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Author Topic: The Ice Sea Silvertail  (Read 11053 times)
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Elron Sylver
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« on: 24 September 2011, 08:25:36 »

  Umm... I lost the file, When its found I'll update this!
« Last Edit: 24 May 2013, 04:47:29 by Elron Sylver » Logged

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Kareesh Valendar
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« Reply #1 on: 24 September 2011, 15:01:29 »

Hello, Elron Sylver. Welcome to Santharia. I pop in from time to time, so you may catch me occasionally.

Just a couple of quick comments of things which should be worked on:

1) Do a complete grammar and spelling check. I dunno if English is your first language or not, but my suggestion is to read it outloud exactly what you have on the page and see if it makes sense. There were several sentences which I read in your entry which I stumbled over. So back and re-read it.

2) This kinda goes along with the whole grammar/spelling thing, but make sure you're using correct punctuation and capitalizing proper nouns and the like.

Now, since I don't do a whole lot of entries, this last suggestion will have to be double-checked by a more senior member, but there seems to be a lot of speculation on these fish. I mean, I understand that they're very rare, but are they so rare that no one in all of Caelereth knows anything about them?

Even if nothing is known for certain, surely there can be some legends or something that had some kind of information.

Again, that'll have to be double-checked by someone who knows more than me. :)


Also, just a random note, I would advice against having a place where you ask questions. At least, one post that you would edit. Those don't show up on side bar, so unless someone was watching the topic, they wouldn't notice that you had posted something new. Does that make sense?

Anywho, these look to be very nice fish. One last thing would be I would see if you could flesh them out a bit more. Details are nice, but don't feel like you have to go overboard.

Hope that helps. Feel free to ask any questions you may have. :)
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Elron Sylver
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« Reply #2 on: 24 September 2011, 23:08:40 »

thanks for the advice, i working on the appearance and a legend or two.
one reason i didnt go into more specific behavior was unfounded and im working on changes. (im in the middle of changes in appearance so please wait to comment that it seems unfinished. anyway thanks
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« Reply #3 on: 25 September 2011, 01:11:12 »

If you're still working on it, then make sure you have the pencil icon up. :)
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Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #4 on: 25 September 2011, 23:52:57 »

Edits in amaryllis, Comments in muslin

The Icelandic Silvertail  (I know the term Icelandic is not something I use, by choice, as I don't want to draw comparisons to Terran locales.  Don't know how Talia feels about this, and as she has reserved the Wicker Isles to develop, you might want to check on it.  A quick confirmation by a site search shows only 1 entry (an Overview, even, and not a specific entry) that uses that term, so it might not just be me that avoids that term, consciously.  This applies to each use.  If Talia is fine with it, I won't oppose it, like I said, I just avoid it on purpose in order to be more Santharized :))
Space
Overview
 The Icelandic Silvertail, also known as the Silverfish by the icelandic locals, is vary rare today as it is a big fishing target of the wicker isles (Wicker Isles) near the Icelandic coast (Correct term is Icelands Coast), some rules have been installed to stop the decrease in numbers, yet the locals catch them for their scales and as an adition addition to their suppers. The Silvertails prefer the colder waters of the Icelandic Icelands area, but can be found in other areas (Talk to Talia will become a common theme here in my comments, so Please bear with me.  I know that if it were me (and unless you specify that they are ONLY found within the water just offshore the Wickers, in which I will ask for reasons, it will fall onto me as Ice Tribe developer) I would say that lacking any real way to accurately keep track of fish populations, coupled with the harshness of the environment, that Ice Tribes would be less concerned with eco conservation than with filling their bellies.  If we were talking elves, I might agree this would be acceptable, but I'm not so sure with humans, especially uncivilized humans.  It is fully acceptable to write that the catches in recent years have decreased, and postulate that it is because of over fishing, but I would state that any Ice Tribe living on the coast would only double their efforts to catch the fish.  Talia might disagree with me, as her Himiko are not fashioned after the Ice Tribe template, as such.)
Space
Apearance
 The Silvertail is 3-4 peds in length, and ways weighs between 2-3 fores in weight. (Fores is a measure of length, not weight.  I would confirm that you want these fish to be 3-4 meters in length?  This is fine, I'm just confirming) The head of the Silvertail is silver in color and takes up 2 handsbreath of the total length of the fish.
 Located half a palmspan behind the head is a hole the size of a Santharian san, the Silvertail uses this to go to the surface to breath, it does this roughly 20 times a day.
 The silvertail has scales half a palmspan in length  (Details.  The head is silver in colour, as is the tail (I'm assuming) but is the body?  Does the colour vary from top to bottom, from head to tail?  Eyecolour?  Any mottling, striations or anything?  Where are the eyes located; near the front or rear of the head?  Is the mouth sucker like or filled with teeth?  Located at the tip of the head, or below?  Paint us a picture of this fine fish, as few of us will ever get a chance to see one, other than those of us lucky enough to be born Northerners :) )

Special Abbilities (Abilities)
The silvertail uses wasnt known to have any uncommon traits until a fisherman put one in a bib barrel (Do Ice Tribes have bib barrels?  Not sure about Himiko, but those on the Icelands Coast would not.  Saving rainwater in a place where ice and snow is abundant would not be a priority.  Getting fresh water would not be a problem), he then attempted to feed it leeding leading to the knowlege knowledge that the silvertail uses its keen sight to spot the prey it then pulls back 9 or 10 peds and then blows through the water like lightning striking the prey with its long teeth after forming a good size hole it stikes its tube shaped tongue and using the hole sprays an acidic material liquidizing the clam and then drinking the mussle.  mussel (Bit of a run on and confusing sentence, might want to break it into two sentences and clarify your thoughts.) It has been stated that the silvertail may use this in defensive uses (How?)  (Does the Silvertail eat other fish?  If it relies on eating clams, I'm not sure why it would need to attack with lightning speed, as clams are not exactly known for their speedy getaways.  Something eating clams would need to be built less for speed than for strength in order to get through the shell.  Though, I like the fact that they eat clams and like how they disolve the clam in its shell then suck it out.  That is quite good :))

Territory
 The Silvertail lives in the Icelandic ocean (The waters around the Icelands Coast and Wicker Isles is the Ice Sea) around the Wicker Isles, one reason being their feeding seems to mostly come from ternirary cove and three island bay (Ternirary Cove and Three Island Bay), btu (but) there have been many sightings in Cyhalloi and Akdor

Behavior
 The behavior of this fish isn't widely known, exept they travel in groups of 7-12, and live in very defensive protection against predators otherwise everything is myth or guesswork because of their underwater lifestyles.  (I think we need to rephrase this somewhat.  It is a confusing sentence. :)  And, can we elaborate on their behaviour?  I realize some of it would be speculation, but you could state that beforehand.  You have their eating methods detailed, so someone has studied them.)

Diet
 It is speculated that they use their teeth to break the shells of clams and use thier tubelike tongues to spray an acid (aceed; its a Santh term) like substance to liquidize and then slirp up the mussle (slurp up the mussel)  inside and saving the shell for a special use. They are said to eat 20-45 clams a day the females eat twice as much during the mating seasons.

Reproduction
 Again because of their underwater life not much is known about the mating and reproduction of the silvertail, but we have found clams that have the muscle inside eaten out and silvertail eggs in place. one speculation is that all silvertail migrate to Ternirary cove to mate and raise their young,another is that they mate in deep waters and sometimes the tide brings the muscles to the cove, either way the only clam/egg findings have been ternirary cove.

Origin
 The silvertails origins aren't known besides mentions in varius fishing myths and stories, we have speculated a trace to other fish races wich have similarities to the silvertail. (This is the area that you can write some of those myths and stories :))

Usages
 The silvertails scales have been prized as jewelry on crowns and necklaces and even mages staffs (AAAAAH!!! shocked  Mages?  In the Icelands Coast?  You have not read enough history, my fiend.  Unless the Himiko have them (in which case, my Ice Tribes will be launching a full scale invasion evil)  Even knowing that some southern tribe used them for that specific purpose would preclude trade.  Ice Tribe Lanruls don't wear crowns, but necklaces work, and other jewellry and adornment would be fine), yet their tail when boilled in water and then wiped on a cut eases the pain for several hours, this paste was used in years past for home usages. It is also used for food perposes purposes by the Icelandic population,  (I like that medicinal usage.  Great idea.  Though, is it only the tail?  If so, write that, and maybe speculate why that is.)



Overall, a fine addition to the fish population.  You need to go through it and clean up the sentences and spelling.  If English is not your native language, feel free to ask for help.  There are some very good writers here who can help get your ideas across. 

Details.  Remember, we can't see what you see in your imagination.  You need to transfer as much of it from the grey matter to the entry.  And in details comes research.  Read as much as you can about the area you are trying to develop in.
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Elron Sylver
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« Reply #5 on: 26 September 2011, 00:48:51 »

Thank you, first about my spelling i didnt pay close attention yet to focus first on the main writing, the appearance isnt finished yet,  thank you for the santharian terms i thought there might be some i could use, as to the fish being built for strength instead of speed
« Last Edit: 26 September 2011, 01:53:11 by elron sylver » Logged

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Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
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« Reply #6 on: 26 September 2011, 01:07:03 »

Hi Elron,

And a belated welcome to Santharia from me, too!

I just wanted to drop by to say that I agree with Altario that it might be better not to use the word 'icelandic', as that's the adjective used to refer to Iceland on Earth.

If you haven't already, have a look at this map: The Icelands Coast. There you see that the coast is called the "Icelands Coast" (not 'icelandic coast'). And the sea in which your fish is found is called the Ice Sea (as Altario also notes).

So one way of avoiding the word 'icelandic' would be to call your fish the "Ice Sea Silvertail". Just an idea.

Anyway, good luck and have fun with the writing!

Shabakuk
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Elron Sylver
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« Reply #7 on: 26 September 2011, 01:32:37 »

 Thanks for the welcome and advice making changes.

Color code: Yellow=my own adjustments
                Green=spelling   
                Red=adjustments through commenters ideas
« Last Edit: 26 September 2011, 01:42:25 by elron sylver » Logged

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« Reply #8 on: 26 September 2011, 11:25:51 »

Great start!
Whenever I read a description I imagine in my mind how I would draw or paint it. Altario already provided some pointers here but here are the questions I would have if I were to paint this fish.

 I like that this is an airbreather.  I am assuming the hole is on top of the head like a whale.  Is the tail verticle like a normal fish or is it horizontal like a whale.  I think it would be neat if it is like a fish.  In real life all water mamals have horizontal tails and it would be nice to do something different.

Also would be good to describe the rest of the fins. I am assuming the fish has side fins, maybe some sort of a dorsal fin.  I am assuming these fins (if they exist) are also silver. 

Otherwise seems like a basic fish, maybe like a real life Tarpon (except with a hole on the top).  At least that is what I imagine in my mind.  If you don't want it to be similar to a Tarpon all you need to do is describe its uniqueness with more detail.
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Elron Sylver
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« Reply #9 on: 27 September 2011, 09:45:36 »

your assumptions are correct about its breather similiar to a whales, and the tail is vertical, I also thought that would be an interesting change.
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« Reply #10 on: 28 September 2011, 21:58:12 »

ok ready for more comments
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Rayne (Alýr)
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« Reply #11 on: 28 September 2011, 23:10:10 »

Hello Elron! A nice fish you have here. Just a few things of note:

1) Proof Reading
It may be good to give this a read through for mistakes, particularly grammatical mistakes. For example, you first sentence in the overview section is actually a run-on sentence (or, more specifically, a comma splice)! You have two sentences joined by a comma when they should be separated by either a period or a semi colon. This is not the only occasion of a grammatical mistake--nor the only run-on sentence in the entry, so it might be useful to just go through the entry with a good eye and see if you can't find and fix them.


2) British Spelling
Keep in mind that, here in Santharia, we use the British spelling for our entries. Therefore, "color" becomes "colour" and "organization" becomes "organisation," etc. etc.


3) Consistency
I notice that, for the diet, you mention both clams and mussels. Keep in mind that these are actually different creatures! Clams often have a round, off-white shell while the shells of mussels tend to be black and longer. It may be useful do a Google image search on these two shellfish so you can see for yourself, and decide which one should be the diet of such a creature--or, if you perhaps want both included in the diet of these marvelous fish!
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« Reply #12 on: 29 September 2011, 00:12:17 »

 Thanks for the clam/mussel pointer.
I think I cleared all the grammer mistakes after reading your post.
 If anyone spots more please point them out in detail, so I have a more specific thing to fix.  I think i got most fixed though.
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« Reply #13 on: 30 September 2011, 15:21:21 »

Quote
The silvertail wasn't known to have any uncommon traits until a fisherman put one in a barrel, he then attempted to feed it leeding to the knowledge that the silvertail uses its keen sight to spot the prey it then pulls back 9 or 10 peds and then cuts through the water like lightning striking the prey. Then using its long teeth to cut a good size hole the shell. It then stick's its tube shaped tongue in the hole using the it to sprays an aceed material liquidizing the clam and then drinking the soupy substance left over.
How is there enough space in a barrel to move 9-10 peds?  Are you sure you have the measurements right?

Why do they have to attack their prey this way anyway?  Clams don't swim that fast, I think, and since it can cut through their shells anyway, it's not like it has to catch the clams before they close their shells. 

Also, while its special abilities are stated here, it feels to me more like a description of their hunting behaviour than their special abilities. 

Quote
They appear to be aggressive and only attack through a defensive reflex.
I'm not quite sure what the latter part means.  When exactly do they attack? 

Quote
It has been speculated that the silvertail may use the aceed in defence against predators exactly how is not known.
If they are very aggresive, it doesn't seem like it would be too hard to find out how they do this. 
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« Reply #14 on: 04 October 2011, 08:01:08 »

 thank you for the barrel thing and the other pointers

ok ive implemented the commenters ideas, and ready for more comments.
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