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- THE CD FORUM POSTICON SYSTEM -

Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD.  4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
 2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD.  5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
 3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.  6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
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Author Topic: Senle Estith/Centoraurian/Bard and Assassin  (Read 586 times)
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Senle Estith
New Santharian

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Posts: 2


« on: June 30, 2010, 09:50:10 AM »

Name: Senle Estith

Gender: Male

Age: 29

Race: Human

Tribe: Centoraurian

Occupation: Bard/Assassin

Title: Bard/Assassin

Overview: Traveling from town to town on foot or with caravans of
performers, Senle wonders looking for gold, and much less importantly,
a meaning. He seeing beauty in all things of emotion. He sings of love,
and kills for another's hate.

Appearance

Height: 1 Ped and 2 Fores

Weight: 1 Pygge, 3 Hebs, 1 Od, 5 Mut.

Eye color: Sou’cald Blue

Hair color: Charcoal

Physical Appearance: Senle stands proud in public, with shoulders not
broad enough for a warrior but not so puny that he appears weak. His
muscles are well toned, especially in his legs, but not large enough to
be noticeable except when flexed. Under a cloak, in the cover of
darkness, Senle shrinks his size naturally, and can easily blend into a
crowd without being noticed even by the crowd.

His hair falls to the back of his neck, untamed, and is slicked back in
the front and sides. His chin is square and strong, with stubble
roaming freely around his face and neck. His sou'cald blue eyes lay
flat in their sockets, showing both the wisdom of experience and the
empty gaze of a soldier.

His ears, which hide part of his hair, are pierced, and are tucked to
the sides of his skull. His nose is small and natural, slightly curving
upwards.

Clothing: Senle dons a black cloak almost everywhere we walks. In the
daylight, a decorative pattern of vines and daggers is visible along
the bottom hem, but it is hard to see in the darkness. Underneath lay a
leather breastplate with shoulder guards, but no sleeves, a black belt
with the same pattern as the cloak, and brown chaps covered mostly by
black leather boots. He wears a silver ring on both of his middle
fingers and two saphire earrings, in the shape of pearls.


Personality: Mostly detached, Senle puts on whatever face is suitable
at the time, whether he is preforming a ballad or making a deal with
the local crime boss. He has learned it is better to be friendly than
not however, and prefers calm and helpful as his default. Underneath it
all, he thinks his own thoughts and schemes his own plans, regardless
of everyone else. He is extremely good at lying.

Strengths: Senle is strong in the arts of lying, cheating and
manipulation, as well as stealth, theft and assassination. He is great
at disarming his opponents in battle and can naturally blend into
crowds.

Weaknesses: Better at killing men than beasts, Senle does not often
battle monsters and is thus more inexperienced when he has to fight
them. He also has problem navigating a jungle, forest of dungeon. He is
also bad facing groups of opponents at once, and prefers to flee in
these situations.

History: Senle was the child of two traveling performers, growing up on
their caravan and learning the basics of what it means to be a
traveling performer. He loved how his mother used to introduce their
act, and learned much about social interaction, which eventually led to
taking an interest in being a bard.

When he was 16, his parents were preforming a private show for a rich
local baron, when in a drunk rage he demanded they juggle flaming
daggers as his last performers had, for be killed by the guards. The
parents had never done this before, but were forced to agree. The act
did not go well, with the father being stabbed in the skull by one of
the daggers, and the mother being rapped and killed by the baron after
she refused to continue the act.

Senle learned of this from one of the guards and swore his revenge.
After four years of self-training in both assassination and subterfuge,
Senle infiltrated the baron's estate, only to drop a flaming dagger
through his skull as he walked under the balcony to his garden.
Since then, Senle traveled by himself across the human kingdoms,
working for whoever will pay him for whatever job needs his skills,
singing and strumming all the way.

Weapons: Senle's weapon of choice is the dagger that killed his father.
It is long and narrow with a hilt wrapped in cold leather. The dagger
is perfect to be thrown.

