* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Calendar Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Embed Maximize


Newbies, read these!

Character Creation
FAQs
Restrictions

Main Site
Portraits
Rules
Story Creation
Racial Crossbreeding
Magic

Contact
Tips and Tricks
IRC Chat
Measures Converter
Elven Aging Calculator
Pages: 1 [2] 3   Go Down
Print
Author Topic: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary  (Read 5799 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Jack Blazak
Deadly Excavator
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 25


Human, Kar'ii


« Reply #15 on: November 28, 2011, 11:58:04 PM »

Alright, additions/corrections are made in dark gray.
Let me know if I'm leaving out anything else.
Logged

Find out who you are
Do it on purpose

Alexandre Scriabin
Music Adept
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 1376


Human, Erpheronian/ Rhulran


« Reply #16 on: December 02, 2011, 03:01:31 PM »

Quote
But spelunking is a skill that she uses to make money and not all roleplay takes place in a city or town. It's not farfetched for her to end up in terrain where spelunking would be needed.

Okay, I understand you now. Thanks for clearing that up. As for her father being into archeology, I can only see that working out if her father was a Nightson.

I'd like you to read up on the orders of the kasumarii and fit her family into that context better. In the first place, it's doubtful that a child growing up in a society that worships Queprur would have a childhood that is "nothing but wonderful". Kasumarii are competitive, and they mostly become pirates, assassins, dark mages (clerical shadowmancers), and fanatical killers.

Have a good day.  cool
« Last Edit: December 02, 2011, 03:02:26 PM by Alexandre Scriabin » Logged

The statement below this is false.
The statement above this is true.

Alexandre Scriabin CD
Jack Blazak
Deadly Excavator
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 25


Human, Kar'ii


« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2011, 06:30:57 AM »

All right, additional edits for Alexandre made in maroon.
Logged

Find out who you are
Do it on purpose

Alýr (Rayne)
Dreamress
CD Mod
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2051



« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2011, 03:34:40 PM »

Hi, Jack!

I don't usually frequent these parts, but I thought I might poke in. I've glance through your CD--you've got a lovely writing style. Particularly your appearance section is beautifully written! One minor suggestion: because there are no angels in Santharia, perhaps your character's mother compared her to light elves instead?

I know you are navigating through the various entries and that you've of course been reading up on the Kasumarii. It's a bit hidden, but this is actually a nomadic tribe:
Quote
The Kasumarii rarely stay in any one place for too long, and even their largest buildings are designed to be able to be taken apart for traveling.

This should probably be mentioned in the People's section and not just Housing, but alas!

Archeology is a fairly unlikely profession, at least in the Kasumarii tribe. Perhaps, instead of a profession, it was a hobby of your character's father, and one your character wished to pursue but, because of the restrictions of the Kasumarii tribe and the societal pressures therein, could not. This could further precipitate her traveling from Cyhalloi (which is actually a collection of islands) to Sarvonia, where she is more likely to: 1) be able to purchase her horse (bred by the Ice Tribes that reside in Northern Sarvonia) and 2) meet a dwarf and elf traveling together (especially since there are no dwarven tribes in Cyhalloi!)

I hope this helps! Please let me or one of the moderators know if you have any questions. Hopefully we can get you shipped off to RPing soon! I would love to see that beautiful rhetorical style put to use in a story!
Logged

      
Jack Blazak
Deadly Excavator
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 25


Human, Kar'ii


« Reply #19 on: December 04, 2011, 10:05:54 AM »

I changed angel to light elves but an injury made it impossible for her father to continue in most Kar'ii professions so thats why he took up archaeology. I've added that choosing that alternate profession somewhat ostracized him and that when Jack left she traveled to sarvonia.

Thanks for the tips!
« Last Edit: December 04, 2011, 10:06:22 AM by Jack Blazak » Logged

Find out who you are
Do it on purpose

Alýr (Rayne)
Dreamress
CD Mod
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2051



« Reply #20 on: December 11, 2011, 04:00:14 AM »

Archeology poses an issue for a few reasons:

1) Archeological digs and research usually require an individual to stay in one place for a marked amount of time. However, the Kasumarii are a nomadic peoples. A long term stay isn't necessarily feasible in this culture.

2) Archeology often yields little in the way on income. As a Nightson, you can make a living through magical and herbal arts--and perhaps cooking, which I imagine would be an appropriate derivation of the latter. I also assume they would serve as pedagogues. But archeology alone is unfortunately not very lucrative!

3) The time period makes archeology a bit unlikely. Modern archeology as we know it is really a fairly new discipline (ironic!), no older than a couple hundred years. Of course, you can trace archeology back to Renaissance Italy--but if this tells us nothing else, it tells us that archeology is a study that requires political and economic stability--and, as seems to be the case--a urban intellectual center--to develop, which at this period exists primarily in Santharia, most likely in the urban centers of New-Santhala (current capital), Ximax (high intellectual community), and Voldar (previous capital). I should probably add Thambalath, too, or Fox may get upset with me--for like Ximax, there are a high number of intellectuals there.


I do not think archeology is impossible. If your father has any interest in history, I see no reason why he cannot dabble in archeology--scouring for the remains of earlier Kasumarii settlements (of which there are probably many, given the itinerant nature of the tribe). While it might be difficult to make this into a profession, it is certainly something he may have done on the side, and most certainly a passion he passed on to his daughter.

If I may provide a little disclaimer--I am merely offering my suggestions. I am not an official commenter, and certainly do not have any authority of one!  buck If you have any questions, let me know, and I will do my best to answer.
Logged

      
Jack Blazak
Deadly Excavator
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 25


Human, Kar'ii


« Reply #21 on: December 15, 2011, 05:31:33 AM »

I'm pretty adamant about part of Jack profession being archaeology but I changed it so that her fathers interest in archaeology was just a hobby that he passed down to Jack. Her mother supported them, being in the Greendeaths.

I really appreciate all of your comments Alyr!

But could someone who is a moderator find some time to give me comments as well? I'm eager to get started.
Logged

Find out who you are
Do it on purpose

Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2011, 04:59:12 AM »

Hello, dear!

Quite a read you have, and I really enjoyed it. I liked the changes you made and they seemed to bring the aspects of the character together.

One thing which did seem odd to me was the fight scene in the history. It was really out of the blue that she had so much skill and it wasn't really explained well in her history. I see one sentence, but it doesn't exactly say whether it is his skill with a sword or his excavating skills. Just a little bit of clarification would be excellent there.

That is my only major...complaint.

Well done!
« Last Edit: December 19, 2011, 05:06:04 AM by Kalína Mërénwčn » Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Jack Blazak
Deadly Excavator
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 25


Human, Kar'ii


« Reply #23 on: December 19, 2011, 10:39:17 PM »

Alright, a revision was made in blue. Thanks for all the help and comments! Let me know if I've left anything out.
Logged

Find out who you are
Do it on purpose

Kalína Dalá'isyrás
Dalá'isyrás
Mini-mod
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 12803


High Elf, Kaýrrhem


« Reply #24 on: December 20, 2011, 03:11:20 AM »

It looks satisfactory to me! Thumb up
Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Alýr (Rayne)
Dreamress
CD Mod
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2051



« Reply #25 on: December 20, 2011, 12:43:50 PM »

I'm assuming the village mentioned in the beginning of your history is a nomadic village?

It looks like a lot of your adventures thus far have been in the Northern parts of Sarvonia. Many of the stories are in the South--the easiest way to get there is by boat, since the Tandalas are nearly impassable. These are just things to keep in mind. However, I don't see why a pony can't be transported on a ship.

I'm guessing she makes money by selling some of the treasures she finds?


If all assumptions are correct, then for what it's worth, this character has my approval.
Logged

      
Jack Blazak
Deadly Excavator
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 25


Human, Kar'ii


« Reply #26 on: December 20, 2011, 01:08:55 PM »

Yes, I suppose I could have clarified that her and her horse travelled by ship but I figured that might be implied.

And she does sell treasures for coin but could also be hired to seek out specific items for those who pay her enough. However, I would imagine that most of the money she makes to support her and her archaeology is from being a hired mercenary.

Thanks so much for all of your comments. They've been very helpful and appreciated!!
Logged

Find out who you are
Do it on purpose

Malexia Vendu
Tainted Flame
CD Mod
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 426


Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2011, 04:52:40 AM »

First Approval  Pet
Logged

Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
Adventurer
Admin
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 7033


Human, Remusian


« Reply #28 on: December 23, 2011, 10:29:13 AM »

That's all I need to hear.

Congrats, Jack.  Welcome.

Remove the colour and I will archive this for you. :D
« Last Edit: December 23, 2011, 10:30:22 AM by Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin » Logged

Favorite Cartoon Quotes
"It was a dark and stormy night."  - Snoopy
"Ack!" - Bill the Cat
"I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinski." - President Bill Clinton

My Character can be viewed @Angelina Jolie's house.  But knock first, in case I'm in my underwear.
Jack Blazak
Deadly Excavator
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 25


Human, Kar'ii


« Reply #29 on: December 23, 2011, 10:48:54 PM »

Alrighty, color removed
Logged

Find out who you are
Do it on purpose

Pages: 1 [2] 3   Go Up
Print
Jump to:  

Recent Posts
[July 23, 2019, 07:02:29 PM]

[July 23, 2019, 07:02:23 PM]

[August 01, 2018, 03:13:13 PM]

[June 19, 2018, 12:49:51 PM]

[April 28, 2018, 03:44:22 AM]

[April 13, 2018, 06:36:29 AM]

[April 10, 2018, 08:32:04 PM]

[March 09, 2018, 05:45:59 PM]

[February 13, 2018, 12:19:59 PM]

[January 02, 2018, 02:30:49 AM]
Members
Total Members: 2837
Latest: beaker
Stats
Total Posts: 214554
Total Topics: 8049
Online Today: 48
Online Ever: 216
(November 30, 2006, 09:08:03 AM)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 42
Total: 42

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx