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Author Topic: Vincente Vandree/Centoraurian Men/Mercenary  (Read 1433 times)
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Vincente Vandree
New Santharian

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Posts: 8



« on: December 14, 2009, 10:52:01 AM »

Changes in red.

Name: Vincente Vandree
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Race: Human
Tribe: Centoraurian
Occupation: Mercenary
Title: The Human Abstract

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan
Weight: I Pygge, 5 Hebs
Hair Colour: Eophran Brown
Eye Colour: Vontromarine

Portrait:


Physical Appearance:
Vincente is not a very large man, the top of his head rising just over the shoulder of a normal man, and his chest almost a palmspan thinner than most men. His small stature betrays his strength however, for wiry muscles run under his skin as he moves, though they are not evident unless he is straining or fighting. His hair is a fairly normal color, though it is just a shade lighter than most Centoraurian menís, but his eyes are fairly abnormal. They are a very elegant blue, with just a hint of green, and they alone show the man Vincente really is. His skin is a fairly light shade, though you couldnít quite call him pale, and is scarred by years of hardship, though his face is not marred by such imperfections.. He often wears a slightly emotionless expressions, though a sly smile or a daunting scowl are common as well. Overall he is an attractive man, a few flaws, as none are devoid of them, but his appearance hides the scarred being he is inside.

Clothing:
Normally youíll find Vincente in a sleeveless tunic (typically green or red) with a dark brown leather vest layered on top. He prefers to be unhindered when fighting, though the vest offers some protection against blunt strikes, but not enough to protect him fron the cut of a sword or axe. His pants are standard breeches made of thick cloth, for warmth more than anything. He wears padded leather boots most of the time, though occasionally he will put on sandals. He carries around an extra set of all his clothes should they get muddy or wet, and he carries a coat made of leather and animal furs to protect him from the cold.

Personality:
Vincente is a seemingly normal person at first, as normal as a mercenary can be anyway. He is friendly, clever, fairly humorous, and he can be quite charming when he feels the need. Deeper down though, there is a much scarier version of Vincente, a monster that was born in the depths of him during the ten years in the Paelelon. All the solitude and the vicious, simplistic way of life eventually got to him, slowly warping him in to a slightly insane killer. Upon his escape though, there was nothing left for him to do but use the skill at killing he had acquired over his time in the home of the Eophyrhim. That is what motivated him to become a mercenary, and he has little to no morals when it comes to his job, after all, he still views things like he did in the Paelelon: kill or be killed. This part of his personality is rarely shown to anyone; unless someone gets too close to him or offends him.

Strengths:
-Survival Skills: Years of solitude in the Paelelon have given him many survival skills most donít have. He has no problem working his way out of bad situations.
-Weapon Skills: Using daggers for years against the Eophyrhim has given Vincente an incredible finesse and skill while using his own set of twin daggers.
-Physical Ability:Living in a dangerous place for years has given Vincente a physical edge that most donít have. Not only is he strong for his size, but fast and agile as well.
-Social Skills: Vincente is a good talker when he needs to be; whether itís getting a higher price out of a client or getting information from someone.
-Lack of Morals: While most would consider this a bad thing, it is a good thing in many ways for Vincente. It gives him a much wider range of opportunity for being hired, as he has no problem completing any task as long as he is payed.

Weaknesses:
-Mental State: Though Vincente can appear to be a normal, friendly person it is mostly a facade, and the darker side of him is always leering at him from the depths of his mind. The years in the Paelelon did little good for him, and he is constantly on the verge of snapping. Because of this he rarely becomes anything more than an acquaintance to most people, as much by his own choice as people fearing him. That isnít to say itís not possible, just hard for him.
-Lack of Morals: Even though it has his benefits, it still has itís flaws as wells. Vincenteís lack of morals can be appalling to some, causing them to fear and hate him. At the same time it pushes him just a little farther away from himself, the version of hin he feels that the Eophyrhim stole.
-Hate of Eophyrhim: Because he was brought in to the Paelelon by an Eophyrhim raiding party, he blames that entire part of his life and itís results of all Eophyrhim. His hate for them is true and endless, and he often has to control himself when he sees them. Luckily they do not leave their forest often.
-Dangerous Occupation: Though Vincente is skilled and lives on the edge by choice, that doesnít mean heís immune to all the dangers that come along with being a mercenary. He is put in life threatening situations all the time, and even he canít always get away unscathed.
-Drinker: Like many who go through traumatic events Vincent eventually found out that drinking was a solution; a path to temporary sanity. While he has yet to get truly addicted to alcohol he is still aa very bad drinker, often blacking out in taverns or doing worse.
-Sensitivity to Light: The Paelelon is not a place that the sun reached often, and even though he has been out of the forest for a while light still hurts his eyes, and he has a high tendency to get sunburned. This flaw may get better with time, but there is no way of telling.

History:
Vincente was born in to a very wealthy family, and during his early life he knew all the various pleasures, vices, benefits, and flaws of being wealthy. His father was a merchant, and his mother a typical housewife, though she did often help out with his dadís occupation. Vincente grew up ready to become a merchant, often going on travels with his parents to buy goods to sell once they got back home. Most of these expeditions were uneventful and boring, but Vincente knew he had to take up his fatherís place someday, so he obediently learned how to market and sell like a true merchant. He was discontent with the fact that his life had been predetermined long before he was born, but that was the way things seemed to work, and he accepted that fact well.

That didnít stop him from dreaming and hoping that something would happen, than something would change in his life to take him out of his current station and in to a new one, a station where he would be remembered for more than selling overpriced goods. He had no idea that the change he was wishing for would come, and if he had known it would come in the way it did, he wouldnít have hoped for it; he would have gone on with his life as normal, becoming a merchant like his father. That wasnít a choice though.

One day, somewhere in Vincenteís 18th year he was on a caravan with his mother, father, and several other merchants going to pick up goods. They took the quick and easy way they normally did, the way that ran right along the border of the Paelelon forest, though they had no idea that was a mistake. This year happened to be the year of the Eophyrhimís Arvinís Festival, and like tradition dictates, a small group of Eophyrhim hunters raided their caravan, capturing all the people aboard, including him and his family.

They were carried through the forest for what felt like days, the dark Elfin captors laughing at their inability to escape or fight back, the vicious hunting dogs barking at them, and the steadily decreasing amount of light as they went deeper in to the forest. After several hours of walking he lost all hope of escape, and resigned himself to the fact that he would be dead soon, slain by the blade of a lowly elf who didnít even have the courtesy to fight fairly. Just as things seemed to fall in to the deepest pit of despair, as the light was almost gone, something happened.

One of the Eophyrhim Hounds noticed it before anyone else did, but the elves just ignored itís barks and cries, thinking it was just hungry. Then a full grown bear attacked the procession of fugitives and their captors, sending everything and everyone in to complete disarray. Vincente managed to free himself from the grip of one of the Elves as the bear barreled through, and without a second thought he took off at a full sprint, running as fast as he could away from his captors, knowing that there was no point in looking back, and that he would be lucky if he made it out alive.

After several minutes of running he finally slowed down, trying to center himself and focus on where he was, hoping that he would be able to escape the forest. There was no trail though, nothing to help him find his way out of this cursed forest. Then the reality of things hit him: he was trapped in a forest full of one of the deadliest races in the lands, not to mention all the animals and lack of food. He sat back against a tree and cried, knowing that he wouldnít last long.

The first few weeks were a hell for him: constantly trying to scavenge food and water, running from animals, and avoiding all of the Eophyrhim he saw. He still cried every night then, cursing whatever gods there were for the fate they had placed upon him, and cursing that Eophyrhim for taking his life away. It was during these first few weeks that the first cracks in his being appeared, that the first signs of mental unhinging became apparent.

After a while he lost count of time, lost track of how to count time, but he also found out survival was possible, however unlikely. He could find large tree branches and sharpen them with stones to hunt for food, and there were plenty of wild plants that he could harvest, and plenty of streams he could drink from. He became accustomed to living in such a dangerous environment, and he continued to put more and more distance between who he was before and who he was now, putting more space between sanity and his current state.

Then he began to encounter the hunters who had put him in this miserable place to begin with. He started out by spying on them, using the stealth he had gained by stalking animals to avoid detection. This was just the beginning though, for soon he started stealing supplies that were left untended, such as a canteen and a sharpening tool. As time passed he got even bolder, moving on to killing their hounds when they were sent out. At first the loss of the dogs was just thought to be a large predator, but as more an more dissappeared they began to suspect something strange was killing their hounds.

Then two elves found Vincente one night, while he was drinking from one of the canteens he had stolen. At first they were surprised to see a human living in their forest, but once the shock wore off they knew it was time to dispose of him. Vincente knew he had no chance against two skilled hunters, so he ran around the familiar areas of the forest(areas that were familiar to him at least), eventually separating the two drow. Then he killed them silently one by one: spearing them in the throats while they were not looking. He collected everything he could use from their corpses, including two daggers, the same daggers he uses to this day.

The battle against the hunters gave him a new found strength, a confidence that was unshakable. He knew now that he could survive without fear of the Eophyrhim, and that with their tools the forest would be a much more hospitable place. He would escape one day, he just had to wait until he got the chance. So he waited.

Eventually time became a concept that didnít register to Vincente, and things were a lot easier that way. Slowly but surely he was straying farther and farther away from humanity, becoming a predatory animal that lived on itís instinct. For the next few years things remained this way: he hunted animals, he killed any Eophyrhim who saw him, and he became less and less of a human. He was no longer Vincente Vandree at this time.

Then one day, while he was stalking a group of Eophyrhim in an attempt to get new supplies, he noticed he could see sunlight filtering in through the thick trees. It had been a long time since he had seen sunlight like this, and though it hurt his eyes he followed the Eophyrhim in to it, in hopes that this was his way out. Not too long after his discovery he could see the edge of the forest, off in the distance. His time in the forest was at an end, he could become a human once again.

He took care not to let the Eophyrhim notice him as he slipped out of the thick trees on the border of the Paelelon. Thankfully it was nightfall now, and he could open his eyes again. He had absolutely no idea where he was; he was just as lost with his eyes as he would have been without them. It had been so long since he had seen the outside world that he had forgotten what it looked like, but he didnít care. He was free, finally free.

It took him several weeks to find a civilization, but he searched dilligently and eventually came across a small village. The people of the village were scared of him at first; he looked insane with his expressionless face and ragged clothes, and he couldnít quite remember how to form words. He listened to the villagers talk though, and after a while the familiarity of speech came back to him, and he was able to tell his story to the villagers. They pitied him, and gave him fresh clothes, supplies, food, and a place to stay for a few nights. Then it was time to move on again. He left with a map of the local area and went in search of cities.

It wasnít too long before he found one, but he had no place to stay, no money, and no way of making it. Then he overheard people talking about a local noble hiring mercenaries to go hunt wolves for their furs, and he searched for the noble, and accepted the job. He hunted several wolves down, then skinned them and took the furs back to the noble, and he was paid well for his work. He continued to do tasks like this for money, and over time they got more and more dangerous, until he was killing and fighting for warring families. Without even realizing it, he had become a mercenary.
     
Weapons:
Vincente uses two daggers as weapons. They are made of light steel with ornate bone handles, and the blades reach just a little over 3 palmspans in length. He keeps them sheathed on his hips at all times, and is always ready to draw them.

Belongings:
Vincente carries around a travel pack full of supplies just in case. Among the supplies are: a compass, a canteen, extra clothes, gloves, a sharpening tool, and a vial of poison he stole from the Eophyrhim, used to coat his daggers when needed.
« Last Edit: December 25, 2009, 03:04:00 PM by Azhira Elrosse » Logged
Valan Nonesuch
Collector of Lore
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Posts: 671


Human, Erpheronian


« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2009, 01:21:15 PM »

Friendly neighbourhood "person whose name you appear to have accidentally co-opted".
Don't suppose it would kill you to ask you to change it?
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Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
Vincente Vandree
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Posts: 8



« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2009, 02:04:01 PM »

Wow, that's an extreme coincidence. Yeah, I'll change it, just need a little bit to think of a new one.
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KalŪna DalŠ'isyrŠs
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High Elf, Każrrhem


« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2009, 02:07:01 PM »

It doesn't have to be anything drastic. Even simply changing the first letter would make a significant enough difference.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Vincente Vandree
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Posts: 8



« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2009, 02:14:40 PM »

It's fixed! Sorry about that, kind of a strange coincidence. Anyway, it's all ready for comments!
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Alexandre Scriabin
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Human, Erpheronian/ Rhulran


« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2009, 09:31:44 AM »

I'll be commenting and suggesting in green. Anything you will want to remove for spelling or grammatical purposes will be in red.

Quote from: Vincente Vandree
link=topic=7359.msg272321#msg272321 date=1260755521
Name: Vincente Vandree
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Race: Human
Tribe: Centoraurian
Occupation: Mercenary
Title: The Forest Warrior

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan
Weight: I Pygge, 5 Hebs
Hair Colour: Eophran Brown
Eye Colour: Vontromarine

Portrait:


Physical Appearance:
Vincente is not a very large man, the top of his head rising just over the shoulder of a normal man, and his chest almost a palmspan thinner than most men. His small stature betrays his strength however, for wiry muscles run under his skin as he moves, though they are not evident unless he is straining or fighting. His hair is a fairly normal color, though it is just a shade lighter than most Centoraurian menís, but his eyes are fairly abnormal. They are a very elegant blue, with just a hint of green, and they alone show the man Valen (His name is Vincinte, so you will want to go through and fix any and all spots where you still call him Valen. really is. His skin is a fairly light shade, though you couldnít quite call him pale, and is scarred by years of hardship, though his face is not marred by such imperfections.. He often wears a slightly emotionless expressions, though a sly smile or a daunting scowl are common as well. Overall he is an attractive man, a few flaws, as none are devoid of them, but his appearance hides the scarred being he is inside.

Clothing:
Normally youíll find Vincente in a sleeveless tunic, normally A little confusing that you use "normally" twice in the same sentence; feels as if you're starting a new sentence green of brown, with a leather vest over it, again green or brown. He prefers to be unhindered when fighting, though the vest offers some protection against blunt strikes, same with this sentence, as you put in "though" twice though not really enough to matter. His pants are standard breeches made of thick cloth, for warmth more than anything. He wears padded leather boots most of the time, though occasionally he will put on sandals. He carries around an extra set of all his clothes should they get muddy or wet, and he carries a coat made of leather and animal furs to protect him from the cold.

