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Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
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Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
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Posts: 20
Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #15 on:
August 20, 2013, 03:50:27 AM »
I deleted the strength about Oliver being very clever and also deleted the weakness about him not being able to swim. I modified the weakness about he ringing in his ears. Hope this is better also I will change it so that the places they are sailing are more realistic.
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Oliver
Oliver
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #16 on:
August 20, 2013, 03:58:09 AM »
Would Eyelia be more of a realistic distance? Also, the Sail family didn't ever travel to the "big city" but of course they knew Milkengrad existed (it just never really had a significant part in the history of him, unless you would like me to include it in the story that would be fine).
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Oliver
Seh'nara Celebrindal
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Elf, Tethinrhim
Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #17 on:
August 21, 2013, 06:27:40 AM »
In general, so long as the distance you're travelling fits with the amount of time you're spending on the sea, it should be fine. Remember a 5k stral would probably take you over a year to travel, possibly bordering on two to account for problems and for shore breaks. If you want to travel that much, up your age and the time you need to sail.
As for mentioning Milkengrad; it doesn't really matter, to be honest, that would be artistic license.
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Oliver
Wind Changer
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #18 on:
August 21, 2013, 06:43:24 AM »
Ok thank you very much. I will just increase my age and the time it took to sail to those places.
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Oliver
Oliver
Wind Changer
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #19 on:
August 21, 2013, 06:53:55 AM »
Ok I have increased the time it took to sail to all of those places and now Oliver is 25 opposed to 22 years old. Hope this works!
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Oliver
Seh'nara Celebrindal
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Elf, Tethinrhim
Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #20 on:
August 21, 2013, 07:29:50 AM »
Awesome. I've reread your CD, and I think one last thing is bugging me before I can give you an approval. There seems to be no reason as to why he left his ship. By all accounts, he loves the sea, and wouldn't leave, so just him suddenly leaving is very odd. If you can elaborate on that, I can give you an approval.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing to do with it.
-Seh'nara Celebrindal
Oliver
Wind Changer
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #21 on:
August 21, 2013, 09:02:46 AM »
Sure no problem I can for sure add an explanation in my CD as to why he decided to leave his ship.
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Oliver
Oliver
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #22 on:
August 21, 2013, 12:33:39 PM »
The last paragraph describes why he left his ship, hope this is acceptable, thank you.
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Oliver
Seh'nara Celebrindal
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Elf, Tethinrhim
Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #23 on:
August 21, 2013, 02:10:59 PM »
Awesome. I like it.
First approval.
«
Last Edit: August 21, 2013, 02:13:14 PM by Seh'nara Celebrindal
»
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing to do with it.
-Seh'nara Celebrindal
Oliver
Wind Changer
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #24 on:
August 21, 2013, 10:50:51 PM »
Oh awesome! Thank you so much for helping me get my first approval!
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Give nothin' back!
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Oliver
Oliver
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #25 on:
August 26, 2013, 06:36:18 AM »
It's been a couple days since my first approval, so I just thought I'd let people know that I am looking for my second one. Thanks everyone.
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Oliver
Alýr (Rayne)
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #26 on:
September 01, 2013, 03:14:42 PM »
Hello, Oliver!
I apologize for the long delay. You have a great CD here, and I hate to see it languish. Let's see if we can't get you your last approval and ship you out to sail on the open seas of the RPG Board.
Out of curiosity, why did you choose Centoraurian as your tribe over Avennorian? The latter are known for being expert sailors. It doesn't matter too much; I'm just curious over your choice.
You never mention the color of your character's hair! Does he have hair? Or a beard? I see one on your character portrait, but it's not mentioned in your character description. Perhaps you might add it in somewhere?
I love the way you've decided to arrange your history--in short chapters focused on particularly salient moments in your character's life. Just make sure you catch all those pesky little typos. These may only be caught by proof-reading (i.e. "captain of a vassal." and "I can sit here knowing Edward Mason got the last laugh!").
Also, I notice you sometimes swtich between past and present tense. Either tense is fine, but it's best to stick with just one rather than going back and forth (i.e. "Haha!" the whole crew was rumbling with laughter. Marty lifts up the cup and laughs wildly...). Maybe give your history a good read-through with tense in mind.
Otherwise, everything looks copacetic. Let me know if you have any questions or if there's anything further information I can provide. I look forward to see you on the RPG board!
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Oliver
Wind Changer
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #27 on:
September 01, 2013, 03:32:53 PM »
Thank you so much for your input Alyr, I really appreciate it! I will definitely fix all of the things you mentioned! Also, I do mention the color of Oliver's hair right in the the beginning under
Appearance
so ya just letting you know.
«
Last Edit: September 01, 2013, 03:56:44 PM by Oliver
»
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Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean
Oliver
Oliver
Wind Changer
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #28 on:
September 01, 2013, 03:58:58 PM »
Alright I fixed spelling errors and made my whole history in the past tense. Let me know if you catch anything else. Also, the main draw to Centoraurian was Efiral Island and it being close to other islands to which Oliver could sail. But I will change his race if Centoraurian just doesn't fit.
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Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean
Oliver
Alýr (Rayne)
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Re: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate
«
Reply #29 on:
September 01, 2013, 05:04:16 PM »
I'm sorry I must be so curt, but I am low on time!
1) Hair length, style etc.?
2) Beard style, color, etc.?
3) "Haha!" the whole crew was rumbling with laughter. Marty
lifts
up the cup and laughs wildly,
Centoraurian is all right.
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