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M´ruk Loshashzuck
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« on: 17 May 2010, 04:51:21 »

Overview
Yerun the Ereshian was a Ximaxian researcher of Erpheronian descent, who spent most of his life with rats. His single crowning achievement was befriending a pack of Ximax rats, which led him to write many essays on them and helped us to understand much more about these creatures. He befriended the pack in his youth, and throughout his life he researched them obsessively. Yerun was born in 1550 a.S. and died at the age of 50 in 1601 a.S., killed by his own rats, who passed a fatal disease onto him, making his death both tragic and ironic.


Appearance
Yerun's appearance was that of a madman. His nor'sidian hair was always tangled and rarely washed, and his charcoal eyes were always wide. Yerun was short and very skinny – so much so that people who saw him from the back sometimes mistook him for a child. As soon as Yerun would turn around, however, his potato-sized nose and massive hands betrayed his age, as did his omnipresent stubble, which also gave him an unclean look.


Personality
Yerun the Ereshian was a very reclusive man. He preferred the company of rats to people and hated exterminators ,although he made an exception for Erron Ratdweller, the famous inventor of rat poison, because he admired Erron’s research into rat behaviour so much that he managed to ignore the countless rats that had died at the hand of his illustrious predecessor, because `erron turned from his cruel ways and became a dedicated himself to finding out more about the rats. Yerun was inspired by this man, and much of his work has its base in Errron's. This compendiumist was a bit strange, even calling himself 'the Ereshian' because that was a sort of 'rat sneeze' that his Ximax rats made. However, he abhorred cruelty to both men and animals, and was very serious during every waking hour he was not drunk. Yerun was very determined in everything he did, and tried to find out as much as possible about any given situation before doing anything. As for temper, Yerun was very patient, but in the rare times that he got angry, he went crazy, lashing out at everything in sight and screaming nonsense. His constant state of drunkenness didn't help his personality either, and eventually led to his irascibility having greater and greater influence over his life. Despite this, he had a few friends in the compendium, and rarely got angry.


Biography
1578 a.S.- Abandoned. Born to a simple farmer and his wife on the outskirts of Ximax, Yerun was abandoned on the steps of the Ximax Academy's library tower at birth, as his parents already had ten children and couldn't afford to feed another mouth. A librarian took him in as her own, but he had no friends, preferring to spend his time with the multitude of Ximax rats that inhabited the streets. He had no name at that point, so the librarian decided to call him Erron. This led him later in life to have Erron Ratdweller as his idol. His idea to write about the rats and research them stemmed from Erron's own work, and many parts of his essays are structured in the same way as Erron's.

1587 a.S.- Rat-friend. Yerun used to feed all the rats he could find, sometimes even going hungry to give them food. Such was his devotion, and the rats realised this, helping him to ward off bullies with their sharp teeth. After making friends with the pack of rats, Yerun started to want to write down his findings about their peculiar behaviours, just like his idol and role-model, Erron Ratdweller, of whom his guardian had told him much. He pestered the librarian until he agreed to teach him to read and write, and soon started writing down all he knew about the rats on stolen parchment and quills.

1589 a.S.- 'Odd Behaviours of the Ximax rat'. Yerun finished his first essay, 'Odd Behaviours of the Ximax rat', which he presented to the librarian, who immediately brought it to the nearest Compendiumist. This essay contained a plethora of information on the Ximax rats' behaviours towards each other, towards humans, and towards other rats. It was a great insight into the mentality of not only the rats themselves, but Yerun as well. When the Compendiumist read it, although very impressed he remarked that while the essay was very informative, Yerun had assumed that people knew many things about the rats, which they obviously didn't. He told Yerun to write up another essay, this time about the rats in general. This essay, 'On Ximax Rats', took him 30 years to finish, and ended up about 1,000 pages long.

1593 a.S.- Compendiumist. Yerun gave a first draft to the compendiumist, who offered to take Yerun with him on his travels. Yerun happily agreed, and became a well-known, though not well-respected, compendiumist and researcher. In order to disassociate himself from Erron Ratdweller, he changed his name to Yerun. 'The Ereshian' was a made up title, stemming from a particular noise that the Ximax rats make. Yerun found that this sound was used to call to other rats, and so tried to imitate it to attract rats to research. Yerun traveled all across Santharia during these years, finding out everything he could to do with rats: He branched out into finding out about things that eat rats and even into things that share a habitat with rats, such as rat brownies. About ten of his essays were published in these subjects, the most famous being "On Ximax rats' Predators" and "A surprising abundance of life: The habitat of Ximax rats"

1593-1620 a.S.- 'On Ximax Rats'. Yerun slaved over his essay, producing several smaller ones in the process, until one day he finished it. He threw a huge party before giving it in, which he invited many famous compendiumists and rat researchers to, and went down in the (fairly exclusive) history of bestiary compendiumists of that era as one of the wildest parties ever. After 'On Ximax Rats' was submitted,[/color] Yerun continued working on essays on his rats, and was quite happy in the rat-infested house in which he lived. 'On Ximax Rats' contained the most comprehensive research and analysis of Ximax rats ever published. Not only did it include an abundance of painstakingly researched and written information, it also contained stories of the tricks Yerun used to gather it and many others.

