Thorgas Ironforge, Mitharim Sorcerer

[Brighid McLir]

My only question is, why is it hard for him to make friends? He seems like a spiffy fellow, and there's nothing to indicate an issue opening up to others.

[Valerian Folken]

Something to consider.....
In my opinion, this isn't really a weakness

No Shield: With an axe like Earthsplitter, and a hammer like Rockbasher, who needs a shield? unfortunately this makes him vulnerable to most attacks, because the fact that he has only two hands, and both hands are full.

its merely a preference, in my humble opinion. A previous char had an inability (he can't) to parry (a hobbit, I believe it was).

If you wanted to keep that, perhaps an relative inablility to use a shield (couldn't adapt to the mindset of using a shield).
Sorry, its just that as is, it isn't really a weakness, as (as I understand it) he could put a hammer down and use a shield, he just doesn't want to.  

And there, but for the grace of the Goddess, go I. Where demons fear to tread, and angels fear to fly..

[Marvin Cerambit]

Quote:Age: 90

I didn't find how old dwarves get, but 90 is about the age they have on their Age of Choosing. You'll need to up this a bit considering you want to be skilled both in healing as in fighting.

Quote:Double Weapon Proficiency: Thorgas wields two types of weapons. One is an axe, called Earthsplitter, is useful for embedding a cold piece of steel to an opponent's body while the warhammer, named Rockbasher, would easily knock some sense (or knock out the senses) into his enemies.

How good is he with them? I suggest not making him too good with his weaponry as your primarily a healer.

Quote:Excellent Spell Resistance: Dwarves distrusts all kinds of magic are highly resistant to spells cast upon them, and Thorgas is no exception.

Just a note: this is only for spells that affect the mind or the body directly. This won't help much for fireballs and stuff like that (although fireballs are probably a bad example as dwarves are usually unaffected by cold and fire).

Quote:No Shield: With an axe like Earthsplitter, and a hammer like Rockbasher, who needs a shield? unfortunately this makes him vulnerable to most attacks, because the fact that he has only two hands, and both hands are full.
Unskilled in Ranged Combat: Earthsplitter is nearly as tall as Thorgas, and Rockbasher is very heavy, so there is no way to throw weapons that big, and enemies with ranged weapons find that good.
Backstab Vulnerability: Thorgas is usually concentrated when fighting with enemies, focusing himself to his target, with assassins doing their work focusing on his back.

These are not weaknesses. Most people don't have a shield, most people don't know how to use a bow and most people haven't got a clue how they would fight multiple opponents. There are also very little assassins running about, and most likely those will only attack you when paid for it. Chances on such a backstab happening during a fight are almost nonexistant.

Quote:Thorgas studied under the dwarf, learning all he can. The dwarf taught him the healing properties of herbs and roots, how to prepare cures and remedies, binding wounds and identifying poison.

Poison? If I'm not mistaking they digest such thing pretty well, but even so, why would dwarves become poisoned? There aren't any snakes and such underground.

Quote:Thorgas decided to travel and search for a new cave to call his home.

I could be wrong about this, but don't dwarves just expand their existing caves? If you just want it as a reason to find the pig you could say he was gathering plants and stuff for healing thingies.

The biggest problem I see is that there isn't really a reason for him to leave his home (which you will need to do to join a story). Dwarves normally stay in their caves and don't travel.

Quote:- Spectacles

These thing are very rare. How did he get them and why?

Marvin Cerambit ~ Do not tease my Warg, because you are crunchy and tasteful

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[Rhapsody Mythlinis]

I believe Vesk has mentioned before that Dwarves live to about 250 years. And up to as far as 300 for the rare old timers.

So 90 is indeed quite young

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

[Marvin Cerambit]

Just reminded that I forgot to put the pencil icon back on. Just change it back when you're done editing (and please colour changes so we can easily find them back).

Marvin Cerambit ~ Do not tease my Warg, because you are crunchy and tasteful

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[Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels]

Thorgas, that won't work:

Quote:Years passed, and Thorgas was near to his Age of Choosing. He told his dad he is not yet ready to find a mate, that there is still so much to learn. His father nodded, obviously understanding what his son wants and knowing that he knows what is best for himself.

A dwarf wouldnever leave his community without a severe reason. He would not want to look, if he could live with a different dwarven tribe, not even with his relatives some strals away. You need to find a solution here.  

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

[Thorgas Ironforge]

hmm... didn't think about that. Ah well back to the basics for me I suppose.

[Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels]

Thorgas, you still need to find a cause, why you left. May I propose the old but always fitting reason - that he got no wife (three males /two females ration of birth) and he didn't want to see his beloved one marry another? Or vice versa - he fled from an unwanted love?

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path   that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

[so orril miesefer]

Hey, Welcome. This is a very good character, still the issue of the shell isn't very good, with a hamer and an axe I don't see the need of a shell.

[Thorgas Ironforge]

How would I delete comments? I changed my character into something else.

[Drasil Razorfang]

This character looks like fun to read.  I'm gonna look through it tonight.

[Drasil Razorfang]

I comment in lime

Name: Thorgas Ironforge
Age: 120
Gender: Male
Race: Dwarf
Tribe: Mitharim
Occupation: Mage
Title: Dwarven Pyromancer
Portrait:

Character Description:
Thorgas' magical talent and affinity to fire(Is he a gifted One?) was discovered in an early age, so he never worked in the mines nor dug tunnels as part of a dwarven life. He studied diligently to become the best mage he could, but sadly this had made him an outsider to his own people.

Physical appearance:
-Height: 1.5 peds
-width: 4 spans at the shoulder
-Hair color: brown
-Eyes: brown
-Weight: 2.5 pygges
-Skin: pale
-Beard: 0.5 peds, brown

Here you might want to do something about his physical features.  Something a little more de*****ive.  Does he have any distinguishing marks? and things like that.

Clothes:
- Dark Green Woolen cap
- Green woolen shirt
- Dark green woolen pants
- Brown woolen cloak
- White woolen socks
- Boar hide black boots

Once again you might want to be slightly more de*****ive, but it is not necessary.

Personality:
Glutton: He could usually be found in a tavern drinking a mug or two and eating stews.
space
Loud: Also in the tavern everybody would have a happy time listening to his stories and jokes.
spaces
Kind: Inside this fat dwarf is a very warm heart that welcomes anybody. Thorgas never turned down anybody who knocks on his door asking for healing or help.
space
Honest: Anybody will feel confident going to him and asking for directions because they know he will give them a honest and good opinion.
You have made this very similar to a strengths an weaknesses section.  You might want to put this into paragraph form, or shift all these down and write a paragraph about the personailty in general.

Strengths:
Fire Magic Proficiency: Thorgas is well trained in the use of fire magic and he will not have any second thoughts in using it against any who wants to try it.
space
Loyalty: Thorgas will never leave a companion with a heavy problem without sharing the burden.
space
Excellent Spell Resistance: Dwarves distrusts all kinds of magic are usually unaffected and are highly resistant to fire, ice, mind and body spells cast upon them, and Thorgas is no exception.

Weaknesses:
space
Ale: Once he hears a squeaking tavern sign he forgets everything he is supposed to do, pushes open the door, and starts gulping beer immediately.
space
Poor Combatant: He is poor both in melee and ranged fighting because he spent all his time studying magic. Most people do not consider this a weakness because the average Santharian cannot use any weapons either.
Loner: Since Thorgas embraced magic and studied it thoroughly, he has been sort of avoided by his own people, who distrust it. Why hasn't he made other friends?  I'm sure he could have made friends where ever he learned magic.

History: (Add a small section about his origins.  It just needs to be a few sentances of background information) As a boy, Thorgas was very much fascinated by what fire can do; how can it burn? why does it light? How does it help in the forging of weapons used by his people? This thoughts always played in his mind. His family, somewhat concerned about his unusual behavior, tried to pry him from this fascination. As expected of a dwarf, he stubbornly refused, and after much effort they gave up on it(wouldn't they be stubborn too?).

When Thorgas grew from being a boy to a teenager, his father found him a job as a blacksmith's apprentice. Though Thorgas tried very hard to learn the trade, his thoughts always led him to thinking about fire. His master scolded him from time to time when he makes mistakes, melting weapons, forging an axe with no edge, burning scabbards for swords and such.
One day, after helping his master set the metalwork on a table for the purpose of selling them, he sat down to rest. As did his usual behavior, playing with fire from the forge(?? this sentance is confusing). To his surprise, he saw a spark coming out of the forge and moved slowly to the table and proceeded to burn it. The fire suddenly blazed. The blacksmith, alarmed, shouted for help and everyone rushed to the smithy bringing buckets of water and saving the blacksmith's wares.
"It's that pyromaniac's fault!" the smith told Thorgas' family. "He did that on purpose! I won't be surprised if he turns out playing with the weird dwarven mages of our tribe!"
After the smith left, his father approached him and said," I supposed you're not cut out to be a blacksmith, son, but it can't be helped. Your mother and I talked about sending you to the Magical School of Ximax( I don't think darves attend it), but she said you didn't have any magical talent(Magic is taught usually, not given inately unless you are a gifted one.  That will require an explanation as to how you found out). Well, since you did have some sort of talent, for you did burn that smith's furniture, you can start packing your things and tomorrow start travelling to the academy. Oh, before I forgot, this is for you." He said, handing over a beautifully crafted iron staff with a psyrpent-made crystal on top." It's staff traded to me by a passing merchant in exchange for a good deal of silver ore."

