The Ronotheyan Dragon

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[Perab- The Elementalist]

Changes I will mark with this teal color.

The Ronotheyan Dragon

Overview:

On highest parts of Ronoth flies the creature of shadow. Making itself a home between the Carabery tree and hunting the smaller and weaker creatures in the forest, it counts as the most dangerous creatures of Ronoth. The great kings used to hunt these creatures to prove their strength to the people, bringing them a blue orb as proof. The orbs are located on the heads of 200 year old Ronotheyan Dragons.

Appearance:

The Ronotheyan Dragon is a creature with a serpent body and insect wings. It has four legs which it uses to hunt, more specifically for grabbing it's victims. Really, it hasn't much to do with a dragon, but it is just called so by the Ronotheyan. The Ronotheyan Dragon can grow up to 2 peds, it wings are transparent and large. They have a slim body which is covered with scales. The scales are harder then iron, people use them to create armors. They like shadowed and cold wet areas. They can live 400 years. They aren't able to fly high, they are keeping themselves in a height of 8 peds. They are very fast, in the forest practically invisible. The orb on their head is a symbol of the age of a Ronotheyan Dragon. The orb is a fore high and 1 palmspan and 5 Nailsbreadth wide. The tiny Dragons that have less then 50 years have a transparent orb like a glass or a crystal egg. After they reach 50 years their orb starts to change the color but only a little bit. It gets a light blue color but it isn't much visible. 150 years the orb starts to change it's color in a very strong blue color, but it will completely change into blue when the Ronotheyan Dragon reaches 200 years. This is the best orb until  the Ronothyan Dragon reaches 400 years and the orb changes into a shiny red color which is very rare.

Some Roniotheyan Dragons left the Forest of Ronoth a long time ago. They settled far away from the forest on many places. During the time many types of the Dragon were created, the Ronotheyan Dragon is one of them, but the only original. Here are some specimens:

The Silver Dragon - Made it homes on the high mountains of Caelereth, it's habbit to live on the high mountains changes the color, the growth (now it is smaller) and the wings (small useless wings). It has got 2 new legs which help it to climb the mountains up. Also it has got a thicker and denser scale to survive the cold mountains. It is very tame and fearful. It eats only smaller creatures, like snakes and bugs.

 The Shade Dragon - Is preferring to live underground, the caves are it homes. This type changed much, but still it has the aggression of the original dragon, It is a little bit smaller, and it is colored black, it has got a sensible hearing and lost it's sight. It eats what it finds.

 The Air Dancer - Is a small but tricky, it prefers to live in smaller forests with a warm clime, it has got 4 wings and lost all legs, it can fly very fast and very long. It looks like a serpent now with wings. it eats only bugs.


Special Ability:

The special ability or the Ronotheyan Dragon is it's speed and it's silence, the victim doesn't know that the Dragon is above him and it could just grab the victim noiseless with it's 4 legs.

It is said that dragons (not the Ronotheyan) are immune to magic, here is another reason why the title "Dragon" has been given to the Ronotheyan Dragon. The orb on their head is able to absorb magic, but only once in the lifetime of the Dragon. The absorbed magic can be released by many ways. After a time the magic in the orb expires and the orb will be useless, also the orb losses its color. This can save the life of the Dragon.

Territory:

The Ronotheyan Dragon lives in Ronoth, but it expands it territory more to the north of Ronoth. Also it can be found on many other territories in a other form.

Diet:

The Ronotheyan Dragon eats only meat. Everything that this beast can kill,  that will be the lunch of this beast. The Dragon prefers moving targets and likes to hunt them.

Habit/Behavior:

The Ronotheyan Dragon is very wild and aggressive, even to its progeny. They like cold shadowed places near water. They are used to hunt, even if they aren't hungry. The progeny of the Ronotheyan Dragon spends three months in the nest, after the three months have passed they are just interlopers in that nest. Sometimes, the progeny exorcise their own parents from their nests. They are always fighting and never give up, they like it to be stubborn.

