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Author Topic: Ohénmár / Ylfferhim/Eyelian / Horse Groomer  (Read 15832 times)
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Ohénmár Celeste
Fair-Haired Wanderer
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Half-Elf, Ylfferhim/ Eyelian


« on: July 13, 2009, 11:16:43 AM »

Picture:


 

Name: Ohénmár Celeste

Gender: Female

Age: 17 years, about 13 human years in appearance and knowledge

Race: Elves/Human

Tribe: Ylfferhim/EyelianEagle clan

Occupation: Horse Groomer

Title: Fair-Haired Wanderer

Appearance

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 6 Nailsbreadths

Weight: 1 Pygge, 3 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od.

Hair Color: Cyhalloian Snow

Eye Color: Sognastheen Green

Physical Appearance: Ohénmár is extremely graceful, and moves as smoothly as water. She is very slender, but also athletic. She has long white hair, with green eyes, though tricks of the light make them appear blue sometimes. One aspect of being half-human is that she looks less fragile than other elves, with a more muscular build. She has a small nose and determination in her eyes. Often she has a very serious expression, but when she smiles her whole face lights up. Even though she is half-human, her ears are as pointed as any of the elves. She is about one ped, two fores tall and one pygge, three hebs in weight.

Clothing: Ohénmár has a formal, floor length, tight fitting blue silk dress. Rather than just a solid color, it has various shades that fade together. She also has a loose pale peach shirt and long, tan pants that she wears when she is traveling. They are always dirty, no matter how often she washes them. Even so, they are very comfortable, so she wears them often. She normally wears sandals, because they are cool and light, but also has a pair of boots for when she needs them. They are glossy black[/color] leather and are quite sturdy. She has a blue sapphire on a bracelet woven out of silver stems. Her warrior outfit is skintight armour, brown and silver in colour. It is highlighted with gold lines. She also has a dark red cloak for when it's cold, and, of course, to look cool.

Personality: Ohénmár cares about the suffering of others, especially after seeing so much sadness. While wandering, she has seen things that filled her with a sense of righteous anger. At times she can be very quiet, just thinking or simply enjoying the world around her, but when with others loves to talk. She is smart, creative, and thoughtful. She often plays her flute under the moon, and as she does she thinks about things.

She is afraid of fire, ever since she was trapped in a burning warehouse. She loves water in any shape or form. Preferring coldness to heat, she likes night better than day, and it makes her feel more awake. She likes both sunrises and sunsets, but she think sunrises are more special since she usually sleeps past dawn.
  
Her determination can sometimes be seen as stubbornness, but she doesn't care. She also sometimes feels she is better than others. Because she is smart, other people can seem stupid to her. She is shocked at how children her age, whether elf or human, don't even seem to care about anything outside their own little world world. Normally though, she doesn't worry about this, and forgets about her loneliness when she gets a chance to really start talking and laughing with others. She is brave and has a deep connection to nature, and all feathered and furry animals are her friends. This might be partly because the Eyelians, the tribe of her human mother, are known as beast tamers.

Strengths
Smart and Intelligent: She is very smart and learns quickly. She is very good with puzzles and riddles, and enjoys the challenge. When people tell her a fact she holds on to it and never forgets it. She can analyze a situation in a few seconds and hold her own when it comes to making decisions.

Excellent Swimmer: She is an excellent swimmer after spending many long summer days swimming in the ocean and in the river. This is a useful skill when she needs to get across a deep river, as long as the current isn't too strong. Since she doesn't mind getting wet, this mean she doesn't have to travel to a bridge.

Longbow: She has had only basic training with it. This means she knows how to care for it, and has an understanding of how it works. She would not use it in battle or for hunting, but she can hit the bullseye about seven peds one fore away. At most it would be an emergency defense.

Loves Animals: She can become quick friends with most any animal with fur or feathers. This has to do with her Eyelian heritage, who were known as the beast tamers. They can help her by calling out in alarm, warning her that danger is near, or just keeping her company. As a horse groomer, it is much easier for her to care for horses because of her ability to calm and befriend them.
Plays the flute: When she plays it can be beautiful, and when she does play where people can hear, she often gets compliments. She doesn't play any songs already made, even though she could, but she prefers to improvise and play soft, slow melodies, or quick, uplifting tunes. Every time she plays it is different. Sometimes a passing traveler will hear her and stop to listen. When she finishes her song they often exchange bits of news.

Weaknesses
Youth: Because she is young, she feels she is sometimes looked down on. Often she feels people want to take advantage of her or even just ignore her. Some don't take her seriously which makes it hard for her to talk to people. It also means she is afraid of being targeted by thieves, so she never goes out alone at night.

Hunting for her father: She is still looking for her father, so she has no permanent home and much of her time is taken up searching for him. Because her father travels a lot, she learned after she started looking, it is hard to find him. Some would even say impossible, but she will never give up. Because of this she often spends her time in town asking at the local taverns if anyone has seen him. Her whole life, including where she goes and how long she stays there, revolve around finding him.

Cocky: Sometimes she underestimates people, and almost subconsciously thinks she is better than them. This sometimes has gotten her into trouble. This is usually in terms of intellect, and she has offended more than one person, usually adults. Though she is more cautious when it comes to skill, such as with a bow and arrow.
Fear of Fire: She dislikes fire, and will not have anything to do with it, even to make a fire at night. This means it is impossible for her to cook her own meals, so she has to buy it already cooked or eat things that don't need to be cooked at all. This is from when she was trapped in a burning warehouse, and barely escaped. If there is a fire in a room, she will sit as far away from it as possible.

Often Lonely: Because she is always on the move, she has few friends, and misses the long conversations she used to have. The few friends she does have she doesn't see very often, and she forgets to visit. It doesn't help when she starts feeling sorry for herself, and sulks in a corner away from everyone else. This makes her seem antisocial, which only makes it harder for her to make new friends. Sometimes she doesn't even bother to talk to people, just sits in a corner.

History:   Her parents were of different races, her father an elf, her mother a human. They met when Ohénmár's mother, Crsinis Featherfriend Yourth, the village healer, went north to the Quallan forest, looking for different herbs. She was tall and proud, with a curved figure, and her eyes were a haunting blue. She had brown hair, highlited from many days out in the sun. Ohénmár's father, Háltelór Celeste, had deep green eyes, and was also tall, even for the Ylfferhim. He wore his hair in a braid, which was so white it was almost silver. Háltelór saw her in the forest and was curious. They became friends, and Ohénmár's mother would often go to the forest, to see him. They found they had much in common and eventually fell in love. About two years after they first met, they had Ohénmár. As Háltelór traveled a lot on business, it was decided Ohénmár would stay with Crisinis. And so, for sixteen years she lived with her mother among humans in Chylikis, in the Eagle clan. Her father traveled often as he was a merchant, so she didn't see him that often. She has few memories of Háltelór's home in the forest, though he occasionally came to visit Ohénmár and her mother. As she grew up she went exploring near her village and swam in the river, sometimes following it to the ocean. She climbed trees, found caves, and climbed over rocks. She didn't go alone, though. Often she went with other children from the village.  
  
She practiced with the bow and arrow almost every day. A man from the village helped, and taught her how it worked and occasionally gave her pointers. Even so, being independent, she often went to practice alone, setting up targets of different size. One day, there was a fire in the abandoned warehouse where she was practicing. She couldn't find a way out, but was saved by a cat that she followed out of the building. She could not find the cat after that, but supposed it was wild and happier that way. Even so it is part of the reason that she loves animals so much. It is also the reason she is so afraid of fire that she won't make one, even on the coldest of nights.
  
   A boy from out off town pranked her for a while. He would catch and release bugs in her room, so she always had to find them or be stuck with them all night. Sometimes she didn't find them, and she would feel them crawl up on her bed, or buzzing around her head. Just when she would drift off to sleep, one would buzz in her ear waking her up. This made it hard to sleep, and she would go into another room. She did not tell her mom, as Ohénmár knew she would just say she should not be afraid of bugs. She eventually caught the boy in the act and demanded to know why he did it. "Because you're a freak," he told her, "You're not even human!" He laughed. Outraged, she slammed into him. After drawing attention from the neighbours her mother came and broke up the fight. Though, Ohénmár was proud to say, the boy was more beat up than she was. Ohénmár never saw him again. She disliked bugs very much after that, even though she never particularly liked them in the first place. Even though she doesn't like them though, she tries not to kill them unnecessarily. Fish also creeped her out, they were too much like bugs.
  
   She eventually ran away when she couldn't stand living with humans anymore, taking her few belongings, including a silk dress and a saphire bracelet, with her. She attempted to find her father, but she had no idea where to find him. So she found occasional work in various villages as a groomer, while looking for her father. At the same time she explored the many forests and cities, watching from afar. She has been searching for almost a year now, but stopped by her mother's house for her 17Th birthday so she wouldn't celebrate alone. She currently has no permanent home, but rather sleeps under the stars.
Weapons: A bow and arrows, she has only limited training, able to hit the center of a target about 25 fores away with good accuracy, and a basic understanding of how it works. Both bow and arrows are made of wood, with the bow carved to have leaves winding around it. The bow has a drawweight of 50 od, and the arrows she uses have three feathers about 7 nailsbreath long.

Belongings: She has a flute she made herself and which she often plays under the moon. She has a a bag in which she carries food and her other belongings, the clothes she isn't wearing, and her supplies.It is blue dyed cotton, and has a shoulder strap so it is easy to carry.
« Last Edit: October 11, 2009, 01:32:15 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2009, 11:39:44 AM »

Spaces between paragraphs, please. :)
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Ohénmár Celeste
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Half-Elf, Ylfferhim/ Eyelian


« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2009, 02:19:24 AM »

Ok, I did that, and made a few changes.
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2009, 02:37:07 AM »

The first thing you'll want to do then is change the icon back to Char Status 2- Comments Welcomed! (The yellow exclamation mark)

However, to save us the time I'll go right ahead and give this a look over. As it is your CD is about as skeletal as they come. There is no meat here. We want to be able to see your character, regardless of whether or not there is a portrait to go with this. We want detail. Everywhere.
Your spelling leaves something to be desired in some cases.
I'm not all too knowledgeable about magic, but I can tell you that "being stronger when she's in or near water" is not how it works. I'm quite sure you can't store magical energy in gemstones either, but I'll leave that up to the folks with the expertise.

You are also missing a tribe for your human side. Yes, the humans have tribes too. I tell you now: Tribes are not names you pick out of a hat. There will have to be an explanation for why your character's mother met her father. You as the writer will know this, even if your character doesn't. Amnesia or simply "not knowing" are never excuses here.

So, fix up what I've mentioned above, and then put that exclamation mark back up. We'll see how far it's gotten.

Enjoy writing your CD,


Valan Nonesuch
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Ohénmár Celeste
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Half-Elf, Ylfferhim/ Eyelian


« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2009, 12:44:13 PM »

Ok, I added so more detail, though I may need to add more. I did a spelling check as well. I changed that part about magic, because I read the magic section and your right (,not that I didn't beleive you). I added a tribe that is close to the forest where Ylfferhim come from (can't remeber name of the forest at moment).


EDIT: Also added a protrait!
« Last Edit: July 14, 2009, 03:19:15 PM by Ohénmár » Logged

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« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2009, 03:23:55 PM »

Here's a good jumping on thread for mages.

I hear it comes highly recommended.
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Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2009, 03:52:42 PM »

Hi Ohénmár,

I'm here to give your CD a check. I don't know much about the magic section, but I can go through and check the rest of the CD for you. I'll make my comments for you in lime green.

Name:Ohénmár

Gender:Female

Age:17 years, about 14 human years in appearance and knowledge

Race:Elves/Human


Tribe:Ylfferhim/Eyelian

Race:Elves/Human

Occupation:Healer, uses water magic

Title:Water Spellcaster

Age:17 years, about 14 human years in appearance and knowledge

Occupation:Healer, uses water magic

Appearance

Height:1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 6 Nailsbreadths

Weight:1 Pygge, 3 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od.

Hair Color:Cyhalloi Snow

Eye Color:Sognastheen Green, but sometimes appear deep blue

Physical Appearance:My character is extremely graceful, and moves as smoothly as water. She is very slender, but also athletic. Her hair is white, with green eyes. One aspect of being half human is she looks less fragile than other elves, with a more muscular build.

It is good how you have used white and green in this part of Ohénmár's description. I would personally love to see a lot more description of Ohénmár. Are her arms and legs long or short? What about her hair? Is it long or short, wavy or straight? Does she have a birthmark anywhere on her body? With her using the sword and bow, does she have any kind of marks from practicing with these weapons? Also, please state Ohénmár's height and weight again in here, even if it is just to say something like that she is just over 1 ped, 2 fores tall and 1 pygge, 3 hebs in weight. Don't be afraid to use her name in here as well.

Clothing:Tight fitting blue silk dress of various shades. Also has a pale peach shirt and tan pants that she wears when she is traveling. Has a blue sapphire on a bracelet woven out of twigs.

Ohénmár, Please use full sentences when describing her clothing, and I'd like to see you use more description here as well. All you mention about the dress is that it is made of silk, blue, has various shades and is tight fitting. I would like to know more about the dress so I have a better idea of what it looks likeIs it a long dress or a short dress? Are the sleeves long or short? Describe the shirt and pants a bit more as well, long or short, what are the shirt and shorts made of, are they ripped or travel stained, that sort of thing. I'd imagine that travelling would be a bit hard on the feet, so does she have shoes of some kind? What about a cloak for when it is cold? Does she have pouches for money and similar things? Remember, you are using this to paint a picture of her for us through your words.

Personality:Cares about the suffering of others, which is why she became a healer. She is very smart and likes to think about things. At times she can be very quiet, but when with others loves to talk. She likes to think of herself as creative.

Once again, I would like to see a lot more details within your personality section, Ohénmár. What you have above is a good start, but I believe that you can expand the different aspects of her personality so that people have an idea of how she will behave in different circumstances. Her under estimating people, fears and likes could be mentioned in here as well.

Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths: Is very smart and learns quickly. She is an excellent swimmer and her magic appears to be very strong. She has a deep connection with nature and is very brave. Also she loves animals, at least most animals. She doesn't like bugs, and even though she loves water, she doesn't particularly care far fish. She loves birds in the forest, and always feeds stray cats.

Weaknesses: Dislikes fire, and will not have anything to do with it. Sometimes she underestimates people, and almost subconsciously thinks she is better than them. Because she is young many look down on her. She quit her magical training at level 1 so it is not as strong as it could be, and as she is still looking for her father (see history) she hasn't had a chance to go to an elven school of magic.

Ok ... each of your strengths and weaknesses need to be listed individually so that the CD Moderators can ensure that your character is balanced. After listing a strength/weakness, you need to write a couple of sentences about the strength/weakness so the mods can see how beneficial/limiting it is to your character. You are comparing your character to a human peasant. Such people don't know how to fight, would only be able to count using their fingers and possibly be able to recognise the first letter of their name. Anything you can do better than such an individual would be a strength. Anything that limits you would be a weakness. I can't see you mention healing in this section at all. Based on your CD to this point, I see your strengths and weaknesses as being:

Strengths
Healer

Water Magic Level 1

Smart and Intelligent

Excellent Swimmer

Sword

Longbow

Loves Animals

Weaknesses
Youth

Hunting for her father

Under estimates people

Fear of Fire

In my opinion, Ohénmár is currently unbalanced and you would need to either 1) tone down the strengths, perhaps by taking out the sword and/or longbow (if she cares about the suffering of others, why would she have weapons with her that would cause more suffering?) or 2) beef up your weaknesses or 3) a combination of both.


Magic: Level 1, and of water. She can heal, help plants grow faster, and turn water to ice or steam to name a few abilities. Because of her connection to water she enjoys swimming.

Sorry to say this, but I'm confident that you will need a lot more detail than two lines regarding her skill in water magic. I'm not an expert on magic, but with other CDs I have have read that are magicians of one of the four elements, they have a lot more detail regarding their magic. Please read Water Magic School and Water Magic Spells to find out details about the water magic spells. Alternatively, you can check out CDs of approved water mages. I'll get back to you with some suggested CDs for you to look at.

History:Her parents were of different races, her father an elf, her mother a human I'm curious about how they met. I'm also curious about where she was born.. For a while how long is a while? she lived with her mother among humans in Chylikis. She studied water magic at Ximaxian Academy to become a level 1 mage. She quit her training and ran away when she couldn't stand living with her mother anymore, taking the sword her father had given to her. She attempted to find her father, but she had little memory of his home in the forest, though he occasionally had come to visit Ohénmár and her mother. So she worked on her magic in the forest, while looking for her father. At the same time she explored the many forests and watched from afar. She has no permanent home, but rather sleeps under the stars.

Ok ... good start, but even after 17 years of age, you should be able to write more than a paragraph on her history. Maybe explain in it about her fear of fire, of a time when people looked down on her because of her youth, times when she has fed animals, times when she has felt she was better than other people, an explanation as to how she got her dislike of fish and bugs. This history section is a way to tie together all the parts of your CD to help us see Ohénmár as a person. Consider describing one of the visits her father paid to Ohénmár and her mother, perhaps the one on which he gave her the sword. You will also need to describe the circumstances behind her getting the orb. Remember, Ohénmár the character may not know the purpose of the orb, but you as the writer knows it, and you need to tell the moderators what it is used for as well as part of your CD.

Weapons: Bow and arrows at which she is skilled at using, due to long practice hours. She also has a sword given to her by her father on one of his visits with a sapphire embedded in the hilt. It has leaves carved to look like they are winding around it.

Belongings:A orb that shifts in color from green to blue. It's purpose is kept a secret. She also has a flute that she made herself and which she often plays under the moon. She also owns a bag in which she carries food and her other belongings.
These are good ideas, but if she can play music as well, that would need to be included as another strength, I believe. Don't forget to write it in full sentences, however.

Familiars: None in particular, but she often enjoys the company of any birds who happen to land on her shoulder or cats who have wandered away from home.

Familiars are for animals etc that you have with you most of the time. The occasional bird that visits Ohénmár and the occasional cat doesn't need to be included here. It would need to be worked into your strengths section.


Ok ... this is a good start on your CD, Ohénmár, but I believe you will need more details in the majority of your sections in order for you to become an approved character. I believe you are currently unbalanced in the comparison of your strengths and weaknesses and that you are too young to have spent all that time with the sword and bow and be a healer and be a water mage.

Please consider the changes I've recommended in my review of your CD and ask if you have any questions. Make sure that you colour all the changes you make to your CD. Please be aware that my comments are only designed to help you in getting to the necessary approvals to be able to play in the stories here and are not meant to offend.

I'll be back to see how your CD continues to develop and please ask if you have any questions.

Dek.
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« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2009, 03:05:54 AM »

Also note that "battle-mages" are banned.  I myself attempted to give Ruil access to two earth magic spells, and was ultimately shot down.  Unfortunately, you must choose between the magic or the mundane weapons. You can't have both, I'm afraid.
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Ohénmár Celeste
Fair-Haired Wanderer
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Half-Elf, Ylfferhim/ Eyelian


« Reply #8 on: July 15, 2009, 08:14:27 AM »

I guess I should make her not a mage.... I really don't know enough abou it. oh well.  :(
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #9 on: July 15, 2009, 08:22:31 AM »

Mages are quite complicated for first characters, hence we encourage first timers to stray away from magic until they are familiar with the Santharian World. If you would like to make a mage, I would be willing to help you in working that way, but it will be a project and take time. It is a unique concept which takes time to learn and understand so it can be played properly.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2009, 08:24:25 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
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Ohénmár Celeste
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Half-Elf, Ylfferhim/ Eyelian


« Reply #10 on: July 15, 2009, 09:54:45 AM »

Thanks, but I would rather she have weapons.

I added and changed a lot of details. I had to take anything that had something to do with magic. At least that means she has less strengths. Please read it now, it's a lot better. (atleast if you care)
« Last Edit: July 15, 2009, 11:04:09 AM by Ohénmár » Logged

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fionn
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« Reply #11 on: July 18, 2009, 04:45:14 AM »

Of course we care, Ohenmar! My comments will be in yellow.

Name:Ohénmár Does she have a second name?

Gender:Female

Tribe:Ylfferhim/Eyelian

Race:Elves/Human

Title:Wanderer

Age:17 years, about 14 human years in appearance and knowledge

Occupation:Anything that needs doing, to earn money. From cleaning out the stables to searching for a lost toy.

Appearance

Height:1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan, 6 Nailsbreadths you don't have to be quite as precise as this, if you don't want.  :)

Weight:1 Pygge, 3 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Od.

Hair Color: Cyhalloi Snow

Eye Color: Sognastheen Green, but sometimes they appear deep blue.

Physical Appearance:Ohénmár is extremely graceful, and moves as smoothly as water. She is very slender, but also athletic. She has long white hair, with green eyes. One aspect of being half human is she looks less fragile than other elves, with a more muscular build. She is about 1 ped tall and 1 pygge in weight. What does her face look like? Not her eye and hair colour, we know that already. but what's her smile like? pointed ears visible? prominent nos or not? What you've got is good, but I'd like to know more about small details like this.

Clothing: She has a formal, floor length, tight fitting blue spilk <the Santharian equivalent dress. Rather than just a solid color, it has various shades that fade together. Also has a loose pale peach shirt and long (not to mention dirty) tan pants that she wears when she is traveling. They are very comfortable. She normally wears sandals, because they are cool and light, but also has a pair of boots for when she needs them. They are made of leather and are very strong. She has a blue sapphire on a bracelet woven out of twigs. Her warrior outfit (on my protrait) is brown and silver (grey) with gold lines, skin tight armor.She also has a dark red cloak for when it's cold, (and to look cool).

Personality: Ohenmar cares about the suffering of others, especially after seeing so much sadness. She is very smart and likes to think about things. At times she can be very quiet, but when with others<comma loves to talk. She likes to think of herself as creative. She is afriad of fire but loves water. She prefers night to day, cold to heat, and sunrise to sunset. She sometimes feels she is better than others. This is because she is very smart. Infact, sometimes kids her own age, wether elf or human, can't seem to understand what she is saying, or even care about learning anything about the world. Normally though, she doesn't worry about this, and forgets about her loneliness when she gets a chance to really start talking and laughing with others. She is often surprised to find that some people are very clever in ways she is not.
That's a very good personality section, well done. :)

Strengths:
Sorry, I dunno if you've been told this already, but it helps if you can separate out your strengths and weaknesses so that each one is described under its own heading. that way it's much easier to see how each one affects her individually. Personally, I find it easier to write that way, too. ;) in your case, for example, your first strength might look like this:
Smart and Intelligent
Is very smart and learns quickly. plus atleast a couple more full sentences which say in what way she is smart, and how she uses this in every day life.

Excellent Swimmer

Sword

Longbow

Loves Animals

Plays the flute

 She is an excellent swimmer after spending many long summers swimming  in the ocean and in the river. She has a deep connection with nature and is very brave. Also she loves animals, at least most animals. She doesn't like bugs, and even though she loves water, she doesn't particularly care for fish. She loves birds in the forest, and always feeds stray cats.

Weaknesses: Same again here, really.
Youth
I think this is likely to be your biggest weaknes - people don't expect to meet a girl out on her own, weilding two kindsa weapons. She's likely to face quite a few problems both from people wanting to help and to take advantage of her. That's just something to bear in mind, though, not a proper comment.

Hunting for her father

Under estimates people

Fear of Fire

Often Lonely

Dislikes fire, and will not have anything to do with it. Sometimes she underestimates people, and almost subconsciously thinks she is better than them. Because she is young many look down on her. She is still looking for her father (see history) so she has no permanent home and much of her time is taken up searching for him. Because she is always on the move, she has few friends, and misses the long conversations she used to have.

History:Her parents were of different races, her father an elf her mother a human. For 16 years she lived with her mother among humans in Chylikis. She has few memories of her father's home in the forest, though he occasionally had come to visit Ohénmár and her mother. One day, on her 15th birthday infact, her father brought a present. It was a beautiful sword. "Thank you father!" She told him, giving him a big hug. He just smiled at her. She practiced with the sword and with her bow and arrow even more after that, determined to make him proud.
Being independent, she often went to practice alone. where? you say it's a building, but was it her house or what? While practicing one day, there was a fire where she was practicing. She couldn't find a way out, but was saved by a cat that she followed out of the building. It is the reason both that she loves animals, and is afriad of fire to the point where she won't make one, even on the coldest of nights.
A boy in town pranked her for a while. He would catch and release bugs in her room, so she always had to find them or be stuck with them all night. Sometimes she didn't find them, and she would feel them crawling on her bed. She eventually caught him  in the act and demanded to know why he did it. "Because you're a freak," he told her, "You're not even human!" He laughed, and she slammed into him him outraged. After drawing attention from the neigbors and her mother finally breaking up the fight, both were covered in bruises. Though, Ohénmár was proud to say, more so the boy than her. She disliked bugs very much after that, even though she never particularily liked them in the first place. Fish also creeped her out, they were too much like bugs.
She eventually
ran away when she couldn't stand living with humans anymore, taking the sword her father had given to her. She attempted to find her father, but she had no idea where to find him. She hadn't seen him since her birthday party where he gave her the sword. So she found occasional work in various villages, while looking for her father. At the same time she explored the many forests and watched from afar. She currently has no permanent home, but rather sleeps under the stars.

Weapons: She only carries weapons in self defense, or to fight for what she beleives is right, if the time should ever come. She has a bow and arrows at which she is skilled at using, due to long practice hours. She also has a sword given to her by her father on one of his visits with a sapphire embedded in the hilt. It has leaves carved to look like they are winding around it.

Belongings:A orb that shifts in color from green to blue. It's purpose is kept a secret. Actually, even she doesn't know what it is. She found it in the river one day while she was swimming. She found that it gives off light and heat when it's cold and dark, a great use when she is to afraid to make a fire. It actually was made by a mage and was lost in the river one day when he slipped and fell. It was carried downstream where Ohénmár found it. Maybe it was fate! She also has a flute she made herself and which she often plays under the moon. She has a a bag in which she carries food and her other belongings. It is completely died cotton, (blue of course,) and has a shoulder strap so it is easy to carry.

Familiars: None

A nice start, Ohenmar, well done. You need to reread and tweak a few bits, but I was impressed by the way you've put together a character with a proper, well rounded personality. Good work. grin
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"If it's teeth are longer than your fingers, for the Ancestors' sake, assume it doesn't want it's belly tickled..."
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Ohénmár Celeste
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Half-Elf, Ylfferhim/ Eyelian


« Reply #12 on: July 19, 2009, 05:28:04 AM »

Thanks! And for the part where you asked what building she practiced, I went ahead and said she practiced in an empty warehouse. Those do exsist right? I mean in most fantasy places they seem to have them, but I want to check.
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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #13 on: July 19, 2009, 06:58:46 AM »

An empty warehouse would probably not stay empty for long. The function of a warehouse in medieval eras would be to hold things before they were put on a ship. Ergo, it might be empty for a while, but eventually they'd fill it back up. The goods must move after all. You'd be better off with a derelict shack or an abandoned house somewhere (perhaps an old farmstead?).

We do have silk. Spilk is a Nybelmarian fabric (Krean specifically) spun by spiders (Spider silk, the word itself is a portmanteau) and it is no longer produced. Silk will do fine.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2009, 07:00:18 AM by Valan » Logged

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Valan Nonesuch
Ohénmár Celeste
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Half-Elf, Ylfferhim/ Eyelian


« Reply #14 on: July 20, 2009, 07:14:55 AM »

Thanks! I changed it to abandoned warehouse, so it would have some stuff in it, which makes more sense if she couldn't find a way out.
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