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Author Topic: Troi Ciosa: Founder of a Nation  (Read 12961 times)
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Athviaro Shyu-eck-Silfayr
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« Reply #15 on: 13 February 2011, 23:28:06 »

Thanks Ta'lia!

Just a quick note on the last bit - when I say "godson", I don't know precisely what the term is. I don't mean it as in the Western institution. Ciosa is his "godson" more along the lines of his semi-acknowledged adopted son.

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His parentage was an open secret: officially, he was the beloved godson of the childless Andulsskun, but when a wealthy and influential lord takes on the care and education of a prostitute's son, the most uncomprehending of city folk understands the situation perfectly.

So everyone knows that Andulsskun is his father; but no one is open about it. He stands in a curious position, socially. It's quite possible that, once he had married Lady Heiana and become a well known commander, his godfather would have adopted him.

Also: trust me, it has to be that long. It is so hard not to sound cliche and corny there; I'm not sure I managed it.

No problem with the comments; be honest and say what you think about each bit.

Ath
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« Reply #16 on: 14 February 2011, 00:56:06 »

Ath, it's not just that it is too long for a person's entry, it it not about Ciosa himself, but about his father and father in law, mainly. That he tried to kiss his future wife and how he attempted to do this is NOT important for his person's entry either. There should only be the relevant things, and this is not relevant for his future life and what he became. Therefore I said, do an extra entry, maybe even enlarge it there.

To the 'godson' problematic. Define, what a godson is for the Glandorians! Of course everybody knows that Ciosa is his son and he knows, that everybody knows it, but is it not all a thing of keeping a facade? He does not openly acknowledge, that he is his son. There needs to be an 'official' reason why he cares for that child. Why he takes somebody of low birth to an invitation into the house of nobles.

Or just let the father officially admit, that this is a child of his loins  and raise him therefore in the household, without making him to an heir. Not before this child has proved itself, proved, that the mother's heritage spoiled him.
« Last Edit: 14 February 2011, 05:24:48 by Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels » Logged

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« Reply #17 on: 14 February 2011, 03:37:01 »

I hate to argue - not in the broad sense, but in this case - but I wouldn't agree that there has to be an "official" reason. He is the "godson". I think that acknowledging him just pushes the problem back. If you "admit" who he is, you have really to make him your heir, whereas if you leave him as "my godson", you avoid that.

Besides, in one way Heiana defines him;  I really can't strip it down too much. Like I say, I rewrote that - four, five times. What's more, it gives a glimpse of who Ciosa is. Impetuous and unchanging. Love at first sight and for the rest of his days.

So how should I do this? I'm really a bit thrown by this:
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That he tried to kiss his future wife and how he attempted to do this is NOT important for his person's entry either
How do I apply this philosophy.

"Ciosa was a born illegitimately to a lord of Glandor. He and his friend were taken into the lord's household and Ciosa was made the lord's godson. He was never made legitimate or granted an inheritance. When he was ten he saved a girl from drowning. Five years later he met her again. The two had fallen in love. The girl was called Heiana. They were married. She bore him a son and a daughter. When Ciosa was twenty, he left on an exploratory expedition. His wife and children came with him. His wife gave birth to a thrid son while travelling. His wife died on the journey. His daughter was killed by pirates. They arrived in what is now Manthria. Ciosa had a fort built. After a few years, they met the inhabitants. They were called the Darians. Ciosa's sons married. His elder son married a Darian. Ciosa named his second son heir. Ciosa died aged fifty."

That's Ciosa if I cut out the interesting bits.

If I cut out everything about anyone else, we get this:

"Ciosa was a born illegitimately to a lord of Glandor. He and his friend were taken into the lord's household and Ciosa was made the lord's godson. He was never made legitimate or granted an inheritance. When he was ten he saved a girl from drowning. Five years later he met her again. The two had fallen in love. The girl was called Heiana. They were married. She bore him a son and a daughter. When Ciosa was twenty, he left on an exploratory expedition. His wife and children came with him. His wife gave birth to a thrid son while travelling. His wife died on the journey. His daughter was killed by pirates. They arrived in what is now Manthria. Ciosa had a fort built. After a few years, they met the inhabitants. They were called the Darians. Ciosa's sons married. His elder son married a Darian. Ciosa named his second son heir. Ciosa died aged fifty."

Not a huge amount. Now I know this is brusque; I'm tired, I apologise. However, my point is that things are needed. I can't give his wife a line.

Sorry - got to rush now. Apologies once again if this comes out badly.

Ath.
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« Reply #18 on: 14 February 2011, 05:05:28 »

Ath, you may well argue, it is your right! ;)

But, I would propose, that you read more closely again, what I said and proposed. Tomorrow or the day after. Most of what you have is fine. Some things do not make sense though. Some do not belong into a person's entry. Sleep a night, maybe you can accept more of what I said. You proved already, that you can well write in an interesting style. And you know very well, that what you wrote in your last post is nonsense   grin

So, now, I'll post the next part in an own post - but be prepared, I'm merciless again !   evil

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« Reply #19 on: 14 February 2011, 05:23:03 »

Don't despare :)


The Voyage of the Svarring Joling

The Svarring Joling (ca. 11350 b.S. - 11340 b.S.) - Ciosa's first sizeable command was to captain the Svarring Joling on a far-ranging exploratory expedition to the south. As was customary on long voyages, several of the crew were women - the superstitious Glandorians believed that thus they could placate the wrath of Meanra - and these included Ciosa's wife, Heiana, who was at this time great with her child. Although she was in no fit state to travel, Heiana was socially expected to attend, in accordance with the strict traditions of the Glandorians.

Launch -  As the two ships were launched, a sacrifice was made on the shore. The precise nature of this sacrifice is unknown, as the Glandorian word "kith" can mean both a kid goat or a young child, and while many have suggested that this was a human sacrifice, there is no evidence to suggest that such a ritual was practised by the Glandorians;

The site says so - history section

 for that matter, there is little in the way of evidence pertaining to the Glandorians at all. At any rate, a sacrifice is known to have been carried out, and the Svarring Joling and her sister ship, the Fijor Skull were launched without a hitch. Among Ciosa's crew were his eldest child, his son Asgeir; his wife Heiana, who bore his as yet unborn second son; and Nikolf, Ciosa's truest, and oldest, friend. Ciosa also gave in to his wilful daughter's demand that she be allowed to accompany him - she was around three or four at the time. It was at this time that Nikolf wrote his journal entry recording that Ciosa appeared "like the son of Hanranns", with "energy radiating from his handsome features" - this was "the youthful demi-god of Glandor, strong and self-sufficient, and, so it seemed, immortal. The idea that such a well of vigour could every run dry, that such energy could ever grow tired or such youth old, was inconceivable", as Nikolf writes in one entry believed to be about halfway through the legendary voyage of the exiles. Not a note of this wistfulness touched the proceedings, and Ciosa embraced and saluted his godfather on the gangplank before boarding and waving to the people of Glandor.

All this ,wife and daughter on the ship though they should not be there‘ and the explanation, that women had to be on the ship to please Meanra sounds a bit constructed. Why not just say, that on voyage which were expected to take about a year or so, it was custom, that the women were aboard? That the upper classes could bring their wives and families without the  obligation to work, where the sailors had to be married to female sailors or cooks or other workers needed on board of a ship. Sounds more naturally to me.

Difficulties - However, things began to go wrong almost from the start. Separated from the Fijor Skull by a storm, Ciosa's ship was further thrown into chaos by the birth of the captain's third child. A boy, named Thorgeir, was the latest scion of his line, and Ciosa's life began to admit hitherto unknown stresses and strains, far beyond either those of fatherhood or of captaincy.

One could think here, that the boy's birth was responsible for all the difficulties ahead.


After sailing in their originally planned direction for the month agreed upon and finding nothing, Ciosa was urged by his crew to continue just a little further - having been at sea for so long, they wanted to find land, fresh water and food other than dead seabirds and dried biscuits. Against his better judgement, and the counsel of Nikolf, Ciosa acceded to this reasonable-sounding request, and so they continued for another two weeks before sighting land. Heading directly for it, the six-score sailors had hope of reaching land at last.

Maybe write, what  the purpose was exactly, not just 'exploratory', or why the sailors wanted to go ahead for another two weeks. What were they looking for, did they hope to get better rewards when finding something?

Four weeks seems not so far-reaching. I mean, if he thought, that he would be back after 8 weeks, then there would not have been the necessity to take his highly pregnant wife with him, nor his daughter. I have to look where it might be noted already, but I thought they were starting for a voyage meant to last a year.

Here it is, in the history section:
Quote
They launch one late spring around the year 11350 b.S. Their voyages are supposed to last no more than a year. After prayers and sacrificing two children to appease their Goddess of the Sea they set sail. The "Fijor Skull" returns approximately five months later. They have found some land south of them, but no gold or anything else of value. The "Svarring Joling" never returns and is considered lost at sea by the Glandorians.

Water: The First Calamity - After a short spell they alighted, and Ciosa brought the ship alongside the island. Island it can scarcely be described as; according to Nikolf's description, it was little more than a rock sticking out of the sea, smaller than the boat, with a solitary tree and three bushes growing in a forlorn patch. However, it was at least relatively dry and in the centre, at the highest point, there was a large depression filled with water. Ciosa was said to have drunk from this, and proclaimed triumphantly that it was fresh. Nikolf records what passed next:


At this there was a great shout. "Fresh water!" called the men; "Water!" called the women; and the pool was rushed by a great horde of people. Ciosa brought me a skinful from the rock, and we sat together on the edge of the island, staring out to sea. Suddenly, Ciosa swore a violent oath. "Nikolf!" he uttered sharply, "Nikolf! Is that a wave or a cloud?" Peering over the ocean - he has so much better eyesight than I - I squinted into the setting sun, and suddenly saw what he had indicated. Not a hundred paces away over to the west, there was a huge wave rising from the surface of the sea, moving swiftly towards us. Ciosa was on his feet in an instant. "Run!" he bellowed. "Everyone onto the ship - now!" The rush towards the pool stopped, reversed and poured back to the vessel in a frantic scramble not for water, but for life. Ciosa and I both leapt aboard as soon as he had shouted, and he stood on the prow urging people on. Everyone was running pell-mell for the ship, save for a round two-dozen whose thirst, not yet quenched, urged them to stay for one drink. That one drink was the undoing of them. No sooner had the last of the runners scrambled aboard than the wave was upon us. I did think for a moment that the fleetest of those who stayed might make it, but he was swept away within knots of Ciosa's grasping hand. Aboard the ship was a flurry of activity, as we struggled to keep the ship afloat in the turbulence, but at last we rode the wave and settled again. The mood, until recently so triumphant and jubilant at the discovery of water, was broken, dejected. Those who had lost friends to the wave were offered wordless comfort and those who took no part in this reflected on how brutally aware of their own mortality they had been made. Only Ciosa still stood, compassion writ on his noble but tortured face. At one side of the deck, a boy of eight rose, our cabin boy, Leif. Staring over the rail into the deeps, he swung first one leg and then the other over, and stood on the outside of the ship. When Ciosa noticed this, he moved instantly for the first time in over an hour. At once he was by the boy's side, talking to him gently. I followed more slowly, and heard Leif's reply.