Mating:

The Ronotheyan Dragons have their own special season for this. When the feminine Dragon is ready, it will lie in the nest. The male Dragon will choose the perfect partner and get into the nest. Then the mating begins. After 22 hours the male Dragon will exit the nest, and bring as much food to the feminine Dragon for the next 3 months. After the young Dragons are born, the feminine Dragon will guard the nest as long as the male Dragon brings food.

Usage:

The scale of the Ronotheyan Dragon is harder then Iron, The people use them to create armors, boots and shields. Of course the orb of the Dragon is very valuable. It is used to decorate the royal tables of royal families, many royal families are looking for this orb it is a symbol of strength as the Ronotheyan said. The Ronotheyan used this orbs to create crowns of them, a golden crown with a Ronotheyan Dragon orb in the middle of the crown.

The orbs are also a great magic absorber, the Ronotheyan used them to make Staffs. The legend tells that this orbs were used as power source to power great technologies...

Researchers:

Researchers have found symbols on the skin of the Ronotheyan Dragons (under the scale), they are placed like a text but they have no meaning. The legend about the first Ronotheyan Dragon, the greatest one, called "Master Dragon", tells us about the death of it, that a young warrior has killed it and it's golden orb fall on the ground. But then the Master Dragon with last strength wrote a curse with it's blood on it's progeny, like symbols on their skin. The curse shall be the destruction of the warrior and everything what has to do with him.

[Bard Judith]

My dear Perab - please see my comment on The Ralleb!   http://www.santharia.com/dev/index.php/topic,14648.msg185795/topicseen.html#new

There are some lovely ideas here, but you may wish to focus on one entry at a time while you are getting started.   Many of my comments on the Ralleb apply here as well.

Regards from the Bard,
Judith

[Perab- The Elementalist]

Have made some changes, please comment and suggest

[Alexandre Scriabin]

On highest parts of Ronoth flies the creature of shadow. Making itself a home between the Carabery tree and hunting the smaller and weaker creatures in the forest, it counts as the most dangerous creatures of Ronoth. The great kings of the Ronotheyan were used to hunt this creatures to prove their strength to the people bringing them a blue orb which is the proof they need. This orb is located on the head of a 200 years old Dragon (Ronotheyan Dragon).

In the third and fourth sentences, you need to correct your grammar, by revising it into something like this, with reformed word choice and extra commas:

"The great kings used to hunt these creatures to prove their strength to the people, bringing them a blue orb as proof. The orbs are located on the heads of 200 year old Ronotheyan Dragons."

Notice that if you were just to work the expression in parentheses at the end of the fourth sentence, right into the sentence, that the flow of your writing would be improved.

The Ronotheyan Dragon is a creature with a serpent body and insect wings, it hasn't much to do with a dragon, it is just called so by the Ronotheyan. It has 4 legs which it use to hund or better said to grab it's victim.

More suggestions for correcting your grammar and improving your flow:

"The Ronotheyan Dragon is a creature with a serpent body and insect wings. It has four legs which it uses to hunt, more specifically for grabbing it's victims.

Really, it hasn't much to do with a dragon, but it is just called so by the Ronotheyans."

I took that middle sentence out and made it a standalone point because it had nothing to with the rest of the details around it. You will probably want to break up that block of text in your appearance section and use this same line of thought: each paragraph must have a topic that it's sentences fit in with.

If you do that, your appearance section will make a lot more sense, and I do hope you'll be more satisfied with your work as well.

That should be a decent amount to think about for now. Keep up the good work.

[Perab- The Elementalist]

Thank you very much for your help, I will correct this...

[Jonael Tomeskrift]

Heya Perab, Interesting creature you have here.

As Judy and Alexandre pointed out though, there is still a lot of work to be done on this in order to make it a proper creature worthy of its own entry. A lot of your sections still need a lot of fleshing out since they are too short, or just a little too blunt. Try weave a story into each section, something to lure the reader from one section into the next.

Now, my absence may be to blame for this, but dragons are usually off limits to most of us. Have you checked that you working on one is alright? If so, I'll let it rest.

I won't go into too much detail on the sections' content just yet, but once it's ready I'll gladly give you all the feedback and help you need.

As such, and this is probably the main reason why this flagged up with me (Mod OCD, haha), I'll change this thread back to 'work in progress' as it should be.

Keep up the enthusiasm and hard work though Perab,

Jonael

[Perab- The Elementalist]

Hello again, here I edited some things on the RD... well I hope you'll like it, every suggestion brings me near to approval, so use as many words as you can

Here a special thank to:

-First of all: Bard Judith

-Then: Alexandre Scriabin

-And also to: Jonael Tomeskrift

So have much fun by commenting this entry!!!!

[Valan Nonesuch]

My own comment is going to seem quite terrible I think, but it needs to be said.

First: Your creature physically resembles something we already have on Caelereth, the Dragonfly lizard, except in size and a few other minor differences.

Second: Your creature is admittedly problematic, and you don't seem to have taken the bard's earlier comments to heart, so let me re-iterate.

The Ronotheyan Dragon has four characteristics that we see with a lot of newbie entries.

1) It's rare

2) It is powerful and/or dangerous

3) Provides some special substance that is difficult to obtain

4) It doesn't fit well into the rest of the world.

So let's address where these characteristics show up.

1)

The Ronotheyan Dragon is endemic, it can only be found in the Inner Circle of the Forest of Ronoth

2)

It is said that dragons are immune to magic

The special ability or the Ronotheyan Dragon is it's speed and it's silence, the victim doesn't know that the Dragon is above him and it could just grab the victim noiseless with it's 4 legs.

The Ronotheyan Dragon is very wild and aggressive, even to its progeny.

They are used to hunt, even if they aren't hungry.

They are very fast, in the forest practically invisible.

3)

The scale of the Ronotheyan Dragon is harder then Iron, The people use them to create armors, boots and shields.

The orbs are also a great magic absorber, the Ronotheyan used them to make Staffs. The legend tells that this orbs were used as power source to power great technologies...

4) In your entry, nowhere is any other Santharian entry referenced. These are your monsters which live in the swamp/forest that you wrote, in the trees you wrote, which were hunted by your people. If I tried to connect this entry to anywhere else in the entire Dream, I would fail.

If this were approved as is, I could lift it clean out of the site and place it somewhere else and there would not be any ill effects. No holes, just as though I'd removed something that wasn't really attached, like pulling a piece of lint off of a sweater. That isn't what we want to have here. Entries should be interconnected, and interwoven. There are other dragons or monsters that could live in the forest. Is there a reason to write a new one? Other than that it is specifically Ronotheyan?

Your entries need to fit the world, not by being disconnected off in its own little corner, but by being attached, embedded into the great big world that's already here.

[Bard Judith]

Aura for Valen for being tactful but thorough, kind but firm.  He has pointed out quite accurately and precisely what we would find / have found problematic with this beast and has stated the case as neatly as most longterm members would have done.  Please look carefully at what he has said; we wish to encourage, not discourage you, Perab, but we must also be able to use and integrate your work.

[Perab- The Elementalist]

I would give Valan a point and you too, I know you do that for my best and I respect that... I will think on your words and do what I have to do 

[Perab- The Elementalist]

Here I took your words to my heart, I made the Dragon fit into this world, well a part of it, but I will have to write many entries about the things that made the Dragon fit into the world...

Hope this will help me to get a little bit further to a membership...

[Valan Nonesuch]

While you may have read what I wrote, you don't seem to have understood, so I'll illustrate my point once again.
This is what you have added to your creature.

Some Roniotheyan Dragons left the Forest of Ronoth a long time ago. They settled far away from the forest on many places. During the time many types of the Dragon were created, the Ronotheyan Dragon is one of them, but the only original. Here are some specimens:

The Silver Dragon - Made it homes on the high mountains of Caelereth, it's habbit to live on the high mountains changes the color, the growth (now it is smaller) and the wings (small useless wings). It has got 2 new legs which help it to climb the mountains up. Also it has got a thicker and denser scale to survive the cold mountains. It is very tame and fearful. It eats only smaller creatures, like snakes and bugs.

 The Shade Dragon - Is preferring to live underground, the caves are it homes. This type changed much, but still it has the aggression of the original dragon, It is a little bit smaller, and it is colored black, it has got a sensible hearing and lost it's sight. It eats what it finds.