Belongings: Senle mostly travels light, although he always carries the
harp his mother gave him when he first became interested in becoming a
bard, and still uses it to this day. Besides that, he carried various
poisons hidden in his cloak, and a waist pack that carries his personal
budget of gold and various other items he needs.




« Last Edit: July 19, 2010, 02:37:48 AM by Senle Estith » Logged
Tervild Jorek
Serene Actor
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 57


Human, Avennorian


« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2010, 02:12:17 AM »

Hello Senle,

Welcome to Santh. What you have here is nice, but I'm afraid it's painfully short. Details, and little things about your character are a very big deal. Also you should change your screen name to match your CDs name. Your physical descrpition is well written, but the sections on personality, clothing, strengths, weaknesses, and history are all very short.

Take your time, write out details and try to make your character as realistic as you possibly can. In an RPG we want to be able to interact with someone life like, so that we can make the game more interesting and captivating for everyone.

Specifically in the clothing sections discuss any trinkets or designs that he might have. Your character may not be wearing the same clothes on a twenty four seven basis so there should usually be more than one outfit. Personality wise, RPing will be difficult for you if your character is not very social. In game you really want to stay true to the CD that you've written. Your strengthens and weaknesses section should have at least three strengths and three weaknesses; try to give a variety of skills including physical, mental and social aspects.

For a twenty nine your old your history could also be a great deal longer. You wan to talk more heavily about his interactions with his mentors, family, friends. The more you do so the more we can understand how your character came to be who he is in the present.

That's all I've got for you, but I hope it'll help you in writing more and in getting your CD approved. Take your time, write alot, and have fun creating your CD cause I can guarentee that on this site your efforts are never a waste of time. It usually takes three to four days to write up a good CD so take it easy and get all the nice details in.

.:Tervild Jorek:.
Logged

Leif Terskun
Golden Wordsmith
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 388


Human, Avennorian


« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2010, 02:43:19 AM »

Hey Iroyal!

I'm not a mod but I have some experience of making CDs, and 18 days is an awfully long time to wait - well done for a nice polite post to remind everyone - , so here goes.

Firstly, could you change your display name to match your character name, please? On "Profile" in the links at the top there are options about forum display and you can do it easily there.
You've done this - well done. Tervild beat me to it.

Secondly, your formatting is a bit hard on the eye. Could you fill the width of the page rather thanjust have a column down the left of the post, as it makes it easier for the mods and so in turn for you.

Thirdly, may I say that I love the seeming dichotomy in the juxtaposition of "love" and "hate" in your overview? It is really a masterful piece, practically an epigram. But "wonders" should be "wanders" - he wanders through the world and wonders at it.

Fourthly, you title doesn't flow. Try something more pithy - it is not your job, but who you are. "Lyrical Assassin" maybe, or "Murderous Chanter" may be more suitable.

Fifthly, I love the concept of blending into the crowd "without being noticed even by the crowd". This is a very nicely written CD, and should receive more comments. But perhaps "naturally" would be better rendered as " by instinct"?

Sixthly, "Senle dons a black cloak almost everywhere we walks" sounds a bit like Gollum. Try "he" instead of "we", my Precious. Also "lay" should be "lie" (tense switching not a good idea). Your rings are ambiguous - one ring on two fingers? Try "each" instead of "both", maybe.

Seventhly, in "Personality", "preforming" should be "performing".

Eighthly, try enumerating S&Ws seperately, please, and giving each a "weight" that can be used to help balance - ie, how important/serious is each one?

Lastly, Tervild is right - your CD needs some more meat on its bones. What you have is lovely, but detail detail detail as CD mods have urged me before!

Keep it going, and hopefully that will tide you over until a mod comes along.

Leif Terskun
Logged

Words convey knowledge; knowledge is power; thus power lies in words
Leif Terskun
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