Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate

[Oliver]

I deleted the strength about Oliver being very clever and also deleted the weakness about him not being able to swim. I modified the weakness about he ringing in his ears. Hope this is better also I will change it so that the places they are sailing are more realistic.

[Oliver]

Would Eyelia be more of a realistic distance? Also, the Sail family didn't ever travel to the "big city" but of course they knew Milkengrad existed (it just never really had a significant part in the history of him, unless you would like me to include it in the story that would be fine).

[Seh'nara Celebrindal]

In general, so long as the distance you're travelling fits with the amount of time you're spending on the sea, it should be fine. Remember a 5k stral would probably take you over a year to travel, possibly bordering on two to account for problems and for shore breaks. If you want to travel that much, up your age and the time you need to sail.

As for mentioning Milkengrad; it doesn't really matter, to be honest, that would be artistic license.

[Oliver]

Ok thank you very much. I will just increase my age and the time it took to sail to those places.

[Oliver]

Ok I have increased the time it took to sail to all of those places and now Oliver is 25 opposed to 22 years old. Hope this works!

[Seh'nara Celebrindal]

Awesome. I've reread your CD, and I think one last thing is bugging me before I can give you an approval. There seems to be no reason as to why he left his ship. By all accounts, he loves the sea, and wouldn't leave, so just him suddenly leaving is very odd. If you can elaborate on that, I can give you an approval.

[Oliver]

Sure no problem I can for sure add an explanation in my CD as to why he decided to leave his ship.

[Oliver]

The last paragraph describes why he left his ship, hope this is acceptable, thank you.

[Seh'nara Celebrindal]

Awesome. I like it.

First approval.

[Oliver]

Oh awesome! Thank you so much for helping me get my first approval!

[Oliver]

It's been a couple days since my first approval, so I just thought I'd let people know that I am looking for my second one. Thanks everyone.

[Alýr (Rayne)]

Hello, Oliver!

I apologize for the long delay. You have a great CD here, and I hate to see it languish. Let's see if we can't get you your last approval and ship you out to sail on the open seas of the RPG Board.

Out of curiosity, why did you choose Centoraurian as your tribe over Avennorian? The latter are known for being expert sailors. It doesn't matter too much; I'm just curious over your choice.

You never mention the color of your character's hair! Does he have hair? Or a beard? I see one on your character portrait, but it's not mentioned in your character description. Perhaps you might add it in somewhere?

I love the way you've decided to arrange your history--in short chapters focused on particularly salient moments in your character's life. Just make sure you catch all those pesky little typos. These may only be caught by proof-reading (i.e. "captain of a vassal." and "I can sit here knowing Edward Mason got the last laugh!").

Also, I notice you sometimes swtich between past and present tense. Either tense is fine, but it's best to stick with just one rather than going back and forth (i.e. "Haha!" the whole crew was rumbling with laughter. Marty lifts up the cup and laughs wildly...). Maybe give your history a good read-through with tense in mind.

Otherwise, everything looks copacetic. Let me know if you have any questions or if there's anything further information I can provide. I look forward to see you on the RPG board!

[Oliver]

Thank you so much for your input Alyr, I really appreciate it! I will definitely fix all of the things you mentioned! Also, I do mention the color of Oliver's hair right in the the beginning under Appearance so ya just letting you know.

[Oliver]

Alright I fixed spelling errors and made my whole history in the past tense. Let me know if you catch anything else. Also, the main draw to Centoraurian was Efiral Island and it being close to other islands to which Oliver could sail. But I will change his race if Centoraurian just doesn't fit.

[Alýr (Rayne)]

I'm sorry I must be so curt, but I am low on time! 

1) Hair length, style etc.?

2) Beard style, color, etc.?

3) "Haha!" the whole crew was rumbling with laughter. Marty lifts up the cup and laughs wildly,


Centoraurian is all right.

Advanced search

[Members]

Members Total Members: 2849 Latest: abigailjordan Stats Total Posts: 214569 Total Topics: 8052 Online Today: 29 Online Ever: 216 (November 30, 2006, 09:08:03 AM) Users Online Users: 0 Guests: 28 Total: 28

[Artimidor]

	Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream