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Author Topic: Sylvia Palinor/Half-elf Tethinrhim and Avennorian/Bounty Hunter  (Read 25964 times)
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Sylvia Palinor
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #45 on: July 24, 2009, 12:13:12 PM »

just keeping off the 2nd page.
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #46 on: August 05, 2009, 04:00:04 AM »

ahhh i got put on the second page!
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #47 on: August 07, 2009, 11:56:33 AM »

Hey hun, you still have the WIP posticon up. Are you still working on integrating comments, or have you finished and need new ones? If you are ready, change the posticon to the "!", so people know you are good.

Also, you may wish to do a bit of a spellcheck.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
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Sylvia Palinor
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #48 on: August 08, 2009, 09:02:21 AM »

Thanks for checking Kalina I'm almost done just some more tweeks to the history and familiar sections and I should be ready to go.
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Sylvia Palinor
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #49 on: August 08, 2009, 12:25:00 PM »

 :grin:Ok all patched up and ready for business! I think I made a major improvement from when I first started. Also, Kalina could you please explain the contradictions in my personality to me?grin
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #50 on: August 08, 2009, 12:37:31 PM »

I will look at it after work tomorrow, if someone doesn't beat me to it. I need to go to bed now.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
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« Reply #51 on: August 08, 2009, 04:54:59 PM »

Hi Sylvia,

Me back again. I can see that you have done a lot of work on this. Let's see what I can do to assist you with this. My suggestions will be in gold.

Name: Sylvia Palinor

Age: 55 (knowledge 50 years and appearance 35 years.)

Gender: Female

Race: Half-elf

Tribes: Elf Tethinrhim; Human Avennorian

Overview: A Human/Elf who is outsider to most, terror to many, and friend to few. Sylvia has sharp features and flowing Nor'sidian hair with one cy'hallowian snow lock with a strong, lithe build. She is fairly skilled with two weapons: double kilij, and cooran'loh. She dresses in all black clothing and wears a white crescent moon pendant tied to string around her neck made by her father. She has what people call a truly short fuse and is constantly haunted by the ghost that is not knowing her father.

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Title: The Fiery Huntress.

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, and 1 Nailsbreadth

Weight: 1 Pygge, 4 Ods, and 3 Mut

Eye Color: Herme green with a minuscule amount of Eophran brown mixed into them (in earthen terms, hazel).If you'd rather just use hazel here you can do that.

Hair Color: Nor'sidian with 1 Cy'hallowian snow you could remove this enter here if you wanted to ... so that lock in the front. Is on the same line as the rest of it.
lock in the front (explained in the history).I'm not sure that you need that 'explained in the history' bit there ... as people would go on and read your history section anyway.

Appearance: Sylvia has skin the color of realm beige, moderately pointed ears, glistening white teeth, half-full lips the color of Aeruillin red, a sharp nose, and somewhat slanted eyes. She has an exceedingly graceful and toned build. She is moderately curvy and is fairly lithe. She has a black crescent shaped birthmark on her forehead and a calculating look in her her eyes. Her lips are usually set in a hard, firm line and she rarely laughs or smiles unless she is among her friends. Feel free to mention her hair and eye colour as well as her her height and weight in this section as well.

Dress: She wears a tunic, leggings, and boots, all the color of nor'sidian. The boots are made from fine leather and are difficult to wear down, are comfortable, and good for travel. Her leggings and tunic are made from cotton, and fit not too loosely or tightly as not to affect her in combat, and are light. The pattern of a Cy'hallowian snow-colored pentagram inside of a congruently colored circle is etched into her tunic on the right shoulder of her tunic. Inside of the pentagram, is the elvish writing of her soul name, written in the color of Aeruillin red. Just a question for you ... are her tunic and leggings long or short, are the boots long or short ones? Just something that I'm usually curious about with these, and it might help with regards to a portrait.