Personality:
Vincente is a seemingly normal person at first, as normal as a mercenary can be anyway. He is friendly, clever, and fairly humorous as well, and he can be quite charming when he feels the need. Deeper down though, there is a much scarier version of Vincente; a monster that was born in the depths of him during the ten years in the Paelelon. All the solitude and the vicious, simplistic way of life eventually got to him, slowly warping him into a slightly insane killer. Upon his escape though, there was nothing left for him to do but use the skill at killing he had acquired over his time in the home of the Eophyrhim. That is what motivated him to become a mercenary, and he has little to no morals when it comes to his job; after all, he still views things like he did in the Paelelon: kill or be killed. This part of his personality is rarely shown to anyone; unless someone gets too close to him or offends him.

Strengths:
-Survival Skills: Years of solitude in the Paelelon have given him many survival skills most donít have. He no nor problem working his way out of bad situations.
-Weapon Skills: Using daggers for years against the Eophyrhim has given Vincente an incredible finesse and skill while using his own set of twin daggers.
-Physical Ability: Living in a dangerous place for years has given Vincente a physical edge that most donít have. Not only is he strong for his size, but fast and agile as well.
-Social Skills: Vincente is a good talker when he needs to be; whether itís getting a higher price out of a client or getting information from someone. He is a ďladyís manĒ when he needs or wants to be, which is rather often.
-Lack of Morals: While most would consider this a bad thing, it is a good thing in many ways for Vincente. It gives him a much wider range of opportunity for being hired, as he has no problem completing any task as long as he is payed.

Weaknesses:
-Mental State: Though Vincente can appear to be a normal, friendly person it is mostly a facade, and the darker side of him is always leering at him from the depths of his mind. The years in the Paelelon did little good for him, and he is constantly on the verge of snapping. Because of this he rarely becomes anything more than an acquaintance to most people, as much by his own choice as people fearing him. That isnít to say itís not possible, just hard for him.
-Lack of Morals: Even though it has his benefits, it still has itís flaws as wells. Vincenteís lack of morals can be appalling to some, causing them to fear and hate him. At the same time it pushes him just a little farther away from himself, the version of him he feels that the Eophyrhim stole.
-Hate of Eophyrhim: Because he was brought in to the Paelelon by an Eophyrhim raiding party, he blames that entire part of his life and itís results of all Eophyrhim. His hate for them is true and endless, and he often has to control himself when he sees them. Luckily they do not leave their forest often.
-Dangerous Occupation: Though Vincente is skilled and lives on the edge by choice, that doesnít mean heís immune to all the dangers that come along with being a mercenary. He is put in life threatening situations all the time, and even he canít always get away unscathed.
-Sensitivity to Light: The Paelelon is not a place that the sun reached often, and even though he has been out of the forest for a while light still hurts his eyes, and he has a high tendency to get sunburned. This flaw may get better with time, but there is no way of telling.

These Strengths and Weaknesses seem a little unbalanced. He is charismatic, ruthless, agile, strong, very skilled with his weapons, and has good survival skills. That sounds more than a little well rounded.

History:
Vincente was born in to a very wealthy family, and during his early life he knew all the various pleasures, vices, benefits, and flaws of being wealthy. His father was a merchant, and his mother a typical housewife, though she did often help out with his dadís occupation. Vincente grew up ready to become a merchant, often going on travels with his parents to buy goods to sell once they got back home. Most of these expeditions were uneventful and boring, but Vincente knew he had to take up his fatherís place someday, so he obediently learned how to market and sell like a true merchant. He was discontent with the fact that his life had been predetermined long before he was born, but that was the way things seemed to work, and he accepted that fact well.

That didnít stop him from dreaming and hoping that something would happen; that something would change in his life to take him out of his current station and in to a new one, a station where he would be remembered for more than selling overpriced goods. He had no idea that the change he was wishing for would come, and if he had known it would come in the way it did, he wouldnít have hoped for it; he would have gone on with his life as normal, becoming a merchant like his father. That wasnít a choice though.

One day, somewhere in Vincenteís 18th year he was on a caravan with his mother, father, and several other merchants going to pick up goods. They took the quick and easy way they normally did, the way that ran right along the border of the Paelelon forest, though they had no idea that was a mistake. This year happened to be the year of the Eophyrhimís Arvinís Festival, and like tradition dictates, a small group of Eophyrhim hunters raided their caravan, capturing all the people aboard, including him and his family.

They were carried through the forest for what felt like days, the dark Elfin captors laughing at their inability to escape or fight back, the vicious hunting dogs barking at them, and the steadily decreasing amount of light as they went deeper in to the forest. After several hours of walking he lost all hope of escape, and resigned himself to the fact that he would be dead soon, slain by the blade of a lowly elf who didnít even have the courtesy to fight fairly. Just as things seemed to fall in to the deepest pit of despair, as the light was almost gone, something happened.

One of the Eophyrhim Hounds noticed it before anyone else did, but the elves just ignored itís barks and cries, thinking it was just hungry. Then a full grown bear attacked the procession of fugitives and their captors, sending everything and everyone in to complete disarray. Vincente managed to free himself from the grip of one of the Elves as the bear barreled through, and without a second thought he took off at a full sprint, running as fast as he could away from his captors, knowing that there was no point in looking back, and that he would be lucky if he made it out alive.

After several minutes of running he finally slowed down, trying to center himself and focus on where he was, hoping that he would be able to escape the forest. There was no trail though, nothing to help him find his way out of this cursed forest. Then the reality of things hit him: he was trapped in a forest full of one of the deadliest races in the lands, not to mention all the animals and lack of food. He sat back against a tree and cried, knowing that he wouldnít last long.

The first few weeks were a hell for him: constantly trying to scavenge food and water, running from animals, and avoiding all of the Eophyrhim he saw. He still cried every night then, cursing whatever gods there were for the fate they had placed upon him, and cursing that Eophyrhim for taking his life away. It was during these first few weeks that the first cracks in his being appeared, that the first signs of mental unhinging became apparent.

After a while he lost count of time, lost track of how to count time, but he also found out survival was possible, however unlikely. He could find large tree branches and sharpen them with stones to hunt for food, and there were plenty of wild plants that he could harvest, and plenty of streams he could drink from. He became accustomed to living in such a dangerous environment, and he continued to put more and more distance between who he was before and who he was now, putting more space between sanity and his current state.

Then he began to encounter the hunters who had put him in this miserable place to begin with. He started out by spying on them, using the stealth he had gained by stalking animals to avoid detection. This was just the beginning though, for soon he started stealing supplies that were left untended, such as a canteen and a sharpening tool. As time passed he got even bolder, moving on to killing their hounds when they were sent out. At first the loss of the dogs was just thought to be a large predator, but as more an more dissappeared they began to suspect something strange was killing their hounds.

Then two elves found Vincente one night, while he was drinking from one of the canteens he had stolen. At first they were surprised to see a human living in their forest, but once the shock wore off they knew it was time to dispose of him. Vincente knew he had no chance against two skilled hunters, so he ran around the familiar areas of the forest(areas that were familiar to him at least), eventually separating the two drow. Then he killed them silently one by one: spearing them in the throats while they were not looking. He collected everything he could use from their corpses, including two daggers, the same daggers he uses to this day.

The battle against the hunters gave him a new found strength, a confidence that was unshakable. He knew now that he could survive without fear of the Eophyrhim, and that with their tools the forest would be a much more hospitable place. He would escape one day, he just had to wait until he got the chance. So he waited.

Eventually time became a concept that didnít register to Vincente, and things were a lot easier that way. Slowly but surely he was straying farther and farther away from humanity, becoming a predatory animal that lived on itís instinct. For the next few years things remained this way: he hunted animals, he killed any Eophyrhim who saw him, and he became less and less of a human. He was no longer Vincente Vandree at this time.

Then one day, while he was stalking a group of Eophyrhim in an attempt to get new supplies, he noticed he could see sunlight filtering in through the thick trees. It had been a long time since he had seen sunlight like this, and though it hurt his eyes he followed the Eophyrhim in to it, in hopes that this was his way out. Not too long after his discovery he could see the edge of the forest, off in the distance. His time in the forest was at an end, he could become a human once again.

He took care not to let the Eophyrhim notice him as he slipped out of the thick trees on the border of the Paelelon. Thankfully it was nightfall now, and he could open his eyes again. He had absolutely no idea where he was; he was just as lost with his eyes as he would have been without them. It had been so long since he had seen the outside world that he had forgotten what it looked like, but he didnít care. He was free, finally free.

It took him several weeks to find a civilization, but he searched dilligently and eventually came across a small village. The people of the village were scared of him at first; he looked insane with his expressionless face and ragged clothes, and he couldnít quite remember how to form words. He listened to the villagers talk though, and after a while the familiarity of speech came back to him, and he was able to tell his story to the villagers. They pitied him, and gave him fresh clothes, supplies, food, and a place to stay for a few nights. Then it was time to move on again. He left with a map of the local area and went in search of cities.

It wasnít too long before he found one, but he had no place to stay, no money, and no way of making it. Then he overheard people talking about a local noble hiring mercenaries to go hunt wolves for their furs, and he searched for the noble, and accepted the job. He hunted several wolves down, then skinned them and took the furs back to the noble, and he was paid well for his work. He continued to do tasks like this for money, and over time they got more and more dangerous, until he was killing and fighting for warring families. Without even realizing it, he had become a mercenary.

Your history seems just fine. Good job.
     
Weapons:
Vincente uses two daggers as weapons. They are made of light steel with ornate bone handles, and the blades reach just a little over 3 palmspans in length. He keeps them sheathed on his hips at all times, and is always ready to draw them.

Belongings:
Vincente carries around a travel pack full of supplies just in case. Among the supplies are: a compass, a canteen, extra clothes, gloves, a sharpening tool, and a vial of poison he stole from the Eophyrhim, used to coat his daggers when needed.

Your cd seems well on it's way already. Thanks for the read, and have a good one.
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The statement above this is true.

Alexandre Scriabin CD
Vincente Vandree
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« Reply #6 on: December 15, 2009, 10:02:49 AM »

Thanks for you comments and suggestions! I've fixed all the grammatical errors as well as added more to the weaknessed to even him out. Ready for comments again! :)
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Irid alMenie
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« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2009, 03:16:11 AM »

Changes in red.

Name: Vincente Vandree
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Race: Human
Tribe: Centoraurian
Occupation: Mercenary
Title: The Human Abstract

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fores, 1 Palmspan
Weight: I Pygge, 5 Hebs
Hair Colour: Eophran Brown
Eye Colour: Vontromarine

Portrait:


Physical Appearance:
Vincente is not a very large man, the top of his head rising just over the shoulder of a normal man, and his chest almost a palmspan thinner than most men.That's pretty accurate, considering that a chest size pretty much varies from man to man His small stature betrays Betrays = he is strong and he looks it too. I think the word you are looking for is 'belies' his strength however, for wiry muscles run under his skin as he moves, though they are not evident unless he is straining or fighting. His hair is a fairly normal color, though it is just a shade lighter than most Centoraurian menís, but his eyes are fairly abnormal. They are a very elegant blue, with just a hint of green, and they alone show the man Vincente really is. From the entry on Centaurorians. "However, a typical male Centoraurian is traditionally displayed as sunburned thin, muscular with dark hair and blue eyes and with a height of approximately 1.75 peds." Two things to remark therefore: 1) Vincente is not smaller than most men of his tribe, he is the exact average height. And 2) what makes his eyes so special, considering that many Centoraurians have blue eyes in different shades? His skin is a fairly light shade, though you couldnít quite call him pale, and is scarred by years of hardship, though his face is not marred by such imperfections.. He often wears a slightly emotionless expressions expression, though a sly smile or a daunting scowl are common as well. Overall he is an attractive man, a few flaws, as none are devoid of them, but his appearance hides the scarred being he is inside.

Clothing:
Normally youíll find Vincente in a sleeveless tunic (typically green or red) with a dark brown leather vest layered on top. He prefers to be unhindered when fighting, though the vest offers some protection against blunt strikes, but not enough to protect him fron from the cut of a sword or axe. His pants are standard breeches made of thick cloth, for warmth more than anything. He wears padded leather boots most of the time, though occasionally he will put on sandals. He carries around an extra set of all his clothes should they get muddy or wet, and he carries a coat made of leather and animal furs to protect him from the cold.

Personality:
Vincente is a seemingly normal person at first, as normal as a mercenary can be anyway. He is friendly, clever, fairly humorous, and he can be quite charming when he feels the need. Deeper down though, there is a much scarier version of Vincente, a monster that was born in the depths of him during the ten years in the Paelelon. All the solitude and the vicious, simplistic way of life eventually got to him, slowly warping him in to a slightly insane killer. Upon his escape though, there was nothing left for him to do but use the skill at killing he had acquired over his time in the home of the Eophyrhim. That is what motivated him to become a mercenary, and he has little to no morals when it comes to his job, after all, he still views things like he did in the Paelelon: kill or be killed. This part of his personality is rarely shown to anyone; unless someone gets too close to him or offends him. So what about other parts of his personality? What is he like in public? Does he make friends easily or does he keep to himself? Does he hold other people/races/etc in contempt? If so, does he show it?
Personality is one of the most important parts of a CD, so I would like to see this a little bit more worked out, as this defines how the character will be played.


Strengths:
-Survival Skills: Years of solitude in the Paelelon have given him many survival skills most donít have. He has no problem working his way out of bad situations.Can you give some examples of these survival skills and the bad situations they got him out of?
-Weapon Skills: Using daggers for years against the Eophyrhim has given Vincente an incredible finesse and skill while using his own set of twin daggers.
-Physical Ability:Living in a dangerous place for years has given Vincente a physical edge that most donít have. Not only is he strong for his size, but fast and agile as well.
-Social Skills: Vincente is a good talker when he needs to be; whether itís getting a higher price out of a client or getting information from someone.
-Lack of Morals: While most would consider this a bad thing, it is a good thing in many ways for Vincente. It gives him a much wider range of opportunity for being hired, as he has no problem completing any task as long as he is payed.paid

Weaknesses:
-Mental State: Though Vincente can appear to be a normal, friendly person it is mostly a facade, and the darker side of him is always leering at him from the depths of his mind. The years in the Paelelon did little good for him except, you know, making him strong, fast, agile, good with weapons and good in surviving ;), and he is constantly on the verge of snapping. Because of this he rarely becomes anything more than an acquaintance to most people, as much by his own choice as people fearing him. If he appears to be a normal, friendly person, why do people fear him? What happens when he snaps? (possibly add this to the personality?) That isnít to say itís not possible, just hard for him.
-Lack of Morals: Even though it has his benefits, it still has itís flaws as wells. Vincenteís lack of morals can be appalling to some, causing them to fear and hate him. At the same time it pushes him just a little farther away from himself, the version of hin him he feels that the Eophyrhim stole.
-Hate of Eophyrhim: Because he was brought in to the Paelelon by an Eophyrhim raiding party, he blames that entire part of his life and itís results of all Eophyrhim. His hate for them is true and endless, and he often has to control himself when he sees them. Luckily they do not leave their forest often. So what makes this a weakness, if he rarely sees an Eophyrhim?
-Dangerous Occupation: Though Vincente is skilled and lives on the edge by choice, that doesnít mean heís immune to all the dangers that come along with being a mercenary. He is put in life threatening situations all the time, and even he canít always get away unscathed.
-Drinker: Like many who go through traumatic events Vincent eventually found out that drinking was a solution; a path to temporary sanity. While he has yet to get truly addicted to alcohol he is still aa very bad drinker, often blacking out in taverns or doing worse.
-Sensitivity to Light: The Paelelon is not a place that the sun reached often, and even though he has been out of the forest for a while light still hurts his eyes, and he has a high tendency to get sunburned. This flaw may get better with time, but there is no way of telling.

History:
Vincente was born in to a very wealthy family, and during his early life he knew all the various pleasures, vices, benefits, and flaws of being wealthy. His father was a merchant, and his mother a typical housewife, though she did often help out with his dadís occupation. Vincente grew up ready to become a merchant, often going on travels with his parents to buy goods to sell once they got back home. Most of these expeditions were uneventful and boring, but Vincente knew he had to take up his fatherís place someday, so he obediently learned how to market and sell like a true merchant. He was discontent with the fact that his life had been predetermined long before he was born, but that was the way things seemed to work, and he accepted that fact well.

That didnít stop him from dreaming and hoping that something would happen, than something would change in his life to take him out of his current station and in to a new one, a station where he would be remembered for more than selling overpriced goods. He had no idea that the change he was wishing for would come, and if he had known it would come in the way it did, he wouldnít have hoped for it; he would have gone on with his life as normal, becoming a merchant like his father. That wasnít a choice though.

One day, somewhere in Vincenteís 18th year he was on a caravan with his mother, father, and several other merchants going to pick up goods. They took the quick and easy way they normally did, the way that ran right along the border of the Paelelon forest, though they had no idea that was a mistake. This year happened to be the year of the Eophyrhimís Arvinís Festival, and like tradition dictates, a small group of Eophyrhim hunters raided their caravan, capturing all the people aboard, including him and his family. Why everyone? From the Eophyrhim entry: "Each colony selects a human from a passing caravan to take in shortly before the festival is to take place." This would suggest that the one raiding party would take one human only and either kill the rest or make sure they can't enter the forest.

They were carried through the forest for what felt like days, the dark Elfin captors laughing at their inability to escape or fight back, the vicious hunting dogs barking at them, and the steadily decreasing amount of light as they went deeper in to the forest. After several hours of walking he lost all hope of escape, and resigned himself to the fact that he would be dead soon, slain by the blade of a lowly elf who didnít even have the courtesy to fight fairly. Just as things seemed to fall in to the deepest pit of despair, as the light was almost gone, something happened.

One of the Eophyrhim Hounds noticed it before anyone else did, but the elves just ignored itís barks and cries, thinking it was just hungry. I'm pretty sure the Eophyrhim would know the difference between a hungry dog and one that sniffed out a bear... Then a full grown bear attacked the procession of fugitives and their captors, Why? Bears are very intelligent creatures. They're not going to attack a large number of people if they can help it. sending everything and everyone in to complete disarray. Vincente managed to free himself from the grip of one of the Elves as the bear barreled through, and without a second thought he took off at a full sprint, running as fast as he could away from his captors, knowing that there was no point in looking back, and that he would be lucky if he made it out alive.

After several minutes of running he finally slowed down, trying to center himself and focus on where he was, hoping that he would be able to escape the forest. There was no trail though, nothing to help him find his way out of this cursed forest. Then the reality of things hit him: he was trapped in a forest full of one of the deadliest races in the lands, not to mention all the animals and lack of food. He sat back against a tree and cried, knowing that he wouldnít last long.

The first few weeks were a hell for him: constantly trying to scavenge food and water, running from animals, and avoiding all of the Eophyrhim he saw. He still cried every night then, cursing whatever gods there were for the fate they had placed upon him, and cursing that Eophyrhim for taking his life away. It was during these first few weeks that the first cracks in his being appeared, that the first signs of mental unhinging became apparent.

