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Author Topic: Jackeline Blazak/ Kasumarii/ Archaeologist-Mercenary  (Read 9568 times)
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Jack Blazak
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« Reply #15 on: November 28, 2011, 11:58:04 PM »

Alright, additions/corrections are made in dark gray.
Let me know if I'm leaving out anything else.
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Alexandre Scriabin
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« Reply #16 on: December 02, 2011, 03:01:31 PM »

Quote
But spelunking is a skill that she uses to make money and not all roleplay takes place in a city or town. It's not farfetched for her to end up in terrain where spelunking would be needed.

Okay, I understand you now. Thanks for clearing that up. As for her father being into archeology, I can only see that working out if her father was a Nightson.

I'd like you to read up on the orders of the kasumarii and fit her family into that context better. In the first place, it's doubtful that a child growing up in a society that worships Queprur would have a childhood that is "nothing but wonderful". Kasumarii are competitive, and they mostly become pirates, assassins, dark mages (clerical shadowmancers), and fanatical killers.

Have a good day.  cool
« Last Edit: December 02, 2011, 03:02:26 PM by Alexandre Scriabin » Logged

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Jack Blazak
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« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2011, 06:30:57 AM »

All right, additional edits for Alexandre made in maroon.
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Alýr (Rayne)
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« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2011, 03:34:40 PM »

Hi, Jack!

I don't usually frequent these parts, but I thought I might poke in. I've glance through your CD--you've got a lovely writing style. Particularly your appearance section is beautifully written! One minor suggestion: because there are no angels in Santharia, perhaps your character's mother compared her to light elves instead?

I know you are navigating through the various entries and that you've of course been reading up on the Kasumarii. It's a bit hidden, but this is actually a nomadic tribe:
Quote
The Kasumarii rarely stay in any one place for too long, and even their largest buildings are designed to be able to be taken apart for traveling.

This should probably be mentioned in the People's section and not just Housing, but alas!

Archeology is a fairly unlikely profession, at least in the Kasumarii tribe. Perhaps, instead of a profession, it was a hobby of your character's father, and one your character wished to pursue but, because of the restrictions of the Kasumarii tribe and the societal pressures therein, could not. This could further precipitate her traveling from Cyhalloi (which is actually a collection of islands) to Sarvonia, where she is more likely to: 1) be able to purchase her horse (bred by the Ice Tribes that reside in Northern Sarvonia) and 2) meet a dwarf and elf traveling together (especially since there are no dwarven tribes in Cyhalloi!)

I hope this helps! Please let me or one of the moderators know if you have any questions. Hopefully we can get you shipped off to RPing soon! I would love to see that beautiful rhetorical style put to use in a story!
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Jack Blazak
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« Reply #19 on: December 04, 2011, 10:05:54 AM »

I changed angel to light elves but an injury made it impossible for her father to continue in most Kar'ii professions so thats why he took up archaeology. I've added that choosing that alternate profession somewhat ostracized him and that when Jack left she traveled to sarvonia.

Thanks for the tips!
« Last Edit: December 04, 2011, 10:06:22 AM by Jack Blazak » Logged

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« Reply #20 on: December 11, 2011, 04:00:14 AM »

Archeology poses an issue for a few reasons:

1) Archeological digs and research usually require an individual to stay in one place for a marked amount of time. However, the Kasumarii are a nomadic peoples. A long term stay isn't necessarily feasible in this culture.

2) Archeology often yields little in the way on income. As a Nightson, you can make a living through magical and herbal arts--and perhaps cooking, which I imagine would be an appropriate derivation of the latter. I also assume they would serve as pedagogues. But archeology alone is unfortunately not very lucrative!

3) The time period makes archeology a bit unlikely. Modern archeology as we know it is really a fairly new discipline (ironic!), no older than a couple hundred years. Of course, you can trace archeology back to Renaissance Italy--but if this tells us nothing else, it tells us that archeology is a study that requires political and economic stability--and, as seems to be the case--a urban intellectual center--to develop, which at this period exists primarily in Santharia, most likely in the urban centers of New-Santhala (current capital), Ximax (high intellectual community), and Voldar (previous capital). I should probably add Thambalath, too, or Fox may get upset with me--for like Ximax, there are a high number of intellectuals there.


I do not think archeology is impossible. If your father has any interest in history, I see no reason why he cannot dabble in archeology--scouring for the remains of earlier Kasumarii settlements (of which there are probably many, given the itinerant nature of the tribe). While it might be difficult to make this into a profession, it is certainly something he may have done on the side, and most certainly a passion he passed on to his daughter.

If I may provide a little disclaimer--I am merely offering my suggestions. I am not an official commenter, and certainly do not have any authority of one!  buck If you have any questions, let me know, and I will do my best to answer.
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Jack Blazak
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« Reply #21 on: December 15, 2011, 05:31:33 AM »

I'm pretty adamant about part of Jack profession being archaeology but I changed it so that her fathers interest in archaeology was just a hobby that he passed down to Jack. Her mother supported them, being in the Greendeaths.

I really appreciate all of your comments Alyr!

But could someone who is a moderator find some time to give me comments as well? I'm eager to get started.
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2011, 04:59:12 AM »

Hello, dear!

Quite a read you have, and I really enjoyed it. I liked the changes you made and they seemed to bring the aspects of the character together.

One thing which did seem odd to me was the fight scene in the history. It was really out of the blue that she had so much skill and it wasn't really explained well in her history. I see one sentence, but it doesn't exactly say whether it is his skill with a sword or his excavating skills. Just a little bit of clarification would be excellent there.

That is my only major...complaint.

Well done!
« Last Edit: December 19, 2011, 05:06:04 AM by Kalína Mërénwčn » Logged

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Jack Blazak
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« Reply #23 on: December 19, 2011, 10:39:17 PM »

Alright, a revision was made in blue. Thanks for all the help and comments! Let me know if I've left anything out.
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Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #24 on: December 20, 2011, 03:11:20 AM »

It looks satisfactory to me! Thumb up
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« Reply #25 on: December 20, 2011, 12:43:50 PM »

I'm assuming the village mentioned in the beginning of your history is a nomadic village?

It looks like a lot of your adventures thus far have been in the Northern parts of Sarvonia. Many of the stories are in the South--the easiest way to get there is by boat, since the Tandalas are nearly impassable. These are just things to keep in mind. However, I don't see why a pony can't be transported on a ship.

I'm guessing she makes money by selling some of the treasures she finds?


If all assumptions are correct, then for what it's worth, this character has my approval.
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Jack Blazak
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« Reply #26 on: December 20, 2011, 01:08:55 PM »

Yes, I suppose I could have clarified that her and her horse travelled by ship but I figured that might be implied.

And she does sell treasures for coin but could also be hired to seek out specific items for those who pay her enough. However, I would imagine that most of the money she makes to support her and her archaeology is from being a hired mercenary.

Thanks so much for all of your comments. They've been very helpful and appreciated!!
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Malexia Vendu
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« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2011, 04:52:40 AM »

First Approval  Pet
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #28 on: December 23, 2011, 10:29:13 AM »

That's all I need to hear.

Congrats, Jack.  Welcome.

Remove the colour and I will archive this for you. :D
« Last Edit: December 23, 2011, 10:30:22 AM by Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin » Logged

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Jack Blazak
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« Reply #29 on: December 23, 2011, 10:48:54 PM »

Alrighty, color removed
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