now. Could you do future commentors a wee favour and push this up to before the other bits?

Appearance:
Height: 1.85 Peds
Weight: 1 Pygge, 5 Hebs, 1 Od, 5 Mut.
Hair Color: Nor'sidian
Eye Color: Charcoal

Physical Appearance
The Proudmen earned their names from not only their mannerisms, but their physic<physique? as well. Thodin epitomizes the idea of "pride" in his appearance. As many have written, the visage of Thodin's face can only be described as piercing. Though his eyes are a dark shade of charcoal they have their own personal sharpness. Despite keeping his tumble of nor'sidian colored hair in a tight pony-tail, the long strands of hair manage to find their way out of the tight knot. In contrast Thodin's skin is a cool shade of white that accentuates his dark eyelashes, eyebrows, and vermilion lips. Nice descriptions - you're a brilliant writer. Thumb up

Thodin has a lightly muscled frame, though at first glance he may appear wiry. The majority of Thodin's body seems to be comprised of sharp angles and appears to lack any real curves. Thanks to years of hard work, and daily workout he maintains a powerful physic though the lack of real competition has allowed him to let go a little and a slight paunch might be seen if looked for. Several healed over scars crisscross Thodin's arms, legs, chest, and back. Both hours of working out, and years of hard marches and training have lead to a very well cut figure. Thodin has a naturally athletic look, and he moves like one who owns the very earth he walks on. Pride of course has it's own small part to play in that.

Clothing
Born with an obvious lack of blond, or red in his complexion, Thodin makes up for it with his fiery clothing. The majority of his tunics are died a beautiful Aeruillian Red with various floral patterns in a Teki Red color. In addition to the three tunics of Aeruillian Red, Thodin has also stolen another tunic of Xazure with a flame pattern of Karikrimson. Underneath his fine tunics however, Thodin wears an extremely raggedy nor'sidian Shendar style shirt. In conjunction with the shirt, Thodin constantly wears a matching pair of loose fitting pants of the same shade. Through any season, Thodin rarely wears anything else, though on occasion he may steal a scarf or sweater of no particular quality in winter. In turn he will loose the scarf or sweater through simple forgetfulness. What about his feet?

Personality
From birth, the expectations of family, friends, and peers have hardened Thodin's heart to everyone. In his mind people are only out to benefit >from?<one another and as such he should do the same. It is because of this that Thodin is unable to see the good in any person he meets. Though on the outside he appears good humored, and slightly eccentric<comma here? Thodin's mind is constantly surrounded by cunning thoughts, tricks and plans. From this mindset, Thodin is willing to do anything to increase his own ambition and take himself farther in life.

Thodin views himself as an intelligent, freespirited, and confident individual. Though born as one of the descendants of King Erdolomin, Thodin was born with natural charisma, an enchanting voice, and an overall aura of confidence. In both the way he moves and thinks Thodin believes that when it come to stealing, swordplay or charming the ladies he is one of more suave individuals. Obviously he can appear conceited, but he would never admit to being too full of himself.

Strengths:
Knowledge - Nobility - Having traveled a great deal after his exile, Thodin has been through many cities, and under the guise of a nobleman has met many of the well noted noble across the continent. Though he is unable to call on favors, or ask for assistance he has a firm knowledge of the personalities of the nobles, and the roles that they play in society. In turn he does his own fair share of gossiping,<remove comma? and lying about his various acquaintances<insert comma especially when it will help him get a meal or find a place to stay the night.

Long-Limbs - When used at the right moment or in a certain situation, various weaknesses can easily turn into strengths, although the opposite is also the same. The incredible length of Thodin's limbs allow him a formidable reach when fighting, and stretching to pick up things. His legs are equally lengthy and are extremely helpful, particularly when running away from violent landlords, and lovers.

Charismatic - No true gentleman is truly charming if he lacks charisma. Though his mind broods on dark thoughts, Thodin's outward appearance is that of a care-free person. Thodin is unafraid of strangers, and is rarely intimidated by violent, or ugly looking people. Being an ample source of conversation he may seem annoying at times, but it never stops him from trying to keep a light mood. It's through this that though many people are conned by him, one in a million won't mind that they were hood winked. Of course his "charisma" has gotten him into his own fair share of trouble, but when a person is so charming what can he do? nicely put.  grin

Reflex - Thodin's reflexes have been pushed to the pinnacle of perfection. Though he lacks visual acuity in his right eye, his left eye is still in full operation though the edges of his vision tend to blur. These high speed reflexes are brought about by Thodin's ability to see something, come up with a plan, and act on it all in the matter of less than a second. As such these incredible reflexes are Thodin's greatest asset, and on several occasions he would have died if not for his reflexes. These mental calculations, and the speed with Thodin acts on these calculations is such that he appears to be a great deal faster than a human. Thodin's reflexes are not as fast as they could be and eventuallyhuh? see the first sentence of this passage. I know what you're getting at, but could you consider putting it differently? it will become very hard to match his former speed after he loses his eye sight.

Swordsmanship - Born a prodigious swordsman, Thodin has incredible skill in how he wields a blade. Though his arms are troublesome, Thodin has extremely dexterous fingers and uses his ability to flip and spin a sword beneath, around, or above his opponents guard. Coupled with his high reflexes he is easily capable of decapitating opponents, though this become hard to do if his opponent is big, and forceful enough with his blade.

Literacy/Numeracy - Being born of nobility amongst the Proudmen, Thodin is capable of both reading a writing fluently. As yet another plus he also has a strong grasp of numeracy and can do actual mathematics though not as well as he can read and write. Though not scholarly, and though at times his writing may appear childish it is enough to get the point of his writing across.

Weaknesses:
Long-Limbs - Although he's had them for the majority of his life, Thodin's arms and legs just don't coordinate well. Though he is thirty-two he till hasn't gotten used to his immense height. As such though he is capable of running in great leaping strides, but on several occasions he manages to eat dirt by tripping over a pebble. In conjunction when fighting he constantly runs a risk of overreaching. In day to day life, tripping over his own to feet is not a very uncommon occurrence, and breaking something fragile is always a disadvantage. This down side to such long limbs can be seen when running from violent innkeepers, or musicians with pointy bows.

Depth Perception/Blindess - Recently Thodin has become completely blind in his right eye. Though the eye itself shows no signs of blindness it is unable to see. Due to this Thodin is unable to accurately judge his distance from anything. Another negative side effect is that he is unable to see thing in three dimensional images and shadows and light are weirdly distorted in his left eye. This is caused by glaucoma and in turn his left eye is also extremely weak, and will eventually lose it's ability to see. In the end Thodin will be rendered completely blind, and as such it becomes difficult to live the life of a thief or gentleman.

Greed - Thodin has incredible obsession with wealth in all it's forms, from art works to statues to gold to ivory to actual coins. In whatever form they take Thodin has an uncompromising urge to take wealth. Like some strange siren's song Thodin can't control himself when people flash wealth without a care. To him it's simply a sign that they want to be robbed, and don't mind having their wealth taken from them. Of course that can be extremely problematic when stealing from actual stores, and museums. When it comes to money there is little that Thodin doesn't know about how to take it.

Rashness - Though calm and calculating, Thodin is prone to rashness especially with money, and in battle. In the case of money Thodin has no problems with gambling every penny he owns in order to make some more. In conjunction he can never back down from a fight though he knows full well that he is likely to over reach or trip over his own feet. Naturally this leads him into several sticky situations, including debt collectors, tax collectors, the mistress of a choice brothel, a guardsman, beggars numbering about twelve, a bandit and his band of thieves, and three cases in which he was kicked in the rear so hard he was unable to sit down for a good three hours properly.

History
Taken from the Diary of Alric Salazar:
Month of the Turning Star, Second Folkday, Birth of Thodin Lomin
On this auspicious day we celebrate the birth of the new born son of Aelric Lomin, the Head of House Lomin. The boy himself is born in good health and both mother and child will be able to return to their home in about a weeks time at the most. The child was birthed in the month of the Turning Star, and the Second Elfday of the month.

Strangely the boy himself appears to be exceptionally thin though there is no obvious weakness of body. The boy has dark hair that may stem from the mixing of his blood in years past. It is known that the House of Lomin years past has bedded those of the Higher Remusians while traveling North centuries ago. The hair itself appears to be a dark blue in color, and has already earned the boy the nickname "Coldflame". Though he is still a babe we of the Proudmen can only expect great things from one of the descendants of King Erdolomin.

Month of the Rising Sun, First Restday, Two Year Interval
Thodin. The name was chosen by the boy's grandfather, Kel Lomin. In celebration of the child's name day a feast has been held to commemorate the boy known as "Coldflame". Over the last two years the boy has grown exponentially. Aelric himself remains worried that the boy is so thin, but various doctors claim that the boy may never truly put on weight until he is reaching old age.

Many of the other children come to play with him, and the women are constantly fawning over the two year old infant. Given time, they claim he will be one of the more handsome men in the whole of Nyermersys. The men can only scoff, and drink in celebration to such wild comments. The elder brother, Kain Lomin is the obvious protector of his slight brother, and is constantly watching his back. Though the boy is still young, already his eyes have a piercing quality such that even I feel naked before him. This is only an assumption on my part, but more than his slight frame his eyes are more likely to have something wrong with them.

Month of the Sleeping Dreameress, First Halfday, Five Year Interval
Our "Coldflame" has grown into a young lad of seven years. Both adults and children have an infinite amount of respect for him. Currently the boys have been in training for the last year. Already the boy has an incredible grasp of the mechanics of sword fighting. The youth can easily tell you how to counter even the most vile blows based on the defenders and the attackers' size and strength. The variations of so many techniques that he uses in battle have earned him the title Technique Smith. In the last decade no one has had the skill to alter so many techniques so vastly. Incredibly all of the variations work as well if not better than the original maneuvers. Truly an amazing feat for such a youth. Right, I'm starting to get it now. :)

It would also appear the doctors were correct, the boy remains slim as ever. Fortunately the last two years have changed him and he has begun to put on muscle. Though our Thodin is no where near as strong as some of the other boys his age, his long limbs are more than enough to outdo his opponents in wrestling. By next year he will be practicing with a sword. His family believes strongly that he will become a great warrior. This is probably due to the boy's incredible reflexes which seem to give him an unmatched speed when fighting others. It truly is an incredible sight to see.

Month of the Fallen Lead, Third Elfday, Seven Year Interval
All the assumptions, affections, and hope that we had for this youth has no basis in reality. Thodin now at the age of fourteen is unable to wield a sword without over reaching at some point in time. That by itself is fixable given time, but he is unable to run without tripping over his own to feet. This by itself may seem comical, but it grows worse. Today while out in the field, he was attacked for training purposes. Leaning against a tree he waited for the attack to come. He was surrounded completely from the right and left. Over the hill in front of him was another group, in total there were eight attackers with reinforcements for Thodin.

When the attack fell he was defeated in a matter of seconds. The major factor was not due to the fact he tripped over his own legs while trying to get both the left and right attackers in front of him. The boy was unable to see the attack on the right side. It was revealed to all that he was going blind in his right eye. The child was <consider "is"maimed in a way that was simply not befitting a soldier. Without proper visual acuity the boy can only sit at home and watch the other boys grow into warriors, smiths, and miners. He will grow up under the care of his elder brother, and with luck will be able to see himself at the age of fifty.

Month of the Passing Clouds, Second Restday, Two Year Interval
Today is a grave day in which we banish Thodin "Coldflame" who was as of yesterday night the Second Son of House Lomin. The boy has proved himself not only a liar and a cheat, but a murderer as well. Two years ago the boy's family was robbed, the thief of course was apprehended. For a week Thodin took care of thief before the wretch was executed. Shortly after that Thodin began to leave his home for the first time since the day we discovered his blindness. The boy walked about the city as if he owned it, charming all he came across with his wit and banter. It was three whole months before we discovered that he had taken to stealing.

Naturally we put him down for it, and though the government wished him to be placed under arrest the family protected him. Throughout the course of the last two years, the boy has been stealing everything in sight. Cleverly the boy hid the loot beneath the tree that he had been training under so many years ago. All this was revealed after the death of Linn Triona of House Triona. The girl was barely eighteen, and set to be married of in a years time. The boy had murdered her in order to steal a choice turquoise necklace. Our Thodin "Coldflame" respected and admired by all has fallen to the lowness of thievery. Today he is leaving us with nothing but the clothes on his back. I know that he was never a bad person so when his mother asked me to help her pack extra clothing, sword, shirt, and pants for him I couldn't help saying yes. After all I am his uncle, and who was I to let my nephew go out into the world without some protection? I watched him leave, and hoped that he would be alright without us.

End of Diary

Letter From: Thodin Lomin to Triona Lomin
Dear Mother,
It's been a good sixteen years since we last looked each other in the eyes. I've grown in so many ways out here on my own. I'd like to say that I gave up my bad ways a lived an honest life as some hermit in the woods. Mom, that life was never meant for me, and never will it<be?.

I've become a scoundrel, one of the best. I can hoodwink even the most dishonest person. Of course I still have trouble running, and I still overreach with my sword. I can't say that some things have changed, but at least for now this much is enough. I've grown taller, and my hair is so much longer. You probably wouldn't recognize me either, but I trust that if we do meet you'll know who I am.

After I left I traveled for a bit, and went to many great cities. While there I tried to enter the various taverns but they said I was too young. I eventually meet various people on the streets; peasants, and beggars. These guys needed serious help, but I'd learned a bit from Markus Flint,<comma the man who robbed us all those years ago. Eventually I managed to find an inn that would take me in with no questions asked. I stay for several weeks before moving on. I did this at every city and it seemed more and more like a routine. On those days that I had to sleep out under the stars I learned how to sleep with one eye open. The world is a cold place and bandits and marauders were always on the move. I enjoyed the times I managed to sneak out from under their noses, and dreaded the times when they caught me. It was like a game of hide and seek that never ended. I'd always manage to get away by paying off one of the men, or slipping through the bonds of the ropes they used to tie my wrists with. I even managed to make some friends out of those thieves, bandits, and crooks who helped me out.

Over the course of the last sixteen years I learned so much about the nobility. All the nobles, their houses, their crests, their families, what they do, and who they fraternize with. I was a trafficker of information and gossip. To say the least I was enjoying myself, I was able to get things for free with just the name of a noble lord on my lips. Of course I could only pretend so much, but I had plenty of people who taught me how to lie with incredible skill. Though I don't live in the luxury that I originally had, I manage to get by. I'm still on the road though and looking for the next big con so I can set up in a nice inn for a bit.

