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Author Topic: Tervild Jorek.:Avennorian:.Actor  (Read 4525 times)
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Tervild Jorek
Serene Actor
Approved Character
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Gender: Male
Posts: 57


Human, Avennorian


« on: July 18, 2009, 06:29:41 AM »

.:Name:.: Tervild Jorek
.:Gender:.: Male
.:Age:.: 23
.:Race:.: Human
.:Tribe:.: Avennorian
.:Occupation:.: Level III Water Mage/Actor
.:Title:.: Serene Actor

.:Appearance:.
.:Height:.: 1 Ped, 2 Fores
.:Weight:.: 1 Pygge, 4 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Mut

.:Hair Color:.: Nor'sidian
.:Eye Color:.: Green

.:Physical Description:.

At the age of twenty three, this aspiring actor is still growing into an adult. Standing at an easy ped and two fores, he appears almost child like compared to other young adults of his age. His forest green eyes, filled with a confident and dark emotion, gaze calmly out of his smooth face. Soft lips of a pale pink shade are constantly held in a confident smirk that many find both charming, but arrogant. A sharp nose and chin are the only parts of his face that appear to be in focus, as the rest of his profile appears to be smooth and soft. Elegantly curved ears are covered by a tastefully worn hair style that lets his bangs hang into his left eye, throwing the left side of his face into slight shadow.

Smooth skin of a near transparent white give the actor a slightly incorporeal figure when in the spot light. At first glance, he appears to be exceptionally ethereal, and his fluid movements only amplify his surreal appearance. When out of the spot light, his skin has an aura of health and youth about it, and some claim that he has his own light that he carries of the stage. A dense crop of black hair has a glossy and clean look to it, and is exceptionally soft to the touch. Rarely does the young man ever move his hair out of his face with his hands, instead he tends to flick his head to momentarily get them out of his eyes. His delicate hands are possessed of lightly calloused knuckles and elegant fingers possessed of a natural curve. With his pearly white teeth, translucent skin, and shiny black hair, none can claim that he doesn't look the part off a well of actor.

.:Clothing:.

A black tunic that strongly resembles a suit clings tightly to his upper frame, and fits closely around the soft curve of his shoulders and chest. Small, silver buttons run down the front of the tunic, and when buttoned comes up to his collar. Each button is shaped like a small coin and engraved with a black star upon it's surface. Beneath his tunic, he wears a clean and pressed violet dress shirt. In place of the collar, and cuffs, frills are an abundant part of the cloth, and hang like strands of the finest of a spider's web. When dressed, he tends to leave the first two buttons of the tunic down, and lets the frills hang over the collar of the suit. To match his tunic, he wears a pair of black dress pants. The pants fit perfectly, and rest easy along his waistline with a single black button to hold them up. Hard black shoes gleam from upon his petite feet, and are as cleanly polished as his silver buttons. A single silver bracelet, engraved with the phrase "Water is Life" in black, sits upon the wrist of his right hand.

At more formal occasions, he tends to wear a pristine three piece suit of spilk. The sharp black coloration of the cloth contrasts heavily with the violet of his dress shirt, and the whiteness of his skin. The first piece, the trousers, are made of the same material as the suit itself and are a plain black in colour. The second piece, the jacket, is single breasted and has two buttons, with the centre button lining up closely with his natural waistline. The lapel of the jacket is notched, with the lapels sewn into the collar to provide a step effect. A single inner pocket, and two more conventional jetted pockets, gives the jacket a more formal appearance. The sleeves are carefully tailored to fit cleanly with his lithe frame, and the cuffs are adorned with four silver buttons along their lengths. The third and final piece is the waistcoat, or vest, that he wears beneath his suit but over his dress shirt. The waist coat is adorned with silver buttons along it's front, and has various floral patterns across it's front in silver. The same black shoes that he wears on a daily basis, are worn also worn at formal occasions, albeit with a great deal more polishing than usual.

.:Personality:.

Tervild radiates confidence like the heat from a furnace, and his voice is like rough velvet on the ears of those that have heard him speak, and act. Possessed of a good wit, and sarcasm he can be both annoying and charming in equal measure. A very serious individual, he tends to be very direct and straight forward in a conversation and always says what is on his mind. However, this does not mean that he is in any way insensitive towards others; on the contrary, he is possessed of a strong sense of diplomacy whenever he opens his mouth. As an actor, he has no qualms when on stage, and is very sociable when off stage. His charming and narcissistic personality only help to amplify his confidence, and at times he can come off as rude, obnoxious, flirtatious, or overly conscientious.

Although possessed of an intellectual and analytical mindset, this young man rarely shows his intellectual side to anyone. Acting as a carefree and outspoken individual, he keeps his sharp mind hidden behind a very social facade. His love for magic and the social relations of various nobility are kept under wraps as he rarely asks questions directly. To him, the obtaining of the goal isn't as important as the journey made to reach the key idea or answer to a question. Though he may appear oblivious to his surroundings, he is always listening to increase his own understanding of society and magic. Relatively new to high society, he is constantly trying to garner the favour and attention of high ranking noble lords, and ladies. Despite his intelligence, he is known to be extremely lazy towards topics that do not interest him. Many a time he has left things incomplete, or if completed, without an in-depth understanding of what he has done.

By appearance he may seem a care free individual, but when roused this aspiring actor's tongue is as sharp as any sword. Like the ocean, Tervild's personality can change at a moments notice. At these times he becomes assertive, outspoken, and virtually fearless. His low voice, like rough velvet when he is calm, turns into the sound of oil moving over ice. During these times he loses control of his emotions, and while furious may even start to cry out of sheer frustration. Needless to say, he can become easily worked up over the smallest things, but manages to keep a level head most of the time.

Among friends, family, and peers he can come across as both sarcastic, arrogant, hot-tempered, and strangely docile when he wants to be. Possessed of an estrange sense of humor, he generally avoid making jokes whenever possible. Both on and off stage, he has a strong love for the theatrics and often over emphasizes or quotes lines from various plays and poems to keep those around him entertained. Around beautiful women his age, he becomes overly charming, and very flirtatious when he takes it upon himself. He can, in equal measure, be both ignorant, and over conscientious of her in the bat of an eyelash. While many find him to be irritable company, many actually enjoy his strange personality and mood swings.

.:Strengths:.

.:Acting:.: In part due to his natural talent, and self-confidence, this actor has a affinity for his line of work. His strive for excellence and supremacy in acting drive him to become a still better actor. In its own way acting is his way of earning, and achieving renown throughout the known world. Capable of easily acting the part in any kind of play, Tervild has a natural comfort zone on stage and in front of a large crowd. Using his good looks, and charming wit to stun the audiences and critics, acting is the niche that he naturally fits into.

.:Water Magic:.: An accomplished Level III Water Mage, this wizard turned actor is not in the least out of practice in his spell work. By moving about the water in the car'all he is able to calm his own nerves as well of those around him when going out on stage. With his chaotic nature his mastery of water is a great deal higher than that of a more well controlled water mages of the same level. Capable of taking on the qualities of water for a moment, Tervild can become flexible in the extreme, and immune to most non magical attacks. Needless to say, his understanding of water magic allows him a vast assortment of possibilities that would not readily be available to other actors.

.:Dexterous:.: From knots to bodices, nothing can escape the quick fingers of this charming gentleman. Possessed of a natural dexterity, the mage is capable of perceiving something with his eyes, and having the small muscles of his fingers work at a blinding speed on any task at hand. His fine motor skills are such that, should it ever happen, he can easily undo knots, ties, bodices, and clasps with an incredible amount of dexterity.

.:Agile:.: In a strictly business sense, Tervild's fluid personality allows him to easily, and quickly adapt to any situation. His mind moves quickly in times of peril or business, and at times he finds that his mind is already several steps of his tongue. This ability to think on his feet, and act on his intuition has allowed him to overcome many business, and magic related adversities. His agile mind is of course a strong part of his intellect, and as such he is not only able to think quickly, but comprehend his thoughts and those of others within a matter of moments. This is also helpful in his dealings with those of the other sex, as many ladies can easily take what he says the wrong way. Through his agile mind he is able to carry out plans and projects with relative ease.

.:Charisma:.: As part of his striking personality, the mage is exceptionally charismatic towards most nobles and ladies of all sorts. With his good looks, care for hygiene, and narcissistic attitude, Tervild is more comfortable around women than men. When in the company of others he is usually accompanied by a youthful and good looking protege who is always clinging to his arm. His charisma usually takes the form of a story, or some form of gossip mongering that he may have overheard. On those rare occasions where he meets a mage, or someone interested in magic he can talk for a great length of time about it's subtle intricacies and possibilities. Amongst actors, actresses, family members, and friends he becomes overly theatric and whimsical, and has the habit of quoting poetry, songs, or plays when he speaks.

.:Literate:.: Born to a hard working merchant, this actor has learned how to read and write albeit with some difficulty. Having never seen the point in reading and writing, he refrained from learning until taught by his brother. Capable of reading and writing with relative ease, he has a firm grip on how to spell, and a large vocabulary. Fashioning himself as a kind of noble when he acts, his writing is usually very curled and lady like in appearance. He is able to easily read and comprehend properly without the need for any kind of visual aid or otherwise.

.:Weaknesses:.

.:Narcissistic:.: Obsessed is putting things mildly when looking at Tervild's overly conscientious personality. By making a habit of looking at himself in glasses, the eyes of beautiful women, mirrors, cutlery, water, and anything else that can hold a clear image, he ensures that not a single hair is out of place. The majority of people who observe, or bear witness to his estranged habit often believe him to be incredibly mad. The ladies whose eyes he uses as miniature mirrors end up striking him across the face or tearing up in appreciation of his good looks. Needless to say, his narcissistic attitude has gotten him into several fixes with various women, and critics.

.:Anger Management:.: When angry or upset, nothing can stop this agile actor from turning his smooth tongue, into a sword designed for verbal abuse. Several critics have said that Tervild's anger is something both beautiful and terrifying. Beautiful because even upset his good looks are something that can simply not be ignored. Terrifying because nothing will stop him from provoking a fight, and trying to use magic or his fists to solve a problem. On these rare cases, he loses his cool and calm composure completely and a snarl usually mars the perfection of his face. This proves to be particularly destructive when in the company of rich nobles, merchants, and others of high rank in society.

.:Size:.: His small stature is something that constantly bothers Tervild as many older women, and several other women his own age easily mistake him for someone a great deal younger. As an accomplished actor, and a smooth talking gentleman, his size is a constant reminder that he is not completely perfect. Due to his small size he can easily move about in a large crowd with relative ease, and is unlikely to be recognized by fans and journalists when walking amongst peasants. By pursuing excellence in his occupation, Tervild seeks to become a well known and renowned actor across the continent. His small size also makes getting attention exceptionally difficult for the young actor, and to be ignored by the tall people around him is something he simply cannot tolerate.

.:Gossip Monger:.: Unlike a gentleman, this actor has the nasty habit of gossiping behind the backs of people. Both literally and figuratively speaking, Tervild has no hesitation when it comes to passing on a juicy tidbit, or piece of information that may or may not be entirely true. This terrible habit has earned him more than a few enemies, and more often then note he can be found knee deep in threatening letters, or angry messages. More often then not, there is a powerful combination of the two. Despite this however Tervild simply shrugs off such "negative" behaviour, and does his best to not let such things bother him. On rare occasion does someone do something about his gossip mongering, but most realize that he is probably lying in part due to his personality. As such his gossiping has never resulted in the ruining of someone's career in show business, but he always runs the risk whenever he whispers a dirty secret about someone.

.:Lazy:.: If a topic fails to catch his interest, the nasty habit of ignoring, or doing things in a half assed way are things that can not be avoided. Though Tervild's mind is relatively sharp, if he has no clear interest in something, he is unable to provide his full attention on a subject. At times this leaves his understanding of a particular subject incomplete, or half done. This is particular noticeable in his inability to do mathematics properly, and his disregard for household chores. His laziness also extends into his work at times, and he usually refuses to participate in plays that he finds droll or overly taxing on his abilities.

.:Magic:.

Vaguely powerful for a III Level Water Mage, his abilities are nothing to scoff at, but what he does with his abilities is something that other mages would probably find weird. The twelve year old Tervild Jorek was taken to Ximax where he eventually grew into his powers, but shortly after he left to become an actor. However, after becoming an actor, he continued practicing magic both on and off stage. By enhancing all of the properties of the element water slightly in the car'all of air, he is able to create mist like effects without the need to be near warm water. Often this allows him to generate a mysterious atmosphere, as he suspends minute particles of water in the air. Ghosts, phantasms, and illusions are also capable of being created in this way. Though at best these "illusions" are very vague and appear more blob like than human, this adds a stronger sense of realism to the play. By enhancing the property of coldness, he can then make these blobs appear more solid adding to air of mystique and wonder.

By manipulating the Water ounia in his own car'all, he is able to create the same illusory effect with the air around his body to a certain degree. Though he is not directly affected by this, the fringes of his outline do seem to become slightly whispy, and his already ethereal appearance becomes all the more prominent. The contours of his sharp nose and chin also become softened and complete his soft and smooth facial appearance. With enough concentration and focus, he is able to create this effect not only with his outline but with his entire body. Though he remains untouched, and unchanged to the audience he appears wavery and delicate. This effect lasts but a moment, but is usually more than enough to draw a few surprised gasps from audience members.

True to the Element Water, the mage's personality is some strange, and verges on chaotic. Usually this would allow access to spells of far greater strength, but after having dropped out of Ximax, Tervild's education remained incomplete. Violence is something that Tervild abhors, unless of course he is the one starting the fight. Rarely does he ever use offensive spells against anyone, but his habit of gossiping only makes it more likely that someone will, eventually, strike out at him. Instead, he focuses more on defensive spells that can befuddle the mind, or freeze the very air around him to create a shield of protection. By subtly increasing the dominance of the water of the car'all he can increase the anxiety, or confusion that a person feels however small it may be. He is also capable of doing the reverse and though he cannot completely free a person of their emotional stress he can at least make them feel more comfortable by decreasing the dominance of the water of the car'all.

All the magic that he uses is simply for the benefit of the troop that he is working for. The ability to make things cold by increasing the frigid property of water is key in creating a cool and crisp atmosphere. Needless to say, many of plays that Tervild acts in usually require his magical talents for effect. As a kind of parlor trick he enjoys making water leap from one glass to another while certain estranged nobles look on. Tervild is able to move around a glass sized glob of water within the radius of a ped. Rarely does he ever find the need to move around water in a larger quantity.

Though he does carry several aquamarines, rarely does he ever use a reagent when casting spells unless absolutely necessary. At times when his knowledge of spells runs dry, he has the habit of changing a spell to suit his purposes. A good example of this is when he freezes water in a particularly small area to make ice for his drink. When being attacked, Tervild is able to cast an icy shield about himself with in five seconds or less if he uses a reagent. The ability to do water magic has been a great asset to Tervild's career, and has been the cause for a vast majority of his success.

.:History:.

Tervild was born the second son of a prominent merchant and former actress in Marcogg. Nothing particularly auspicious marked the day, and there was nothing spectacular about the birth of their middle child. Verg Jorek was the sole owner of a large fishing, and whaling company, and was almost always away from home. Hence, the care of the boys was left to their mother, Ananra Jorek, who had quit acting to become a house wife. They lived in a large family estate that was funded by the large fishing operations their father had running along the coast. Ulf, Tervild, and Friss Jorek were collectively known as the Oceanic Triplets among friends and family. So alike were the three in behaviour that many claimed they were like extensions of one another.

The lack of a father figure meant that Ulf was the man of the house despite his young age. Five years Tervild's senior, he was constantly trying to become both physically and mentally stronger, and served as the role model for his younger siblings. Friss Jorek was born blind, but it had never stopped him from behaving as if he could see like any other boy. The three were constantly backing each other, and protecting one another whenever they ran into trouble around the house. At the age of twelve Ulf would go off to the Academy at Ximax to learn water magic as he would find out that he had an incredible affinity for it, before returning to handle matters of state. It was in their young age that the siblings learned how to read and write properly from their mother.

After Ulf had left for Ximax, the other two boys spent the majority of their time in the company of their mother. Without Ulf, Tervild took his role of elder brother more seriously, and would rarely let Friss out of his sight. During the mornings the two would practice their reading and writing, and in the evenings their mother would tell them stories about her life as an actress. It was during this time that Tervild became obsessed with acting, and begged his mother to teach him. He learned about plays, and poetry from the loving hands of his mother, and would often act out various scenes when the mood was upon him. Being the eldest son, Ulf would inherit the family business, and so Tervild decided to follow a career in acting. Upon hearing of his son's ambition Verg tried to dissuade his son when he returned home, but Tervild remained firm in his decision. It was then that his father asked him to attend the Ximax Academy to learn magic, and when asked why simply said that it was a contingency plan.

Five years after his brother had gone to Ximax, Tervild made his way to the Magical Academy to learn the arts of wizardry. Marveling at the wonders of the Outer City, Tervild was surprised to find the ancient Inner City collecting dust throughout the ages. It was while traveling to the city of Ximax that Tervild managed to overcome his home sickness, and learned to enjoy life without boundaries. It was in the Inner City that he caught his first glimpse of magic at Valgure's Magical Emporium. Several older Water Magi had decided to pull a prank, and soaked one of their friends by dropping a ball of water over his head as he was leaving the Emporium. From that day on, a new, and strange curiosity was lit in him as he walked through the Tower of the Guard into his new life of magic.

A long decade was spent at the Academy, memorizing formulas, practicing magical incantations, and learning about the manipulation of car'all. Selected by the Magi of the Tower of the Sea, he was shortly reacquainted with his older brother who had managed to accomplish the first two levels of water magic over the last five years. It was with a great deal of help from the professors that the next ten years of Tervild's life were going to be those of hard study, and constant work. During his first few weeks Tervild informed his brother of all the going ons back at home, and how he had decided to be an actor. When asked, Ulf simply said that if that was what he wanted to do, then he should do it.

The memorization of formulas, and spells started with a long and arduous explanation pertaining to the car'all, and ounia. Days were spent in the attempt to grasp the theory of car'all and how it could be used to create magical effects. Eventually he was able to successfully wrap his head around the idea of the car'all, and was able to learn how to produce effects by the manipulation of ounia. Learning the mechanics of how to move about a glob of water freely, and then putting it in to practice was something else entirely. The necessary control, and study took several long years for him to finally complete, and it was two years after his initiation that Friss Jorek entered the Tower of the Sea for his studies.

The three brothers spent a great deal of their free time together when they weren't studying or preparing for classes. Often they had no time to spend with each other, but they were always on the lookout for one another. During their time at the Academy the boys associated with all sorts of people of all genders, races, and backgrounds. The near decade that Tervild spent learning in those hallowed halls was not only the study of magic, but of people. As a soon to be actor he often did small skits and plays for his friends, and was talked about a great deal in both positive and negative lighting. It was when Ulf had started his first year as a V Level Water Mage, Tervild had finished his study of the Sphere of Change, and Friss was in the middle of his third year when the three returned home for the first time since their arrival.

As a loving mother, Ananra often sent the boys letters, and small treats from home. Not wanting to interfere with their studies, she never asked them to come back to their small house. It was when she began feeling ill that she asked for her boys to return home, as she said she could feel that her time was coming. Having been struck by the strangling disease, she was bed ridden from all the haranguing the disease caused her. The three brothers arrived in time to hear their mother's final will before she was taken by Queprur. Ulf left Ximax, and became the Head of their family's fishing and whaling company, while Friss being the youngest remained at the Academy to learn the Arts of Water Magic to it's fullest. Lastly she told Tervild to follow his dreams, and whispered to him that he was always her favourite.

Two days later a funeral was held for her, and the boys, amidst a great deal of sobbing, promised to meet up again in the near future. Several weeks later, Friss had returned to his classes while Tervild had signed forms releasing Ulf, and himself from the Academy. Saying his final good bye to his brother Tervild left the Academy for the last time, and began travelling the continent. Finding work as an actor was nigh impossible for the young man, and it was by a stroke of luck that he came across the Nightshade Carnival. Though he followed the Carnival around for several years, watching the performances, and trying to sway the twins, Lazardian and Nightsahde, he was unsuccessful in finding a job with them. It was then that he began to do street performances using magic to create images and illusions that seemed to draw the eye.

In taverns he would often quote poetry for the waitresses, and put on acts while storytelling for the gents. Often he could be found jumping about the common room with an atrocious hat on his head, and a wooden sword in his hand. Though his acting seemed comical at first sight, if watched long enough, several bystanders often claimed that he may as well have been some sea faring magician. It was during his street performances, and tavern acts that he first came upon the Black Butterfly Rovers. After talking to several of their members Tervild attempted to join the actors of the troop, however he was once more refused. It was when he offered his services for free that the Rovers decided to take him on.

For a full year he travelled with the Rovers after leaving the Academy of Ximax, and it wasn't long before his magical abilities were discovered by the Rovers. Being able to do water magic, Tervild practiced on a daily basis, and it wasn't long before he became part of the Rover's stage crew. By employing magic he was able to create visual effects that would not readily be available to anyone else. Mist, illusions, apparitions, and floating water are just a few of the many visuals that he provided to stun the audiences he encountered. It was after that first year of hard work that the Rovers suggested inaugurating him, but he refused saying that he was going to start his own acting troop.

On instinct he began to travel looking for hidden talents across the whole of the continent. From time to time he sends messages to his brothers, though he rarely receives letters in reply as he is always moving about. As he travels he hopes to eventually start his own school, and is constantly trying to gain renown as he often performs on the streets and inns to make a living. To this day he is still looking for other entertainers capable of acting in the hopes of creating the best cast in the world.

.:Belongings:.
  • X3 Clothing
  • Wallet
  • Folded Napkins and Papers
  • X3 Undergarments
« Last Edit: August 21, 2009, 05:11:58 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

Tervild Jorek
Serene Actor
Approved Character
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Gender: Male
Posts: 57


Human, Avennorian


« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2009, 11:20:42 PM »

Just bumping this up as I am finally finished ladies and gentlemen! grin
Comments and Questions are welcomed so hit me with what you've got guys. Thanks!
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Deklitch Hardin
Truth Seeker
Approved Character
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Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1536


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2009, 06:58:59 AM »

Hi Tervild,

Greeting from me to Santharia. At first glance this looks like a well written CD. I'll go through and give it a thorough check for you now. Corrections in blue, suggestions/questions in yellow.

.:Name:.: Tervild Jorek
.:Gender:.: Male
.:Age:.: 23
.:Race:.: Human
.:Tribe:.: Avennorian
.:Occupation:.: Level III Water Mage/Actor
.:Title:.: Serene Actor

.:Appearance:.
.:Height:.: 1 Ped, 2 Fores (5'5")
.:Weight:.: 1 Pygge, 4 Hebs, 1 Hafeb, 1 Mut (160 lbs.)
Unless you use them as references for yourself when posting, the measurements in feet, inches and pounds aren't needed.

.:Hair Color:.: Nor'sidian
.:Eye Color:.: Green

.:Physical Description:.

At the age of twenty three, this aspiring actor is still growing into an adult. Standing at an easy ped and two fores, he appears almost child like compared to other young adults of his age. Eyes of a forest green are filled with a confident, but dark emotion that can not be described with mere words gaze calmly out of his smooth face. There is something that seems 'off' to me in this last sentence. I understand what you are saying, but it almost seems as though it is missing a comma or a word or something. Soft lips of a pale pink shade are constantly held in a confident smirk that many find both charming, but arrogant. A sharp nose and chin are the only parts of his face that appear to be in focus, as the rest of his profile appears to be smooth and soft. Elegantly curved ears are covered by a tastefully worn hair style that lets his bangs hang into his left eye, throwing the left side of his face into slight shadow.

Smooth skin of a near transparent white give the actor a slightly incorporeal figure when in the spot light. At first glance, he appears to be exceptionally ethereal, and his fluid movements only amplify his surreal appearance. When out of the spot light, his skin has an aura of health and youth about it, and some claim that he has his own light that he carries of the stage. A dense crop of black hair has a glossy and clean look to it, and is exceptionally soft to the touch. Rarely does the young man ever move his hair out of his face with his hands, instead he tends to flick his head to momentarily get them out of his eyes. His delicate hands are possessed of lightly calloused knuckles and elegant fingers possessed of a natural curve. With his pearly white teeth, translucent skin, and shiny black hair, none can claim that he doesn't look the part of a well of actor. I think that instead of spot light, you should lose the space and write it as spotlight. Other than that, I can't see too much here to comment on. I enjoy the way that you have written this.

.:Clothing:.

A black tunic that strongly resembles a suit clings tightly to his upper frame, and fits closely around the soft curve of his shoulders and chest. Small, silver buttons run down the front of the tunic, and when buttoned comes up to his collar. Each button is shaped like a small coin and engraved with a black star upon it's surface. Beneath his tunic, he wears a clean and pressed violet dress shirt. In place of the collar, and cuffs, frills are an abundant part of the cloth, and hang like strands of the finest of a spider's web. When dressed, he tends to leave the first two buttons of the tunic down, and let's That apostrophe isn't needed the frills hang over the collar of the suit. To match his tunic, he wears a pair of black dress pants. The pants fit perfectly, and rest easy along his waistline with a single black button to hold them up. Hard black shoes gleam from upon his petite feet, and are as cleanly polished as his silver buttons. A single silver bracelet, engraved with the phrase "Water is Life" in black, sits upon the wrist of his right hand.

At more formal occasions, he tends to wear a pristine three piece suit of spilk. The sharp black coloration of the cloth contrasts heavily with the violet of his dress shirt, and the whiteness of his skin. The first piece, the trousers, are made of the same material as the suit itself and are a plain black in colour. The second piece, the jacket, is single breasted and has two buttons, with the centre button lining up closely with his natural waistline. The lapel of the jacket is notched, with the lapels sewn into the collar to provide a step effect. A single inner pocket, and two more conventional jetted pockets, gives the jacket a more formal appearance. The sleeves are carefully tailored to fit cleanly with his lithe frame, and the cuffs are adorned with four silver buttons along their lengths. The third and final piece is the waistcoat, or vest, that he wears beneath his suit but over his dress shirt. The waist coat is adorned with silver buttons along it's front, and has various floral patterns across it's front in silver.

Not too much that I can see to comment on in your clothing section, once again, I'm enjoying the read. Actually ... I did notice one thing :D You don't seem to mention shoes in the second paragraph ... I presume that he's wearing the same shoes as in the first paragraph, but it might be an idea to mention that here as well.

.:Personality:.

Tervild radiates confidence like the heat from a furnace, and his voice is like rough velvet on the ears of those that have heard him speak, and act. Possessed of a good wit, and sarcasm he can be both annoying and charming in equal measure. A very serious individual, he tends to be very direct and straight forward in a conversation and always says what is on his mind. However, this does not mean that he is in any way insensitive towards others; on the contrary, he is possessed of a strong sense of diplomacy whenever he opens his mouth. As an actor, he has no qualms when on stage, and is very sociable when off stage. His charming and narcissistic personality only help to amplify his confidence, and at times he can come off as rude, obnoxious, flirtatious, or overly conscientious.

Although possessed of an intellectual and analytical mindset, this young man rarely shows his intellectual side to anyone. Acting as a carefree and outspoken individual, he keeps his sharp mind hidden behind a very social facade. His love for magic and the social relations of various nobility are kept under wraps as he rarely asks questions directly. To him, the obtaining of the goal isn't as important as the journey made to reach the key idea or answer to a question. Though he may appear oblivious to his surroundings, he is always listening to increase his own understanding of society and magic. Relatively new to high society, he is constantly trying to garner the favour and attention of high ranking noble lords, and ladies. Despite his intelligence, he is known to be extremely lazy towards topics that do not interest him. Many a time, he tends to leave things half done (In this sentence, that phrase seems not to fit exactly ... maybe 'he has left things undone' instead? also, I don't think those commas are needed., or completed without an in-depth understanding of what he has done.

By appearance he may seem a care free individual, but when roused this aspiring actor's tongue is as sharp as any sword. Like the ocean's tide can change at a moments notice, so too does Tervild's personality This last sentence seems a bit unwieldy to me. Maybe 'Like the ocean's tide, Tervild's personality can change at a moment's notice.?. At these times he becomes assertive, outspoken, and virtually fearless. His low voice, like rough velvet when he is calm, turns into the sound of oil moving over ice. During these times he loses control of his emotions, and while furious may even start to cry out of sheer frustration. Needless to say, he can become easily worked up over the smallest things, but manages to keep a level head most of the time.

Among friends, family, and peers he can come across as both sarcastic, arrogant, hot-tempered, and strangely docile when he wants to be. Possessed of an estrange sense of humor, he generally avoid making jokes whenever possible. Both on and off stage, he has a strong love for the theatrics and often over emphasizes or quotes lines from various plays and poems to keep those around him entertained. Around beautiful women his age, he becomes overly charming, and very flirtatious when he takes it upon himself. He can, in equal measure, be both ignorant, and over conscientious of her in the bat of an eyelash. While many find him to be irritable company, many actually enjoy his strange personality and mood swings.

Apart from a couple of small suggestions, I don't really have too much to say regarding your personality section.

.:Strengths:.

.:Acting:.: In part due to his natural talent, and self-confidence, this actor has a natural talent for his line of work. You are saying here that due to his natural talent he has a natural talent for acting. I think you probably should try to find a different word/phrase to use instead of that second natural talent. 'Affinity' is one word that springs to mind :D His strive for excellence and supremacy in acting drive him to become a still better actor. In it's the apostrophe isn't needed own way acting is his way of earning, and achieving renown throughout the known world. Capable of easily acting the part in any kind of play, Tervild has a natural comfort zone on stage and in front of a large crowd. Using his good looks, and charming wit to stun the audiences and critics, acting is the niche that he naturally fits into.

.:Water Magic:.: An accomplished Level III Water Mage, this wizard turned actor is not in the least out of practice in his spell work. By moving about the water in the car'all he is able to calm his own nerves as well of those around him when going out on stage. With his chaotic nature his mastery of water is a great deal higher than that of a more well controlled water mages of the same level. Capable of taking on the qualities of water for a moment, Tervild can become flexible in the extreme, and immune to most non magical attacks. Needless to say, his understanding of water magic allows him a vast assortment of possibilities that would not readily be available to other actors. I love the way you've been able to link the acting and water magic here, Tervild

.:Dexterous:.: From knots to bodices, nothing can escape the quick fingers of this charming gentleman. Possessed of a natural dexterity, the mage is capable of perceiving something with his eyes, and having the small muscles of his fingers work at a blinding speed on any task at hand. His fine motor skills are such that, should it ever happen, he can easily undo knots, ties, bodices, and clasps with an incredible amount of dexterity.

.:Agile:.: In a strictly business sense, Tervild's fluid personality allows him to easily, and quickly adapt to any situation. His mind moves quickly in times of peril or business, and at times he finds that his mind is already several steps of his tongue. This ability to think on his feet, and act on his intuition has allowed him to overcome (the space between 'over' and 'come' wasn't needed) many business, and magic related adversities. His agile mind is of course a strong part of his intellect, and as such he is not only able to think quickly, but comprehend his thoughts and those of others within a matter of moments. This is also helpful in his dealings with those of the other sex, as many ladies can easily take what he says the wrong way. Through his agile mind he is able to carry out plans and projects with relative ease.

.:Charisma:.: As part of his striking personality, the mage is exceptionally charismatic towards most nobles and ladies of all sorts. With his good looks, care for hygiene, and narcissistic attitude, Tervild is more comfortable around women than men. When in the company of others he is usually accompanied by a youthful and good looking protege who is always clinging to his arm. His charisma usually takes the form of a story, or some form of gossip mongering that he may have overheard (the space between 'over' and 'heard' wasn't needed). On those rare occasions where he meets a mage, or someone interested in magic he can talk for a great length of time about it's subtle intricacies and possibilities. Amongst actors, actresses, family members, and friends he becomes overly theatric and whimsical, and has the habit of quoting poetry, songs, or plays when he speaks.

.:Literate:.: Born to a hard working merchant, this actor has learned how to read and write albeit with some difficulty. Having never seen the point in reading and writing, he refrained from learning until taught by his brother. Capable of reading and writing with relative ease, he has a firm grip on how to spell, and a large vocabulary. Fashioning himself as a kind of noble when he acts, his writing is usually very curled and lady like in appearance. He is able to easily read and comprehend properly without the need for any kind of visual aid or otherwise.

.:Weaknesses:.

.:Narcissistic:.: Obsessed is putting things mildly when looking at Tervild's overly conscientious personality. By making a habit of looking at himself in glasses, the eyes of beautiful women, mirrors, cutlery, water, and anything else that can hold a clear image, he ensures that not a single hair is out of place. The majority of people who observe, or bear witness to his estranged habit often believe him to be incredibly mad. The ladies whose eyes he uses as miniature mirrors end up striking him across the face or tearing up in appreciation of his good looks. Needless to say, his narcissistic attitude has gotten him into several fixes with various women, and critics.

.:Anger Management:.: When angry or upset, nothing can stop this agile actor from turning his smooth tongue, into a sword designed for verbal abuse. Several critics have said that Tervild's anger is something both beautiful and terrifying. Beautiful because even upset his good looks are something that can simply not be ignored. Terrifying because nothing will stop him from provoking a fight, and trying to use magic or his fists to solve a problem. On these rare cases, he loses his cool and calm composure completely and a snarl usually mars the perfection of his face. This proves to be particularly destructive when in the company of rich nobles, merchants, and others of high rank in society.

.:Size:.: His small stature is something that constantly bothers Tervild as many older women, and several other women his own age easily mistake him for someone a great deal younger. As an accomplished actor, and a smooth talking gentleman, his size is a constant reminder that he is not completely perfect. Due to his small size he can easily move about in a large crowd with relative ease, and is unlikely to be recognized by fans and journalists when walking amongst peasants. By pursuing excellence in his occupation, Tervild seeks to become a well known and renowned actor across the continent. His small size also makes getting attention exceptionally difficult for the young actor, and to be ignored by the tall people around him is something he simply cannot tolerate.

.:Gossip Monger:.: Unlike a gentleman, this actor has the nasty habit of gossiping behind the backs of people. Both literally and figuratively speaking, Tervild has no hesitation when it comes to passing on a juicy tidbit, or piece of information that may or may not be entirely true. This terrible habit has earned him more than a few enemies, and more often then note he can be found knee deep in threatening letters, or angry messages. More often then not, there is a powerful combination of the two. Despite this however Tervild simply shrugs off such "negative" behaviour, and does his best to not let such things bother him. On rare occasion does someone do something about his gossip mongering, but most realize that he is probably lying in part due to his personality. As such his gossiping has never resulted in the ruining of someone's career in show business, but he always runs the risk whenever he whispers a dirty secret about someone.

.:Lazy:.: If a topic fails to catch his interest, the nasty habit of ignoring, or doing things in a half assed way are things that can not be avoided. Though Tervild's mind is relatively sharp, if he has no clear interest in something, he is unable to provide his full attention on a subject. At times this leaves his understanding of a particular subject incomplete, or half done. This is particular noticeable in his inability to do mathematics properly, and his disregard for household chores. His laziness also extends into his work at times, and he usually refuses to participate in plays that he finds droll or overly taxing on his abilities.

Overall, I like your selection of strengths and weaknesses, at least from where I'm sitting, Tervild seems to be well balanced.

.:Magic:.

Not being too knowledgeable about magic, I think I'd best leave this for someone else to check over for you, Tervild.

Vaguely powerful for a III Level Water Mage, his abilities are nothing to scoff at, but what he does with his abilities is something that other mages would probably find weird. The twelve year old Tervild Jorek was taken to Ximax where he eventually grew into his powers, but shortly after he left to become an actor. However, after becoming an actor, he continued practicing magic both on and off stage. By enhancing the frigidity of the element water in the car'all of air, he is able to create mist like effects without the need to be near warm water. Often this allows him to generate a mysterious atmosphere as he suspends minute particles of water in the air. Ghosts, phantasms, and illusions are also capable of being created in this way, albeit a little more focus and concentration is required to make a slightly more solid apparition.

By manipulating the Water car'all in his own car'all, he is able to create the same illusory effect with his body to a certain degree. Though he does not become altogether transparent, the fringes of his outline do seem to become slightly whispy, and his already ethereal appearance becomes all the more prominent. The contours of his sharp nose and chin also become softened and complete his soft and smooth facial appearance. Although he is unable to fully liquidize his body, if concentrating hard enough, and not distracted Tervild can for a brief moment become pure water. This effect lasts but a moment, but is usually more than enough to draw a few surprised gasps from audience members.

True to the Element Water, the mage's personality is some strange, and verges on chaotic. Usually this would allow access to spells of far greater strength, but after having dropped out of Ximax, Tervild's education remained incomplete. Violence is something that Tervild abhors, unless of course he is the one starting the fight. Rarely does he ever use offensive spells against anyone, but his habit of gossiping only makes it more likely that someone will, eventually, strike out at him. Instead, he focuses more on defensive spells that can befuddle the mind, or freeze the very air around him create a shield of protection. By subtly increasing the dominance of the water of the car'all he can increase the anxiety, or confusion that a person feels however small it may be. He is also capable of doing the reverse and though he cannot completely free a person of their emotional stress he can at least make them feel more comfortable by decreasing the dominance of the water of the car'all.

All the magic that he uses is simply for the benefit of the troop that he is working for. The ability to make things cold by increasing the strength of water, and then bending it towards the Earth are key in creating a cool and crisp atmosphere. Needless to say, many of plays that Tervild acts in usually require his magical talents for effect. As a kind of parlor trick he enjoys making water leap from one glass to another while certain estranged nobles look on. Tervild is able to move around a glass sized glob of water within the radius of a ped. Rarely does he ever find the need to move around water in a larger quantity.

Though he does carry several aquamarines, rarely does he ever use a reagent when casting spells unless absolutely necessary. At times when his knowledge of spells runs dry, he has the habit of changing a spell to suit his purposes. A good example of this is when he freezes water in a particularly small area to make ice for his drink. When being attacked, Tervild is able to cast an icy shield about himself with in five seconds or less if he uses a reagent. Usually his spells take a great deal longer to cast, but they tend to have a stronger effect due to the strength of his own water car'all. The ability to do water magic has been a great asset to Tervild's career, and has been the cause for a vast majority of his success.

.:History:.

Tervild was born the second son of a prominent merchant and former actress in Marcogg. Nothing particularly auspicious marked the day, and there was nothing spectacular about the birth of their middle child. Verg Jorek was the sole owner of a large fishing, and whaling company, and was almost always away from home. Hence, the care of the boys was left to their mother, Ananra Jorek, who had quit acting to become a house wife. They lived in a large family estate that was funded by the large fishing operations their father had running along the coast. Ulf, Tervild, and Friss Jorek were collectively known as the Oceanic Triplets among friends and family. So alike were the three in behaviour that many claimed they were like extensions of one another.

The lack of a father figure meant that Ulf was the man of the house despite his young age. Five years Tervild's senior, he was constantly trying to become both physically and mentally stronger, and served as the role model for his younger siblings. Friss Jorek was born blind, but it had never stopped him from behaving as if he could see like any other boy. The three were constantly backing each other, and protecting one another whenever they ran into trouble around the house. At the age of twelve Ulf would go off to the Academy at Ximax to learn water magic as he would find out that he had an incredible affinity for it, before returning to handle matters of state. It was in their young age that the siblings learned how to read and write properly from their mother.

After Ulf had left for Ximax, the other two boys spent the majority of their time in the company of their mother. Without Ulf, Tervild took his role of elder brother more seriously, and would rarely let Friss out of his sight. During the mornings the two would practice their reading and writing, and in the evenings their mother would tell them stories about her life as an actress. It was during this time that Tervild became obsessed with acting, and begged his mother to teach him. He learned about plays, and poetry from the loving hands of his mother, and would often act out various scenes when the mood was upon him. Being the eldest son, Ulf would inherit the family business, and so Tervild decided to follow a career in acting. Upon hearing of his son's ambition Verg tried to dissuade his son when he returned home, but Tervild remained firm in his decision. It was then that his father asked him to attend the Ximax Academy to learn magic, and when asked why simply said that it was a contingency plan.

Five years after his brother had gone to Ximax, Tervild made his way to the Magical Academy to learn the arts of wizardry. Marveling at the wonders of the Outer City, Tervild was surprised to find the ancient Inner City collecting dust throughout the ages. It was while traveling to the city of Ximax that Tervild managed to overcome his home sickness, and learned to enjoy life without boundaries. It was in the Inner City that he caught his first glimpse of magic at Valgure's Magical Emporium. Several older Water Magi had decided to pull a prank, and soaked one of their friends by dropping a ball of water over his head as he was leaving the Emporium. From that day on, a new, and strange curiosity was lit in him as he walked through the Tower of the Guard into his new life of magic.

A long decade was spent at the Academy, memorizing formulas, practicing magical incantations, and learning about the manipulation of car'all. Selected by the Magi of the Tower of the Sea, he was shortly reacquainted with his older brother who had managed to accomplish the first two levels of water magic over the last five years. It was with a great deal of help from the professors that the next ten years of Tervild's life were going to be those of hard study, and constant work. During his first few weeks Tervild informed his brother of all the going ons back at home, and how he had decided to be an actor. When asked, Ulf simply said that if that was what he wanted to do, then he should do it.

The memorization of formulas, and spells started with a long and arduous explanation pertaining to the car'all, and ounia. Days were spent in the attempt to grasp the theory of car'all and how it could be used to create magical effects. Eventually he was able to successfully wrap his head around the idea of the car'all, and was able to learn how to produce effects by the manipulation of ounia. Learning the mechanics of how to move about a glob of water freely, and then putting it in to practice was something else entirely. The necessary control, and study took several long years for him to finally complete, and it was two years after his initiation that Friss Jorek entered the Tower of the Sea for his studies.

The three brothers spent a great deal of their free time together when they weren't studying or preparing for classes. Often they had no time to spend with each other, but they were always on the lookout for one another. During their time at the Academy the boys associated with all sorts of people of all genders, races, and backgrounds. The near decade that Tervild spent learning in those hallowed halls was not only the study of magic, but of people. As a soon to be actor he often did small skits and plays for his friends, and was talked about a great deal in both positive and negative lighting. It was when Ulf had started his first year as a V Level Water Mage, Tervild had finished his study of the Sphere of Change, and Friss was in the middle of his third year when the three returned home for the first time since their arrival.

As a loving mother, Ananra often sent the boys letters, and small treats from home. Not wanting to interfere with their studies, she never asked them to come back to their small house. It was when she began feeling ill that she asked for her boys to return home, as she said she could feel that her time was coming. Having been struck by the strangling disease, she was bed ridden from all the haranguing the disease caused her. The three brothers arrived in time to hear their mother's final will before she was taken by Queprur. Ulf left Ximax, and became the Head of their family's fishing and whaling company, while Friss being the youngest remained at the Academy to learn the Arts of Water Magic to it's fullest. Lastly she told Tervild to follow his dreams, and whispered to him that he was always her favourite.

Two days later a funeral was held for her, and the boys, amidst a great deal of sobbing, promised to meet up again in the near future. Several weeks later, Friss had returned to his classes while Tervild had signed forms releasing Ulf, and himself from the Academy. Saying his final good bye to his brother Tervild left the Academy for the last time, and began travelling the continent. Finding work as an actor was nigh impossible for the young man, and it was by a stroke of luck that he came across the Nightshade Carnival. Though he followed the Carnival around for several years, watching the performances, and trying to sway the twins, Lazardian and Nightsahde, he was unsuccessful in finding a job with them. It was then that he began to do street performances using magic to create images and illusions that seemed to draw the eye.

In taverns he would often quote poetry for the waitresses, and put on acts while storytelling for the gents. Often he could be found jumping about the common room with an atrocious hat on his head, and a wooden sword in his hand. Though his acting seemed comical at first sight, if watched long enough, several bystanders (The space wasn't needed between 'by' and 'standers'. The word is bystanders, not bystandards) often claimed that he may as well have been some sea fairing magician. It was during his street performances, and tavern acts that he first came upon the Black Butterfly Rovers. After talking to several of their members Tervild attempted to join the actors of the troop, however he was once more refused. It was when he offered his services for free that the Rovers decided to take him on.

For a full year he travelled with the Rovers after leaving the Academy of Ximax, and it wasn't long before his magical abilities were discovered by the Rovers. Being able to do water magic, Tervild practiced on a daily basis, and it wasn't long before he became part of the Rover's stage crew. By employing magic he was able to create visual effects that would not readily be available to anyone else. Mist, illusions, apparitions, and floating water are just a few of the many visuals that he provided to stun the audiences he encountered. It was after that first year of hard work that the Rovers suggested inaugurating him, but he refused saying that he was going to start his own acting troop.

On instinct he began to travel looking for hidden talents across the whole of the continent. From time to time he sends messages to his brothers, though he rarely receives letters in reply as he is always moving about. As he travels he hopes to eventually start his own school, and is constantly trying to gain renown as he often performs on the streets and inns to make a living. To this day he is still looking for other entertainers capable of acting in the hopes of creating the best cast in the world.

I can't see anything in your history that jumps out at me as being implausible, just picked up very few corrections that I believe need to be made.

.:Belongings:.
  • X3 Clothing
  • Wallet
  • Folded Napkins and Papers
  • X3 Undergarments

What a wonderfully written CD that was a pleasure to read. I apologise for not getting to it earlier for you!
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Tervild Jorek
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« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2009, 07:26:38 AM »

Thanks again for looking at my CD Dek, I've carried out all the corrections, and I'm ready for more! :) I guess I'll have to wait for Kalina to look at my magic section so I appreciate you taking the time to look my CD over for me, I just hope I won't be waiting another three/four days before the next comment :P.

.: Tervild Jorek :.
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Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2009, 07:57:11 AM »

Hello Tervild! Welcome to Santharia! I've got some comments for your magic section, but overall it's very nice and detailed. Is this your first character about here? Thumb up

Quote
Vaguely powerful for a III Level Water Mage, his abilities are nothing to scoff at, but what he does with his abilities is something that other mages would probably find weird. The twelve year old Tervild Jorek was taken to Ximax where he eventually grew into his powers, but shortly after he left to become an actor. However, after becoming an actor, he continued practicing magic both on and off stage. By enhancing the frigidity of the element water in the car'all of air, he is able to create mist like effects without the need to be near warm water.<--If you only manipulated the frigidity property, the air would just become cold. For mist, I'd just enhance all properties in general, though slightly. Often this allows him to generate a mysterious atmosphere(comma) as he suspends minute particles of water in the air. Ghosts, phantasms, and illusions are also capable of being created in this way, albeit a little more focus and concentration is required to make a slightly more solid apparition. <--However, the frigidity property would be used for making it more solid, so could be added in here. And how detailed do you intend for these to be? I'm not sure even a humanoid figure would be possible with Sphere I, rather a large blob most likely..

By manipulating the Water car'all<--Ounia. Car'allia aren't associated with particular elements, as even just plain water would have ounia of elements mixed in with it in his own car'all, he is able to create the same illusory effect with his body to a certain degree.<--This effect sounds more like the air around your car'all. Though he does not become altogether transparent, the fringes of his outline do seem to become slightly whispy, and his already ethereal appearance becomes all the more prominent. The contours of his sharp nose and chin also become softened and complete his soft and smooth facial appearance. Although he is unable to fully liquidize his body, if concentrating hard enough, and not distracted Tervild can for a brief moment become pure water.<--Nope. A mage can never make themselves "pure water", (especially not if they intend to survive). I don't even think it's safe to make themselves slightly watery, personally. This effect lasts but a moment, but is usually more than enough to draw a few surprised gasps from audience members.

True to the Element Water, the mage's personality is some strange, and verges on chaotic. Usually this would allow access to spells of far greater strength, but after having dropped out of Ximax, Tervild's education remained incomplete. Violence is something that Tervild abhors, unless of course he is the one starting the fight. Rarely does he ever use offensive spells against anyone, but his habit of gossiping only makes it more likely that someone will, eventually, strike out at him. Instead, he focuses more on defensive spells that can befuddle the mind, or freeze the very air around him (to) create a shield of protection. By subtly increasing the dominance of the water of the car'all he can increase the anxiety, or confusion that a person feels however small it may be. He is also capable of doing the reverse and though he cannot completely free a person of their emotional stress he can at least make them feel more comfortable by decreasing the dominance of the water of the car'all.

All the magic that he uses is simply for the benefit of the troop that he is working for. The ability to make things cold by increasing the strength of water, and then bending it towards the Earth are key in creating a cool and crisp atmosphere.<--I don't understand what you mean by bending it towards the earth. With Sphere I you don't need to "get" water ounia from somewhere. That would be more like Sphere III. To make something colder, all you need to do is increase the influcne of the "coldness" property. Needless to say, many of plays that Tervild acts in usually require his magical talents for effect. As a kind of parlor trick he enjoys making water leap from one glass to another while certain estranged nobles look on. Tervild is able to move around a glass sized glob of water within the radius of a ped. Rarely does he ever find the need to move around water in a larger quantity.

Though he does carry several aquamarines, rarely does he ever use a reagent when casting spells unless absolutely necessary. At times when his knowledge of spells runs dry, he has the habit of changing a spell to suit his purposes. A good example of this is when he freezes water in a particularly small area to make ice for his drink. When being attacked, Tervild is able to cast an icy shield about himself with in five seconds or less if he uses a reagent. Usually his spells take a great deal longer to cast, but they tend to have a stronger effect due to the strength of his own water car'all.<--Car'allia aren't inclined toward any particular element. Having more water ounia in your own car'all wouldn't effect your spellcasting at all, except perhaps with Sphere III, when you are able to transfer ounia between two car'allia. But it's really not that big of an advantage even then. The ability to do water magic has been a great asset to Tervild's career, and has been the cause for a vast majority of his success.

It looks like a lot of orange, but overall I thought it was well-explained, relatively accurate, and you definitely have the general idea of the Ximaxian system! Nice job! I wish you a speedy approval, and feel free to ask any questions you may have! :)

Sincerely
~Eleyr Fasamar (:
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Tervild Jorek
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« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2009, 01:04:27 AM »

Ah Eléyr, thanks for looking my magic section over for me. This isn't my first CD, but this is the first time that I attempted to create a mage character. I'm impressed that you got to me so fast though XD. Again thanks for helping me out with the magic section, I'm still new to the whole concept though I've read almost everything on it. :P

I've integrated the comments ladies and gentlemen so I'm ready for more comments! :)
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Alexandre Scriabin
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« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2009, 04:14:54 AM »

Quote
Although possessed of an intellectual and analytical mindset, this young man rarely shows his intellectual side to anyone. Acting as a carefree and outspoken individual, he keeps his sharp mind hidden behind a very social facade.

Could you maybe clarify a bit? You spend one paragraph stating he is diplomatic, serious, and in the possession of a fairly strong, analytical. And in the end of that paragraph you type in that he comes off as narcissistic, obnoxious, rude, and overly conscientious. In the next two paragraphs you say that he is actually somewhat jovial, and he doesn't like to show his intellectual side. That doesn't seem very diplomatic, serious, or analytical to me. Maybe i'm just jumping at a discrepancy that isn't there, so i'd like to hear what you think about that tidbit there.


Quote
.:Agile:.: In a strictly business sense, Tervild's fluid personality allows him to easily, and quickly adapt to any situation. His mind moves quickly in times of peril or business, and at times he finds that his mind is already several steps of his tongue.

I'm not sure that would best go under the category of agile. It seems more characteristic of the expression quick-witted. Agility is strictly defined in a physical context, even if it involves a bit of cranial involvement. It is entirely about reflexes, which are instantaneous response. Thinking quickly through situations has nothing to do with a reflex arc, or flexibility for that matter. I can see that his mind is what you might call "agile", but just using the word agile as the title isn't really specific enough if you were going for that.

I guess that's all I can think of at the moment, aside from a few grammatical errors. Have a good one, and hopefully get approved soon.
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« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2009, 05:30:05 AM »

Thank you for the comments Alex, I was just about to post again that it has been yet another three days  ;). Allow me to talk about your comments for a moment though.

Quote
Although possessed of an intellectual and analytical mindset, this young man rarely shows his intellectual side to anyone. Acting as a carefree and outspoken individual, he keeps his sharp mind hidden behind a very social facade.

If you'd read into my paragraph, I'd said that he may come off as annoying, rude or obnoxious, but that's solely when he is upset or angry. The majority of the time he's just a happy, almost care free kind of individual.

Quote
.:Agile:.: In a strictly business sense, Tervild's fluid personality allows him to easily, and quickly adapt to any situation. His mind moves quickly in times of peril or business, and at times he finds that his mind is already several steps of his tongue.

That's not necessarily true, as being agile can be described as being quick of both body and mind. Trust me on this, I looked at different dictionaries and websites before giving it the title Agile. I think in terms of the body we'd go more along the lines of agility when talking about the body. Also I'm very particular to the phrase "possessed of an agile mind" or "an agile minded individual" hence the title agile. I hope that addresses your quires Alex, and thanks for taking the time to look my CD over  Thumb up.

More comments though please from anyone out there! Particularly on my magic section!
« Last Edit: August 19, 2009, 05:31:54 AM by Tervild Jorek » Logged

Eléyr Fásamár
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« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2009, 09:41:01 AM »

Heya Tervild! Just popping into reread your magic section ... And the edits look great! You should be all set to go in that department, and I expect an approval is imminent. Thumb up :)
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Eléyr's CD ~¤•¤~ Character Creation ~¤•¤~ Restrictions ~¤•¤~ CD Etiquette
Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2009, 10:08:07 AM »

Hi Tervild,

I had actually been working on this yesterday for you, but then somehow lost the post.

I've read through Alexandre's comments as well, and your responses, as well as the quotes in context with the rest of the CD, and feel that your comments are in keeping with the character.

The area I wasn't certain of was the magic section ... now that Eleyr has commented on that, I'm happy to give you a 1st approval, providing you deal with a couple of very small details for me. :D

The first one is in the last sentence of your 'Physical Description'

Quote
With his pearly white teeth, translucent skin, and shiny black hair, none can claim that he doesn't look the part of a well of actor.

That second of should be off ... a well off actor.

The second one is in your history section, paragraph 10 ...

Quote
In taverns he would often quote poetry for the waitresses, and put on acts while storytelling for the gents. Often he could be found jumping about the common room with an atrocious hat on his head, and a wooden sword in his hand. Though his acting seemed comical at first sight, if watched long enough, several bystandards bystanders often claimed that he may as well have been some sea fairing faring magician. It was during his street performances, and tavern acts that he first came upon the Black Butterfly Rovers. After talking to several of their members Tervild attempted to join the actors of the troop, however he was once more refused. It was when he offered his services for free that the Rovers decided to take him on.

bystandards should be bystanders
fairing should be faring

So, congratulations on your 1st approval, and apologies for the length of time its taken me to get back to it for you.
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Tervild Jorek
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« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2009, 10:47:32 AM »

Ah Dek thanks so much for the first approval. I've taken care of all the details, now just one more to go and off to the archives :)!
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2009, 02:37:10 PM »

My only suggestion would be to read up on the usage of hypens, something I noticed which needed some work here in your CD. ^.~

Yet, since it nothing worth holding back a second approval. You have mine, so remove the colour so we can send ya on your way.

~Second Approval~
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Tervild Jorek
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« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2009, 09:04:14 PM »

After so many weeks, finally finished! Thanks for the final approval Kalina  heart

I've removed all the color, so I'm totally ready for Approved Character status XP
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2009, 05:11:13 AM »

Alrighty, Titled and Archived.
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