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Author Topic: Spined Wyrm-ABANDONED  (Read 3861 times)
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Valan Nonesuch
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« on: 09 November 2010, 02:17:22 »

   Basic Overview of the Beast
The Spined Wyrm is a serpent-like creature of enormous size and strength, dwelling within the Mists of Osthemangar. With observed specimens exceeding ten peds in length, and being observed to crush the bones of a full-grown orc, they are truly fearsome monsters to behold.

   Appearance
The Spined Wyrm most resembles certain varieties of snake found on the continent of Aerullin, with a scaly hide, slitted eyes and pointed fangs. It has a pair of spined crests that fan out to either side of the head when the creature is hunting, but fold back when it is at rest. Uniquely, the eyes of the Spined Wyrm glow, much like those of felines, and have a lamp-like quality to them. Its size and girth are as unnatural as those many of the other denziens of the Mist, since the Spined Wyrm can easily attain lengths of more than ten peds, and weigh more than an adult wison.

The scales of the Spined Wyrm are an iridescent green, and they shimmer when exposed to light. They are also incredibly tough to pierce or cut, and seem to make up a great deal of the creature's weight, since an individual scale can weigh a halfeb! They give the creature its orcen name "Ph'ragh'maar" or "Stone Hide".  The fangs of the Spined Wyrm are not poisonous, and are always exposed to view as they jut out from the beast's upper jaw. They serve to drag food into the wyrm's mouth, where it is swallowed whole.

        
   Special Abilities
The hide of the Spined Wyrm is made up of obscenely durable and heavy scales. While part of the creature's hide, these scales are almost impossible to harm, however once shed, they quickly lose this property and turn to dust.

Despite its prodigious Mists-born size and strength, the Spined Wyrm has a good turn of speed, which it uses to entrap victims and crush their bones.

The Spined Wyrm is capable of spitting a noxious tar-like substance from its mouth. This foul ooze often strikes with a high enough speed to knock a target from its feet, whereupon it sticks them to the ground. The Spined Wyrm can then eat them at its leisure.

   Territory
The Spined Wyrm exists inside the Mists of Osthemangar, and is one of the few creatures known to hunt around the edges of the Mists, where it may find more palatable prey than its fellow monstrosities.
  
   Habitat/Behavior
A Spined Wyrm molts at least once a year, twice if it should mate, shedding its enormous skin, with a ghostly apparition. The skin shed during the mating season is used to cover the eggs and smells strongly of brimstone. It prefers to strike from concealment, hiding behind ridges and other landscape features quite adeptly for such a monstrous beast, and will attack its prey with its adhesive sputum before consuming it.

Prey too large to be trapped by the spitting attack or too awkwardly shaped to be swallowed whole, is constricted, which breaks the bones of the unfortunate creature and allows the Wyrm to consume its prey.

   Diet
A Spined Wyrm will eat almost anything, living or dead, though it appears to prefer live meat to dead. On occasion they have been witnessed to eat truly bizzare things, ranging from poisonous Mists plants to months old bones and corpses to whole rocks. There is an orcish phrase that says  "Ph'ragh'marr nom ph'ragh, ph'ragh aka!" The nearest translation can be said, "Stone Hide eats stones, has a stone belly!"

   Mating
Spined Wyrms lay clutches of four to grey, stone-like eggs roughly a handspan across. Of the clutch, it is rare that more than half survive the initial hatching. Spined Wyrms are born ravenous, and often turn on their siblings in a post-hatching feeding frenzy. The young snakes are believed to The nest can be distinguished from normal rocks by their weight and by the noxious, brime smell, much like that of rotten taenish eggs.

Myth/Origin
The Spined Wyrm is believed to be the Mist-corrupted spawn of some sort of scaly creature, possibly tsor-shotak lizards. Osther-oc legends claim that they were once dragons or some other creature from the War of the Chosen.
In the long ago days before the grandsires of our grandsires were young,
there was great battle and much war.
Men of magic made strange beasts that made war on the earth and in the skies,
And the land was made ill with their blood and their filth.
And so the spirits of the land rose up and they cursed the beasts of the earth,
Vermin! Walk the ground no more!
And the beasts of the earth shrank from the spirits and fled into the darkness,
for they were terrified by the spirits of the land.
The beasts of the earth fled into the darkness under the earth far from the sun,
where the spirits could not reach them.
And so the spirits of the land rose up and they cursed the beasts of the air,
Vermin! Spread your wings no more!
And the beasts of the air fell from the sky and their wings burned with the wrath of the spirits,
and they fled into lands the sun does not touch,
But the spirits were still wrathful and they cursed the beasts of the air again,
Vermin! Filth! Crawl the ground!
And the legs of the beasts of the air withered and died and they crawled in the darkness,
and they sired monsters in the darkness of the land.
-Osther-Oc oral history, translated by Tharoc Wargrider
« Last Edit: 24 March 2017, 12:50:23 by Valan Nonesuch » Logged

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Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #1 on: 09 November 2010, 02:22:07 »

Not quite finished yet. I've had it hiding around here though.
Judy's picture!
« Last Edit: 09 November 2010, 02:44:30 by Valan Nonesuch » Logged

Beyond the horizon where the earth and the heavens meet
lies a certain point where they are not joined together and where, by stooping,
one might pass under the roof of the heavens.
Valan Nonesuch
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« Reply #2 on: 23 January 2011, 23:03:24 »

*kicks the spined wyrm to the top of the forum*
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Beyond the horizon where the earth and the heavens meet
lies a certain point where they are not joined together and where, by stooping,
one might pass under the roof of the heavens.
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #3 on: 25 January 2011, 18:01:11 »

Hello Valan! As promised by PM, my comments on this great beast.
Generally I would say - what you have is already quite good, but it is not enough. You cover all sections, but otherwise this entry looks as if it could be revised, enlarged a bit.  buck

I will read now through it and spill all my thoughts as they come, so they may be a bit unsorted, I might say something twice, or will write later what I recommend, the English will be certainly off..... Please don‘t feel offended, if I may seem not polite at some points, you know, I‘m such an awful person who has English not as her native tongue (and has not really a knack for foreign languages) And please, all that below are proposals, more to curb your imagination than useful for the entry.


   Basic Overview of the Beast
The Spined Wyrm is a serpent-like creature of enormous size and strength, dwelling within the Mists of Osthemangar. With observed specimens exceeding ten peds in length, and being observed to crush the bones of a full-grown orc, they are truly fearsome monsters to behold.

Valan, you are in Ostemangar, are you really sure, that there are not some who are much more longer and even much more fearsome? I mean, if I go into the zoo and look at such a snake and would observe it crushing its meal, it would think it is fearsome also. Generally,make it much more mysterious! Let your imagination fly!

(Though the individual xxx(researcher) has found dead in yy(place, or when) was only ten peds long and therefore this is the only true available  size we could measure, there are sightings of others who let assume, that they can exceed this length by far, ZZZZ have even claimed that old individuals can be up to hundred peds long, though..they are rarely seen, because their skin is said to resemble the ground they moving upon much more, that they have lost the bright hue of the younger individuals --But that does not belong in the overview!

   Appearance
The Spined Wyrm most resembles certain varieties of snake found on the continent of Aerullin, with a scaly hide, slitted eyes and pointed fangs. It has a pair of spined crests that fan out to either side of the head when the creature is hunting, but fold back when it is at rest. Uniquely, the eyes of the Spined Wyrm glow, much like those of felines, and have a lamp-like quality to them. Its size and girth are as unnatural as those many of the other denziens of the Mist, since the Spined Wyrm can easily attain lengths of more than ten peds, and weigh more than an adult wison.

The scales of the Spined Wyrm are an iridescent green, and they shimmer when exposed to light. They are also incredibly tough to pierce or cut, and seem to make up a great deal of the creature's weight, since an individual scale can weigh a halfeb! They give the creature its orcen name "Ph'ragh'maar" or "Stone Hide".  The fangs of the Spined Wyrm are not poisonous, and are always exposed to view as they jut out from the beast's upper jaw. They serve to drag food into the wyrm's mouth, where it is swallowed whole.

This is a nice description - for a more or less harmless snake in the woods of Santharia. The sizes don‘t impress me at all.
Tell me, how dangerous the snake looks while hunting, with the crest wide. Has it a different colour than the rest? Has it perhaps a different colour when hunting and wide open? Iridescent maybe, to frighten/attract the prey? How does it move? (Maybe have a look at my Ráhaz-Éstar) Does it wait for the prey and then quickly attack it, or is it, despite its size, incredible fast (not as common snakes of that size) Maybe this speed is not explainable? Or it has special scales on the belly or it produces slime on which it glides very fast or it moves by jumping pedwide, somehow? ----> I know, this belongs partly in behaviour, here you should describe, how it looks while it has tis behaviour.

Describe the eyes, or better how it glances better. If you doesn‘t want to let your researcher be too fearsome , let him tell other people, what they feel, when this snake looks at them. Don‘t they feel dizzy, once they have looked into these eyes? Or get they nausea? Or have they the instant desire to flee? Or to come near? (Would make more sense from the standpoint of the snake)


These green scales... Beautiful already under normal circumstances (if you can cherish beauty in this situation at all), but when, occasionally, at the rim of the mists, a tiny sunbeam reaches it, it shines brilliantly? Hmm, there is no sun in the mist, so why not allow the snake to light up its skin at certain circumstances? Maybe it attracts the other gender?

 If you mention Aeruillin here, I would like to have some musings at another place, why they resemble those of Aeruillin. Have they wandered around the other side of the disk to get here? Or is another Tak Dinal somewhere in the uncharted areas of Aeruillin, where they entered and wandered through the netherworld to get here?


        
   Special Abilities
The hide of the Spined Wyrm is made up of obscenely durable and heavy scales. While part of the creature's hide, these scales are almost impossible to harm, however once shed, they quickly lose this property and turn to dust.

