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Author Topic: Mila Metariel/Zhunite(Marmarran)/Sanrier,Bodyguard, Enkyklopadiëc and Lecturer  (Read 3761 times)
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Mila Metariel
Sizzling Sanrier
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Human, Zhunite


« on: August 13, 2009, 02:20:09 AM »

Mila Metariel

Name: Mila Metariel
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Race: Human
Tribe: Zhunite (Marmarran)
Occupation: Bodyguard, Enkyklopadiëc and Exchange Lecturer at Ximax
Title: Sizzling Sanrier



Appearance

Height: One ped and two fores
Weight: One pygge and a heb
Eye Colour: Light Brown
Hair Colour: Fiery Red (Natural Black)

Physical Appearence

As is typical of a Marmarran, Mila’s appearance is characterised by her arrogance. Possessing a tall, slender frame with something of a boyish build, most of her one pygge in weight being held in an oddly masculine muscle tone. The constantly raised spine of the woman only heightens her perception of power and her ped of height embellishes her gait immeasurably. With harshly chiselled features and high cheekbones, Mila’s expression adaquately conveys her sense of ruthlessness, mixing a seeming tone of apathy with a startling air of determination. Her skin, unusually for the pasty Marmarrans, holds a healthy bronze tone due to the vast amounts of time she spends outdoors with assignments from the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica, and heightens her odd sense of cruel beauty.

Mila’s prized possession, her fiery red locks, have become her trademark amongst those who have met her; a symbol of the tempestuousness that lays under her skin, both the hue of her hair and her temperament earning her the nickname ‘Lady Inferno’ within the walls of the Pyrunai Institute. The hair, which is particularly thick and straight in most places with a slight wave, is usually kept at a length half way down the woman's back, though it is often seen flailing wildly at the mercy of the elements. In juxtaposition with her aggressive hair, her dull, soft brown eyes seem to contradict the rest of her aggressive demeanour, allowing a small window into what shreds of innocence and sweetness the domineering personality may have left. Mila also has particularly long limbs and digits, giving her a slightly spindly appearance despite having quite a muscular build due to her physically demanding profession and blood-laden diet.

Clothing

As a Marmarran of considerable wealth and affluence, extravagance is the general theme of Mila’s dress sense. Adopting the common reds, blacks and purples of Marmarra along with other lesser used cream and green hues , it is rare to see Mila out of her corsets, a staple of South Nybelmarian fashion. Her reverence for the classical fashion of her homeland is seen throughout her wardrobe, with the woman often wearing frivolously unnecessary head dresses, eye masks or visors, echoing the Aesteran Rezar.

Below the waist as a continuing compliment to the Krean/Zhunite inspired corset outfit, Mila tends to wear a floor-length underdress, creating a seamless flow of fabric from the bottom of her corset to the ground. While these underdresses come in a whole array of rich and exciting colours, they are usually crafted from Tarshiinite Silk or the fabric's nearest competitor, Gondolsilk . However, in more demanding situations such as travelling long distances on foot, Mila is known to adopt more practical attire, with Miarzan leather thigh boots and light cotton shorts.

There seems to be nothing more alluring to Mila than the shimmer of silver. Whenever she gets the chance, she tends to decorate herself with a wide range of bracelets, anklets, necklaces, rings and brooches. And though most of her jewellery collection consists of silver pieces, all the rage in Zhun, one small bloodstone ring, with the gem cut into the shape of a teardrop, sits upon her left hand with enormous sentimental importance. It serves as her mark as an official member of the Pyrunai Institute and her badge of office as a Sanrier.

Mila is known for her freakishly vibrant attitude towards cosmetics as well, and  few are available to her taste in Santharia. She is rarely seen without a banner of colour, cast out of powdered shadow, across her eyes, that often matches the colour of her generally well co-ordinated outfit. Also, despite the constant variation in the colour of her clothes, the long nails of the Marmarran lady are painted a vivacious scarlet, reminiscent of blood- a fitting tribute to a disciple of Blood Magic.

Personality

First and foremost, Mila is a very determined woman. Born into a wealthy household, she quickly became accustomed to getting her own way, and while not necessarily greedy or ungrateful, Mila never did manage to accept that the things she wanted couldn’t be hers. For instance, it was her determination to study Blood Magic as opposed to entering her family’s perfume trade that caused her life to take such a very different course.

In addition to her demanding determination, Mila is undoubtedly ruthless if the circumstances warrant it. Having a very relative sense of priority, Mila would happily allow others to come to harm if it would benefit her own aims. Though this initially seems very harsh, in most instances this trait surfaces itself as rationality. The woman understanding that sacrifices may need to be made in certain circumstances for the ‘greater good’- though accepting a Marmarran’s definition of ‘good’ is a very inadvisable business.  

More so than both her ruthlessness and determination, Mila is known for her deceptively ferocious temper. While managing to remain relatively level–headed in most situations, if someone finds a way to irritate Mila sufficiently, it will be their head that rolls. After all, there was the unfortunate incident concerned a Gondolwain Ship-loader who drowned in the harbour after insulting Mila’s Marmarran heritage.

Like any Marmarran, Mila is something of a xenophobe, and while struggling to embrace her Nybelmarian brethren outside of the City of Witches fully, Mila’s criticism of Sarvonian individuals is something of an excessive habit. While she usually uses the tact to insult foreigners in an unfamiliar language, slips of the tongue can cause a whole manner of problems.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths

Pragmatism and Level-headedness- When Mila is able to keep her cool she has superb assessment skills and is able to formulate plans very quickly in stressful situations, making her an asset in a crisis.

Knowledge of Blood Magic- Her extensive studies at the Pyrunai institute have endowed Mila with superhuman capacities that make a number of violent and tranquil situations remarkably easy to deal with.

Flirtatiousness- When not consumed by her xenophobic arrogance, Mila is able to use her charm and allure to her own benefit. As many men and women will agree, very persuasive.

Independence- Due to the considerable grants and bursaries offered by Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica, and Mila's tendency to distrust others, the Marmarran is blissfully independent and often leaves few ties behind her. The exception to this however are the ties binding her to her only familiar contact on the continent- Decipher Ziron.

