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Author Topic: Sylvia Palinor/Half-elf Tethinrhim and Avennorian/Bounty Hunter  (Read 25494 times)
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Sylvia Palinor
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #30 on: July 14, 2009, 12:05:20 AM »

Modifications made open to comments so give when you feel like. Thanks!
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #31 on: July 14, 2009, 01:33:38 AM »

You will want to break up the wall of text in your history.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #32 on: July 14, 2009, 03:54:16 AM »

OK I hope have met all qualifications. Thankyou to everyone who has helped me. If I create a new character I`ll know exactly what to do. Sylvia: New character? WHAT!? I thought You liked me? *Draws double kilij* Me: I do! You`re my favorite 'cause you`re the first ^^. Sylvia: *Sheathes them* ok :). Me: *Takes a step away from Sylvia.

Ok thankyou and let me know if anything is wrong! :D
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #33 on: July 14, 2009, 03:56:21 AM »

Edit: Problem solved. Laptop screen getting in the way. I'll have a check of this up later.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2009, 04:40:04 AM by Valan » Logged

Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
Sylvia Palinor
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #34 on: July 15, 2009, 07:00:34 AM »

Hey its sylvia, I haven't gotten a comment in about 24 hours so if you could comment that would be great. Hoping that a CD mod. will approve me soon.


Sylvia
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #35 on: July 15, 2009, 07:05:47 AM »

Three days.

Three days is how long you will have to wait before you can start actively trolling for comments. It's a rule.
There are CDs other  than your own, and only so many moderators, mini-moderators and commenters to go around.
So: Have some patience. Go read a book.
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Valan Nonesuch
Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #36 on: July 15, 2009, 07:58:25 AM »

Lol I actually read at least 1 a day but ok. :)
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Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #37 on: July 15, 2009, 08:21:52 AM »

Lol I actually read at least 1 a day but ok. :)

Can you please provide a reference as to where you saw that? Because if it is posted somewhere it is a mistake, and I'm sure that the mods and admin would like to fix it.

Valan is correct when he says that the time to wait is three days, Sylvia. I refer you to the following extract from a post made by Kalina in the Character Descriptions in Waiting thread:


PLEASE!

If it has been more than 3 days, then it is appropriate to post here. If your CD has received comments or has just been posted within the last 24 hours, there is no need to post here as it make take a few hours for someone to actually post a comment. Patience is an excellent virtue we love to practice here.


In any case, please practice a bit more patience when waiting for more comments ... three days is all we ask.

Thanks
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #38 on: July 15, 2009, 09:57:15 AM »

Name: Sylvia Palinor
            
Age: 35

Gender: Female

Race: Half-Elf

Tribes: Elf Aellenrhim; Human Kanapan

Overview: A combatant half-elf that is a bounty hunter and is very beautiful and has a great personality. Ok. Couple things here. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because you say she is beautiful, doesn't mean people actually believe it. Write the physical appearance and personality, then allow those who role play with you to make their own decision on the matter. Same applies to the personality. Next, is there nothing you can explain to use about her besides these three vague points? Nothing indepth giving us a clue as to who she is? Just a thought.

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: Quick Sylvar the Huntress I am not sure what you are trying to imply with this title. Yes, it is a play on words, but I am not sure it is implying what you think it is.

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, and 1 Nailsbreadth

Weight: 8 Hebs, 1 Od, and 7 Mut

You are currently 5'5" and approximately 90lbs. This is unhealthy. The lightest you would probably consider being for a female would be 100-110lbs. If not a little more. This allows you to be healthy in appearance and toned, without being round or overweight.


Eye Color: Korwyn Gold

Hair Color: Nor'sidian with 1 cy'hallowian snow lock in the front.

Appearance: Lyth'be pollen skin, slightly pointed ears, white teeth, half-full lips, sharp nose, very graceful and strong build and moderately curvy, a black crescent shaped birthmark on her forehead, very slightly slanted eyes, and a warm smile.

One thing which will help with adding detail, is using complete sentences. (I.E. Sylvia has skin the color of lyth'be pollen.) Things like the example I gave. Also, use some other descriptive words besides "very" or "slightly". A thesaurus is your friend and you may be surprised with the type of words you can use to describe different facial and body features.