I know this isn't what you wanted for me mom, but it is who I am. This was always in my blood it just took a while to come out. Take care of yourselves and don't reply to this message. I will be long gone before your message can reach me, I've got the City Guard following me around as I write this so I pray you forgive my terrible child's scrawl. Just joking! There is no need to worry about me so take care. I love you and I hope you guys will live still longer lives in happiness.

Your Son,
Thodin Lomin.

Weapons:
Thodin's only weapon is his longsword. The blade is designed such that it is exceptionally slimmer than the average longsword. The blade itself has a width of three inches, and is made of tempered steel. The blade has several nicks and scratches though Thodin manages to keep the rust of the blade. How does he fight with it - style, skill, and general approach? I know you've kinda covered this in strenghs, but give us a little extra detail, please? Kiss

Belongings:
- Bag (Extremely Bedraggled Looking)
 - Clothing
 - Jar of Oil
- Sheath of Nor'sidian Leather
- Shoes of Nor'sidian Leather You could have stuck these in the clothing section, if you want.
- Hair tie

Well done, Thodin, this is good work, and a really nice character - remind me to introduce him to one Grallen Gast, I thin they'd get along well... grin
As you can see, my comments were almost entirely little niggly grammar and spelling stuff, whch is a good sign. Looking forward to seeing how this develops.
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"If it's teeth are longer than your fingers, for the Ancestors' sake, assume it doesn't want it's belly tickled..."
Fionn's CD
Thodin Coldflame Lomin
The Cutpurse Gentleman
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« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2009, 09:23:27 AM »

Hey Fionn you can't possibly understand how much I've been waiting for someone to start telling me what's wrong. After all any one can see what's right no? :P

I've been waiting four days in the blazing summer heat for someone to do this, so I'll get on it immediately. I appreciate the time you took to read it through, and I'm obviously much obliged. grin
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"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
Thodin Coldflame Lomin
The Cutpurse Gentleman
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« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2009, 09:51:23 AM »

So I'm finished once more, and can't wait for more comments! grin Bump!
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"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
Alexandre Scriabin
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« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2009, 12:35:26 PM »

Ahahahallrighty then! My advice will be in green.

Name
Birth
: Thodin "Coldflame" Lomin

Gender:
Male

Age:
32

Race:
Human

Tribe:
Erpheronians (Proudmen)

Occupation:
Thief/Gentleman

Title:
The Cutpurse Gentleman

Appearance:
Height: 1.85 Peds
Weight: 1 Pygge, 5 Hebs, 1 Od, 5 Mut.
Hair Color: Nor'sidian
Eye Color: Charcoal

Physical Appearance
The Proudmen earned their names from not only their mannerisms, but their physique as well. Thodin epitomizes the idea of "pride" in his appearance. As many have written, the visage of Thodin's face can only be described as piercing. In spite of that, you should probably detail the jaw line, cheekbones, any wrinkles or blemishes, or a whole host of things. He can have slightly rosy cheeks, dark eye sockets from malnutrition or insomnia, and you can even describe his nose. But this is all just a suggestion, you don't have to add in every one of those. Though his eyes are a dark shade of charcoal they have their own personal sharpness. Despite keeping his tumble of nor'sidian colored hair in a tight pony-tail, the long strands of hair manage to find their way out of the tight knot. In contrast Thodin's skin is a cool shade of white that accentuates his dark eyelashes, eyebrows, and vermilion lips.

Thodin has a lightly muscled frame, though at first glance he may appear wiry. The majority of Thodin's body seems to be comprised of sharp angles and appears to lack any real curves. Thanks to years of hard work, and daily workout he maintains a powerful physique though the lack of real competition has allowed him to let go a little and a slight paunch might be seen if looked for. Several healed over scars crisscross Thodin's arms, legs, chest, and back. Both hours of working out, and years of hard marches and training have lead to a very well cut figure. Thodin has a naturally athletic look, You seem to be reiterating the fact that he has an athletic, "fighter" kind of body. and he moves like one who owns the very earth he walks on. Pride of course has it's own small part to play in that.

Clothing
Born with an obvious lack of blond, or red in his complexion, Thodin makes up for it with his fiery clothing. The majority of his tunics are died a beautiful Aeruillian Red with various floral patterns in a Teki Red color. In addition to the three tunics of Aeruillian Red, Thodin has also stolen another tunic of Xazure with a flame pattern of Karikrimson. Underneath his fine tunics however, Thodin wears an extremely raggedy nor'sidian Shendar style shirt. In conjunction with the shirt, Thodin constantly wears a matching pair of loose fitting pants of the same shade. Through any season, Thodin rarely wears anything else, though on occasion he may steal a scarf or sweater of no particular quality in winter. In turn he will loose the scarf or sweater through simple forgetfulness. By way of shoes, Thodin wears shoes so thick that they could easily be mistaken for boots of Nor'sidian leather. Needless to say, thieving needed to be done in style.

Personality
From birth, the expectations of family, friends, and peers have hardened Thodin's heart to everyone. In his mind people are only out to benefit from one another and as such he should do the same. It is because of this that Thodin is unable to see the good in any person he meets. Though on the outside he appears good humored, and slightly eccentric, Thodin's mind is constantly surrounded by cunning thoughts, tricks and plans. From this mindset, Thodin is willing to do anything to increase his own ambition and take himself farther in life.

Thodin views himself as an intelligent, freespirited, and confident individual. Though born as one of the descendants of King Erdolomin, Thodin was born with natural charisma, an enchanting voice, and an overall aura of confidence. In both the way he moves and thinks Thodin believes that when it come to stealing, swordplay or charming the ladies he is one of more suave individuals. Obviously he can appear conceited, but he would never admit to being too full of himself. You probably want one or two more paragraphs in this section. You mentioned in his clothing section that he makes up for his lack of red or blonde complexion with fiery clothing. Maybe he is vain? Also, you might infer from the beginning of this paragraph that he may be a little arrogant. Having a well developed personality does nothing but help you in making interesting posts while you are RPing.

Strengths:
Knowledge - Nobility - Having traveled a great deal after his exile, Thodin has been through many cities, and under the guise of a nobleman has met many of the well noted noble across the continent. Though he is unable to call on favors, or ask for assistance he has a firm knowledge of the personalities of the nobles, and the roles that they play in society. In turn he does his own fair share of gossiping and lying about his various acquaintances, especially when it will help him get a meal or find a place to stay the night. Can you be more clear on how this affects him, and maybe add some other benefits from it, seeing as there are an awful lot of good in knowing wealthy people and how they think?

Long-Limbs - When used at the right moment or in a certain situation, various weaknesses can easily turn into strengths, although the opposite is also the same. The incredible length of Thodin's limbs allow him a formidable reach when fighting, and stretching to pick up things. His legs are equally lengthy and are extremely helpful, particularly when running away from violent landlords, and lovers. I like this one, it is unique. You can definitely use your reach advantage often with others of your general stature.

Charismatic - No true gentleman is truly charming if he lacks charisma. Though his mind broods on dark thoughts, Thodin's outward appearance is that of a care-free person. Thodin is unafraid of strangers, and is rarely intimidated by violent, or ugly looking people. Being an ample source of conversation he may seem annoying at times, but it never stops him from trying to keep a light mood. It's through this that though many people are conned by him, one in a million won't mind that they were hood winked. Of course his "charisma" has gotten him into his own fair share of trouble, but when a person is so charming what can he do? Just how charismatic is he on a scale factor? And how exactly does he influence people? Does he have a kind of a presence, or does he have an extensive vocabulary, or is he manipulative? There are tons of different kinds of charisma really...

Reflex - Thodin's reflexes have been pushed to the pinnacle of perfection. Though he lacks visual acuity in his right eye, his left eye is still in full operation though the edges of his vision tend to blur. These high speed reflexes are brought about by Thodin's ability to see something, come up with a plan, and act on it all in the matter of less than a second. As such these incredible reflexes are Thodin's greatest asset, and on several occasions he would have died if not for his reflexes. These mental calculations, and the speed with Thodin acts on these calculations is such that he appears to be a great deal faster than a human. Thodin's reflexes have gradually grown duller over the years due to weakening of his eyesight. Given time Thodin will be unable to use his incredible reflexes as they rely heavily on seeing this in order to react to them.

Swordsmanship - Born a prodigious swordsman, Thodin has incredible skill in how he wields a blade. Though his arms are troublesome, Thodin has extremely dexterous fingers and uses his ability to flip and spin a sword beneath, around, or above his opponents guard. Coupled with his high reflexes he is easily capable of decapitating opponents, though this become hard to do if his opponent is big, and forceful enough with his blade.

Literacy/Numeracy - Being born of nobility amongst the Proudmen, Thodin is capable of both reading a writing fluently. As yet another plus he also has a strong grasp of numeracy and can do actual mathematics though not as well as he can read and write. Though not scholarly, and though at times his writing may appear childish it is enough to get the point of his writing across. You should probably tone it down a little, as he is sounding a bit superhuman. He has a reach advantage, friends in the right places, book smarts, prodigious sword skills and reflexes, and on top of all of that charisma. Try imagining yourself how hard it is to be not just well rounded, but very good at so much. His weaknesses below are merely psychological problems and eyesight difficulties(the only real strong weakness), along with the long limbs first one being rather minor of a weakness. It isn't that bad though, because it sounds like bringing back balance would be a quick fix...

Weaknesses:
Long-Limbs - Although he's had them for the majority of his life, Thodin's arms and legs just don't coordinate well. Though he is thirty-two he till hasn't gotten used to his immense height. As such though he is capable of running in great leaping strides, but on several occasions he manages to eat dirt by tripping over a pebble. In conjunction when fighting he constantly runs a risk of overreaching. In day to day life, tripping over his own to feet is not a very uncommon occurrence, and breaking something fragile is always a disadvantage. This down side to such long limbs can be seen when running from violent innkeepers, or musicians with pointy bows.

Depth Perception/Blindess - Recently Thodin has become completely blind in his right eye. Though the eye itself shows no signs of blindness it is unable to see. Due to this Thodin is unable to accurately judge his distance from anything. Another negative side effect is that he is unable to see thing in three dimensional images and shadows and light are weirdly distorted in his left eye. This is caused by glaucoma and in turn his left eye is also extremely weak, and will eventually lose it's ability to see. In the end Thodin will be rendered completely blind, and as such it becomes difficult to live the life of a thief or gentleman.

Greed - Thodin has incredible obsession with wealth in all it's forms, from art works to statues to gold to ivory to actual coins. In whatever form they take Thodin has an uncompromising urge to take wealth. Like some strange siren's song Thodin can't control himself when people flash wealth without a care. To him it's simply a sign that they want to be robbed, and don't mind having their wealth taken from them. Of course that can be extremely problematic when stealing from actual stores, and museums. When it comes to money there is little that Thodin doesn't know about how to take it.

Rashness - Though calm and calculating, Thodin is prone to rashness especially with money, and in battle. In the case of money Thodin has no problems with gambling every penny he owns in order to make some more. In conjunction he can never back down from a fight though he knows full well that he is likely to over reach or trip over his own feet. Naturally this leads him into several sticky situations, including debt collectors, tax collectors, the mistress of a choice brothel, a guardsman, beggars numbering about twelve, a bandit and his band of thieves, and three cases in which he was kicked in the rear so hard he was unable to sit down for a good three hours properly.

History
Taken from the Diary of Alric Salazar:
Month of the Turning Star, Second Folkday, Birth of Thodin Lomin
On this auspicious day we celebrate the birth of the new born son of Aelric Lomin, the Head of House Lomin. The boy himself is born in good health and both mother and child will be able to return to their home in about a weeks time at the most. The child was birthed in the month of the Turning Star, and the Second Elfday of the month.

Strangely the boy himself appears to be exceptionally thin though there is no obvious weakness of body. The boy has dark hair that may stem from the mixing of his blood in years past. It is known that the House of Lomin years past has bedded those of the Higher Remusians while traveling North centuries ago. The hair itself appears to be a dark blue in color, and has already earned the boy the nickname "Coldflame". Though he is still a babe we of the Proudmen can only expect great things from one of the descendants of King Erdolomin.

Month of the Rising Sun, First Restday, Two Year Interval
Thodin. The name was chosen by the boy's grandfather, Kel Lomin. In celebration of the child's name day a feast has been held to commemorate the boy known as "Coldflame". Over the last two years the boy has grown exponentially. Aelric himself remains worried that the boy is so thin, but various doctors claim that the boy may never truly put on weight until he is reaching old age.

Many of the other children come to play with him, and the women are constantly fawning over the two year old infant. Given time, they claim he will be one of the more handsome men in the whole of Nyermersys. The men can only scoff, and drink in celebration to such wild comments. The elder brother, Kain Lomin is the obvious protector of his slight brother, and is constantly watching his back. Though the boy is still young, already his eyes have a piercing quality such that even I feel naked before him. This is only an assumption on my part, but more than his slight frame his eyes are more likely to have something wrong with them.

Month of the Sleeping Dreameress, First Halfday, Five Year Interval
Our "Coldflame" has grown into a young lad of seven years. Both adults and children have an infinite amount of respect for him. Currently the boys have been in training for the last year. Already the boy has an incredible grasp of the mechanics of sword fighting. The youth can easily tell you how to counter even the most vile blows based on the defenders and the attackers' size and strength. Really a simple way to put it, don't you think? If he can easily counter things, than can't we be creative and speak of thrusting angles, well timed ripostes, footwork, disarming maneuvers, pins, takedowns, and tosses? Just more of a side note for you, because swordplay really isn't simple at all. The variations of so many techniques that he uses in battle have earned him the title Technique Smith. In the last decade no one has had the skill to alter so many techniques so vastly. Incredibly all of the variations work as well if not better than the original maneuvers. Truly an amazing feat for such a youth. Isn't it a little ridiculous for seven year old to be some kind of Mozart ala fencing? Most people who make cd's want to display these kinds of traits, but can we really buy into am kid younger than my sister knowing more than people much older than him. You might want to note that even Mozart had his father's assistance in writing his first works at age 8.

It would also appear the doctors were correct, the boy remains slim as ever. Fortunately the last two years have changed him and he has begun to put on muscle. Though our Thodin is no where near as strong as some of the other boys his age, his long limbs are more than enough to outdo his opponents in wrestling. By next year he will be practicing with a sword. Didn't you just write about his premature sword skills in the last paragraph? Try not to get your order of events mixed up... His family believes strongly that he will become a great warrior. This is probably due to the boy's incredible reflexes which seem to give him an unmatched speed when fighting others. It truly is an incredible sight to see.

Month of the Fallen Lead, Third Elfday, Seven Year Interval
All the assumptions, affections, and hope that we had for this youth has no basis in reality. Thodin now at the age of fourteen is unable to wield a sword without over reaching at some point in time. That by itself is fixable given time, but he is unable to run without tripping over his own to feet. This by itself may seem comical, but it grows worse. Today while out in the field, he was attacked for training purposes. Leaning against a tree he waited for the attack to come. He was surrounded completely from the right and left. Over the hill in front of him was another group, in total there were eight attackers with reinforcements for Thodin.

When the attack fell he was defeated in a matter of seconds. The major factor was not due to the fact he tripped over his own legs while trying to get both the left and right attackers in front of him. The boy was unable to see the attack on the right side. It was revealed to all that he was going blind in his right eye. The child was maimed in a way that was simply not befitting a soldier. Without proper visual acuity the boy can only sit at home and watch the other boys grow into warriors, smiths, and miners. He will grow up under the care of his elder brother, and with luck will be able to see himself at the age of fifty.

Month of the Passing Clouds, Second Restday, Two Year Interval
Today is a grave day in which we banish Thodin "Coldflame" who was as of yesterday night the Second Son of House Lomin. The boy has proved himself not only a liar and a cheat, but a murderer as well. Two years ago the boy's family was robbed, the thief of course was apprehended. For a week Thodin took care of thief before the wretch was executed. Shortly after that Thodin began to leave his home for the first time since the day we discovered his blindness. The boy walked about the city as if he owned it, charming all he came across with his wit and banter. It was three whole months before we discovered that he had taken to stealing.

Naturally we put him down for it, and though the government wished him to be placed under arrest the family protected him. Throughout the course of the last two years, the boy has been stealing everything in sight. Cleverly the boy hid the loot beneath the tree that he had been training under so many years ago. All this was revealed after the death of Linn Triona of House Triona. The girl was barely eighteen, and set to be married of in a years time. The boy had murdered her in order to steal a choice turquoise necklace. Our Thodin "Coldflame" respected and admired by all has fallen to the lowness of thievery. Today he is leaving us with nothing but the clothes on his back. I know that he was never a bad person so when his mother asked me to help her pack extra clothing, sword, shirt, and pants for him I couldn't help saying yes. After all I am his uncle, and who was I to let my nephew go out into the world without some protection? I watched him leave, and hoped that he would be alright without us.

End of Diary

Letter From: Thodin Lomin to Triona Lomin
Dear Mother,
It's been a good sixteen years since we last looked each other in the eyes. I've grown in so many ways out here on my own. I'd like to say that I gave up my bad ways a lived an honest life as some hermit in the woods. Mom, that life was never meant for me, and never will it be.

I've become a scoundrel, one of the best. I can hoodwink even the most dishonest person. Of course I still have trouble running, and I still overreach with my sword. I can't say that some things have changed, but at least for now this much is enough. I've grown taller, and my hair is so much longer. You probably wouldn't recognize me either, but I trust that if we do meet you'll know who I am.

After I left I traveled for a bit, and went to many great cities. While there I tried to enter the various taverns but they said I was too young. I eventually meet various people on the streets; peasants, and beggars. These guys needed serious help, but I'd learned a bit from Markus Flint the man who robbed us all those years ago. Eventually I managed to find an inn that would take me in with no questions asked. I stay for several weeks before moving on. I did this at every city and it seemed more and more like a routine. On those days that I had to sleep out under the stars I learned how to sleep with one eye open. The world is a cold place and bandits and marauders were always on the move. I enjoyed the times I managed to sneak out from under their noses, and dreaded the times when they caught me. It was like a game of hide and seek that never ended. I'd always manage to get away by paying off one of the men, or slipping through the bonds of the ropes they used to tie my wrists with. I even managed to make some friends out of those thieves, bandits, and crooks who helped me out.

Over the course of the last sixteen years I learned so much about the nobility. All the nobles, their houses, their crests, their families, what they do, and who they fraternize with. I was a trafficker of information and gossip. To say the least I was enjoying myself, I was able to get things for free with just the name of a noble lord on my lips. Of course I could only pretend so much, but I had plenty of people who taught me how to lie with incredible skill. Though I don't live in the luxury that I originally had, i manage to get by. I'm still on the road though and looking for the next big con so I can set up in a nice inn for a bit.

