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Author Topic: Kelinesa Waispel / Caltharian/Shendar / Cartographer  (Read 4932 times)
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Kelinesa
New Santharian

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« on: September 03, 2012, 04:37:05 PM »

INTRODUCTION

Name: Kelinesa Waispel

Gender: Female

Age: 60

Race: Human

Tribe: Caltharian/Shendar

Occupation: Cartographer

Title: Cartographer Sorceress

Character Portrait: None

Overview: Having spent much of her life wandering around Santharia, moving tirelessly from town to town, village to village, never settling in one place for long, Kelinesa, at the age of 60 is finally looking to... wander around Santharia, moving from town to town, village to village, never settling in one place for long.


APPEARANCE

Height: 1 Ped, 2 Fore, 1 Palmspan

Weight: How dare ye ask a woman her weight!

Hair Color: Gray-white

Eye Color: Lucid blue

Physical Appearance: Kelinesa, even in her youth, was a rather tall, slim-figured woman--and despite her age, she has well kept her height, and is as tall as most men. Her face, though wrinkled and a bit pocked, reflects some of the vibrant beauty of her youth. Her skin has lost some of its once sun-kissed hue, but retains a light tan. Her arms and legs are a bit thin, but she is still rather strong for her age (she would most likely win in a women’s senior citizen arm wrestling tournament), and her wiry muscles are quite visible.

She has a very expressive face, particularly her large, round eyes which show in a lucid blue. She wears her hair long, often pulled back by a bandana, and the locks are decorated with all sorts of beads and ribbons. The strands, once of a dark brown hue, have all faded into shades of gray and white--though the change in color has perhaps only increased their loveliness.

Kelinesa has a tattoo of a black butterfly on her left shoulder that she got when she was still a child traveling with the Black Butterfly Rovers. When she was married, both she and Dreafin tattooed a ring about their wedding fingers as a commitment to one another. She had decorative bands tattooed around her right arm soon after the births of each of her children. A few years after the death of her family, she had a decorative band tattooed about her left wrist.

Clothing: As a child, Kelinesa often worn bright-colored dresses to dance, but when she became a student at Ximax, she was forced to don the robes of the school. When she finally left, she happily chose clothing more befitting her personality. Now she often wears a peasant blouse with loose sleeves to her wrists, usually colored white or off-white, and a long, maroon skirt to her shoes, though she also has one in dark blue. She wears a maroon bandana about her head to hold back her hair. Her shoes are of simple leather and come up past her ankle, through they are often hidden by her skirt. She also wears a belt from which she can hold her knife and money bag.

Kelinesa’s appearance is more distinct for her accessories. She wears a great amount of jewelry, though nothing of extreme value. Though she is a widow, she wears her wedding ring religiously--it is an intricately-designed band of silver with a moonstone inlay. Also on her left hand, she wears a silvery band with a clear quartz that was her mother’s on her pointer finger, and a large ring with a red crystal (likely a fake ruby) on her thumb that was her father’s.

On her right hand, on her pinky finger, is a plain silver band that her friend Malthusier gave her for her 50th birthday. On her ring finger, is a ring with bronze, silver, and gold metals braided together--a gift her children gave her for her birthday one year. She wears a light silver ring with elvish inscription on her middle finger; it was a ring her sister found when they were little and that she gave to Kelinesa before she went to Ximax. On her pointer finger is a white ring made out of a whale bone that Dreafin gave her for their anniversary one year.

Kelinesa also wears a number of necklaces. One of them, which is merely a round metal disk on a chain, was her mother’s. She has another with the tooth of a great kraken--or so Dreafin claimed when he gave it to her for her birthday one year. She also has a necklace with brown beads and three eagle talons that her brother gave her for protection before she left for Ximax.

Kelinesa has many piercings in her ears. On both sides she wears large, hooped earrings--again, pieces once belonging to her mother. For a while, she merely had studs in the other two holes in each of her ears. However, one year, Kelinesa’s children scrounged up the money to buy her smaller hooped earrings--each in a different style--but between the store and the ship, Moroc, her youngest son, lost one of the pair he had bought, and so she received five earings instead of six. Her son had felt awful that this last was lost, so Kelinesa got three more piercings. Now she had seven piercings in her ears--and wasn’t it a good thing that she had one single earring! She still wears the earrings her children gave her.

On her right wrist is a number of silver bracelets that were once her mothers. On her right is a bracelet made of white beads carved from whale bone that her children made her. She has an anklet, as well, that she used to wear as a child; when she was young, the bells on it would ring, but the bells have since lost their ringing, and are now silent.


PERSONALITY AND ABILITIES

Personality: “Within each of us is a country; we all have our mountains to keep us safe, our valleys to catch experiences, and our forests to hide our secrets. Life occasionally turns our lands to deserts, or floods it with tragedy, but always grows it by degrees. To know someone is to traverse their landscape, to find the secret paths through their country. You, my friend, have stepped foot upon a vast land, but one many, many others have crossed.”

Kelinesa was always a bit peculiar; her rather quirky nature made her an endearing addition to her Black Butterfly Rover family. Her observations are occasionally unusual, her responses, unexpected, and for this reason she tends to be an interesting if not exhausting conversationalist. Her questions are often unorthodox, but perhaps it is for this reason that people, to their own surprise, enjoy talking to her most of the time: she has a way of making people realize things about themselves or their situation that they didn’t know before.

The death of optimism comes with age, but one should not take her sharp tongue or disparaging looks to mean she lacks faith in those around her, or doesn’t believe in their dreams, hopes, and aspirations. She knows the road to accomplishing ones goals, though, is harsh; and while her life may be only a little more harsh than others of her age and means, she views the world with a certain level of skepticism.

Kelinesa is not predisposed to coddling; if you fall down, well, get up and dust yourself off!--don’t lay there blubbering in the dirt! Perhaps it is this manner that makes people seem braver when she is around: no one wants to show themselves as weak, because Kelinesa will certainly call it out. Perhaps it is this predisposition that earned her the epithet “the dragon” after one knight of Armeros, bewildered by the brazen remarks and insouciant manner of the woman, called her a “dragon among men”.

However, that she doesn’t coddle does not mean she lacks compassion. Time and experience have taught her how to be felicitous with her words. When she shows sympathy, there is something extraordinarily comforting in her gaze and manner--and perhaps it is that her sympathy is so rarely given that to receive it feels like vindication.

While she is in fact a rather powerful sorceress, she can’t actually heal the wounded, raise the dead, or chuck fireballs. And she doesn’t really look like a sorceress at all (though maybe a witch?). She doesn’t often tell people about her magical skill. And why would she? If people really wanted to know, they would ask!


Strengths:

Sharp Mind: Despite her age, Kelinesa has a formidable intellect, though it's often hidden in bewilderingly random observations and strangely enigmatic statements. Often her humor is dry and her wit, biting, and she has all the mental faculties to be a formidable strategist.

Cartographicality: Kelinesa knows her way around, and has an impeccable sense of direction. Years of traversing the kingdom, visiting and revisiting towns, passing through the same woods and valleys time and time again, and seeing the same landscapes pass in and out of seasons, has granted her a impressive knowledge of the kingdom and the roads that ramble through it.

Magic: Kelinesa has a predisposition toward the magical arts--in her case, the art of magical cartography. She can make maps that track the movement of living beings, those that follow one person, and those that deceptively change--even maps that reflect the notes made on another. She is powerful, but only in regards to mapmaking.


Weaknesses:

Slow: At 60, Kelinesa is not nearly as quick on her feet as she used to be when she was young and sprightly. She wears out quickly, and while in her younger days she could run along for miles, climb trees, and dance for hours, she isn’t as able to do so now. She may have a straight spine and good posture, but she still prefers to walk with a staff.

Aching Joints: One of the many unfortunate results of old age. Kelinesa often experiences aching joints--most often in her right hip, but also occasionally in her hands (if she’s working a lot). She takes some herbal remedies for the pain, but they take time to take effect, and never last long enough.

Brazen: Kelinesa has that kind of what-the-hell audacity that can only come with age. She’ll stand up against the meanest orc and call him a miserable toad if she thinks he deserves it! There is a kind of fearless in her manner that threatens, at every turn, to get her into quite a lot of trouble. ... But at least she’s honest.


