Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3

Thorgas Ironforge

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Posts: 80

Re: Hand of Death, Fire Magic, Level 6

« Reply #30 on: 17 September 2006, 15:18:21 »

Spell updated. Sorry for the delay.


	Logged

Mina

Moderator

Gained Aura: 42
Offline

Offline

Posts: 2.691

Re: Hand of Death, Fire Magic, Level 6

« Reply #31 on: 17 September 2006, 18:11:22 »

Lots of plum in there, but don't worry, a lot of it have to do with the language. I think you're nearly there.

Name: Hand of Death
School: Fire Magic
Level: 6 I think you could actually achieve this earlier, since it's Sphere I. You might need to adjust things like the range a little though, since lower-level magi probably need to be much closer to the target. This might make it much less useful for lower-level magi too, but they should still be able to do it, I think.

Overview: A wicked spell for both necromancers and fire sorcerers alike, hand of death You should capitalise this. causes the heart of the target to stop beating, as if the target's heart is being gripped by an invisible hand. This spell paralyzes the heart of the target, preventing the distribution and circulation of one of the most vital part of the body This sounds a little awkward, though I'm not sure why. , the blood.

Spell Effect: The spell basically, by intense concentration, weakens the influence of the fire Fire ounia in the victim, particularly the area around the chest, as that is the part nearest the heart. With the weakening of the fire ounia, the influence of animation is severely crippled, causing the heart to stop beating and eventually lead leading to the death of the target. Other effects include fainting, seizures, and stopping of breath. It might be better to put these effects before death. "Loss of consciousness" also sounds, well, nicer than "fainting".

Casting Procedure: Ashes Ash, I think. is to be rubbed on both hands for increased concentration. Well, I don't know about the ash helping with concentration. The act of using rubbing the ash onto the hands might be an aid to concentration, however. Also, note that reagents are never needed, in theory. They are just really helpful. After the preparation, the mage will need Avoid mentioning the "need" to do anything. All these actions might greatly aid in the casting of the spell, but such things are never actually needed. Well, in theory anyway, like I said. to look at the target and grip an imaginary heart, as if he is actually squeezing the real one. It may take from a few seconds to a few blinks for the spell to be completed. After the activation of the spell, the caster needs to keep the spell up for up to a few minutes for the purpose of keeping the blood from resuming it's course. Towards the completion of the spell, the mage needs only to gloat over his enemy as he die dies ever so slowly. Gee, this part sounds really evil.

Magical Formula: To be added.

Target: A living, sentient being. I see no need for it to be sentient. Couldn't it work just as well on animals? Well, those that have a heart anyway.

Reagents: Ashes ash is to be No need for "to be". rubbed on both hands. Higher level magi doesn't don't need it.

Magical School: Fire Magic School.

Spell Class: Physical Representation of sphere I Sphere I

Range: Magi of all levels need to see the target in a very detailed view in order to cast this spell, as it requires seeing the target, specially the area around the heart. This sentence is awkward too. What does "see the target in a very detailed view" mean? Perhaps you meant that they need to be able to see the target clearly? Also, "requires seeing the target" seems to be unnecessary repetition.

Casting Time: The spell will take effect after a few minutes for magi who have just learned the spell. Archmagi, however, will only require a few seconds blinks to grip his Either use "an Archmage" or "their". "Archmagi" is plural. target's heart. After the casting time is completed, the caster needs only to wait until the victim dies. Sphere I spells have to be maintained or their effects will end. They also have no casting time per se, but it might take a while before the effects become apparent.

Duration: Duration varies according to the power of the caster. It may take from a few minutes for novices to a few blinks for experienced sorcerers. Sphere I spells don't really have a duration, due to what I mentioned above. However, you might want to note here that the target should be dead after a few minutes, so there shouldn't be any need to maintain the spell for longer than that anyway.

Counter Measures/ Enhancing Measures:
Counter: The caster can be distracted or injured, causing them to lose concentration. Hiding from the line of sight of the caster helps too. The most effective, however, is blinding the caster. Fire magi can do this by causing a very bright flash to achieve the desired results.
Enhancing: If the target's body is already weakened or is suffering from a disease, the caster will have an easy "Easier", I think. time hastening the death of the target.


	Logged

~~ Development Schedule & Notes • Santharian Timeline Draft ~~

Thorgas Ironforge

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Posts: 80

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 6

« Reply #32 on: 19 September 2006, 18:33:55 »

Quote

Gee, this part sounds really evil.


	Logged

Thorgas Ironforge

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Posts: 80

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3

« Reply #33 on: 30 September 2006, 15:57:30 »

Changed Hand of Death to Grip of the Malefic. Comments are welcome.


	Logged

Mina

Moderator

Gained Aura: 42
Offline

Offline

Posts: 2.691

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3

« Reply #34 on: 09 October 2006, 00:16:47 »

Only a couple of issues here too. I'm not approving this one just yet though, as the issues here are slightly more severe. Still, you're almost there.

1. The name and quote. Well, the name might be okay, actually, just a little unusual. As for the quote, well, see what I wrote in the other thread.

2. "preventing the distribution and circulation of one of the most vital part of the body, the blood" I think the problem here, the reason it sounds odd, might be that blood is not usually called a 'part' of the body. I'm not sure there's any way to correct this other than removing that phrase, or using a different sentence.

3. The range sounds a little too great. I think level 3 Sphere I spells should have much shorter initial ranges. For similar spells at level 2, I've usually required physical contact. Perhaps this could have an initial range of about 1-2 peds?

4. The duration. I don't think it makes sense for higher level magi to require less time, since they aren't directly killing that target. What they're doing is to keep the heart from beating until their victim dies, a process which should take a couple of minutes, if I'm not mistaken. Higher level magi should be able to maintain the spell for the required duration more easily, but not kill the target more quickly.


	Logged

~~ Development Schedule & Notes • Santharian Timeline Draft ~~

Thorgas Ironforge

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Posts: 80

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3

« Reply #35 on: 15 November 2006, 09:26:42 »

Edits done. Sorry for the delay, Mina. School just got in the way. Oh, the quote is a personal comment from the caster (i.e. Thorgas).


	Logged

Mina

Moderator

Gained Aura: 42
Offline

Offline

Posts: 2.691

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3

« Reply #36 on: 29 November 2006, 20:56:02 »

*blinks*
It seems I took quite a while to notice this too.

Quote

Reagents: Ash is rubbed on both hands. Higher level magi don't After the recent controversy over the use of contractions, I think it might be better if you just use "do not" here. need it.

Quote

Distance gradually increases as the magi mage increases in level.

Quote

Starters will have a difficult time in focusing the spell, and once started will have to keep it up for a few seconds to achieve the death of the target Doesn't this contracdict what was said in the previous section, that it needs a few minutes to take effect and a few more munites until the target actually dies? , while higher level magi will have an easy time in concentrating for the spell to work.

The quote still looks somewhat out of place to me. :/


	Logged

~~ Development Schedule & Notes • Santharian Timeline Draft ~~

colossuem

Newbie

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Posts: 138

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3 (some minor edits needed)

« Reply #37 on: 01 December 2006, 15:50:14 »

When you say the target dies slowly, if his heart is stopped, wouldn't it be fast?


	Logged

Lord of the Rings Quote-"All that is gold does not glitter,not all who wander are lost,the old that is strong does not wither,deep roots are not reached by frost,from the ashes of fire shall be woken,a light from the shadows shall spring,the crownless again shall be king"

Miraran Tehuriden

Santh. Member

Gained Aura: 59
Offline

Offline

Gender: Male

Posts: 3.998

Creator Of .. well, not much, recently

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3 (some minor edits needed)

« Reply #38 on: 01 December 2006, 17:29:01 »

it takes a while for the body to run out of oxigen (as heart failure is basically a drastic way of suffocating)


	Logged

Avrah Kehabhra

"The whole POINT of Nybelmar is that no one has any idea whats going on, overly long entries keep it that way." - Decipher Ziron

colossuem

Newbie

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Posts: 138

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3 (some minor edits needed)

« Reply #39 on: 02 December 2006, 19:32:11 »

Ah, I see. By the way you spelled oxygen wrong.


	Logged

Thorgas Ironforge

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Posts: 80

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3 (some minor edits needed)

« Reply #40 on: 06 December 2006, 16:04:13 »

It's been a long time since I visited this thread. School just got in the way.
Edits done. Oh, Mina I don't understand what you're trying to point out on the third comment you gave me. Can you clarify it?


	Logged

Mina

Moderator

Gained Aura: 42
Offline

Offline

Posts: 2.691

Re: Grip of the Malefic, Fire Magic, Level 3 (some minor edits needed)

« Reply #41 on: 06 December 2006, 16:17:40 »

Quote

The spell will take effect after a few minutes for magi who have just learned the spell. [...] After the casting time is completed, the caster needs to keep the spell up for a few minutes.

Quote

Starters will have a difficult time in focusing the spell, and once started will have to keep it up for a few seconds to achieve the death of the target,

I've underlined the contradicting parts in the two quotes.