* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4
Print
Author Topic: The Ice Sea Silvertail  (Read 11082 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Elron Sylver
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 3
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 61


student


View Profile
« Reply #15 on: 05 October 2011, 06:12:56 »

anybody, have more comments? I would appreciate some! or maybe its done :)? though I doubt it. undecided
« Last Edit: 05 October 2011, 09:33:49 by Elron Sylver » Logged

The courageus don't live forever,
But the coward doesnt live at all.
seth ghibta
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 138
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 766



View Profile
« Reply #16 on: 07 October 2011, 00:19:58 »

Hi Elron! This is a nice start, and looks like being a really interesting creature. My comments, as is usual for me, are more in the form of questions than anything else, aimed at increasing the detail and integration of the entry. Feel free to ignore some if you want, I’m just throwing out anything that occurs to me. Comments, as usual, in yellow.
                             
 The Ice Sea Silvertail
a categorization here would make things a lot easier for the magicians who put our entries on site. I’d suggest “bestiary> water creatures> fish.” I know it isn’t really, but you refer to it as such throughout, and we don’t have a specific aquatic reptile section, so it’d fit.

Overview
 The Ice Sea Silvertail, also known as the Silverfish by the  locals; is very rare today as it is a big fishing target of the Ice coast. Some people have cut back fishing due to the decrease in numbers, yet many locals catch them for their scales and as an addition to their suppers. The Silvertails prefer the colder waters of the Ice sea, but can be found in other areas. The Silvertail is an air breather, comming to the surface to breath roughly 20 times a day. The Silvertail is long and slender allowing it to reach amazing speeds and jump out of the water up to 6-7 peds.

Appearance
 The Silvertail is 2-3 peds in length and is about 1-2 hebs in weight. The head of the Silvertail is silver in colour and takes up 2 handsbreath of the total length of the fish. The eyes of the Silvertail resemble a cats and are green or yellow in colour, they are located at the front of the head.  Located half a palmspan behind the head is a hole the size of a Santharian san, the Silvertail uses this to go to the surface to breath; it does this roughly 20 times a day.
 The silvertail has scales half a palmspan in length, these scales have no discerning colour but change with the sunlight from grey to pearl. The tail from which the fish gets its name is a silver colour and is roughly 2 palmspans in length it runs vertically and is 1 or 1 and a half peds high. The dorsal and side fins are also silver; the side fins are a palmspan in length, The dorsal fin runs from behind the head, leaving a palmspan length between it and the tail.
more details please! you've told us certain things about it, buit still I don't have a clear picture of what it looks like: what shape is the head? how does it swim? what do the young look like? tryand give us a clear image of the creature as a whole- feel free to compare it to other santharian creatures, that's something bestiaries were always doing and it's a veyr effective way of describing creatures without fancy scientific language.

Special Abilities
 The silvertail wasn't known to have any uncommon traits until recent studies of this fish led to the knowledge that the silvertail uses an aceed substance to liquidize the clam< a quick check of the bestiary confirms that we don’t have clams, as such, here. Try gnackers, I seem to remember putting them in the ice sea and then drink the soupy substance left over. It has been speculated that the silvertail may use the aceed in defence against predators exactly how is not known. how does it deliver the aceed? Is it its saliva, so they kind of chew it in, or what? Also, they seem at this point to be an intriguing mix of fish and land-animal traits. How about making this into a special ability- how does breathing air help them? Oh, and the aceed defense thing would be excellent against selkies, which I’m guessing would be a major predator, but probably put off by something like that:)

Territory
 The Silvertail lives in the Ice sea , one reason being their feeding seems to mostly come from Ternirary cove and Three Island bay, but there have been many sightings in Cyhalloi and Akdor.

Habitat/Behavior
 The Silvertail is found usually in bays or shallow areas, (although studies show the do travel in deep waters) they sleep in holes or caves. The Silvertails are assumed to travel roughly 3 leagues a day. They travel in groups of 9-15. They appear not to be aggressive and are only known to attack when they [yellow=yellow]feel[/color] threatened.   again, more detail please! How do they behave in their groups- is it just like a shoal of fish huddling together for numbers, or is there a more sophisticated pack/school mentality? How exactly do they attack, and wqhat manner of thing will makew them feel threatened? What’s their reaction to predators? I mentioned selkies before- if they like shallower water I’m guessing they’d be hunted by selkies fattening up before they migrate to land to breed, but also pinnip and similar things.