MAGIC

Kelinesa is, by traditional Ximaxian standards, a Xeua mage, level 3. She began her studies in the Wind School, but after a few years, was moved over the Xeua School, where she muddled through her first few years. She wasn’t mature or motivated enough to learn, and while she clearly had some natural talent for magic, didn’t really progress. It wasn’t until she returned to the school after a year-long absence that she began to make headway and reached level 3. After this, she began to grow discontent with the magic system, and left the school completely to begin experimenting with magic and cartography.

She spent the rest of her life experimenting with and honing her art. She has since forgotten all the spells she learned at the academy (and good riddance!) and has focused her magical energies in the creation of magical maps. Every map takes a great deal of time and effort to make, and how long the map lasts is generally related to the strength of her spells as well as the source materials involved. After almost 40 years of study, she can successfully make a number of magical maps, including:

Individual Tracking Maps: These maps track individuals. In order to make the map, she needs some object deeply connected to the person she’s trying to track. Things like hair and fingernails work well, but objects of great spiritual and emotional value--a necklace commonly worn about the neck, a piece of clothing worn religiously--work best. She builds the manifestation of the connecting into the map, and the map will track the individual for a certain amount of time, usually no more than a few weeks, depending on the source object, and sometimes as little as a few minutes.

Life-force Tracking Maps: Generally rather simple to create, Kelinesa need only make the map sensitive to nearby, highly-fluctuating car’allia of a certain elemental make-up common to animal or human life-forces. These maps are sometimes tricky if the map becomes to sensitive, in which case you may have trees and flowers appear on your map. There is also no telling what may show up--everything from hungry wargs to marauding bandits to a little finch may appear as a light upon the map, without the observer really knowing what it is. These maps can last for years, but are generally not very helpful.

Family/Tribe/Race Tracking Maps: Can be tricky, depending, and generally involve someone offering up their blood, these maps will track either members of a family or members of a certain race, depending on the sensitivity of the map and the spell. These maps can be useful, but particularly the family ones can be hard to make, and will commonly fade in a few weeks or months.

Shifting Maps: A simple enough map to make, Shifting maps merely change as time progresses, either in relation to shifting situations or not. Mountains may move, rivers and lakes may migrate every-so-subtly, and roads which were there when you last looked at the map may suddenly be gone. Such maps can be a good way of deceiving people.

Reflection Maps: While the spell is relatively simple, reflection maps take a bit more labor to creative because two or more are created. One map is the ‘source’ and the other, the ‘reflection.’ Marks made on one map, or things placed on them, are reflected in the reflection map. If the source map can be placed in the hands of an enemy and used by that enemy, the reflection can be valuable to the other camp. These maps can last many, many years.

All these maps involve strengthening or make more sensitive the connection between the map and something else--be in the car’allia around the map or the individual car’all of one person. Depending on the map, they could take hours or days to make, and involve a great deal of willpower. Kelinesa understands the value of these maps, and also the destruction they can bring, and is therefore very selective of the maps she makes and who she makes them for. And even when she agrees, they can cost a pretty penny.


HISTORY

Kelinesa grew up in the Black Butterfly Rovers; her father was adept with dagger-throwing, and her mother served as a medium and fortune-teller. She was the last of three children: her brother Trevel, four years her senior, was an acrobat and awed spectators by his aerial feats. Her sister, Mariella, was but a year older than her, and the girls were quite close. They began performing together as dancers when they were still very little, and in the evenings would play with their mother’s cards and let her show them how to read palms.

During Kelinesa’s first twelve years, she saw almost all of Santharia thrice. From Nyermersys and the Tandala Mountains to Thalambath and the Nor’sorong peaks, she traversed the kingdom and met all sorts of people. Occasionally while traveling she would even see an elf or dwarf! She very much enjoyed traveling and learning the names of the towns and forests and mountains through which they traveled.

When she was 12 years old, approaching her thirteenth birthday, she had an accident that would prove to change her world entirely. As she was endeavoring to sew her dancing dress, the thread which she was using snapped! It had been a long, hard day--her father had yelled at her for some silly something-or-other, and she was hungry (they hadn’t been able to afford dinner), and then she had torn her dress. She was very upset.. and as she looked angrily at the two pieces of thread, the ends slowly lifted and repaired into one another.

