Shomgar/ Zirghurim Dwarf/ Acrobat/Entertainer

[Shomgar]

Name: Shomgar   

Gender: Male   

Age: 114   

Race: Dwarf   

Tribe: Zirghurim   

Occupation: Acrobatic/Entertainer   

Title: The Flying Stone   

Overview: Shomgar is a humorous dwarf; being a dwarf acrobat raised by a troop of entertainers, a very rare oddity. He always has a toothy smile on his face and wishes for those around him to smile too. Shomgar is not his given name but an odd name chosen by Shomgar himself, his true name has been forgotten.   

Height: 1 ped and 1 fore   

Weight: 1 pygge, 4 heb and 3 od   

Hair Color: Teki red   

Eye Colour: Allia hinted Ithild   

Physical Appearance: Shomgar is a well muscled dwarf living an active life, there is little trace of fat on his body lacking even the slightest hint of the traditional dwarven belly. Shomgar shares the ripe skin color of his brethren. His cheeks appear as bloated peaches, his constantly smiling face does not help to dull the shine of his puffed cheeks. His nose is smaller then the average Zirghurim dwarf’s, being narrower and less puffy.

Shomgar ritualistically dyes his hair Teki red to add to his humorous appearance. His long, wavy hair is braided into a multitude of braids each approximately two nailsbreadth in diameter. These braids reach down to the dwarf’s buttocks. Shomgar’s beard is kept the same way as his hair, Teki red and many braids. His beard reaches half past his broad chest and covers the entirety of his cheeks and everything below his nose. Shomgar’s arms and legs are well defined by peachy skin stretched over slightly bulging muscles.

Shomgar’s back and chest are nearly as hairy as his face, he has also dyed this hair to keep it consistent with his face and head when he performs shirtless. Though it would be humorous, he does not braid this hair as it would be quite painful.

At a glance Shomgar might look like any other dwarf, though an oddly dressed one. Look closely however and you will pick out the differences of his upbringing and life style. Shomgar’s movement flows, from head to toe he moves in rhythm, though not exactly like the rolling gait of a sailor used to the movement of a boat beneath him, Shomgar’s movement is different. His body is relaxed, but ready, ready to make a slight change in speed and perform say, a handspring or flip. Shomgar stands tall, not slouching, every muscle in his body an exercised tool that when need be, is ready to perform.

Clothing: When in the warmer climates Shomgar wears a sleeveless shirt of thin cotton that is vertically striped Waterberry blue and Injohue. His pants are made of a similar material widening at the bottom of the legs making them baggy near the feet. His pants are horizontally striped the same colors as his shirt making for an absurd and eye-popping appearance. On his feet, when he wears something on them, he wears soft deer leather sandals that have been individually dyed, one Waterberry blue the other Injohue.

In the colder climates, and for certain performances, Shromgar will wear a separate clothing type consisting of a long sleeve soft white cotton shirt, over which he wears a wolf fur coat that has been dyed Sor’Inyt orange, a pair of wolf fur pants that are dyed Nor’sidian black and a pair of thick of Wolf leather boots individually dyed one Nor’sidian the other Sor’Inyt.   

Personality: Shomgar has a humorous disposition, always laughing, he makes it his personal mission to make others do the same and accomplishing this task fills him with unbridled pride. Having grown up in a tight nit group of acrobatics always with a dog companion, Shomgar is very trusting in people and animals seeing them as near equals. Few things anger Shomgar amongst them is the cruel treatment of both animals and other people, though he is not aggressive he would gladly put him self in the way of an abusive person and thump them around a bit.

But Shomgar’s sunny personality has had its downfalls. Shomgar is an overly trusting person, his trust is easy to earn, and when broken he will quite often just pretend it never happened and move on. Shomgar’s trust is not his greatest downfall however, Shomgar is an addicted dicer, dicing is nearly irresistible to him, he has described the pull of dice to things like the pull of sinking in water with boulders tied to your feet, or his personal favorite, the feeling of being dragged by his hair by a group of trolls. Gambling would of course not be complete without a minor “taste” for alcoholic beverages, which Shomgar so loves to indulge in.

Being of a long lived people he is often sad at the loss of a friend who he had known for years, such friends include the many animal companions he has had in his life and all of those who originally adopted him into their family. Shomgar is a curious person, this originating with the question of who his parents truly were; he has always had a secluded part of his mind that wanted to know everything.   

Strengths & Weaknesses   

Strengths:   
1.   Acrobatics: As an acrobat Shomgar is quite agile and flexible allowing him to bend in astonishing ways. Shomgar is an accomplished climber and is able to jump astonishing heights for a dwarf.
2.   Quarterstaff: Shomgar is very proficient with his specialized quarterstaff, having diligently trained in its use for nearly a century.
3.   Amicable: Shomgar is easy to get along with, he’s a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. His trust is easily earned, and he avoids confrontation when possible. His smile is usually infectious and he finds it easy to make people laugh.
4.   Dogs: Having grown up with a dog, and never had a period of his life without a canine companion Shomgar has a way with all animals of the canine persuasion; he is capable of breeding, training, and selling (with some skill) most canids. Shomgar is accompanied by three Kardion hounds, one adult male, one adult female, and one male pup. Also as a little contingency plan Shomgar always carries a small bag of dog biscuits, a special recipe he learned from his family days.

Weaknesses:
1.   Trust: Having known little of the cruelty of the world throughout his life Shomgar is trusting to a fault No matter the disposition or rumors/reputation of a person he will be friendly. This way of acting can of course get one in trouble with certain people real fast.
2.   Misunderstood: Shomgar is often mistaken for being slow or stupid because of the way he picks and chooses his words with touchy subjects. He tries to avoid conflict, speaking slowly and with words he carefully chooses, this usually happens after someone recently caught him looking around in a bag or chest that belonged to them.
3.   Curiosity: Shomgar is a naturally curious person, and he will quite often unknowingly and knowingly dive headfirst into trouble just to figure something out, no matter how minuscule.  Shomgar’s curiosity is sometimes mistaken for sheer nosiness, like that of a thief or in some paranoid minds someone digging for dirt (blackmail).
4.   Gambling: To Shomgar’s shame he is as he puts it, an “avid” gambler, but the truth is, he is addicted, when Shomgar here’s the rattle of dice he feels like he’s being pulled by the hair by a dozen trolls. The worst part of Shomgar’s shameful addiction is the fact that he quite obviously stinks, though hard to believe with games as random as dicing Shomgar tends to lose, a lot. Quite often losing most of his earnings the very night he gets them to the locals in the tavern. Thus Shomgar quite often travels with an empty purse, and an empty stomach.
5.   Alcohol: Though by no means an alcoholic, Shomgar has a taste for alcohol, and will, when he has none, buy it even if it’s extremely overpriced.

History:   
Shomgar was born to a mother and father he never knew; his parents had been on a Stormcloak trading vessel bound for the lands of Kanapa. One night there was a horrible storm that through the ship off course and a number of the crew, including the captain, overboard. Not knowing what to do the remainder of the crew steered the ship toward a barely visible stretch of land. When the ship landed they were, unbeknownst to them, in Kanapa roughly half way between Isthrius and Kurstir.

The night after the ship had landed, while what was left of the crew and passengers were debating on what to do, they were attacked by a group of bandits. During the ensuing battle/slaughter, an injured guard who had fallen saw the year old Shomgar lying in the sand next to his dead mother, quickly glancing over his shoulder to check for bandits the guard picked up the baby and ran away from the shore and ship as fast as his feet would take him.

It was the following morning that Shomgar was found in the arms of the guard, who was lying against a tree barely living, by Forick his wife Julia and their small group of traveling entertainers. Forick rushed to the guard asking him what had happened, instead of answering the guard pushed Shomgar into Forick’s arms, sighed, and succumbed to his wounds. Forick looked at the baby, looked up beginning to ask why, but he stopped noticing the guards eyes were glazed over by death.

Twenty eight year old Forick and twenty six year old Julia, knowing nothing better to do, took the child as their own, giving him no name after the way of the troop they led, but instead just calling him son. Forick’s troop was a group of entertainers, each person had their own special skill that contributed to the group while they traveled Sarvonia entertaining the populace and making a living.

One peculiarity of the troops was the raising of Kardion hounds and the pairing of every pup to a person of the troop, every person in the troop had at least one dog that they were partnered with. So as the newest addition to the troop Shomgar was no exception. Thus it was that as soon as a new litter was born Shomgar was paired with a multi shaded pup which his new parents named Neeva for him, seeing as how it would be years before he could name the animal for himself and Neeva needed to be trained.

Nothing important happened for many years of Shomgar’s life leading to the passing away of Neeva which was inevitable, Neeva died shortly after Shomgar’s eleventh birthday, which due to the fact that his true birthday was unknown the day he was found was substituted for his birthday.

About a half a year after Neeva’s death Shomgar was given a new pup, the first pup he was tasked with raising and naming. Shomgar chose the name Dreker for the darkly colored pup. Shomgar spent the next five years of his life going by the name son, and devoting his days only to Dreker.

