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Author Topic: Thortar/Boltgrumms/Hunter  (Read 11893 times)
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Thortar
Beast Keeper
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Posts: 26


Boltgrumms


« on: December 27, 2011, 07:39:36 AM »

hey, think its finally done. :)

Name: Thortar

Gender: Male

Occupation: Earth Guide by choice, hunter out of necessity.

Tribe: Boltgrumms

Age:  98

Born: 1568

Title: Beast keeper

Race: Dwarves

Height: 1.2 peds

Weight: 2 pygges

Hair: Shaven with jet black beard
 
Skin: Pale and weathered

Eyes: Stone Gray

Overview:  
   Thortar is a stern solitary dwarf, who when found will offer his services as an Earth Guide, for the right fee. Spending most of his time alone with his pet in the wilderness he has developed, from youth, an ability for hunting. He is sturdy and muscular but due to years spent living rough in the wilderness and exposure to the elements he has  developed a knowing and weathered face, that offers comfort and reassurance to those with him but instils fear in those against him.

Appearance:
   Thortar is shaven, at least on the top of his head. He has black hair forming a beard that covers up most of his face so his deep set grey eyes are often the only thing that betrays any emotion. His right eye has a scar go right through it so to stop questions he wears an eye patch. Not caring for cleanliness he is often dirty and his hair is matted and unkempt. However his beard is cared for greatly, his Beard is jet black and the only part of his appearance he cares about, this is due to its importance as a symbol of pride and strength. Each side of the beard is braided, with copper rings keeping each braid in place. As for the rest of the beard, it is cared for by Thortar almost religiously every morning. He has thick bushy eyebrows  the same colour as his beard and hair. His face is rough in appearance and ravaged by time and the elements. The years of hard work and living off the land show; his weathered and tough face shows little emotion except when it is extreme. Has a weathered  and tough face often showing little emotion unless at extremes. Though similar in appearance to humans he is significantly smaller. He has clear musculature and is very fit and healthy due to the permanent wanderings in the wild.
When asked about his cleaning habits he often brushes it aside with a quick comment about how he has better things to do.
Clothes:
Thortar does not care about what he does to his clothes so they are very dirty and often smell. In warmer weather Thortar wears a small and thin cloak dyed red and made entirely  on his own from one of the many creatures he has killed and skinned. His right eye was injured in an accident  as a boy so on the odd occasion he wears a black eye patch over the eye. He wears rough leather reinforced trousers that look like they’re the only ones he has ever worn, covered in never removed mud and grime. On the odd occasion you might even notice specks of blood from previous encounters.  He also wears a sleeveless leather chest plate, which used to bare bear  the emblem of his tribe, the Boltgrumms, however over the years it has worn off. To most dwarfs this would be an issue; Thortar does not overly mind, and intends on possibly reinstating it, but only when he has the time. On both his wrists he wears leather bands for decoration and tough leather studded boots for grip in all conditions. These boots were crafted back in his home by an old friend in practice for their Wirrutharoon and hold great sentimental value as well as practical.
In the coldest of weather Thortar wears a thick hooded, fur lined, ground length cloak over the top of an old and worn thin blue jacket. The jacket was initially purchased some years back and consequently chose shows some signs of  strain when worn with the buttons done up. Thortar claims he keeps it for simply sentimental reasons, and whilst this is somewhat true the main reason is that he is too cheap to buy a new one. Thortar will also wear thick woollen gloves. Whilst the dwarf is predominantly a frugal dwarf, he seems to believe that he requires good gloves  more than anything else and this results in him purchasing a new pair of gloves reasonably frequently. This is not simply out of a desire for new items, but  also out of a certain level of necessity. Due to his trade, he must use his hands a lot.
In warmer weather, when his jacket and cloak aren’t in use, the jacket is rolled up for storage in the cloak and strapped onto his backpack.


Accessories:
   Thortar carries an awful lot, from his weapons to his bags. The tools he carries are essential for his trade as a guide, as well as hunting and leatherworking.

Weapons & Tools:
   Tools:
•   Bone Saw, used to separate meat from bones.
•   Crusher, used to prepare food.
•   Belt Knife, used to cut meat.
•   Boot Awl, used to cut thick leather.
•   Cobbler’s Knife, crescent shaped blade for cutting leather.
•   Eating Knife, used for, well, eating.
 
Weapons:
•   Light Axe, for throwing while hunting.
•   Fang-axe, for show and intimidation as much as defence.

Bags:
•   Small Meat bag; although given the name, you would assume it is simply for meat, the dwarf uses it for all manner of food. He also  has a small pouch inside in which he stores treats for his eagle Riga
•   Backpack, for carrying his tools and other items.


Personality:
   Thortar is primarily a very stubborn and solitary dwarf, however if required, or if caught in the right mood, he can be very sociable. At times. He has a very good memory, useful, if not vital in his role as an earth guide. It does however also come in useful when remembering specific locations for hunting. His memory means he rarely forgets a face or a grudge held. This combined with a short temper has led to some interesting encounters in the past.
After the years of adventuring and infrequent encounters with others he is somewhat quiet and observing. He is a trustworthy, proud and loyal dwarf, with a dry and sarcastic sense of humour.  Thortar is intelligent and has a good general knowledge.

Strengths
•   Tracking and Guiding/Good Sense of direction: As primarily an Earth guide and hunter this is one of his most important skills.
• Herbs: He can make good nourishing food out of the herbs and resources he finds on his travels in the wilderness.
•Traps: He uses these to catch his food and relies on this to provide most of his food. Due to this reliance he is now adept at producing these effective traps from very little.
•   Connection with animals: After spending many years together he and his pet eagle Riga have developed a connection and through training in hand signs, whistles and other motions a certain level of communication and mutual understanding has been reached.
• Strength: He is a strong and hardy dwarf.
• Steady hand/Good Aim: Not only does he have an uncanny ability to throw small axes incredibly accurately, it also allows him to quickly sew clothes, cut leather and other miniature tasks.
-Calm: The dwarf is unusually calm in most situations and stress seems to have a minimal effect on him. At least that is how it appears from the outside.

Weaknesses:

•   Unsociable: Does not have a lot of contact with other people. Whilst this is somewhat out of choice it does effect on his already lacking social skills.

•   “Loner”: He does not have any friends except his pet. This means he must carry out most tasks on his own. Also has an effect on how people perceive him upon meeting.
•   Connection with Riga: Because of this is connection with the bird he will do nearly anything to make sure that the eagle is ok even risking his own life and possibly others.
•Feared: Because of his appearance he is quite often avoided or feared.
•Drinks: Thortar drinks a lot and when given the opportunity will drink simply for the purpose of getting drunk.
-Night Terrors/Insomnia: Thortar is often faced with the fear of crippling night terrors, reminders of a troubled past. This has led to the development of insomnia out of fear. He will often just sit and wait through the night, or at least until he cannot help falling asleep exhausted.
Lacking in emotion: Thortar finds it hard to express emotion, the deep emotion, how he really feels and will consequently bottle it all up, along with stresses placed upon him. On those nights he stays awake, he often becomes enormously depressed after spending the time thinking about his parents, worrying about his past and what is to come. This inability to express emotions means that it is hard for him to form the strong relationship he desires.
Clumsy: Has a habit for falling over  or dropping things in ways not quite understandable by most.


Familiar:

   Thortar has a Torán eagle as a familiar. It is usually very hard to train these birds if caught when fully grown. While out on his Wirrutharoon he found the abandoned nest of a Torán eagle and decided to take the orphaned chicks and care for them as best he could.Given the lack of supplies he had at the time, out of the four chicks he had rescued only one survived the experience. Riga. After returning to his home after the Wirrutharoon he began attempting to train the bird or at least, have some level of control over it. Knowing that training these birds usually turned out bad he was very careful not to lose its confidence. He was careful not to lose the trust and connection the two had gained out on his service and this mutual trust led to some altercations with the elders of his tribe. It was during this learning phase he acquired his scar and injured his eye through an accident in the mines involving the eagle Riga. Fortunately, though, by the time the bird had reached adolescence after the initial training the eagle and the dwarf were inseparable. He has learnt an awful lot along with the eagle he named Riga after his departed mother and the two have a special bond and would protect each other with their respective lives.

History:

   Thortar had a rather bad childhood. His father died young and he had to mature quickly in order to care for his mother. He was rejected or at least ignored by most dwarves his age because of rumours about his family and his obsessive personality at the time something that later on would be greatly valued by the elders of his tribe. Because of his difficulty forming friendships with dwarves a similar age he sought friendship in the older dwarves, something else that often sparked rumours.

--History told by Thortar--

“I was born in 1568, my mother and father were both members of the Boltgrumms tribe and were fairly well known. I was an only child so my parents spoilt me whenever given the chance. I would commonly escape the nursery and wander off on my own to explore but of course i would eventually be apprehended.

At the age of twenty four my father died from a form of stroke, leaving my mother and me on our own. From that point on our family was shunned because of hideous rumour that my father’s death was caused by my widowed mother. A rumour which, by the way is both hurtful and entirely incorrect. Although I was young at the time I know for certain my mother and father loved each other dearly and when he passed away she was heartbroken and inconsolable.
Even at that young age i knew when something hurt my mother and would always do my utmost to reassure my mother that all was as well as it could be. Even when my mother would randomly just sit down and cry.

When I hit fifty, although still young, I was allowed to wander the mines and caves on my own and explore. Over the past twenty or so years my mother and i had formed a special relationship. She trusted me and i her. In my opinion our relationship was so special because of how the traditionally tight-knit dwarven community we lived in had, to a certain extent, shunned us. We had to help each other through tough times and when i turned fifty my mother knew and trusted me enough to let me have a remarkable amount of freedom.
It was at this point I formed a fascination for exploring, learning my way through the mines, learning to read maps, learning to form routes quickly and with a good knowledge of time and distance. This when i knew i was to be an earth guide and I was pleased with what i was to become, relieved that i would find a place among my community unlike my aging mother. However it seemed to have the opposite effect, i was so obsessed with learning my gift i did not notice the vast quantities of time i spent alone exploring. I often became worryingly obsessive and this led to my falling in the social standings among dwarfs my age and become known as a loner. At this point in time I only had one close friend but even then he was not that close.  Having been required to mature so young to look after my mother, something i do not regret at all meant i often sought refuge amongst elder dwarves of the tribe.

At the age seventy my only friend was a 65 year old who was in much the situation I was at his age, having his father fall ill and become bed ridden. I spent most of my time exploring the tunnels and it was at this time i stumbled across the outside world, not through the main entrances however,  but through ancient and long abandoned tunnels only i really ventured through. The open world that greeted me was fresh and intriguing. Having almost entirely learnt the local underground off by heart it was a brilliant and slightly unnerving experience to be out in a world that i knew so little about. To this day i love discovering a new place, untouched by my peoples.

Upon reaching the outside world i began learning and watching the environment around me, and would now  frequently visit instead of simply staying underground. I recall one time that i foolishly wandered too far and did not make it back to the small tunnel entrance before dark. I decided that it would be a worthwhile experience to sleep beneath the open sky. Whilst lying awake i began making things out of the branches on the ground around me, namely small wooden knives or incredibly simple wooden mechanisms such as traps consisting of a flexible branch and a tougher one combined. Anyway it does not matter, when i look back at them they were very rudimentary. However at the time it interested me and i made better and more of these tools in the days to come. I decided that I would camp out more often. My mother did not mind; she had become interested in reading, and reading huge quantities - whenever I saw her, she seemed to have a book in her hands. In order to survive these increasingly longer stints of camping, often a couple of days at a time, i required food. I decided upon placing some of my more recent traps out in the hope of catching some rabbit. I did. Finding these traps was never an issue, and throughout the next couple of years i spent more and more time exploring the land above ground, further alienating myself from the dwarves my age.  