It was a very strange occurrence, but really, Kelinesa was simply glad that her thread was again whole, and finished mending her dress.

It was a few days after her thirteenth birthday that a strange, hooded figure came to their camp. The leader of the camp informed Kelinesa’s parents that the figure had come to talk to them, and when the stranger approached and pulled back the hood, the family was awed to see an elf standing there! Her indigo-eyes and dark hair were enchanting. She introduced herself as Rayne, and told the family that Kelinesa had a great gift, and she referenced the young girl’s spell. At the Magical Academy of Ximax, said the elf, the girl could be trained and develop into a powerful mage.

The family thought on this long and hard--but in the end, they were poor, and the most they would ever be able to offer the young girl was a life of hardship, moving from place to place and hoping for enough to live on. They agreed that Kelinesa should go to the Academy, and an excited, anxious, confused, and sad Kelinesa traveled with the elf to the gates of Ximax.

Kelinesa began her studies in the Wind Tower despite Rayne’s recommendation that she should go into the Xeua school. It took a number of years, but in the end, the Ximax mages agreed to enroll her into the Xeua school; that, it seemed, was where her talents lie.

So at the age of 17, Kelinesa donned the white robes of the White Tower, and began her studies there. However, while she clearly had the skill to produce some magical affects, she didn’t seem to grasp a lot of the philosophy and didn’t seem interested in learning spells. She muddled through, and teachers remarked that she often seemed anxious or distracted. She was always restless, and perhaps a bit lonely, too.

Once she was allowed to leave the academy, she would often visit the city of Ximax. She liked to see all the people, and quickly found a map-maker’s shop that she very much enjoyed visiting. The owner, an old Erpheronian named Malthusier, would happily explain how it all worked, and would show her maps from all over the kingdom, and beyond. He even began to show her how to make them, and happily expounded upon the art of cartography.

It was actually in the map-maker’s shop that she first met Dreafin, a kind, jolly man with a solid, sturdy frame and a fiery-red beard who served as first-mate on a merchant ship that shuttled goods between Milkengrad and Strata. By his captain’s request, he’d come into Ximax to get some goods and find a good map to sail by, and in the pursuit of the latter, found himself in Malthusier’s shop at the same time as Kelinesa.

Dreafin was in Ximax a month collecting what he needed, and after that headed to meet his captain at a port on the edge of the Eight Winds Bay, but not before he and Kelinesa formed a lasting friendship. For the next few years, Dreafin would stop into Ximax whenever he could to visit, and they would send letters to one another.

The letters from Dreafin and the visits to the map-maker’s shop were the few things that brought Kelinesa joy. She found herself increasingly more distracted and worried, and in her 20th year, she learned that her sister had grown terribly ill. She left Ximax less than a week after, and traveled out to find the Black Butterfly Rovers. She met up with them just as they were passing out of the city of Salsair. Her sister, once so strong, had grown very weak. For the next several weeks, she and her mother tried desperately to nurse the poor girl to health, but it was no use: she passed away one evening in early spring.

The next year was filled with tragedy. When summer approached, her brother died in an acrobatics accident. In late summer, early fall, her father was kicked in the head by a horse, and died a few days after. The tragedy and the cold of winter was too much for Kelinesa’s mother; before the year was out, her mother, the last surviving member of her family, passed away and Kelinesa was left alone.

She stayed with the Black Butterfly Rovers for another few months, until the winter was thawing, but at that time, realized that she no longer had a place with them. The dance routines she had done as a child were not enough to sustain her as an adult, and the few spells she knew weren’t impressive enough to attract spectators. As spring returned to Santharia, Kelinesa returned to Ximax.

Ximax welcomed its peculiar student home. The last year had been one of growth for Kelinesa, and it showed; she applied herself more diligently to her studies, and progressed admirably. She demonstrated good understanding of the philosophical concepts, but still showed only a respectful interest in the spells the Tower had to teach her.