 The Air Dancer - Is a small but tricky, it prefers to live in smaller forests with a warm clime, it has got 4 wings and lost all legs, it can fly very fast and very long. It looks like a serpent now with wings. it eats only bugs.

Now, upon searching the site, I can find neither hide nor hair of any of these creatures. Which is to say they do not exist. The problem remains the same; worse, in fact, since you're trying to patch over the bits that don't work by creating more creatures. Again, you're trying to make the world fit the creature, and not the creature fit the world. Moreover, you know this!

Here I took your words to my heart, I made the Dragon fit into this world, well a part of it, but I will have to write many entries about the things that made the Dragon fit into the world...

Hope this will help me to get a little bit further to a membership...

Let's go look at the FAQs, just so we understand what it takes to get to the yellow name and shiny plaque, shall we?

After several works you've completed for the Dream, you will have the opportunity to become an official member by delivering one final larger work.[...]

You have to write entries! Which means they need to

- an original idea /concept for a beast, plant, place, person, industry, historical event, or other area of interest.
- try to embed what you develop and make at least 3 references to other things developed on the site (the entry needs to be set in the universe of Caelereth, as evidenced by careful research and cross-references to existing entries)
- uses the official Templates provided at the appropriate Dev Board forum
- contains at least a paragraph for each section of the Template

And to get to the point of consideration for a membership, you need to work to make what you write fit into this world.

[...]Note that if you do only very similar Bestiary entries with little Santharian cross-references, it might last longer until it is suggested to you that you can now start a masterwork. If you do excellent integrative Places entries for example or show your versatility and help others, it is more likely that you get the chance much sooner to become a regular member.

What you are doing Perab, is taking a piece of a puzzle, and trying to force it into a completely different puzzle. Even if it does "fit" it will never complete the picture and will always look out of place. And need I add this?

The Ronotheyan Dragon is a creature with a serpent body and insect wings. It has four legs which it uses to hunt, more specifically for grabbing it's victims. Really, it hasn't much to do with a dragon, but it is just called so by the Ronotheyan.

Take careful notes of the bits in bold. If it isn't a dragon, then it isn't a dragon. It will never be a dragon so there is little point in calling it a dragon.

And before you try to write a dragon, please take note of these particular restrictions (you will have to scroll down to find the restrictions):

Restrictions (i.e Creatures Not to Attempt)

Its natural that everyone has certain creatures they would love working on, however some types of creatures dont fit into the world of Caelereth or are already more than abundant. Below will be a constantly updated list of creatures we ask you not to attempt at creating:

~ Dragons (Only if a currently proposed Dragon.  See the "Need an Idea or Want to Revise and Entry Thread for all dragon choices)
[...]
~Super Beasts(eg. A rat with telepathy and the ability to time travel)

This is the last time I will lay it out like this for you Perab, since it takes quite a bit of effort. Integrate your creature. The Ronotheyan Dragon changes to fit the world, not the other way around.
You must integrate the creature with regards to entries which are already on the site not entries which will need to be created later.

[Perab- The Elementalist]

Ouch... Seems that I am really annoying to you...

well ok.... I played with the fire and now my fingers hurt... but Valan tell me one thing what, oh what can I do that the Dragon fits ito the world? Please tell me...

[Jonael Tomeskrift]

Aw, haha, dun take it to heart Perab, Valan is great at giving feedback and constructive criticism, exactly because he is very direct.

Like I said in my first post, we tend to leave dragons out in the Bestiary. Given their complex nature they're one of the toughest creatures to incorporate into Caelereth.
Regardless, how do you go about it? A recommendable way to go about incorporating a creature (this is general, but I'm sure you'll be able to make it applicable to your dragon):

1. Select a habitat for the creature. An area in Caelereth
2. Read up on the area, both about it's fauna and wildlife, all the while considering each other creature: Would they be prey or a predator to the creature you are designing? Similarly, the humanoid races that live there will also have a great role to play. How do they interact with the creature, or how do they feel about its presence. Notice here that the more interrupting and inflicting the presence of your creature, the more 'ripples' you are causing into the original entry of these beings. While the Compendium will allow some change, like introducing a new source of food, or game for these people, we usually don't want these changes to be too vast. Ie, some creature suddenly ravaging entire populations.
3. As for special abilities, while this is a magical universe, the world we create is very balanced. If you give a creature a special ability, its skill usually draws inspiration from the area it lives in, the conditions it lives in, or lore behind it... and you'll notice that the great majority of special abilities are balanced out with a drawback, or a restriction. That way we prevent creatures from becoming overpowered and wreaking havoc to the ecosystem they live in.
4. Also, consider the landscape and surrounding areas, down to their very shape. How could you weave your creature into this fine tapestry that's already in place?

Though vague I hope these guide lines help you a little in incorporating the entry. Tell you what, if you have any more questions, regardless how many feel free to pm me, and we'll go through it and brainstorm some ideas

[Cruciform]

PLEASE NOTE: If it is in red, it is a comment of my own. Unlike usual, I won't be taking a look at grammar since this entry needs a fair touch of work. Instead, I'm attempting to help you understand and implement Valan's very extremely valid (sorry for the alliteration) points.

Changes I will mark with this teal color.

The Ronotheyan Dragon

Overview:

On highest parts of Ronoth (where or what is Ronoth? This is almost the very basis of the problem. Within five words of the beginning of the entry, you've referenced something that doesn't exist in Santharia and needs ANOTHER new entry. The major problem is that you make Ronoth sound like a continent) flies the creature of shadow (knowing that it's a flying creature, this word choice makes me think of this image: link). Making itself a home between the Carabery tree (again, an entity that doesn't exist. The only difference is that you're in the middle of writing this entry as well) and hunting the smaller and weaker creatures in the forest, it counts as the most dangerous creatures of Ronoth. The great kings used to hunt these creatures to prove their strength to the people, bringing them a blue orb as proof. The orbs are located on the heads of 200 year old Ronotheyan Dragons. (200 years old? Really? That's fairly old. As for the kings hunting them, that in itself makes it sound a little too special, and yet, it doesn't sound like a particularly dangerous feat)

Appearance:

The Ronotheyan Dragon is a creature with a serpent body and insect wings. It has four legs which it uses to hunt, more specifically for grabbing it's victims. Really, it hasn't much to do with a dragon, but it is just called so by the Ronotheyan. (1. This underlined sentence should be in the overview or researchers, perhaps. 2. It's not a dragon, so it's not a great idea to call it one. Native Americans are not Indians (and nor are they American), so it's not a good idea to call them Indian, you see?) The Ronotheyan Dragon can grow up to 2 peds, it wings are transparent and large. They have a slim body which is covered with scales. The scales are harder then iron (why?), people use them to create armors. They like shadowed and cold wet areas. They can live 400 years. They aren't able to fly high, they are keeping themselves in a height of 8 peds. They are very fast, in the forest practically invisible. (I underlined all of that because not a single bit of it has to do with appearance) The orb on their head is a symbol of the age of a Ronotheyan Dragon. The orb is a fore high and 1 palmspan and 5 Nailsbreadth wide (that's very specific. I'm sure "a bit over a fore" would be fine too). The tiny Dragons that have less then 50 years have a transparent orb like a glass or a crystal egg. After they reach 50 years their orb starts to change the color but only a little bit. It gets a light blue color but it isn't much visible. 150 years the orb starts to change it's color in a very strong blue color, but it will completely change into blue when the Ronotheyan Dragon reaches 200 years. This is the best orb until  the Ronothyan Dragon reaches 400 years and the orb changes into a shiny red color which is very rare.[/color]

Some Roniotheyan Dragons left the Forest of Ronoth a long time ago. They settled far away from the forest on many places. During the time many types of the Dragon were created, the Ronotheyan Dragon is one of them, but the only original (I honestly have no clue of what I'm supposed to take that to mean). Here are some specimens:

The Silver Dragon - Made it homes on the high mountains of Caelereth, it's habbit to live on the high mountains changes the color, the growth (now it is smaller) and the wings (small useless wings). It has got 2 new legs which help it to climb the mountains up. Also it has got a thicker and denser scale to survive the cold mountains. It is very tame and fearful. It eats only smaller creatures, like snakes and bugs.