On his sixteenth birthday a large party was thrown for Shomgar because it was the day that he would choose his name and his profession in the troop and begin training in the use of a quarterstaff which every member of the troop was capable of using for defense and entertainment. Thus Shomgar delved his mind for a name he felt would suit an entertainer coming to the name Shomgar after about half an hour of deliberation. He quickly decided on acrobatics as it was the acrobats who awed him the most when he viewed his ‘family’ at work.

Now Shomgar was an oddity, even in the group, being a dwarf at age sixteen made him a mere child by the standards of his people, but the people he was now a part of would consider him an adult, if a short one. It was at this point that Shomgar began to braid his hair and dye it Teki red instead of the golden yellow it originally was.

As the years passed and Shomgar learned from the other acrobats he lost much of his chunkiness that would be attributed to being a dwarf and his muscles began to bulk out. His training with a quarterstaff did not go well for quite some time, being a bit too small to comfortably handle a quarterstaff, and feeling the Halfling quarterstaff was too flimsy, he broke multiple bones in his training as can be expected when fighting with hard wood objects.

It was his twentieth year; Dreker was closing in on his final days after living a good life as a close loved companion of Shomgar. The troop was near Thyslan, and Shomgar had recently broken his arm and thus it was still in a sling, while watching his family perform, mildly irritated because it would have been his first performance, a man near him asked how he had broken his arm. Shomgar being a trusting person instantly broke into the story, adding some embellishments to get the man to laugh, which succeeded.

The man was silent for a while after the story was complete, a thoughtful look on his face as he watched the show. After the show the man departed and Shomgar rejoined his family to help them set up their tents, they planned on performing the next day because of the turnout that day. The next morning the man showed up with a bundle of new quarterstaffs that Forick had paid for the day before, Forick thanked the man, and then inspecting the craftsmanship he noticed one at the center of the bundle.

Amongst all the other staffs was one that was shorter then the others being slightly taller than Shomgar and slightly thinner than a regular quarterstaff, it was made of black birch, a very strong and hardy wood. When Forick asked about the odd staff the man answered saying it was for the stocky man with the broken arm, a gift for the great show and amusing story he had told. Forick thanked the man and said he could attend any shows there-after free of charge for such a generous gift.

It was also during this year that Shomgar was taught, by his mother Julia, the method of making the dog biscuits that the troop used, a special recipe that had been passed down from her and those of her generation’s great grand parents, who originally made the biscuits. The recipe is a mixture of vegetables that promote good health in the hounds, wheat to give them shape and texture (similar to that of bread) and a spice mixture that provides for the taste that makes them a treat for the dogs.

Later that same year after his arm had healed; Shomgar’s curiosity got the best of him for the first time and never truly receded after that day. His adopted parents told him to go play and stay out of their tent, now being immature for a dwarf and having been raised by humans, in addition to the natural curiosity of being human raised he couldn’t resist the urge to find out what his parents were doing. Now this part of the story is adult and graphic so it will be omitted from Shomgar’s history, just know he did not get a very pleasant surprise and he regretted the intrusion for many months later, if not for the rest of his adolescence and even beyond.

It was Shomgar’s thirty-third year; his current hound’s name was Gelina, a beautiful gray colored hound who was capable of doing an array of tricks to accompany Shomgar’s stunts. The troop was in the vicinity of Nyermersys and Shomgar convinced his parents to allow him to visit the nearest tavern, something he lived to regret. For it was in this tavern that he first gambled and became addicted to dicing. He lost all of his money gambling and on drink, it did not help to ease his mind that this was also his first time completely intoxicating himself and getting his minor addiction to alcohol.

When he returned to the tents and told his story his parents were furious, and he was punished severely. However because of his miserable state the next day they took it easy on him and cared for him till he felt better, which took a while.

It was a few decades later, Shomgar was fifty-six, still quite young for a dwarf an adolescent by their standards, but age for humans is not the same way. His adoptive father was seventy-six and dying, his mother was seventy-four and in little better condition especially because of her husbands condition. Shomgar’s hound Anla was twelve and dying as well. Altogether it amounted to Shomgar’s worst year and most horrible memories. Though at this age with his constant training he was a quite capable quarterstaff wielder, and a spectacular acrobat, and his skill with dogs was like every other member of the troop’s skill, spectacular.

Halfway through the year Forick called for his adopted son, and told him he would die very soon, he could feel the end coming, this announcement made the young Shomgar weep. Forick told Shomgar he would lead the troop for as long as he wished whether it be till he himself died and passed on the honor or when he wished to leave. His father a dying man, tried to comfort his grieving child though they held no blood bond, the bond from the long years was strong, made stronger by the fact that Shomgar was still an adolescent a child by dwarf standards. The next day Forick passed away.

Shomgar spent the next week with his mother whose health was quickly deteriorating after the death of her beloved husband, he did his best to comfort her and keep her alive, but she soon passed on as well, leaving Shomgar and the troop members of the same age as the oldest members as all their parents had recently passed. A month later Anla died as well, completing Shomgar misery.

Shomgar felt the loss so heavily that he left one of his adoptive cousins to lead the troop while he mourned. Shomgar broke the tradition he had upheld for more then fifty years of his life and did not take a new pup for more than five years wishing to prolong the time before he would feel the pain of loss again. However after little more then seven years Shomgar rejoined his cousins of the troop with renewed vigor almost as if nothing had happened and continued to live his life as before always training to entertain others.

For the years after his rejoining of the group he held and still holds the two bags his mother made him when he was around thirty-seven, and the flask his father used in his youth, a bright orange thing made of leather and of average size, as the most precious of his possessions. It was also during this time that he acquired his assorted sets of dice that he carries with him everywhere for gambling.

In his eighty-seventh year the last of the troop that he considered brothers, sisters and cousins passed away leaving only the younger generations, though some of these ‘younger’ people were still old by human standards. Shomgar was finally beginning to feel more like an adult as he was reaching maturity for a dwarf, though he did not know it. However unbeknownst to him he would always be viewed as an oddity by other dwarves as he would never go through the dwarfish rights of passage.

In the next few decades leading to his separation from the troop that he obtained the clothing that he possesses to this day, his winter outfit was a gift from one he considered a nephew, who felt that his uncle deserved a more entertaining fur grab then the drab brown wool he was wearing. His lighter clothing he had made himself by a seamstress in Valdor.

It was Shomgar’s one hundred and tenth year, another generation had passed away, and he was beginning to feel more detached from the members of the troop, seeing as he was 2 or three human generations older then the eldest of the troop members. It was thus that he passed leadership to Nayena, the daughter of the nephew who had bestowed Shomgar with his winter garb and left the troop with his two Kardion pups Grock and Sentha.

During Shomgar’s one hundred and thirteenth year he fell victim to his trusting nature and had all of his money stolen from him in the middle of the night by a traveling companion, he passed it off has ill luck and moved on not disappointed. Later that year Sentha gave birth to four young pups, one of which died shortly there after, and another who lived only a month. The other two lived, one Shomgar named Benk and the other he named Weck, a few months later Shomgar sold Weck to a breeder but kept Benk as his own to train.

Shomgar has continued to wander Sarvonia with no other goal then to enjoy himself, live and to entertain others.

Weapons:   A Quarterstaff-Halfling Quarterstaff mixture made of black birch, it is smaller then a quarterstaff but thicker then a Halfling quarter staff providing for excellent balance for Shomgar. He wields his quarterstaff defensively his style consisting particularly of parries and counterattacks that wear his opponents down before he can flee, peacefully end the fight, or deliver a temporarily debilitating blow. Though his style is non-aggressive he is capable of delivering a killing blow if he must. This weapon is also used as a prop in some of Shomgar’s acts, such things as balancing atop it and performing his usual tricks while dazzling the crowd with a spinning object. However these things do not affect his fighting style, when he must fight Shomgar gets straight down to the nitty-gritty and ends the confrontation as soon as possible.

Belongings: Quarterstaff, clothing, a rainbow hued cotton bag with secret pockets inside made by his adoptive mother to carry his belongings, a smaller bag of similar design carrying dog biscuits of his family troops special formula, assorted dice, money, and a leather flask dyed Sor’Inyt orange that usually contains brandy.  

Familiars:
Three Kardion hounds, one primarily Nor’sidian adult male with snow colored feet named Grock, Grock is exactly one ped in length from head to tail, weighing three heb and eight od, standing one fore and two palmspan off the ground. One female colored in the many shades of gray named Sentha, Sentha is two fore in length, weighing two heb and nine od, standing one fore and one palmspan off the ground. One snow white male pup named Benk, Benk is one fore in length, weighs one heb and two od, and stands two palmspan off the ground.

None of the hounds are vicious animals they are all friendly and loving animals having never had issues with biting anyone. They would much rather bury a person in a flurry of licking.

Grock is four and a half years old, he is watchful of Shomgar and the other hounds being the most attentive of the three. Grock is capable of performing such tricks as rolling over, a little flip, somersaults, and the obeying of Shomgar’s commands.

Sentha is capable of all the same tricks as Grock being raised at the same time by Shomgar, Sentha is the more energetic then Grock being able to actively perform/run almost half again as long as Grock.

Benk is currently incapable of performing the tricks his parents can, he has however began learning the basics of obedience, such as no defecating indoors or on property. Benk is a cute little puppy how nibble while licking but does not bite, he enjoys playing with people and attempting to chase his parents down.

[Shomgar]

I know that my CD is incomplete and should not have the exclamation point but i would appreciate any comments on everything i have so far before i dive into my history which will have important details on how Shomgra has many of the things and i don't want to have to search through my history for all the minor editing and major history changes that are accompanied with a change in another section of the CD.

[Morden Peshirgolz]

Just a few quick things that I noticed:

You are a little on the young side for a dwarf. Dwarves do not come of age until 90, so you are right now a young teenager. Also, if you have been raised by non-dwarves, your character has never been through the Baregozar, a process of becoming an adult which you can read about here. Lacking this important rite, and lacking knowledge of dwarven beliefs/culture, you will not be considered an adult by other dwarves. They will see you as an odd member of their race, and as one who is lost, being without the proper belief in Trum-Barol. Things to consider as you write your history.

Make sure you break up some of those monster paragraphs, like you Appearance section, into several more manageable paragraphs. Also, space out your Clothing and Personality sections. Right now they are bunched together.

Alright, that's all I noticed for now, but I'll give you a more thorough look-through when you are completely finished. Welcome to Santharia, and my heartiest welcomes to a new dwarf on the boards. Good luck!

[Shomgar]

Thank you very much i will cut the mentioned paragraphs into smaller digestible bits and increase his age a bit, it will add to his history a bit, i think i have some ideas already, heartfelt thanks again

[Shomgar]

History has been added now, i have included the mentioned difference between Shomgar and other dwarfs, this mysterious mark that Shomgar will never have because he was not raised as a dwarf and did not go through his "rights of passage"

[Thorin Broadfist]

Yus! Another dwarf!
I'll give your CD a look through tomorrow. 

[Shomgar]

Thanks a ton Thorin i look foreword to your experienced dwarf advice!

[Thorin Broadfist]

My comments share appear in the great color of orange!

Name: Shomgar   

Gender: Male   

Age: 114   

Race: Dwarf   

Tribe: Zirghurim   

Occupation: Acrobatic/Entertainer   

Title: The Flying Stone   Nice title!

Overview: Shomgar is a humorous dwarf being a dwarf acrobat raised by a troop of entertainers, a very rare oddity. He always has a toothy smile on his face and wishes for those around him to smile to. Shomgar is not his given name but an odd name chosen by Shomgar himself, his true name has been forgotten.   

Height: 1 ped and 1 fore   

Weight: 1 pygge 4 heb 3 od   

Hair Color: Teki red   

Eye Colour: Allia hinted Ithild   

Physical Appearance: Shomgar is a well muscled dwarf living an active life; there is little trace of fat on his body lacking even the slightest hint of the traditional dwarven belly. Shomgar shares the ripe skin color of his brethren, his cheeks appear as bloated peaches. His constantly smiling face does not help to dull the shine of his puffed cheeks, and his nose is smaller then the average Zirghurim dwarf, being narrower and less puffy.

Shomgar ritualistically dyes his hair Teki red to add to his humorous appearance. His long, wavy hair is braided into a multitude of braids each approximately 2 nailsbreadth in diameter. These braids reach down to the dwarf’s buttocks. *removed space* Shomgar’s beard is kept the same way as his hair, Teki red and many braids; his beard reaches half past his broad chest and covers the entirety of his cheeks and everything below his nose. Shomgar’s arms and legs are well defined by peachy skin stretched over slightly bulging muscles.

Shomgar’s back and chest are nearly as hairy as his face, he has also dyed this hair to keep it consistent with his face and head when he performs shirtless. Though it would be humorous, he does not braid this hair as it would be quit painful.   

Clothing: When in the warmer climates Shomgar wears a sleeveless shirt of thin cotton that is vertically striped Waterberry blue and Injohue. His pants are made of a similar material widening at the bottom of the legs making them baggy near the feet. His pants are horizontally striped the same colors as his shirt making for an absurd and eye-popping appearance. On his feet, when he wears something on them, he wears soft deer leather sandals that have been individually dyed, one Waterberry blue the other Injohue.

In the colder climates, and for certain performances, Shromgar will where a separate clothing type consisting of a long sleeve soft white cotton shirt, over which he wears a wolf fur coat that has been dyed Sor’Invyt orange, a pair of wolf fur pants that are dyed Nor’sidian black and a pair of thick of Wolf leather boots individually dyed one Nor’sidian the other Sor’Invyt.   

Personality: Shomgar has a humorous disposition, always laughing; he makes it his personal mission to make others do the same and accomplishing this task fills him with unbridled pride. Having grown up in a tight nit group of acrobatics always with a dog companion, Shomgar is very trusting in people and animals seeing them as near equals.

Being of a long lived people, he is often sad at the loss of a friend who he had known for years, including the many animal companions he has had in his life and all of those who originally adopted him into their family. Shomgar is a curious person, this originating with the question of who his parents truly were; he has always had a secluded part of his mind that wanted to know everything.   

Strengths & Weaknesses   

Strengths:   
1.   Acrobatics: As an acrobat Shomgar is quite agile and flexible allowing him to bend and move in ways most people can’t even imagine for a human, let alone a dwarf
2.   Quarterstaff: Being part of a non-aggressive family Shomgar learned the ways of a weapon that in trained hands only kills when the owner wishes it to, and to make his hands that way he was trained in the use of a quarterstaff since the age of 16 making Shomgar more then proficient in the use of a quarterstaff. The wording here just sounds a little off to me.
3.   Entertainment: Shomgar is one of those people who you just can’t help but smile and laugh at, his disposition is humorous and he is usually capable of putting a smile on anyone face
4.   Dogs: Having grown up with a dog, and never had a period of his life without a canine companion Shomgar has a way with all animals of the canine persuasion; he is capable of breeding, training, and selling(with some skill) most canines.
Unless you include his current dogs with your fourth strength, they're going to need their own.

Weaknesses:
1.   Trust: Having known little of the cruelty of the world throughout his life Shomgar is trusting to a fault. No matter the disposition or rumors/reputation of a person he will be friendly. This way of acting can of course get one in trouble with certain people real fast.
2.   Second to Act: Due to his upbringing Shomgar is never the first to act. He is more passive then aggressive, only retaliating instead of striking first, and only retaliating if he must; he would much rather avoid the confrontation.
3.   Curiosity: Shomgar is a naturally curious person, and he will quite often unknowingly and knowingly dive headfirst into trouble just to figure something out, no matter how minuscule.
4.   Gambling: To Shomgar’s shame he is an avid gambler, and he’s not very good. He quite often loses most of his earnings the very night he gets them to the locals in the tavern.
5.   Alcohol: Though by no means an alcoholic, Shomgar has a taste for alcohol, and will, when he has none, buy it even if it’s extremely overpriced.

History:   
Shomgar was born to a mother and father he never knew; his parents had been part of a traveling merchant’s caravan. Shomgar was found by a wandering entertainer caravan lead by Forick and his wife Julia, they found Shomgar in the arms of a guard who had grabbed the young dwarf from his dead parent’s arms and ran from whatever had attacked the caravan in the forests near the Zirkumire Mountains and ran, the dwarf was gravely wounded but managed to escape and keep the child unharmed, the Guard did not give his name but gave the dwarf child to Forick and his wife and told them to take care of him, soon after the guard had finished his last kindness in life he died.
Ok, so the section in red is all one sentence. You're definitely going to need to break that up some.

Forick and Julia knowing nothing better to do took the child as their own, giving him no name after the way of the troop they led, but instead just calling him *removed merely* son. Forick’s troop was a group of entertainers, each person had their own special skill that contributed to the group while they traveled Sarvonia entertaining the populace and making a living.

One peculiarity of the troops was the raising of Kardion hounds *removed comma* and the pairing of every pup to a person of the troop; every person in the troop had at least one dog that they were partnered with. So as the newest addition to the troop Shomgar was no exception. Thus it was that as soon as a new litter was born Shomgar was paired with a multi shaded pup which his new parents named Neeva for him, seeing as how it would be years before he could name the animal for himself and Neeva needed to be trained.
Nothing important happened for many years of Shomgar’s life leading to the passing away of Neeva which was inevitable, Neeva died shortly after Shomgar’s eleventh birthday, which due to the fact that his true birthday was unknown the day he was found was substituted for his birthday.

About a half a year after Neeva’s death Shomgar was given a new pup, the first pup he was tasked with raising and naming. Shomgar chose the name Dreker for the darkly colored pup. Shomgar spent the next five years of his life going by the name son, and devoting his days only to Dreker.

On his sixteenth birthday a large party was thrown for Shomgar because it was the day that he would choose his name and his profession in the troop and begin training in the use of a quarterstaff, which every member of the troop was capable of using for defense and entertainment. Thus Shomgar delved his mind for a name he felt would suite an entertainer coming to the name Shomgar after about half an hour of deliberation. *removed space* He quickly decided on acrobatics as it was the acrobats who awed him the most when he viewed his ‘family’ at work.

Now Shomgar was an oddity, even in the group, being a dwarf at age sixteen made him a mere child by the standards of his people, but the people he was now a part of would consider him an adult, if a short one. It was at this point that Shomgar began to braid his hair and dye it Teki red instead of the golden yellow it originally was.

As the years passed and Shomgar learned from the other acrobats, he lost much of his chunkiness that would be attributed to being a dwarf and his muscles began to bulk out. His training with a quarterstaff did not go well for quite some time, being a bit to small to comfortably handle a quarterstaff, and feeling the Halfling quarterstaff was to flimsy, he broke multiple bones in his training as can be expected when fighting with hard wood objects.

It was his twentieth year; Dreker was closing in on his final days after living a good life as a close loved companion of Shomgar. The troop was near Thyslan, and Shomgar had recently broken his arm and thus it was still in a sling, while watching his family perform, mildly irritated because it would have been his first performance, a man near him asked how he had broken his arm. Shomgar being a trusting person instantly broke into the story, adding some embellishments to get the man to laugh, which succeeded.

The man was silent for a while after the story was complete, a thoughtful look on his face as he watched the show. After the show the man departed and Shomgar rejoined his family to help them set up there tents, they planned on performing the next day because of the turnout that day. The next morning the man showed up with a bundle of new quarterstaffs that Forick had paid for the day before, Forick thanked the man, and then inspecting the craftsmanship he noticed one at the center of the bundle.

Amongst all the other staffs was one that was shorter then the others being slightly taller the Shomgar and slightly thinner than a regular quarterstaff, it was made of black birch, a very strong and hardy wood. When Forick asked about the odd staff the man answered saying it was for the stocky man with the broken arm, a gift for the great show and amusing story he had told. Forick thanked the man and said he could attend any shows there after free of charge for such a generous gift.

It was also during this year that Shomgar was taught, by his mother Julia, the method of making the dog biscuits that the troop used, a special recipe that had been passed down from her and those of her generation’s great grand parents, who originally made the biscuits. The recipe is a mixture of vegetables that promote good health in the hounds, wheat to give them shape and texture(similar to that of bread), and a spice mixture that provides for the taste that makes them a treat for the dogs.

Later that same year after his arm had healed; Shomgar’s curiosity got the best of him for the first time and never truly receded after that day. His adopted parents told him to go play and stay out of their tent, but being immature for a dwarf *removed a chunk that was just restating the last sentence* in addition to the natural curiosity of being human raised he couldn’t resist the urge to find out what his parents were doing. Now this part of the story is adult and graphic so it will be omitted from Shomgar’s history, just know he did not get a very pleasant surprise and he regretted the intrusion for many months later, if not for the rest of his adolescence and even beyond.

It was Shomgar’s thirty-third year; his current hounds name was Gelina, a beautiful gray colored hound who was capable of doing an array of tricks to accompany Shomgar’s stunts. The troop was in the vicinity of Nyermersys and Shomgar convinced his parents to allow him to visit the nearest tavern, something he lived to regret. For it was in this tavern that he first gambled and became addicted to dicing. He lost all of his money gambling and on drink, it did not help to ease his mind that this was also his first time completely intoxicating himself and getting his minor addiction to alcohol.

When he returned to the tents and told his story his parents were furious, and he was punished severely. However because of his miserable state the next day they took it easy on him and cared for him till he felt better, which took a while.

It was a few decades later, Shomgar was fifty-six, still quit young for a dwarf, an adolescent by their standards, but age for humans is not the same way. His adoptive father was seventy-six and dying, his mother was seventy-four and in little better condition especially because of her husbands condition. Shomgar’s hound Anla was twelve and dying as well. Altogether it amounted to Shomgar’s worst year and most horrible memories. Though at this age with his constant training he was a quite capable Quarterstaff wielder, and a spectacular acrobat, and his skill with dogs was like every other member of the troops skill, spectacular.

Halfway through the year Forick called for his adopted son, and told him he would die very soon, he could feel the end coming, this announcement made the young Shomgar weep. Forick told Shomgar he would lead the troop for as long as he wished whether it be till he himself died and passed on the honor or when he wished to leave. His father a dying man, tried to comfort his grieving child though they held no blood bond, the bond from the long years was strong, made stronger by the fact that Shomgar was sill an adolescent a child by dwarf standards. The next day Forick passed away.

Shomgar spent the next week with his mother whose health was quickly deteriorating after the death of her beloved husband, he did his best to comfort her and keep her alive, but she soon passed on as well, leaving Shomgar and the troop members of the same age as the oldest members as all there parents had recently passed. A month later Anla died as well completing Shomgar misery.

Shomgar felt the loss so heavily that he left one of his adoptive cousins to lead the troop while he mourned. Shomgar broke the tradition he had upheld for more then fifty years of his life and did not take a new pup for more then five years wishing to prolong the time before he would feel the pain of loss again. However after little more then seven years Shomgar rejoined his cousins of the troop with renewed vigor almost as if nothing had happened and continued to live his life as before always training to entertain others.

For the years after his rejoining of the group he held and still holds the two bags his mother made him when he was around thirty-seven, and the flask his father used in his youth, a bright orange thing made of leather and of average size, as the most precious of his possessions. It was also during this time that he acquired his assorted sets of dice that he carries with him everywhere for gambling.

In his eighty-seventh year the last of the troop that he considered brothers, sisters, and cousins passed away leaving only the younger generations, though some of these ‘younger’ people were still old by human standards. Shomgar was finally beginning to feel more like an adult as he was reaching maturity for a dwarf, though he did not know it. However unbeknownst to him he would always be viewed as an oddity by other dwarves as he would never go through the dwarfish rights of passage.

In the next few decades leading to his separation from the troop that he obtained the clothing that he possesses to this day, his winter outfit was a gift from one he considered a nephew, who felt that his uncle deserved a more entertaining fur grab then the drab brown wool he was wearing. *removed "And"* His lighter clothing he had made himself by a seamstress in Valdor.

It was Shomgar’s one hundred and tenth year, another generation had passed away, and he was beginning to feel more detached from the members of the troop, seeing as he was 2 or three human generations older then the eldest of the troop members. It was thus that he passed leadership to Nayena, the daughter of the nephew who had bestowed Shomgar with his winter garb and left the troop with his two Kardion pups Grock and Sentha.

During Shomgar’s one hundred and thirteenth year he fell victim to his trusting nature and had all of his money stolen from him in the middle of the night by a traveling companion, he passed it off has ill luck and moved on not disappointed. Later that year Sentha gave berth to four young pups, one of which died shortly there after, and another who lived only a month. The other two lived, one Shomgar named Benk and the other he named Weck, a few months later Shomgar sold Weck to a breeder but kept Benk as his own to train.

Shomgar has continued to wander Sarvonia with no other goal then to enjoy himself, live and to entertain others.

Weapons:   A Quarterstaff-Halfling Quarterstaff mixture made of black birch. It is smaller then a quarterstaff but thicker then a Halfling quarter staff providing for excellent balance for Shomgar. He wields his quarterstaff defensively, his style consisting particularly of parry’s and counterattacks that wear his opponents down before he can either flee, peacefully end the fight, or deliver a temporarily debilitating blow. Though his style is non-aggressive, he is capable of delivering a killing blow if he must..

Belongings: Quarterstaff, clothing, a rainbow hued cotton bag with secret pockets inside made by his adoptive mother to carry his belongings, a smaller bag of similar design carrying dog biscuits of his family troops special formula, assorted dice, money, and a leather flask dyed Sor’Invyt orange that usually contains brandy. 

Familiars: Three Kardion hounds, 1 primarily Nor’sidian adult male with snow colored feet named Grock, 1 female ranging in color form black to white across her entire body named Sentha, and 1 snow white male pup named Benk.
I'm no expert on familiars, but I think you might need some more info here.

Overall a pretty good CD. There were times where you used commas instead of periods, but it's not life threatening. Hopefully you don't have to wait too long for your approval.

[Shomgar]

Thank you for the review and Help Thorin, especially the grammar stuff, my English teachers always hated my punctuation   
Your approval and welcoming arms make me smile 

[Deklitch Hardin]

Hi Shomgar, you're the first cab off the rank for me today. I'll be commenting/correcting in yellow. Although, from what I've seen, there shouldn't be too much for me to comment/correct you on

All major changes are in powerful red
Name: Shomgar   

Gender: Male   

Age: 114   

Race: Dwarf   

Tribe: Zirghurim   

Occupation: Acrobatic/Entertainer   

Title: The Flying Stone   

Overview: Shomgar is a humorous dwarf, being a dwarf acrobat raised by a troop of entertainers, a very rare oddity. He always has a toothy smile on his face and wishes for those around him to smile too. Shomgar is not his given name but an odd name chosen by Shomgar himself, his true name has been forgotten.   

Height: 1 ped and 1 fore   

Weight: 1 pygge 4 heb 3 od I suggest you use a comma after pygge and 'and' after heb, just to keep it consistent with your height

Hair Color: Teki red   

Eye Colour: Allia hinted Ithild   

Physical Appearance: Shomgar is a well muscled dwarf living an active life, there is little trace of fat on his body lacking even the slightest hint of the traditional dwarven belly. Shomgar shares the ripe skin color of his brethren. His cheeks appear as bloated peaches, his constantly smiling face does not help to dull the shine of his puffed cheeks. His nose is smaller then the average Zirghurim dwarf’s, being narrower and less puffy.

Shomgar ritualistically dyes his hair Teki red to add to his humorous appearance. His long, wavy hair is braided into a multitude of braids each approximately two nailsbreadth in diameter. These braids reach down to the dwarf’s buttocks. Shomgar’s beard is kept the same way as his hair, Teki red and many braids. His beard reaches half past his broad chest and covers the entirety of his cheeks and everything below his nose. Shomgar’s arms and legs are well defined by peachy skin stretched over slightly bulging muscles.

Shomgar’s back and chest are nearly as hairy as his face, he has also dyed this hair to keep it consistent with his face and head when he performs shirtless. Though it would be humorous, he does not braid this hair as it would be quit painful.   

It can be helpful to restate his height and weight in this description as well. Overall, I like what you've done here.

Clothing: When in the warmer climates Shomgar wears a sleeveless shirt of thin cotton that is vertically striped Waterberry blue and Injohue. His pants are made of a similar material widening at the bottom of the legs making them baggy near the feet. His pants are horizontally striped the same colors as his shirt making for an absurd and eye-popping appearance. On his feet, when he wears something on them, he wears soft deer leather sandals that have been individually dyed, one Waterberry blue the other Injohue.

In the colder climates, and for certain performances, Shromgar will wear a separate clothing type consisting of a long sleeve soft white cotton shirt, over which he wears a wolf fur coat that has been dyed Sor’Invyt orange, a pair of wolf fur pants that are dyed Nor’sidian black and a pair of thick of Wolf leather boots individually dyed one Nor’sidian the other Sor’Invyt.

Not too much for me to comment/correct in here either, Shomgar.

Personality: Shomgar has a humorous disposition, always laughing, he makes it his personal mission to make others do the same and accomplishing this task fills him with unbridled pride. Having grown up in a tight nit group of acrobatics always with a dog companion, (added comma) Shomgar is very trusting in people and animals seeing them as near equals.

Being of a long lived people he is often sad at the loss of a friend who he had known for years, such friends include the many animal companions he has had in his life and all of those who originally adopted him into their family. Shomgar is a curious person, this originating with the question of who his parents truly were; he has always had a secluded part of his mind that wanted to know everything.

I want to know more about his personality ... what does he do if he sees an animal in pain? Is there anything that makes him angry? Apart from that though, the personality reads well, even if it is a little short for my liking

Strengths & Weaknesses

Strengths:   
1.   Acrobatics: As an acrobat Shomgar is quite agile and flexible allowing him to bend and move in ways most people can’t even imagine for a human, let alone a dwarf
2.   Quarterstaff: Shomgar is very proficient with his specialized quarterstaff, having diligently trained in its use for nearly a century.
3.   Entertainment: Shomgar is one of those people who you just can’t help but smile and laugh at, his disposition is humorous and he is usually capable of putting a smile on anyone face
4.   Dogs: Having grown up with a dog, and never had a period of his life without a canine companion Shomgar has a way with all animals of the canine persuasion; he is capable of breeding, training, and selling (with some skill) most canines.
5.   Companions: Shomgar is accompanied by three Kardion hounds, 2 adults, 1 male and 1 female, and a male pup. The pup is young and knows little yet, but the two adults are capable of performing tricks and following some simple commands. None of the hounds have been taught to fight or be aggressive.

Weaknesses:
1.   Trust: Having known little of the cruelty of the world throughout his life Shomgar is trusting to a fault No matter the disposition or rumors/reputation of a person he will be friendly. This way of acting can of course get one in trouble with certain people real fast.
2.   Second to Act: Due to his upbringing Shomgar is never the first to act. He is more passive then aggressive, only retaliating instead of being first to strike, and only retaliating if he must; he would much rather avoid the confrontation.
3.   Curiosity: Shomgar is a naturally curious person, and he will quite often unknowingly and knowingly dive headfirst into trouble just to figure something out, no matter how minuscule.
4.   Gambling: To Shomgar’s shame he is an avid gambler, and he’s not very good. He quite often loses most of his earnings the very night he gets them to the locals in the tavern.
5.   Alcohol: Though by no means an alcoholic, Shomgar has a taste for alcohol, and will, when he has none, buy it even if it’s extremely overpriced.

My biggest gripe with your strengths and weaknesses is that they don't explain to us how they either hinder or help him in his every day life ... for example ... how does him being an acrobat help him? Apart from the bending, what does it allow him to do that has a benefit to him. Does it allow him to fit into places that others can't get to ... is he able to grab onto branches and reach things that his companions/friends wouldn't be able to ... that sort of thing. Some of your weaknesses, especially Gambling are done well, but for most of the others, a bit more detail would be nice.

History:   
Shomgar was born to a mother and father he never knew; his parents had been part of a traveling merchant’s caravan. Shomgar was found by a wandering entertainer caravan lead by Forick and his wife Julia. Call me nosy, but I'm kind of interested to know how old he was at this time. He was found in the arms of a guard who had grabbed the young dwarf from his dead parent’s arms and ran from the attacker(s). The dwarf was gravely wounded but managed to escape and keep the child unharmed. The Guard did not give his name but gave the dwarf child to Forick and his wife and told them to take care of him. Soon after the guard had finished this final act of kindness he died.

Forick and Julia knowing nothing better to do took the child as their own, giving him no name after the way of the troop they led, but instead just calling him son. So, how did they get their names then? Forick’s troop was a group of entertainers, each person had their own special skill that contributed to the group while they traveled Sarvonia entertaining the populace and making a living. I am guessing that this is a different group to the Black Butterfly Rovers?

One peculiarity of the troops was the raising of Kardion hounds and the pairing of every pup to a person of the troop, every person in the troop had at least one dog that they were partnered with. So as the newest addition to the troop Shomgar was no exception. Thus it was that as soon as a new litter was born Shomgar was paired with a multi shaded pup which his new parents named Neeva for him, seeing as how it would be years before he could name the animal for himself and Neeva needed to be trained.

Nothing important happened for many years of Shomgar’s life leading to the passing away of Neeva which was inevitable, Neeva died shortly after Shomgar’s eleventh birthday, which due to the fact that his true birthday was unknown the day he was found was substituted for his birthday.

About a half a year after Neeva’s death Shomgar was given a new pup, the first pup he was tasked with raising and naming. Shomgar chose the name Dreker for the darkly colored pup. Shomgar spent the next five years of his life going by the name son, and devoting his days only to Dreker.

On his sixteenth birthday a large party was thrown for Shomgar because it was the day that he would choose his name and his profession in the troop and begin training in the use of a quarterstaff which every member of the troop was capable of using for defense and entertainment. Thus Shomgar delved his mind for a name he felt would suite an entertainer coming to the name Shomgar after about half an hour of deliberation. He quickly decided on acrobatics as it was the acrobats who awed him the most when he viewed his ‘family’ at work.

Now Shomgar was an oddity, even in the group, being a dwarf at age sixteen made him a mere child by the standards of his people, but the people he was now a part of would consider him an adult, if a short one. It was at this point that Shomgar began to braid his hair and dye it Teki red instead of the golden yellow it originally was.

As the years passed and Shomgar learned from the other acrobats he lost much of his chunkiness that would be attributed to being a dwarf and his muscles began to bulk out. His training with a quarterstaff did not go well for quite some time, being a bit to small to comfortably handle a quarterstaff, and feeling the Halfling quarterstaff was to flimsy, he broke multiple bones in his training as can be expected when fighting with hard wood objects.

It was his twentieth year; Dreker was closing in on his final days after living a good life as a close loved companion of Shomgar. The troop was near Thyslan, and Shomgar had recently broken his arm and thus it was still in a sling, while watching his family perform, mildly irritated because it would have been his first performance, a man near him asked how he had broken his arm. Shomgar being a trusting person instantly broke into the story, adding some embellishments to get the man to laugh, which succeeded.

The man was silent for a while after the story was complete, a thoughtful look on his face as he watched the show. After the show the man departed and Shomgar rejoined his family to help them set up there tents, they planned on performing the next day because of the turnout that day. The next morning the man showed up with a bundle of new quarterstaffs that Forick had paid for the day before, Forick thanked the man, and then inspecting the craftsmanship he noticed one at the center of the bundle.

Amongst all the other staffs was one that was shorter then the others being slightly taller the Shomgar and slightly thinner than a regular quarterstaff, it was made of black birch, a very strong and hardy wood. When Forick asked about the odd staff the man answered saying it was for the stocky man with the broken arm, a gift for the great show and amusing story he had told. Forick thanked the man and said he could attend any shows there after free of charge for such a generous gift.

It was also during this year that Shomgar was taught, by his mother Julia, the method of making the dog biscuits that the troop used, a special recipe that had been passed down from her and those of her generation’s great grand parents, who originally made the biscuits. The recipe is a mixture of vegetables that promote good health in the hounds, wheat to give them shape and texture (similar to that of bread) and a spice mixture that provides for the taste that makes them a treat for the dogs.

Later that same year after his arm had healed; Shomgar’s curiosity got the best of him for the first time and never truly receded after that day. His adopted parents told him to go play and stay out of their tent, now being immature for a dwarf and having been raised by humans, in addition to the natural curiosity of being human raised he couldn’t resist the urge to find out what his parents were doing. Now this part of the story is adult and graphic so it will be omitted from Shomgar’s history, just know he did not get a very pleasant surprise and he regretted the intrusion for many months later, if not for the rest of his adolescence and even beyond. LOL

It was Shomgar’s thirty-third year; his current hounds name was Gelina, a beautiful gray colored hound who was capable of doing an array of tricks to accompany Shomgar’s stunts. The troop was in the vicinity of Nyermersys and Shomgar convinced his parents to allow him to visit the nearest tavern, something he lived to regret. For it was in this tavern that he first gambled and became addicted to dicing. He lost all of his money gambling and on drink, it did not help to ease his mind that this was also his first time completely intoxicating himself and getting his minor addiction to alcohol.

When he returned to the tents and told his story his parents were furious, and he was punished severely. However because of his miserable state the next day they took it easy on him and cared for him till he felt better, which took a while.

It was a few decades later, Shomgar was fifty-six, still quit young for a dwarf an adolescent by their standards, but age for humans is not the same way. His adoptive father was seventy-six and dying, his mother was seventy-four and in little better condition especially because of her husband's condition. Shomgar’s hound Anla was twelve and dying as well. Altogether it amounted to Shomgar’s worst year and most horrible memories. Though at this age with his constant training he was a quite capable Quarterstaff wielder, and a spectacular acrobat, and his skill with dogs was like every other member of the troops skill, spectacular.

Halfway through the year Forick called for his adopted son, and told him he would die very soon, he could feel the end coming, this announcement made the young Shomgar weep. Forick told Shomgar he would lead the troop for as long as he wished whether it be till he himself died and passed on the honor or when he wished to leave. His father a dying man, tried to comfort his grieving child though they held no blood bond, the bond from the long years was strong, made stronger by the fact that Shomgar was sill an adolescent a child by dwarf standards. The next day Forick passed away.

Shomgar spent the next week with his mother whose health was quickly deteriorating after the death of her beloved husband, he did his best to comfort her and keep her alive, but she soon passed on as well, leaving Shomgar and the troop members of the same age as the oldest members as all their parents had recently passed. A month later Anla died as well completing Shomgar misery.

Shomgar felt the loss so heavily that he left one of his adoptive cousins to lead the troop while he mourned. Shomgar broke the tradition he had upheld for more then fifty years of his life and did not take a new pup for more then five years wishing to prolong the time before he would feel the pain of loss again. However after little more then seven years Shomgar rejoined his cousins of the troop with renewed vigor almost as if nothing had happened and continued to live his life as before always training to entertain others.

For the years after his rejoining of the group he held and still holds the two bags his mother made him when he was around thirty-seven, and the flask his father used in his youth, a bright orange thing made of leather and of average size, as the most precious of his possessions. It was also during this time that he acquired his assorted sets of dice that he carries with him everywhere for gambling.

In his eighty-seventh year the last of the troop that he considered brothers, sisters and cousins passed away leaving only the younger generations, though some of these ‘younger’ people were still old by human standards. Shomgar was finally beginning to feel more like an adult as he was reaching maturity for a dwarf, though he did not know it. However unbeknownst to him he would always be viewed as an oddity by other dwarves as he would never go through the dwarfish rights of passage.

In the next few decades leading to his separation from the troop that he obtained the clothing that he possesses to this day, his winter outfit was a gift from one he considered a nephew, who felt that his uncle deserved a more entertaining fur grab then the drab brown wool he was wearing. His lighter clothing he had made himself by a seamstress in Valdor.

It was Shomgar’s one hundred and tenth year, another generation had passed away, and he was beginning to feel more detached from the members of the troop, seeing as he was 2 or three human generations older then the eldest of the troop members. It was thus that he passed leadership to Nayena, the daughter of the nephew who had bestowed Shomgar with his winter garb and left the troop with his two Kardion pups Grock and Sentha.

During Shomgar’s one hundred and thirteenth year he fell victim to his trusting nature and had all of his money stolen from him in the middle of the night by a traveling companion, he passed it off has ill luck and moved on not disappointed. Later that year Sentha gave berth to four young pups, one of which died shortly there after, and another who lived only a month. The other two lived, one Shomgar named Benk and the other he named Weck, a few months later Shomgar sold Weck to a breeder but kept Benk as his own to train.

Shomgar has continued to wander Sarvonia with no other goal then to enjoy himself, live and to entertain others.

Reads well to me, Shomgar ... I'll just see if one of our resident dwarfs can take another look at it for you.

Weapons:   A Quarterstaff-Halfling Quarterstaff mixture made of black birch, it is smaller then a quarterstaff but thicker then a Halfling quarter staff providing for excellent balance for Shomgar. He wields his quarterstaff defensively his style consisting particularly of parry’s and counterattacks that wear his opponents down before he can either flee, peacefully end the fight, or deliver a temporarily debilitating blow. Though his style is non-aggressive he is capable of delivering a killing blow if he must.

Belongings: Quarterstaff, clothing, a rainbow hued cotton bag with secret pockets inside made by his adoptive mother to carry his belongings, a smaller bag of similar design carrying dog biscuits of his family troops special formula, assorted dice, money, and a leather flask dyed Sor’Invyt orange that usually contains brandy. 

Familiars:
Three Kardion hounds, one primarily Nor’sidian adult male with snow colored feet named Grock, Grock is exactly one ped in length from head to tail, weighing three heb and eight od, standing one fore and two palmspan off the ground. One female colored in the many shades of gray named Sentha, Sentha is two fore in length, weighing two heb and nine od, standing one fore and one palmspan off the ground. One snow white male pup named Benk, Benk is one fore in length, weighs one heb and two od, and stands two palmspan off the ground.

None of the hounds are vicious animals they are all friendly and loving animals having never had issues with biting anyone. They would much rather bury a person in a flurry of licking.

Grock is four and a half years old, he is watchful of Shomgar and the other hounds being the most attentive of the three. Grock is capable of performing such tricks as rolling over, a little flip, somersaults, and the obeying of Shomgar’s commands.

Sentha is capable of all the same tricks as Grock being raised at the same time by Shomgar, Sentha is the more energetic then Grock being able to actively perform/run almost half again as long as Grock.

Benk is currently incapable of performing the tricks his parents can, he has however began learning the basics of obedience, such as no defecating in doors or on property. Benk is a cute little puppy how nibble while licking but does not bite, he enjoys playing with people and attempting to chase his parents down.

I don't see anything wrong with these either.

The biggest issue I have at the moment is with the Strengths and Weaknesses, mostly because a key thing with them is to show how they impact on you, and how much of an impact they have on you. With most of them, I'm not sure that's been shown yet. The nature of the strengths and weaknesses are fine, just expanding on them would be good.

Apart from that (and anything raised by a dwarfen expert), you have a well written, explained and logical CD here, Shomgar!

[Shomgar]

I have made the requested additions to my Strength and Weaknesses where i thought you asked me too and the other spelling/grammar changes and a little addition to my personality section. Thank you for your help

[fionn]

Hiya Shomgar! when i saw the thread title on this character it made me smile - a really original idea, i take my metaphorical hat off to you. my comments will be in yellow, but if i can't find much to comment on, i hope you'll forgive me for skipping through those sections that i find flawless.

Name: Shomgar   

Gender: Male   

Age: 114   

Race: Dwarf   

Tribe: Zirghurim   

Occupation: Acrobatic/Entertainer   

Title: The Flying Stone   

Overview: Shomgar is a humorous dwarf<semicolon? being a dwarf acrobat raised by a troop of entertainers, a very rare oddity. He always has a toothy smile on his face and wishes for those around him to smile too. Shomgar is not his given name but an odd name chosen by Shomgar himself, his true name has been forgotten.   

Height: 1 ped and 1 fore   

Weight: 1 pygge, 4 heb, 3 od   

Hair Color: Teki red   

Eye Colour: Allia hinted Ithild   

Physical Appearance: Shomgar is a well muscled dwarf living an active life, there is little trace of fat on his body lacking even the slightest hint of the traditional dwarven belly. Shomgar shares the ripe skin color of his brethren. His cheeks appear as bloated peaches, his constantly smiling face does not help to dull the shine of his puffed cheeks. His nose is smaller then the average Zirghurim dwarf’s, being narrower and less puffy.

Shomgar ritualistically dyes his hair Teki red to add to his humorous appearance. His long, wavy hair is braided into a multitude of braids each approximately two nailsbreadth in diameter. These braids reach down to the dwarf’s buttocks. Shomgar’s beard is kept the same way as his hair, Teki red and many braids. His beard reaches half past his broad chest and covers the entirety of his cheeks and everything below his nose. Shomgar’s arms and legs are well defined by peachy skin stretched over slightly bulging muscles.

Shomgar’s back and chest are nearly as hairy as his face, he has also dyed this hair to keep it consistent with his face and head when he performs shirtless. Though it would be humorous, he does not braid this hair as it would be quite painful.  Just me being nosey, really, but how does he move? as an acrobat, i'd imagine the way he moves and stands aare affected by what he does for a living? certainly, at the minute in my head, he's so different from other dwarves i'm familiar with - how apparent is this to someone seeing him for the very first time?

Clothing: When in the warmer climates Shomgar wears a sleeveless shirt of thin cotton that is vertically striped Waterberry blue and Injohue. His pants are made of a similar material widening at the bottom of the legs making them baggy near the feet. His pants are horizontally striped the same colors as his shirt making for an absurd and eye-popping appearance. On his feet, when he wears something on them, he wears soft deer leather sandals that have been individually dyed, one Waterberry blue the other Injohue.

In the colder climates, and for certain performances, Shromgar will wear a separate clothing type consisting of a long sleeve soft white cotton shirt, over which he wears a wolf fur coat that has been dyed Sor’Inyt orange, a pair of wolf fur pants that are dyed Nor’sidian black and a pair of thick of Wolf leather boots individually dyed one Nor’sidian the other Sor’Invyt. ]   

Personality: Shomgar has a humorous disposition, always laughing, he makes it his personal mission to make others do the same and accomplishing this task fills him with unbridled pride. Having grown up in a tight nit group of acrobatics always with a dog companion, Shomgar is very trusting in people and animals seeing them as near equals. Few things anger Shomgar amongst them is the cruel treatment of both animals and other people, though he is not aggressive he would gladly put him self in the way of an abusive person and thump them around a bit.

Being of a long lived people he is often sad at the loss of a friend who he had known for years, such friends include the many animal companions he has had in his life and all of those who originally adopted him into their family. Shomgar is a curious person, this originating with the question of who his parents truly were; he has always had a secluded part of his mind that wanted to know everything.   

Strengths & Weaknesses   

Strengths:   
1.   Acrobatics: As an acrobat Shomgar is quite agile and flexible allowing him to bend in astonishing ways. Shomgar is an accomplished climber and is able to jump astonishing heights for a dwarf.
2.   Quarterstaff: Shomgar is very proficient with his specialized quarterstaff, having diligently trained in its use for nearly a century.
3.   Entertainment: Shomgar is one of those people who you just can’t help but smile and laugh at, his disposition is humorous and he is usually capable of putting a smile on anyone’s face, making it easier for him to converse and deal with people.
4.   Dogs: Having grown up with a dog, and never had a period of his life without a canine companion Shomgar has a way with all animals of the canine persuasion; he is capable of breeding, training, and selling (with some skill) most canids. <i am assuming you meant the dogs, not their teeth?
5.   Companions: Shomgar is accompanied by three Kardion hounds, 2 adults, 1 male and 1 female, and a male pup. The pup is young and knows little yet, but the two adults are capable of performing tricks and following some simple commands. None of the hounds have been taught to fight or be aggressive.

Weaknesses:
1.   Trust: Having known little of the cruelty of the world throughout his life Shomgar is trusting to a fault No matter the disposition or rumors/reputation of a person he will be friendly. This way of acting can of course get one in trouble with certain people real fast. <you might want to slip a little about this into the personality section?
2.   Second to Act: Due to his upbringing Shomgar is never the first to act. He is more passive than aggressive, only retaliating instead of being first to strike, and only retaliating if he must; he would much rather avoid the confrontation. How has this disadvantaged him? i can see it could lead to problems, but there's a flip side to this that could be seen as a strength, so i'd like it to be made a little clearer how it affects him in his day-to-day life.
3.   Curiosity: Shomgar is a naturally curious person, and he will quite often unknowingly and knowingly dive headfirst into trouble just to figure something out, no matter how minuscule. same again here, really. To tell the truth, i'm a little uncomfortable with any strength or weakness less than three sentences oong, no matter how long or prettily written said sentences may be.
4.   Gambling: To Shomgar’s shame he is an avid gambler, and he’s not very good. He quite often loses most of his earnings the very night he gets them to the locals in the tavern. another chance to link in to your personality section? might help you to expand on it a little, too - or atleast that's what i tend to find if i'm a little stuck for how to expand on something - moving your focus to the "lens" of a different section can help you see it more clearly.
5.   Alcohol: Though by no means an alcoholic, Shomgar has a taste for alcohol, and will, when he has none, buy it even if it’s extremely overpriced.

History:   
Shomgar was born to a mother and father he never knew; his parents had been part of a traveling merchant’s caravan. Shomgar was found by a wandering entertainer caravan led by Forick and his wife Julia. He was found in the arms of a guard who had grabbed the young dwarf from his dead parent’s arms and ran from the attacker(s). The dwarf was gravely wounded but managed to escape and keep the child unharmed. The Guard did not give his name but gave the dwarf child to Forick and his wife and told them to take care of him. Soon after the guard had finished this final act of kindness he died.

Twenty eight year old Forick and twenty six year old Julia<comma? knowing nothing better to do<comma? took the child as their own, giving him no name after the way of the troop they led, but instead just calling him son. Forick’s troop was a group of entertainers, each person had their own special skill that contributed to the group while they traveled Sarvonia entertaining the populace and making a living.

One peculiarity of the troops was the raising of Kardion hounds and the pairing of every pup to a person of the troop, every person in the troop had at least one dog that they were partnered with. So as the newest addition to the troop Shomgar was no exception. Thus it was that as soon as a new litter was born Shomgar was paired with a multi shaded pup which his new parents named Neeva for him, seeing as how it would be years before he could name the animal for himself and Neeva needed to be trained.

Nothing important happened for many years of Shomgar’s life leading to the passing away of Neeva which was inevitable, Neeva died shortly after Shomgar’s eleventh birthday, which due to the fact that his true birthday was unknown the day he was found was substituted for his birthday.

About a half a year after Neeva’s death Shomgar was given a new pup, the first pup he was tasked with raising and naming. Shomgar chose the name Dreker for the darkly colored pup. Shomgar spent the next five years of his life going by the name son, and devoting his days only to Dreker.

On his sixteenth birthday a large party was thrown for Shomgar because it was the day that he would choose his name and his profession in the troop and begin training in the use of a quarterstaff which every member of the troop was capable of using for defense and entertainment. Thus Shomgar delved his mind for a name he felt would suit an entertainer coming to the name Shomgar after about half an hour of deliberation. He quickly decided on acrobatics as it was the acrobats who awed him the most when he viewed his ‘family’ at work.

Now Shomgar was an oddity, even in the group, being a dwarf at age sixteen made him a mere child by the standards of his people, but the people he was now a part of would consider him an adult, if a short one. It was at this point that Shomgar began to braid his hair and dye it Teki red instead of the golden yellow it originally was.

As the years passed and Shomgar learned from the other acrobats he lost much of his chunkiness that would be attributed to being a dwarf and his muscles began to bulk out. His training with a quarterstaff did not go well for quite some time, being a bit too small to comfortably handle a quarterstaff, and feeling the Halfling quarterstaff was too flimsy, he broke multiple bones in his training as can be expected when fighting with hard wood objects.

It was his twentieth year; Dreker was closing in on his final days after living a good life as a close loved companion of Shomgar. The troop was near Thyslan, and Shomgar had recently broken his arm and thus it was still in a sling, while watching his family perform, mildly irritated because it would have been his first performance, a man near him asked how he had broken his arm. Shomgar being a trusting person instantly broke into the story, adding some embellishments to get the man to laugh, which succeeded.

The man was silent for a while after the story was complete, a thoughtful look on his face as he watched the show. After the show the man departed and Shomgar rejoined his family to help them set up their tents, they planned on performing the next day because of the turnout that day. The next morning the man showed up with a bundle of new quarterstaffs that Forick had paid for the day before, Forick thanked the man, and then inspecting the craftsmanship he noticed one at the center of the bundle.

Amongst all the other staffs was one that was shorter then the others being slightly taller than Shomgar and slightly thinner than a regular quarterstaff, it was made of black birch, a very strong and hardy wood. When Forick asked about the odd staff the man answered saying it was for the stocky man with the broken arm, a gift for the great show and amusing story he had told. Forick thanked the man and said he could attend any shows there-after free of charge for such a generous gift.

It was also during this year that Shomgar was taught, by his mother Julia, the method of making the dog biscuits that the troop used, a special recipe that had been passed down from her and those of her generation’s great grand parents, who originally made the biscuits. The recipe is a mixture of vegetables that promote good health in the hounds, wheat to give them shape and texture (similar to that of bread) and a spice mixture that provides for the taste that makes them a treat for the dogs. ooh, if you add this knowledge to the dogs strength, that'd be great - you might find this kinda knowledge usefull in befreinding strange dogs you meet on your travels, etc.

Later that same year after his arm had healed; Shomgar’s curiosity got the best of him for the first time and never truly receded after that day. His adopted parents told him to go play and stay out of their tent, now being immature for a dwarf and having been raised by humans, in addition to the natural curiosity of being human raised he couldn’t resist the urge to find out what his parents were doing. Now this part of the story is adult and graphic so it will be omitted from Shomgar’s history, just know he did not get a very pleasant surprise and he regretted the intrusion for many months later, if not for the rest of his adolescence and even beyond.

It was Shomgar’s thirty-third year; his current hound's name was Gelina, a beautiful gray colored hound who was capable of doing an array of tricks to accompany Shomgar’s stunts. The troop was in the vicinity of Nyermersys and Shomgar convinced his parents to allow him to visit the nearest tavern, something he lived to regret. For it was in this tavern that he first gambled and became addicted to dicing.<i don't think you said he was addicted in the weakness; that could be made into a major thing if you want, and would definitely warrant a mention in personality. He lost all of his money gambling and on drink, it did not help to ease his mind that this was also his first time completely intoxicating himself and getting his minor addiction to alcohol.

When he returned to the tents and told his story his parents were furious, and he was punished severely. However because of his miserable state the next day they took it easy on him and cared for him till he felt better, which took a while.

It was a few decades later, Shomgar was fifty-six, still quite young for a dwarf an adolescent by their standards, but age for humans is not the same way. His adoptive father was seventy-six and dying, his mother was seventy-four and in little better condition especially because of her husbands condition. Shomgar’s hound Anla was twelve and dying as well. Altogether it amounted to Shomgar’s worst year and most horrible memories. Though at this age with his constant training he was a quite capable quarterstaff wielder, and a spectacular acrobat, and his skill with dogs was like every other member of the troop’s skill, spectacular.

Halfway through the year Forick called for his adopted son, and told him he would die very soon, he could feel the end coming, this announcement made the young Shomgar weep. Forick told Shomgar he would lead the troop for as long as he wished whether it be till he himself died and passed on the honor or when he wished to leave. His father a dying man, tried to comfort his grieving child though they held no blood bond, the bond from the long years was strong, made stronger by the fact that Shomgar was still an adolescent a child by dwarf standards. The next day Forick passed away.

Shomgar spent the next week with his mother whose health was quickly deteriorating after the death of her beloved husband, he did his best to comfort her and keep her alive, but she soon passed on as well, leaving Shomgar and the troop members of the same age as the oldest members as all their parents had recently passed. A month later Anla died as well<comma? completing Shomgar's misery.
a sad part of the story, well told, Shomgar.
Shomgar felt the loss so heavily that he left one of his adoptive cousins to lead the troop while he mourned. Shomgar broke the tradition he had upheld for more then fifty years of his life and did not take a new pup for more than five years wishing to prolong the time before he would feel the pain of loss again. However after little more then seven years Shomgar rejoined his cousins of the troop with renewed vigor almost as if nothing had happened and continued to live his life as before always training to entertain others.

For the years after his rejoining of the group he held and still holds the two bags his mother made him when he was around thirty-seven, and the flask his father used in his youth, a bright orange thing made of leather and of average size, as the most precious of his possessions. It was also during this time that he acquired his assorted sets of dice that he carries with him everywhere for gambling.

In his eighty-seventh year the last of the troop that he considered brothers, sisters and cousins passed away leaving only the younger generations, though some of these ‘younger’ people were still old by human standards. Shomgar was finally beginning to feel more like an adult as he was reaching maturity for a dwarf, though he did not know it. However unbeknownst to him he would always be viewed as an oddity by other dwarves as he would never go through the dwarfish rights of passage.

In the next few decades leading to his separation from the troop that he obtained the clothing that he possesses to this day, his winter outfit was a gift from one he considered a nephew, who felt that his uncle deserved a more entertaining fur grab then the drab brown wool he was wearing. His lighter clothing he had made himself by a seamstress in Valdor.

It was Shomgar’s one hundred and tenth year, another generation had passed away, and he was beginning to feel more detached from the members of the troop, seeing as he was 2 or three human generations older then the eldest of the troop members. It was thus that he passed leadership to Nayena, the daughter of the nephew who had bestowed Shomgar with his winter garb and left the troop with his two Kardion pups Grock and Sentha.

During Shomgar’s one hundred and thirteenth year he fell victim to his trusting nature and had all of his money stolen from him in the middle of the night by a traveling companion, he passed it off has ill luck and moved on not disappointed. Later that year Sentha gave birth to four young pups, one of which died shortly there after, and another who lived only a month. The other two lived, one Shomgar named Benk and the other he named Weck, a few months later Shomgar sold Weck to a breeder but kept Benk as his own to train.

Shomgar has continued to wander Sarvonia with no other goal then to enjoy himself, live and to entertain others.

Weapons:   A Quarterstaff-Halfling Quarterstaff mixture made of black birch, it is smaller then a quarterstaff but thicker then a Halfling quarter staff providing for excellent balance for Shomgar. He wields his quarterstaff defensively his style consisting particularly of parrys and counterattacks that wear his opponents down before he can either flee, peacefully end the fight, or deliver a temporarily debilitating blow. Though his style is non-aggressive he is capable of delivering a killing blow if he must. if he's learnt to use the quarterstaff as a performer, does he know how to fight purely for show, like a performing swordsman might? if so, you could stick it in here breifly - also, might that inform how he fights if/when he fights for real?

Belongings: Quarterstaff, clothing, a rainbow hued cotton bag with secret pockets inside made by his adoptive mother to carry his belongings, a smaller bag of similar design carrying dog biscuits of his family troops special formula, assorted dice, money, and a leather flask dyed Sor’Invyt orange that usually contains brandy. 

Familiars:
Three Kardion hounds, one primarily Nor’sidian adult male with snow colored feet named Grock, Grock is exactly one ped in length from head to tail, weighing three heb and eight od, standing one fore and two palmspan off the ground. One female colored in the many shades of gray named Sentha, Sentha is two fore in length, weighing two heb and nine od, standing one fore and one palmspan off the ground. One snow white male pup named Benk, Benk is one fore in length, weighs one heb and two od, and stands two palmspan off the ground.

None of the hounds are vicious animals they are all friendly and loving animals having never had issues with biting anyone. They would much rather bury a person in a flurry of licking.

Grock is four and a half years old, he is watchful of Shomgar and the other hounds being the most attentive of the three. Grock is capable of performing such tricks as rolling over, a little flip, somersaults, and the obeying of Shomgar’s commands.

Sentha is capable of all the same tricks as Grock being raised at the same time by Shomgar, Sentha is the more energetic then Grock being able to actively perform/run almost half again as long as Grock.

Benk is currently incapable of performing the tricks his parents can, he has however began learning the basics of obedience, such as no defecating indoors or on property. Benk is a cute little puppy who nibbles while licking but does not bite, he enjoys playing with people and attempting to chase his parents down.

like i said, this is a very original idea, and it looks like you're carrying it off very well. as you'll have seen, i couldn't find much wrong here - you can tell i've not much to say when i resort to spelling and grammar. you've got a good character here, and i'm interested to see how he turns out.

[Azhira Styralias]

Hello Shomgar! Nice CD you have here. You still working on it? I'll make it a work in progress until fionn's comments are integrated and you are ready for more comment. Hope to see you soon. 

[Shomgar]

There we are, your generous, and very helpful modifications have been integrated Fionn, Thank you very much . And i feel I am now ready for more! I relish the idea of perfecting myself! In the non-perfect sort of way

[Azhira Styralias]

Heya Shomgar! I am glad to see this CD back.   Looks good overall. Just a few nitpicks as follows.

Strengths

3.   Entertainment: Shomgar is one of those people who you just can’t help but smile and laugh at, his disposition is humorous and he is usually capable of putting a smile on anyone’s face, making it easier for him to converse and deal with people.

I would be clear if this were more about your friendly personality. Maybe called it "Amicability". You are friendly, quick to trust and avoid confrontation.

4.   Dogs: Having grown up with a dog, and never had a period of his life without a canine companion Shomgar has a way with all animals of the canine persuasion; he is capable of breeding, training, and selling (with some skill) most canids. Also as a little contingency plan Shomgar always carries a small bag of dog biscuits, a special recipe he learned from his family days.
5.   Companions: Shomgar is accompanied by three Kardion hounds, 2 adults, 1 male and 1 female, and a male pup. The pup is young and knows little yet, but the two adults are capable of performing tricks and following some simple commands. None of the hounds have been taught to fight or be aggressive.

These two strengths say pretty much the same thing. I would combine them. You are correct in listing your dogs as a strengths, just make one paragraph about it.

Weaknesses

2.   Second to Act: Due to his upbringing Shomgar is never the first to act. He is more passive then aggressive, only retaliating instead of being first to strike, and only retaliating if he must; he would much rather avoid the confrontation.  A common occurrence do to this is that people sometimes think Shomgar is slow in the head, because he acts carefully and picks his words so as to try best not to anger someone.

This seems more like a strength and not a weaknesses. Unless you can make it somehow inhibit your daily life, it can be removed. You could perhaps make one weaknesses as "Misunderstood" since typically people mistake you for being odd or slow minded when in fact you are not.

Familiars

The Kardion hound is a dog native to the North, in the Kanapan lands. That is very far away from Southern Sarvonia. Obtaining a dog from the Kanapan lands might not be easy given the distance, not to mention three of them. It is possible if you obtained them from a special animal caretaker or breeder. Also, such an animal from a far off place would be rare and cost alot of coin if the breeder was in the business. I don't think a Kardion breed would be given to you for free. A better explanation of how the Kardion came to be in your possession would be best or choose another dog breed.

The reason I mention it is because it would not be fair to take any animal from anywhere in the world and make it your familiar. Its a bit like cheating if you can't explain reasonably how your character would have something not otherwise available. If the animal is not native to your area, it is less likely you would have one.

Yeah its just a dog, but if I allow it, I can't tell the next character from Remusia that they can't have a Ximax rat...two completely different regions and lands.

Hope that makes sense.  

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