The old map-maker Malthusier was happy to see her again, and Kelinesa often visited her old friend in his shop and he continued to teach her cartography. And it was while she was walking through the streets of Ximax that she met an old friend: Dreafin. They had not corresponded for more than a year, in which time the first-mate had become captain of his own merchant ship, but Dreafin could tell that his friend had changed. They took dinner together and she explained all that had befallen her in the last year. He listened patiently, understandingly, and Kelinesa felt as though he was one of the few people in the world she could really talk to.

When Dreafin left Ximax, the two promised to keep in touch.

Kelinesa’s talent in xeua magic and interest in cartography soon began to mesh. She found herself increasingly disillusioned with the whole of Ximaxian magic; the spells seemed to revolve around obvious aspects, and she often felt constrained. More and more she explored magic on her own and practiced magic on her own terms. She spoke with Rayne, who had originally brought her to Ximax, and by the elfess’s advice, at  the age 23, Kelinesa left the Academy completely and began using magic to help Malthusier. It is a decision she has never regretted, and one that made her extremely happy.

Suddenly, free from the bonds Ximax had placed on her, Kelinesa felt a new sense of freedom. Magically, she could explore to her heart’s content, and she became ever more adept in the art of magical map-making. But the freedom extended beyond mere study; she no longer donned the white robes, and dressed herself as she liked. Her style swayed back to that of her heritage, and she wore gypsy-dressed, bright-colored bandanas, and styled the locks of her hair with beads and ribbons.

Dreafin hardly recognized her when he saw her again. They met and talked and he was glad to see her so happy--and was very uneager to leave when the time came. His absence was comparatively brief. After a few months, he returned to Ximax, and asked for Kelinesa’s hand in marriage. She immediately accepted, and they were wed.

Kelinesa left Ximax--and Malthusier was sad to see her go, but elated that she was so happy. Dreafin took Kelinesa on his trips along the coast, and she, for her part, was glad to be traveling again. She became adept at living on a ship, and could hold her own alongside the male sailors--much to the pride of Dreafin, who loved her deeply. Within the year, Kelinesa became pregnant, and nine months later, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, naming her Tilaine. Kelinesa was a happy, gentle mother and Dreafin, a devoted and loving father and husband.

Tilaine grew up on the ship, and the whole crew was her family. Kelinesa developed a way of tracking people by way of maps and developing maps that would show if a life form was nearby--like a fish, whale, or dolfolk. The family lived quite happily, and before Tilaine had turned three, Kelinesa was pregnant again. This time, she gave birth to a boy, who they named Jaek. A few months after Jaek’s second birthday, Kelinasa gave birth to her youngest and last child, Moroc.

The family grew up traveling. Kelinesa taught her children map-making, and her daughter seemed to show some proficiency for magic. Her sons grew strong and healthy. In all her children, she saw their great potential. She and her husband were always a kind and listening ear, and their children would often share their dreams and ambitions with them.

Tilaine became her mother’s protege, but never wished to leave the ship or pursue any formal education. Kelinesa soon discovered why. Tilaine had fallen deeply in love with one of Deafin’s sailor boys, a young man named Bradoc, who loved her in return. Tilaine was still young, but Kelinesa and Dreafin allowed her to marry at 17, and she was pregnant within the year.

However, in the last few months of Tilaine’s pregnancy, she grew very ill. Dreafin stopped at the nearest port in Milkengrad, and Kelinesa took the girl to shore to try to nurse her back to health while the ship hurried to drop off its goods at Thyslan. Bradoc’s mother and father lived in the city, and the two women stayed in one of the small houses they often rented out. Tilaine would sleep for many hours at a time, and awake still half-dreaming. She would call out Bradoc’s name, and Kelinesa would promise that he was on his way back.

Kelinesa followed the return trip of her husband, sons, and son-in-law on a map she had made, where little lights showed where they were. This she would show her daughter to prove their men would be there soon.

As her husband’s ship approached Milkengrad, a great storm shook the seas and roared through the sky. Lightning flashed in the darkness, and rain poured down. Kelinesa watched for the ship’s approach, but could not see through the pouring rain. She followed the map, watching the little lights that represented her husband and sons. And she watched in horror as the lights went out. The sea had swallowed the ship, and her husband and sons along with it.

Kelinesa was devastated, horrified, and while her sick daughter was sleeping in bed, rushed out into the night with the rain still storming and screaming at the storm and the sea to give her back her husband and her sons. She fell upon her knees in the pouring rain, overwhelmed with grief. When she returned home, she found Tilaine delusional but awake, with an awful fever and her water broken.

That night, Tilaine gave birth to a still-born baby boy. And a few days later, Queprur came to collect her soul, as well.

Kelinesa was inconsolable. She would neither eat nor sleep. Friends whom she had met on her many stops in Milkengrad with her husband attempted to care for her, but there was no consoling her. Within a few days, she had lost her three beautiful children and the love of her life. Never again would she bear a child into the world, and never again would she ever fall in love.

 Bradoc’s mother, stricken by the loss of her son, took pity on the woman, and Bradoc’s family--his mother, father, and three sisters--took in the poor woman. For two years Kelinesa was a wreck of a woman. She barely ate. She would sit long moments staring at nothing. Bradoc’s mother was likewise full of sorrow, but while she had her husband and daughters to comfort her, Kelinesa had no one. She was utterly alone.

Day by day, Kelinesa improved. Stoicness turned to occasional bouts of uncontrollable weeping, but soon these bouts became fewer and shorter, and she slowly came to terms with her loss. But just when Bradoc’s family believed the woman had finally recovered, she would suddenly have an outbreak of sorrow and then not leave her room for days. However, she became increasingly able to go out in public without making a spectacle of herself by bursting into tears, and was eventually able to function--washing clothes, doing dishes, cooking food. Her road to recovery was long, because the pain of her loss was so deep.

Three years after the tragedy, Kelinesa had recovered enough to travel, and Bradoc’s family--as well as Kelinesa herself--thought that leaving Milkengrad might be for the best. The city was filled with too many awful memories. Kelinesa returned to the City of Ximax, and Malthusier, having heard of his old friend’s tragedies, took her in. He helped to care for her--for she was still very much a broken woman--but gave her what she ultimately needed: work. He gave her something to do to take her mind off of all that had befallen her.

Over the next several years, she helped Malthusier in his shop, and slowly recovered herself. The bitterness in her heart became the lasting scar of her tragedy, but she came to terms with everything--and slowly gained a better acceptance of death, so when Malthusier passed away when she was 54, she was more able to take the loss--and because Malthusier, upon his death bed, told her, “Promise not to weep for me. Do not be sad. I have lived a good life.”

Kelinesa manned the map-maker’s shop for six years by herself. As she approached her 60th year, though, she had a dream: Dreafin came to her and told her that, though he and their children were gone, her life was not over. He told her that she loved to travel, and she should travel again. Kelinesa, needing no more encouragement than that, rented out the shop, sold most of her things, and returned to the open road.


BELONGINGS

Staff: The worn staff of a hardy oak tree which Kelinesa inherited from Malthusier upon his death. It is carved with old runes, but has no magical properties. While it can be used for self-defense, it is more commonly used for walking, and to knock bumptious upstarts on the noggin. Kelinesa has tied dyed leather strips around it to make sure the wood doesn’t split or splinter, and has slowly been decorating it with other things--little rings and beads.

Bag: A simple, over the shoulder leather bag for carrying an extra change of clothes, basic medicinal herbs (Yarle and Miyu) and herbal remedies for her joints, some light-weight viands, water, parchment and quill for cartography, a few light-weight maps, and some magical reagents (quartz, silver dust, etc.) and a mortar and pestle. Like her staff, the bag is slowly gaining embellishments.

Belt: On her belt she has her money bag and a small knife used for food preparation. She could theoretically use it for self defense, but doesn’t really have the know-how.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2013, 10:37:22 AM by Alýr (Rayne) » Logged
Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2012, 04:38:26 PM »

Attracted by the word 'Shendar' in the title I skimmed over your CD. Very well written, interesting, though tooo long for me to be able to go through in detail. But there was one thing which jumped in my eyes  ...and where I have to protest against fiercely:

Quote
Sharp Mind: Despite her age, Kelinesa has a formidable intellect, though its often hidden in bewilderingly random observations and strangely enigmatic statements.



Have all people 60 years old degenerate intellectually???   evil

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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2012, 05:20:09 PM »

Yes
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Favorite Cartoon Quotes
"It was a dark and stormy night."  - Snoopy
"Ack!" - Bill the Cat
"I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinski." - President Bill Clinton

My Character can be viewed @Angelina Jolie's house.  But knock first, in case I'm in my underwear.
Ryvic Darkveil
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« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2012, 03:24:51 AM »

Nice CD!
In the Magic section, second paragraph, you have "good riddens" in parentheses. I think you meant "good riddance."
Quote
Kelinesa began her studies in the Wind Tower despite Rayne’s recommendation that she should go into the Xeua school. It took a number of years, but in the end, the Ximax mages agreed to enroll her into the Xeua school; that, it seemed, was where her talents lie.
"...seemed, was where her talents lie."
Little bit of a tense change, just slightly awkward.

I assume that by including Rayne in your CD, you either are Rayne, or got her permission. At least that seems like it would be required.

Quote
Bag: ...and some magical reagents (quartz, silver dust, etc.) and a mortar and pestle.
Two 'and's


I can find no other issues with it. I'm not qualified to say much about Xeua magic, but it seemed fine from what little I do know.
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To kill the beast is to kill the man, and to make peace with the beast is to smother the man.
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Kelinesa
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« Reply #4 on: September 07, 2012, 06:45:57 PM »

Thank you, Ryvic!

I have taken all the suggested changes except the one I don't understand: "...seemed, was where her talents lie." Isn't this what I already have? Or am I not seeing it?  Undecided

I assume that by including Rayne in your CD, you either are Rayne, or got her permission. At least that seems like it would be required.

Yes, one of those is true.  :)
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Leif Terskun
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« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2012, 12:01:53 AM »

You switch from "seemed" to "lie" - Ryvic wasn't correcting, just plucking out the problematic phrase.
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« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2012, 01:01:24 AM »

I was suggesting you maybe change 'lie' to 'lay' or something. The CD was good enough as a whole that slightly awkward bits like that stood out, and I thought I'd bring it to your attention.
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« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2012, 04:28:34 AM »

Quote from: Ryvic Darkveil on Yesterday at 20:24:51
I assume that by including Rayne in your CD, you either are Rayne, or got her permission. At least that seems like it would be required.

Yes, one of those is true.  :)


 Rolling

Well, actually, I would like to know it also ;)
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Leif Terskun
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« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2012, 07:55:20 PM »

My personal theory is that everyone on this board who isn't me is Rayne until proven to be Altario...

I've enjoyed this. Nothing glares at me, but I've not had a chance to read it very closely.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2012, 07:57:45 PM by Leif Terskun » Logged

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« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2012, 03:43:00 AM »

Quote
My personal theory is that everyone on this board who isn't me is Rayne until proven to be Altario...


LOL, I did have similar thoughts! ;)
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« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2012, 04:55:33 AM »

Sometimes I'm not even sure I'm not Rayne.
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« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2012, 10:45:46 AM »

I made the changes to the phrase! Please let me know if there's anything else.  :)


Sometimes I'm not even sure I'm not Rayne.

I know the feeling.
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« Reply #12 on: September 15, 2012, 11:24:05 PM »

I made the changes to the phrase! Please let me know if there's anything else.  :)


Sometimes I'm not even sure I'm not Rayne.

I know the feeling.

Me, too!
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« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2012, 10:32:46 PM »

And how do we know that YOU aren't Rayne, Leif?

nice CD by the way, Kelinesa.
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« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2012, 01:14:38 AM »

I made the changes to the phrase! Please let me know if there's anything else.  :)


Sometimes I'm not even sure I'm not Rayne.

I know the feeling.

Me, too!

I'm not convinced. Stop trying to throw us off the scent...

And Dek: If you look at the activity log, I would quite literally have to be online 24 hours a day to make that cycle match up...



Ok, constructive, constructive...

Looks pretty balanced, but my limited understanding of magic means I don't feel confident to proclaim on that. I did, howver, notice in your Magic section "Individual Tacking Maps" --> "Individual Tracking Maps" and "A simple enough map to make, Shifting maps" --> "Simple enough to make, shifting maps". The orange is just a suggestion.

I grow picky again. I like it.
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