When i was at the age of 87 my mother passed away in her sleep, never seeing me reach my Baregozar or Wirruthoon, something that pains me deeply. Suddenly becoming the last of my family I fell into a serious depression for some time and only my call for Baregozar pulled, no dragged, me out of it. In the months leading up to my mother’s death she fell ill and we both knew it would be for the last time. I stayed by her side naturally and read her any book she desired. She became increasingly intrigued by the outside world and often asked for me to read books about it or tell her of my adventures. She loved me greatly, my mother, and always had trust in me. The evening she died i read her a book about a young female bard, a bard fallen in love with a man whom she could never have for he was married. In order to show each other their love they gave each other flowers, flowers that were hard to come by or  exceptionally beautiful. The book was called, ‘The bard’s petal’. My mother loved the idea and said it reminded her of when my father Borin gave her flowers years ago. The next morning i awoke from my sleep on a chair in my mother’s room to see her lying there peacefully on her bed. I did not know at first but i soon found out she had gone.

That winter i was called forth by the Denirim for my Baregozar, we talked about my childhood and parents.  How they had both passed away before their time. We talked about my relationships with others my age and how i had been outside so often. Some liked the thought; others, however, did not. We talked about my desire to become an earth guide and possibly leave the tunnels after my Wirruthoon. They sent me away after that. I waited for weeks to hear back from them and when I did so it was with great apprehension that i wandered back into the room of the Denerim.

They approved and agreed with me that i must become an earth guide, but were not so sold on the idea of me leaving the tunnels. I was pleased and relieved at the decision. I remember it vividly to this day.

Following my Baregozar i had my Wirruthoon along with the other dwarves my age. The Denerim thought it a fitting and a suitable service or challenge for me, as an earth guide to be, to venture out into the unknown outside world and bring back a flower, a flower from the book ‘The Bard’s Petal’, the book  that i had read to my dying mother. I liked the idea and left. This time, however i left through the main entrance; well; exit for me.
The first half of the trip was pretty uneventful and i made ground quickly. I knew not where i was heading, so instead headed south, in the direction of the climate i assumed would be  a more suitable one for the flower to grow. About 18 or so days into the trip i was out checking the traps i had left the night before, in hope of finding some breakfast and if lucky some food to cook and carry with me. It was, i think, at the third empty trap i got to that i heard a noise, a terrible screeching. I looked up and saw a large nest some three peds up a tree on a large branch. Thinking at first it might be an injured bird , I thought should try my best to put it of its misery – with of course the possible bonus of some. I remember i began thinking of possible ways up to the branch when i decided to go and fetch my axe in order to cut out foot and hand holds up the tree trunk. Now this took some time, i’m only short and three peds is a long way up. But i was in no rush,  i still had food supply from my last catch and i had been given easily enough time to complete my Wirruthoon. Anyway i got up to the branch near evening and instead of an injured bird there were four chicks. At the time i knew not what type of bird, but i know now they were Tóran eagle chicks. But i digress, for that is neither here nor there, so back to the story.  I decided nearly immediately that i should help; they were clearly abandoned for there was no food in the nest and i had been working at the tree for most of the day and had seen a bird not once. So i took the chicks back to my camp and gave them food. I made an attempt at a small wooden nest shaped thing made from twigs and branches nearby. This would serve as a way of transporting them and taking them with me on my journey.

The rest of the journey continued pretty uneventfully if i am honest; I would greatly love if i had become enveloped in some conspiracy or vast fight so i may have a story to tell. But i didn’t. I found a huge flowering plant known as Succubus Leaf a beautiful plant that has a short stem but a long, tall and thin flower with incredibly vibrant colours roughly one and a half peds high. I took a few samples as i was aware that i might lose some on the way. Fortunately i kept all the flowers on the journey home, but it was a tough journey: food was hard and the weather took a turn for the worse. These two factors combined and resulted in the loss of three of the four birds. They had slowed me down incredibly and whilst upset to see them go i was slightly relieved there would be more food to go around.
I arrived home with two days to spare, later than i would have hoped, but for obvious reasons. After presenting the Denerim with the Succubus Leaf and explaining my adventure they felt i had proved myself as not only as an Earth guide but as an adult dwarf. Upon showing them the eagle chick i had rescued they allowed me, resentfully, to keep the eagle as my own.

I moved back into my old family house as a fully grown dwarf and began focusing my time on my eagle chick. I had decided to name it Riga after my mother. I felt it suited the bird. I would spend hours if not days at a time with the bird, either in large caverns or in the outside world, training the bird in flying, and attempting to train it at hunting, although this naturally proved somewhat harder. The rest of the time i would earn my living guiding the other dwarves or on the rare occasion an outsider. In both situations Riga would follow close behind. This continued for about a year. When I turned ninety two Riga was nearly fully grown but still young. The bird was large and travelling through the small tunnels of home gave it no joy. It was at this time that i gained my scar. Yes you may have noticed. It was a simple enough story, yet one i shall never forget.

Riga and i had been asked to guide two dwarves from another tribe around some of the lesser known tunnels and sights. It was after showing them to their respective lodgings that i decided to go and take Riga for a fly. We went off to a quiet cavern that was traversed by a thin, single solitary bridge. This was a cavern that Riga often flew in and it was just the same as any other time we had been there until when letting go of the bird we became entangled and without knowing Riga started to drag me to the edge of the path - not far, a couple of palmspans, but enough for us both to realise what was truly happening and give us time to panic. I immediately tried to cut myself free, you see somehow the tassels on my shoulder that Riga sat on had become caught and tangled around the birds talons and leg. This, by the way, is why I now have a simple shoulder cover for Riga to sit on. As i reached up to grab and swipe at the leather tassels with my small knife, the bird dropped suddenly and i lightly grazed the bird’s leg. As an immediate reaction the bird moved its leg and accidentally sliced across my right eye and brow. This motion loosened me from our entanglement and i dropped to the ground in crippling pain. After the bird’s leg was freed it flew off into the darkness in a panic. Naturally i was worried for the bird however could do nothing to find her. I simply had to hope she would find her way back home.

After losing Riga i struggled back home, finding my way with one eye was no challenge however the pain slowed me down. When i reached home i attempted to crudely care tofor my eye; i refused to leave the house for proper medical attention till Riga returned. I had to wait nearly a day and when Riga returned the bird was soaking wet, but fine. Clearly the bird had got lost in one of the great undercaverns which held a lake or waterfall of sorts. i did not mind. My bird was back and in good health.

My eye was left half blind and basically useless and there were some rumours spread that i would not be able to keep working as an Earth guide. However, those foolish enough to believe such a thing know nothing of earth guides, for we spend large amounts of time plying our trade in pitch black and still get our job done. These rumours simply served to remind me of the days when it was just my mother and i. It brought back the memories of isolation and i felt the same again. Why was i still there? There was nothing for me. I decided to leave. I wanted to get that rush of  learning new routes, exploring new land and guiding people through unknown places and still getting them there. That was why I had become an Earth guide.

And so I went and consulted with the Denerim.I explained how I felt and i think they appreciated that there was no way they could persuade me to stay. So at the age of 93 i left the Boltgrumms. It was a sad time but i was leaving to do what i love to do.
And now you find me as i am, 98, still with Riga, and doing what i was born to do.
Now it was nice to reminisce, but if that’s all I have a beer to finish.”
« Last Edit: November 28, 2012, 09:20:47 PM by Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin » Logged

Kareesh Valendar
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« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2011, 11:15:09 AM »

Hey, Thortar. Welcome back to Santharia. I'll take a closer look at your character a bit later, but I just wanted to say this before I forgot or someone else did. In the heading of your topic, it needs to be Character Name/Tribe/Occupation.

I'll be back in a bit to give it a more thorough read-through. :)
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Alýr (Rayne)
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« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2011, 01:18:21 PM »

Boltgrumms are not a developed tribe, which naturally makes things a bit difficult. However, I don't think that's a problem, really, as long as things stay or or less generic in a dwarvish-ie sense.

Glancing through this profile, nothing raises a red flag, though I'll need to take a closer read to make sure. However, I think you can expect your approvals and a title pretty soon.
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Thorgas Ironforge
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« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2011, 03:52:20 PM »

Greetings Thortar, and welcome to the Dream. I love your CD. Short and sweet, like a dwarf. LOL

Name: Thortar

Gender: Male

Occupation: Master Hunter and skinner (Dwarven occupation is gender segregated, meaning some jobs are only for males, others for females, and some for both. Your chosen career, the hunter, is usually a job for female dwarves. You would have to explain to us how he became a hunter.)

Tribe: Boltgrumms (As mentioned by others, this is an undeveloped tribe. We have no problems with it, but since the information is lacking we would have to base your character on the general dwarven entry.)

Age: 27 (This is very young for a dwarf to be a master hunter and skinner. The age of weaning for baby dwarves is from 1 - 10 human years, and dwarves are only considered an adult and thus a contributing member of their society at the age of 90 years old, after passing their Baregozar and Wirrutharoon.)

Born: 1640 (I think you might need to change this if you're going to change his age.)

Title: Beast keeper

Race: Dwarves

Height: 1.2 peds

Weight: 2 pyge

Hair: Bald with Black beard (You're a 27 year old bald dwarf right? Isn't that a little too young to be losing your hair? :) maybe you mean your head is shaven?)

Skin: Pale

Eyes: Stone Gray

Overview:  
   Thortar is a stern solitary dwarf hunter spending most of his time alone with his pet. He is sturdy and muscular but slightly thick sometimes.  

Appearance:
Thortar, though similar in appearance to humans is significantly smaller and a bit fatter. He has clear musculature and is very fit and healthy. He does not care about cleanliness saying that he has better things to do, and it shows. He is very hardy and that shows in his appearance.  
Clothes:
Thortar does not care about what he does to his clothes so the are very dirty and smell(smelly). Thortar wears a small red cloak produced by him from one of the many creatures captured and skinned by himself. His right eye was injured hunting as a boy so he wears a black eye patch over his right eye. He wears rough trousers that look like they’re the only ones he has ever worn. He also wears a sleeveless leather chest plate. On both his hands he has leather wristbands for decoration. He wears tough leather studded boots for grip in all conditions. He will also wear gloves.

Face:
   Thortar is bald, at least on the top of his head he is. He has black hair forming a beard that covers up most of his face so that the only way to show his feelings is through the eyes. His Beard is very important and is a simple(symbol) of pride and strength. It is braded with rings keeping them together. His right eye has a scar go right through it so to stop questions he wears an eye patch. He has thick bushy eyebrows and deep-set eyes. His face is rough in appearance and ravaged by time and the elements. (Based on your description of your face, he sounds much older than 27 years old. :) )

Accessories:
   Thortar carries an awful lot from weapons to bags. The tools he carries are essential for his trade, hunting and leatherworking(Is this the same as skinning?).

Weapons & Tools:
   Tools:
·   Bone Saw, used to separate meat from bones.
·   Crusher, used to prepare food.
·   Belt Knife, used to cut meat.
·   Boot Awl, used to cut thick leather.
·   Cobbler’s Knife, crescent shaped blade for cutting leather.
·   Eating Knife, used for,(remove the comma here.) eating.

Weapons:
·   Light Axe, for throwing while hunting.
·   Fang-axe, for show and intimidation as much as defence.

Bags:
·   Meat bag, for holding meat for rewards and snacks.
·   Backpack, for carrying things.


Personality:
   Thortar is stubborn, solitary but can be very sociable at times. He has a very good memory that allows him to remember specific places to hunt or faces. He won’t try to speak to someone so he waits for them to come to him and talk to him. Thortar is very intelligent and respectful.

Strengths
·   Tracking: As a hunter this one of his most important skill.
·   Herbs: He can make food with healing powers. (Healing powers? As in magic? Although we have a vast collection of herbs with healing properties, injuries won't be gone in the blink of an eye just because you slapped a few herbs on it. They only facilitate faster regeneration and healing.)
·   Traps: He uses these to catch his food and relies on this to provide most of his food. (Does this mean he is adept at making traps? Please clarify this strength.)
·   Connection with animals: He can “connect with his pet falcon allowing them a small amount of communication. (How? Is his pet trained to understand sign or verbal language? The only thing I know of dwarves being able to communicate with animals is through Singspeakers, and they use bats to do so. Singpeakers are trained to interpret and send messages thru a bat's echolocation blips.)
·   Strength: Strong.
·   Steady hand: Allowing him to sew clothes, cut leather or aim well.
·   Throwing: He has an uncanny ability to throw small axes over a small distance. (Everyone can throw weapons over short distances.. Perhaps you meant he can throw small axes accurately? Accuracy is not something people are born with, you know. ;) )

Weaknesses:
·   Unsociable: Does not have a lot of contact with other people.
·   “Loner”: He does not have any friends except his pet.
·   Peaceful: He only defends himself. (I'm confused at this. Isn't being peaceful a good thing? You don't need to attack anyone to show you're not weak. :) )
·   Bad sense of distance: Cannot tell how far things are as well as others.
·   Connection with animals: Because of this he thinks a lot before killing and while hunting only goes for the old or crippled.
·   Feared: Because of his appearance he is quite often feared or avoided.
·   Drinks: Thortar Drinks a lot and can get drunk.
·   Thin: Thortar does not have much food so he only has pure muscle and barely any fat. Because of this he gets cold easily, forcing him to wear a lot of clothes during the colder seasons. (You said in your appearance section that he is fit and healthy. This statement contradicts your earlier statement.)

Familiar:

   Thortar has a Torán eagle as a familiar. It is usually very hard to train these birds but while hunting he found a nest of Torán eggs and decided to take one to train(I think it would be safe to assume that he didn't train the egg. How did he hatch it?). Knowing that training these birds usually turned out bad he was very careful not to lose its confidence. It was during this dangerous period of gaining trust and learning he acquired his scar and injured his eye. Fortunately though it worked out and he has learnt an awful lot along with the eagle he named Riga after his departed father. He now has a special bond with Riga and they never leave each other.

History:

   Thortar had a rather bad childhood he was rejected by all the dwarves his age because of his thoughtfulness(Wait what? I would think that as a thoughtful child he would have gained the trust of his peers, mainly because a dwarven clan is a tightly knitted society that treasures their community and family above all else.) so he socialised(socialized) with the older dwarves.

--History told by Thortar--

“I was born in 1640, my mother and father were both members of the boltgrumm tribe and were fairly well known. I was an only child so my parents spoilt me when given the chance. I would commonly escape the nursery and wander of(off) on my own to explore but of I would eventually be apprehended.

At the age of four(You might need to change this, because weaning age for baby dwarves is from 1 - 10 years old. At the age of four you would still be, uhm.. Bottle fed, I think.) my father died from a form of stroke, leaving my mother and I on our own. From that point on our family was shunned because of common belief that my father( ' )s death was caused by my widowed mother(What? This is not a superstition common among the dwarves.). I would often get worried when my mother would randomly just sit down and cry.

When I was ten I was allowed to wander on my own and explore(Highly unlikely. Why would they let someone barely off the weaning age to wander on their own?), it was at this point I formed a fascination about animals especially the animals from above ground. I would often leave the caves and go above ground to look for animals and especially birds. By that time I had started to watch a family of Torán eagles.

I became fixated on this family of eagles and would spend all the free time I had watching them. This is what led to my falling in the social standings of the dwarfs my age and become known as a loner. At this point in time I only had on close friend but even then he was not that close.  

At the age of fifteen(Again, age problem here.) my only friend was an eleven year old(And here) who was in much the situation I was at his age. I spent must(most) of my time outside hunting and watching my eagles. It was at this point that the eagles had eggs, after much deliberation I thought this would be my only chance to have a pet so I climbed up to the nest and stole one of the eggs. I managed to hatch the egg(How? A human or dwarf sitting on an egg will not hatch it. Thomas Edison tried and he failed. LOL ) and raise it to adult hood whilst training the bird I now call Riga after my dead father. Riga would follow me around everywhere, injuring me accidentally most of the time.

At the age of 23 my mother passed away in her sleep and being the last of my family I went into a serious depression for two years. The only reason I left it was because of my beloved eagle Riga. After that I decided to leave the caves and wander (You seem to be lacking two important aspects of a dwarf's life that he would not dare leave home without doing. The first is your Baregozar. This is when the Denirim of a clan will consult with you on different matters. This is important since a dwarf not considered an adult will have most of his decisions hooted down by the adult members of his clan, and in effect your decision to leave the home caverns will be considered an act of a child, You will then have a problem leaving the caves. Next is his Wirrutharoon, a crafted item or an exemplary service related to your profession that shows you are wise and old enough to be considered skillful in your job. This event is held once every ten years and usually consists of a crafted item related to your work but in your case, being a hunter and a skinner, it is usually a form of showing off your hunting skills. A good example would be hunting for a great and dangerous beast and bringing it home for the clan, etc.)

And there you go. If you have any questions feel free to contact one of our CD forum moderators here to help you.

Have a nice day.
« Last Edit: December 27, 2011, 05:46:20 PM by Thorgas Ironforge » Logged

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Thorgas Ironforge
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« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2011, 10:56:16 PM »

Changed the icon to the pencil while you're integrating Thorgas's comments, feel free to change it back when you're done :)
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« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2011, 08:38:47 AM »

thanks guys, after reading through this again, i realize a lot of work must be done, aha, however i have a few ideas, appreciate the constructive criticism greatly and i will get down to some work. also thank you for the change in status and i shall change the title aswell. :)
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« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2011, 07:39:41 PM »

ok so ive made some changes and added to it in general.comments welcome :) thankyou.

edit: i am aware i should of made changes in a separate colour however a lot of the piece has been nearly entirely rewritten
« Last Edit: December 31, 2011, 10:15:17 PM by Thortar » Logged

Thorgas Ironforge
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« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2011, 10:11:34 PM »

There are a few minor questionable things in your CD, but I think it's not that serious. I'll see if I can get a CD mod here to possibly approve and title you. :)
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« Reply #8 on: December 31, 2011, 10:17:10 PM »

ah, thankyou, may i ask what, so i can adress them? also thankyou greatly for your help before, really usefull. :)
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Thorgas Ironforge
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« Reply #9 on: December 31, 2011, 10:24:48 PM »

You're welcome. :)

They're really not that important, but some of the words were misspelled. We have a spellchecker available, and you can use that if you want to.

Next is the Toran eagle. If I understood correctly, you said the bird lifted you up? While I understand that they are large birds, I am not sure if they are capable of lifting a 2 pygge weight.

I've notified the CD mods to take a look at your CD. You should be titled pretty soon.

EDIT: Oh, and you can invent a name for the book. It's not that big of a deal. :P
« Last Edit: December 31, 2011, 10:29:07 PM by Thorgas Ironforge » Logged

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« Reply #10 on: December 31, 2011, 11:05:14 PM »

aha yer i was a bit hopefull there. i mean i dont feal its important that he goes up high, so maybe started to drag him to the edge, either is workable i think. Oh yer i forgot id left those two blank if im honest, ill think something up. :)
many thanks.
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« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2012, 03:26:58 AM »

Hello, Thortar! It's good to see another Dwarf on the boards. :)

First of all, I have a question about your "connection to animals". From what I read in the history and everywhere else, the only connection to an animal you have is to Riga the eagle. Yet, how does that expand to all the other animals? I can see how having a connection with Riga could be a strength (as you've already described) but the way you describe the weakness....eh....doesn't really work for me.

Perhaps, instead of getting rid of the weakness all together, the weakness could be centered around how, because of your connection to Riga, you'll do anything to protect her at all costs or something like that.

Other than that, everything else looks good. I would suggest just going back over and doing a quick grammar check. My suggestion is to read it out loud, sometimes that gives you a new perspective on it after looking at it for so long. :)
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« Reply #12 on: January 04, 2012, 09:57:56 PM »

ok so ive put in a title for the book, changed, briefly how thortar got the scar over his eye and changed that weekness to, connection with riga. as suggested. :) also had a chance to proof read. comments welcome :)
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« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2012, 08:13:36 PM »

Quote
Aware of what it had done the bird immediately came to my aid and working through the pain we managed to make it back to the town.

I think you will have a problem with this. How did the eagle help Thortar get out? More importantly, how did she know how to react or even recognize this situation? Keep in mind, animals are not that intelligent. At best their behavior would be like to fly far away in panic but will eventually return to their masters, much like the dogs and racing pigeons today.
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« Reply #14 on: January 06, 2012, 04:33:56 AM »

ok so i added what was recommended and i have coloured that orange. Thankyou again my friends all the input so far has been greatly appreciated.
Hopefully i shall be ready for titling soon. again many thanks.
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