Personality: When Sylvia has her guard down as low as it gets, which only happens around her friends, she opens up. She shows that she is very playful, sarcastic and has a great sense of humor. She is very kind to her friends but a lot of it is forced because she is a cold person by nature, though she does care for her friends. She has a soft spot for Ilarol Vir and Mesa, who were her first friends. When Sylvia is doing her job, it is a different story. When she negotiates for some bounties, she is very brusque and has little patience. She has very sharp tongue when her temper rises which can sometimes instill fear to work for benefit, or backfire and get her into trouble. When she hunts she embraces her true nature: she shows no sympathy or mercy. Killing her bounties has little to no affect on her, because she reasons: a space in here please, Sylvia.They most likely did something wrong or there wouldn't be a bounty on them. I know you asked Kalina to explain to you what she meant about their being contradictions in your personality section. I'll leave that to Kalina to do for you ... as I wouldn't want to give you the wrong information on it.

Strengths:
Sylvia is light, agile, and quick: Sylvia isn't very large, and may even be called small, which she uses to her advantage. She can easily dodge attacks made by slower opponents, and can hold her own with the quick ones. What she lacks in power, she makes up for in speed. She is always one step ahead of her opponents and can land two blows in the time it takes them to land one.

Common Sense/Strategic thinking: Even though Sylvia isn't very "book smart", she has brains in the areas of common sense and strategy. She can think on her feet effectively and can outwit her enemies with only slight difficulty. She usually knows what to do in a spontaneous situation and leaves her enemies bewildered and confused. They never seem to know what hit them.

Double Kilij: These twin swords are helpful weapons to Sylvia. She has dyed them Nor'sidian so she can sneak up on her opponents at night. She uses the fact that they are are twin blades to her advantage. She can block with one of the blades, and strike with the other blade. She has developed her own unique fighting style with the blades, making them a blur before she strikes her finishing blow. Her preferred method of killing is to slice the opponents with both blades in the form of an X. With these weapons, close combat is made easy.   

Cooran'loh: These small blades attached to the inside of her boots can be a life saver in sticky situations. If an enemy lands a blow on her and she gets knocked down, she simply has to click her boots together and they spring out, allowing her to land some effective surprise attacks on the unsuspecting enemies who think they've won.

Does her horse and wolf ever help her in battle? If so, I think they'll need to be included in here as strengths.

Weaknesses:
Curse: Sylvia has been cursed by an evil mage whom was her bounty. It was difficult, but she took him down, and got a hefty reward. But, that reward came with a price. Moments before he died, he placed a curse on Sylvia. The physical appearance of this curse is the Cy'hallowian snow lock of hair that Sylvia posses. Whenever the curse is in effect, the lock of hair glows brightly. The effect of this curse is a horrible burning throughout her entire body that lasts for ten minutes, and she becomes incapacitated during this time. This curse takes effect whenever she physically exerts herself beyond her limits. She has made finding a mage powerful enough to undo the curse a top priority on her agenda.

Horrible lying/diplomacy skills: Sylvia cannot tell a lie. You might think it's because she's an honest person. Well then you're horribly wrong. Sylvia simply is a horrible liar. She cannot keep a straight face and is usually an open book to most people. Needless to say, one of the most valuable weapons to a bounty hunter, deception, is beyond her. Sylvia also cannot talk her way out of a situation, or settle a difference with words. This constantly becomes a problem to Sylvia and she is forced to use violence and force. She must constantly be on the lookout for people looking to cause trouble, for she prefers to avoid them. This makes her restless, which brings us to our next weakness: paranoia.

Paranoia: Sylvia has fought many enemies and much of the time the fight is brought to her. This makes her paranoid to the point of waking up constantly in the middle of the night and flinching at every noise she hears in the woods or on the road. She doesn't trust many people and it is difficult for her to accept anyone new into her circle of trust. Because of her distrust, she is not very social, which makes gathering information on her her bounties, and she typically has very few allies she can rely on without question.

Temper: Sylvia is fiery by nature and has a horrible temper. In a fight, if her temper rises her judgement can become clouded. If her enemies can get a rise out of her, they can easily gain an advantage. It's not hard to get a rise out of her. If you insult her pride or her friends, harm her or her friends, or question her honor, it will set her off like a stick of dynamite. Because of her temper, Sylvia tends to have a sharp tongue, and it can cause the breaking of a deal with one of her clients.

To me, these strengths and weaknesses look pretty good. If you decide to include one or both of the familiars in as Strengths, I suspect you'll need another weakness to balance it out. Kalina or someone else might be able to give you a better idea on that.

