Sývaein Sorossa/Erpheronian/Sparkworker

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[Sývaein Sorossa]

Name
Sývaein Sorossa (Full Sývaein Singehands of the House Sorrossa)

Gender
Male

Age
39

Race
Human

Tribe
Erpheronian

Occupation
Aspiring Sparkworker/Level 4 Mage

Title
Scintillating Firestarter


Overview
While both of his younger siblings took to more mundane pursuits, Sývaein Sorossa took to the academic world of magic as a fish does to water, or a kuatu to a tree. His forceful personality and penchant for fire magic make him a formidable personality to deal with.

Appearance

Height
1 Ped, 2 Fores, 3 Nailsbreadths,

Weight
1 pygge, 1 heb, 6 ods
  
Hair Colour
Dark brown

Eye Colour
Hazel

Physical Appearance

Sývaein wears his brown hair rather short all around, a necessary measure when dealing with fire in his experience. In spite of this, he has grown a beard that extends down the sides of his face and terminates in a square chin.

Sývaein is solidly built, if a little light and tending towards shortness. He is however, tending to flab in some places from lack of exercise. Sývaein is shorter than is average, which he makes up for in sheer force of personality.

His fingers, hands and forearms have some rather prominent burn scars on them, the result of a rise flame spell and a poorly positioned sleeve among other things.  The unfortunate result was that Sývaein now shaves his forearms to avoid such an accident in the future.

Clothing

As a result of the aforementioned incident, much of Sývaein’s wardrobe is less billowy than that associated with the stereotypical mage. The clothing is brown (reagents from fire spells tend to be messy) and while the sleeves of his robes still have some slack, Sývaein has devised a somewhat complex systems of loops and ties that enable him to secure these sections of his clothing so that it won’t inadvertently catch on fire. Again.

The interesting section of Sývaein’s robes is actually the legs. While there is no tie system in place, Sývaein's voluminous robes are not connected to the section worn on the torso, rather, they are held up by a belt of braided rope. These robes have holes along the sides, similar to those used for pockets.
 
Sývaein’s allowance for pants enables him to store his reagents and other important bits and bobs in pockets along the sides of the pants and hanging in pouches from loops at the waist of these pants. Sývaein can therefore reach through the robes and grab his reagents while still maintaining the appearance of a cultured and knowledgeable mage.  

Very important to Sývaein is the white scarf he wears while performing. This is embroidered with a flame inside a starburst, both in red.
  
Personality

Sývaein simply bursts with the desire to convey knowledge. His overwhelming desire to prove that he is, above all else, right is obvious in his manner of speech despite his unfortunate ailment. Sývaein also conveys a distinct concept of "knowing what he is doing" even if he doesn't. The quality (supposedly related to an aura of confidence) was taught to him at a rather young age by his father, in preparation for matters political, and young Sývaein never figured out how to stop looking like he knew what he was doing. Sývaein is also very fond of his cat despite the equally unfortunate fact that this wonderful animal tends to trigger attacks of strangling disease. Sývaein and Gar get along like a doch nut and its shell, or a meldrapple and its tree. ]Sývaein is also rather partial to poetry and enjoys verse, whether plain or ornamented, whenever possible.



Strengths

Sývaein has a great force of personality despite his affliction. While occasionally his breathless way of speaking does negate this particular facet, his overall manner conveys a sense of purpose and overall an idea of “knowing what he is about”.

Sývaein has attained the third level of learning in magic, and may exercise his control over the element of fire through the first sphere of magic.

Sývaein is the happy companion of a Ximaxian Cat, who he calls Gar. Gar is, like all Ximaxian cats, rather intelligent and capable of communicating with her master telepathically to a limited extent.


Weaknesses

Sývaein suffers from a moderate case of strangling disease, unfortunate since the smoke and ash from his performances and spell casting tend towards setting off attacks of his illness. Sývaein wears a moist cloth over his mouth and nose when casting if he can, but despite his best measures, he often suffers from two or three attacks in a week, which may leave him breathless for a few moments and hacking and wheezing are not uncommon. This has also hindered Sývaein’s ability to learn to cast spells, since formulas for some spells are too long for him to complete without losing concentration.

Sývaein often falls into the trap of thinking that he is always right by virtue of being smarter than everyone else. The fact is he has a tendency to connect the right dots in the wrong way or the wrong dots in the right way and comes to a conclusion slightly removed to what the actual right answer might be.

Sývaein’s cat, the wonderful Gar, tends to enjoy jumping on her master and generally making his life worse when it comes to triggering attacks of strangling disease. Despite being a very intelligent animal, Gar enjoys tormenting Sývaein a little bit too much for either of their own good.

Magic
Regardless of whether or not he has an audience, Syvaein performs when casting. There is no other way to describe it. He casts streams of sparks into the air and lights up the sky with balls of fire. Syvaein delights in entertaining, in lighting up the eyes of children with flashes of light and trailing fires.

His skill with manipulating the sphere of pyrification, grouping ounia to continue a firework well after its natural lifespan or pulling fire from thin air, is beyond question. Indeed Syvaein has had become skilled enough at manipulating flames to keep his audience safe while he dazzles them. Syvaein is at ease with flashy displays of conflagration and bursts of light.

Feats that might daunt less practiced spellcasters pose no great obstacle to Syvaein Singehands, from extinguishing fireballs in mid-flight to turning a simple candle into a bar of flame, Syvaein has had more practice and practical experience with his own peculiar brand of fire magic than most of his peers.

Audience or no, Syvaein employs Sphere II to the best of his abilities when he can but does not hesitate to use sphere one if the same effect can be achieved with less effort. He shows a casual disdain for spiritual magic of any kind, and will only ever begrudgingly admit its usefulness.

History

Sývaein Sorossa was cut out to be the master of the family. Five years older than his younger brother, and six years older than his youngest brother, Sývaein was groomed to take over the affairs of his father, a noble of some small import. While he was apt at the task of politics, Sývaein’s true skills lay in scholarship. Particularly magic. Once he was satisfied that his heir was prepared should he die in the foreseeable future, the Old Master Sorossa was content to see his son develop to a position of further power, as a mage.

Sývaein however was not particularly “cut out” for magic. While it had not manifested in the northern reaches of Nermeran where only the hardiest plants grew without careful tending, the bustling city of Ximax, and the academy with its reagents and dust and people triggered a heretofore unknown case of strangling disease: an unfortunate ailment that Sývaein had managed to inherit from his father. Smoke, flying powder and dusty tomes did little but aggravate the symptoms of his disease. His constant wheezing and coughing, which in turn hindered his spell-casting, lead to the unfortunate nickname of “Hack” among fellow students.

Sývaein’s studies were interrupted by the death of his father, now the “late Master Sorossa”. Uninclined to do anything with his newly inherited responsibilities, Sývaein passed his role on to his younger brother, the merchant Normeros, so that he might continue with his studies.

Sývaein’s studies improved markedly following the death of his father. Some attributed it to avoiding mourning or misplaced grief, while others simply thought him changed by the experience. The fact of the matter was that Sývaein no longer had to worry about such petty things as “duty” and had thrown himself into his studies. It was then that the unfortunate incident that earned him his newer nickname, “Singehands” as well as his newer dress habits occurred.

Sývaein, practicing a simple “Flame Control” spell, had his sleeve catch on fire when a wandering cat decided to pounce on him. The surprise, combined with the unfortunate onset of a fit of coughing, caused Sývaein to sweep his sleeve over the candle he was working with. The sleeve caught fire, and dusted with various reagents as it was from the day’s work, combusted quite magnificently before Sývaein could tear it off and stomp it out, which accidentally set fire to the other sleeve, which was also torn off. The cat, oblivious to the mayhem it had caused, settled in with Sývaein.

Gar, as the cat came to be called, seemed to view a source of great amusement in Sývaein’s coughing fits much to Sývaein’s dismay. His new companion (pet would not be the right word for such a creature) would apparently spend her days in contemplation of rather elaborate plans to induce such fits or embarrass him, in hopes of recreating the first incident or something like it.

Sývaein soon discovered that his specialty lay not in the manipulation of candles and other flames, but in the marvel of the “Sparkling Stream”. True masters of the spell were known to command great audiences, even royalty in the case of great “Sparkworkers”. Though his studies were incomplete, Sývaein desired to test his skill, and set to travelling the land. Unfortunately, the cat decided to follow him.


Weapons

While unable to hit a tree in the middle of a forest with such a device, Sývaein owns a simple sling, which he uses to launch his powders higher in order to produce a better show.

Belongings

Sývaein carries a rather wide variety of magical reagents and focuses for his spells, having a use for all sorts of powders for his displays, as well as a small book with various notes on how to produce certain effects, colourations, sizes and similar details that make the presentations all the same. Sývaein also carries a flask of water with him, which he uses to wet the scarf he wears before using magic. This, combined with a slight use of magic alleviates some of the symptoms of his strangling disease by bringing the water to a near boil before applying it to the cloth.

Familiar

Name: Gar

Species: Ximax Cat

Gender: Female

Age: 6

Appearance: Fortunately for both cat and owner, Gar is short haired and has the two-toned colouration that experts refer to as chandler’s, with white fur on the feet, underbelly and some of the face, while the body legs and most of the head are coloured orange. Like all Ximax Cats Gar has violet coloured eyes, which tend to be very expressive. Gar stands about a fore and a bit tall, and two and a half fores from nose to tail.

Personality: Gar is a wily animal and enjoys figuring out ways to confound and belittle her master. Highly intelligent, Gar has been known to plan far enough in advance to prepare to jump down on Sývaein from on top of a box he would be carrying, causing him to have to drop the box on the ground, or else on his foot. Sývaein has yet to figure out exactly why Gar enjoys tormenting him so much, but expects that it is a female thing. Gar enjoys travelling with Sývaein, despite what actions may indicate and the two have something of a rapport, when one is not trying to do the other in. While she cannot be called malevolent or even cruel, it is easy enough to see that Gar does not have a “conventional” sense of humour. Like her master, Gar enjoys poetry. It has been the only thing to stop the cat in mid-assault and rather unfortunate things tend to happen to people who interupt Gar's enjoyment of poetry.

[Deklitch Hardin]

I'm sorry ... I accidentally hit 'modify' on Sývaein's post instead of hitting 'reply'. I then proceeded to do my review of it directly on his post. I've since gone back in and did it as a reply, after removing my comments on his post. My apologies on that.

Dek

Hi there and welcome to Santharia, Sývaein. I'll check this here CD of yours in the firey colour of red!

Name
Sývaein Sorossa (Full Sývaein Singehands of the House Sorrossa)

Gender
Male

Age
20

Race
Human

Tribe
Epheronian

Occupation
Aspiring Sparkworker

Title
Scintillating Firestarter


Overview
While both of his younger siblings took to more mundane pursuits, Sývaein Sorossa  took to the academic world of magic as a fish does to water, or a kuatu to a tree. His forceful personality and penchant for fire magic make him a formidable personality to deal with.

Appearance

Height
1 Ped, 2 Fores, 3 Nailsbreadths,

Weight
1 pygge, 1 heb, 6 ods
  
Hair Colour
Dark brown

Eye Colour
Hazel

Physical Appearance
Sývaein wears his brown hair rather short all around, a necessary measure when dealing with fire in his experience, though he has grown a beard that extends down the sides of his faes and terminates in a square chin. Any chance of splitting this into a couple of sentences please, Sývaein?

He is solidly built, if a little light and tending towards shortness, for a mage while tending to flab in some places from lack of exercise. Something doesn't quite seem right to me in that last sentence. Maybe try rewording it, even two sentences might work better. Sývaein is shorter than is average, which he makes up for in sheer force of personality.

His fingers, hands and forearms have some rather prominent burn scars on them, the result of a rise flame spell and a poorly positioned sleeve among other things.  The unfortunate result was that Sývaein now shaves his forearms to avoid such an accident in the future.
Please ensure you have line spaces between paragraphs, I've put them into your Physical Appearance bit for you.

Clothing
As a result of the aforementioned incident, much of Sývaein’s wardrobe is less billowy than that associated with the stereotypical mage. The clothing is brown (reagents from fire spells tend to be messy) and while the sleeves of his robes still have some slack, Sývaein has devised a somewhat complex systems of loops and ties that enable him to secure these sections of his clothing so that it won’t inadvertently catch on fire. Again.

The interesting section of Sývaein’s robes is actually the legs. While the tie system is not in place below the torso of the robe along the sides of the garment there are holes, similar to pockets.I've read this last sentence a few times, and I'm still not quite understanding it. I think it needs a comma after robe. Sývaein’s allowance for pants enables him to store his reagents and other important bits and bobs in pockets along the sides of the pants and hanging in pouches from loops at the waist of these pants. Sývaein can therefore reach through the robes and grab his reagents while still maintaining the appearance of a cultured and knowledgeable mage.  
Line space in here please.
Very important to Sývaein is the white scarf he wears while performing. This is embroidered with a flame inside a starburst, both in red.
  
Personality
Sývaein simply bursts with the desire to convey knowledge. His overwhelming desire to prove that he is, above all else, right is obvious in his manner of speech, despite his unfortunate ailment. Sývaein also conveys a distinct concept of "knowing what he is doing" even if he doesn't. The quality (supposedly related to an aura of confidence) was taught to him at a rather young age by his father, in preparation for matters political, and young Sývaein never figured out how to stop looking like he knew what he was doing. Sývaein is also very fond of his cat, despite the equally unfortunate fact that this wonderful animal tends to trigger attacks of strangling disease. Sývaein and Gar get along like a doch nut and its shell, or a meldrapple and its tree.

Strengths and Weaknesses:

Strengths

Sývaein has a great force of personality, despite his affliction. While occasionally his breathless way of speaking does negate this particular facet, his overall manner conveys a sense of purpose and overall an idea of “knowing what he is about”.

Sývaein has attained the second level of learning in magic, and may exercise his control over the element of fire through the first sphere of magic.

Sývaein is the happy companion of a Ximaxian Cat, who he calls Gar. Gar is, like all Ximaxian cats, rather intelligent and capable of communicating with her master telepathically to a limited extent.

Weaknesses

Sývaein suffers from a moderate case of strangling disease, unfortunate since the smoke and ash from his performances and spell casting tend towards setting off attacks of his illness. Sývaein wears a moist cloth over his mouth and nose when casting if he can, but despite his best measures, he often suffers from two or three attacks in a week, which may leave him breathless for a few moments and hacking and wheezing are not uncommon. This has also hindered Sývaein’s ability to learn to cast spells, since formulas for some spells are too long for him to complete without losing concentration.

Sývaein often falls into the trap of thinking that he is always right, by virtue of being smarter than everyone else. The fact is, he has a tendency to connect the right dots in the wrong way, or the wrong dots in the right way and come to a conclusion slightly removed to what the actual right answer might be.

Sývaein’s cat, the wonderful Gar, tends to enjoy jumping on her master and generally making his life worse when it comes to triggering attacks of strangling disease. Despite being a very intelligent animal, Gar enjoys tormenting Sývaein a little bit too much for either of their own good.

Magic
While not an especially gifted mage, Sývaein has learned enough to have attained the second level of spell casting. His specialty is “Sparkling Stream” spell, with generous applications of “Light” and the ever fundamental “Rise Flame” which he uses to keep himself clear of the smoke from fires and torches.

I think you might need to expand on your magic section significantly. I'll ask someone with magic knowledge to guide you through it.

History
Sývaein Sorossa was cut out to be the master of the family. Two years older than his younger brother, and three years older than his youngest brother, Sývaein was groomed to take over the affairs of his father, a noble of some small import. While he was apt at the task of politics, Syvaen’s true skills lay in scholarship. Particularly magic. Once he was satisfied that his heir was prepared should he die in the foreseeable future, the Old Master Sorossa was content to see his son develop to a position of further power, as a mage.

Sývaein however was not particularly “cut out” for magic. While it had not manifested in the northern reaches of Nermeran where only the hardiest plants grew without careful tending, the bustling city of Ximax, and the academy with its reagents and dust and people triggered a heretofore unknown case of strangling disease: an unfortunate ailment that Sývaein had managed to inherit from his father. Smoke, flying powder and dusty tomes did little but aggravate the symptoms of his disease. His constant wheezing and coughing, which in turn hindered his spell-casting, lead to the unfortunate nickname of “Hack” among fellow students.

Sývaein’s studies were interrupted by the death of his father, now the “late Master Sorossa”. Uninclined to do anything with his newly inherited responsibilities, Sývaein passed his role on to his younger brother, the merchant Normeros, so that he might continue with his studies.

Sývaein’s studies improved markedly following the death of his father. Some attributed it to avoiding mourning or misplaced grief, while others simply thought him changed by the experience. The fact of the matter was that Sývaein no longer had to worry about such petty things as “duty” and had thrown himself into his studies. It was then that the unfortunate incident that earned him his newer nickname, “Singehands” as well as his newer dress habits occurred.

Sývaein, practicing a simple “Flame Control” spell, had his sleeve catch on fire when a wandering cat decided to pounce on him. The surprise, combined with the unfortunate onset of a fit of coughing, caused Sývaein to sweep his sleeve over the candle he was working with. The sleeve caught fire, and dusted with various reagents as it was from the day’s work, combusted quite magnificently before Sývaein could tear it off and stomp it out, which accidentally set fire to the other sleeve, which was also torn off. The cat, oblivious to the mayhem it had caused, settled in with Sývaein.

Gar, as the cat came to be called, seemed to view a source of great amusement in Sývaein’s coughing fits much to Sývaein’s dismay. His new companion (pet would not be the right word for such a creature) would apparently spend her days in contemplation of rather elaborate plans to induce such fits, or embarrass him, in hopes of recreating the first incident, or something like it.
The above is a bit too much like a wall of text to me ... please consider revising and splitting it up, thank you. Maybe break it up as I have done here for you

Sývaein soon discovered that his specialty lay not in the manipulation of candles and other flames, but in the marvel of the “Sparkling Stream”. True masters of the spell were known to command great audiences, even royalty in the case of great “Sparkworkers”. Though his studies were incomplete, Sývaein desired to test his skill, and set to travelling the land. Unfortunately, the cat decided to follow him.

Weapons
While unable to hit a tree in the middle of a forest with such a device, Sývaein owns a simple sling, which he uses to launch his powders higher in order to produce a better show.

Belongings
Sývaein carries a rather wide variety of magical reagents and focuses for his spells, having a use for all sorts of powders for his displays, as well as a small book with various notes on how to produce certain effects, colourations, sizes and similar details that make the presentations all the same. Please consider reworking the above sentence and turning it into two. Sývaein also carries a flask of water with him, which he uses to wet the scarf he wears before using magic. Why does he do that? Wet the scarf, I mean! Safety or is it some kind of good luck charm  or superstition? In any case, an explanation would be nice!

Familiar

Name: Gar

Species: Ximax Cat

Gender: Female

Age: 4

Appearance: Fortunately for both cat and owner, Gar is short haired and has the two-toned colouration that experts refer to as chandler’s, with white fur on the feet, underbelly and some of the face, while the body legs and most of the head are coloured orange. Like all Ximax Cats Gar has violet coloured eyes, which tend to be very expressive. Gar stands about a fore and a bit tall, and two and a half fores from nose to tail.

Personality: Gar is a wily animal, and enjoys figuring out ways to confound and belittle her master. Highly intelligent, Gar has been known to plan far enough in advance to prepare to jump down on Sývaein from on top of a box he would be carrying, causing him to have to drop the box on the ground, or else on his foot. Sývaein has yet to figure out exactly why Gar enjoys tormenting him so much, but expects that it is a female thing. Gar enjoys travelling with Sývaein, despite what actions may indicate and the two have something of a rapport, when one is not trying to do the other in. While she cannot be called malevolent or even cruel, it is easy enough to see that Gar does not have a “conventional” sense of humour.

All in all an enjoyable read, Sývaein. I'll get Kalina or someone to go through the magic bit for you to see that it is fine.

Edit: I've spoken with Kalina about the read/write bit, and she said it doesn't need to be spelled out for mages, that it is just assumed that they have it. So, I've taken out the comments I made with regards to that.

[Sývaein Sorossa]

In accordance with the laws and regulations- oh never mind. Edits are in red.

[Aélona Kaliár]

Hey Syvaein! Welcome to Santharia, it's great to meet another mage!

I'm thinking your CD looks pretty good, but I just thought I'd mention that we like a little bit more description in the magic section. Rather than just saying spells you can do, try to describe what alterations he makes to the car'all and positioning of the ounia within it to bring about the changes. Since you are Sphere I, you will be influencing the properties of Fire to make the effect. (Light, Heat, Passion, etc.)

This will help you get to really know your stuff with magic, and also help you a lot when you RP. If you know "how" the spells work instead of just spells on the site, you really can do *anything* with magic (as long as you can justify it with properties, ounia position etc.) In this way, a level 3 mage played by a great RPer, could easily beat an archmage, who was merely using spells of the site.

And I've provided some links below to help you. The examples I give all have great magic sections, and there is a link to my CD as well. It's still in progress, but the magic section is complete. Making a mage will take a bit of research, and might be a little tough, but for me it's incredibly rewarding. And, of course, feel free to ask any questions!

Useful Magic Info
Simple Magic Guide
Elemental Properties
Rayne's Explanation of Ounia
Car'all entry

Example CD's
Laoise - Nice and simple fire mage
Dorrugh - Well-written water/ice mage
Twen - Fire Mage/Necromancer and one of my personal favorite CD's

Good Luck on your CD!
~Eleyr(:

[Sývaein Sorossa]

As requested, the changes to the magic section are in Gold

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

What level are you?

[Sývaein Sorossa]

I think it's mentioned in there, but two, for the sake of answering the question.

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

I encourage you to mention at the top of your CD that you are a Level 2 Mage. Easy access for the Moderators to sea instead of reaching to the Magic section to try and find it.

[Deklitch Hardin]

Hi again Mr Singehands ... I'm on a bit of a roll tonight, so a second look at this by me. Hmm ... let's do comments in lime green this time!

Name
Sývaein Sorossa (Full Sývaein Singehands of the House Sorrossa)

Gender
Male

Age
20

Race
Human

Tribe
Epheronian

Occupation
Aspiring Sparkworker/ Level 2 Mage

Title
Scintillating Firestarter

Any chance you could take out one of these two linebreaks here?
Overview
While both of his younger siblings took to more mundane pursuits, Sývaein Sorossa  took to the academic world of magic as a fish does to water, or a kuatu to a tree. His forceful personality and penchant for fire magic make him a formidable personality to deal with.

Appearance

Height
1 Ped, 2 Fores, 3 Nailsbreadths,

Weight
1 pygge, 1 heb, 6 ods
  
Hair Colour
Dark brown

Eye Colour
Hazel

Physical Appearance
Sývaein wears his brown hair rather short all around, a necessary measure when dealing with fire in his experience. In spite of this, he has grown a beard that extends down the sides of his face and terminates in a square chin.

Sývaein is solidly built, if a little light and tending towards shortness. He is however, tending to flab in some places from lack of exercise. Sývaein is shorter than is average, which he makes up for in sheer force of personality.

His fingers, hands and forearms have some rather prominent burn scars on them, the result of a rise flame spell and a poorly positioned sleeve among other things.  The unfortunate result was that Sývaein now shaves his forearms to avoid such an accident in the future. Just a thought, but would you mention that this is the cause of his nickname here?

Clothing
As a result of the aforementioned incident, much of Sývaein’s wardrobe is less billowy than that associated with the stereotypical mage. The clothing is brown (reagents from fire spells tend to be messy) and while the sleeves of his robes still have some slack, Sývaein has devised a somewhat complex systems of loops and ties that enable him to secure these sections of his clothing so that it won’t inadvertently catch on fire. Again.

The interesting section of Sývaein’s robes is actually the legs. While there is no tie system in place, Syvaein's voluminous robes are not connected to the section worn on the torso, rather, they are held up by a belt of braided rope. These robes have holes along the sides, similar to those used for pockets.
 
Sývaein’s allowance for pants enables him to store his reagents and other important bits and bobs in pockets along the sides of the pants and hanging in pouches from loops at the waist of these pants. Sývaein can therefore reach through the robes and grab his reagents while still maintaining the appearance of a cultured and knowledgeable mage.  

Very important to Sývaein is the white scarf he wears while performing. This is embroidered with a flame inside a starburst, both in red. The same shades of red, or different ones? I'd like to draw your attention to the wide array of Santharian colours we have available for use in CDs! In any case, which is a lighter red and which is a darker red?
  
Personality
Sývaein simply bursts with the desire to convey knowledge. His overwhelming desire to prove that he is, above all else, right is obvious in his manner of speech, despite his unfortunate ailment. Sývaein also conveys a distinct concept of "knowing what he is doing" even if he doesn't. The quality (supposedly related to an aura of confidence) was taught to him at a rather young age by his father, in preparation for matters political, and young Sývaein never figured out how to stop looking like he knew what he was doing. Sývaein is also very fond of his cat, despite the equally unfortunate fact that this wonderful animal tends to trigger attacks of strangling disease. Sývaein and Gar get along like a doch nut and its shell, or a meldrapple and its tree. Syvaein is also rather partial to poetry and enjoys verse, whether plain or ornamented, whenever possible.

Strengths and Weaknesses:

Strengths

Sývaein has a great force of personality, despite his affliction. While occasionally his breathless way of speaking does negate this particular facet, his overall manner conveys a sense of purpose and overall an idea of “knowing what he is about”.

Sývaein has attained the second level of learning in magic, and may exercise his control over the element of fire through the first sphere of magic.

Sývaein is the happy companion of a Ximaxian Cat, who he calls Gar. Gar is, like all Ximaxian cats, rather intelligent and capable of communicating with her master telepathically to a limited extent.
Once again, if you could remove one of these two line spaces, it would be good.

Weaknesses

Sývaein suffers from a moderate case of strangling disease, unfortunate since the smoke and ash from his performances and spell casting tend towards setting off attacks of his illness. Sývaein wears a moist cloth over his mouth and nose when casting if he can, but despite his best measures, he often suffers from two or three attacks in a week, which may leave him breathless for a few moments and hacking and wheezing are not uncommon. This has also hindered Sývaein’s ability to learn to cast spells, since formulas for some spells are too long for him to complete without losing concentration.

Sývaein often falls into the trap of thinking that he is always right, by virtue of being smarter than everyone else. The fact is, he has a tendency to connect the right dots in the wrong way, or the wrong dots in the right way and come to a conclusion slightly removed to what the actual right answer might be.

Sývaein’s cat, the wonderful Gar, tends to enjoy jumping on her master and generally making his life worse when it comes to triggering attacks of strangling disease. Despite being a very intelligent animal, Gar enjoys tormenting Sývaein a little bit too much for either of their own good.

Magic
While not an especially gifted mage, Sývaein has learned enough to have attained the second level of spell casting. His specialty is “Sparkling Stream” spell, with generous applications of “Light” and the ever fundamental “Rise Flame” which he uses to keep himself clear of the smoke from fires and torches. Sývaein excels, when not afflicted by the results, with the manipulation of the physical properties of ounia; the so called field of "Pyrification". In spite of this, the manipulation of the spiritual properties of his element illude him at every turn, and require a great deal of focus on his part to perform even the simplest adjustments within Sphere 1. Sývaein can manage a barely passable manipulation of the spiritual elements of fire and only under the strictest of circumstances which are rarely attained, given his "choice" of company. When compared to his peers, Sývaein consistently fails to demonstrate a similar level of aptitude without a great deal of concentration. Unfortunately, Sývaein's concentration is easily destroyed by his affliction, which tends to cause his spells to fizzle.
Once again, there are two line spaces here.

History
Sývaein Sorossa was cut out to be the master of the family. Two years older than his younger brother, and three years older than his youngest brother, Sývaein was groomed to take over the affairs of his father, a noble of some small import. While he was apt at the task of politics, Syvaen’s true skills lay in scholarship. Particularly magic. Once he was satisfied that his heir was prepared should he die in the foreseeable future, the Old Master Sorossa was content to see his son develop to a position of further power, as a mage.

Sývaein however was not particularly “cut out” for magic. While it had not manifested in the northern reaches of Nermeran where only the hardiest plants grew without careful tending, the bustling city of Ximax, and the academy with its reagents and dust and people triggered a heretofore unknown case of strangling disease: an unfortunate ailment that Sývaein had managed to inherit from his father. Smoke, flying powder and dusty tomes did little but aggravate the symptoms of his disease. His constant wheezing and coughing, which in turn hindered his spell-casting, lead to the unfortunate nickname of “Hack” among fellow students.

Sývaein’s studies were interrupted by the death of his father, now the “late Master Sorossa”. Uninclined to do anything with his newly inherited responsibilities, Sývaein passed his role on to his younger brother, the merchant Normeros, so that he might continue with his studies.

Sývaein’s studies improved markedly following the death of his father. Some attributed it to avoiding mourning or misplaced grief, while others simply thought him changed by the experience. The fact of the matter was that Sývaein no longer had to worry about such petty things as “duty” and had thrown himself into his studies. It was then that the unfortunate incident that earned him his newer nickname, “Singehands” as well as his newer dress habits occurred.

Sývaein, practicing a simple “Flame Control” spell, had his sleeve catch on fire when a wandering cat decided to pounce on him. The surprise, combined with the unfortunate onset of a fit of coughing, caused Sývaein to sweep his sleeve over the candle he was working with. The sleeve caught fire, and dusted with various reagents as it was from the day’s work, combusted quite magnificently before Sývaein could tear it off and stomp it out, which accidentally set fire to the other sleeve, which was also torn off. The cat, oblivious to the mayhem it had caused, settled in with Sývaein.

Gar, as the cat came to be called, seemed to view a source of great amusement in Sývaein’s coughing fits much to Sývaein’s dismay. His new companion (pet would not be the right word for such a creature) would apparently spend her days in contemplation of rather elaborate plans to induce such fits, or embarrass him, in hopes of recreating the first incident, or something like it.

Sývaein soon discovered that his specialty lay not in the manipulation of candles and other flames, but in the marvel of the “Sparkling Stream”. True masters of the spell were known to command great audiences, even royalty in the case of great “Sparkworkers”. Though his studies were incomplete, Sývaein desired to test his skill, and set to travelling the land. Unfortunately, the cat decided to follow him.
Once again, please remove one of these line spaces.

Weapons
While unable to hit a tree in the middle of a forest with such a device, Sývaein owns a simple sling, which he uses to launch his powders higher in order to produce a better show.

Belongings
Sývaein carries a rather wide variety of magical reagents and focuses for his spells, having a use for all sorts of powders for his displays, as well as a small book with various notes on how to produce certain effects, colourations, sizes and similar details that make the presentations all the same. Sývaein also carries a flask of water with him, which he uses to wet the scarf he wears before using magic. This, combined with a slight use of magic alleviates some of the symptoms of his strangling disease by bringing the water to a near boil before applying it to the cloth.

Familiar

Name: Gar

Species: Ximax Cat

Gender: Female

Age: 4

Appearance: Fortunately for both cat and owner, Gar is short haired and has the two-toned colouration that experts refer to as chandler’s, with white fur on the feet, underbelly and some of the face, while the body legs and most of the head are coloured orange. Like all Ximax Cats Gar has violet coloured eyes, which tend to be very expressive. Gar stands about a fore and a bit tall, and two and a half fores from nose to tail.

Personality: Gar is a wily animal, and enjoys figuring out ways to confound and belittle her master. Highly intelligent, Gar has been known to plan far enough in advance to prepare to jump down on Sývaein from on top of a box he would be carrying, causing him to have to drop the box on the ground, or else on his foot. Sývaein has yet to figure out exactly why Gar enjoys tormenting him so much, but expects that it is a female thing. Gar enjoys travelling with Sývaein, despite what actions may indicate and the two have something of a rapport, when one is not trying to do the other in. While she cannot be called malevolent or even cruel, it is easy enough to see that Gar does not have a “conventional” sense of humour. Like her master, Gar enjoys poetry. It has been the only thing to stop the cat in mid-assault and rather unfortunate things tend to happen to people who interupt Gar's enjoyment of poetry.

Thanks for addressing the comments raised in my previous review of your CD, Mr Singehands. I am happy to give you a first approval, as the suggestions I made in this review were really really minor and nitpicky. I will get a magic expert to look over it for you.

EDIT: Just to make certain that everyone understands, I wasn't really being serious about my comment about the use of Santharian colours in my comments above ... it is a kind of long running ... 'discussion' between Mr Singehands and myself. Of course, Mr Singehands is normally as one of his alter egos when we are having said 'discussion'. I do think, however, that identifying which of the two shapes are a darker shade of red, and which is a lighter shade of red would be good.

Dek

[Kalína Dalá'isyrás]

While not an especially gifted mage, Sývaein has learned enough to have attained the second level of spell casting. His specialty is the “Sparkling Stream” spell, with generous applications of “Light” and the ever fundamental “Rise Flame”<comma> which he uses to keep himself clear of the smoke from fires and torches. Sývaein excels, when not afflicted by the results, with the manipulation of the physical properties of ounia; the so called field of "Pyrification". In spite of this, the manipulation of the spiritual properties of his element allude him at every turn, and require a great deal of focus on his part to perform even the simplest adjustments within Sphere 1. Sývaein can manage a barely passable manipulation of the spiritual elements of fire and only under the strictest of circumstances<comma> which are rarely attained, <no comma> given his "choice" of company. When compared to his peers, Sývaein consistently fails to demonstrate a similar level of aptitude without a great deal of concentration. Unfortunately, Sývaein's concentration is easily destroyed by his affliction, which tends to cause his spells to fizzle.

Despite some grammatical errors, it looks ok to me. I know you can do better, but it is passable

With grammar in mind, you may wish to go through and do a thorough spell check and double check your commas.

[Sývaein Sorossa]

Always the commas! (I might eventually have to remove that key entirely  )
Eh, when it comes to magic, I'll take what I can get. Will do!

[Jenna Silverbirch]

An interesting character, Sývaein. I particularly like that cat
Wish I could be more helpful, but I'm no magic expert 
Did you change the posticon to first approval received(the green plus symbol)? Or did a moderator approve it without posting? Just wondering 

[Deklitch Hardin]

It was actually me who changed it to first approval received, Jenna, and I thought I had posted that I was doing so ... I just didn't make it stand out too well. I know Mr Singehands wouldn't want to bring my firey wrath down on his head by doing something like that himself.

- Dek

[Jenna Silverbirch]

Ah, I see. Thanks for clearing that up Dek Just wanted to be sure there hadn't been some mistake.
Anyway, congrats on the approval! Sývaein will be an interesting character to have in a story.

[Cyradin Lawabel]

I just noticed something ... your subject line should read Name - Tribe - Occupation, not Name - Occupation - Tribe ... that needs to be fixed up.

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