Thorgas, he was 15 years old at that time, arrived at the academy, and upon entering the Tower of the Guard, he saw a portrait of a powerful looking dwarven archmage. "That's Ungur Firehands, one of the few dwarves who mastered magic." Thorgas turned around and saw a very old human wizard whom he guessed a professor at the academy. "If you will study hard here, you might have your portrait hanged there too."(I'm pretty sure dwarves have thier own section of the tower) The old man said with a chuckle and walked away. Thorgas proceeded to the tower of flame and talked to the archmage who is in charge of the tower. "He looked very old indeed." thought Thorgas. "and what a nice beard." he added. "Yours is not bad either," said the elder. Thorgas was surprised at how this man knew his thoughts. The Old man smiled, "how unusual it is for a dwarf to come here. But then again, anybody who is worthy may come here and learn. A room has been prepared for you; rest yourself and tomorrow class will be in session."
Thorgas studied very hard at the academy, learning spells and writing them in his tome. He also spent some time practicing and improving his concentration.
Years passed, and finally he's reached level six, at the age of 40. He decided to go home for a while and then continue his studies at the academy.

Thorgas was travelling along a path to his home when he heard a bunch of squeals nearby. He approached the source, with staff in his hand, and found a rather large piglet lying on its side, beside it a broken crate and some fruit seeds scattered. The pig, after seeing Thorgas kneel down to take a look, jumped up and looked at him, and then looked at his pouch. Immediately, it approached the bag and ate Thorgas' meal out of it. Thorgas laugh, realizing that it wasn't hurt, just hungry. He decided to keep the pig as a familiar and called him Buri, and afterwards continued his journey home.

Time came for his of Age of Choosing. As expected, with those dwarven 'wolves' prowling about and his reputation as a pyromaniac, he didn't find any mate, nor did the females want him. As a result, he returned to Ximax, with his pet pig Buri, now his companion, to continue studying fire magic.  (When does he leave or is he en-route.  Its hard to play a character if they are somewhere far away studying from where the story is.)

(You need a section on what spells he knows.  And a short magic de*****ion)

Weapons:
- Staff: staves usually used by mages because they believe it actually helps in their concentration, these things can also be used to hit an opponent in the face. Thorgas' staff is made of metal, with a crystal on top.

Belongings:
- Wood pipe
- Oil Lantern
- Tome of magic(does this have his spells?)
- Feather pen
- Bottles of ink
- Pouch of sulfur
- Skin of ale
- Skin of water
- Bag of dried meat and fruits
- Deer hide pouch to put in everything

Familiars: He has a big pig named Buri, a pretty useless familiar but nevertheless a cute companion and a great friend.\

overall its good, but you need to add a magic section and be a little more descriptive for the first few sections instead of just bulletpointing.  

[Marvin Cerambit]

Hmm... Like I said, I don't know if Mitharim have mages (as in Ximaxian mages) since dwarves aren't too fond of magic (and you need to travel for that and that's not something dwarves easily do). From the general entry:

Quote:Due to the fact that they originated from the element of Earth at the beginning of times, dwarves are - just like stone - usually unaffected by cold and fire and they destrust every kind of magic by heart, so that magic spells often fail when cast onto dwarves.

I know they have some kind of clerics, but those are not Ximaxian mages.

Marvin Cerambit ~ Do not tease my Warg, because you are crunchy and tasteful

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[Thorgas Ironforge]

OK thanks mr. singing orc. but I really read it in the occupations section that they have mages, and also in the description of Ximax, there are dwarven mages, but thats for the earth tower, and about the dwarven archmage (my Idol hehehe   ) Ungur Firehands.  

Drasil: Aye those comments did helped me in making my character. thanks a lot. hmm... an elf who likes to drink.. my kind of people.

Mods Please comment hard and fast!  The sooner I play the better!  

Edited by: Thorgas Ironforge at: 4/16/06 3:54

[Xun Darkwoe]

hello, i have changed my character, thorgas, and i would like you to come back and see if there are any more problems. and, while i am saying this, i would like any of you to come to Xun Darkwoe (Made by Xun Darkwoe, not Dark Elf Xun) and see if there are any problems.

hello, i noticed that your character is off to a really good start, i hope that the admin accepts it. i just wanted to tell you that i am finished with the update. thank you for letting me message you and for helping me.

back again aye? hope you are still on. i had to completely remake my character. hey, after the admins accept us, how about some ale?
can you check out my new description and see if it is good?

Edit by Marvin: no reason to tripple post. You can just edit your post and it will be bumped to the top as well.

Edited by: Marvin Cerambit  at: 4/16/06 11:09

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