Despite its prodigious Mists-born size and strength, the Spined Wyrm has a good turn of speed, which it uses to entrap victims and crush their bones.

See comments above about moving

The Spined Wyrm is capable of spitting a noxious tar-like substance from its mouth. This foul ooze often strikes with a high enough speed to knock a target from its feet, whereupon it sticks them to the ground. The Spined Wyrm can then eat them at its leisure.

Example! How far does it spit? What size has the prey which is pinned down - does it fade, or is it sticky? I could imagine, that you still can run with it on your body. Even if kicked of your feet, it must not necessarily fix you to the ground immediately. How have you seen this with your inner eye?

   Territory
The Spined Wyrm exists inside the Mists of Osthemangar, and is one of the few creatures known to hunt around the edges of the Mists, where it may find more palatable prey than its fellow monstrosities.

Ok, when hunting outside or at the rim, its hide can look a bit differently, when the sun shines on it! Maybe it is ugly then.
  
   Habitat/Behavior
A Spined Wyrm molts three times a year, or four if it mates. The skin shed during the mating season is used to cover the eggs and smells strongly of brimstone. It prefers to strike from concealment, hiding behind ridges and other landscape features quite adeptly for such a monstrous beast, and will attack its prey with its adhesive sputum before consuming it.

Now we are reading a biology book! Do you really know, that it molts three times, who has this observed? How? Do they all molt at the same time?

Prey too large to be trapped by the spitting attack or too awkwardly shaped to be swallowed whole, is constricted, which breaks the bones of the unfortunate creature and allows the Wyrm to consume its prey.

Isn‘t this prey then running away, if it is not pinned down by the spit? Can it move then quickly?

   Diet
A Spined Wyrm will eat almost anything, living or dead, though it appears to prefer live meat to dead. On occasion they have been witnessed to eat truly bizarre things, ranging from poisonous Mists plants to months old bones and corpses to whole rocks. There is an orcish phrase that says  "Ph'ragh'marr nom ph'ragh, ph'ragh aka!" The nearest translation can be said, "Stone Hide eats stones, has a stone belly!"

   Mating
Spined Wyrms lay clutches of four to grey, stone-like eggs roughly a handspan across. Of the clutch, it is rare that more than half survive the initial hatching. Spined Wyrms are born ravenous, and often turn on their siblings in a post-hatching feeding frenzy. The eggs can be distinguished from normal rocks by their weight and by the noxious, brime smell, much like that of rotten taenish eggs.

Oh, some more mystery around the eggs also, please! How do the young serpents look like? Have they already their colour? Or is it changing with every molting?

Myth/Lore/Origin
The Spined Wyrm is believed to be the Mist-corrupted spawn of some sort of scaly creature, possibly tsor-shotak lizards. Osther-oc legends claim that they were once dragons or some other creature from the War of the Chosen.

In the long ago days before the grandsires of our grandsires were young,
there was great battle and much war.
Men of magic made strange beasts that made war on the earth and in the skies,
And the land was made ill with their blood and their filth.
And so the spirits of the land rose up and they cursed the beasts of the earth,
Vermin! Walk the ground no more!
And the beasts of the earth shrank from the spirits and fled into the darkness,
for they were terrified by the spirits of the land.
The beasts of the earth fled into the darkness under the earth far from the sun,
where the spirits could not reach them.
And so the spirits of the land rose up and they cursed the beasts of the air,
Vermin! Spread your wings no more!
And the beasts of the air fell from the sky and their wings burned with the wrath of the spirits,
and they fled into lands the sun does not touch,
But the spirits were still wrathful and they cursed the beasts of the air again,
Vermin! Filth! Crawl the ground!
And the legs of the beasts of the air withered and died and they crawled in the darkness,
and they sired monsters in the darkness of the land.

Who exactly tells us this? Nice text!

Valan, what you have is good, but now you need to make out of this creature a beast of the Mists.
Maybe people think, that it is sometimes invisible, for it is suddenly near them, and they did not observe it before? Let your researcher tell his witnesses the strangest things, do not deny them, but have some distance also.

Ah, I nearly forgot - interactions with other inhabitants of the mists? What if a snake meets them?



I hope I could help you to get this creature done! :)
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« Reply #4 on: 25 January 2011, 20:59:14 »

Yup, what Talia said. nod
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No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
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« Reply #5 on: 07 June 2011, 23:40:32 »

*BUMP*

Why isn't this finished yet?

Do I have to do everything myself?

*yanks Valan away from R'unor and drops him in the Mists*
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No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
Kalína Dalá'isyrás
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« Reply #6 on: 08 June 2011, 03:12:18 »

No worries, Azhira. Valan and I will tackle this one together!
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« Reply #7 on: 09 June 2011, 00:11:50 »

Is there such a thing as a "Mist dragon" or similar? Maybe the Spinewyrm could have a nickname like that. Be sure to include references to the Mist Hunters and Ghostlings in your usages/diet/behavior sections. I'll work closely with you to make sure it fits.
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No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith. And that, I fear, for any reasoning, conscious being, would be the cruelest trick of all.
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