Dress: Nor'sidian leggings, tunic, and boots. She wears her double kilij like an X on her back in leather scabbards. She places her bow strapped to the scabbards horizontally with the string facing down. She straps her quiver to a belt she wears like a sash on her left side. She is left-handed. She wears her brass knuckles at all times. She has painted all of her weapons black for stealth. She wears a white crescent moon pendant around her neck which she conceals whenever she has a job.

Create a separate section toward the bottom of your CD for your weapons and their descriptions. The clothing section is meant for you to describe the clothing, not the positioning of the weapons. What kind of cloth are the clothes made from? Do they have any designs? How do they fit: Loose, tight, etc?

Personality: Very playful and sarcastic, but can be serious when the need arrises. Very kind-hearted and caring, but does not hesitate to kill if the act is justified. Can be a bit cocky at times and is very witty and intelligent. Even though she is intelligent, she is very impulsive, headstrong, and slightly arrogant.

Plenty of mild contradictions. I find it helps to separate the personality by circumstance. Say, first explain how she is socially then when she is doing business. Examples help with this as well and going more in depth about why and how helps as well.


I will leave it at that for now. Gives you plenty to work on.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #39 on: July 16, 2009, 10:37:00 AM »

Updates finished. Comment when you feel like it.

Sylvia :)
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« Reply #40 on: July 16, 2009, 02:55:27 PM »

Lol I actually read at least 1 a day but ok. :)

Sylvia,

I think I may have misunderstood what you were meaning when you posted the above.

Were you meaning that you saw somewhere on the site here that you could ask for comments after 1 day had passed?

Or

Were you meaning that you already read 1 book a day in response to Valan's comment to you?

I thought you were meaning the first of these.
If you meant the second of them, please accept my apologies for my response to you.
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Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #41 on: July 17, 2009, 10:13:33 AM »

Oh it's ok it was about the book. I was confused as well. I accept your apology but I didn't think I deserved one after being so impatient about comments. I just got excited and I apologize.
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Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #42 on: July 17, 2009, 11:56:58 AM »

Sylvia: My comments, such as they are will be in yellow

Name: Sylvia Palinor
                                                                                                                                                              remove garbage spaces hereAge: 35

Gender: Female

Race: Human/Elf We tend to use "Half-Elf" in these cases.

Tribes: Elf Aellenrhim; Human Kanapan You might not be aware, but the Kanapan men live a rather long way away from the Aellenrhim. You might want to consider a more local tribe, like the Cenotaurians or the Helcrani.

Overview: A Human/Elf The term is "Half-Elf" neighbour who is outsider to most, terror to many, and friend to few. Sylvia has sharp features and flowing Nor'sidian hair with one cy'hallowian snow lock with a strong, lithe build. She is fairly skilled with three weapons: brass knuckles, double kilij, and an oak bow. She dresses in all black clothing and wears a white crescent moon pendant tied to string around her neck made by her father. She has what people call a truly short fuse and is consistently haunted by the ghost that is not knowing her father.

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: The Fiery Huntress.

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, and 1 Nailsbreadth

Weight: 1 pygge, 4 ods, and 3 mut

Eye Color: Korwyn Gold Neither of your parent tribes are known for having these eyes Sylvia. It's not a normal colour in either of them.

Hair Color: Nor'sidian with 1 cy'hallowian snow remove space
lock in the front.

Appearance: Sylvia has skin the color of lyth'be pollen, imperceptibly pointed ears, glistening white teeth, half-full lips, a sharp nose, and somewhat slanted eyes. She has an exceedingly graceful and toned build. She moderately curvy and is fairly lithe. She has a black crescent shaped birthmark on her forehead and a warm smile. Now, you seem to only be taking advantage of one of your parent tribes here. The Kanapans are actually a little on the darker side. In comparing them to folks from Earth, you might think of them as african in terms of colouration. You probably shouldn't be ignoring the other half of your heritage here.

Dress: She wears a tunic, leggings, and boots, all the color of nor'sidian. The boots are made from fine leather and are difficult to wear down, are comfortable, and good for travel. Her leggings and tunic are made from polyester, and fit not too loosely or tightly as not to affect her in combat, and are light. Polyester is a synthetic fabric, something Santharia does not have at this point. No polyester, please fix this.

Personality: When Sylvia has her guard down as low as it gets, which only happens around her friends, she opens up. She shows that she is very playful, sarcastic and has a great sense of humor. She is very kind to her friends but a lot of it is forced because she is a cold person by nature, though she does care for her friends. She has a soft spot for Naila and Tulu, who were her first friends. When Sylvia is doing her job, it is a different story. When she negotiates for some bounties, she is very brosque and has little patience. She has very sharp tongue when her temper rises which can sometimes instill fear to work for benefit, or backfire and get her into trouble. When she hunts she embraces her true nature: she shows no sympathy or mercy. Killing her bounties has little to no affect on her, because she reasons:They most likely did something wrong or there wouldn't be a bounty on them.

Strengths:
Light and agile: It aids her in swordplay and hand-to-hand combat.

Deadly accuracy: It makes her a great shot with her bow. Archery is a natural talent for her.

Stealthy: It gives her the element of surprise with the majority of her bounties. Most do not see their demise coming.

Maturity: She knows when to be serious and when to be playful. It gives her good judgement when she actually stops to think.

Oak bow: Allows her to take out bounties from a far distance

Double kilij: Her swords are light and she can wield them with one hand.

Steel knuckles: They aid her in hand-to-hand combat.

Weaknesses:
Lacks Strength and raw power: Makes close combat difficult with large bounties and must use both hands for her sword.

Horrible diplomacy skills: Cannot talk her way out of difficult situations and is forced to fight instead. She is not one to call for negotiating a peace treaty.

Horrible liar: She usually gets caught when doing wrong deeds. She cannot keep a straight face.

Headstrong: She usually doesn't listen to others which puts her into those difficult situations. It makes her appear as arrogant to most and people tend to avoid her.

Impulsive: She rushes into things without thinking which gets her into trouble many times.

Anti-social: She has very few people she can call on for help.

Temper: She has a fiery temper despite her kindness. If you insult her honor you'll feel feel the heat. It clouds her judgement so enemies can easily get the upperhand if they know which buttons to push.

Paronoia: Because of this, she only trusts very few people and only when they have unintentionally proved their trustworthyness. Also, it is near impossible for her to relax so most nights she has trouble sleeping.

This is unbalanced. Even for a half-elf, the learning here seems excessive for your age. You have three weapons, and a decent measure of skill with all three. I would recommend you drop at least one, if not two of these, and perhaps raise your age a bit. You've also failed to elaborate on many of the strengths and weaknesses. Generally it is better to have three or four well explained strengths and and a similar number of weaknesses rather than loading up on one sentence explanations for six or seven strengths and weaknesses.
I've ignored the history section as you still have a few comments from Kalina to see to as well as the strengths and weaknesses. Do not ask for more comments until you have integrated previous comments. This means you should change the posticon back to a pencil.

History: One day, Arthur Osgood was walking in the woods, headed to deliver a message for his mother Larina Osgood. See my comments in the familiar section with regards to Fujin cats. As he was walking he heard something in the underbrush. A Fujin Wildcat leaped out at him but it fell 1 fore from him. There was a tranquilizing dart protruding from its side.Out from behind a tree walked Fenan Palinor. She casted a spell to domesticate the beast and took it home as her pet. See also my comments about the Kanapan folk. They live rather far to the north, so this encounter requires a great deal of explanation. Also we prefer people stay away from magic (this means not making mages or generally not having anything to do with magic) with their first characters, since it's something in the way of complicated.

Weapons: She wears her double kilij like an X on her back in leather scabbards. She places her bow strapped to the scabbards horizontally with the string facing down. She straps her quiver to a belt she wears like a sash on her left side. She is left-handed. She wears her brass knuckles at all times. She has painted all of her weapons black for stealth.This belongs up here.

Familiars: Fujin Wildcat named Naila: Fujin cats are native to Nybelmar. Now, Nybelmar is another continent, kind of like North America and Europe particularly in regards to distance. In addition, the Fujin is the preferred mount of the military of the Grand Empire of Krath. To say procuring such an animal would be difficult would be an understatement.
Personality: Naila is very kind and loving toward most people and can sense the goodness in them. If you hurt her master their will be nowhere you can run from this great beast. Naila can be crafty at times but she loves to play innocent. She is loyal only to Sylvia and Fenan, Sylvia's mother.
Appearance: When she is not mirroring her surroundings she has a korwyn gold pelt, and Gnastheen green eyes. She resembles a large jungle cat. She is 2 peds tall and is 4 peds long. She weighs 1.8 pygges. Wynd Racer named Tulu:
Personality: Tulu is the comedian of the group, constantly making Sylvia laugh with his goofy antics. He is a clever bird and understands everything Sylvia says much like Naila. Tulu will always leap to the defense of Sylvia and the 2 animals and the Elf/Human all share a special bond of undying friendship and boundless loyalty.
Appearance: Tulu is cy'hollowian snow with a xazure stripe down his back. It's a pigeon. You might want to reread the entry on Wynd Racers. They have two heads, four wings. I see no mention of this. Fix it up please.  He stands at 0.5 fores tall and has a wingspan of 1 fore. He weighs 0.01 pygge. His intelligent nor'sidian eyes hold many secrets but reveal none.

Sylvia, you've missed a few of Kalina's comments on the basics, not to speak of the strengths and weaknesses, which is one of the more important sections. You should not still be asking for comments if you haven't integrated those made by a previous commenter. There are still some contradictions in the personality section, and you really haven't made much improvement in the appearence sections indicated by Kalina previously. While we don't expect novels, it seems like you aren't putting much effort into this. You will need to take both parents into account when doing a half-elf since they are of mixed heritage. This means you cannot ignore the facets of one tribe because it is inconvienient. If you do not want to do this, I would suggest not making a half-elf and instead making a pureblood elf, keeping in mind that elves tend to be a very peaceful people. Remmber, change the posticon back to the pencil and integrate all comments before changing it back. Otherwise we will continue to have this particular problem.
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Valan Nonesuch
Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #43 on: July 17, 2009, 01:56:05 PM »

.................. :(
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« Reply #44 on: July 17, 2009, 05:22:30 PM »

Hey there Sylvia, I'll give you some comments in very pretty blue.

                                                 
Name: Sylvia Palinor
                                                                                                                                                              Age: 35 < Formatting error?

Gender: Female

Race: Human/Elf

Tribes: Elf Aellenrhim; Human Kanapan

Overview: A Human/Elf who is outsider to most, terror to many, and friend to few. Sylvia has sharp features and flowing Nor'sidian hair with one cy'hallowian Cyhalloian snow lock with a strong, lithe build. She is fairly skilled with three weapons: brass knuckles, double kilij, and an oak bow. She dresses in all black clothing and wears a white crescent moon pendant tied to string around her neck made by her father. She has what people call a truly short fuse and is consistently haunted by the ghost that is not knowing her father.

How does she have a lock of purely white hair? It's interesting  :)

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: The Fiery Huntress.

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, and 1 Nailsbreadth

Weight: 1 pygge, 4 ods, and 3 mut < Because you've capitalised the measurements for her height, it'll look better if you capitalise the measurements for her weight

Eye Color: Korwyn Gold

Allenrhim elves usually have blue, purple or green eyes. Could you please explain how your character has come to have gold coloured ones?

Hair Color: Nor'sidian with 1 cy'hallowian Cyhalloian snow lock in the front.

Appearance: Sylvia has skin the color of Lyth'be pollen, imperceptibly pointed ears, glistening white teeth, half-full lips, a sharp nose, and somewhat slanted eyes. She has an exceedingly graceful and toned build. She is? moderately curvy and is fairly lithe. She has a black crescent shaped birthmark on her forehead and a warm smile.

Don't forget to capitalise colour names ;) You might want to try and extend this section a little. Elaborate? What more can you tell us about her features? It helps us visualise your character when not only reading your CD but when other people are roleplaying with you

Dress: She wears a tunic, leggings, and boots, all the color of nor'sidian. The boots are made from fine leather and are difficult to wear down, are comfortable, and good for travel. Her leggings and tunic are made from polyester, and fit not too loosely or tightly as not to affect her in combat, and are light.

Does she have any accessories to note?

Personality: When Sylvia has her guard down as low as it gets, < That last part confuses me a bit... which only happens around her friends, she opens up. She shows that she is very playful, sarcastic and has a great sense of humor. She is very kind to her friends but a lot of it is forced because she is a cold person by nature, though she does care for her friends. She has a soft spot for Naila and Tulu, who were her first friends. When Sylvia is doing her job, it is a different story. When she negotiates for some bounties, she is very brosque and has little patience. She has very sharp tongue when her temper rises which can sometimes instill fear to work for benefit, or backfire and get her into trouble. When she hunts she embraces her true nature: she shows no sympathy or mercy. Killing her bounties has little to no affect on her, because she reasons:They most likely did something wrong or there wouldn't be a bounty on them.

