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Below is a summary on the posticons used for the character description approval process. The posticon of the first post should always be edited according to the current state of completion of the character description (either by the player, a Moderator or an Administrator).
1) PLAYER - CD is incomplete. Use this posticon if you have not finished your CD.  4) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by one moderator. A second mod's approval is needed.
 2) PLAYER - CD is completed. Use this if you have finished working on your CD.  5) MODERATOR - CD has been approved by two moderators. An Administrator should soon take care of the titling.
 3) MODERATOR - An expert's opinion is needed. The specific field in which the expert's help is needed should be added to the title.  6) ADMINISTRATOR - An administrator has titled the character, and the thread will soon be moved to the CD Archives.
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Author Topic: Shadow / The Hands of Urtengor/ Unemployed Rogue Smith  (Read 7210 times)
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New Santharian

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Posts: 146

« Reply #15 on: May 12, 2013, 03:51:07 AM »

Use google translate

Time passes. Watermelons fly. And I end up with a concussion. And a suicide note. Krausus' CD
New Santharian

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« Reply #16 on: May 12, 2013, 06:21:22 PM »

It gives me gibberish. I gave it to my aunt (who knows Latin) and neither she knows, you might have wrote the sentence wrongly.

Shadow's CD

You have to have a darkness for the dawn to come.
- Harrison Ford
Amabella Catston
Tool and Trinket Trader
Approved Character
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Gender: Female
Posts: 35

Half-Elf, Aellenrhim / Erpheronian

« Reply #17 on: May 13, 2013, 04:03:22 AM »

I like this character, and some of the more unusual characters are so fun to read when I see them in an RP situation.   :)

My biggest question is about the way she crafts new objects (weapons, armor) since she has left her forge. I see that she has the tongs and the hammer, but I'm guessing that a big problem for her would be access to an anvil of some kind, which would most likely be too heavy to carry with her. She would also need a place to be allowed to build a particularly large fire, and enough water to cool the metal. Could it be expanded how she compensates for this as a traveler (particularly for the anvil)?

I'm not ruling out this possibility…Even though psyrpents are not usually trusted by humans, people are still greedy.  devilish Maybe she is able to "rent" out forges from local blacksmiths? Or maybe blacksmiths give her access to forges/anvils in exchange for making some weapons for them? Or both?

Other comments and questions are minor, in teal below:

Name: Shadow
Gender: female
Age: 22
Race: Psyrpent
Tribe:  The Hands of Urtengor
Occupation: Unemployed rouge smith

Title: Dragon Smith

Appearance:Height: 2 2/4 peds I think the height section became misaligned during a later edit

Eye color: Sognastheen green   

Physical appearance:
Although sleek, Shadow has a muscular body build. This is because of her smiting works. I think you mean "smithing" works, though she can also do "smiting" attacks with her hammer too  ;) Even though Shadow comes from The Hands or Urtengor tribe, Shadow has became truly black due to a pigment mutation in her scales. It is unknown what the cause of this mutation is since her brood brothers do not posses it. She has a long tail, about a ped 1/2 long. writing "a ped and a half long" or "1 1/2 peds long" might be easier to read Shadow has a short snout, with a couple of her teeth being visible from her closed mouth. She has a small scar located on her right hand near her wrist.

Shadow is dressed in a brown sleeveless jacket with a white shirt below. She has a matching brown leather belt and black cloth trousers as well. She wears no footwear and also has a large blacksmithing hammer on her back. She uses the hammer, nicknamed “Scalebreaker”, as her weapon during her times of need. She has a traveler's backpack on her back and a small pouch attached to her belt.

 Shadow is usually a silent, neutral person, but if she finds a person in need of help, as long as she find this person worthy, she will do her best to help out the person. She is loyal and if she finds a person she admires, she will try her best to make that person her ally. She is a tough person, and not just anyone can make a good impression on her. If Shadow feels threatened by anyone she will not just sit by, instead she will face anyone that would dare threaten her, but if she sees a match she cannot win she will bow down.

Strengths and weaknesses:

Fire? I'm not afraid of that!
Due to her working at the forge (comma?) fire does not intimidate Shadow. If she is trapped in a ring of fire she wont hesitate to get out. For instance, Shadow will try and take out wildfires she spots on, if she sees someone trapped by such a fire, she won't hesitate and will try and save that person. If she is to be attacked by a fire spell or flaming arrows, Shadow will either try to block those attacks or dodge them.
I will overcome my fears.
If Shadow is being stopped at doing something (exp. (esp.?) saving someone who is drowning) due to her fears she will do her best to get over them, for even just a moment. This is very hard for her to do though, and will happen very rarely, nearly never
Physically strong
Shadow is physically strong from her working at the forge, she can hold heavy items (such as a two-handed mallet), and give a strong punch (to a average human, a normal punch for her would result dislocation of the jaw.)
Skilled smith
All those years working at the forge made Shadow a very skilled blacksmith, this makes her able to craft a lot of objects; armour, weapons, small trinkets. Her expertise level would be expert.
Patience is a virtue
Shadow is very patient, when fighting Shadow patiently reads her opponents moves in hope to beat them.
Knife throwing
In her free time Shadow practiced knife throwing. She did this in case of sudden attacks in which she would need the upper hand. Her expertise level in knife throwing is not so great but it good enough to sometimes cripple her opponents.
I know the alphabet. .
Shadow is literate and can read and write. This is not a huge strength but it separates her from the illiterate folks. She also knows how to roughly speak elvish. Is Styrásh (common elvish) the language she can read and write in? Or is Tharian (the common language for humans and most races) the language she can read and write in? Or both? Based on her history, I'm going to guess that at a minimum, she can speak Tharian and she can read and write Styrásh. If the "book of smithing recipes" she carries is written in Tharian, I would guess that she can read Tharian as well.
Hammer time
Shadow uses a hammer as her weapon of choice. She is a master in handling this weapon.
I don't want to be a bird
Shadow is afraid of heights, being too height (high?) may make Shadow get into a paralysis. (or maybe "being too high paralyzes Shadow with fear")

I'm not a fan of water
Being around dry land for most of her life, Shadow doesn't like the idea of getting wet, she will normally use water for her smithing and drinking, but she prefers if possible to stay out of rivers, lakes, and basically any larger area of water. Due to this Shadow doesn't know how to swim.
Shadow is slow, meaning she can be outmaneuvered and outrun easily.

 Shadow was born together with seven others. After she was taught by the broodmother for ten years, she was sent to one of the four Hand guilds; Hands of the forge. There she worked as a blacksmith and forged many tools, weapons and armour. She was very talented ever since she picked up her tongs and hammer with which she shaped metal into countless objects, further improving her skills. She worked mindlessly like this for eight long years. In this time Shadow  read countless books on elf  languages, successfully teaching herself how to speak the basics.If she first learned Styrásh through reading it (rather than speaking to an elf during her travels) I'm thinking that she had gained literacy in Styrásh too, which is a strength. I'm not sure if she had any practice listening to the language or speaking the language to an elf, though this may be possible depending on where she traveled. From what I have read so far, I think the dialect may vary even amongst elves, but she may still be understood.

 After those years Shadow worked at the guild she abandoned it, thus becoming rouge. Her reason for abandonment was due to her unwillingness to be a pawn of The Broodmother Council and The Triumvirate any longer. She left after getting a sudden clairvoyance. At a moment she just looked around herself and noticed how countless individuals, like herself, were just working after the orders of a few persons. She wanted to be free and explore the world. She then took her hammer and left unnoticed.

A few months before she abandoned her guild, Shadow rescued a young male Psyrepent from a pair of other older males. That is when she first encountered knife throwing. After she manged to beat them down she decided to try knife throwing as another form of combat. She tried it first on some mice that usually sneaked around her forge, that's when she grew fond of the knife throwing and continued practicing on a couple of other objects. After a while she became good at it and it serves her today as well.

After abandoning her home she started lurking the lands, mostly off the main roads, as this would mean less contact with other races. At first she had problems with earning money, this would mean that she would need to go to towns and villages she would rather avoid than visit. When she was desperate and in need of money, she would build a merchant stand near villages, cloak herself in a dark cloak and sat down, while trying to look as human as possible. When she did this she refrained from talking too much and did her best not to get her identity shown. It took a couple of tries for her to get this method right, but it proved effective after awhile. I'm guessing that she sold items that she crafted (weapons, etc.) at her merchant stand? As long as she has a way to make them (in my initial question above) I see no problem with this. If she able to talk effectively to humans, I'm going to guess that Tharian is one of her languages, in addition to Styrásh.

On her travels she saw much of the world. During these travels, she met large water surfaces. Not seeing such surfaces was a bit taunting to her and after once slipping off a ledge into one of these watery areas she nearly drowned which made her even more afraid of such things than before.

On one occasion during her travels Shadow was eating when a Forest twotails came and started sniffling around. Shadow offered it Loriv berries after which the twotails became inseparable from Shadow. Although Shadow tried to make the critter go away for unknown reasons it stayed with Shadow. Shadow later nicknamed it Lory.

Shadow continued wandering the lands in search for her true place, though she has yet to find where she truly belongs though.

Weapons: Shadow wears her hammer “Scalebreaker” on her back at all times. The hammer is about 3/4 of a ped long, its metal block is made from a mix of mithril ( which she bought off from a starving traveling dwarf) and steel, the hammer has a steel shaft. She also has a pouch of throwing knives on her belt. The pouch contains ten steel knives. She can throw these knives on a distance of eight to nine peds with great accuracy. If a enemy is in range of her hammer she won't use the knives.
Belongings: Shadow has a book of smiting (smithing) recipes and a pair of tongs in her backpack. She also has a small diary in her pocket. She keeps a bedroll attached to her backpack, and possesses a rather small amount of Santharian currency (in her possession are four san coins located somewhere at the bottom of her backpack. She also carries some flint and steel and a few dried sticks when in need of fire. She doesn't use fire that much due to avoiding contact with other races.

Familiars: Lory (Forest twotails), it is about one and a half palmspans long from head to tailtip. It's fur colour is gray, and its two tails are of normal black and white. It has a white spot in the middle of its head fur.

New Santharian

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Gender: Female
Posts: 34

« Reply #18 on: May 13, 2013, 04:14:35 PM »

Thank you Amabella! You can never improve a CD too much ;D Which reminds me I forgot to write about her telekinesis and telepathy tho <.< Probably should write something about those since she has those two skills as a psyrepent.

Future edits to be made: 1. Appearance, I will change the coloring slightly
                                    2. History, Will do a bit of adding to her history in the brood, including something about her mutation
                                    3. Magic*, Her telepathy and telekinesis abilities
                                    4. Will remove yellow from previous edits

* Not sure if to write this in a magic entry hence its a inborn ability. I probably will so I don't cause confusion.
« Last Edit: May 15, 2013, 01:46:57 AM by Shadow » Logged

Shadow's CD

You have to have a darkness for the dawn to come.
- Harrison Ford
New Santharian

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Posts: 34

« Reply #19 on: May 15, 2013, 04:21:23 PM »

The CD has been edited, I have left some of the previous yellow edits, and added new ones. History and appearance has been added to and Shadow's powers have been added to her strengths, history and magic areas! Comment away!

Due to my mother grounding me I might not appear for a week to three weeks. Thank you for your understanding.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2013, 02:59:39 AM by Shadow » Logged

Shadow's CD

You have to have a darkness for the dawn to come.
- Harrison Ford
Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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Gender: Male
Posts: 7034

Human, Remusian

« Reply #20 on: May 21, 2013, 05:13:04 AM »

Good day, Shadow.  :)

I'm only going to comment on appearance at the moment. 

You have chosen a Race that is listed in the Restricted section.  This is because these creatures can become overpowered very easy (which others have expressed a concern in this CD, so you may want to look into toning it down a little), and they can be played overpowered very easily.  For this reason they are Restricted to an Approval by the Admin (which includes the CD Mods).  Restricted Races are not usually granted to Newbies, because we have no previous RP examples to determine whether the player will play the CD within reason.

To this end, I have a problem with your appearance section.  You have chosen a Clan, the Hands of Urtengor, that has a specific description in the entry.  You have ignored this description and put in that it is because of a "gene mutation".  First, in this world we do not know about "genes" or "mutations" of genes.  This is too modern. 

However, that is only the minor part of my objection.  My major objection is that it makes me worry about how you may play this character.  You can't just take rules and simply overrun them by placing a contrived reason to ignore it.  This is what it appears to be with the Appearance section.  You want the cool factor of the Psyrpent race, then you want to up that cool factor by making it whatever colour you want and changing the tail.  If you can't follow the Race Description of the creature you want, then what else will you simply demand during a game by coming up with some fuzzy logic?

If you were a Veteran, where I had complete confidence in your RP style, I might ignore what may seem a trivial thing.  But, that is not the case.  So, I must insist that, as a Newbie, that your CD follow closely the parameters set in the Compendium Entry, and that you follow the advice of any and all mods who comment of the CD, in particular, the concerns of Strengths and Weaknesses.

 :D  Good luck with the CD.  If you follow this advice, you shouldn't have too long a wait before it can be titled.


Favorite Cartoon Quotes
"It was a dark and stormy night."  - Snoopy
"Ack!" - Bill the Cat
"I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinski." - President Bill Clinton

My Character can be viewed @Angelina Jolie's house.  But knock first, in case I'm in my underwear.
New Santharian

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Posts: 34

« Reply #21 on: May 22, 2013, 12:19:59 AM »

Thank you Altario, i knew people would be concered about me choosing such a race, hence im a newbie, but I decided to go for it anyway. I will remove the coloration the next time i get on a computer, I thought I could expres the different color as gene mutation to us(the players) while as something else to the characters. Well since I am not a veteran at rp on forums (but I still have expirience from games) I will change my character to your liking. Thank you once more! ^.^

Shadow's CD

You have to have a darkness for the dawn to come.
- Harrison Ford
New Santharian

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Gender: Male
Posts: 146

« Reply #22 on: July 29, 2013, 06:37:15 AM »

Oof, before i say anything. Shadow. Im sorry bro. I never thought i would ever be approved before you. Odd. Now. I might consider using the right format. Then post in the "look at my CD"  thread.

-Erik  grin Pet

Time passes. Watermelons fly. And I end up with a concussion. And a suicide note. Krausus' CD
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