1525 a.S.- Rabid Researcher. Yerun caught rabies from an old rat in his pack. He went mad, and was looked after by the elderly librarian for three years, During this period he produced some of his most fascinating writings, such as an essay on how to communicate with rats and a sort of 'rat dictionary'.

1629 a.S.- An Ironic Death. Yerun died after three years cooped up in his room, heirless and with a brain that had given up on him. His life may have gone, but his invaluable work on Ximax rats remains.

Importance
Yerun the Ereshian was a dedicated, if a little odd, researcher and compendiumist. His inspirational persistence in finding out about Ximax rats is invaluable, and continues to aid many people today, including those researchers and compendiumists studying rats and Zohologists trying to keep them. In fact, ironically, it also helps rat exterminators and pest control to lure out and kill his beloved rats. Altogether, his influence in these small and exclusive areas was great and he will be remembered for his thoroughness and painstaking research.
« Last Edit: 26 June 2010, 21:51:28 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged

Deklitch Hardin
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« Reply #1 on: 17 May 2010, 15:59:15 »

What a shame that you give us neither an appearance or a personality ... either of those (particularly the appearance) would help an artist who might like to do a picture of this interesting individual. I know they are 'optional' but it might be nice to put at least one of them in, anyway.

Also, you seem to have left a bit of the original template in the Overview section.
« Last Edit: 17 May 2010, 16:54:05 by Deklitch Hardin » Logged

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Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
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« Reply #2 on: 17 May 2010, 20:25:19 »

Hi M’ruk,

You’ve made a good start, but at the moment I feel your entry is a sketch, an outline, where it would be nice to see a painting. I agree with Dek that Personality and Appearance sections would add some colour to your portrait of Yerun, but more details in the biography wouldn’t go amiss, either. To explain my sketch-painting metaphor a bit more: I think your entry at the moment looks a bit like Jonael’s first approach at his self-portrait. It’s well done, and not much is wrong with it, but something’s missing. Your writing tells us a little bit about Yerun, but somehow it’s not enough to give him a ‘face’, if you know what I mean. You’ve got some really good opportunities, because Yerun has researched such fascinating animals. Make something of it!

It might help to read some examples of what I think are really good entries of researchers:

Waudrin Ghortz comes to mind, as does Erron Ratdweller. The latter, like Yerun, has researched rats, and like Yerun, his demise was brought about by the subjects of his fascination, albeit in a different way. (And it wouldn’t do harm to include a reference to Erron in your entry. Even the names are similar – maybe you could do something with that? People might have confused the two, or Yerun, as an orphan, might have changed his original name and initially had intended to become an exterminator like Erron …?)

It’s not necessarily length I’m looking for, but the sort of assemblage of details that together conjure up a rounded, colourful picture. Reve’lor would be a good example of a short but evocative Person entry.

A few questions and suggestions, hoping they may poke your imagination and get it running:

Why is Yerun called “the Ereshian”?

Is he human? Which tribe?

How did he first befriend rats? He saved a rat’s life? A rat stole a piece of bread from him, he caught the thief, but then spared her/him/it? Little Yerun was afraid of a dog that liked to bark at him, but the rats bullied the dog off? Tell us a story! Explain how Yerun discovered how intelligent Ximax rats are! Feel free to make stuff up!

In general, be more specific. You say that Yerun pestered ‘a local librarian’ to teach him to write. You say that he went to ‘the nearest compendiumist’. Who was the librarian? Which library was he working in? Who was the compendiumist? Why did these older people decide to work with Yerun? Do some research, M’ruk – maybe you can find existing people and entries to link your stories into. If not, make up personality traits for Yerun that would allow him to win over his mentors, or make up outrageous coincidences.

Did Yerun really research only rats all his life? Nothing else? And only Ximax rats? Why not give him a less monomanic interest? He might have branched out into other types of rats, into things that eat rats, into things that rats eat, things that share a habitat with rats (rat brownies?).

Quote
He threw a huge party before giving it in.
I feel that’s the sort of detail that leaves the reader unsatisfied. Why do we need to know about the party? You only write three sentences about the years from 1565 to 1592 (27 years!), but bother to mention a party? Tell us something more interesting! (Or tell us why the party was important.)

You mention a “local orphanage” and a “local asylum”. I’m not sure that Ximax has either. Both concepts sound a bit Victorian/Dickensian to me, if I’m honest. They're not very Santharian, I think (although I might be wrong). Again, I’m thinking that instead of such unspecific references you could grab the opportunity to tell us an interesting story. Maybe Yerun was left on the steps of a Ximaxian library? Or a temple? (Maybe it was that literate librarian who actually took Yerun in as a foster son?) Similarly, why choose an ‘asylum’? I know of a German poet (named Hölderin) who spent the last thirty years of his life living alone in a tower, fed and clothed and looked after by a kind family. During this time, he wrote a flood of poems of baffling beauty that he signed with the name Scardanelli, because he was under the delusion that he lived in a different place and time, and that he had a different name, than the really did. You know, Yerun could have been living with any kind or unkind soul in his last years. He could have produced muddled but fascinating writings. Gee, he could even have produced his best work in his mad period, having lost, along with his marbles, a fear of failure that had previously prevented him from ever finishing any major piece of writing …

All right, I’ll stop raving now. I guess what I’m saying is: dare to be extraordinary and outrageous. I hope my pointers are helpful!

Shabakuk :)
« Last Edit: 17 May 2010, 21:07:57 by Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang » Logged

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« Reply #3 on: 18 May 2010, 00:57:19 »

Oops, sorry. I meant to put up the work in progress posticon.
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« Reply #4 on: 18 May 2010, 05:39:47 »

Quote
Waudrin Ghortz comes to mind, as does Erron Ratdweller. The latter, like Yerun, has researched rats, and like Yerun, his demise was brought about by the subjects of his fascination, albeit in a different way. (And it wouldn’t do harm to include a reference to Erron in your entry. Even the names are similar – maybe you could do something with that? People might have confused the two, or Yerun, as an orphan, might have changed his original name and initially had intended to become an exterminator like Erron …?)

I second this.  thumbup
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« Reply #5 on: 04 June 2010, 22:47:14 »

Ok, this should be ready for comments now.
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Agran Velion
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« Reply #6 on: 04 June 2010, 23:53:31 »

Well either your very good, or I'm very bad, my uri check has found very little wrong with this.

Overview
Yerun the Ereshian was a Ximaxian researcher of Erpheronian descent, who spent most of his life with rats. His single crowning achievement is befriending a pack of Ximax rats, which led him to write many essays on them and helped us to understand much more about these creatures. He was born in 1550 a.S. and died at the age of 50 in 1601 a.S., killed by his own rats, who passed a fatal disease onto him, making his death both tragic and ironic. He befriended the pack in his youth, and throughout his life he researched them obsessively. I suggest redoing this sentence, or place it at the beginning, when its at the end its just a repetition of what you wrote above.


Appearance
Yerun's appearance was that of a madman. His nor'sidian hair was always tangled and rarely washed, and his charcoal eyes were always wide. Yerun was very short and very skinny, so much so that he looked like a young child all the way up to his death. Two of his most prominent characteristics were his huge nose and massive hands, and Yerun's omnipresent stubble gave him an unclean look.

Okay not bad, but you need to make the appearance a lot longer. Look at big entries to see examples on how to make this bigger. On the Tei’Hai revision I’m working on, I focused on one part of the demon’s body, and described as much as possible about it. For his head, you tell about his hair, how sunk in his eyes were, his rotten teeth, scratches from the rats, etc. Hands could have nails that were like claws, his clothes could hang off of him, etc.


Personality
Yerun the Ereshian was a very reclusive man. He preferred the company of rats to people and hated exterminators (well, except for Erron Ratdweller, exterminator turned researcher). He abhorred cruelty to both men and animals, and was very serious during every waking hour he was not drunk. Yerun was very determined in everything he did, and considered all courses of action before doing anything. As for temper, Yerun was very patient but once he was angry, he went crazy, lashing out at everything in sight and creaming nonsense. Despite this, he had many friends in the compendium, and rarely got angry. So for being a very reclusive man, he had many friends?


Biography
1578- Abandoned. Born to a simple farmer and his wife on the outskirts of Ximax, Yerun was abandoned on the steps of the Ximax library at birth, as his parents already had 10 children and couldn't afford to feed another mouth. A librarian took him in as her own, but he had no friends, preferring to spend his time with the multitude of Ximax rats that inhabited the streets. He had no name at that point, so the librarian decided to call him Erron. This led him later in life to have Erron Ratdweller as his idol.

1587- Rat-friend. Yerun used to feed all the rats he could find, sometimes even going hungry to give them food. Such was his devotion, and the rats realised this, helping him to ward off bullies with their sharp teeth. After making friends with the pack of rats, Yerun started to want to write down his findings about their peculiar behaviours. He pestered the librarian until he agreed to teach him to read and write, and soon started writing down all he knew about the rats on stolen parchment and quills.

