Moon shark (Phantom shark)

Drasil Razorfang

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Re: Moon shark (Phantom shark)

« Reply #15 on: 22 August 2010, 01:58:07 »

I don't think it would be a problem. You'd probably submit it in the Library. It'd be a useful reference that future developers of the area could draw from. thumbup

for your creativity from me.


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Tikanni Corazon

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Re: Moon shark (Phantom shark)

« Reply #16 on: 22 August 2010, 22:12:02 »

@Drazil - Thanks! Now I can actually get stuck into it properly. I have already started, but it's just very small bits'n'bobs, as I didn't want to put in huge amounts of work if I thought it might be for nothing. Though it will take me quite a while I would imagine.

I'm going to mark this ready for comments now. I have tried to put a little more fantasy based description into it rather than just the scientific stuff, but to be honest, I'm really not very good at integrating it into the text without it sounding out of place. I'm far better at using stories and such to create images of how my creations look or behave. So there may not be enough, and I hope that's not too disappointing. I've gotten rid of some of the scientific words though, including the oviparous (which to be honest I was within two minds as to whether I should put it in anyway, when I wrote the original draft), and I think I managed to change all of the 'experiments' too (though let me know if I've missed any). I've also added some extra stuff that has come to me as I've gone over it, including a new Tenrans journal entry.

Thanks for all of the comments that I have recieved already, and I hope that the changes so far are to everyones satisfaction, though ideas to make it better are always welcome.


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seth ghibta

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Re: Moon shark (Phantom shark)

« Reply #17 on: 31 August 2010, 15:19:41 »

Can't beleive it's taken me so long to get round to looking poperly at this - it's brilliant. the picture in particular makes me extremely jealous - you've a real command over colour and texture, it's beautiful.

as for the entry itself, i can't really find anything to comment on, except (and i'm hating myself for saying this as i know i'm just as bad if not worse) look over your use of its and it's. the rule, i think, is to only use the ' if you would otherwise be saying "it is". i think. buck

i especially like how you described the dentricle scaly things the skin is made of - i couldn't have imagined how to start with that, but you make it feel perfectly beleivable and really easy to picture. well done - aura very much well deserved.


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Tikanni Corazon

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Re: Moon shark (Phantom shark)

« Reply #18 on: 31 August 2010, 18:35:31 »

Thanks very much for the compliment and the aura Seth!

I'll go over the entry later, looking for 'its' mistakes, and will likely find quite a few I would imagine. Definitely something I need to work on, along with my excessive use of commas.

Thanks again!


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Athviaro Shyu-eck-Silfayr

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Re: Moon shark (Phantom shark)

« Reply #19 on: 11 September 2010, 19:49:52 »

Aura, lovely picture and entry.

But could I just ask a few questions? Firstly, you explain very well how the sharks need not fear predators despite their hide, but surely they will run into problems trying to sneak up on prey? To take a Terran example, the Great White is not pale bellied and dark backed to help it avoid predators, it is to stop prey from noticing it.

And I realised how ominous some of the measures can sound "all from barely a sip of blood" - very spooky.

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with good punctuation. I don't think you use too many commas (although that could just be me), as I was saying to Azzy I think that sentences sometimes go by a bit fast without them.

Anyway, all from me.

Ath


« Last Edit: 11 September 2010, 19:51:42 by Athviaro Shyu-eck-Silfayr »	Logged

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Tikanni Corazon

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Re: Moon shark (Phantom shark)

« Reply #20 on: 12 September 2010, 02:35:55 »

Thankyou Ath!

The shark relies more on speed than stealth to catch it's prey, though I suppose I could put more about that in the entry. Your comments have also given me an idea for an addition to one of the journal entries, just a small one mind you, but a good thing all the same. So thankyou twice. grin


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Artimidor Federkiel

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Re: Moon shark (Phantom shark)

« Reply #21 on: 09 October 2010, 12:58:37 »

I guess we can also put this entry up - it's pretty complete and there haven't been any further comments for some weeks.

On the picture: This one also perhaps could be digitially enhanced, e.g. as far as the lighting goes under the water, there's much one can do with Photoshop. So I wait with that one for now - we'd need a larger source however to see how we could tackle this one.


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Tikanni Corazon

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Re: Moon shark (Phantom shark)

« Reply #22 on: 21 October 2010, 01:27:40 »

Thanks Arti!

Sorry, only just saw that this had been put through. Been a little busy recently, but I'll put the pic up in the artist's workshop in the next couple of days.

Been planning a few new editions to the flora and fauna too, so hopefully have those up at some point in the near future as well.

Thanks again!


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Moon shark (Phantom shark)