 The Shade Dragon - Is preferring to live underground, the caves are it homes. This type changed much, but still it has the aggression of the original dragon, It is a little bit smaller, and it is colored black, it has got a sensible hearing and lost it's sight. It eats what it finds.

 The Air Dancer - Is a small but tricky, it prefers to live in smaller forests with a warm clime, it has got 4 wings and lost all legs, it can fly very fast and very long. It looks like a serpent now with wings. it eats only bugs.

(animals don't just leave their habitats and suddenly sprout extra limbs and adaptations. A real dragon might, but this creature is NOT a dragon. Speaking of which, since it's not a dragon and only called one by the "Ronotheyan", there's no reason for it to be called a shade dragon or silver dragon in areas the "Ronotheyan" do not inhabit)


Special Ability:

The special ability or the Ronotheyan Dragon is it's speed and it's silence, the victim doesn't know that the Dragon is above him and it could just grab the victim noiseless with it's 4 legs. (contrary to popular belief, wings are quite the opposite of silent. From what I can tell, it has big wings like a dragonfly's. Wings like that, being that they cannot glide, need to be in constant movement which MAKES SOUND. Also, why would it grab its victim with all four legs? Wouldn't two be enough?)

It is said that dragons (not the Ronotheyan) (please avoid parentheses in your entries) are immune to magic, here is another reason why the title "Dragon" has been given to the Ronotheyan Dragon. The orb on their head is able to absorb magic, but only once in the lifetime of the Dragon. The absorbed magic can be released by many ways. After a time the magic in the orb expires and the orb will be useless, also the orb losses its color. This can save the life of the Dragon. (I'd like to stamp this with something large that says, "No." but I won't. I will, however, tell you that it sounds like a very bad idea)

Territory:

The Ronotheyan Dragon lives in Ronoth, but it expands it territory more to the north of Ronoth. Also it can be found on many other territories in a other form. (again, Ronoth sounds like a continent or something. Ronoth does not exist)

Diet:

The Ronotheyan Dragon eats only meat. Everything that this beast can kill,  that will be the lunch (using the word "lunch" makes me giggle. Lunch is a human thing. "Meal" would be a better choice) of this beast. The Dragon prefers moving targets and likes to hunt them.

Habit/Behavior:

The Ronotheyan Dragon is very wild and aggressive, even to its progeny. They like cold shadowed places near water. They are used to hunt, even if they aren't hungry. The progeny of the Ronotheyan Dragon spends three months in the nest, after the three months have passed they are just interlopers in that nest. Sometimes, the progeny exorcise their own parents from their nests. They are always fighting and never give up, they like it to be stubborn.
(first of all, you use the term "progeny" too much here. Also, no, they don't "exorcise" their forebears. Exorcisms are performed by priests to remove demons from a person or a place. You don't exorcise your parents.

Mating:

The Ronotheyan Dragons have their own special season for this. When the feminine Dragon is ready, it will lie in the nest. The male Dragon will choose the perfect partner and get into the nest. Then the mating begins (how? Does the male mount the female? The point of this section is to tell us what actually happens. They seem to be reptile, so I assume they'd lay an egg. Speaking of which, you haven't mentioned whether it's a live birth or an egg. Et cetera, et cetera. This section needs work). After 22 hours the male Dragon will exit the nest, and bring as much food to the feminine Dragon for the next 3 months. After the young Dragons are born, the feminine Dragon will guard the nest as long as the male Dragon brings food.

Usage:

The scale of the Ronotheyan Dragon is harder then Iron, The people use them to create armors, boots and shields. Of course the orb of the Dragon is very valuable. It is used to decorate the royal tables of royal families, many royal families are looking for this orb it is a symbol of strength as the Ronotheyan said (what royal families? To me, it sounds like you're trying to implement an ENTIRE KINGDOM. Things do not work this way). The Ronotheyan used this orbs to create crowns of them, a golden crown with a Ronotheyan Dragon orb in the middle of the crown (aren't they, like, a fore wide? That'd be heavy and ridiculous).

The orbs are also a great magic absorber, the Ronotheyan used them to make Staffs. The legend tells that this orbs were used as power source to power great technologies... (that's a very unfriendly ellipsis. Are you going to complete that part?)

Researchers:

Researchers have found symbols on the skin of the Ronotheyan Dragons (under the scale), they are placed like a text but they have no meaning. The legend about the first Ronotheyan Dragon, the greatest one, called "Master Dragon", tells us about the death of it, that a young warrior has killed it and it's golden orb fall on the ground. But then the Master Dragon with last strength wrote a curse with it's blood on it's progeny, like symbols on their skin. The curse shall be the destruction of the warrior and everything what has to do with him.
(This is a very random and unnecessary addition)
[/size]

I'm going to suggest something wild here. Go to the bestiary section (we're in it), and take a look at the thread marked, "Need an idea or want to revise an entry?" Look through it. I very very HIGHLY suggest that you start out with an animal you like in that thread, write an entry on it, and work on something that isn't too groundbreaking. The problem with most of your entries, Perab, is that you're trying too hard to make something cool and unique that you're ignoring the need for it to be Santharian.

If you want to write your own fantasy world, nobody's going to stop you, but the fact remains that it can't exist within Santharia. Kudos to you for being unique, but uniqueness doesn't make an entry. The way it ties in is how an entry works, and this barely ties in to anything else Santharian. You've put it in a extra-fictional place (as in, fictional outside of Santharia). Even if it was in a Santharian place, you haven't even taken the time and effort to look for potential predators and prey. You've only said, "It'll eat anything it can that is made of meat."

Now, I know what I've said here has been harsh, and I'm sorry that they are that way, but that's just the crap end of the stick. You'll need to change an extremely large amount of what's in this entry in order for it to fit into Santharia. I stand by my suggestion that you go and find an animal entry that needs to be implemented since that will teach you a lot about referencing other Santharian works and it'll help you create ordinary creatures that are still unique.

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Members Total Members: 990 Latest: Ryvic Darkveil Stats Total Posts: 140937 Total Topics: 10685 Online Today: 56 Online Ever: 125 (21 June 2007, 19:36:12) Users Online Users: 1 Guests: 20 Total: 21 Azhira Styralias

[Seeker]

Last 10 Shouts: Seeker Yesterday at 07:41:35 Are Shabby and Dek the same person in my mind.  Strange. Artimidor Federkiel 20 May 2012, 10:38:19 Ah yes, forgot to point out to Shabakuk that Chapter 5 is ready for testing - will do so now! Deklitch Hardin 18 May 2012, 09:35:51 I am pleased it is going well for you though Seeker ... can't wait to try it and die. Deklitch Hardin 18 May 2012, 09:35:13 No, I didn't Seeker. I think it is Master Anfang who is doing the testing Seeker 18 May 2012, 08:30:42 Dek-   shoals is going very well.  Art is starting on chapter 6. A very important chapter.  Did you test chapter 5? Valan Nonesuch 15 May 2012, 05:41:48 *Valan filches some parchments from around the corners of the pile before sauntering off attempting to look casual and tripping over the hem of his robes.* Bard Judith 14 May 2012, 07:33:29 Waiiiiiit!   (Bard staggers back with a pile of Unfinished Projects so high her arms are trembling)  Let me stuff mine in there before you lock the room!  *looks guiltily around and snatches the Quenyss parchment off the top of the stack* Deklitch Hardin 13 May 2012, 08:12:31 and throw the key into the deepest river we can find, or the midst of one of the volcanoes Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin 13 May 2012, 03:19:29 Then I say we lock the Unfinished Projects room.  If Arti ever gets in there.... big trouble. Deklitch Hardin 13 May 2012, 02:54:30 I'm amazed you can see the Altario projects pile considering it is dwarfed by my unfinished projects. For which I apologise.

[Seeker]

Seeker

[Artimidor Federkiel]

Artimidor Federkiel

[Deklitch Hardin]

Deklitch Hardin

[Deklitch Hardin]

Deklitch Hardin

[Seeker]

Seeker

[Valan Nonesuch]

Valan Nonesuch

[Bard Judith]

Bard Judith

[Deklitch Hardin]

Deklitch Hardin

[Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin]

Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin

[Deklitch Hardin]

Deklitch Hardin

[Artimidor]

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