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Author Topic: Ridgen Sú'ufanán/Cyhallrhim/Water Mage - Tailor  (Read 21349 times)
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Avásh ám Térqu'ypheró
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« Reply #45 on: June 05, 2010, 09:03:43 AM »

By "Gifted" you don't mean those to whom magic comes naturally, do you? Becuase aren't those restricted? Correct me if I'm wrong!
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« Reply #46 on: June 05, 2010, 09:09:11 AM »

They're not restricted, actually. It's just discouraged and looked down upon.
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« Reply #47 on: June 05, 2010, 10:16:32 PM »

Really? I did not know that. When I asked about it someone told me it was restricted... anyway.... carry on! All in all, as I am no moderator, I find it very  well done! Good luck to you in the future!
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« Reply #48 on: June 06, 2010, 11:15:35 AM »

Hi Ridgen! You already have a first approval, but before you get a second one, we need to go over your magic section.

Magic

Water Magic:
Ridgen is one of the Gifted in magic. An incident when he is aged 22 has proved that this is so. He is now a level 3 Water Magus, and studies under the Spiritual Representation of Change. He has basic illusory and emotion alteration abilities, such as:

Gifted are not restricted. However, in my opinion, Gifted should be limited to players who have a good knowledge of the magic system and know how to best play one. Gifted magi are those with little to no control over their magic. Without proper training, a Gifted is dangerous to themselves and others. You give very little explanation of your magic training or your gifted ability and that is something I personally expect. I am more comfortable with you going through magic training from childhood rather than be Gifted.

Creating a negative image and inserting it into a person's mind by increasing the chaotic influence of the water in the car'all so that their mind starts to race and, eventually, make the target start to experience random hallucinations, like flashy lights and random colours. He can do this from three peds away.

This is the first of a list of spells that reads like you copy/pasted from the entries. Why would you use this spell? What attracts you to use spiritual water magic?


Calming the target, by doing the opposite of the above spell; He can calm a certain being by reducing the chaotic influence of water in the car'all slowly so that the unpredictability value of the water element lessens, indirectly calming the target down. Unfortunately, this spell may often backfire, because if he lowers the level too quickly or too far, it will make the target even angrier and it can also cause the target to experience mood swings. He can do this from three peds away.

See comment above. Another spell listing.

Distracting the target, by concentrating on the target and raising the dominance of water in the car'all, much like creating a negative image, but raising it very quickly so that the mind becomes all ruffled up, creating confusion. He can do this from 5 peds away.

See comment above. Another spell listing.

He may also make an enemy become very angry, by lowering the dominance of water in the car'all very quickly and to a far extent. This will make the enemy experience mood swings, and can make them very frustrated. And this works to Ridgen's advantage, because an angry or frustrated enemy always makes mistakes.

See comment above. Another spell listing.

By lowering the water dominance in the car'all to its minimum limit, very slowly, Ridgen can cause a target to become very clumsy and weak. This enchantment will not work on the strong-willed.

Lowering the dominance of water ounia in a car'all does not cause a target to become clumsy. Is this a spiritual or physical manipulation?

For the first 10 years of practicing magic, he has studied under the physical representation of Change: Water Transformation. As a result he has learned the ability to
heighten the properties of water in an object. With concentration, Ridgen can heighten the watery properties in an object without turning it completely into water. He does this by touching the desired object, sensing and focusing on the Water Ounia within the car'all, making it express a watery property. This spell can only work on objects that already has some water properties, otherwise the spell will fizzle and the object is nothing more than it has been.

There is no such thing as a "watery property" of water. Water is water. What you mean to say is that you can simply increase dominance of water ounia within an object's car'all giving it a more water-like aspect. All objects have water properties (water ounia to some degree) so what sorts of objects are you referring? Stuff such as steel, wood or rocks have dominant earth ounia, so at your skill, it is not possible to manipulate water in them.

Also, Ridgen can control water and ice in any way he likes, and he uses this for both combat and non-combat purposes. The first thing he does is concentrate on any piece of water or ice, very heavily, and mould it into a desired shape. When he is done with that, he concentrates harder to move the water or ice like puppets on a string. He may use this to make water very dense and send it at any target at any time, dealing damage, or simply shape ice into very sharp pieces, and launch it at the target. Sometimes he can use this like a tactic to create controlled illusions. When shaping water or ice, he could also shift the reflectiveness of the water, readjusting its color, making it look 'real'.

Controlling water in such a way is not exactly how its done. First, you cannot move ice nor can you mold it. That is more of a wind and earth property respectively (wind being movement and earth being shaping). Also, making water dense is doing what exactly? Are you making ice? What if you do not have a source of water nearby? At your skill, you must have a source of water to manipulate. Skilled magi can produce ice from the air by freezing the water ounia in the air and dropping it on a target. Shaping ice and launching it is not within your skill.

Ridgen does not only use Magic for combat. As shown above, he can use magic to give his items special properties that relate to water in any way. And he could always use it when he wants a cup of refreshing iced tea.

What do you mean here? Giving items special properties is not something you can do. That sounds like enchanting an item and that is not possible at your range.

Final thoughts - Your magic section is basic. What I am looking for is your philosophy of magic. Why do you study what you do? What does your magic mean to you? You list some spells, but that is not a magic section because anyone can list spells from an entry. What you need to do is decide what kind of mage you are. How you go about using your magic other than creating ice? You mention you are a spiritual practitioner, but what sort of goal(s) do you have as a water mage? In other words - what is your focus? Some magi are necromancers and focus their powers animating dead. Some are explorers and focus their magic in treasure hunting. Some are thieves and use magic to aid them steal things. Some are entertainers and use magic to give joy to their audience. What I see with you is a list of spells with no rhyme or reason.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2010, 11:16:58 AM by Malexia Vendu » Logged

Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #49 on: June 06, 2010, 11:35:53 AM »

Who was it that gave Ridgen a First Approval?

I can't see a post from anyone giving him a first approval.
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« Reply #50 on: June 06, 2010, 11:40:10 AM »

Kalina did in reply #36, Dek.
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« Reply #51 on: June 06, 2010, 11:43:23 AM »

Oh good :) Just wanted to make sure :)
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« Reply #52 on: June 07, 2010, 03:09:55 PM »

XD Looks like I stuffed that as well. XD Ok then, back to the drawing board.
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« Reply #53 on: June 15, 2010, 06:43:23 PM »

bumping back up so it's easier to find while I work on it -_-
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« Reply #54 on: July 14, 2010, 08:48:25 AM »

Bumping for another attempt at completing this unfinished CD. I'll finish it this time!
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« Reply #55 on: August 06, 2010, 04:35:10 PM »

A bump to check if I'm doing this right.
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Sylvia Palinor
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« Reply #56 on: August 06, 2010, 04:57:53 PM »

I'll try to take a look at the magic section tomorrow. I have to get to bed now though.
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« Reply #57 on: August 07, 2010, 05:46:07 AM »

Ok. I'll just point out that it is not complete, I am merely asking whether it is acceptable for the Magic section to be composed of those types of paragraphs.
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #58 on: August 17, 2010, 08:58:30 AM »

First off, apologies for being late on this. I have no excuses. :(

Quote
Ridgen had always been fascinated with the capabilities of the mind since childhood. Magic was then nothing to him except for a jumble of words that manipulate water and ice, until he found out about the Spiritual Representations of the Spheres, and that magic can be used in a more... subtle way that he had originally thought. He has always been an inquisitive person, and the more he heard about Spiritual practice the more fascinated he became, and had sooner become a Water Magician himself, one that has achieved Level Three in the practise of Water Magic. He studies magic for the sake of knowing its capabilities, as well as that of the mind itself. Many times he had discovered that what a certain person believes alters what they see and hear, both in reality and illusion, and that the random hallucinations that one suffers after being the target of a spell is not so 'random' after all. For example, under the spell 'Lunatic Fervor', the target is to see random hallucinations and whatnot. It appears that when a target is under this spell, and one thrust out his hand into front of the target and in the direction of the target, it would usually appear to him/her that something would come jumping out of the hand, e.g. a flash of light, a spider, a burst of fire, water, etc.

My problem is most of it is a history lesson, not a section of what he is actually capable of doing. What is he all capable of doing? If you aren't really sure, try reading some of Shailiha's CD. Granted, you won't be able to accomplish near the effects she would, but it would give you some ideas on the direction you need to head in explaining his capabilities. When I read this, I could tell you were sure on what he could do, and not any real knowledge on how to explain it. Write like you are sure of yourself and strong in your knowledge, otherwise people are going to second guess you, which isn't a good stance to have when it comes to magic. Be sure, and state what exactly he is capable of so Moderators and other players have an idea of what they are dealing with.

Good Luck!
« Last Edit: August 17, 2010, 08:59:18 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

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« Reply #59 on: September 10, 2010, 06:41:26 PM »

I think that's it! (maybe...) Thank you for your patience with me, those who helped with my CD. Up and ready for comments.
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