What about her likes or dislikes? Tell us what she likes to do when she's not hunting or hanging around her friends.

Strengths:
Light and agile: It aids her in swordplay and hand-to-hand combat.

Deadly accuracy: It makes her a great shot with her bow. Archery is a natural talent for her.

Stealthy: It gives her the element of surprise with the majority of her bounties. Most do not see their demise coming.

Maturity: She knows when to be serious and when to be playful. It gives her good judgement when she actually stops to think.

Oak bow: Allows her to take out bounties from a far distance


Double kilij: Her swords are light and she can wield them with one hand.

Steel knuckles: They aid her in hand-to-hand combat.


How does she make use of these strengths? Just a few sentences would be really helpful  :)

Weaknesses:
Lacks Strength and raw power: Makes close combat difficult with large bounties and must use both hands for her sword.

Horrible diplomacy skills: Cannot talk her way out of difficult situations and is forced to fight instead. She is not one to call for negotiating a peace treaty.

Horrible liar: She usually gets caught when doing wrong deeds. She cannot keep a straight face.

Headstrong: She usually doesn't listen to others which puts her into those difficult situations. It makes her appear as arrogant to most and people tend to avoid her.

Impulsive: She rushes into things without thinking which gets her into trouble many times.

Anti-social: She has very few people she can call on for help.

Temper: She has a fiery temper despite her kindness. If you insult her honor you'll feel feel the heat. It clouds her judgement so enemies can easily get the upperhand if they know which buttons to push.

Paronoia: Because of this, she only trusts very few people and only when they have unintentionally proved their trustworthyness. Also, it is near impossible for her to relax so most nights she has trouble sleeping.

History: One day, Arthur Osgood was walking in the woods, headed to deliver a message for his mother Larina Osgood. As he was walking he heard something in the underbrush. A Fujin Wildcat leaped out at him but it fell 1 fore one forefrom him. There was a tranquilizing dart protruding from its side. space Out from behind a tree walked Fenan Palinor. She casted a spell to domesticate the beast and took it home as her pet. It was love at first site sight for these two. < Which two? The wildcat and the woman? or the man and the woman?They never married but they met often at a small cottage near the place where they first met. They were deeply and intimately in love and eventually Sylvia was conceived. Her parents were overjoyed because of this. They scheduled a secret wedding for after Sylvia was born. Why was the wedding a secret? I thought her parents liked the fact that she was with child. Unfortunately, when Fenan was five months pregnant, Arthur was killed defending his mother in an orc raid. < Wowee, where do they live? What happened? Why did Orcs suddenly decide to trample their village? Fenan showed remarkable strength in keeping herself together for her baby. When Sylvia was born, only the house nurse, Sylvia's uncle Svendel, and Fenan herself knew of her existence. She began to reveal her daughter and gradually the Aellenrhim community accepted her. When she was 5 five, her mother began training her in the art of the bow. < The art of the bow sounds a little wrong. How about the art of using a bow? Or something like that. It was customary in her family to teach your theirchildren archery. Then, when she was 10 ten, her uncle began teaching her swordplay. He had picked up the skill in his travels. She became very good with a bow, fairly okay with a sword and decent in hand-to-hand combat which she picked up by having to defend herself against other kids who were prejiduced against her when she was 13 thirteen her uncle bought her brass knuckles from a merchant passing through the village.

That was a very long paragraph. Could you please break it up a little? It's easier on the eyes ;)
Oh, could you also mention how her father came to be living with her mother? Why would he leave his human village to reside in one so different in culture?


When she was 17 Seventeen, she began to travel. With her she took: an oak bow from her mother, a quiver of steel arrows also from her mother, a mithril arrow that may only be used once and will not miss also from her mother, her brass knuckles, a pendant on string shaped like a crescent moon and painted white that her father made before he died, and Naila. On the road, she found a Wynd Racer with two beroken broken wings. < How did she come across it? She took him with her until he could fly. When she released him he continued to follow her without her knowledge. Later that day, she was attacked by a hooded man in black robes. He wielded a large two-handed sword which made fighting him difficult fore Sylvia had no sword of her own. All she could do was dodge and block with her knuckles and land blows that seemed to have no affect. She attempted to jump back and use her bow but the man stayed in her face. Naila leaped to her defense but received a large gash on her side. Rage flooded Sylvia at that man who would dare attack her friend. She attacked wih renewed passion and vigor but the man was too much. He knocked her down with the butt of his sword and prepared to strike the the final blow. The Wynd Racer had other plans. With a squawk he swooped down from a nearby tree and began pecking and clawing at the man's face. This was all the distraction Sylvia needed. She slipped out a common kitchen knife she had smuggled from her mother and stabbed him right in the heart. She rushed over to Naila and knelt beside her and began examining the wound. The Wynd Racer landed on her shoulder and pecked affectionately at her. She had two thoughts: she loved that bird and that she had to get Naila help. Some soldiers from a nearby town came running through the bushes with their weapons drawn. Their eyes grew wide when they saw the man dead. When questioned, Sylvia explained what happened with a wary look in her eyes. One of the men began rumaging through his pocket and produced a leather pouch and tossed it at Sylvia's feet. He explained that it was for the bounty. Sylvia was amazed fore for she had never heard of this.

The guards helped her carry naila Naila to the nearby city while the Wynd Racer which she had decided to keep and named Tulu, flew overhead. Sylvia stayed in the town for six months to learn basic medical training so she could treat her animals herself. While she was there she picked up some double kilij so she would have a sword. When she had finished her training and Naila had fully recovered, she set out, deciding to hunt for more bounties. She trained relentlessly, developing her own unique style with her weapons. She became good with all of her weapons but she has yet to master them. Finally she was ready. She tracked her bounty John Cruso (NPC) < You don't need to say he is an NPC, we'd just like to know who he was, for many months. Finally she found him. He had stopped a carriage and was holding a man at knifepoint while his wife screamed. With one well-aimed shot John was dead. Conviently, the couple were the ones who put out the reward so she needn't collect his head. She collected herreward and went on her merry way. Sylvia stil hunts bounties to this day with herfaithful companions Tulu and Naila at her side.


You have a Wildcat at your side, so I was wondering: does she do anything to help Sylvia with hunting her bounties?[color]

Familiars: Fujin Wildcat named Naila:
Personality: Naila is very kind and loving toward most people and can sense the goodness in them. If you hurt her master their will be nowhere you can run from this great beast. Naila can be crafty at times but she loves to play innocent. She is loyal only to Sylvia and Fenan, Sylvia's mother.
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Appearance: When she is not mirroring her surroundings she has a korwyn gold pelt, and Gnastheen green eyes. She resembles a large jungle cat. She is 2 peds tall and is 4 peds long. She weighs 1.8 pygges. Wynd Racer named Tulu.
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Personality: Tulu is the comedian of the group, constantly making Sylvia laugh with his goofy antics. He is a clever bird and understands everything Sylvia says much like Naila. Tulu will always leap to the defense of Sylvia and the 2 animals and the Elf/Human all share a special bond of undying friendship and boundless loyalty.
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Appearance: Tulu is cy'hollowian snow with a xazure stripe down his back. He stands at 0.5 fores tall and has a wingspan of 1 fore. He weighs 0.01 pygge. His intelligent nor'sidian eyes hold many secrets but reveal none.


Okiedokie, with your familiar section, the information is set out sort of like a mini CD. It would be very helpful if you could list their names, age, gender, breed etc.. all in CD format so it is easy to read. You might also want to go through it and also capitalise the colour names and check it with a spell checker.

I did a bit of reading on the Fujin Wildcat, and they are mostly solitary creatures. Even as a female, these creatures are known to be not-so-nice and quite aggressive, and don't usually behave well with others. Even females have their own little groups. Sylvia's mother might have cast a mind spell on the animal (which you should probably state which one it is), but even mind spells don't last forever unless a really powerful mage casts them. Why didn't Naila run away when the spell wore off or was lifted?


Weapons: She wears her double kilij like an X on her back in leather scabbards. She places her bow strapped to the scabbards horizontally with the string facing down. She straps her quiver to a belt she wears like a sash on her left side. She is left-handed. She wears her brass knuckles at all times. She has painted all of her weapons black for stealth.

Could you please list each weapon under a subheading and briefly describe them? Just to explain how she uses them, where she puts them, why she likes them etc all in one spot without making a huge block of text  :)

I hope this gives you something to work with, I enjoyed reading your CD. Just watch your spelling and your grammar, and you should be fine.

Good luck with the approval process!

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