1589- 'Odd Behaviours of the Ximax rat'. Yerun finished his first essay, 'Odd Behaviours of the Ximax rat', which he presented to the librarian, who immediately brought it to the nearest Compendiumist, who remarked that while the essay was very informative, he had assumed that people knew many things about the rats, which they obviously didn't. He told Yerun to write up another essay, this time about the rats in general. This essay, 'On Ximax Rats', took him 30 years to finish, and ended up about 1,000 pages long.

1593- Compendiumist. Yerun gave a first draft to the compendiumist, who offered to take Yerun with him on his travels. Yerun happily agreed, and became a well-known, though not well-respected, compendiumist and researcher. In order to disassociate himself from Erron Ratdweller, he changed his name to Yerun. 'The Ereshian' was a made up title, stemming from a particular noise that the Ximax rats make. Yerun found that this sound was used to call to other rats, and so tried to imitate it to attract rats to research. Yerun travelled all across Santharia during these years, finding out everything he could to do with rats: He branched out into some other types of rats, into things that eat rats, into things that rats eat, and even into things that share a habitat with rats, such as rat brownies.

1593-1620- 'On Ximax Rats'. Yerun slaved over his essay, producing several smaller ones in the process, until one day he finished it. He threw a huge party before giving it in, which he invited many famous compendiumists and rat researchers to, including Waudrin Ghortz, with whom he had made great friends. He continued working on essays on his rats, though, and was quite happy in the rat-infested house in which he lived.

1525- Rabid Researcher. Yerun caught rabies from an old rat in his pack. He went mad, and was looked after by the elderly librarian for three years, During this period he produced some of his most fascinating writings, such as an essay on how to communicate with rats and a sort of 'rat dictionary'. Does Santharia have rabies? I thought it was an unknown (unknown, not uncommon) disease in Medieval times.

1629- An Ironic Death. Yerun died after three years cooped up in his room, heirless and brain-dead. His life may have gone, but his invaluable work on Ximax rats remains.

Importance
Yerun the Ereshian was a dedicated, if a little odd, researcher and Compendiumist. His inspirational persistence in finding out about Ximax rats is invaluable, and continues to aid many people today.


Okay on the whole not bad, but you need to add more meat to the bone on this one. Appearance, Personality, and even importance could be made longer.
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M´ruk Loshashzuck
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« Reply #7 on: 05 June 2010, 00:23:37 »

Thanks Agran. You're not very bad, so.... Anyway, I have a few things to say about your comments.

1. The phrase is meant to be so much so, not so much.

2. The thing about the Tei’Hai is that it's a demon, whereas Yerun is a human. With the demon you have to explain pretty much all the features, because there is no standard 'demon template'. With Yerun, I only have to explain some of his features because it is implicit that by leaving them out, they are normal. Most features of a human can be taken for granted.

3. What I mean by reclusive is that he didn't talk much, he didn't leave his library room much, and he almost never stopped working and researching. He had many friends at the compendium, but he rarely did anything with them.

4. I think Santharia has rabies, but I'm not sure. Even if people didn't know what rabies was in the middle ages, that doesn't mean it didn't exist.


Thanks for the comments Agran, I'll get editing ASAP.
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M´ruk Loshashzuck
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« Reply #8 on: 05 June 2010, 01:28:22 »

And... There. Should be ready for comments again.
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M´ruk Loshashzuck
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« Reply #9 on: 06 June 2010, 20:36:18 »

Sorry to bump again, but I'd like to finish this in time for the update if possible.
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« Reply #10 on: 07 June 2010, 13:29:38 »

When I did my people entry on the Kyrattin Researcher, I was advised by Arti to put a.S. or b.S. after the dates in the history section so that people would know whether it was before or after Santhos. You should probably do the same thing here as well.

Dek

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« Reply #11 on: 08 June 2010, 01:16:21 »

Ok, done.
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« Reply #12 on: 08 June 2010, 01:40:57 »

I still feel that many of Shaba's original comments need to be heeded. The entry is a good start, but after reading it, I don't understand what made Yerun unique and worthy of mention in the Compendium. I also feel that mentioning Waudrin Ghortz and Erron were more like throwaways rather than integrating them. Did Yerun learn anything from Erron's work? And what does a demonologist like Waudrin doing with a rat researcher? What new information did Yerun discover about Ximaxian rats that are not already known?
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« Reply #13 on: 08 June 2010, 02:35:06 »

Thanks for the comments azzy. I'll get to it soon, but I have a whole week of exams ahead of me :(
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« Reply #14 on: 09 June 2010, 02:28:45 »

How's that?
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