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Author Topic: Ridgen Sú'ufanán/Cyhallrhim/Water Mage - Tailor  (Read 18314 times)
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Ridgen Sú'ufanán
Mindweaver
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« on: January 27, 2010, 07:31:09 AM »

NOTE:
Edited Sections: Magic, History, S&W, Belongings
New/Revamped Sections (no colour): Appearance, Personality
Changes made by myself will be written in a vibrant orange colour.

Name: Ridgen Sú'ufanán
Gender: Male
Age: 259 (Looks like a 30 year old human and has the knowledge and training of a 40 year old human)
Race: Elf
Tribe: Cyhallrhim Elves
Occupation: Water Magus/Tailor
Magic Level: 4
Title: Mindweaver

Overview:
An eccentric ice elf with a love for magic and a cheerful personality that never seems to waver.

Appearance

Height: 2 peds
Weight: 2 pygges
Hair Color: Very, very, very light Icy Blue
Eye Color: Milk White/Silvery Gray

Portrait:


Physical Appearance:
Ridgen is a two-ped tall Cyhallrhim with looks that would make him stand out in virtually any crowd, even if the crowd happens to be of people of his kind. Despite having looks similar to that of a human in his late twenties/early thirties, his hair is of an unnaturally light shade, and an even odder colour - very light blue. Said hair is often tied behind the elf's back, being long enough to reach his waist, and some of it can be seen covering part of his face as well. Beneath this tangle of oddly coloured hair is a pair of pointed ears, each extending to about a palmspan long - very long ears indeed. His face holds equally sharp features - although admittedly not as sharp as most Cyhallrhim, it exhibits a common Cyhallrhim trait - eyes that are virtually white. If one looks close enough, the eyes are revealed to be a very light shade of silver that matches the elf's pale complexion. Quite unlike a typical Cyhallrhim's, these eyes are open and expressive, often reflecting the tailor's mood.

The elf has a rather thinly built body with strength that it does not display. Looking at the magician, the phrase 'oddly elegant' comes to mind.

Clothing:
All of Ridgen's clothing are made by himself - being a tailor, clothing is never in short supply. He is often seen wearing a long-sleeved collared shirt hued to match the colours of Cyhalloian Snow, a fabric shirt that is rarely ever tucked in, and has funny-looking designs on it resembling snowflakes. Often covering his legs are a pair of denim trousers, plain as can be, hued a dark blue colour in contrast to the white top, and a pair of shoes made of a very thick fabric are often worn on the elf's feet. The elf also wears a rather thick belt, also made of the same tough fabric, from which Deathfrost - a cutting rapier - normally hangs.


Persona

Personality:
Cheerful. That's one word to describe the elf. The friendly, cheerful but a little bit odd elf with a happy-go-lucky attitude. Very talkative, very outgoing; a people person, some would say. An extravert. Open. Loyal. The elf has a bright personality, a most friendly attitude, and a view on life so positive some may go so far as to call it naivety. It's very easy to gain his trust... and very easy to gain his attention. Ridgen is one of those people who get distracted very easily and has a tendency to think of everything as a game - yes, there are consequences, but the whole point of life and everything is to have as much fun as possible. It's almost funny. Like the way his mood never seems to be anything but cheerful.

But it only seems that way. Normally, the magician stays cheerful, and retains a friendly, happy-go-lucky attitude. But when angered - this rarely ever happens - he seems to be a completely different person. The elf would retain a more frightening demeanor, an air of authority, as if he could do something to eliminate whatever was causing his anger. His gaze would harden into something that looks as if it could pierce glass, his body language would change entirely and his voice would retain a tone that says something along the lines of, 'don't you push your luck any further.' Suffice it is to say, this elf isn't someone you'd like to anger.

Notably, Ridgen has a thing for cookies. And toffee.


S & W

Strengths:

> Water Magic: Ridgen is a level 4 Water Magician. His magic is rather formidable for his level, and easily wards off hostile things, sentient or no. This also helps him in many ways outside of combat (e.g. cooling drinks, making people look at situations differently, gathering information, etc)

> Bilingual: Ridgen can speak fluently in both Tharian (The common language) and Styrash (The elven language), not to mention that he can read and write in both languages. His manner of speaking is rather idiosyncratic. It's important to note that the dialect of Styrash he speaks is rather different from the dialects of Santharia, although after a few years in Santharia, he can easily understand Santharian dialects of the elven language.

> Tailor: Ridgen is also a tailor, which means he can mend any of his clothes, as well as gaining a nice amount of money by selling some tailor-made clothing. He would be happy to make any type of clothing, but he specializes in coats.

> Sensitive Ears: Ridgen has sensitive ears, which can pick up sound as easy as a rabbit's can. This is often useful for gathering information if needed.

> Swordplay: Thanks to Seran and Elric, but mostly Elric, Ridgen has decent skills with a cutting rapier - a unique kind of rapier with some level of cutting ability as well as stabbing capacity. His skills aren't that great, so he often combines it with low-level magic to compensate.


Weaknesses:

! Takes a while: It takes quite a while for Ridgen to complete some sort of task, due to him being distracted very easily. He may lose more than a few clients this way.

! That's so loud!: Sensitive ears can be a weakness as well as a strength. For one thing, when other people hear loud noises, he hears noises that are simply deafening!

! It's so warm here: Ridgen's body is adapted to life in the Cyhalloian tundra - and extremely cold place. He cannot stand higher temperatures.

! Inquisitive: The elf is far too curious for his own good. This has often landed him in more that a little amount of trouble.

! Naive: Outside, he's a fully grown elf. Inside, he's a child. He has a great lack of experience and is easy enough to trick, which poses a problem in a lot of situations.

! Split-personality: Unpredictable as the element water, the tailor, if angered to a certain point, would take on a more... frightening personality - almost murderous, in a sense. A weakness for some rather obvious reasons.

! Partial Blindness: Since birth, Ridgen is blind in his right eye. Although he's learnt to live with it, it's quite a hindrance in a lot of situations.


Magic

What: Water Magic
Ridgen is a level 4 water magician that specialises in using physical magic in conjunction with spiritual magic to make the most of his spells. In combat situations, he also tends to use magic in conjunction with swordplay for maximum effectiveness.

Why: Inquisitive Mind
Ridgen took up the practice of water magic simply because he wanted to know about it - what it is, how it works, how it's used, when and where it's used, and most of all, why it works. At the time when he begun learning how to use water magic, he was very interested in the one aspect of it - spiritual magic, and how it affects a person's mind. The element water suited him most as it is unpredictable, as well as being full of mystery, which makes the elf's desire to learn about it even stronger.

When, Where and How: During Combat
Most of Ridgen's spells are physical in nature, but he is more than capable of using spiritual magic where necessary.

Frost Shield is a  - it acts as a shield (albeit thin) to delay an incoming attack. Also, it is rather useful when the magician is facing an enemy that is rushing towards him, allowing him to make the assailant run into a thin, flat piece of ice that's likely to shatter into numerous (sharp) pieces of ice at the moment of contact, possibly causing cuts. To achieve said effect, Ridgen would hold a reagent in his hand (an aquamarine stone) and choose an empty space in the air in front of him. Then he taps into sII magic, moving water ounia in the air all around to the empty space, and proceeds to tap into sI magic - increasing the influence of the property of coldness in said ounia. The more ounia he can collect, the bigger and stronger the shield is, although a normal result would be that a relatively thin and not-so-large piece of ice would materialise in said space. The amount of ounia he could collect is reliant on the amount of moisture in the air - the rainier/more humid it is, the better.

Distraction is used by the magician to... well, distract the spell's target. Now a sentient being's attention is essentially an ordering of ounia within its car'all. By disrupting this order of ounia - as in taking the water ounia within said ordering and scattering them in random directions, making the target temporarily lose focus and forget what he/she is doing. Because this spell is instantaneous in its nature, it becomes very useful when combined with swordplay, and the elf, knowing this, practiced using said spell to a point where he could use it at a moment's notice.

Using Quicksand is convenient during situations where a stalke- err... enemy is following the elf or is just about to confront him. By increasing the physical influence of fluidity in the Water Ounia present in the ground below his target, the magician can create quicksands that can trap his opponent to about his ankles. Since the effect of spells are only temporary, anything caught up in the quicksand will be effectively trapped.

