Quáel/Quaelhoirhim/Fighter

[Thorgas Ironforge]

You have yet to address all of my comments, Calaboogey. Once you're done I'm going to read through the whole thing again and depending on the result, you might get an approval.

[Quáel]

Ah yes my apologies I will incorporate all of my strengths and weaknesses into the story,
I will start on that right away!
-Calaboogey

[Ridgen Sú'ufanán]

I believe what Thorgas means is that you'll have to explain (in your strengths and weaknesses section) how/why they're a strength/weakness:

One thing I've got to mention though, I do feel that your strengths and weaknesses are a bit unbalanced (Even compared to my character :O) Your strengths greatly outweigh your weaknesses, because what I can see here are 5/6 solid strengths and 4 weaknesses of which one is really a weakness.

Because in the S and W section we're comparing your character to a peasant, one of those weaknesses wouldn't even be there. Note that most, if not all peasants can't swim. So you have 5/6 solid strengths that would be useful in a lot of suituations (mainly combat) and 1 weakness that isn't actually a weakness, 2 other weaknesseses that are situational IMHO and only one solid weakness - the dark visions/whatever.

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not sure that even without the old nitpicky-ness that this character would be allowed to have such unbalanced strengths and weaknesses.

Two other things: silk isn't exactly great travelling material (I should know :L) but that's just me being nitpicky. I'm also not quite sure about having a wind mage afflict your character with such a permanent effect. I mean, I'm not quite sure he'll be able to make the 'dark visions' appear every now and then. I'll ask Rayne for you though, if there's still any confusion.

End rant. Good luck on your CD

[Quáel]

I will attempt to balance out my strenghts and weaknesses, then. But instead of explaining the why they are S and W's I places examples in my history, but I will add some more to my weaknesses.
Thank you for the useful comments,
-Calaboogey
PS. That would be great if you check up on the magic stuff, because I really am not familiar with magic on SW at all. Also, I have other cloaks than my silk one, and the silk one is for special occasions.

[Alýr (Rayne)]

Hey Calaboogey!

It looks like you've been getting some really good feedback from the moderators, and I'm glad to see you integrating so much of what you've been given! I think you'll be a great addition to the RPG boards!

In regards to Rigden's referral with regards to magic: yes, you may be able to create visions through the manipulation of powerful wind magic, but someone who can weild this level of Ximaxian magic might be a bit rare. I would actually recommend instead using a cleric. Clerics have more 'volatile' magic ability, and while they don't have the same control of Ximaxian mages, they can accomplish some powerful results without as much raw skill. Consider a cleric of Seyella, or possibly Queprur. As a note, clerics of Coor do not exist, that I know of, so I recommend sticking to the Twelvern, if your evil mage is of Santharia.

I also want to again encourage you to find a more elven name for your elven character. I think several of the moderators are a bit concerned that your elf seems a bit... well.. un-elvish! Remember that elves are of the element wind--they are light, airy, and somewhat unconcerned. Paroxsyms, drinking and drunkenness, disloyalty, and bloodthirstiness are not in elven nature. Elves don't generally hang out in bars--in fact, they rarely visit human cities (humans are often suspicious of them), and they're usually rather reclusive. Fortunately, your character's a Quaelhoirhim--they are one of the more friendly, displomatic elven tribes, and while they're still unlikely to leave their forest homes without good reason, I'm willing to accept that two young elves wished to seek adventure and see the world.   Perhaps you can alter some of the other slightly inaccurate portrayals of elves, though?

You mention goblins. We have goblin-like orcs called Gob-oc that reside way to the north in the Tandala Mountains. If you're interested in fighting some Goblin, consider traveling to Nyermersys, just south of the Tandalas. There are also rivers that run from this mountain range--the Rayne river among them. It might be a good staging ground!

Let me know if you have any questions, or if there's more I can help with!

[Quáel]

Ok well that sounds great, I will make Keeshuanka an evil cleric.
And I will travel to Nyermersys in my mercenary days then, and can I make them humans instead of Goblins the?
Also, I will not have Cull and Calaboogey hang out in bars, that will be fine. But the disloyalty is a result of Keeshaunka's powerful manipulation techniques.
And it will be a huge step for me, but I will try and find a cool elven name.
Thank you so much for your time,
-Calaboogey

[Kareesh Valendar]

Just going to change your icon to the pencil while you work on Rayne's comments. Feel free to change it back when you're all done.

[Alýr (Rayne)]

You can certainly change the goblins to humans. If you want to make this change, you can be near anywhere in Santharia, as I'm sure there are likely to be human robbers and bandits just about everywhere in the kingdom.

Elves are not often mercenaries; however, I'm willing to let that go since I think you have a good character here. As Rigden mentioned, though, we may need to get your strengths and weaknesses more balanced. My recommendation to you would be to choose what mode of fighting you want to be best at: archery or armed combat. You can be moderate in another.

You might also consider some of the ramifications of the injury to your character's foot.

Out of curiosity, why did Keeshuanka target Cull and Calaboogey to terrorize?

[Quáel]

I will just take the foot injury out haha.
And the reason he chose them was because they were vulnerable but good fighters. He knew Cull would be a good person to have on his side and Keeshaunka is merciless so he wanted to torture Calaboogey on his way to getting to Cull. Keeshaunka also gathers other  fighters and mages to make himself more powerful.
I will make myself moderate at sword skill but keep my strength with the bow.
I've found a name that I like that is elvish hope you enjoy it.
I'm on my phone right now so I will make these changes later when I'm at a computer.
Thank you very much for everything everyone has done.
-for now Calaboogey

[Quáel]

Alright there we go, I have finished. I have changed my name and did all of the other necessary changes I believe. Hope all is well thank you to everyone for their help,
-Quáel

[Ridgen Sú'ufanán]

Please change your display name accordingly as well.

[Quáel]

Right will do, but I'm just curious why I can't leave my display name?
But thank you,
-Quáel

[Deklitch Hardin]

It is because our display name needs to match up with our character name when posting in stories. If Quáel is in a story and posts appear from Calaboogey instead people could get confused. The subject line of your post in stories will be based on the location of the action, not your name/tribe/class.

Thank you for changing your display name.

Dek

[Quáel]

You're very welcome, and thank you for explaining the purpose of the display name.
Much appreciation,
-Quáel

[Alýr (Rayne)]

Clerics of Seyella can give you visions, but not increase your eye sight. I would think clerics of Arvins could give you keen eye sight, but would not be able to give you visions. One is a curse, the other is a boon. Unfortunately, you won't be able to have both. As an archer, your eyesight will probably be pretty good anyway, regardless of a curse!

I also want to let you know that this character is still rather un-elven. I am willing to let that go, since it's very difficult to get elven nature right, particularly on the first try,    but you have to promise me that you'll try to understand elves better and play Quael like a true elf to the best of your abilities. Do we have a deal? 

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