The Ulgaroth (Revised)

Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels

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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #30 on: 15 October 2010, 23:43:46 »

I said I liked it! buck


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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #31 on: 16 October 2010, 11:31:12 »

DANGNABBIT!

Well, I'll replace it again. >.< You blinded me with library science, Ta'lia! Thank god that I got that whole section out of this thread.

EDIT: Fix'd.


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Azhira Styralias

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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #32 on: 17 October 2010, 03:08:42 »

Quote

Though the Ulgaroth live most prominently in northern Sarvonia, there are a few wild herds further south in Santharia also. Some say that they have seen Ulgaroth walking as far south as the Rahaz-Dath desert, although these claims have been dismissed as utterly ridiculous by Talia Sturmwind...

Cruci, I don't believe there to be ulgaroth in the South. The tendency to spread beasts into a much larger area is not a good habit to have. I believe the ulgaroth should be a strictly Northern beast and to hint at a Southern territory doesn't sit well with me.


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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #33 on: 17 October 2010, 06:27:41 »

See the original article:

Quote

Ulgaroth can be found in various parts of the Sarvonian continent ...

That could be interpreted in a few ways, but I took it as "sometimes they migrate south" and that there'd probably smaller groups of them in a few different places. However, if there's any particular problems you have with it, I'll consider an upheaval of the territory section there.


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seth ghibta

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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #34 on: 17 October 2010, 15:38:11 »

Hi Cruciform, and sorry for not introducing myself earlier.
This is a nice revision, and you've clearly put a lot of work into integrating and expanding the entry, so well done. i could only find a couple of very small points, which i'll address in red...

Their heads, at maturity, will be around one fore and one palmspan from the back of the skull to the tip of the muzzle, which is possessed of a jutting under bite. The horn that sits atop the mouth is, at most, two palmspans in length, but is quite narrow in orientation. Great, but can I be nosey and ask to hear maybe a couple sentences more about their facial features? you say the horn is narrow, and where it is, but is it smooth of lumpy? curved, straight, pointed, blunt? flattened or perfectly rounded? and whereabouts are the eyes? what do they look like? same with ears and mouth. doesn't need to be an in depth description and feel free to ignore these specific questions, what i'd like is to know what their faces look like.

The powerfully built neck itself is about one fore thick at the shoulder and narrows to slightly less than this at the back of the neck. While the rest of the beast is muscular and lean, the Ulgaroth’s head is meaty and the muscles around the jawbones are not quite so prominent, giving the beast very subtle jowls. see, this is a lovely detail, and suggests to me a big heavy jowly sort of beast, but without extra details it's hard to get that picture. another thing that might help is a description of how they move, just any detail, like whether they lumber around or arre light on their feet. i couldn't see anything like that. (may have missed it though

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[...]

Living for around fifty human< (do you need this? it just struck me, is all, that a year is a year, and it makes sense without) years, wild Ulgaroth will live in small family herds made of two or three couples and their foals.

Widowed Ulgaroth will not search for new mates, but will, rather, continue on with their small herd, sleeping alone. Is it common for an Ulgaroth to be widowed? you could slip smething about their main predators in here if you wanted, though that is just a suggestion.Any Ulgaroth that has lost its life partner seems to rot away and become malnourished, sleeping longer every day. In truth, they seem to have lost their will to live, and they are less likely to defend themselves against predators.

I think that's it really; like i said, only small nosinesses, for yu to incorporate or not, at your discretion. Nice work.


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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #35 on: 17 October 2010, 15:48:48 »

Thanks for that, seth. *Shakes your hand*

I'll get around to incorporating all that in a minute or two! I always appreciate criticism.

As for the "human" years thing, that's just from me being used to talking about human years in my own personal science fiction project that I'm working on, where a technical year is a lot longer than a human year, so I refer to things as "human" years. Feel free to point this out if you see it anywhere else. :s

Thanks.


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Artimidor Federkiel

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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #36 on: 31 October 2010, 12:16:31 »

Have all the changes been done here, Cruci? Are there still questions open that need to be discussed?


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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #37 on: 31 October 2010, 12:20:28 »

I'm happy with the ways that Cruciform has modified the details of Sordoc the Great and his discussion of the Ulgaroth


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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #38 on: 31 October 2010, 12:48:59 »

Quote from: Artimidor Federkiel on 31 October 2010, 12:16:31

Have all the changes been done here, Cruci? Are there still questions open that need to be discussed?

No, I'm pretty sure everything's been expanded upon and finished.

Quote from: Deklitch Hardin on 31 October 2010, 12:20:28

I'm happy with the ways that Cruciform has modified the details of Sordoc the Great and his discussion of the Ulgaroth


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Artimidor Federkiel

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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #39 on: 31 October 2010, 13:10:44 »

Ok, then I'll take it into the update! Should anyone still spot a problem, you can still point it out later.


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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #40 on: 31 October 2010, 13:20:04 »

Question: You write that the Ulgaroth is a tailless beast:

Quote

They are a tailless beast, although some Ulgaroth have been sighted with small flaps of skin at their rears, suggesting that tails may be existent in their breeding, but not common.

However, if we look at the enlarged version of the picture, you seem to be wrong here...


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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #41 on: 31 October 2010, 13:22:28 »

There's an enlarged version? I'll check that and update it before I drink any more.


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Re: The Ulgaroth (Revised)

« Reply #42 on: 31 October 2010, 13:30:30 »

Two edits to the first two paragraphs on "Appearance". The tail part and the "nose to rump" part, so that it specifies that their length is not from tip of the nose to tip of the tail.

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The Ulgaroth (Revised)