* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Calendar Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Embed Maximize


Newbies, read these!

Character Creation
FAQs
Restrictions

Main Site
Portraits
Rules
Story Creation
Racial Crossbreeding
Magic

Contact
Tips and Tricks
IRC Chat
Measures Converter
Elven Aging Calculator
Pages: 1 [2] 3   Go Down
Print
Author Topic: Oliver Sail/Centoraurian/Pirate  (Read 7238 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #15 on: August 20, 2013, 03:50:27 AM »

I deleted the strength about Oliver being very clever and also deleted the weakness about him not being able to swim. I modified the weakness about he ringing in his ears. Hope this is better also I will change it so that the places they are sailing are more realistic.
Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #16 on: August 20, 2013, 03:58:09 AM »

Would Eyelia be more of a realistic distance? Also, the Sail family didn't ever travel to the "big city" but of course they knew Milkengrad existed (it just never really had a significant part in the history of him, unless you would like me to include it in the story that would be fine).
Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Seh'nara Celebrindal
Swift Ranger
CD Mod
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2075


Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #17 on: August 21, 2013, 06:27:40 AM »

In general, so long as the distance you're travelling fits with the amount of time you're spending on the sea, it should be fine. Remember a 5k stral would probably take you over a year to travel, possibly bordering on two to account for problems and for shore breaks. If you want to travel that much, up your age and the time you need to sail.

As for mentioning Milkengrad; it doesn't really matter, to be honest, that would be artistic license.
Logged

Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #18 on: August 21, 2013, 06:43:24 AM »

Ok thank you very much. I will just increase my age and the time it took to sail to those places.
Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #19 on: August 21, 2013, 06:53:55 AM »

Ok I have increased the time it took to sail to all of those places and now Oliver is 25 opposed to 22 years old. Hope this works!
Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Seh'nara Celebrindal
Swift Ranger
CD Mod
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2075


Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #20 on: August 21, 2013, 07:29:50 AM »

Awesome. I've reread your CD, and I think one last thing is bugging me before I can give you an approval. There seems to be no reason as to why he left his ship. By all accounts, he loves the sea, and wouldn't leave, so just him suddenly leaving is very odd. If you can elaborate on that, I can give you an approval.
Logged

Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #21 on: August 21, 2013, 09:02:46 AM »

Sure no problem I can for sure add an explanation in my CD as to why he decided to leave his ship.
Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #22 on: August 21, 2013, 12:33:39 PM »

The last paragraph describes why he left his ship, hope this is acceptable, thank you.
Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Seh'nara Celebrindal
Swift Ranger
CD Mod
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2075


Elf, Tethinrhim


« Reply #23 on: August 21, 2013, 02:10:59 PM »

Awesome. I like it.

First approval.
« Last Edit: August 21, 2013, 02:13:14 PM by Seh'nara Celebrindal » Logged

Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #24 on: August 21, 2013, 10:50:51 PM »

Oh awesome! Thank you so much for helping me get my first approval!
Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #25 on: August 26, 2013, 06:36:18 AM »

It's been a couple days since my first approval, so I just thought I'd let people know that I am looking for my second one. Thanks everyone.
Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Alýr (Rayne)
Dreamress
CD Mod
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2051



« Reply #26 on: September 01, 2013, 03:14:42 PM »

Hello, Oliver!

I apologize for the long delay. You have a great CD here, and I hate to see it languish. Let's see if we can't get you your last approval and ship you out to sail on the open seas of the RPG Board. :)

Out of curiosity, why did you choose Centoraurian as your tribe over Avennorian? The latter are known for being expert sailors. It doesn't matter too much; I'm just curious over your choice. :)

You never mention the color of your character's hair! Does he have hair? Or a beard? I see one on your character portrait, but it's not mentioned in your character description. Perhaps you might add it in somewhere?

I love the way you've decided to arrange your history--in short chapters focused on particularly salient moments in your character's life. Just make sure you catch all those pesky little typos. These may only be caught by proof-reading (i.e. "captain of a vassal." and "I can sit here knowing Edward Mason got the last laugh!").

Also, I notice you sometimes swtich between past and present tense. Either tense is fine, but it's best to stick with just one rather than going back and forth (i.e. "Haha!" the whole crew was rumbling with laughter. Marty lifts up the cup and laughs wildly...). Maybe give your history a good read-through with tense in mind.

Otherwise, everything looks copacetic. Let me know if you have any questions or if there's anything further information I can provide. I look forward to see you on the RPG board!
Logged

      
Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #27 on: September 01, 2013, 03:32:53 PM »

Thank you so much for your input Alyr, I really appreciate it! I will definitely fix all of the things you mentioned! Also, I do mention the color of Oliver's hair right in the the beginning under Appearance so ya just letting you know.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2013, 03:56:44 PM by Oliver » Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Oliver
Wind Changer
Approved Character
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 20



« Reply #28 on: September 01, 2013, 03:58:58 PM »

Alright I fixed spelling errors and made my whole history in the past tense. Let me know if you catch anything else. Also, the main draw to Centoraurian was Efiral Island and it being close to other islands to which Oliver could sail. But I will change his race if Centoraurian just doesn't fit.
Logged

Take what ya can!
Give nothin' back!
-Pirates of the Carribean

Oliver
Alýr (Rayne)
Dreamress
CD Mod
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 2051



« Reply #29 on: September 01, 2013, 05:04:16 PM »

I'm sorry I must be so curt, but I am low on time!  buck

1) Hair length, style etc.?

2) Beard style, color, etc.?

3) "Haha!" the whole crew was rumbling with laughter. Marty lifts up the cup and laughs wildly,


Centoraurian is all right. :)
Logged

      
Pages: 1 [2] 3   Go Up
Print
Jump to:  

Recent Posts
[October 05, 2020, 02:58:40 PM]

[March 19, 2020, 03:47:44 AM]

[July 23, 2019, 07:02:29 PM]

[July 23, 2019, 07:02:23 PM]

[August 01, 2018, 03:13:13 PM]

[June 19, 2018, 12:49:51 PM]

[April 28, 2018, 03:44:22 AM]

[April 13, 2018, 06:36:29 AM]

[April 10, 2018, 08:32:04 PM]

[March 09, 2018, 05:45:59 PM]
Members
Total Members: 2842
Latest: Jillvalen
Stats
Total Posts: 214556
Total Topics: 8050
Online Today: 21
Online Ever: 216
(November 30, 2006, 09:08:03 AM)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 17
Total: 17

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx