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Author Topic: The Waterleaf - Finished! Well, nearly  (Read 1926 times)
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Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
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« Reply #15 on: 06 December 2010, 21:38:26 »
Hi Talia,

The side-effect sentence could run more simply:

There are no known physical side-effects that would harm a human, dwarf, elf, hobbit, or whoever wants to use it.


And about the poem: I've decided to be impertinent and make a few bold suggestions. Feel free to ignore some or all of them. If you don't like "little dove", you might also go for "turtle dove", maybe?


Waterleaf, oh waterleaf
Help me keep my love
For I shall surely drown in grief
Without my little dove

Waterleaf, oh waterleaf
Help me keep my love
For I fear a ruthless thief
Will steal my little dove

Waterleaf, oh waterleaf
Help me keep my love
For never can I find relief
Without my little dove


Explanation: “I’m afraid a ruthless thief will take away my love” could be understood as: “Leider wird ein ruchloser Dieb mein Liebchen wegnehmen”. (‘I’m afraid’ also has the sense of ‘unfortunately’, which is an unfortunate connotation in the context of this poem, I think. )  My suggestion approaches the meaning: “Denn ich hab Angst, dass ein ruchloser Dieb mein Liebchen stehlen wird”.
« Last Edit: 06 December 2010, 21:45:06 by Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang » Logged
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Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #16 on: 07 December 2010, 00:00:28 »
Thanks Shaba, what would I do without you! I'll change it according to your proposals!  heart
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Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #17 on: 07 December 2010, 00:48:10 »
Art, I just realised, that the description in the last part is for this other pic where more of the mosaic is visible. I would like to keep it though, because eventually I'll finish this one also.
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #18 on: 07 December 2010, 03:04:12 »
The finished, updated picture.
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #19 on: 07 December 2010, 04:04:17 »
It's lovely, and the fish are very cute--but the water looks  too clean, somehow.  I'm not an artist, so I don't really know how you would fix that. Maybe a yellowish or greenish filter?  noidea
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Alysse the Likely
Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #20 on: 07 December 2010, 10:32:26 »
That depends a bit on the sediments you have in the water, the kind of colour those have etc. If you have not many, or like here a grey base and not a yellow one, it can look as clear as it is. It is fairly shallow here as well, that you minimise that effect also.
« Last Edit: 07 December 2010, 10:34:47 by Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels » Logged
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #21 on: 07 December 2010, 11:53:47 »
I played some more around  grin
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
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« Reply #22 on: 08 December 2010, 00:50:17 »
I spy with my little eye ...

... two red-housed tent snails!  :D

I wonder whether the water looks a bit too shallow. There is an odd effect: when looking at the concentric circles around the raindrops, the water seems very shallow (just half a handbreadth deep) - but when looking at the fish and their shadows, it seems deeper (a whole handbreadth). So depending on which part of the image I focus on, it sometimes looks as if the fish are soaring above  the water.

Or have I got a kink in my vision?
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Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #23 on: 08 December 2010, 02:13:55 »
They are flying fish!

Well, I saw that problem also, but right now I don't have the time to do anything in this respect. I'm away from my lovely comp the rest of the week and though I do have a mac there, it is sooo slow and small.. Good to read and write comments, but nothing else.

And when I'm back I need to work on the shrine itself. So the fish have to fly for now.  grin
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #24 on: 08 December 2010, 03:07:04 »
I think it looks fabulous, Talia. I don't see a need to change anything.
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No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
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Seeker
Yesterday at 07:41:35
Are Shabby and Dek the same person in my mind.  Strange.
Artimidor Federkiel
20 May 2012, 10:38:19
Ah yes, forgot to point out to Shabakuk that Chapter 5 is ready for testing - will do so now!
Deklitch Hardin
18 May 2012, 09:35:51
I am pleased it is going well for you though Seeker ... can't wait to try it and die. :D
Deklitch Hardin
18 May 2012, 09:35:13
No, I didn't Seeker. :( I think it is Master Anfang who is doing the testing
Seeker
18 May 2012, 08:30:42
Dek-   shoals is going very well.  Art is starting on chapter 6. A very important chapter.  Did you test chapter 5?
Valan Nonesuch
15 May 2012, 05:41:48
*Valan filches some parchments from around the corners of the pile before sauntering off attempting to look casual and tripping over the hem of his robes.*
Bard Judith
14 May 2012, 07:33:29
Waiiiiiit!   (Bard staggers back with a pile of Unfinished Projects so high her arms are trembling)  Let me stuff mine in there before you lock the room!  *looks guiltily around and snatches the Quenyss parchment off the top of the stack*
Deklitch Hardin
13 May 2012, 08:12:31
and throw the key into the deepest river we can find, or the midst of one of the volcanoes
Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
13 May 2012, 03:19:29
Then I say we lock the Unfinished Projects room.  If Arti ever gets in there.... big trouble. rolleyes
Deklitch Hardin
13 May 2012, 02:54:30
I'm amazed you can see the Altario projects pile considering it is dwarfed by my unfinished projects. For which I apologise.
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