"My father, sir. He - I couldn't help him." I heard no more, as Ciosa began speaking in that low, personal tone of his. I feel intensely rude when I hear what he says in that voice to any other. Those words, perhaps his greatest gift, are not for any ears other than those of the addressee. Gradually, however, Leif lost his despair, and began to look at Ciosa with something akin to worship. Eventually, Ciosa reminded him that he was on the wrong side of the rail; shamefaced, Leif scrambled back over.


What would be interessting, the philosophy of Ciosa, that what he said to the boy, you omit, what would rectify this paragraph to be narrated so extensively and not just reported with dry words....


From this time on, Leif was like another son to Ciosa, who regarded it as his duty to raise the son of his dead crewman - a sense of responsibility haunted him, and this was the first of the tragic episodes which turned the carefree and handsome young man into a haggard and weathered one, aged before his time by grief and stress.

Is not a captain responsible for all of his men? Maybe rephrase, that he took extra care of this boy. Is he important for later? If not, this nothing really noteworthy.

The Svarring Joling Lost at Sea - Unfortunately for the crew of the Svarring Joling, the next night they were surrounded by a thick fog, which made the night thick as mud and at around midnight a great wind blew up. All the crews' energies were expended on keeping the vessel afloat, and when three days later a calm morning came, the storm spent, and the impenetrable wall of fog wispy coils melting off the glasslike surface of the open sea, Ciosa realised that he had no idea where they were; no idea which way was which; and no idea how far out of their course they had been forced. The clouded sky gave no indication, and in a time when navigation by sea depended on the sun, the stars and dead reckoning, with the occasional fortunate landmark in the form of an island or a coastline, this was a blow indeed. So, choosing a direction at random, Ciosa led his crew honestly and forthrightly, but hopefully, into the unknown - home, death or glory awaited.

The Voyage Continued - None knows how long the exiles were at sea for. The diaries and ship's log kept by Nikolf are unreliable, as several pages and some say even whole tomes have been lost or rendered unreadable, and the unfamiliar skies, seas and weather precluded any accurate telling of the date or the passing of days. Some legends put this exile at over a dozen years, while some say it was scarcely more than half that: in any event, food was generally seaweed, seabirds, fish and, on the occasion that they made land on some rock, shellfish; while fresh water was a luxury gathered from the all too frequent storms and the boiling of seawater over an ever-dwindling supply of coals for the braziers.

Water Supplies - This last problem was solved by Nikolf's ready mind. While he is unwilling to sing his own praises even to his diary, he recorded this:

The water issue, over which we worried, is no longer so pressing. Ciosa asked where we were going to get fuel from, so I suggested we could burn seaweed; it works. Leif observed that certain types of seaweed, when dried, burn as well as some woods, and he is currently working out which are the best and the worst. He is also going to try bones of fish and the like.

From here it is clear that the idea was Nikolf's alone, and we can infer that he suggested Leif sort through the different types of seaweed as well, but modesty prevents him from bragging. While this modesty may be very admirable in a man, it is less so in a historical document, which is to be read by people attempting to gain an image of the truth. Nevertheless, Nikolf is a generally reliable source, and certainly the best that exists, especially for the details.

So with food - that is, fish, shellfish, seaweeds and, if one of the sailors had a lucky shot, seabirds - and water - that is, rain collected in a tarpaulin or a jar, or seawater distilled over a brazier - the exiles survived their decade 2 at sea. Little more of import occurred for most of that time: they were blown off course time without number, and Nikolf records that they often thought that they were going to die, but the sheer determination of Ciosa's will kept the vessel under control and riding the waves.

I don‘t know, if this works or if you not have to write some history, invent some, eventually change some. This might need some discussion though.

1. I don‘t think, that people would really survive 10 years on sea. Even if you had seeweed which exists on high sea as well. So far wikipedia tells me, that seaweed inhabits the littoral zone, more or less near a coast (extending several miles).  I might be wrong here and we have a Santharian variety which he could have used. But, people go crazy if they are not adapted or used to such a life.

Then look at the map. The history text says, he was blown way out to sea. But, to get shipwrecked at the present Ciosa, they needed to get past Denilou, Isles of Quios and the Islands of Dorantatkar. And never saw land.


The Glandorians were skilled seafarers - and they have not managed to read the stars in ten years, where the stars, though they move randomly, fall in place every year to form a constellation? (every month another star constellation falls in place) There are fixed stars on the sky also, guiding stars for sailors. Skilled sailors also can determine their position with the help of the sun and those fixed stars. So, in ten years I would assume, they would have found a way to get home - with an intact ship.