History: Arthur Osgood, a man with a short, small build and an even shorter temper, was walking through the Auturian woods, hunting for him and his mother. His short cropped Nor'sidian hair, uncommon for his tribe the Avennorians, ruffling minutely in the wind, he stopped walking to rub his Xazure eyes. He had been tracking what he judged to be a doe for some time now. He spotted her from the underbrush and she was nibbling on some small patches of grass. He took aim at the doe with his small hunting bow, his hand shaking fore because he was only of low class and had no experience with a bow. He was forced to hunt for himself and his mother fore because they were very poor. He shot and was off by several feet. The doe became startled and fled. Arthur cursed loudly and plopped down on his butt and put his face in his hands. He lifted his face up quickly when he heard a snarl not too far away. He stood up and drew his small kitchen knife and glanced around shiftily. From out of the bushes came a pack of six wolves, quickly surrounding him in the small clearing he was in. I think because works better in those two sentence than fore, Sylvia. Please consider making the changes I suggested.

He began trembling as the pack slowly circled him, the knife falling from his hands. When the wolves began to slowly advance on him, a feminine figure wearing wood-colored clothing jumped down from the top of a surrounding tree. Fenan Palinor, an elf from the tribe of Tethinrhim who was also hunting for her family, turns to face Arthur and says "What the hell(sorry for the profanity but it's how Fenan is)I don't think you need the words in the brackets ... it's a one off, so it'll be fine ... its not as though every third word you've used is profanity or something like that do you think you're doing?" Arthur is too stunned to speak and just stood there gawking at her. He has never seen someone so beautiful with her auburn hair, hazel eyes, and sharp features, he had eyes for her since that moment."Never mind." She said, annoyed. She drew her double kilij and took a protective stance over Arthur. The largest wolf that looked like the leader lunged at them. With one sweep of the sword in her right hand the wolf was downed. With one last snarl the the remaining wolves fled now that their leader had been killed.

Fenan turned to him with a grin on her face and was about to say something but she froze with a look of astonishment on her face. Never had she seen such beautiful eyes in her own tribe while looking into his pools of seemingly liquid magic. He in turn, was spellbound by her. They sat there and stared at each other for what seemed like was hours but was actually five minutes before they realised what they were doing. Arthur turned away quickly and blushed and Fenan simply continued to stare with an amused expression on her face. Her hand unconsciously touched his as they sat down and began talking. He didn't seem to mind at all. He found out that she aspired to be of warrior class in her tribe. He had no doubt in his mind that she would be some day. When she asked him about his life he was reluctant to tell her about his financial troubles but he found it impossible to lie to her while staring at those eyes and eventually told her. She felt sympathy for him and pulled out two squirrels that she had killed for food and gave them to him.

He could only stare at her with fierce gratitude. Her grin just grew larger and only then did she notice her hand was on his. Strangely, she made no move to remove it. They continued talking and found it interesting how different their cultures were. Both felt the connection blossoming between them. After all, nothing bonds two people than a near-death experience. As the sun sank lower on the horizon, they decided it was to time to head to their respective homes. Fean walked Arthur to his horse some miles away and Arthur did not object. When he reached his chestnut horse he packed away the squirrels that Fenan had given him and turned to face her. He offered her his hand and she shook it. When he tried to release her hand, she leaned forward and kissed him then took off running, a small smile on her face. Arthur was stunned for a moment but quickly snapped out of it. He mounted up with a smile similar to Fenan's and began the journey home. They both know they'd see the other again.

Arthur continued to visit Fenan in the forest and their bond grew evermore stronger beyond the point of friendship so it was not surprising when Fenan became pregnant. They were both overjoyed but also scared forebecause the head of Fenan's village would not approve of such a happening. They planned a secret wedding and only Arthur's mother, Miriam, and Fenan's brother Svendel would be attending. On one particular day Arthur and Fenan were supposed to meet in secret to plan for the wedding. As Fenan approached their secret meeting spot she smelled blood. She quickly drew her double kilij for protection and crept towards the place they had first met. When she got their she dropped her double kilij in shock. Lying there was Arthur covered in blood next to to equally covered wolves. She ran over to him as tears streamed from her eyes. She knelt beside him and felt his pulse. He was nearly gone and there was nothing she could do. He opened his eyes and gave her a weak smile and then scrunched them up in pain and grimaced.

He opened them again attempted weakly to lift his hand. She noticed something in his hand and took it. It was a white crescent-shaped pedant. He point to her stomach and she understood immediately. It was for her baby, their baby. She just nodded and he mouthed I love you. She just cried harder as he closed his eyes and his breathing stopped. She stayed there for hours crying and screaming for him to come back. Never had she felt such despair. It was like part of her, no half of her had just died. She wanted to die herself. Then she remembered that her life was not the only one dependent on her well-being. With great difficulty, she returned home. She was ridden with grief for days but she showed great strength in keeping it together for her daughter.

Four months later she gave birth to a little girl and named her Sylvia, Sylvia Palinor. She named her the name Arthur had wanted for her in memory of him. That night, under the full moon, Fenan placed the necklace Arthur made for her around Sylvia's neck. Sylvia was kept secret for three months until Fenan thought it was time she faced her tribe. The Tethinrhim leader did not take to kindly to a half-elf living within his tribe. After much persuasion and begging from his mate, he agreed to allow her to remain with the Tethinrhim. However he refused to have her soul name tattoed on her person. However the spiritual leader of the tribe agreed to do a reading in secret forth knowledge of the soul belongs to all.

As Sylvia grew older she did not get along well with other elven children because was easily noticeable she was different with her Nor'sidian hair and her ears that were not nearly as pointed as the other children's. It grew so bad she was starting to get death threats so her mother decided to keep her at home. when she was eighteen, her mother began training her in swordsmanship. She started off with wooden swords then after a month of training, she gave Sylvia her double kilij. Fenan also gave her her cooran'loh and spent many months training her how to balance while using them to attack.

I'm curious as to where you got the ideas regarding the death threats and the problems with the tribal leader. I've read through the entry on the Tethinrhim a few times now, and don't see any real suggestion to that happening. I'm not saying it wouldn't happen ... I'm just curious, that's all :D

When Sylvia was thirty years old she set off to find her calling in the world. One day, as she was walking in the wood, Sylvia heard whimpering. She set off to find the source. In some underbrush, she found an injured mithral wolf. She stayed with him in that area for a few weeks until her was healed. He wouldn't stop following her once he was better so she decided to bring him with her and named him Ilarol Vir. She found it fairly easy to train him to follow simple commands and he even hunted for the both of them. On the third day that they had been traveling, Sylvia was attacked by a man with a black mask who looked like an executioner. He wielded a large broad sword. Ilarol Vir, sensing his Mistress was in danger immediately attacked the man, scratching and biting him. This distracted the man long enough that Sylvia recovered and drew her double kilij. She commanded her beloved wolf to stand down. This was her fight and she didn't want him to get hurt.

They clashed for what seemed like ages but Sylvia was clearly the better swordsman. It seemed like she would win but the masked man had other plans. He blocked a double slash from her and took advantage of the opening she left by kicking her to the ground. He thought he'd won. He was dead wrong. Sylvia clicked her boots together, activating her cooran'loh. She skillfully balanced on her hands as she stabbed his arm. He cried out in pain but Sylvia wasn't done yet. She pushed off of the ground with some effort and spun in the air while at the same time she was cutting him. He staggered backwards in a daze. Sylvia landed lightly on her hands again and did a flip, stabbing his heart and puncturing his lung, killing him.

Some guards who had been patrolling the area from the nearby city of Marcogg burst through the bushes to the road she was on. They took one glance at Sylvia, one glance at the now dead masked man, and one glance at each other before the man who appeared to be the leader pulled out a medium sized pouch, and tossed it to Sylvia. Sylvia, who had now sheathed her double kilij and deactivated her cooran'loh, caught it with ease. When she opened it, she found gold and they quickly explained that it was for the bounty and she decided that was her calling in the world, to punish those who committed crime. Getting paid for it was a bonus. The guards politely escorted her to the nearby city of Marcogg and paid for her room at an inn. As they left they tipped their hats to her and one even winked at her. She sent him a glare and turned to the rest and smiled while thanking them. They departed immediately and Sylvia decided to look around for awhile. She came across a merchant selling a Koroch Fey Mol horse. She added him if this him refers to the horse, you'll need to change this him to her to her plan to become a bounty hunter, thinking she would need her to travel swiftly. She named her Mesa and decided to set off the following day to hunt a bounty she had discovered on a poster. He was known for being an evil mage and has a record of many serious crimes and misdemeanors ranging from murder to petty thievery. She headed back to her room for the rest of the day deciding that she would need all of her stamina for this hunt.

Just a question here ... she can't read/write, I don't think. so how was she able to tell that the poster was for a bounty? For all she knew it could have been someone advertising themselves as an entertainer or someone pedalling cures/potions. Just something I'm curious about, that's all. :D Maybe she overheard someone who could read it say it was a wanted/bounty poster ... or someone she knew from the town guard told her about it.

The following morning, Sylvia set out from Marcogg in search of Elrid the Terrible. She had no leads so she decided to travel until she reached a village. One week later, Sylvia stopped at a small village and began to ask around. Most people were very uncooperative, but she ran into a fragile old woman whose leg had been burned by dark magic. Sylvia had Ilarol Vir get the scent of it so they could track Elrid down. Sylvia thanked the old woman and quickly left on Mesa, letting Ilarol lead the way.

Sylvia found him four days later, sitting by a fire at night. She kept a distance of one hundred peds and tethered Mesa to a tree and whispered in her here ear to stay quiet. Mesa, being a highly intelligent horse, obeyed. Sylvia then instructed Ilarol Vir to stay put and guard Mesa. She then crept silently toward the camp the evil mage had made. Sylvia now squatted in the bushes surrounding his camp. She quickly thought of a way to catch him unawares as to avoid him using any spells against her. She quickly pulled padding from her bag and silently strapped them to her feet. Next, she drew her double kilij and locked them together into one sword. With her other hand, she grabbed a rock and lobbed it to the opposite side of the circle of bushes, creating noise. Elrid quickly stood and went to inspect the disturbance. He now had his back to her. Sylvia charged out of the bushes behind him, the padding silencing her steps. With one swift motion, she beheaded him. As he fell to ground dead, a horrible burning sensation spread throughout her entire person. She woke up ten minutes later with memories of the horrible burning and a lock of purely white hair. A mark of a curse. She stood up and collected the head of Elrid, wrapping it in cloth. She went and found Mesa asleep and Ilarol still standing his watch over her in his defensive stance. Sylvia mounted Mesa and gave the command for Ilarol to follow. This last paragraph is a long one, you might like to break it up into two, Sylvia.

Two weeks later Sylvia arrived back in Marcogg and collected her reward. Sylvia still hunts bounties to this day and has made a name for herself as the bane of wrongdoers.

Weapons:
Double Kilij: Sylvia wears her double kilij a inside of leather casing in the shape of an X. They are dyed Nor'sidian for stealth and are sharpened daily by Sylvia as they are a gift from her mother and are well cared for by her. These are her main weapons in combat and she has fairly decent skill with them. She likes these twin swords because of their convenient ability to attack and defend simultaneously.

Cooran'loh: These small twin blades are attached to Sylvia's boots on the inside and pop in and out easily. These are similarly cared for as the Sylvia's double kilij and are also a gift from her mother. These weapons are used as a last resort and she has decent skill with them but it has become more difficult to use them since she has been cursed. She likes these weapons because they can save her life at times by using the element of surprise.

Belongings:
Double Kilij
Two spare outfits identical to her current clothing
Crescent moon pendant
Water skins
Supplies for horse care
Cloth
Cooking materials
Outdoor bedding
Saddle
Saddle bags
Emergency rations
Maps of Santharia The lack of literacy would have an impact on her ability to use these maps as well, I think.
Money bag

Familiars:

Ilarol Vir:You won't need this written here

Name: Ilarol Vir

Age: 3 So, she got the wolf after the age of 52? I don't have a problem with that if that is the case, I just wanted to make sure you weren't wanting her to get the wolf when she was 35 or something like that.

Gender: Male

Breed: Mithral Wolf

Appearance: Ilarol Vir stands at two Fores and two palmspans high, is one Ped and three fores long, including his tail, and weighs one Pygge and one Heb. Most of his height is in his graceful legs which allow him to run swiftly. He has a pelt that sparkles in the moonlight, being the color of Barsadusk. He has a streak of Ithild running down his back and spots of the same color on his sides. His mask is of the same color as is the tip of his tail. He has black rings surrounding his Uderza blue eyes, giving him the impression of heavily applied eyeliner. His legs, along with his underbelly are Cy'hallowian snow. The inside of his ears are Mercoral, which are shaped like isosceles triangles with rounded tips.

Personality/Temperament: Ilarol is friendly only to Sylvia, and is highly distrusting of any others. He is boundlessly loyal to Sylvia alone and will trust only her and respond only to her commands. He is highly intelligent and crafty. By nature he is cold but he is warm for Sylvia for caring for him in the forest.

All of the height, weight and length measurements should be in small letters. the same thing for the colour names.

Mesa:You won't need this written here.

Name: Mesa

Age: 7A similar question is raised here as with the age of your wolf.

Gender: Female

Breed: Koroch Fey Mol horse.

Appearance: Mesa stands at 13.5 Hands and weighs one Pygge, eight Hebs, one Od, and four Mut. Her coat is Nor'sidian, as are her rather large intelligent eyes. She has a long mane and her pelt gives off a shine in the right light.

Personality/Temperament:
Mesa has grown attached to Sylvia over the years and is quite fond of her. She is not very brave and will run from trouble the first chance she gets. She is intelligent and understands most of what Sylvia attempts to convey to her. She is not very clever or crafty and is kind to most people.

The same comments relate to Mesa as to Ilarol with regards to colour names and height/weight.

Sylvia, this is really coming together nicely, I think. Most of the comments are made are just small corrections/suggestions, with most of the rest of them is me just wanting to clarify things in my mind about your character. I'll let Kalina go through the personality with you. Hope that helps. I think your fairly close to approvals.  Thumb up
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Seeking the truth, whatever the cost! - Deklitch Hardin, Elf Friend
Sylvia Palinor
Masked Huntress
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #52 on: August 08, 2009, 05:14:51 PM »

Thanks Dek I'll definitely incorporate your comments into my CD. Thankyou for the help and I cannot tell you how excited I am be so close to approval. :D
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Sylvia Palinor
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #53 on: August 08, 2009, 05:56:29 PM »

Done.  evil Pet
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #54 on: August 09, 2009, 02:25:20 AM »

Ok. I will go over your Personality, Strengths, and Weaknesses. Everything else Dek touched on.

Quote
Personality: When Sylvia has her guard down as low as it gets, which only happens around her friends, she opens up. I am not sure what you mean with this sentence
She shows that she is very playful, sarcastic and has a great sense of humor.
She is very kind to her friends but a lot of it is forced because she is a cold person by nature, though she does care for her friends. Generally a "cold" person would be playful, sarcastic, or have a good sense of humor. They tend to be more cynical in nature.
She has a soft spot for Ilarol Vir and Mesa, who were her first friends.
When Sylvia is doing her job, it is a different story.
When she negotiates for some bounties, she is very brusque and has little patience.
She has very sharp tongue when her temper rises which can sometimes instill fear to work for benefit, or backfire and get her into trouble.
When she hunts she embraces her true nature: she shows no sympathy or mercy.
Killing her bounties has little to no affect on her, because she reasons: They most likely did something wrong or there wouldn't be a bounty on them. They would have an affect on her, as generally people prefer their bounties alive, so you wouldn't get paid.

I tried to point out some main ones, but you give her two faces. You say she is playful and has a great sense of humor, but in the next line say she is cold. And the rest of your personality goes on to emphasize the coldness. Also, I would like to have a bit more situational detail on what she is like outside of work, without contradictions. Perhaps she is two different people in and outside of work, but make sure to portray that difference properly to exclude confusion.

Quote
Strengths:
Sylvia is light, agile, and quick: Sylvia isn't very large, and may even be called small, which she uses to her advantage. She can easily dodge attacks made by slower opponents, and can hold her own with the quick ones. What she lacks in power, she makes up for in speed. She is usually one step ahead of her opponents and can often land two blows in the time it takes them to land one.

Common Sense/Strategic thinking: Even though Sylvia isn't very "book smart", she has brains in the areas of common sense and strategy. She can think on her feet effectively and can generally outwit her enemies with only slight difficulty. She usually knows what to do in a spontaneous situation and leaves her enemies bewildered and confused. They never seem to know what hit them.

Double Kilij: These twin swords are helpful weapons to Sylvia. She has dyed them Nor'sidian so she can sneak up on her opponents at night. How does one "dye" metal? Or do you mean paint? She uses the fact that they are are twin blades to her advantage. She can block with one of the blades, and strike with the other blade. She has developed her own unique fighting style with the blades, making them a blur before she strikes her finishing blow. Her preferred method of killing is to slice the opponents with both blades in the form of an X. With these weapons, close combat is made easy. 

Cooran'loh: These small blades attached to the inside of her boots can be a life saver in sticky situations. If an enemy lands a blow on her and she gets knocked down, she simply has to click her boots together and they spring out, allowing her to land some effective surprise attacks on the unsuspecting enemies who think they've won.

Ilarol Vir: Ilarol Vir, her beloved Mithral wolf, aids her in tracking bounties with his sharp sense of smell and accute night vision. He can also help in a fight to create a diversion for Sylvia so she can strike against her opponents and end fights quickly. He also can hunt for the both of them, saving Sylvia money in not having to buy food.

Mesa: Mesa is Sylvia's riding horse. She allows Sylvia to travel much faster than if she were on foot. She also allows Sylvia to bring along more items by carrying them in her saddle bags.

Not too bad. I cleaned up the wording a bit to make them more open for the Moderators to work with, otherwise Thumb up

Quote
Weaknesses:
Curse: Sylvia has been cursed by an evil mage whom was her bounty. It was difficult, but she took him down, and got a hefty reward. But, that reward came with a price. Moments before he died, he placed a curse on Sylvia. The physical appearance of this curse is the Cy'hallowian snow lock of hair that Sylvia posses. Whenever the curse is in effect, the lock of hair glows brightly. The effect of this curse is a horrible burning throughout her entire body that lasts for ten minutes, and she becomes incapacitated during this time. This curse takes effect whenever she physically exerts herself beyond her limits. She has made finding a mage powerful enough to undo the curse a top priority on her agenda. That seems to be an easy curse, and not too much of a burden. Perhaps tweak what trips it, and it could be a solid weakness.

Horrible lying/diplomacy skills: Sylvia cannot tell a lie. You might think it's because she's an honest person. Well then you're horribly wrong. Sylvia simply is a horrible liar. She cannot keep a straight face and is usually an open book to most people. Needless to say, one of the most valuable weapons to a bounty hunter, deception, is beyond her. Sylvia also cannot talk her way out of a situation, or settle a difference with words. This constantly becomes a problem to Sylvia and she is forced to use violence and force. She must constantly be on the lookout for people looking to cause trouble, for she prefers to avoid them. This makes her restless, which brings us to our next weakness: paranoia. Ok, this you are contradicting both your personality and one of your strengths. So, in order to keep this, you will need to tweak your personality and the strength. (Common sense) It is mostly just a matter of altering a phrase or two to make sure they align appropriately.

Paranoia: Sylvia has fought many enemies and much of the time the fight is brought to her. This makes her paranoid to the point of waking up constantly in the middle of the night and flinching at every noise she hears in the woods or on the road. She doesn't trust many people and it is difficult for her to accept anyone new into her circle of trust. Because of her distrust, she is not very social, which makes gathering information on her her bounties, and she typically has very few allies she can rely on without question. Make sure to include this into your personality section, as it would affect her.

Temper: Sylvia is fiery by nature and has a horrible temper. In a fight, if her temper rises her judgement can become clouded. If her enemies can get a rise out of her, they can easily gain an advantage. It's not hard to get a rise out of her. If you insult her pride or her friends, harm her or her friends, or question her honor, it will set her off like a stick of dynamite. Because of her temper, Sylvia tends to have a sharp tongue, and it can cause the breaking of a deal with one of her clients. Make sure you include this in her personality.

Illiterate: Sylvia cannot read or write<comma> so gaining knowledge is rather difficult. She has to ask around for her information or, if she's lucky, she might be somewhere where she has connections. Also, she must read maps simply by what things look like so she cannot read the names of places. Most people are illiterate in this world, so this isn't a strong weakness. Now, a fear of asking people for information would work quite well, as she would have to be creative in how she obtains information.

Your weakness section is quite weak, not because of the weaknesses you have, but because of how they are worded and contradict various other points made throughout the rest of your CD. Straighten out your Personality and have a clear picture of what she is like and how she will react in a variety of situations, then go through your Strengths and Weaknesses and cleanup the lines which don't match up with what you have as your personality. You may even think up a couple of new Weaknesses.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Sylvia Palinor
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #55 on: August 09, 2009, 06:49:12 AM »

Ok, changes made. I hope I was able to fix things. Thanks for clarifying the personality and such. grin
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Twén Aråerwén
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Elf, Ifer’hém


« Reply #56 on: August 10, 2009, 11:46:27 AM »

Well as promised, I read over your CD. As you said "You don't need to leave comments" I'll just share some writing structure. Mind you, these are my opinions only and other great writers on the site may disagree.

The first thing I do when approaching a CD is make a list of useful titles for my character: For your character these would be ... the huntress, the bounty hunter, Sylvia, the melf. A few others are possible, as you have the full view of your character and how you wish to present her. A standard for me is to never use the same title in the course of a paragraph. Shown in Gayle Faewynd's CD if you would like to look. This practice allows me to construct a 5-7 sentence paragraph with no fears of repeating myself.

Another thing you will notice, which only comes from repetitive writing. I have a broad range of specific words I use to describe my characters. My personal favorites happen to be lithe, nimble, sensual, petite, alluring and quite a few others I am sure others could point out .... As you write more, you'll find your own, they are what distinguishes one writer from the next.

Here is a small list of my personal favorite writers and they are ones you can learn a lot from. They're still teaching me. Kalina (She's a master of grammar, read and study most anything she jots down.), Nox Belle (One of the greatest writers I have ever witnessed in these parts. She can write anything from comedy to horror.), Irid (The moderator for 'In Search of a Druid'. An absolutely amazing writer that has taught me a great deal.), Vesk (His writing style is kinda dark, but his attention to detail is unequaled.), Luca the thief (The only writer I have ever met that equals Nox Belle, I sometimes think they are one and the same. Beautiful person and writer, if you need help ... she's the one to ask.). There are many others about but those are my personal inspirations.

A side-note for you hun: Your title does not require the word 'the'. 'The' causes one to think that there are other Fiery Huntresses. Fiery Huntress is perfect as I truly doubt there will be others with such a title.
~Sincerely~
Cáo fá cár'tuulén: Twen Araerwen

 
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•º•The spell fell upon the crowd like a dragon, •º•
•º•ancient and full of death.•º•
_.·´¯) Twén Aråerwén's CD(¯`·._
Sylvia Palinor
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #57 on: August 10, 2009, 11:52:05 AM »

Thankie :)
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
Thodin Coldflame Lomin
The Cutpurse Gentleman
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« Reply #58 on: August 11, 2009, 02:15:15 AM »

Afternoon, Evening, Morning as the case may be at the time of reading and/or comprehension of this message.

So Sylvia, I'd have to be blind if I didn't see all the corrections that you have made to your CD. Can I suggest putting your corrections in a lighter color? Perhaps lime green or maybe light green? It's hard to read when the coloration is so dark, and blends with the background. Just a heads up to make reading your CD a little easier.  Thumb up
« Last Edit: August 11, 2009, 02:15:40 AM by Thodin Coldflame Lomin » Logged

"Of course I steal things. Wait. What do you mean you don't get it? Of course I'm a thief, but that's not going to stop me from being a nice guy now is it? Yes I took your wallet but so what? If it's not me it might as well be someone else right?"

- Thodin Lomin
Sylvia Palinor
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Half-elf-Tethinrhim/Avennorian


« Reply #59 on: August 11, 2009, 01:06:37 PM »

It's been about three days since I've gotten any content comments(no offense to Thodin or Twen), give or take a few hours, and I would be eternally grateful to anyone who would comment. Cookies to those who do! :)
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"Sympathy is a luxury I simply cannot afford, for in the death of others do I make my living."

Sylvia Palinor
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