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Author Topic: Zarkin Talker/Centoraurian/Trainer  (Read 8877 times)
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Zarkin Talker
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Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #30 on: November 09, 2010, 04:40:55 AM »

Every thing has been completed!
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A true warrior lies within the heart, not the blade!
- Zarkin Talker
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #31 on: November 09, 2010, 11:46:44 PM »

Sorry for getting to it so late. Been busy getting things together.

"Hidden by the world from his hood, lies Zarkin Talker's beautiful face" - The first like of your appearance should be "Zarkin Talker's beautiful face lies hidden from the world by his hood."

Don't forget to mention the colour of his eyes in the description, not just at the top.

Other than some grammatical things here and there, it looks good.

Now, I would suggest trying to go into similar detail with his clothing that you did with his appearance. It doesn't have to be amazing, but little more than a couple sentences can really enhance people's perception of your character.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Zarkin Talker
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Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #32 on: November 10, 2010, 12:24:16 AM »

Everything has been done as told to do :)
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A true warrior lies within the heart, not the blade!
- Zarkin Talker
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #33 on: November 10, 2010, 12:33:58 AM »

I think you slightly misunderstood what I meant about more detail with his clothes. I meant, is his shirt cotton, spilk, wool?

Are his gauntlets metal or leather?

Are his boots sturdy leather, or a soft fabric?

Those kind of details which can really help people picture his appearance at first sight.
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Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Zarkin Talker
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Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #34 on: November 10, 2010, 12:34:54 AM »

I think you slightly misunderstood what I meant about more detail with his clothes. I meant, is his shirt cotton, spilk, wool?

Are his gauntlets metal or leather?

Are his boots sturdy leather, or a soft fabric?

Those kind of details which can really help people picture his appearance at first sight.

oh oh sorry, im not awake yet  :D ill get right to it.
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A true warrior lies within the heart, not the blade!
- Zarkin Talker
Zarkin Talker
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Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #35 on: November 10, 2010, 12:46:37 AM »

sorry for that Kalina i have fixed my errors.  :D
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- Zarkin Talker
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #36 on: November 10, 2010, 01:30:47 AM »

So much for simplicity. The clothing section looks much better, from just glancing over it.

If everything else has been taken care of accordingly, those were my only quibbles.

A "+" for you seems to be appropriate at this time. A second approval is needed, and there may be things to fix before full approval, but you look sufficient to me at this time.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2010, 01:41:33 AM by Kalína Mërénwèn » Logged

Insanity is only a perception made by those who have yet to attain its greatness. While those of us who have already stepped inside its bounds find bliss in our utter madness.
Nai'r en'Lina ar'Kaimel
Zarkin Talker
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« Reply #37 on: November 10, 2010, 01:42:06 AM »

thank you kalina
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A true warrior lies within the heart, not the blade!
- Zarkin Talker
Malexia Vendu
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« Reply #38 on: November 10, 2010, 09:37:43 AM »

Strength's: 

Fighting- Practiced more than anything in his daily routine, he trains with bows and arrows more than swords and shields. Although his love for horse training is strong, his love for archery is very well practiced up to four hours in a single day.

Listing archery as a strength is appropriate. If you have any training in blades and the use of shields, that is also a strength.
 
 Running- Running is another daily routine for this busy fellow! His time spent running is usually between the time he wakes up to the time he is ready for archery practice. He runs for only forty minutes and makes it about seven miles in a single run (no brakes). Running past the bakery is an advantage in speed for him because he is very hungry when he gets home, and when he does he'll stuff his face with food!

I don't understand this strength. Most peasants and "regular" folk can run. How does this make you any different than they are? I am sure there are some very fit farm peasants who can run seven miles with no breaks (by the way, you misspelled "brakes" here...)
 
 Horse training- His horse training job is what pays off all that time to kill, one of the many things he loves to do during his day. He get brakes every two hours (two brakes per day). The only reason he loves horse training is because that is what he was taught to do in otherwords it was the only job his parents would let him apply for. His love for horses is amazing, you would never believe a guy like this would love horses more than anything in the world.

Again, "brakes" as you mean it is spelled "breaks".
 
 Blazer- Blazer is a big strength to Zarkin, not all has Zarkin been training Blazer for just riding but for combat as well. Blazer has the skill and speed (as well as Zarkin does) but more than an average horse may have. Blazer is very fast and can also do a few moves as well. Although Blazer may seem like an average horse you may not want to get on his bad side, in other words you make Blazer mad you'll probably die. Zarkin's combat skills have very much improved ever since Blazer has stepped into his life.

.[Weaknesses: 

   Addiction to Ale- He was first introduced to ale around the early age of nine- teen, and ever since then he has drunk nothing than fresh spring water and Ale (not mixed!). And whenever he sometimes has free time he'll go to the bar and have about four drinks then leave to go back home.
   
 Fears of being buried alive- Zarkin has always been afraid of being buried alive throughout his whole life. His friends always used to bury him in the sand and leave him there as a kid, Zarkin has always wanted revenge from the times those kids tortured him with sand! Now you might say, "What a coward!" but Zarkin has fears too, as well as everyone else in the world.

Another confusing one. Fear of being buried alive is not really an appropriate weakness is you live above ground and never venture into caves or underground. What are the chances that you will be buried alive? That is like saying I fear a cloud falling on my head. It will likely never happen. A weakness is supposed to be something that hinders your life in some way, and something that has a possibility of actually happening - thus is why you fear it.

   Fears of being killed- Zarkin is terrified of being killed. By the way he views it, it is a terrible part of live that no one should experience, the pain is the part he would HATE!!! He has seen many people die before, but the pain is just too much for his human eyes. Being killed would be the worst thing he would ever like to see happen to him, his life flashing before his eyes, he would not go through with it.

Umm...fear of death is something quite common or else people would dive off cliffs and play with fire like it was a toy. Everyone has a somewhat fear of being killed or else you would never leave your bed in the morning. I don't think this is a good weakness.
 
  Fear of the dark- Fearing the dark has been the most troublesome thing that has ever occurred in Zarkin's life. He has been afraid of the dark ever since he was at the age of six. You never know what will be lurking in the pitch black night sky, without light Zarkin is useless. He has been tormented as a child from his fears of the dark, his coordination are amazingly poor for this man.

Coordination is poor for anyone in the dark. You can't see, so how do you expect to be coordinated? Maybe you fear strange shadows or you get jumpy during the full moon or you never venture alone in the dark. Make something a bit more specific.
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Zarkin Talker
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Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #39 on: November 10, 2010, 10:08:04 AM »

I have fixed my errors, it seems that with a little bit of excitement in typing you can get a lot of words put into a CD real fast with good description.  grin
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A true warrior lies within the heart, not the blade!
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« Reply #40 on: November 12, 2010, 07:30:20 AM »

Your weaknesses still need work.

Fear of being buried alive is still not working for me. All you have to do is simply avoid going into caves. You can travel miles and miles without ever going into a cave. If you find a cave, you can always go around.

Fear of drowning, is the same issue. Don't go into water. It is a very simple thing to avoid. In other words, you could live in a city all your life and never go into a cave or cross a river, so your weaknesses are rather pointless.
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Zarkin Talker
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« Reply #41 on: November 12, 2010, 07:55:47 AM »

fixed :D
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A true warrior lies within the heart, not the blade!
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Ridgen Sú'ufanán
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« Reply #42 on: November 12, 2010, 03:26:07 PM »

I believe that your character is a bit overpowered now that you haven't put any other weaknesses in place of the last ones. How about another weakness, hm?
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Zarkin Talker
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Human, Centoraurian


« Reply #43 on: November 12, 2010, 11:54:42 PM »

i believe i could do that
New weakness in this colour here :)
« Last Edit: November 13, 2010, 12:14:14 AM by Zarkin Talker » Logged

A true warrior lies within the heart, not the blade!
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Leif Terskun
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« Reply #44 on: November 14, 2010, 04:37:19 AM »

How does being so hard on himself affect him? I could see that branching out into low self esteem, and that can cause a whole host of problems. Leif will fail to undertake tasks that he can quite easily do, for example.
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