What I propose here, find a reason, why they didn‘t want or could not try to go home after a certain time. Why they were driven from coast to coast, until they needed to settle down, because their ship broke. Why didn‘t they try to find back to their roots later, after 50, after 100 years?


Athviaro, write history! Not necessarily in this entry, but maybe later? But of course you would need the true reason now, mention it in a short paragraph.  If you are convincing, the few sentences which are already written about Glandorian history are easily changed.



Heiana's Death: The Second Calamity - Tragically, about five years into the journey - although some who believe the voyage lasted only half a dozen years say it was less - Heiana died of an illness. Nikolf records the symptoms, which are indicative of severe scurfy. Ciosa grieved greatly, and withdrew for several days into his cabin, so the legends say. When he emerged, he was tired and careworn, but fiercely protective of his position at the tiller, often going nights without sleep; Nikolf records that

I am greatly worried by the change that has come over my friend. He stands at the helm all day and all night, he never sleeps. I believe he is fleeing the nightmares and the visions that come to his as he closes his eyes, the horror of gentle rest - yet only gentle rest may cure him. He must not contain this grief, allowing it to fester in the open wound in his heart, but rather must pour it out, open it to the world, and let the fresh air of day cleanse it from his hurt. Yet I am - I, his oldest friend - I am rebuffed when I approach him. I can neither comfort nor succour him in his anguish, instead finding myself forced to allow him to mourn as he sees best. Yet I do hope that his powerful nature will win through his demons, for it is upon his determination that the fate of this ship rests. If he is lost, we are all lost.


That‘s good, short, and gives us a glimse of Ciosa.

Ciosa never told anyone what he thought during those long days alone; or if he did, none ever ers. entrusted these thoughts to the page or the bards. However, it is clear that the burden upon his shoulders was great and grew greater with each passing day. Raising three children on his own, in addition to a boy who was like a son to him, was quite enough for him, and captaining a boat was almost a responsibility too far. But Ciosa was one of that rare breed of men who do not crumple at trials beyond all human comprehension and merely endure whatsoever befall them. A father to his men and women, a stalwart pillar, Ciosa's ethic did not allow the cracks in his personal life to mar his duty; rather, he was quieter, less carefree, but always a pillar of support to those in need, never hesitating to lend his strength to another even when his well was running dry in those dark days after his wife's death.

Pirates: The Third Calamity - While lesser in scope than either the death of his wife or several of his men, this event scarred Ciosa deeply. A sudden dawn attack by pirates is said to have occurred at some point after his wife's death; while these things were not uncommon, and the longest legends report several attacks, this one is mentioned in almost all tales off the exile and had a lasting impact on Ciosa's already damaged psyche.

His daughter, Heia, named after his wife's mother, was up in the rigging - against her father's express instructions - and called out suddenly to the world at large. "Boat!" she called. "Boat!" The lookout turned his head instantly and swore. "Pirates!"

In an instant, the ship was alive. Ciosa dashed from the prow to seize his weapon - his preference is most often said to be for an axe of some description - and gather his combatant crewmembers. The pirate ship was soon upon them, and Ciosa's determined leadership allowed his men to repel the boarding and then board themselves, ransacking the smaller boat and taking anything useful or flammable - without a single casualty.

Or so they thought. As they returned to their ship, Ciosa stopped dead. Kneeling in the centre of the deck was Nikolf, next to the prone form of a pirate and that of Heia. A bloody blade lay on the blood-soaked planks, and Nikolf was weeping gently. As Ciosa approached, his oldest friend raised his head and choked out the full story. The pirate, seeing the massacre taking place, had clearly crept around, perhaps leaping the gap at one end. As Nikolf - who was utterly incapable, in normal circumstances, of being a man of action - had looked across the deck, away from the fight, he had seen the pirate climb the rigging to where Heia looked at the battle in innocence. Cruelly, he had killed her to prevent his being noticed, but Nikolf had seen and Nikolf had seen that red skull of which the Glandorian legends speak - the one that enables men to fight on when covered in wounds, even when a dozen of which are mortal of themselves, and kill all who oppose them. Snatching a blade from where it leant neatly against the wall, he had run across the deck.

I don‘t get, why Nikolf was utterly incapable.... This story is much to detailed and personal, would be good to have this in a way, one could put it in italics also.

"So you stabbed him." Ciosa is reported to have interpolated. But it appears not. Nikolf certainly intended to do so, but as he climbed the rigging with murder in his eyes and vengeance in his heart, he dropped the blade within just a cable of the pirate. However, his fury brooked no delay; he had seized the man and, wrapping a loop of rigging around his neck, throttled him. Letting the body drop, he retraced his climb and began to stab at the corpse. His diaries record that "on no account was [he] going to let the foul beast get away with a strangling" as "he took the sword; thus he must taste it in death", and this uncharacteristic brutality and violent force showed how deeply Nikolf cared for the daughter of his friend.

It is not really of interest for the lifestory of Ciosa, how this pirate died. --> booklet

Despite Nikolf's rough justice, Ciosa's daughter was dead. The pirate's body was cast overboard and in a final act of vengeance, Ciosa ordered the by now empty shell of the pirates' vessel to be burnt.

What else should he have done with it?

Arrival - After many years at sea, Ciosa's lookout spotted land. At first, no notice was taken, but as the ship moved onwards across the sea, he called down that this was no mere rocky peak, or five-cord isle, but rather a large island - he couldn't see the other side, as he should have been able to do were it as pathetic a place as they had come across before. Suddenly, an almost-dead hope began to rekindle in the breasts of Ciosa's followers. Land! After so long, land! Recklessly, they made straight for it.

This recklessness was to lead them into trouble; they travelled at full speed, running before the wind, for most of the night until, approximately an hour before dawn, as the pale grey spread across the sky and the first flecks of pink teased the horizon, the ship stopped with a sudden jolt. Looking overboard, peering through the fog, one of the crewmen announced that they had hit a reef, which poked above the water here and there. The boat was not badly damaged, but she was well and truly stuck.

Ciosa conferred with Nikolf and they are reported to have crossed the reef at dawn. They came just a little on the wrong side of the low tide, and so they found in a difficult journey, but Ciosa's hunch and Nikolf's hope was proved correct; the reef connected to the land - they had a means of reaching true land after all. Overjoyed they returned to the ship and ordered that everything of use be gathered and packed; and the next morning, this time perfectly in line with the tide, they crossed. Many legends attribute Ciosa a heroic personal rôle in this, swimming to shore with a raft carrying a large amount of useful supplies, but it is unknown whether he actually did; the page from Nikolf's diary is blurred by water beyond legibility.
Quote
Scuttling the damaged and sinking ship for supplies the group of explorers, men, women and children born at sea found and build a small settlement for themselves.
main history

I always had the impression, that the Glandorians were forced to stay there, reading your words, one could mean, that they decided deliberately to stay there - the ship was stuck, but maybe could have brought to sail again by a high tide. .

Be these events as they may, the Glandorians were landed at last, and Ciosa's determination would be needed more than ever to carve out their niche and leave an indelible stamp on the region even after the kingdom which sprang from them had gone.

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« Reply #20 on: 14 February 2011, 07:44:36 »

Quick things

First, I explain why they continue sailing - land, fresh water, fresh food.

Second, the "10 years" is an approximation. I may add "for convenience".

Third, I was not clear about the fact that the ship was unusable - I envisaged a sort of "slow" sinking - caught on rocks, not going to sink today but not movable, and certainly going to be gone by the day after tomorrow.

Ath.

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« Reply #21 on: 14 February 2011, 08:18:40 »

Kind of like what happened to Garion and friends in King of the Murgos, perhaps? I'm talking about the incident when their ship ran into reefs, and due to the incompetence of the ship's crew, the rudder/keel/whatever was broken off. Garion and friends had the time to get their horses off, and some of them went back to get provisions (after dealing with the Murgo crew, and convincing them to play somewhere else) ... the ship was sinking slowly, and was gone either the next day or the day after.

I see the slow sinking of the ship happening in the way you describe it Athviaro.
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« Reply #22 on: 14 February 2011, 16:36:04 »

Sort of, yes. Like a less violent version of when they first hit the rocks, perhaps; the ship is breaking up.

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« Reply #23 on: 15 February 2011, 04:30:48 »

Well, I need some time to get through all this, but it's good to see such a detailed entry on a very important historical figure.

So, a few comments as I go along - though I see you've got a bunch of comments already to work through. So just a few small things for now:

- I wondered about the name "Ciosa", which is a bit unusual if we look at other secondary Avennorian/Glandorian names (see here). And you say that everybody just called him "Ciosa". Made me think.

So, wild idea here, specially because you're also venturing a bit into the Glandorian tongue, you might perhaps consider giving him a proper second name that is very typical for a Glandorian, and make "Ciosa" his nickname (just like Gods e.g. also have just one name, representing a principle etc.), perhaps meanings something like "leader, "courage" (could even be a composed name), and eventually he ended up with this nickname as his real name, because he has earned it. That way we would further stress his Glandorian roots. And it's always nice to add a little twist and dig a little deeper :)

- "...as nearly as the Compendium has been able to calculate the old Glandorian measurements..." doesn't sound proper English to me.

- You write: "My personal opinion". Be aware that if you read lexica or encyclopaedias you won't find references to the writer himself in an entry, because they are written from an objective point of view. Use "It is said/believed", "rumour has it", "sources suggest" etc. instead to give an entry a more objective appearance.

- "Hanranns was the male of the two Glandorian deities" - so are there no Glandorians anymore? Methinks there still are...
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« Reply #24 on: 15 February 2011, 05:59:06 »

Art,

The old Glandorian religion no longer exists. They follow the Kanapan faith now.

I suppose "Ciosa" could be a nickname...In which case Nikolf's translated diary entries will still use Ciosa to avoid confusion.

"as nearly as the Compendium has been able to calculate the old Glandorian measurements" sounds fine to me. Valan? Cruciform?

Edits are being made as I type (well, not literally)

Ath.
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« Reply #25 on: 15 February 2011, 06:23:55 »

There's nothing wrong with the phrase.
To word it differently "as accurately as the Compendium has been able to calculate the old Glandorian measurements"
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« Reply #26 on: 15 February 2011, 06:30:18 »

I also have no problems with that phrase :)
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« Reply #27 on: 15 February 2011, 06:52:23 »

LAST PART

The Founding of a Kingdom

The Early Years (ca. 11340 b.S. - ca. 11335 b.S.) - Over the first five or so years, the initial camp of the Glandorian settlers is believed to have expanded - first to a wooden fort and then to a town of sorts, as the population also experienced a sharp rise.


