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Author Topic: Ridgen Sú'ufanán/Cyhallrhim/Water Mage - Tailor  (Read 20422 times)
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Ridgen Sú'ufanán
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« Reply #15 on: January 31, 2010, 06:37:04 AM »

Would you mind pointing them out? I can't seem to see which ones you are trying to point out.
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« Reply #16 on: January 31, 2010, 06:44:57 AM »

Edited my first post with suggestions for each point. I might add some more. I'll delete bits when you address them.
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« Reply #17 on: January 31, 2010, 06:54:57 AM »

Check now
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« Reply #18 on: January 31, 2010, 07:01:52 AM »

Tiny point about the gauntlets.
Otherwise fine for the ones I mentioned.
There may be others..
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« Reply #19 on: January 31, 2010, 07:06:43 AM »

Fixed!

ACW! :)
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« Reply #20 on: January 31, 2010, 07:10:41 AM »

Good!
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« Reply #21 on: January 31, 2010, 07:12:47 AM »

Now awaiting further comments from moderators. I hope I get that approval soon!  Pet
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« Reply #22 on: January 31, 2010, 08:41:55 AM »

Just as a polite suggestion here, Ridgen.

Continuously bumping your CD in the way you have been doing, several times a day, continuously putting shouts in the shout box, complaining about not getting approvals or comments,
is really NOT a good way to get CD Moderators or Commenters to comment on your CD and give you an approval.

You need to be a lot more patient. Yours is NOT the only CD that is currently in need of comments and approvals, and each time you post/shout complaining about it, it is even more likely I'll look at the CDs of others who are being patient.

Now, IF I have time later today I will have a look at it for you and give you comments. IF I don't have time, comments from me won't be for another two days. Sorry, but work needs to come first. In the mean time, if you haven't run a spell checker through it, you might like to do so.

Dek
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« Reply #23 on: January 31, 2010, 09:36:11 AM »

kk
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« Reply #24 on: January 31, 2010, 12:32:04 PM »

Oi! Ridgen! The squeaky wheel gets the attention, eh?  Roll Eyes You want comments, well here it comes. I will give you praise, though, as this CD is a good first attempt. Also, for a first time mage, you look like you have done some amount of research, which is more than most. I appreciate your enthusiasm, too! Ok, ready to for the Yellow correction pen?

Yes, it's me again... I do hope that I can finish my CD This time... *crosses fingers* Changes will be in orange

Name: Ridgen Sú'ufanán
Gender: Male
Age: 214 (Looks like a 28 year old human and has the knowledge and training of a 36 year old human)
Race: Elf
Tribe: Cyhallrhim Elves
Occupation: Water Magus/Tailor
Magic Level: 3
Title: Mindweaver


Appearance

Height: 2 peds
Weight: 2 pygges
Hair Color: Vontromarine (Aquamarine Blue)
Eye Color: Milk White

Physical Appearance:
He has the main characteristics of a Cyhallrhim elf; Milky White eyes, very long ears - approximately 1 palmspan and 6 nailsbreadths - , pale skin and a 'Sharp' looking face. What is worth taking note of, is that he keeps his Vontromarine hair quite long - about 1 fore - that he, at a glance, looks quite like a female, if not for his clothing. He looks like a 28-year-old human, yet he has the knowledge and training of a 36-year-old human. (He's an elf that looks human?? I know what you are trying to say (that silly elven age calculator!) but maybe phrase it as "he has the youthful looking appearance of a human in his late twenties. See the difference? Also, watch when writing numbers. We prefer writing "one palmspan and six nailsbreadths") There is not much to be seen in his hands, but if you manage to remove his gauntlets you will see that it has a faint blue glow. If you manage to touch any part of his skin, you can also acknowledge that he has poor blood circulation. His legs, probably the body parts that he uses the most, - excluding his eyes and ears - looks a lot like he hasn't been using them at all. They are fine and smooth, unmarred by anything, and when you look at him where he stands you cannot see a single leg muscle move. He has broad shoulders, which really is a strange sight compared to the rest of his body. (The rest of your description seems...odd. Rather than say "If you manage.." or "you can also..." instead just say that he has poor blood circulation. Just describe him as you see him, not how others would see him.)

Clothing:
Covering his hands are hard leather gauntlets that let him get a grip on the icy materials or reagents that he uses. Thhey were mainly for protection against the harsh cold of Cyhalloi, which means he doesn't need them anymore but they are his only reminders of home, and therefore he insists on wearing them. He wears robes made of fine silk, and they have the fine hues of the sea. Ridgen had tailored them himself. Underneath he wears a silken shirt, coloured sea-green, and a pair of fleecy trousers, also coloured sea-green. On his neck hangs an aquamarine stone, which had a strange symbol - that means water - on it. His boots, made of leather, are earthen brown. He also has a full circle cloak with autumnal hues. (What does this symbol of water look like?)

Persona

Personality:
Being a Cyhallrhim elf, -and a mage too- you'd think that he doesn't talk very much, like your dull and boring school teacher, but he does. (Why would anyone think that he is dull just because he is a mage and elf? Very few people in Sarvonia even know what a Cyhallrhim elf is!) Unnaturally, he is a cheerful, happy-go-lucky kind of person. He's not that grumpy Cyhallrhim across the street, he's that cheerful kind of guy that makes you think, 'Why, I thought that the Cyhallrhim Elves are quiet, grumpy people, not like this!' He's also got a voice different from the hollow voice of an average Cyhallrhim - it's not hollow, it's light and trilly. Though he is a cheerful and outgoing person, there are quite a few things that keep going around and around in his head, like pieces to a puzzle that are waiting to be put together, but they just won't fit, and most of these pieces are memories from the past. His outgoing 'outer' personality is simply a shell - a little something he does to make sure that none worry about what goes on inside his head. He is an inquisitive person, always eager to learn more about anything - anything that isn't bad news, that is. Even though he has a very troubled past, as well as a troubled mind, it still doesn't stop him from having a nice little life.

(Intriguing! So his outgoing personality is just an act. He hides some secrets and a lost past that he keeping from others. I like that.)


S & W

Strengths:

> Hydromancy: Ridgen is a level 3 Water Magus, and is a student of Water Enchantments. He will not hesitate to use any of his spells against an attacker.

> Bilingual: Ridgen can speak fluently in both Tharian (The common language) and Styrash. (The elven language) Not to mention that he can read and write in both languages. (How did you learn Tharian? No one in your tribe speaks the language of another continent. You learned to speak and read Styrash. Tharian is not spoken everywhere, you know.)

> Tailor: Ridgen is also a tailor, which means he can mend any of his clothes, as well as gaining a nice amount of money by selling some tailor-made clothing.

> He has BIG EARS: Ridgen has sensitive ears, which can pick up sound as easy as a rabbit's can. This is often useful for gathering information if needed. (Having large ears does not mean he can hear any better than an average person. Perhaps say he just has sensitive hearing rather than the size of his ears.)

Weaknesses:

! Physical Weakness: Ridgen, without his staff and magic, is nothing but an ordinary tailor. In other words, he isn't strong enough to even lift a hammer.

! Has no influence over others: Probably because he is a Cyhallrhim, not many will listen to the poor thing. (Does he try to have influence? How does this affect him everyday? You don't have to have influence to be successful.)

! Homesickness: Ridgen often longs for the peaceful islands of Cyhalloi. At least there there's always something to read, a friend to talk to, and a bed to sleep in.

! Why is it so hot?: Ridgen had lived in the Cyhalloi islands for 212 years. He had grown accustomed to the cold weather conditions, and may find some places unbearably hot. (You landed in Northern Sarvonia, which is also cold, so you wouldn't necessarily be hot there.)

! Side Effects: One of the spells that Ridgen can use, but can give him serious illness, is Chaos, due to its deadly nature. After casting this dangerous spell, Ridgen falls very ill and will be in pain and agony for a whole month. (Casting spells does not make you become sick. You are a water mage and are practiced at influencing chaos and serenity. Becoming ill is not a side effect of magic. I would remove this weakness.)


Magic

Water Magic:
Ridgen is one of the Gifted in magic. An incident when he is aged 22 has proved that this is so. He is now a level 3 Water Magus, and studies under the Spiritual Representation of Change: Water Enchantments. He has basic illusory and emotion alteration abilities, such as:

(In other words, you are proficient in the theories of Sphere I water magic, specifically the Spiritual representation. What you know is focused under the first Sphere, and that is important in knowing what kinds of spells you can cast.)

Creating a negative image and inserting it into a person's mind by increasing the ascendancy of the water in the car'all so that their mind starts to race and, eventually, make the target start to see things that wasn't there before, like flashy lights and random colours. He can do this from 3 peds away.

(The best way to explain this is that you are influencing the spiritual ounia within your target's mind in a more chaotic sense. By increasing the chaotic influence of the target's perceptions, you are changing what they mentally see. It is called the Property of Perception. A mage of any element can influence a target's perception in different ways - water can make it more chaotic, thus giving targets random hallucinations. Wind can also do the similar. Earth can actually block perceptions, such as the case of earth's spell of invisibility.)

Calming the target, by doing the opposite of the above spell; He can calm a certain being by reducing the ascendancy of the water in the car'all slowly so that the unpredictability value of the water element lessens, indirectly calming the target down. He can also do this from three peds away.

(Again, the explanation in the entry is not so clear. Every mind has influences of each element - earth, fire, water and wind. Emotions are tied to each element. What a water mage does to calm a person is slowly reduce the influence of water on the mind. This effect allows the other elements in the mind to take more influence. Or, it allows your to bring down the rapid, chaotic influence of water to a manageable level. Higher level magi are better at doing this because if you are not careful, you can bring water down too much and if the person is very angry, you would be allowing the influence of fire to increase! Not good because they would become MORE angry! Another way to put this is by bring water down, if the person is not in a rage, what may happen is to allow the earth influence to take hold. Earth is solid, unmoving and not chaotic at all. See what happens now? The target's mind becomes stable, like a rock. They are very calm now.)

Distracting the target, by concentrating on the target and raising the dominance of water in the car'all, much like creating a negative image, but riaising it very quickly so that the mind becomes all ruffled up, creating confusion. He can do this from 5 peds away.

(See above. By distracting, you are raising the influence of chaos in a target's mind causing their thoughts to become erratic and unstable. They become distracted by different things and they lose focus.)

He may also make an enemy go berserk, by lowering the dominance of water in the car'all very quickly. This will result in the target experiencing mood swings, eventually making the go berserk, attacking his/her own comrades. This is often followed by a rapid ascension of water dominance in the car'all to its maximum limit. It will cause the target to see things, often things that will remind the target of his/her comrade's death. This will lead those who do care about their comrades to suicide, and others who don't to insanity. The latter spell - which he likes to call Chaos, by the way - may sometimes fizzle, probably because Ridgen's magical abilities are not strong enough to support such a spell. Any of the two spell he may use individually, but after invoking the latter spell Ridgen will eventually fall ill.

(Making someone go berserk is a focused ability. What you would do is target the property of chaos in a target's mind and raise it. By doing this, you essentially swirl increase the spiritual water influence to very high levels. The target's mind goes erratic and berserk, essentially, as the target is unable to control his thoughts and thus leading to unpredictable actions. But, this kind of focus is beyond you ability as a level 3 mage. You can raise the influence of the water, but your target will instead become erratic, but not necessarily berserk. You do not have the proper skill yet.)

By lowering the water dominance in the car'all to its minimum limit, very slowly, Ridgen can cause a target to become very clumsy and weak. This enchantment will not work on the strong-willed.

For the first 10 years of practicing magic, he has studied under the physical representation of Change: Water Transformation. As a result he has learned the ability to
heighten the properties of water in an object. With concentration, Ridgen can heighten the watery properties in an object without turning it completely into water.  He does this by touching the desired object, sensing and focusing on the Water Ounia within the car'all, making it express a watery property.

(In other words, to explain this better, you are increasing the influence of water in an object. However, most hard objects such as wood or steel express mostly the earth property (hardness) and have very little water influence. With your skills, you would not be able to express the water property of a sword because it takes a skilled mage to influence such small amounts of water over the dominant earth property. You could do this in objects that have more water properties such as ice.)

He can also control water in any way he likes, and now he uses this ability to create illusions in the target's mind by controlling what lights they can see just by swishing a little water around the eye.

(That doesn't make sense...isn't this the same as the negative Image Spell? It is not a physical representation spell.)

Ridgen does not only use Magic for combat. As shown above, he can use magic to give his items special properties that relate to water in any way. And he could always use it when he wants a cup of refreshing iced tea.

(Ok, that's all for now, Ridgen. See what you can do about my comments. Ask any questions you need to.  :))
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« Reply #25 on: January 31, 2010, 02:36:14 PM »

Finished!

Just a note: The big ears was a figure of speech, and wasn't supposed to suggest size, but instead sensitivity. Nonetheless, I'll fix it up.

ACW! :)
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #26 on: February 02, 2010, 11:24:33 PM »

Hey Ridgen. I did a quick read through and found a couple of things I wished to see more explanation of:

Quote
! Physical Weakness: Ridgen, without his staff and magic, is nothing but an ordinary tailor. In other words, he isn't strong enough to even lift a hammer.So what about gowns? What size of hammer? Something to truly compare this too is necessary, as hammers can come in a variety of shapes and sizes. And you may be surprised, a lot of tailors back in the day were quite strong because of the material they were lifting. Is this because he only focuses on certain types of clothing or what?

! Has no influence over others: Probably because he is a foreigner, not many will listen to the poor thing. So in an ego battle, -which is both a battle of words and influence- this becomes a disadvantage.It may just be me, but I am not sure how this is a weakness. Anyone which isn't from a particular town or area generally is foreigner, especially if their racial or tribal influence isn't really noted in the area. Why would this make people not listen to you? Is it because he doesn't understand the language very well? Or is it his own apprehension of people on Sarvonia in general? A better explanation would be appreciated.

Also, I would personally like to see another solid weakness added. Magic is a huge advantage to its practioners, as it doesn't require physical strength to do and adds a good deal of mental strength and discipline.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2010, 11:25:00 PM by Kalína Mërénwčn Dalá'isyrás » Logged

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« Reply #27 on: February 03, 2010, 03:16:11 AM »

I'm baaaack! LOL

Name: Ridgen Sú'ufanán
Gender: Male
Age: 214 (Looks like a 28 year old human and has the knowledge and training of a 36 year old human)
Race: Elf
Tribe: Cyhallrhim Elves
Occupation: Water Magus/Tailor
Magic Level: 3
Title: Mindweaver


Appearance

Height: 2 peds
Weight: 2 pygges
Hair Color: Vontromarine (Aquamarine Blue)
Eye Color: Milk White

Physical Appearance:
He has the main characteristics of a Cyhallrhim elf; Milky White eyes, very long ears - approximately one palmspan and six nailsbreadths - , pale skin and a 'Sharp' looking face. What is worth taking note of, is that he keeps his Vontromarine hair quite long - about one fore - that he, at a glance, looks quite like a female, if not for his clothing. His appearance is similar to that of a 28 year old human, yet he has the knowledge and training of a 36-year-old human. There is not much to be seen in his hands, but if you look closely you will see that it has a faint blue glow.I'd be worried about that. Typically when your extremities start to turn blue, they're getting ready to drop like ripe apples. And water magic doesn't cause "glow-iness" that I'm aware of. So frostbite it is! He has poor blood circulation, which results in him having a cold touch. His legs, probably the body parts that he uses the most, - excluding his eyes and ears - looks a lot like he hasn't been using them at all. They are fine and smooth, unmarred by anything, and when you look at him where he stands you cannot see a single leg muscle move. He has broad shoulders, which really is a strange sight compared to the rest of his body.This has been tacked on at the end and could probably find a better place to fit in the description. Light! You need spaces here. This paragraph is a bit of a brick. I know you've been told about those before. You've made a fairly common mistake. You're describing it a little weirdly here. The references to you and similar phrases do a bit to mess with the flow and it's usually best in the long run to leave them out.

Clothing:
Covering his hands are hard leather gauntletsAh! So this is why your hands are so cold! Wear some mittens! I'm given to understand that magic does require some sort of hand use, and gloves like this might impair flexibility of the fingers. that let him get a grip on the icy materials or reagents that he uses. Thhey were mainly for protection against the harsh cold of Cyhalloi, which means he doesn't need them anymore but they are his only reminders of home, and therefore he insists on wearing them. He wears robes made of fine silk, and they have the fine hues of the sea. Ridgen had tailored them himself. Underneath he wears a silken shirt, coloured sea-green, and a pair of fleecy trousers, also coloured sea-green.And these are... what exactly? Traveling clothes? Silk is one of the least well traveling fabrics you'll find. It's tough, but because of what it is (respun cocoons) it starts to attract insects if it isn't washed, and breaks down if exposed to sunlight too often. You'd be better off with wool or cotton of some description in my experience  On his neck hangs an aquamarine stone, which had a strange symbol - that means water - on it.In what language exactly? Is it a rune? I'm not aware of any The symbol looks a lot like a number 1, but without that little serif at the bottom.This is out of place. His boots, made of leather, are earthen brown. He also has a full circle cloak with autumnal hues.

Persona

Personality:
Being a Cyhallrhim elf, -and if you've done your homework- you'd think that he doesn't talk very much, like your dull and boring school teacher, but he does. This seems a sort of unneeded tangent, don't you think?UnnaturallyUncommon might be a better word here, he is a cheerful, happy-go-lucky kind of person. He's not that grumpy Cyhallrhim across the street, he's that cheerful kind of guy that makes you think, 'Why, I thought that the Cyhallrhim Elves are quiet, grumpy people, not like this!' He's also got a voice different from the hollow voice of an average Cyhallrhim - it's not hollow, it's light and trilly.Any reason? I thought this was just how they talked. Like how some people manage to whisper loud enough to wake the dead. Though he is a cheerful and outgoing person, there are quite a few things that keep going around and around in his head, like pieces to a puzzle that are waiting to be put together, but they just won't fit, and most of these pieces are memories from the past. His outgoing 'outer' personality is simply a shell - a little something he does to make sure that none worry about what goes on inside his head. He is an inquisitive person, always eager to learn more about anything - anything that isn't bad news, that is. Even though he has a very troubled past, as well as a troubled mind, it still doesn't stop him from having a nice little life.


S & W

Strengths:

> Hydromancy"Magic" would not suffice here?: Ridgen is a level 3 Water Magus, and is a student of Water EnchantmentsDon't use this word! Completely different from normal magic! He will not hesitate to use any of his spells against an attacker.

> Bilingual: Ridgen can speak fluently in both Tharian (The common language) and Styrash. (The elven language) Not to mention that he can read and write in both languages.Does he speak either with an accent to Sarvonian ears, or is his speech naturalized?

> Tailor: Ridgen is also a tailor, which means he can mend any of his clothes, as well as gaining a nice amount of money by selling some tailor-made clothing.Anything you specialize in? Dressmaking, shoes? Shirts, pants, suits, sock puppets? Fabrics?

> Sensitive Ears: Ridgen has sensitive ears, which can pick up sound as easy as a rabbit's can. This is often useful for gathering information if needed.

Weaknesses:

! Physical Weakness: Ridgen, without his staff and magic, is nothing but an ordinary tailor. In other words, he isn't strong enough to even lift a hammer.As Kalina mentioned. Are we talking about a claw hammer here? Or a six pound sledgehammer?

! Has no influence over others: Probably because he is a foreigner, not many will listen to the poor thing. So in an ego battle, -which is both a battle of words and influence- this becomes a disadvantage.Remember that standard? The one we judge strengths and weaknesses against? John "Farms Tatters" Smith has no influence either. Strike this one from the record if you please.

! Homesickness: Ridgen often longs for the peaceful islands of Cyhalloi. At least there there's always something to read, a friend to talk to, and a bed to sleep in.Elaborate here. This is barely an introduction, let alone a weakness. You have the "what?" but lack the "how?".
As it is, you aren't quite balanced at all. You need to work on these weaknesses if you're going to have a chance at that first approval.

Magic

Water Magic:
Ridgen is one of the Gifted in magic. An incident when he is aged 22 has proved that this is so. He is now a level 3 Water Magus, and studies under the Spiritual Representation of Change: Water EnchantmentsOnce again, best not to use this word. I realize the school entry says "enchantment" but... Just don't do it, okay?. He has basic illusory and emotion alteration abilities, such as:

Creating a negative image and inserting it into a person's mind by increasing the chaotic influence of the water in the car'all so that their mind starts to race and, eventually, make the target start to experience random hallucinations, like flashy lights and random colours. He can do this from three peds away.

Calming the target, by doing the opposite of the above spell; He can calm a certain being by reducing the chaotic influence of water in the car'all slowly so that the unpredictability value of the water element lessens, indirectly calming the target down. Unfortunately, this spell may often backfire, because if he lowers the level too quickly or too far, it will make the target even angrier and it can also cause the target to experience mood swings. He can do this from three peds away.

Distracting the target, by concentrating on the target and raising the dominance of water in the car'all, much like creating a negative image, but raising it very quickly so that the mind becomes all ruffled up, creating confusion. He can do this from 5 peds away.

He may also make an enemy become very angry, by lowering the dominance of water in the car'all very quickly and to a far extent. This will make the enemy experience mood swings, and can make them very frustrated. And this works to Ridgen's advantage, because an angry or frustrated enemy always makes mistakes.

By lowering the water dominance in the car'all to its minimum limit, very slowly, Ridgen can cause a target to become very clumsy and weak. This enchantment will not work on the strong-willed.

For the first 10 years of practicing magic, he has studied under the physical representation of Change: Water Transformation. As a result he has learned the ability to
heighten the properties of water in an object. With concentration, Ridgen can heighten the watery properties in an object without turning it completely into water. He does this by touching the desired object, sensing and focusing on the Water Ounia within the car'all, making it express a watery property. This spell can only work on objects that already has some water properties, otherwise the spell will fizzle and the object is nothing more than it has been.

Also, Ridgen can control water and ice in any way he likes, and he uses this for both combat and non-combat purposes. The first thing he does is concentrate on any piece of water or ice, very heavily, and mould it into a desired shape. When he is done with that, he concentrates harder to move the water or ice like puppets on a string. He may use this to make water very dense and send it at any target at any time, dealing damage, or simply shape ice into very sharp pieces, and launch it at the target. Otherwise he uses them for life-sized puppet shows to entertain a group.I think this beyond level three magic.

Ridgen does not only use Magic for combat. As shown above, he can use magic to give his items special properties that relate to water in any way. And he could always use it when he wants a cup of refreshing iced tea.

History

At the age of 0... week 1...
He was found at the foot of the entrance to the Ice Towers of the Cyhalloi. Alone. Abandoned. Laying beside him are two boxes, one bright blue, one golden, and an ice-blade. It was The Day of Darkness. Nobody was awake.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"
A cry broke the silence, a cry so unlike the voice of any Cyhallrhim, a voice so light, so... not-hollow. Footsteps can be heard, even some mild swearing. But the people at the foot of that tower were curious to see what was making all that noise. When a man opened the door, he sees a baby, lying in a basket, shivering, crying. Most peculiar was that the baby had a necklace, decorated with an aquamarine stone with a strange symbol engraved on it. He sees the glowing boxes, and the ice blade that lay beside him. He inspected the blade, and recognized the name on it; "Norm". Norm was the man's brother, the man couldn't just leave his nephew to die out here in the cold. Minutes later, a man could be seen carrying two small boxes, an ice blade and a basket into a rather large ice tower.

At the age of 14... 6th month of the year, 2nd week...Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're a toddler or something very similar here. The entire sequence of events smacks of not fitting. Especially the speaking
Very early in the morning, when nobody else is awake, one might wonder what would be behind a gargantuan wall of books. This was exactly what passed through Ridgen's mind when he woke up one morning, when he found a giant stack of books piled up in one corner of the room. Loud mutterings could be heard from the stack of books, and suddenly he heard faint roaring coming from the outside. "Well, that wasn't supposed to happen." A rather tired-looking Meran stood up from his seat in the corner. Older than him by a hundred years, Meran, his uncle, is a very disorganized man, often found reading something at the table. "Oh... Ridgen, why are you up so early?"
  "I might as well ask you the same thing."
"Oh, me? I was -err... uhm... getting ready to go hunting...? Oh, I'm acting very suspicious aren't I?"
  "Of course. And I want to know why."
Meran hesitated for a moment, then said, "Forget it it's none of your business."
  "And I suppose it's because I'm too young to understand?"
Meran stopped fussing with the books and returned his gaze towards Ridgen. "If you want to know it so bad, these books tell us how these towers are built. And I have no intention to letting you know."
  "But-"
"No buts."
 "But, I-"
"No, you don't. Go back to sleep."

That afternoon, Ridgen took one of the books and started to read. "Blech," he said when he realised that he couldn't read. From the pictures, though, he could tell that these towers were built by some kind of magic. "Well, well. what do we have here?" For a moment Ridgen froze. He thought that Meran had caught him out. But when he looked up he saw an old man sitting next to him. "So you want to know of the magic that built these towers eh?"
  "But you don't understand, I was just looking."
"Oh, but you do want to know don't you?"
Ridgen slowly nodded.
"Then, for doing a couple of things for me, I can teach you how to read."
  "What things?"
"Oh, just... sew me a nice woolen cloak. My old one's disappeared."
  "But I can't sew! And how would I know how, I'm not a girl!"
"My eyes must be failing me. I thought you were some 75 years old. Well then, if I can't get it here there is no reason for me to be in this room."
  "Wait!"
The old man turned back towards Ridgen. "Yes?"
  "If that means you'll tell me what this means..." Ridgen taps the book. "Then, yes, I'll try to make you something."
"Good. I shall see you tomorrow."

That night, Ridgen was sitting in his bed, the glowing boxes upon his lap. He was told that these boxes was found with him, out in the cold. He has never managed to open them before, no-one had. This night he tried again. Whatever was in the boxes could help him. His hand wandered around the boxes, and it came to rest upon a maple leaf pictured on top of the orange box. The leaf glowed brightly, and the box suddenly opened up, making a shout of exclamation escape Ridgen's lips. Inside the box lay a golden needle, nestled amongst strings with autumn hues. How was this going to help? Amazing hues or not, they are still no use if he can't sew. Then his right hand came to rest on a picture of a fish on top of the other box. That too sprang open. The contents were exactly the same as those of the other box, except that the hues were of Baveras' eyes, and that the needle was made of silver. Where did these things come from? But the thought was quickly chased away as a wild idea formed in his mind. Maybe, just maybe they were enchanted. If he uses these needles tomorrow morning, he could cheat off the old man and gain the information he needed without doing any of the sewing himself. He closed the boxes and put them next to his bed when he heard someone come into the room. It was Meran. "Look here... um... I'm sorry about the way I acted this morning."
"Apology accepted."
  "Good. Come down to dinner now, the whole tower is waiting for you."
"Oh!"

The following morning finds Ridgen sitting at a desk in the old man's room. "Now sew. The wool is on the table." Time passes by, and while Ridgen just sits there, watching the golden and silver needles, expecting them to do something, he wondered if it was a good idea all along. No way I'm going to lose this easy, he thought, and as more and more determination comes to his mind, the basics of sewing and patterning came naturally to him, he didn't think about it, he just sew. The end product was a magnificent one, even though it was nothing like the old man requested; it was far better. Instead of being made of wool it was instead made of silk, surprisingly, warm silk. It has the hues of midnight, jet-black to midnight-blue. Overall, it was beautiful. The old man was flabbergasted. "The silk... the patterning... there's no doubt about it. Is it really you? The son of my little girl Aurora?" Ridgen picked out the name. He had heard that name somewhere, but he doesn't know where... That was it. Meran often said, "Your mother, Aurora, was the greatest tailor in all of Cyhalloi, as far as anyone is concerned. Every 2nd day of the month she would send me things that looked far too beautiful to be real..." It all makes sense now. But who was the old man?
"How are you related to my mother?" he asked.
  "Haven't you figured it out? Aurora is my youngest daughter, and the most precious, too."
"Then that means..."
  "Yes. Now a deal is a deal, come into my room, we'll have you reading pages of text in no time."

Over the next years, Ridgen has been seen inside the old man - who was called Bleak, by the way -'s room, reading gargantuan pages of text. Then comes the day he turns 22...

At his 22nd birthday...
He was fishing at the nearest coast, when he heard people taunting. "So what? I don't care just give me the money!"
  "But-but... I have none..."
"It's your money or your life, bub."
The person who said that happened to be an assassin, and they were attacking a Cyhallrhim. "Now... give us your money and we'll leave you alone."
  "I already told you I don't have any!"
"Then you're gonna die, right here, right now..." He raises his sword, about the chop off the victim's head.Ridgen struck with his iceblade just in time.
"Who do you think you are, attacking an innocent person?" he said.
  "Simple. Getting money, and having fun. Now let me have his head or you'll be joining him in the underworld." The assassin struck with his sword, and shattered the iceblade. Whoever this person was, he was strong...
"I should do this more often! Well aren't you going to come and attack me, or is daddy's sword broken? I'll kill you now and the rest of your kind can join you in the underworld! Hauhauhauhauhauhau! Come on, come at me with all you've got!"
In a futile attempt, Ridgen drew the dagger from his belt and stabbed at the assassin's heart. The dagger hit the assassin's blade and shattered. "Is that all you've got? Why, I can kill you now!" The assassin swung at Ridgen's left side, but Ridgen was far too quick for the blade. What he wasn't quick enough for was the bash that came from the other side. It hit him, sending him flying some 4 peds.
"Too bad. Any last words? No? Mommy and Daddy can't help you this time, can they?" The assassin readies his sword for the final blow...
Desperation can be seen in Ridgen's eyes at this point. How was he supposed to survive this? As the assassin raised his sword, going for the kill...
*SNAP!*
The stress had triggered the magic bound to his bones, resulting in an unexpected effect. As Ridgen's desperation grew higher and higher, his magic started to come out even more, which caused the assassin to see... an arsenal of blades pointed at his heart. They didn't look very clear, but he was sure they were sharp. The assassin froze, then doubled over, as he thought he saw his own blood in the illusion. He staggered back, and fell into the freezing cold water. He was never seen again. As for Ridgen and the frightened Cyhallrhim, they walked back into their respective towers. A few minutes later Ridgen fell ill, and was in pain and agony for a month and three weeks. It was as if the pain would never end. He saw the Cyhallrhim he had saved a few days later, and the one that was saved said, "You do know that you are a Gifted in magic, don't you? The events that happened.. It couldn't be anything else but magic."
  "I'm... one of the Gifted??"
"Yes, and I have recommended you to the best Water Mage I know to be his... protege. He never did object, and said that he would take on any protege so long as he has the potential to become a mage. Whether you choose to be his protege or not, it's up to you. Goodbye, and get well soon." And with that, he left.

At age 22, on the Day of the Sun...
Ridgen, as soon as he heard, immediately - and silently - accepted the offer, though all he wanted to know was how to fix Norm's ice blade. He soon found the person he has saved, and asked him on where to find the magician. He pointed to a small tower on the outher edges of town and quickly scuttled off. As soon as Ridgen had entered the ice tower and confirmed with the mage that he wanted to learn how to control his gift, he was told to be seated, was inspected here and there, and the magician had finally said, "Hmph. You don't look like you're a Gifted and you certainly don't act like one. But then, things aren't always what they seem. Now listen carefully..." And the mage, who, by the way, was about 300 years old, happened to be bald, had the name of Selod, and appeared to have no pupils, goes on and on, and for the next ten years, taught Ridgen how to control water, its special properties, what its attributes are - like randomness and unpredictability - and every other basic concepts of the physical representation of Change, which, by the way, is Transformation.

At age 32, on the 10th day of the 12th month...
"You're not one of the Gifted at all, are you?" his teacher had asked Ridgen, when they were conducting one of their lessons.
  "I'm not sure. What makes you think so?"
"Well for one thing, most of your spells fizzle, and it seems you're having problems actually learning the art of water transformation."
  "Now that you mention it, it kind of feels weird doing these things..."
"How could I have been so stupid??? Come over here and tell me everything that happened during your encounter with the assassin. Now." And Ridgen told him, every little detail, from the anger that welled up inside him, how the illusion had made the assassin double over and fall into the sea.
"Oh I'm so stupid! I should've known. You are gifted in the Spiritual Representations of Magic, not the physical ones! Let's start over. Sit down."
And so, for another long and dull one hundred and eighty years, Ridgen studied under the guidance of his tutor, Selod.
Oh! I see what you did there. Yes. Skipping a few centuries. I'll put my diatribe about your history here. You go on about the age like it's important. It really isn't. And leaving gaps like this only makes it worse. The anecdotal way you write you history doesn't work with the "all-knowing author" clause of CD writing. And to be fair, the bits with people talking aren't too well written. A bit like we're supposed to be in 16th century France but people are throwing around gang signs and talking about DVDs. They just don't seem to fit.
At the age of 212, on the 4th day of the 6th month...
It was a fine day, a fine day indeed. Ridgen was outside, toying around with a little water figure, something he had learned to do when he was studying the art of Water Transformation. He had been thinking that his life here was too dull, too boring. He wanted excitement, adventure. He had decided that he was to leave the islands of Cyhalloi, and explore the rest of Caelereth. He had tailored himself a nice little cloak of autumnal hues, robes with strokes of Baveras' eyes (which is a color), and the shirt and trousers that he is wearing now. He had a money pouch and a canvas pack, which he had tailored himself, and of course, a boat in which he would use to sail the seas. Once he had said his goodbyes, he set off for the continent of Sarvonia. That night, he was asleep, and the boat had crashed into some rocks, and smashed to pieces. He was asleep then, but, miraculously, he woke up the next morning washed up on the shore of Northern Sarvonia. What luck!

On his 213th birthday...
As he explored the city of Silven, Ridgen caught sight of a magnificent Snow Bird. The sight of it was just enchanting. He wanted to record it, but sadly, his book - which he had found while looking through Selod's various books, and to which Selod said, "I have no use for it. Keep it." - has been soaked. Hm... maybe... Then an idea came to him. He lowered the water property of the object, in this case, 'wetness', and voila! The blank book was then ready to use. There was only one more thing he needed. He went into the nearest store and bought a quill and a pot of ink. Now he could actually record the interesting things he sees.

Aged 213, month 4...
Strange, I can't seem to read this text at all... Ridgen thought, as he burned away the last reserves of his money by buying a full-sized tome. Well duh, not all books are written in Styrash. It's probably written in Tharian. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Now what am I going to do with this useless book? And no sooner had he walked down the street that he sees none other than a very wealthy man, riding a horse. The man said something, but as much as Ridgen could try to understand, he can only hear something about "New clothes" and a "peculiar person" that had something to do with "looking lost". The man pointed to the cloak and said something like "Nice" and "made it yourself?". Ridgen nodded, hoping against hope that he could gain a few sans from making a similar cloak. The man spoke again, this time saying something like, "... much .... it?" while gesturing towards the cloak. Ridgen had muttered, "Not for sale," under his breath, though he was sure that the man could hear him. Not that it mattered, for the man didn't seem to understand Styrash. But he did, and he seemed that he would pay any price for that one masterpiece. "Say, one copperbard?" And Ridgen was utterly bewildered to hear the person speaking in Styrash. "What, you've never heard a human speak Styrash before?"
  "Actually, no, no I haven't."
"Well who cares, then. Two haks then, if you're that stubborn."
  "You didn't hear me say that it was not for sale?"
"I did, but I wanted it too much I don't care. Three haks."
  "I said-"
"Four haks then!"
 "NOT. FOR. SALE."
"You're a stubborn one, I give you that. I see you have that book there. I doubt you can read it, considering it was written in Tharian. Tell you what, I'll tell you how to read and speak Tharian for that cloak." At this point, Ridgen hesitated, and the man knew he hit the mark.
  "I don't suppose you'd settle for an identical one, would you?"
"Nope."
  "With a golden trim?"
"Nope."
  "And your name embroidered at the bottom?" The man hesitated, considering the offer.
"Well I suppose I would like one of them with my name embroidered in silver at the bottom... Well, ok then. But I'm not giving you any more than these lessons!"
  "Fine by me." But it wasn't fine. How was he to find silver strings when all he has are autumnal and Aquamarine hues? Unless.... He quickly looks through the boxes. Yes, he has the white strings. Fingers crossed this will work!

The following evening, he set to work. He took a bunch of white strings and soaked them in the water. He crossed his fingers and heightens their watery properties of coldness and 'wetness' and then sets to work, making the strings express one very important property - luster. At first, it seems he has failed. the white stayed bright white, and nothing seems to change. A few moments later though, they looked a lot 'steelier', and had a nice shine in them. He had been successful. Now, he starts to sew the golden trim of the cloak, then works his way inside, until it became a gigantic puzzle of blazing colours. There was only one  thing left to do. In the lower parts of the cloak, where it was bright red, he copied the name from the piece of paper and embroidered the name - which was Coralinec - unto it. It looked great, and had a grand, royal feel to it. Now for the feedback.

The next morning, Coralinec was waiting outside the room which Ridgen had been given. As the man probed the cloak here and there, he appeared satisfied with the finished work. "This is better than I thought it was. Thank you. And do accept this tip." He handed two copperbards to Ridgen. They will sure come in handy! Coralinec spoke again. "Do stay here while you learn of the Tharian language here." Ridgen was only too glad to accept. For the following year, he studies the Tharian language in Coralinec's Manor. Ridgen was quite the quick learner, and he left when he was 214 years and 6 months of age. Now he travels the continent of Sarvonia, recording anything of interest.


Belongings

Weapons:

Level 3 Water Magic: Water Enchantments - Ridgen has no physical weapons of any kind, but his magic would definitely make up for it. He has mastered the Spiritual Representation of Sphere I: Water Enchantments.

Other Stuff:

- A canvas backpack
- Needles
- A Box of Silk with Autumnal Hues
- A Box of Silk with Marine Hues
- Change of clothes identical to the ones he wear
- A Money Pouch
- Aquamarine Stones
- A container of water
- A notebook
- A quill and a bottle of ink
- A full-sized tome titled "The Chaotic Nature of Water"
Let me sum it up: Needs Work. Pencilcon
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Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #28 on: February 03, 2010, 03:17:47 PM »

All finished. (Well, all except for the middle of the history, where Valan put in a somewhat (to a 12 year-old, anyway...) incomprehensible comment. It would help if someone puts it into simpler words)

Waiting for... simplified versions of Valan's comment / new comments.
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« Reply #29 on: February 03, 2010, 04:05:19 PM »

Hey Ridgen, there seemed to have been some confusion with the comments I made on your S&Ws, so hopefully I can help and clarify real quick :)

Quote
> Water Magic: Ridgen is a level 3 Water Magus, and is a student of The Spiritual Representation of Water. He will not hesitate to use any of his spells against an attacker.

> Bilingual: Ridgen can speak fluently in both Tharian (The common language) and Styrash. (The elven language) Not to mention that he can read and write in both languages. His voice is fairly neutral. I am curious what you mean by "his voice is fairly neutral". When did he learn Tharian? How did he learn it? It isn't a commonality for Elves to be interested in the language of others.

> Tailor: Ridgen is also a tailor, which means he can mend any of his clothes, as well as gaining a nice amount of money by selling some tailor-made clothing. He would be happy to make any type of clothing, but he specializes in cloaks.

> Sensitive Ears: Ridgen has sensitive ears, which can pick up sound as easy as a rabbit's can. This is often useful for gathering information if needed. With ears so sensitive, this could also be a weakness in certain situations. Loud, high, or low pitches may bother him more than it bothers others, making it difficult for him to concentrate and perhaps unpleasant physical side effects.

Weaknesses:

! Physical Weakness: Ridgen, without his magic, is nothing but an ordinary tailor. In other words, he isn't strong enough to even lift anything that is heavier than what is classified as somewhat heavy. What I was looking for was more of a specific example comparison. This is vague and really doesn't make any sense.

! Easily Scared: Although he does not show it, Ridgen is very easily scared. Whether it be a word for something very unnerving or an attack, he is scared of almost everything, and sometimes the fear is enough to cause him to break down. How about paranoia? It may require a little different wording, but what you are describing is basic paranoia. A helpful link

! Self-Esteem Issues: Though he acts cheerful and outgoing, Ridgen is very troubled inside, and has almost no amount of self-confidence<-doesn't need to be capitalized whatsoever. This is very true in situations where something good is expected of him. This could also tie into the paranoia and they could feed off each other.

! He Lost it: Like the element water, when someone angers him enough, he totally loses it. Screaming, throwing and even splashes of water. This will lead to people thinking that he has lost his wits, and he can lose many friends/allies this way. Perhaps rewriting this with more of a 'chaotic' standpoint, instead of 'He Lost It", as I thought you were going to refer to something else.

! Homesickness: Ridgen often longs for the peaceful islands of Cyhalloi. At least there there's always something to read, a friend to talk to, and a bed to sleep in. Sometimes, he longs for his home so much that it causes heavy depression, making him view the world in a very negative way. This way he can lose quite a lot of friends/allies.<-this last sentence isn't necessary.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
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