Some situations call for the obstruction of another's view. For these situations, Ridgen retains the ability to create a fog over a relatively small area, tapping into magic on the borderline of spheres one and two. In this case, he'd have to focus onto the water ounia in the air in front of the target's face, simultaneously increasing the influence of a property known as coalescence and (for extra measure) the influence of liquidity in the water ounia. Since coalescence is the tendency of water particles to be drawn to each other, its increased influence draws the water ounia closer to each other, thus creating a small pocket of fog - or really, just a pocket of air in which quite a few water ounia are bunched together. This requires a lot of concentration and energy, but if successful, can be very useful.

Note: Most of these spells can be combined with swordplay to further increase effectiveness in combat.


When, Where and How: Outside of Combat
Ridgen, inquisitive as he is, uses one spell to gain quite a bit of information. Said spell focuses on the water ounia within the target, increasing the influence of one property - serenity - and influencing the target in a way that makes them feel a bit safer, a little less worried about the world around them, and a little more calm.

The elf also has one or two party tricks up his sleeve. One of them is making very small bodies of water (or any other liquid, really) jump out of glasses, bowl, and the like. By simply guiding some of the water ounia in the water inside of any glass/bowl/whatever out of said container, the water will effectively 'jump' out of the glass/bowl. Another trick is to simply separate minuscule bodies of water - like a shallow pool of water in a bowl. Despite this requiring quite a bit of concentration, the magician can pull the trick off pretty well, by focusing on the water ounia in the centre of the tiny body of water and pulling them away from each other, creating a small gap of air where the water should be. It's only a party trick, though, and has no real use.


In Conclusion...
Water magic is used by the tailor as means of self defense and gaining information - as well as cooling down the occasional drink. Ridgen, as a scholar, of sorts, took it up for the sake of learning it - and found that it's quite valuable - well, usually.


History

The Orphanage
Ridgen was born in the cold islands of Cyhalloi - a place populated by a relatively antisocial group of elves - the Cyhallrhim. The orphanage was something that Ridgen hated - there, he was continually bullied by his peers because of his differences - the way he kept his hair long, his higher-pitched voice, among other things. They made his childhood a very miserable one. He was lonely as a child, his only friend being Faúr. Faúr, an agreeable elf just a few years older than Ridgen, is the most understanding out of all the orphans. Faúr is like an older brother figure towards the younger elf - which meant that leaving the orphanage also had a negative impact towards Ridgen.

Adoption
"Ridgen... There is someone I would like you to meet," said the orphanage's manager one day, after finding the child staring out his own window for more than a few minutes. The young elf managed to tear his gaze away and turn towards the elfess beside the manager. "This is Mistress Sú'ufanán. She... Well, she's decided to adopt you," the manager explained, seemed to pause, then, as a side comment, she added, "Mind you, she's a widow."

The elfess pretended not to hear the comment, and the manager proceeded to instruct Ridgen to pack his belongings. Not too long after, Ridgen arrived at a tower not too far from the orphanage. The elfess had introduced herself as Lina Sú'ufanán, a talented tailor. She has navy-blue hair that falls to her waist, as well as eyes that seem to smile, she is considered beautiful by many. Ridgen was quite content living with her.

Life at the Sú'ufanán Household
Life in Lina's home was pleasant, in stark contrast to life in the orphanage. Books are everywhere - the elf was taught to read and write - and the occasional elf would come in to have an item of clothing mended - the child was also taught how to sew, at a later age. The other families living with them at their tower - if you could call them that - are friendly enough.

The first family is composed of an old elf - named Seran - who is in charge of his orphaned grandchildren - twins, known as Reha and Kel. The twins were a few years older than Ridgen, and are quite friendly - which results in, after a little hesitation, all three of the children becoming friends - seeing as there are no other sociable children their age - well, not in the tower, in any case.

The other family is composed of 'royalties' - a normal three-person family, with a responsible mother, - named Leira - a rather lazy father - Gareth - and a somewhat spoiled brat of about the twin's age - a boy known as Diorn. Diorn was in no way sociable - not friendly, not sharing, not caring - well, you get the picture. Somewhat of a bully to the youngest elf - the youngest being Ridgen, by the way - Diorn is repeatedly told off by the twins for more than a few reasons.

So basically, life at the tower is a cycle between chores, the odd lesson, playing with the twins, avoiding Diorn, handling the occasional customer and maybe an odd event once in a while.

Magic Lessons
At that time, Ridgen had absolutely no interest in magic - he thought it was nothing but random words used to control the elements, that sometimes worked, sometimes failed - either way, it was nothing to him. Until he came across the spiritual side of magic, that is. Becoming more and more fascinated the more he read, he pleaded his mother to take him to someone who would teach him about magic - well, he didn't need to plead - Lina merely said, 'Just ask Seran,' and this lead to the boy discovering the old man's history - Seran had once left Cyhalloi, to Sarvonia, and returned to tell the most wonderful stories - and he also was a magician. The elderly elf didn't need much begging either - he was more than happy to impart some of his knowledge to Ridgen. And so one thing led to another and the lessons began.

The child was lectured on many things - how the car'all and ounia are very important to magic, how increasing certain properties may affect a person or thing, how there are a great many things that would always be beyond his capabilities and also some Tharian, for a lot of books about magic are written in this language. A lot of lessons involved ice blades, products of the magic they practised. On quite a few occasions, Seran taught Ridgen how to use magic in conjunction with swordplay. In any case, these lessons are sometimes interrupted by the twins - whether intentionally or not, but things went smoothly, and the child progressed to becoming a mage.

Across the Sea
At this point in time, after endlessly listening to Seran tell stories of the land across the sea, Ridgen had decided to set out for it - simply for the sake of going there. Packing what few things he had in a canvas backpack - including tailoring equipment given to him by his mother, and a number of provisions for the journey, the elf said his goodbyes - and left on a small boat, courtesy of the twins. The only problem was, he had an unexpected passenger.

Seran came along with Ridgen, to see to it that the elf made it to Sarvonia safely - and yes, the boat survived, after a few days at sea. The old elf passed Ridgen a few coins as well - seeing as he would need some money. And soon, both elves went their separate ways.

A Familiar Face in a Strange Place
After much travelling and recording, Ridgen arrived at the port city of Naurooth - and saw an elf he'd never thought he'd see again - Faúr. Both elves immediately recognised each other - there was a lot of reminiscing, and all in all, both were happy to see each other again. After a whole load of talking, Faúr found out why Ridgen came to be in Sarvonia, and vice versa. It turns out that Ridgen's childhood companion was there to find a different life - life on Cyhalloi was just too monotonous. In any case, they talked, and talked, and talked, until there was nothing more to talk about. And then the encounter was over. Faúr turned out to be quite a successful merchant.

Elric Frost
Ridgen met Elric one day in a tavern in Milkengrad. Elric Frost, a fifteen year old Centoraurian with a tendency to play games in the tavern, betting money on the line. The thing is, he never seems to lose. Quickly enough, the two became friends, their personalities so alike it's almost funny.

Lina's Death
Ridgen received news of Lina's death a few days after meeting Elric. Refusing to accept the fact, Ridgen didn't attend to Lina's funeral - to do so would bring grief too intense to bear. Being the person that he is, Elric soon found out - which isn't such a bad thing, for he helped Ridgen overcome his mother's death - much more quickly than he could alone. Ridgen's view of the world also changed - to a small degree. In any case, this incident is now long-forgotten.

Deathfrost
So on one day, after the elf had finally gotten used to the life he had chosen, he thought it'd be wise to buy a sword - naturally, being Ridgen, it never occurred to him that Seran's Ice Blade lessons would go to waste if he didn't have a sword in his possession - well, at least until something reminded him of Seran. The first person this elf turned to for such a weapon was Elric - he knew where to get them, clearly, for Ridgen often saw the boy armed with one. It wasn't always the same weapon.

Turns out that the magician was 'in luck', as Elric had put it, showing off quite a collection of swords - falchions, rapiers, two-handed swords, shortswords, etc. Out of all of these, the elf picked the Deathfrost, a light cutting rapier with a unique hilt. Its grip closely resembles that of a Cyhallrhim ice blade, coincidentally.

"Pay two haks and I'll throw in some lessons, as well as some maintenance equipment," Elric said bluntly. The sword was quite pricey.
"You've got yourself a deal," was the subsequent reply. Pricing didn't matter to the elf, so long as he got what he wanted.


The Shop
Ridgen ended up buying a shop located just outside Milkengrad - now called 'Custom Clothing'. For the colder half of the year, this shop is run by Ridgen, but for the warmer, it's virtually empty. It's quite simple, actually. This two-storey building is split into two areas - the ground floor is the shop area and the top floor becomes the living quarters, with two guest rooms. It has a small verandah out the front, which some people often use as shelter from the weather.

On one particular day, he spotted a girl sitting outside the shop, taking shelter from the rain. When she was asked why she was there, the girl - only about 11 years of age - burst into tears and cried everything out in an endless stream of words, explaining that she was thrown out by her parents, who no longer wished for anything to do with her, and that she had absolutely nowhere else to go. Naturally, Ridgen brought her in.

The girl, with nowhere else to go, stays with Ridgen for the colder half of the year, when the shop is open, and is free to go wherever she wishes when the shop is closed. She became known as Belle, and... well, became sort of an unofficial adopted daughter to the elf.

Well, that was six years ago. So, to sum it up, Ridgen now juggles his life between managing a shop, taking care of a seventeen year-old girl and exploring Sarvonia.


Belongings

Weapons:
- Level 4 Water Magic: It mightn't be much, but it can be used as a means of defense.
- Deathfrost: A gift from Elric, Ridgen possesses a cutting rapier with decent cutting ability in adition to a normal rapier's great stabbing capacity. Elric himself taught the elf how to use the sword.

Buildings:
'Custom Clothing' Tailoring Shop: A tailoring shop and a home rolled into one positioned just outside of Milkengrad. He runs it during the colder half of the year.

Other Stuff:
- A canvas backpack
- Needles
- A Box of threads with Autumnal Hues
- A Box of threads with Marine Hues
- Change of clothes identical to the ones he wear
- A Money Pouch
- Aquamarine Stones
- A Notebook
- A Quill
- Bottles of Ink
- A small carving knife
- A container to hold water in
- Maintenance equipment for the Deathfrost (namely sharpening stones)
« Last Edit: February 02, 2012, 12:40:01 PM by Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin » Logged

"Everything is a game - some people just don't realise that."
                                                                       - Ridgen Sú'ufanán
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« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2010, 07:56:02 AM »

Ok, I'll take a look at your physical description.

However, for future reference, it is normal practice to wait until after the whole CD is written before doing so. I don't have a lot of time, but I do have some pointers for you. The information you have there seems alright, and I can see that you have read the entry on these elves.

1) Santharians are not necessarily going to know what 'the average Cyhallrhim elf' looks like.  So, I think you really need to tell us in the CD exactly what the average Cyhallrhim elf looks like. Remember, you know what Ridgen looks like, the rest of us don't ... you need to tell us that, and be as descriptive as possible.

2) I would like you to remove the brackets ( and ) from your prose and either incorporate the details you have in them better within your writing. If you can't do that then remove the information in the brackets altogether. They seem to break up the flow of the writing a bit.

3) Consider putting how old he looks and how much experience he has in human terms up in the age part as well ... to make it easier for story mods, cd mods etc to find.

4) Gauntlets ... I suggest you remove these from his physical appearance and just put them in his clothing section.

5) Feel free to restate his height, weight, hair colour and eye colour in the physical appearance section if you'd like to ... referencing such things more than once is a good thing and it helps reinforce his looks and height/weight in our minds.

Those are some quick comments for you to consider.
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« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2010, 01:27:42 PM »

Finished except for history. Comments welcome!
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« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2010, 03:24:39 AM »

Hi Ridgen, welcome to Santharia.  :)

It will be hard to truly comment and judge your CD until the History is finished, Ridgen. Try to finish that up before more comments can be made.
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« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2010, 05:13:59 PM »

Finished! :) Comments welcome.
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"Everything is a game - some people just don't realise that."
                                                                       - Ridgen Sú'ufanán
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« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2010, 10:30:49 AM »

Welcome Ridgen,

Firstly, thanks for attending to those issues I brought up for you previously.

Over all, it looks pretty good at a quick glance.

One thing I can see, however, is your oak staff.

Our standard practice is not to approve characters with both magic and weapon skills. If you have that approved by Kalina/Altario to have both weapons and magic, that is fine, otherwise you'll need to remove the staff skills from your strengths and weaknesses and your weapons. This would also extend to your mention of the needles and string being used as secret weapons.

Still have him have the needles and thread, just don't mention them as weapons or in the strengths and weaknesses as hidden weapons.

If you could mention somewhere up near the top of your CD that your Magic Level is 3, that would make life for CD Mods, Story Mods and others a lot easier to work out how powerful you are and exactly what you can and can't do with your magic.

You might consider something like this (my addition is in red):

Name: Ridgen Sú'ufanán
Gender: Male
Age: 214 (Looks like a 28 year old human and has the knowledge and training of a 36 year old human)
Race: Elf
Tribe: Cyhallrhim Elves
Occupation: Water Magus/Tailor
Magic Level: 3
Title: Mindweaver

With regards to your history, it seems to read well to me. I'll have a more detailed read through of it later on, and make any further suggestions to you at that stage.

Overall it is looking very good to me, Ridgen, keep on working on it!
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« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2010, 10:53:48 AM »

All done Dek! Your comments (actually, all comments are) are always welcome here, and now's not an exception. Awaiting more commets! :)
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« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2010, 05:13:11 AM »

I just changed my History. That part that (supposedly) triggered the magic wasn't stressful enough. Still awaiting comments :)
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                                                                       - Ridgen Sú'ufanán
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« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2010, 05:14:40 AM »

I know I promised you a comment, but I don't see what I can do.

History is very well written, makes mine look incredibly amaturish

Just a bit speckled with minor grammar errors and phrasing that doesn't flow so well, but when you have all the [ color=red] and other code like that, they are bound to creep in to such an epic work as this.

Wait for the approvals, I'd think!!!
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« Reply #9 on: January 31, 2010, 05:17:03 AM »

:) Happy to hear! I'll go fix up anything that doesn't sound right. Comments are still welcome! :)
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« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2010, 05:47:57 AM »

Your quotes in YELLOW
Errors in RED
Suggestions in LIME GREEN
Bits that don't flow in ORANGE

This is an error...
"A few minutes later Ridgen fell ill, and was in pain and agony for a month and three weeks. It was as if the pain will never end."
It was as if the pain would never end


Doesn't flow so well:
He has the appearance of a human that is 28 years old, and has the knowledge and training of a human aged 36.
He has the appearance of a 28-year-old human and the knowledge and training of a 36-year-old human


A few errors here:
Covering his hands are gauntlets, leather hard gauntlets that lets him get a grip on the icy materials, or reagents that he uses. Though they're mostly for protection against the harsh cold of Cyhalloi, which means he doesn't need it now but it is his only reminder of home, and therefore he insists on wearing it.
Covering his hands are hard leather guantlets that let him get a good grip on the icy materials or reagents that he uses.They were mainly for protection against the harsh cold of Cyhalloi, but although he doesn't need them anymore they are his only reminder of home and so he insists on wearing them.
There are a few other tiny things, but I would have to re-read your History for that, which is a daunting task (it's brilliant, and very well detailed) I think.(Plus I wouldn't dare presume to comment on how to make it better!)
« Last Edit: January 31, 2010, 07:10:02 AM by Anirdulf Svanskjun » Logged

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« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2010, 05:56:19 AM »

Fixed it all up! Thanks An! :)

All comments welcome! :)
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« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2010, 06:15:16 AM »

Sorry to be a killjoy, but the sections I mentioned still don't flow so well.

Plus in your history's last paragraph you muddle Present and Perfect tenses.

Just check through.

Otherwise all excellent.
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« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2010, 06:25:31 AM »

Fixed.

ACW! :)
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« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2010, 06:31:36 AM »

Again, I don't think so.

You haven't looked at the orange part of the last history section - tense confusion.

The clothing still jars the ears

First error I mentioned needs a "would" instead of a "will" or it's still wrong.

Check through - you said you were bored.
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