After a while he lost count of time, lost track of how to count time, but he also found out survival was possible, however unlikely. He could find large tree branches and sharpen them with stones to hunt for food, and there were plenty of wild plants that he could harvest, and plenty of streams he could drink from. He became accustomed to living in such a dangerous environment, and he continued to put more and more distance between who he was before and who he was now, putting more space between sanity and his current state. The Paelalon is not that big of a forest. I'm pretty sure by that time he could have found his way to a border. What's keeping him?

Then he began to encounter the hunters who had put him in this miserable place to begin with. He started out by spying on them, using the stealth he had gained by stalking animals to avoid detection. This was just the beginning though, for soon he started stealing supplies that were left untended, such as a canteen and a sharpening tool. As time passed he got even bolder, moving on to killing their hounds when they were sent out. At first the loss of the dogs was just thought to be a large predator, but as more an more dissappeared they began to suspect something strange was killing their hounds. Why draw attention to himself?

Then two elves found Vincente one night, while he was drinking from one of the canteens he had stolen. At first they were surprised to see a human living in their forest, but once the shock wore off they knew it was time to dispose of him. Vincente knew he had no chance against two skilled hunters, so he ran around the familiar areas of the forest(areas that were familiar to him at least), eventually separating the two drow. Then he killed them silently one by one: spearing them in the throats while they were not looking. He collected everything he could use from their corpses, including two daggers, the same daggers he uses to this day.This is... rather unbelievable, if I may be honest. An 18-year-old human, seperating and killing two elves who have known the forest and trained with arms for possibly centuries? I'm afraid you're going to need a lot more explanation here to make it believable. Remember: anything is possible, just explain how it happened. If it sounds plausible, chances are high we'll accept it.

The battle against the hunters gave him a new found strength, a confidence that was unshakable. He knew now that he could survive without fear of the Eophyrhim, and that with their tools the forest would be a much more hospitable place. He would escape one day, he just had to wait until he got the chance. So he waited.

Eventually time became a concept that didnít register to Vincente, and things were a lot easier that way. Slowly but surely he was straying farther and farther away from humanity, becoming a predatory animal that lived on itís instinct. For the next few years things remained this way: he hunted animals, he killed any Eophyrhim who saw him, and he became less and less of a human. He was no longer Vincente Vandree at this time.

Then one day, while he was stalking a group of Eophyrhim in an attempt to get new supplies, he noticed he could see sunlight filtering in through the thick trees. It had been a long time since he had seen sunlight like this, and though it hurt his eyes he followed the Eophyrhim in to it, in hopes that this was his way out. Not too long after his discovery he could see the edge of the forest, off in the distance. His time in the forest was at an end, he could become a human once again.

He took care not to let the Eophyrhim notice him as he slipped out of the thick trees on the border of the Paelelon. Thankfully it was nightfall now, and he could open his eyes again. He had absolutely no idea where he was; he was just as lost with his eyes as he would have been without them. It had been so long since he had seen the outside world that he had forgotten what it looked like, but he didnít care. He was free, finally free.

It took him several weeks to find a civilization, but he searched dilligently and eventually came across a small village. The people of the village were scared of him at first; he looked insane with his expressionless face and ragged clothes, and he couldnít quite remember how to form words. He listened to the villagers talk though, and after a while the familiarity of speech came back to him, and he was able to tell his story to the villagers. They pitied him, and gave him fresh clothes, supplies, food, and a place to stay for a few nights. Then it was time to move on again. He left with a map of the local area and went in search of cities.

It wasnít too long before he found one, but he had no place to stay, no money, and no way of making it. Then he overheard people talking about a local noble hiring mercenaries to go hunt wolves for their furs, and he searched for the noble, and accepted the job. He hunted several wolves down, then skinned them and took the furs back to the noble, and he was paid well for his work. He continued to do tasks like this for money, and over time they got more and more dangerous, until he was killing and fighting for warring families. Without even realizing it, he had become a mercenary.
     
Weapons:
Vincente uses two daggers as weapons. They are made of light steel with ornate bone handles, and the blades reach just a little over 3 palmspans in length. He keeps them sheathed on his hips at all times, and is always ready to draw them. I would like some more explanation in the history of how he came by these daggers.

Belongings:
Vincente carries around a travel pack full of supplies just in case. Among the supplies are: a compass, a canteen, extra clothes, gloves, a sharpening tool, and a vial of poison he stole from the Eophyrhim, used to coat his daggers when needed.

There we go, I hope I helped you get a little bit closer to approval :)

Regards,
Irid
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Stat rosa pristina nomine, nomina nuda tenemus.
Irid al'Menie
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« Reply #8 on: December 25, 2009, 03:03:48 PM »

Changing to pencil work in progress icon so Vincente can work on Irid's comments.  Thumb up
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"Be still and I shall calm your mind and mend your broken body."
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