Swords(wo)manship- As a result of her life-long fixation and short-term career in the world of professional 'Tempest Blades' sword-duelling, Mila is a competent and effective swordswoman. However, despite honing her ability to kill, protocols issued by the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica insist that fatalities are kept to a minimum, lest the Nybelmarian visitors be seen as 'barbarians' abroad.

Weaknesses

Violent Zeal- Mila’s eruptions of rage can often cloud her thought, malice taking over her usual rational mindset. Her temper definitely presents a problem when combined with her magically enhanced physique, fits of anger often leaving visible destruction in their wake.

Xenophobic Foreigner- Though her Tharian is impeccable, Mila’s cluelessness when it comes to Sarvonian customs or even the proper way to address other people can land her in trouble. Furthermore her undertone of Marmarran arrogance does little to aid the situation. As a result, despite her handful of Nybelmarian acquaintances abroad, Mila has very few people she can turn to for help, meaning when she falls on hard times she must deal with them herself.

Ignorance of Geography- Despite knowing Nybelmar like the back of her hand, Mila has been given a whole number of inaccurate articles concerning the navigation of Sarvonia. This means she is often reliant on the knowledge of others on which directions to travel in, making independent travel very difficult. In instances where she can be misled, it is very catastrophic for Mila to travel long distances with people who may have ulterior motives, being lost in a foreign land causing enough impediments as it is

‘The Thirst’- Due to her overzealous attitude towards Blood Magic, Mila has developed ‘The Thirst’. As a result she requires substantial quantities of blood to function effectively, a blood-starved Mila performing magic being out of the question completely. The amount of blood consumed varies every so often, depending on how much strain her magical indulgences have placed on her body, aggravating the affliction. Usually, she requires around a wine glass of fresh blood daily, making her trips to slaughterhouses very common ones. Human blood would satiate the thirst for up to five days, but this is a rare commodity, at least without asking.

Alcoholism- As a Marmarran Bourgeoisie, Mila naturally grew up in a wine-laden environment, and with the variety of alcoholic beverages available in the wide-reaching Santharian Kingdom, her addiction to drink has never fully subsided.


Magic

Graduate Sanrier (1 Key Skills, 2 Feats, 1 Disadvantage)

Key Skills

Advanced Internal Flow Control

Mila has studied internal Sanryu flow to an amazingly specific degree at the Institute and as a result is very adept in controlling her own Sanryu, making her able to enhance her own physical abilities in a number of ways.


Feats

Sharpened Senses

By manipulating her Sanryu and focusing on the capacities of her eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin, Mila can develop amazing levels of perception. However she is not able to concentrate on all senses at once, only one at a time. She is able to see approximately a league in the distance during the day or normal distances in darker conditions. She can also hear the slightest whisper in a crowded room or discern and recognise an odour like a bloodhound. The uses of her other enhanced senses are few and far between, however, with Mila lacking the famed abilities to taste the sweat of an agitated man leagues away or feel the slightest changes in the air, twitching when a butterfly flutters into the room. Each of her sensory enhancements can only least for around ten minutes before she collapses from exhaustion.

Extreme Reflexes and Agility

By focusing her own Sanryu onto her muscles and joints Mila is able to move at remarkable speed, a skill useful in her often violent occupation as a bodyguard. Her ability to move with incredible pace with considerable levels of endurance make her perfect in pursuits or retreats, assuming her target/pursuer are not equally as quick. Many say Mila is in fact so quick you do not know she has unsheathed her blade until it has been stained with blood, the foe already fallen, though this is a far-fetched exaggeration. In close-quarters combat, Mila's ability to swing a blade with abhuman dexterity can only last for around six minutes, reaching the recommended ten minutes leaving the woman feeling extremely fatigued.

Disadvantage

The Thirst

Due to continuous absorption of Sanryu through blood, Mila is preyed upon by the worst affliction known to Sanriers, The Thirst. The Thirst entails that her body requires unnaturally high levels of Sanryu to function normally and is a constantly worsening condition. As a result the woman needs to drink blood in order to survive. However, due to frequent visits to slaughterhouses where she can substitute human blood for that of freshly killed livestock, her condition is rarely unmanageable.

History

Born to an affluent perfume Merchant and his less than faithful wife in the Inner Ring of Marmarra, there was little Mila wanted for as a child. Her father, a man concerned primarily with accumulating wealth and doing little other than finding ways of expressing this to the general public, was rarely present in her life due to his various gold-making ventures. However, he would never miss the chance to display his financial superiority. As such, from a spectacularly young age, Mila was little more than her father's showcase. He would provide her with a luxurious lifestyle under the condition she matured into an impressive addition to his prized collection.

However, with the absence of her father throughout most of her childhood and the largely female staff of servants that attended the Metariel Household, Mila developed a strong perception of strong and independent women. She also gained something of a disdain for men, who looking to her father and his associates appeared to be creatures of shallow ambitions and concerns. It was with this obsession with powerful women that sparked her infatuation with the Witch Queens of Marmarra, particularly the second Witch Queen- Dilara the Bloody. Stemming from her obsession with Dilara, Mila took up the somewhat violent sport invented by the Witch Queen, 'Tempest Blades', a practice involving stilettos or Zhunite Throatblades to hone the skills of Thorns before their ascension to the post of Witch Queen. As a result, at age eleven, Mila was a proficient and dangerous swordswoman, though she had no idea that such skills would relevant to her later life.

As her interest with the long dead Queen Dilara faded, her sense of idolisation was revived by the red-headed Pyrunite Yarashina Uhaliiana, a senior Sanrier and the current reigning champion within the 'Tempest Blades' Tournaments of Marmarra, the victor sadly only being affirmed by the demise of the loser. Such was her adulation that Mila began to model herself on the woman, making the ultimate decision at age 16 to enroll within the Pyrunai Institute.

After 5 years study as a relatively mediocre student of the institute, Mila continued further her emulation of Yarashina into the world of competitive swordfighting. However, she only competed six months after entering at a professional level, with a number of Blood Magic ploys making the fights pass with ease. Eventually, Mila was scouted by the Marmarran Decipher Ziron to serve in the combat wing of the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica, a group of bodyguards and warriors that were a grim neccesity on scholarly expeditions into dangerous territories.

After a handful of assignments accompanying parties including the more well-known scholars Miraran Tehuriden and Decipher Ziron into the treacherous Germon Doilth Peaks and the equally terrifying Venlaken Enclave and Inami Wastes, Mila's capacity as a combatant was eventually recognised, the Enkyklopadië assigning her to be Master Ziron's sole bodyguard.

As such, with the everpresent inter-continental travels undertaken by Decipher, Mila is often kept in tow, pulled from realm to realm in order to keep the scholar, and more importantly the information he gathers, safe and sound. Due to the introductions made by Decipher and more so by his accquantaince Coren Frozenzephyr, Mila and her affinity for Blood Magic are of great interest to Ximax, the academy often inviting her for lectures when students are prescribed a more culminative viewpoint on the Caelerethian arcane. This semi-official post as a 'Foreign Witch' has conjured her considerable renown within Ximax and Xaramon as a whole, though in most other areas she is simply another exotic face lost in Decipher Ziron's entourage.

Weapons

As a bodyguard you may expect Mila to be armed to the teeth, though due to the rare instances of trouble that are spotted on the calmer Sarvonia she has taken to carrying only her dual Throatblades, a Zhunite weapon similar to a shortsword with about half the blade width, and a Miraje finger blade. When these, however, are combined with her incredible agility and perception, they generally more than suffice.

The Throatblades themselves measure approximately two fores and two palmspans in length, though only around six nailsbreadths in width. Due to Mila's unusual abilities, her fighting style is considerably unique. Despite her quickness and perception, many opponents are far stronger than Mila, and as such the woman tends to end bouts as quickly as possible. Though her experience in 'Tempest Blades' has taught her the importance of a quick, clean kill, it is more common that Mila take advantage of her agility and cause a disarming wound to an enemy. Usually the maneuvers used by Mila such as, cutting the tendon above the heel, end the fights with a few blinks of their beginning without any fatalities.

Belongings

Besides her extensive wardrobe, Mila carries with her various bottles of perfume, a never-depleting bottle of White Zhuinite Geranium Rose Wine, a conspicously large bottle of Lukrinam Venom, a horribly inaccurate map of the Santharian Kingdom and an equally misleading set of papers on the customs of Sarvonia, the latter two provided in good faith by the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica. The map, for instance, neglects to include three large forests and the Tandala Highlands, amongst a whole manner of other cartographical inconsistencies.
« Last Edit: August 25, 2009, 03:27:28 AM by Kalína Mërénwčn » Logged

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Mila's Cd
Mila Metariel
Sizzling Sanrier
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Human, Zhunite


« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2009, 05:42:31 AM »

Commentary Appreciated  grin!
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Mila's Cd
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2009, 08:50:19 AM »

My comments will be in wonderful orange

Name: Mila Metariel
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Race: Human
Tribe: Zhunite (Marmarran)
Occupation: Bodyguard, Enkyklopadiëc and Exchange Lecturer at Ximax
Title: The Sizzling Sanrier



Appearance

Height: One ped and two fores
Weight: One Pygge and a heb
Eye Colour: Light Brown
Hair Colour: Fiery Red (Natural Black)

Physical Appearence

As typical of a Marmarran, Mila’s appearance is characterised by her arrogance. Possessing a tall, slender frame with something of a boyish build, the constantly raised spine of the woman only heightens her perception of power. With harshly chiselled features and high cheekbones, Mila’s expression conveys adequately her sense of ruthlessness, mixing a seeming apathy with a startling air of determination. Her skin, unusually for the pasty Marmarrans, holds a healthy bronze tone due to the vast amounts of time she spends outdoors with assignments from the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica, and heightens her odd sense of cruel beauty.

Mila’s prized possession, her fiery red locks, have become her trademark amongst those who have met her, a symbol of the tempestuousness that lays under her skin, both the hue of her hair and her temperament earning her the nickname ‘Lady Inferno’ within the walls of the Pyrunai Institute. In juxtaposition with her aggressive hair, her dull, soft brown eyes seem to contradict the rest of her aggressive demeanour, allowing a small window into what shreds of innocence and sweetness the domineering personality may have left. Mila also has particularly long limbs and digits, giving her a slightly spindly appearance despite having quite a muscular tone due to her physically demanding profession and blood-laden diet.  You seem to be missing the length of the hair here, and the style. It's kind of a useful detail.

Clothing

As a Marmarran of considerable wealth and affluence, extravagance is the general theme of Mila’s dress sense. Adopting the common colours of Marmarra (Blacks, Reds and rich Purples) along with other lesser used hues (such as creams and green), it is rare to see Mila out of her corsets, a staple of South Nybelmarian fashion, with the woman often wearing frivolously unnecessary head dresses, eye masks or visors, echoing the Aesteran Rezar.

Nothing, it seems, is more alluring to Mila than the shimmer of silver, as whenever she gets the chance she tends to decorate herself with a wide range of bracelets, anklets, necklaces, rings and brooches. And though most of her jewellery collection consists of silver pieces, all the rage in Zhun, one small bloodstone ring (with the gem cut into the shape of a teardrop) sits upon her left hand with enormous sentimental importance, her mark as an official member of the Pyrunai Institute and her badge of office as a Sanrier.

Mila is known, too, for her freakishly vibrant attitude towards cosmetics, and though few are available to her taste in Santharia, she is rarely seen without a banner of colour across her eyes cast out of powdered shadow, often matching the colour of her generally well co-ordinated outfit. Also, despite the constant variation in the colour of her clothes, the long nails of the Marmarran lady are painted a vivacious scarlet, reminiscent of blood- a fitting tribute to a disciple of Blood Magic.
You seemed to have missed what she's wearing below the waist here. That might be important, no?

Personality

Mila, first and foremost, is a very determined woman. Born into a wealthy household, she became quickly accustomed to getting her own way, and while not necessarily greedy or ungrateful, Mila did never manage to accept that the things she wanted couldn’t be hers. It was, for instance, her determination to study Blood Magic as opposed to entering her family’s perfume trade that caused her life to take such a very different course.

In addition to her demanding determination, Mila is undoubtedly ruthless if the circumstances warrant it. Having a very relative sense of priority, Mila would happily allow others to come to harm if it would benefit her own aims. Though this seems initially like a very harsh viewpoint to take, in most instances this trait surfaces itself as rationality, the woman understanding that sacrifices may need to be made in certain circumstances for the ‘greater good’- though accepting a Marmarran’s definition of ‘good’ is a very unadvisable business. 

More so than both her ruthlessness and determination, Mila is known for her deceptively ferocious temper. While managing to remain relatively level –headed in most situations, if someone finds a way to irritate Mila sufficiently it will be their head that rolls. There was, after all, the unfortunate incident concerned a Gondolwain Ship-loader who drowned in the harbour after insulting Mila’s Marmarran heritage.

Like any Marmarran, Mila is something of a xenophobe, and while struggling to embrace her Nybelmarian brethren outside of the City of Witches fully, Mila’s criticism of Sarvonian individuals is something of an excessive habit. While she usually uses the tact to insult foreigners in an unfamiliar language, slips of the tongue can cause a whole manner of problems.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths

Pragmatism and Level-headedness- Mila, when able to keep her cool, has superb assessment skills and is able to formulate plans very quickly in stressful situations, making her an asset in a crisis.

Knowledge of Blood Magic- Her extensive studies at the Pyrunai institute have endowed Mila with superhuman capacities that make a number of violent and tranquil situations remarkably easy to deal with.

Flirtatiousness- when not consumed by her xenophobic arrogance, Mila is able to use her charm and allure to her own benefit, and is, as many men and women will agree, very persuasive.

Independence- Due to the considerable grants and bursaries offered by Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica, as well as Mila’s tendency not to trust and thus rely on others, the Marmarran is blissfully independent and often leaves few ties behind her, except those bound to her only contact on the continent- Decipher Ziron.

Weaknesses

Violent Zeal- When angered Mila’s eruptions of rage can often cloud her thought, malice taking over her usual rational mindset. Her temper definitely presents a problem when combined with her magically enhanced physique, fits of anger often leaving visible destruction in their wake.

Xenophobic Foreigner- Though her Tharian is impeccable, Mila’s cluelessness when it comes to Sarvonian customs or even the proper way to address other people can land her in trouble, her undertone of Marmarran arrogance doing little to aid the situation. Furthermore, despite her handful of Nybelmarian acquaintances abroad, Mila has very few people she can turn to for help, meaning when she falls on hard times, she must deal with them herself. I might even add lack of knowledge of the geography. Santharia itself is rather big, and the understanding of basic geography (the kind of knowledge that an educated person would be able to tell you ie. Strata is the southernmost city, the borders and capitals of provinces, major landmarks for a given region, even the knowledge of native flora and fauna. If you played this right, it could be quite debilitating given the situation.

‘The Thirst’- Due to her overzealous attitude towards Blood Magic, Mila has developed ‘The Thirst’. As a result she requires substantial quantities of blood to function effectively, a blood-starved Mila performing magic being out of the question completely. A ballpark figure would be nice for how much she consumes and the basis in terms of time between "meals".

Alcoholism- As a Marmarran Bourgeoisie, Mila naturally grew up in a wine-laden environment, and with the variety of alcoholic beverages available in the wide-reaching Santharian Kingdom, her addiction to drink has never fully subsided.


Magic

Advanced Sanrier (2 Key Skills, 4 Feats, 1 Disadvantage)

Key Skills

Advanced Internal Flow Control

Mila has studied internal Sanryu flow to an amazingly specific degree at the Institute and as a result is very adept in controlling her own Sanryu, making her able to enhance her own physical abilities in a number of ways.

External Flow Control

Mila has studied external Sanryu flow and has developed the ability to manipulate it. The ability to manipulate Sanryu in the bodies of others gives Mila a considerable amount of power, and whether she chooses to use this skill to aid or afflict others is dependent on her application of it.

Feats

Sharpened Senses

By manipulating her Sanryu and focusing on the capacities of her eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin, allowing her amazing levels of perception. She is able to see miles in the distance in pitch black, hear the slightest whisper in a crowded room, discern and track an odour like a bloodhound, taste the sweat of an agitated man leagues away or feel the slightest changes in the air, twitching when a butterfly flutters into the room. Though not all at once, of course.

Extreme Reflexes and Agility

By focusing her own Sanryu onto her muscles and joints Mila is able to move at breakneck speed, a skill useful in her often violent occupation as a bodyguard. Her ability to move with incredible pace with considerable levels of endurance make her perfect in pursuits. Many say Mila is in fact so quick you do not know she has unsheathed her blade until it has been stained with blood, the foe already fallen.

Heal Minor Wound

By controlling the Sanryu of a person (including herself if she is the victim) Mila is able to accelerate the bodies natural healing process, turning gaping wounds into scratches in a matter of seconds. Her knowledge of the healing process isn’t as advanced as the Pyrunite masters, however, and as such grievous afflictions to herself or others would be better dealt with by a more qualified Sanrier.

I'd really like to see some indications of limitations in this section. At this point, it seems almost a license to god mod, even if it happens unintentionally. The vagueness is very unsettling when it comes to an untested skill.

Disadvantage

The Thirst

Due to continuous absorption of Sanryu through blood, Mila is preyed upon by the worst affliction known to Sanriers, The Thirst. The Thirst entails that her body requires unnaturally high levels of Sanryu to function normally and is a constantly worsening condition. As a result the woman needs to drink blood, animal as a substitute for that of human, in order to survive, though her condition is rarely unmanageable.

History
left out for the sake of this mod's almost complete lack of related knowledge. buck

Weapons

As a bodyguard you may expect Mila to be armed to the teeth, though due to the rare instances of trouble that are spotted on the calmer Sarvonia she has taken to carrying only her dual Throatblades, a Zhunite weapon similar to a shortsword with about half the blade width, and a Miraje finger blade. When these, however, are combined with her incredible agility and perception, they generally more than suffice. It would be a good idea to give us an idea of the fighting style here, especially given that Mila has access to certain extra-normal skills. Dimensions might help for the throatblades as well.

Belongings

Besides her extensive wardrobe, Mila carries with her various bottles of perfume, a never-depleting bottle of White Zhuinite Geranium Rose Wine, a conspicously large bottle of Lukrinam Venom, a horribly inaccurate map of the Santharian Kingdom and an equally misleading set of papers on the customs of Sarvonia (the latter two provided in good faith by the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica). I'm not quite sure if it's necessary, but I for one would like an idea of how off base these last two items are.

Familiars

Though generally content with living in a small box inside Mila's other possessions, the woman's oldest friend Yarash does often make an appearence. An adult Lisdra (or 'Witch Snake') with perfectly polished rich purple scales, the snakes are the height of fashion in Marmarra though Yarash's arrival in Sarvonian settings is usually either met with suspicious stares or girlish screams. Named as a contraction of Mila's idol Yarashina, the snake's application in Mila's life tends to vary. While it often only appears to be fed or to be worn as a macabre bracelet, its bonecrushing muscles are known to have clasped themselves around a few unfortunates in the past. A little bit more detail on this snake. would be nice. What is Yarash's personality like? How big a snake is it? What colour are it's eyes? It's kind of intended that the familiar section becomes a little mini-cd of sorts.

As I mentioned, I'm not especially familiar (not acquainted with Nybelmar beyond being able to find it on a map of the continents) with the region or the subject matter. The weaknesses appear balanced (though I'm hesitating at calling them that. There's quite a bit of vagueness about the blood magic, which worries me greatly) , but you will have to play the xenophobia properly in order for it to really work out, none of this "oh, I'm getting along fine now" business.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2009, 08:57:55 AM by Valan » Logged

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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2009, 10:40:28 AM »

Alcoholism- As a Marmarran Bourgeoisie, Mila naturally grew up in a wine-laden environment, and with the variety of alcoholic beverages available in the wide-reaching Santharian Kingdom, her addiction to drink has never fully subsided.

Quibble Alert

There is no Bourgeoisie in Caelereth, as that is a French economic expression. That's okay though, even Leo Tolstoy might have lapsed a bit if he were part of this site. Good luck, and a speedy approval to you ;)
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Alexandre Scriabin CD
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« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2009, 01:54:06 PM »

Alexandre, strictly speaking, bourgeoisie could not then be used today, since it refers specifically to a social class in medieval France. It's a valid word if we can use it outside of that context. The use that Mila is making of it here is probably more closely related to the original than the sense it's used into today. Quibble: Defused.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2009, 01:54:17 PM by Valan » Logged

Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2009, 09:03:01 PM »

@Valan: Edits Made. Toned down the powers, removed the familiar (didnt really like Yarash that much) and specified/elaborated on the things suggested.

@Alexandre:

Quote
the bourgeoisie comes from the middle or merchant classes of the Middle Ages, whose status or power came from employment, education, and wealth, as distinguished from those whose power came from being born into an aristocratic family of land owners

Thats the first definition I found of 'bourgeoisie', and it seems perfectly congruent with what I was looking for. I understand the Marxist connotations dont fit with Sarvonia, but thats an alternate meaning altogether.

More Comments Greatly Appreciated!
« Last Edit: August 13, 2009, 10:00:17 PM by Mila Metariel » Logged

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« Reply #6 on: August 14, 2009, 11:37:57 PM »

Bump, Bump, Bump....
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« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2009, 11:41:38 PM »

You should know the rules. Please don't bump unless it has been at least 3 days from the last comment. Helps to eliminate stress on the Mods part, and keeps you from annoying them too much to ignore you.
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« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2009, 11:11:28 PM »

I ask for more commentary now though, right? Since the time has elapsed?
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« Reply #9 on: August 17, 2009, 06:58:54 AM »

Hi Mila, I'm here to give you a few comments. Suggestions/Comments in lime green.

Mila Metariel

Name: Mila Metariel
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Race: Human
Tribe: Zhunite (Marmarran)
Occupation: Bodyguard, Enkyklopadiëc and Exchange Lecturer at Ximax
Title: The Sizzling Sanrier

Appearance

Height: One ped and two fores
Weight: One Pygge and a heb
Eye Colour: Light Brown
Hair Colour: Fiery Red (Natural Black)

Physical Appearence

As I think this needs 'is' in here typical of a Marmarran, Mila’s appearance is characterised by her arrogance. Possessing a tall, slender frame with something of a boyish build, the constantly raised spine of the woman only heightens her perception of power. With harshly chiselled features and high cheekbones, Mila’s expression conveys adequately her sense of ruthlessness, mixing a seeming apathy with a startling air of determination. Her skin, unusually for the pasty Marmarrans, holds a healthy bronze tone due to the vast amounts of time she spends outdoors with assignments from the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica, and heightens her odd sense of cruel beauty.

Mila’s prized possession, her fiery red locks, have become her trademark amongst those who have met her, a symbol of the tempestuousness that lays under her skin, both the hue of her hair and her temperament earning her the nickname ‘Lady Inferno’ within the walls of the Pyrunai Institute. The hair, which is particularly thick and straight in most places with a slight wave, is usually kept cut at a length half way  down the woman's back, though it is often seen flailing wildly at the mercy of the elements. In juxtaposition with her aggressive hair, her dull, soft brown eyes seem to contradict the rest of her aggressive demeanour, allowing a small window into what shreds of innocence and sweetness the domineering personality may have left. Mila also has particularly long limbs and digits, giving her a slightly spindly appearance despite having quite a muscular tone due to her physically demanding profession and blood-laden diet.

The only additional comment I'd make here is to consider restating her height/weight in the paragraph bit of her appearance.

Clothing

As a Marmarran of considerable wealth and affluence, extravagance is the general theme of Mila’s dress sense. Adopting the common colours of Marmarra (Blacks, Reds and rich Purples) please consider using small letters for blacks, reds and purples) along with other lesser used hues (such as creams and green), it is rare to see Mila out of her corsets, a staple of South Nybelmarian fashion, with the woman often wearing frivolously unnecessary head dresses, eye masks or visors, echoing the Aesteran Rezar. This last sentence of yours had almost sixty words in it. Please try to split it up into smaller ones.

Below the waist,as a continuing compliment to the Krean/Zhunite inspired corset oufit, Mila tends to wear a floor-length underdress, creating a seamless flow of fabric from the bottom of her corset to the ground. While these underdresses come in a whole manner of rich and exciting colours, they are usually crafted from Tarshiinite Silk or the fabric's nearest competitor, Gondolsilk (similar to toccon). However, in more demanding situations (such as travelling long distances on foot) Mila is known to adopt a more practical attire, with Miarzan leather thigh boots and light cotton shorts.

Nothing, it seems, is more alluring to Mila than the shimmer of silver, as whenever she gets the chance she tends to decorate herself with a wide range of bracelets, anklets, necklaces, rings and brooches. And though most of her jewellery collection consists of silver pieces, all the rage in Zhun, one small bloodstone ring (with the gem cut into the shape of a teardrop) sits upon her left hand with enormous sentimental importance, her mark as an official member of the Pyrunai Institute and her badge of office as a Sanrier.

Mila is known, too, for her freakishly vibrant attitude towards cosmetics, and though few are available to her taste in Santharia, she is rarely seen without a banner of colour across her eyes cast out of powdered shadow, often matching the colour of her generally well co-ordinated outfit. Also, despite the constant variation in the colour of her clothes, the long nails of the Marmarran lady are painted a vivacious scarlet, reminiscent of blood- a fitting tribute to a disciple of Blood Magic.

Not too much to comment on here, I don't think.

Personality

Mila, first and foremost, is a very determined woman. Born into a wealthy household, she became quickly accustomed to getting her own way, and while not necessarily greedy or ungrateful, Mila did never manage to accept that the things she wanted couldn’t be hers. It was, for instance, her determination to study Blood Magic as opposed to entering her family’s perfume trade that caused her life to take such a very different course.

In addition to her demanding determination, Mila is undoubtedly ruthless if the circumstances warrant it. Having a very relative sense of priority, Mila would happily allow others to come to harm if it would benefit her own aims. Though this seems initially like a very harsh viewpoint to take, in most instances this trait surfaces itself as rationality, the woman understanding that sacrifices may need to be made in certain circumstances for the ‘greater good’- though accepting a Marmarran’s definition of ‘good’ is a very unadvisable business. 

More so than both her ruthlessness and determination, Mila is known for her deceptively ferocious temper. While managing to remain relatively level –headed in most situations, if someone finds a way to irritate Mila sufficiently it will be their head that rolls. There was, after all, the unfortunate incident concerned a Gondolwain Ship-loader who drowned in the harbour after insulting Mila’s Marmarran heritage.

Like any Marmarran, Mila is something of a xenophobe, and while struggling to embrace her Nybelmarian brethren outside of the City of Witches fully, Mila’s criticism of Sarvonian individuals is something of an excessive habit. While she usually uses the tact to insult foreigners in an unfamiliar language, slips of the tongue can cause a whole manner of problems.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths

Pragmatism and Level-headedness- Mila, when able to keep her cool, has superb assessment skills and is able to formulate plans very quickly in stressful situations, making her an asset in a crisis.

Knowledge of Blood Magic- Her extensive studies at the Pyrunai institute have endowed Mila with superhuman capacities that make a number of violent and tranquil situations remarkably easy to deal with.

Flirtatiousness- when not consumed by her xenophobic arrogance, Mila is able to use her charm and allure to her own benefit, and is, as many men and women will agree, very persuasive.

Independence- Due to the considerable grants and bursaries offered by Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica, as well as Mila’s tendency not to trust and thus rely on others, the Marmarran is blissfully independent and often leaves few ties behind her, except those bound to her only contact on the continent- Decipher Ziron.

You mentioned Throatblades down below in weapons ... it reads as though she has skill in them, so I think that they should be included up here as well, Mila.

Weaknesses

Violent Zeal- When angered Mila’s eruptions of rage can often cloud her thought, malice taking over her usual rational mindset. Her temper definitely presents a problem when combined with her magically enhanced physique, fits of anger often leaving visible destruction in their wake.

Xenophobic Foreigner- Though her Tharian is impeccable, Mila’s cluelessness when it comes to Sarvonian customs or even the proper way to address other people can land her in trouble, her undertone of Marmarran arrogance doing little to aid the situation. Furthermore, despite her handful of Nybelmarian acquaintances abroad, Mila has very few people she can turn to for help, meaning when she falls on hard times, she must deal with them herself.

Ignorance of Geography- Despite knowing Nybelmar like the back of her hand, Mila has been given a whole number of inaccurate articles concerning the navigation of Sarvonia, meaning she is often reliant on the knowledge of others on which directions to travel in, making independent travel very difficult. In instances where she can be misled, it is very catastrophic for Mila to travel long distances with people who may have ulterior motives, being lost in a foreign land causing enough impediments as it is

‘The Thirst’- Due to her overzealous attitude towards Blood Magic, Mila has developed ‘The Thirst’. As a result she requires substantial quantities of blood to function effectively, a blood-starved Mila performing magic being out of the question completely. The amount of blood consumed varies every so often, depending on how much strain her magical indulgences have placed on her body, aggravating the affliction. Usually, however, she requires around a wine glass of fresh blood daily, making her trips to slaughterhouses very common ones. Human blood would satiate the thirst for up to five days, but this is a rare commodity, at least without asking.

Alcoholism- As a Marmarran Bourgeoisie, Mila naturally grew up in a wine-laden environment, and with the variety of alcoholic beverages available in the wide-reaching Santharian Kingdom, her addiction to drink has never fully subsided.

I think even with including the throatblades as a strength, you will remain balanced.

Magic

Graduate Sanrier (1 Key Skills, 2 Feats, 1 Disadvantage)

Key Skills

Advanced Internal Flow Control

Mila has studied internal Sanryu flow to an amazingly specific degree at the Institute and as a result is very adept in controlling her own Sanryu, making her able to enhance her own physical abilities in a number of ways.


Feats

Sharpened Senses

By manipulating her Sanryu and focusing on the capacities of her eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin, allowing her amazing levels of perception. However she is not able to concentrate on all senses at once, only one at a time. She is able to see approximately a league in the distance during the day or normal distances in darker conditions. She can also hear the slightest whisper in a crowded room or discern and recognise an odour like a bloodhound. The uses of her other enhanced senses are few and far between, however, I think you are missing a word here, my suggestion is 'with' Mila lacking the famed ability to taste the sweat of an agitated man leagues away or feel the slightest changes in the air, twitching when a butterfly flutters into the room. Each of her sensory enhancements can only least for around ten minutes before she collapses from exhaustion.

Extreme Reflexes and Agility

By focusing her own Sanryu onto her muscles and joints Mila is able to move at remarkable speed, a skill useful in her often violent occupation as a bodyguard. Her ability to move with incredible pace with considerable levels of endurance make her perfect in pursuits or retreats, assuming her target/pursuer are not equally as quick. Many say Mila is in fact so quick you do not know she has unsheathed her blade until it has been stained with blood, the foe already fallen, though this is a far-fetched exaggeration. In close-quarters combat, Mila's ability to swing a blade with abhuman dexterity can only last for around six minutes, reaching the recommended ten minutes leaving the woman feeling extremely fatigued.

Disadvantage

The Thirst

Due to continuous absorption of Sanryu through blood, Mila is preyed upon by the worst affliction known to Sanriers, The Thirst. The Thirst entails that her body requires unnaturally high levels of Sanryu to function normally and is a constantly worsening condition. As a result the woman needs to drink blood, animal as a substitute for that of human, in order to survive, though her condition is rarely unmanageable.

History

Born to an affluent perfume Merchant and his less than faithful wife in the Inner Ring of Marmarra, there was little Mila wanted for as a child. Her father, a man concerned primarily with accumulating wealth and doing little other than finding ways of expressing this to the general public, was rarely present in her life due to his various gold-making ventures, but he would never miss the chance to display his financial superiority. As such, from a spectacularly young age, Mila was little more than her father's showcase, providing her with a luxurious lifestyle under the condition she matured into an impressive addition to his prized collection.

However, with the absence of her father throughout most of her childhood and the largely female staff of servants that attended the Metariel Household, Mila developed a strong perception of strong and independent women, gaining something of a disdain for men, who looking to her father and his associates appeared to be men of shallow ambitions and concerns. It was with this obsession with powerful women that sparked her infatuation with the Witch Queens of Marmarra, particularly the second Witch Queen, Dilara the Bloody. Stemming from her obsession with Dilara, Mila took up the somewhat violent sport invented by the Witch Queen, 'Tempest Blades', a practice involving stilettos or Zhunite Throatblades to hone the skills of Thorns before their ascension to the post of Witch Queen. As a result, at age eleven, Mila was a proficient and dangerous swordswoman, though she had no idea that such skills would relevant to her later life.

As her interest with the long dead Queen Dilara faded, her sense of idolisation was revived by the red-headed Pyrunite Yarashina Uhaliiana, a senior Sanrier the current reigning champion within the 'Tempest Blades' Tournaments of Marmarra, the victor sadly only being affirmed by the demise of the loser. Such was her adulation that Mila began to model herself on the woman, making the ultimate decision at age 16 to enroll within the Pyrunai Institute.

After 5 years study as a relatively mediocre student of the institute, Mila continued further her emulation of Yarashina into the world of competitive swordfighting. However, only six months after entering at a professional level, with a number of Blood Magic ploys making the fights pass with ease, Mila was scouted by the Marmarran Decipher Ziron to serve in the combat wing of the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica, a group of bodyguards and warriors that were a grim neccesity on scholarly expeditions into dangerous territories.

After a handful of assignments accompanying parties including the more well-known scholars Miraran Tehuriden and Decipher Ziron into the treacherous Germon Doilth Peaks and the equally terrifying Venlaken Enclave and Inami Wastes, Mila's capacity as a combatant was eventually recognised, the Enkyklopadië assigning her to be Master Ziron's sole bodyguard.

As such, with the everpresent inter-continental travels undertaken by Decipher, Mila is often kept in tow, pulled from realm to realm in order to keep the scholar, and more importantly the information he gathers, safe and sound. Due to the introductions made by Decipher and more so by his accquantaince Coren Frozenzephyr, Mila and her affinity for Blood Magic are of great interest to Ximax, the academy often inviting her for lectures when students are prescribed a more culminative viewpoint on the Caelerethian arcane. This semi-official post as a 'Foreign Witch' has conjured her considerable renown within Ximax and Xaramon as a whole, though in most other areas she is simply another exotic face lost in Decipher Ziron's entourage.

This reads well to me, Mila

Weapons

As a bodyguard you may expect Mila to be armed to the teeth, though due to the rare instances of trouble that are spotted on the calmer Sarvonia she has taken to carrying only her dual Throatblades, a Zhunite weapon similar to a shortsword with about half the blade width, and a Miraje finger blade. When these, however, are combined with her incredible agility and perception, they generally more than suffice.

The Throatblades themselves measure approximately two fores and two palmspans in length, though only around six nailsbreadths in width. Due to Mila's unusual abilities, her fighting style is considerably unique. Despite her quickness and perception, many opponents are far stronger than Mila, and as such the woman tends to end bouts as quickly as possible. Though her experience in 'Tempest Blades' has taught her the importance of a quick, clean kill, it is more common that Mila take advantage of her agility and cause a disarming wound to an enemy (such as her favourite, cutting the tendon above the heel), ending the fight with a few blinks of its beginning.

Belongings

Besides her extensive wardrobe, Mila carries with her various bottles of perfume, a never-depleting bottle of White Zhuinite Geranium Rose Wine, a conspicously large bottle of Lukrinam Venom, a horribly inaccurate map of the Santharian Kingdom and an equally misleading set of papers on the customs of Sarvonia (the latter two provided in good faith by the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica). The map, for instance, neglects to include three large forests and the Tandala Highlands, amongst a whole manner of other cartographical inconsistencies.

Not too much for me to comment on for you Mila. I like the CD and I hope you get a speedy approval.
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« Reply #10 on: August 17, 2009, 02:44:11 PM »

Greatly appreciated Dek!

According Edits made!

 grin
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« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2009, 03:25:30 AM »

Bump Bump Bump
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2009, 07:17:35 AM »

Btw way, Deci. There is a thread to provide us a link and a notice of your CD instead of littering your own thread and making it more complicated for the moderators...and much less annoying.
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« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2009, 02:59:30 PM »

Mila Metariel


Name: Mila Metariel
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Race: Human
Tribe: Zhunite (Marmarran)
Occupation: Bodyguard, Enkyklopadiëc and Exchange Lecturer at Ximax
Title: The Sizzling Sanrier



Appearance

Height: One ped and two fores
Weight: One pygge and a heb
Eye Colour: Light Brown
Hair Colour: Fiery Red (Natural Black)

Physical Appearence

As is typical of a Marmarran, Mila’s appearance is characterised by her arrogance. Possessing a tall, slender frame with something of a boyish build, most of her one pygge in weight being held in an oddly masculine muscle tone<period> The constantly raised spine of the woman only heightens her perception of power and her ped of height embellishes her gait immeasurably. With harshly chiselled features and high cheekbones, Mila’s expression adequately conveys her sense of ruthlessness, mixing a seeming (missing a word here) apathy with a startling air of determination. Her skin, unusually for the pasty Marmarrans, holds a healthy bronze tone due to the vast amounts of time she spends outdoors with assignments from the Enkyklopadië Nybelmarnica, and heightens her odd sense of cruel beauty.

Mila’s prized possession, her fiery red locks, have become her trademark amongst those who have met her; a symbol of the tempestuousness which lays under her skin, both the hue of her hair and her temperament earning her the nickname ‘Lady Inferno’ within the walls of the Pyrunai Institute. The hair, which is particularly thick and straight in most places with a slight wave, is usually kept cut at a length half way(remove extra space) down the woman's back, though it is often seen flailing wildly at the mercy of the elements. In juxtaposition with her aggressive hair, her dull, soft brown eyes seem to contradict the rest of her aggressive demeanour, allowing a small window into what shreds of innocence and sweetness the domineering personality may have left. Mila also has particularly long limbs and digits, giving her a slightly spindly appearance despite having quite a muscular build due to her physically demanding profession and blood-laden diet.

Good content.

Be careful when typing. You are leaving out words, extending sentences farther than need to be, and putting words in a funky order. This will go for your whole CD; do a thorough read over and make sure it makes sense grammatically.

Clothing

As a Marmarran of considerable wealth and affluence, extravagance is the general theme of Mila’s dress sense. Adopting the common colours of Marmarra (blacks, reds and rich purples) along with other lesser used hues (such as creams and green),<- Try to find a way to integrate the colours into the description. Parenthesis are discouraged. it is rare to see Mila out of her corsets, a staple of South Nybelmarian fashion, with the woman often wearing frivolously unnecessary head dresses, eye masks or visors, echoing the Aesteran Rezar. Please find a way to break up this massively long sentence. Probably a pause before you go on to explain the South Nybelmarian fashion.

Below the waist,<-no comma (space)as a continuing compliment to the Krean/Zhunite inspired corset outfit, Mila tends to wear a floor-length underdress, creating a seamless flow of fabric from the bottom of her corset to the ground. While these underdresses come in a whole array of rich and exciting colours, they are usually crafted from Tarshiinite Silk or the fabric's nearest competitor, Gondolsilk (similar to toccon)<-Again with the parenthesis. However, in more demanding situations (such as travelling long distances on foot)<-Again with the parenthesis Mila is known to adopt a more practical attire, with Miarzan leather thigh boots and light cotton shorts.

It seems there is nothing more alluring to Mila than the shimmer of silver<period> Whenever she gets the chance<comma> she tends to decorate herself with a wide range of bracelets, anklets, necklaces, rings and brooches. And though most of her jewellery collection consists of silver pieces, all the rage in Zhun, one small bloodstone ring (with the gem cut into the shape of a teardrop)<-Again with the parenthesis sits upon her left hand with enormous sentimental importance<period> It marks her as an official member of the Pyrunai Institute and is her badge of office as a Sanrier.

Mila is known, too, for her freakishly vibrant attitude towards cosmetics as well,<-no comma and though few are available to her taste in Santharia<period> She is rarely seen without a banner of colour, cast out of powdered shadow, across her eyes which often matches the colour of her generally well co-ordinated outfit. Also, despite the constant variation in the colour of her clothes, the long nails of the Marmarran lady are painted a vivacious scarlet, reminiscent of blood- a fitting tribute to a disciple of Blood Magic.

Well done. Be careful with your run-on sentences and excess words or tenses.

Personality

First and foremost, Mila is a very determined woman. Born into a wealthy household, she quickly became accustomed to getting her own way, and while not necessarily greedy or ungrateful, Mila never did manage to accept that the things she wanted couldn’t be hers. For instance, it was her determination to study Blood Magic as opposed to entering her family’s perfume trade which caused her life to take such a very different course.

In addition to her demanding determination, Mila is undoubtedly ruthless if the circumstances warrant it. Having a very relative sense of priority, Mila would happily allow others to come to harm if it would benefit her own aims. Though this initially seems like a very harsh viewpoint to take, in most instances this trait surfaces itself as rationality<period> The woman understanding that sacrifices may need to be made in certain circumstances for the ‘greater good’- though accepting a Marmarran’s definition of ‘good’ is a very inadvisable business. 

More so than both her ruthlessness and determination, Mila is known for her deceptively ferocious temper. While managing to remain relatively level-headed in most situations, if someone finds a way to irritate Mila sufficiently<comma> it will be their head that rolls. After all, there was the unfortunate incident concerning a Gondolwain Ship-loader who drowned in the harbour after insulting Mila’s Marmarran heritage.

Like any Marmarran, Mila is something of a xenophobe, and while struggling to embrace her Nybelmarian brethren outside of the City of Witches fully, Mila’s criticism of Sarvonian individuals is something of an excessive habit. While she usually uses the tact to insult foreigners in an unfamiliar language, slips of the tongue can cause a whole manner of problems.

Ok, I got this far before I began to get tired of pointing out the same things over and over again. So, I think you have the general idea of the points I am picking up to go through and fix them yourself through the rest of the CD, grammatically at least. Be careful of your modifiers, missing words, the order of words, run-ons, and spelling. Since it is happening so often in your CD, the concern is it happening in posts which can cause confusion, so better to address now than later. Other than that, I think you are pretty much good for approvals.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
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« Reply #14 on: August 22, 2009, 10:11:52 PM »

Thanks Kalina  grin

I scanned the rest of the text for more odd syntax and brackets etc. and think I rooted all of it out.

Greatly Appreciated!
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