I know this isn't what you wanted for me mom, but it is who I am. This was always in my blood it just took a while to come out. Take care of yourselves and don't reply to this message. I will be long gone before your message can reach me, I've got the City Guard following me around as I write this so I pray you forgive my terrible child's scrawl. Just joking! There is no need to worry about me so take care. I love you and I hope you guys will live still longer lives in happiness.

Your Son,
Thodin Lomin.

Weapons:
Thodin's only weapon is his longsword. The blade is designed such that it is exceptionally slimmer than the average longsword. The blade itself has a width of three inches, and is made of tempered steel. The blade has several nicks and scratches though Thodin manages to keep the rust of the blade. In duels between noblemen, Thodin is forced to use his long reach in combat due to the various Rules of Engagement pertaining to these showy fights. When fighting a duel Thodin is constantly trying to not overreach with his blade. Being a naturally talented swordsman allows Thodin to make use of his extremely dexterous which helps to eliminate the possibility of overreaching. Thodin is capable of spinning, flipping, flicking, and adjusting the grip of his sword in order to block, lunge, parry, slash, or guard. In order to make use of this, Thodin always attempts to engage his opponents in close combat unless the opponents is of a larger height and build than he is.

Belongings:
- Bag (Extremely Bedraggled Looking)
 - Clothing
 - Jar of Oil
- Sheath of Nor'sidian Leather
- Shoes of Nor'sidian Leather
- Hair tie

Well done CD. The history really ties everything together well. You should definitely add to his personality if he has such a steeped history. I wish you the best of luck and a speedy titling Thumb up
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Alexandre Scriabin CD
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« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2009, 01:50:55 PM »

I appreciate your politeness. For the strengths section... Maybe you could give him wanderlust, habitual theft, smoker's lungs, obsession with the female body, or even something akin to tourette's spasms? There's actually a whole lot of fun you can have in that area, and you don't necessarily need to make him a lame old dog without any balls or teeth. What i meant with the idea of giving us a scale of his charisma is where he stands in comparison to other charismatic people. Is he the sort of person who can start a cult, or is he just capable of getting people to chores for him here and there like a kind of Tom Sawyer?

The physical appearance comment was more of a side-note, so let's just forget it.

I can understand a rigid personality section, but there is an awful lot to person's personality. It may seem like there isn't much to it, but we actively form opinions on everything from religion, optimism, pessimism, social niceties, and art, to surrealism, magic, mysticism, music, mellodrama, and hard candy versus soft candy :D

On the history part, the way you worded it seemed to imply he was a ridiculous prodigy. I could have just grinded it through my gears wrong though.

Conclusively, i'm not a mod or an admin, so you don't have to make a single change according to my comments. I just like helping people and seeing different methods of writing, not to mention how interesting it is to see how people's skills mature as they keep writing. You're not too bad a writer yourself, you know? Have a good one, my friend.  Peace

Edit: I apologize for not PMing this back, but the site had an error or something. Kinda weird...
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Thodin Coldflame Lomin
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« Reply #9 on: June 25, 2009, 11:41:43 PM »

Alright Mr.Alexandre, I've carried out the corrections that you have given me. I really enjoyed reading your personal ideas, and I hope that I managed to integrate things properly to everyone's approval. With any luck we can all agree that my strengths and weaknesses have balanced out, and I've added another paragraph to my personality section. Last but not least the history has been lightly rearranged so it should be a bit clearer about what kind of prodigy Thodin is. Thanks so much for the comments! grin

Last but not least I'm polite because almost everyone is probably my elder on this board. Also Alexandre I think you should report that kind of problem to the admins so they can try to fix it.  Thumb up
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"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
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« Reply #10 on: June 25, 2009, 11:42:12 PM »

Done my corrections so just one thing to do!! Bump!!! grin
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"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
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« Reply #11 on: June 26, 2009, 12:57:28 AM »

Just my own personal nitpick here. Cigarettes are something of an anachronism (meaning that they don't belong in this time period) most folks would smoke from pipes using Pipeweed or hobbitweed. Just a small thing.
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Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
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« Reply #12 on: June 26, 2009, 02:35:48 AM »

Oh, Thanks for the heads up Uncle Val!  Thumb up

I've corrected that so now there is only one thing to do! Bump myself once more!
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"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
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« Reply #13 on: June 26, 2009, 05:45:28 AM »

Quote from: Thodin "Coldflame" Lomin
Though born as one of the descendants of King Erdolomin, Thodin was born with natural charisma, an enchanting voice, and an overall aura of confidence.

Is this in spite of King Erdolomin being social inapt? It isn't so clear a statement...

« Last Edit: June 26, 2009, 05:49:27 AM by Alexandre Scriabin » Logged

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« Reply #14 on: June 26, 2009, 06:02:32 AM »

Thanks for telling me that last bit Alexandre, I didn't notice that I had made such a funny mistake. Much obliged.

For the amazing third time today... Super Bump!
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"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
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