I think now it would be time, to think about how many people were on this ship, how many survived, how many where born and survived under the hard conditions (not many, I suppose) how many women were among them, and how many of those women were still young enough to bear children. Is it possible, that the population experienced a sharp rise in the first five years? Let‘s calculate a bit:

I assume now, that there were 100 persons on that ship when it arrived, less women than men, maybe 70 men, 25 women, 5 children? (I assume now, that it was not too common in the Glandorian life to get out to sea for a woman, otherwise we would need to change the numbers)

From these 25 women not more than 15, probably less are able to bear still children (age, hard work). They were, say 18 or older, when they started their voyage, then they are now 28 or older.
Every one of that 15 woman now tries to get pregnant.
1 is not fertil or does not match with her husband or has other problems
14 get pregnant in the first year, but as every third pregnacy fails, only 10 baybies are born. These mothers get a second child after two years --> 20 children
Those 4 who miscarried, try it later and get their babies a year (or three later) only three are successful - another six babies over the next 3 years.

A third of all children don‘t see their first or second year, that means, only about 16 survive and can be added to the total number of inhabitants of your village. Some people have died meanwhile, so as a rough estimate, the population has increased about ten percent. But these are not persons who can help to run the community, but need a lot of care! And that example only works, if all woman were willing to get pregnant in a time when a lot of uncertainty was lying ahead.


Maybe do some research how many sailors were on exploration ships in the middle ages or a bit later. Those huge Chinese ambassador ships (4000 people?) are not a good example though!
[/color]




 Ciosa's inspirational leadership and determination to conquer the odds, coupled with Nikolf's considerably sharper mind, whose coolness tempered Ciosa's rash tendencies, kept morale high even in the midst of an unknown land, bare of all that was familiar or comforting. Of course, the contrast with the ship is not worth drawing. This takes Ciosa to thirty five years of age by the end of this period, but aged by his woes and his tribulations. In this time his sons grew to the ages of around twenty - for Asgeir - and fifteen or so - for Thorgeir. As his father had, Thorgeir around this time became enamoured of a girl his own age; she returned his feelings and, with Ciosa's blessing given with more than a little reminiscing, they were married - according to Nikolf, on Thorgeir's birthday.

Asgeir, at this time, was unwed, and showed no desire to marry. He had been very close to his younger sister, regarding himself as her protector, and was absolutely devastated by her death; some say that he blamed himself, in a perverse way, for allowing her to be on deck at the time. He had taken Nikolf's lessons well, and seemed more like his father's friend than his father.

The Darians - the First Meetings (ca. 11335 b.S.) - At the end of the early years of limited expansion and consolidation, Ciosa and Nikolf felt comfortable enough in their society to send out scouting parties further afield, and attempt to explore the rest of the island - as they thought. One of these parties, headed north-west, returned after a month or so of travel to report the existence of other men, who lived by the base of a huge mountain range, almost certainly the Caeytharin Mountains - although these are only a few furlays from the fort where the Ciosans lived, the scouting party were moving by foot through completely untended wilderness, and so took much longer than a man on horseback would now, were he to retrace their steps. They were also much more exploratory than most travellers - examining the trees and the geography so that they might make accurate report.

So no helping hand and support of the Darian when the Glandorians shipwrecked? But we have that ,fact‘ already on the site *smirks*

Quote
THE ERA OF SUNDERING
(YEARS 11.900 B.S. - 10.000 B.S.)
11340 b.S. Darians eat 'decomposed' Milk
In the well-known "Report about the Founding of Ciosa" the Darians, the tribe which already lived in the lands which the Glandorians would later conquer, are often mentioned. They help the shipwrecked to get their town built. When several of these helpers become ill at the same time, complaining about pains in the stomach, the scribe not only mentions the delay of the building efforts due to the illness, but offers an explanation as well:

"These workers are fond of eating foul milk which has decomposed already into two parts: a strange white sticky mass and some muddy whitish water. But not only that, they process this stuff further - they let it sit for several months or even years! They call the resulting brown reeking balls 'Chiss', and cut them up to eat, quite often with tuberroots. No wonder they get a stomach ache!"

This might well be the first mentioning of curd cheese and certainly is the first mention of an aged cheese such as Brownieface (see above).

Other reports tell that for the first decades cheese is not eaten by the Glandorians for they associate it with the Darian - a tribe which they are about to subjugate. "Cheese makes weak knees!" is a common saying. However, the cheese is in the end victorious, maybe because sweet curd wins the heart of the Glandorian children, especially that of Thorgeir's son Ciosaskun, the grandchild of Troi Ciosa. He makes cheese presentable and from then on the resistance of the Glandorians melts away, only a few of the old 'pure' family resist.
Cheese entry, this scribe could have been your Nikolf

The Glandorians were very scornful of the Darians - the "primitive" tribes carried no weapons and had no military structure; rather, they were simple, almost round-faced folk with very little in the way of anything beyond a farming existence, although they were very kind and helpful - perhaps too trusting.

Now, here speaks the Glandorian, not the neutral compendiumist (if there is such a thing), the „ „ do not help much. You can leave it as it is, but add a „because in there eyes“, they were very primitive, because they carried no weapons worth mentioning.


Just to clear this up: Just because the Darian do not have swords - weapons designed to kill other human beings, they do not carry „no weapons“. They have their knives, axes and bows, even women. All they need for their daily life and to defend them agains a still wild world around them, though there are farms all over the land. They are not in any way primitive. They may not be able to build a huge ship which is able to sail around the world, but there are other means to define a civilisation ;) They were most surely as cultivated as the Glandorians. That the Glandorians  did not see this, is another thing.


However, since they lived such a considerable distance - for the time: the Avennorian kingdom did not yet reach from the east coast to the west (and not for a very long time, that is!)- from the Glandorian settlement that they were regarded as very low down on the list of priorities. However, this meeting was a milestone for the Glandorian settlers under Ciosa, for they had learnt that this was not a large island that ended soon, but stretched for many more times the distance to the Darians in most directions.

Founding of a Kingdom - I think, that is a bit too high spoken. When Ciosa died, the Glandorians can not have expanded much more than, say , a days ride, they had not really left their first settlement apart from exploring. I think, they mostly lived from the sea, build some smaller ships for fishing, for that is something they knew how to do. A little farming might have taken place, where the land allowed it. More probably I think was a first trade for grain with the Darian and milk products (see cheese entry). But that‘s not important for your person‘s entry, I have to think about it when I finish the Darian.

 Maybe more ... Laying the foundations of a future kingdom? Or one of the cornerstones? But maybe even this is too highaimed. Maybe it is more the seed of a future kingdom?



Asgeir's Marriage (ca. 11330 b.S.) - Around five years later, at the relatively late age of five-and-twenty years, Asgeir married. He didn't marry so much for love as to please his father, it is believed, and by this time it was already clear that the succession would in all probability fall to Thorgeir, his younger brother. Nikolf wrote of how Thorgeir reminded him of Ciosa as a child - "impulsive, carefree, loyal and openhearted, yet with the same touch of steel that means he and Ciosa can lead where neither I nor - I fear - Asgeir could".

The name of Asgeir's wife varies; some say she was called Hjale - sometimes written Hjalen, others claim that she was known as Hjamtha - sometimes Jamtha. She bore him a son, who was as unlike his father as possible - he resembled his grandfather more than anything, and had a very close bond, so it is said, with his uncle Thorgeir. Some claim that she was a Darian, and there would seem to be evidence to support this view. If so, this was a large step by the son of Ciosa towards closer relations with the Darians; the first, it is believed, of many such marrigaes, due to the disproportionately small number of Glandorian women on the expedition.

Did Asgeir marry a Darian to please is father? Then Ciosa must have had a better opinion about the Darian than the rest. Or did he do it out of political calcule? Well, a love story would please me more :D  I need to think about the name of the wife, don't know how to solve the language problem yet.

Expansion of Ciosa (ca. 11330 b.S. to ca. 11325 b.S.) - The village around the fort of the Ciosans was expanded into a small town, and the children born after the arrival reached their fifteenth season. Ciosa became very inward-looking over this period, spending long periods contemplating his life and his problems. However, he never stopped leading from the front; often, especially towards the end of these years, he would leave on the long scouting and exploration trips with his men - as the camp became more and more permanent and mundane, his spirit of venture pulled him more and more firmly from his everyday tasks into the unknown, to conquer as he had in his youth. Aged nearly half a century, he was no longer a young man, but was yet strong and determined, and the spark still glinted in his eyes, the spark of which Nikolf waxes lyrical - that lit his way over the seas and into history.

Thorgeir is Named Heir (ca. 11325 b.S.) - In this year, on one of his now rare extended stays in the city, Ciosa convened all of the Ciosans and said to them, in words which Nikolf recorded - he claims faithfully - that the time had come for him to choose an heir.

"I realise that I have put off this moment, in which I must finally name one to take my place when I do not return, as I may soon fail to do, and so I have considered it hard. My elder son, Asgeir, has spoken to me, as has my eldest friend Nikolf, and I have decided on my heir.

"But first, I must say that you who now call yourselves Ciosans, and flatter me by doing so, must change your name; for when I am gone, will Ciosan not be a label for one who dwells in what was, rather than what is? Nor shall we be Glandorians, for no more do we inhabit that nation. Only these two stipulations do I make.


That good! I would even stress this a bit more. Let him say, that they need a new name to  look forward and not back or in this direction, you know how to express this better than I do!

"And so, I call upon my heir to choose for you a new name, that will signify what you are and will become, and be not so transitory as to be an unsuitable label when I or any man is gone. Thorgeir, choose them a name!" At this Thorgeir was startled, and looked mute at his father and brother; however, being a true son of my true friend, he soon recovered. Looking over the people, half shocked and half worshipful, he considered; and suddenly, only one name seemed suitable, as he said afterwards to me.

"Av'ennors [the ones who have arrived]" he said. "If these are to be my people, we shall bear the name of Av'ennors; thus will we remember and honour our roots while staying true to our destination, though none of us know it." The crowd loved him: the children hung on his every word, seeing here a demigod; the parents, the older ones amongst us, saw in him a reflection of his father. I know not which appeared the greater.

That is really good told. But, somehow I think there has to be more to this name. Somebody who arrives somewhere has set out to seek something, had a goal where he wanted to arrive, but what was that, that they had been seeking?


First Trade with Darians (ca. 11325 b.S.)
- Although neither had moved significantly closer to the other since the first meetings, Ciosan - or rather, Av'ennor3 ?- explorers began to trade with Darian villagers for food and knowledge, bringing back information on how to cultivate the soil to best advantage and enlarging their range. Despite this, and their comparative lack of stature, the militaristic Av'ennors, being of Glandorian descent, always regarded the in their eyes moon-faced, soft-bodied Darians as inferior.

As compediumist you could very well think about, if perhaps the Glandorians had an  inferiority  feeling towards the Darian, because they were much taller, beautifully build, good looking, even stronger in many aspects! To not feel lower, they turned it around and "looked down apon them ", just because they could not wield a sword and were not as aggressiv as they were.

I fear, we need more Glandorians somehow so that the subjugation works.

 
Over time, the trade levels rose, but roads allowing large-scale transport of goods were not built until after Ciosa's death, and so levels were kept within bounds.

Ciosa's Death (ca. 11320 b.S.) - Around this year, at an age of half-a-century, Ciosa was on a far-ranging expedition on Mount Evermourn when his aged legs could no longer support him. All the men with him were young, the oldest being Leif, his erstwhile cabin boy, who was still over a decade younger than his leader. None of the men ever described the events of that day in written form, though tales abound about what happened. All that is known about this singular and, for all who knew him, earthshaking event is that he died at some time between that evening and the next morning, whether he fell, as some would have it, or merely slipped, or just could not keep his body going in the cold, demanding conditions; it is a matter of general consensus that when the sun rose the next day, he was dead.

The men of his expedition carried him to the base of the mountain that morning, in the cold morning light, and laid him to rest in a cave. Old, uninhabited, and hewn by elemental forces from the rock itself, it was the perfect place for a man whose determination could level any obstacle, any objection. This mountaineer's funeral seems strangely appropriate for such a one.

And here ends the tale of the life of Troi Ciosa, bastard son of a Lord, Glandorian naval captain, but ultimately, and most importantly, the man of iron will who founded a nation.

A Brief Summary

11370 b.S. - Ciosa born. (0)
11360 b.S. - Ciosa saves Heiana's life (10)
11355 b.S. - Ciosa and Heiana meet once more. Later that year they are married (15)
11350 b.S. - Ciosa leaves. His first large command. Takes his son, his daughter and his pregnant wife (20)
11340 b.S. - Ciosa reaches Manthria, (30)
11335 b.S. - First meeting with Darians (35)
11320 b.S. - Ciosa dies (50)

Importance
It is almost impossible to overstate Ciosa's importance, or his impact on the region which he through fortitude was to win for himself and his descendants. His impact is not only in terms of the Avennorians, who of course would not have existed without his being, but also, according to Compendium researcher Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels, on the development of the Shendar tribe; as the Av'ennors forced the Darians out of their land, those who went south are the ancestors of today's Shendar.

Thus, we can account to Ciosa all of the influence of the Avennorians from his time to the first century b.S. and the forming of the United Kingdoms; yet even now, the Avennorian psyche exists, and the impact of that people is felt upon the world. In a very real way, Ciosa is one of the most important figures of history in terms of his influence on its very shaping. The Tethinrhim elves would likely not have formed their Academy of Archery were it not for the wars they waged against the descendants of this man; the Shendar tribe would not have developed as it has today - perhaps at all - were it not for the driving out of the Darian tribes by the second and third generations of Av'ennors; and the Santharian Kingdom would almost certainly have developed differently if there had been a power vacuum in the areas of Manthria and Brendolan.
Fine!  thumbup

Footnotes

1Hanranns was the male of the two Glandorian deities, with dominion over "the Land, and the Breath of the Land which is language and the Gift of the Land which is strength" - his sister was Meanra, mistress of "the Sea, and the Breath of the Sea which is wind and the Gift of the Sea which is life".

2 An approximation, of course, based on the rough starting date of 11350 b.S. and rough arrival date of 11340 b.S.

3 Later, when the Glandorian tongue was lost, this was to be corrupted to "Av'ennorian", then to "Avennorian" and so the name "Avennoria" was formed.


I commented and complained a lot, dear Ath, but this is already now a fine submission and once you have followed my advice, it will be superb ;)  grin


No spellcheck, it is too complicated with all this text which is not from me, and the build in spellchecker does ot properly work with long texts.

Ath, I can't come back till late next week, for I'm away for a few days and have then my mother staying with me, so you have time to do all thoroughly and get warm with my proposals ! ;)
« Last Edit: 15 February 2011, 06:54:16 by Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels » Logged

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« Reply #28 on: 09 March 2011, 04:51:19 »

Still making changes on this one, Ath? Let me know when you're ready!
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« Reply #29 on: 09 March 2011, 06:35:35 »

GCSE orals, written courseworks, mocks are taxing my time a bit a lot, so I will not be making edits in the next couple of days (read: at least a week), in all probability, and possibly not after that. I'll be free of exams some point in the summer term, but hopefully I can get to this before then. There is some extensive work to be done, it seems.
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