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Author Topic: Sanzoku/Ifer'hm/Assassin  (Read 4895 times)
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Sanzoku
Eye of the Black Flame
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Elf, Ifer'hm


« Reply #15 on: August 11, 2013, 03:05:31 AM »

Actually that is a bit of a common misconception. Not everyone who is diagnosed with MPD or DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). Actually has "split personalities" residing in them. Some of the most common side effects are hallucination in the form of hearing voices, substance abuse, a disconnections from ones self and humanity, self infliction of wounds, etc.

So its not a heavy case of DID but the fact that he hears phantom voices in his head would be enough for him to be diagnosed with the ilness.

Now I only intended for him to just hear voice and communicate with them in his head. The DID is meant to be more of an enhancment of his sociopathic tendancies or APD (Antisocial personality disorder). Becasue people who have APD do not hear voices, if they do they probably also have DID, I had to give Sanzoku something another disease to explain why he was hearing and responding to phantom voices.

So the lack of heavy DID symptoms is a choice I made for my character. I hope that makes sense and if you still feel like there is an issue I will be happy to re-work some things to oblige.
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Roy Tmofl
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« Reply #16 on: August 11, 2013, 04:48:11 AM »

Yes, that is definitely enough. Thank you very much.
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Sanzoku
Eye of the Black Flame
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Elf, Ifer'hm


« Reply #17 on: August 13, 2013, 08:32:11 PM »

Ok all requested changes have been made. :)
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Alr (Rayne)
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« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2013, 10:22:14 AM »

Thank you, Sanzoku, for being so patient!

This looks good to me. I like the inclusion of the brother--especially an older brother in whom your character can see, to some degree, the path he will follow and one whom lies somewhat outside the political web in which your character is placed. I like that you make the voices a stronger, that they increase in their influence over the course of his life.

The grammar and spelling mistakes are pretty much all emended. Just remember that quotes and the way they're conveyed are separated by a comma: "Alas! I shall never be a real girl," she exclaimed.

Regardless, what you have done is enough to garner my approval.  :)  Congratulations, and thank you again for your patience.

 heart  ~First Approval~  heart
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Coren
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« Reply #19 on: August 17, 2013, 04:06:25 AM »

Just a quick post to let you know that I've read and enjoyed this CD. :)
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Sanzoku
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Elf, Ifer'hm


« Reply #20 on: August 17, 2013, 07:56:24 AM »

:) Thanks Coren, I appreciate  the compliment.
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #21 on: August 18, 2013, 09:28:56 AM »

Hello, Sanzoku.  An interesting CD you have created here.  I have a few minor quibbles, and then I'm quite sure you will be ready for approval.

Quote
Personality: Sanzoku is a quite individual.
  quite should be quiet.

Quote
Sanzoku stared at the mages for what seemed to him lke an enternity. Finally one mage stood and revealed a matching tattoo. My name is Mhcr'mn are you really my brother? The two spent the remainder of the festival laughing and learning all they could about each other. Sanzoku told Mhcr'mn of his assassination training and Mhcr'mn spoke of the Cr'll and of Xeu and Ecu and other things that confused Sanzoku.
So you break the Ecu which links to the Ahms of the element? Sanzoku asked with a look that showed how lost he really was.
Mhcr'mn laughed and said Not really, thats ok dont worry about it. Mhcr'mn looked up and smiled. Im glad we met, when can we meet again?
Sanzoku followed his brothers gaze into the heavens. The sun had set and the dancing embers of the other mages drifted wistfully into the sky at they slowly died. Not for 150 years.
The two brothers said nothing, they both felt the regret the other had. There was something special between the two and they both loathed the thought of losing it so soon. Music played in the background as the two brothers hugged good bye. The last thing Sanzoku saw was the dark silhouette of his brother as he conjured two fire balls that shot up into the midnight sky.
The Sanzoku embraced the darkness as he sped through the forest on his way back home. He had experienced true happiness, it was something that he wanted more than anything. I have to get stronger, If I die, if I die I can never see my brother again. Sanzokus face grew more intense. Dont worry brother, I will be back and Coor destroy any who stand in my way.
You have broken up all your paragraphs quite nicely, but for some reason these few are all unspaced.  Edit: There are couple more further down as well.


Quote
Weapons: Two short swords resembling a Gladius
Since we don't have Gladius in Santh, can we either find a suitable sword or maybe just keep them a generic short sword?  Perhaps a Helcrani Shortsword which does indeed resemble a gladius?

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Sanzoku
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Elf, Ifer'hm


« Reply #22 on: August 18, 2013, 12:39:48 PM »

Ok changes made.

Yeah some of my entries were done in Microsoft word and when I copied and pasted, even though they were spaced, it removed the spacing when formating in the edit field. I thought I had gotten them all but obviously missed quite a few :P.

And as far as the gladius, I was just using that word to describe the sword's apperance. And thought that by using a real world item would help players who may not know Santh weapons picture it. Having that broad to narrow shape actually increases the swords chopping power. The force of a downward swing increases due to the way the force is directed through the blades shape. So thats why I didn't just call it a short sword. But I have Santh-ed it up and hopfully am good to go. :)
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Seh'nara Celebrindal
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« Reply #23 on: August 19, 2013, 12:11:07 AM »

Second approval. You're good to go. ^_^ I'm sorry it took so long but titled and archived.
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