Diet
 It is speculated that they use their teeth to cut the shells of clams<again, try gnackers here, or check the mollusc list (bestiary> water creatures> molluscs & other) for anything else living in those waters with their surprisingly sharp teeth and use their tubelike tongues to spray an aceed substance to liquidize and then slurp up the slime left inside, saving the shell for a special use. ahhh, this detail would be good in the special abilities as well. And describing the teeth and tongue in the appearance section would be great as well! They are said to eat 20-45 clams a day, the females eat twice as much during the mating seasons. so they live entirely off shellfish? Lovely. If you could say that explicitly somewhere it’d make things clearer. Might also give a better framework to build things like their behaviour on. If they live off shellfish, they don’t need to travel much- are they territorial or do they move between different patches of shore? Feel free to ignore these questions or think up your own, they’re just intended as starting points. oh, and where you say “saving the shell for another use”, you might want to note that you’ll get to that in a later section, or the reader feels a bit lost. :P

Reproduction
 Again because of their underwater life not much is known about the mating and reproduction of the silvertail. still, if they live by the shore then it’s likely they could be observed. Are they especially shy? You don’t have to say “we’re not sure” just to make it seem authentic- you’re taking on the role of a compendiumist, you’re allowed to know more than the average person about your creature. ;) But we have found clams that have the insides eaten out and silvertail eggs in place. One speculation is that all silvertail migrate to Ternirary cove to mate and raise their young; another is that they mate in deep waters and sometimes the tide brings the muscles to the cove; either way most clam/egg findings have been in or near Ternirary cove. ohh, right! That’s a nice detail, but it could do with elaboration and tying into the rest of the entry- if we know they often turn up, perhaps even migrate to this cove, say so in the behaviour section maybe? If they bred in deep water, why would they- there are big predators out there, remember. Where is the cove? you could mention it in the territory section as a good place to see them, or, if you wanted an excuse to get some real detail on them, even include an account from someone who’s visited the place.
 
Myth
 The silvertail history is mostly found in myths and legends told by the Ice tribes,<semi-colon here some stories state that the silvertail was made by the God Heterniz, who put healing powers in the tail to heal the peoples wounds during battles. A few Ice tribes believe it is good luck for a silvertail to jump over your boat, and that the scales are charms that ward off demons and spectres. these are nice details- I’d love to hear more. Are there reasons why they are seen as such good protector/healer symbols? Perhaps some story of them being placed round the edges of the water to keep the big monsters from coming to plague people? I’m no expert on ice tribes mythology, so you might have to read up a bit first, and by no means feel you’d have to write out the whole myth- just tell us the general form of it if you like.

 Usages
The silvertails scales have been prized as jewellery on necklaces and other items full stop capital letter!these scales are believed to ward off demons. any particular sort of demon?also their tail when boiled in water and then wiped on a cut eases the pain for several hours and cleans the wound,<full stop this paste was used in years past for home usages. Its teeth also are found as daggers by some ice tribes. wow, how big are the teeth? And if the paste was used in years past, is it still? If not, why not? Is it as effective as other pain rememdies? Also, I seem to remember that the northern peoples will eat most things- are silverfish good to eat?

As I said, a really nice start- all the basics are there, but it needs fleshing out into a really well described beast. Make up things, tie it to Santharia as much as you can, and generally try to make it as much a complete creature as you can, and it should be a brilliant beast!
Logged

violence is not the answer, but you get marks if you show your working.

Santharia needs your molluscs! donate molluscs now!
Elron Sylver
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 3
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 61


student


View Profile
« Reply #17 on: 07 October 2011, 08:00:02 »

thank you i will integrate most of your suggestions,
 please check back, thanks again.
Logged

The courageus don't live forever,
But the coward doesnt live at all.
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11.656


Shendar, Shen-D'auras


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #18 on: 11 October 2011, 00:37:52 »

Hello Elron,

I've got some suggestions also, but better integrate seth's first.

there is one problem though:
Quote
The Silvertail is an air breather, coming to the surface to breath roughly 20 times a day

The water of nearly the entire sea around the Icelands Coast, Cyhalloi etc is frozen for half a year, so breathing air might not be possible. You could solve the problem, if you let them migrate to a warmer sea in winter (maybe you don't know where to they are going)

Second - I don't think, that people in middleages did think about if they might extinct an animal or not and therefore restrict themselves. They did not really have the means to do so, not in an environment like the northern one.

I would prefer to have a stable diet for my Himiko ;)

More later!
Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Elron Sylver
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 3
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 61


student


View Profile
« Reply #19 on: 11 October 2011, 06:22:33 »

thanks i have a good idea where i can migrate them(that was a great suggestion) ;),  and ill see what i ca do about the fishing restrictions.
Logged

The courageus don't live forever,
But the coward doesnt live at all.
Elron Sylver
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 3
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 61


student


View Profile
« Reply #20 on: 14 October 2011, 01:56:25 »

Ok, reintegrated comments ( i think i got them all), any more?
Logged

The courageus don't live forever,
But the coward doesnt live at all.
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.097



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #21 on: 14 October 2011, 03:42:46 »

Would like to take this one into the update as well - so if anyone still spots a problem or two, please report soon, otherwise I'll take it in!
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2.419


The Remusian


View Profile
« Reply #22 on: 14 October 2011, 04:19:52 »

Somethings have not been fully addressed. :)

Who are the "Some people" who have cut back on fishing?  Being in the Ice Sea, not a whole lot of people there and both Talia and I feel our respective Ice Tribes would not be sophisticated enough to know that over fishing is done or that they needed to decrease fishing and possibly starve in order to save the fish.  Personally, I'd prefer to have that removed completely.

Why do they jump out of the water if they live on shellfish?  You make it an amazing feat, so it should be important.  6-7 peds is quite a leap.

"These fish also have a remarkable amount of land and water traits which allow it its range of ability"  I don't understand this sentence at all.  There is no context to it.

demons?

"Their tail when boilled in water and then wiped on a cut eases the pain for several hours and cleans the wound so that the healing process is slowed down a few hours sometimes days"  The Healing process is slowed down?  I wthink you meant sped up?

Many grammar and spelling mistakes in the text as well.  Reread it carefully and use the Spell checker that Arti has so graciously supplied right near the Post button.


 :D
Logged

"Lather...Rinse...Repeat"   Why has God made my life so complicated?

This is what I'm working on
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11.656


Shendar, Shen-D'auras


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #23 on: 14 October 2011, 16:05:23 »

Art, no way that you can integrate this this week, it has still some problems not solved, unclear things etc., one of them grammar/language.  Read it yourself and you will see.
Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11.656


Shendar, Shen-D'auras


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #24 on: 15 October 2011, 06:41:49 »

Hi Elron,

I was about to do a final check of your entry and help you with the people living there, but as I can see, you have not  integrated all the advice you got, not even grammar ones. (E.G take the vary-very seth corrected for you and you did not see it)

So, first I would recommend to go through your text and clean up your sentences, then do a spellcheck. If there are still problems, I'm sure one of our native speakers will correct the rest for you.

Then go through the major comments AGAIN, those of Altario , Seth, Mina and Rayne. All have valuable advice.

Some examples (but not all!)

Altario - overfishing is rarely possible, there are too few people apart from a lacking sense of that problem, if it could occur. I told you so also.

No barrels for the Himiko either (they live on the wicker Islands and are different from the rest of the Icetribes.)
You can have a glimpse of them if you read the entry about Minoki Kiuru.

Seth Use her gnackers, don't just say shellfish, so that they can be linked to them in your entry (we love internal links), though I don't know, if shellfish can survive being frosted for half a year. Maybe we have here a special variety.

Migration problem:
The whole north is frozen for half a year, so they will have problems to get in time to Akdor. They wouldspend more time there than in the in the Northeast. I propose , that you write, that they migrate to the South, but nobody knows where to. You as a developer know, that this would be Yamalquain, but this name is not even known in Santharia, so you can't mention it. --> They migrate to the South to unknown regions, but are back when the ice breaks. The Himiko could say, that summer has arrived with your fish.

They do come , because they feed on the abundant gnacker fields, stay for three months and then vanish again.

If you want to have them hunted by all Icetribes, you need to make the territory a bit bigger, the Himiko would not like to see other Icetribes in the Three Islands Bay! There could be a preferred feeding ground though.

Similarity to the yellowtail fish: I think there is not enough to say, it is a cousin. It may look distinctively similar, but there are more distinct features (size, airbreathing, way of feeding, tongue..) I would remove that entirely. Saying it looks like this or that fish does not prevent you from having to describe it.

So, still a bit to do for you, Elron, several hours I would guess :) (Not more than your commentators have spent writing their comments) But afterwards you have a nice entry! :D
« Last Edit: 15 October 2011, 06:44:08 by Ta'lia of the Seven Jewels » Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Shabakuk Zeborius Anfang
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 192
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.321



View Profile
« Reply #25 on: 15 October 2011, 06:53:21 »

Yep, I agree with Talia that there is still some work to do and care to apply. To have a really good entry, you need to get the details right.

Note, for example, that you "ward off" demons (you don't "ward of" them). Demons won't go away unless you invest two F! Seth had made a comment to that effect already. :)

Nonetheless, I think you deserve an aura point for your patience and work so far, Elron. Writing a first entry is rarely easy, and there are a lot of things to consider as you get used to Santharia and the process of contributing to the compendium. But you're getting there, and Santharia is not far away now from having Silvertails wriggle in its Northern waters.


It's nice to see that you're playing the Mysteries of Nepris game, by the way. Feel free to let us know what you thought of it sometime, and to give us feedback!

Logged

The greatest danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
Ding-dong!
Deklitch Hardin
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 103
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.761


Elf friend


View Profile
« Reply #26 on: 15 October 2011, 08:27:35 »

Elron, please don't let Talia's comments frighten you off. :) She is very protective of her areas, as you have discovered.

Like Shabakuk, I think that you are close to being finished, however, just push on and I know you'll get there.

If after this one, you want to move a bit further south, come and see me, I have some beasties and plants and other things in and around 8 Winds Bay that need developing. :)

Dek
Logged

"And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, because there's none at all down here on Earth." - Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 143
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 11.656


Shendar, Shen-D'auras


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #27 on: 15 October 2011, 18:38:13 »

Dek, I don't see, where I have been very protective in this case, that may have been the case with the vulture, but not here. There is not so much to protect. Only some agreements about the regions which are not yet on the site and Elron could not know.

He is busy with Santhworld as I heard :)

Elron, I fear I have forgotten most of Santhworld to help you out there, need to replay it :)
Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Deklitch Hardin
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 103
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1.761


Elf friend


View Profile
« Reply #28 on: 15 October 2011, 20:16:44 »

Your comment just now proves my point, Talia.

Thank you
grin  thumbup
Logged

"And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, because there's none at all down here on Earth." - Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Elron Sylver
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 3
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 61


student


View Profile
« Reply #29 on: 20 October 2011, 02:49:32 »

sorry I haven't posted been playing santhworld rpg (recently finished grin), I did some grammer work, but im not done yet. Will keep going! (newest changes in lime green.)
« Last Edit: 20 October 2011, 03:13:25 by Elron Sylver » Logged

The courageus don't live forever,
But the coward doesnt live at all.
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[12 December 2017, 16:17:36]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]

[02 September 2016, 04:06:03]

[02 September 2016, 02:44:27]
Members
Total Members: 1040
Latest: leaftanya12
Stats
Total Posts: 144681
Total Topics: 11052
Online Today: 69
Online Ever: 226
(06 November 2012, 05:38:23)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 42
Total: 42

Last 10 Shouts:
14 September 2017, 09:40:04
Hello all! It's been a minute since I poked my nose in here. Can't remember if I ever did anything useful.
09 May 2017, 14:17:18
Ah, too bad that internet is so restricted in China, Ferra. Can't be much fun surfing the web that way if Big Brother's watching you... Hope you enjoy your stay nevertheless!
03 May 2017, 17:41:19
Hi, dear Arti and other developers!

This year I am in China and cannot use any Google services including YouTube. For this reason I stopped uploading new Nepris videos. I can also not read any comments there.

It just crossed my mind that this information might be useful to you.

Cheers

F
26 March 2017, 12:48:56
Hello to anyone that might read this. :)
22 December 2016, 02:38:16
Merry Christmas everyone!
29 November 2016, 01:45:48
Hey all!
11 November 2016, 09:19:02
Calling all developers; come help me write the New-Santhala article ^^
15 September 2016, 02:24:10
Still no problems here, Erutan...
14 September 2016, 14:55:28
Still having trouble accessing the RPG side, anyone else? Or is it just me?
27 August 2016, 21:17:33
Short note: We had a bit of downtime Friday/Saturday night due to a server change. Site went online first, message boards took a while longer - now everything should be back to normal.
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx