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Author Topic: Kloighut trolls (Mountain Tribe)  (Read 5842 times)
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Bard Judith
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« Reply #15 on: 14 June 2012, 11:17:20 »

Bravo Seeker.   I was just about to suggest something similar.  Dirt, leaves, sticks, etc.... perhaps they have several stomachs, like cows, plus a gizzard with stones for grinding, liike birds.  Now that would be a cool anatomical dissection to sketch....

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"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #16 on: 19 June 2012, 01:45:30 »

How are things progressing with the Kloighut, Vesk? I'm trying to consider what will make it into the next update, and the current amount of finished stuff isn't that thrilling, so... If you can make further progress with this one it would be much appreciated!  cool
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Vesk Lyricahl
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« Reply #17 on: 24 June 2012, 11:27:16 »

I don't know if I finished in time for this weekend's update.

I'm fine with whenever the Kloighut make it onto the site.
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #18 on: 19 July 2012, 04:05:07 »

Okeydokey, check time, so here we go:

- The subject of the entry is always written with capitals, so it should be "Mountain Trolls/Kloighut Trolls" throughout the entry. At least when directly referring to them, "trolls" as such can stay that way.

- coloration  --> colouration, favoritism  --> favouritism, favored --> favoured, honor --> honour

- "A yet closer inspection (by now, whisper fervent prayers)..." lol Or here: "That is, if one can imagine a lady pausing, mid-scream, to comment on its length." lol

- The term "'troll-locks" is also great, love that one!

- "The saving grace, at least for any passerby, is that the trolls act primarily on one of two motives: hunger or defense. But then, a mountain troll is always hungry." *haha* Bad luck then, eh?

- "Despite their ability to regrow a lost limb in a few days..." - Hmmm... that's a rather weird ability actually. It sounds quite implausible to me that trolls are capable of that, especially with that size and all. And in a few days as well. huh Not sure if that is such a good idea, it sound quite fantastical.

- Good to see the quaerash lizard being used in this entry, makes things fit together, especially if we take the picture as a shaman with and say he wears quaerash tusk chain :)

- I like the matter of fact approach here, getting straight to the point. It really suits the trolls. Like "Diet. Anything. Everything." *hehe* and later a slight variation: "Weapons. Anything nearby." And then the section: "Production/Trade. Mayhem. Destruction." lol

- "conduit" - This word sounds like it doesn't fit in a fantasy environment. Looks rather modern to me.

- BTW: Have you seen the Death Rites entry by Jonael? Hope this one has your approval as the resident troll expert. Personally I like it very much!

Some more things to fix:

Quote
The Plain of Sorrow, to the east of the Troll Mountains, provides wild game for the trolls, the plain is nearly impassable to any other race with its rugged terrain...

Quote
It is perhaps out of reverence for the great lizards ...

A very nice entry, Vesk, clearing up a bunch of things and solidly grounding these trolls in Santharia - and we really needed to have them developped at some point, just to have this kind of race established as an important factor in Santharian lands :) The only trouble I see with the regrowing limbs as stated above, everything else is quite clear and straight to the point, just as these troll are: take no prisoners!  cool

So I give you an aura +1 for your job done very well - hope we can expect further entries on trolls and related stuff from you down the line!  thumbup
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #19 on: 19 July 2012, 04:54:37 »

Vesk, you got a very refreshing style, short to the point, as Art already pointed out. Was a great read!

The only question I would have - how was it possible to obtain so many information, about their religion, the names..
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Vesk Lyricahl
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« Reply #20 on: 19 July 2012, 09:13:31 »

I'll apply the minor fixes soon.

But, I want to go ahead and comment on a couple of things.

@Arti: The regrowth of a troll's limbs is in the troll race entry. That ability was part of the original race entry, before I expanded and updated it. Honestly, I'd be fine with removing the ability from the trolls entirely, as it does seem overpowered on its own, not to mention that these are huge, nearly invincible brutes that are regrowing limbs.  shocked

I've read the Death Rites entry, and it fits well with the other troll information on-site, imo.

@Ta'lia: I tried to limit the entry to only information an observer could know. The Kloighut do have their own language, but they're not exactly sociable toward outsiders. I know there are other troll entries that go into more detail, but I think the Ghereghut (a much more sophisticated troll tribe) make that possible. Was there anything in the Kloighut entry that was noticeable to you as being hard to know? The history is what gave me the most trouble in that regard.

@Both about the style: Thank yous! It just felt right (and humorous) for the Kloighut, the hulking brutes of the troll world. "Troll-locks" though is a term originally coined by the Bard!
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Kelancey the Green
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« Reply #21 on: 20 July 2012, 03:22:42 »

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this entry. Sorry I don't have any constructive criticism. Well done!
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Azhira Styralias
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« Reply #22 on: 20 July 2012, 22:30:20 »

Vesk, you got a very refreshing style, short to the point, as Art already pointed out. Was a great read!

The only question I would have - how was it possible to obtain so many information, about their religion, the names..

It is highly unlikely a scholar could sit and interview a troll. So conclusions have to be made using the following:

- Secret observation. Scholars can observe and make conclusions by watching from afar or from hidden locations.

- Interviews with other tribes. Often, other friendlier tribes who have a history with the trolls can offer clues and insight into their enemies. Info on the Caaehl trolls, for example, can be gleaned from Osther-Oc and Kaaer hunters.

- Local lore and stories. Similar to the second option, nearby tribes usually will have much lore and eyewitness accounts of the trolls and their behavior.

- Captured eyewitness. I used this technique for the Ghostling entry. A Brownie scholar Gratcha was captured alive and held captive for a year or more by the Ghostlings. She observed their behavior, culture and religion and even some of their language before escaping. Before she succumbed to the Mist madness, she documented what she saw with another compendiumist thus making the current entry.
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #23 on: 24 July 2012, 03:26:16 »

Good advice on how to write entries without having direct information, Azhira! thumbup

Back to the trolls: Indeed the regrowing of the limbs is in the original entry, which only has two developers listed, Vesk and Ishmaelion, though I guess there was a stump version before that. Be it as it may, I guess we can take out this bit if you agree with this, it's really a problematic idea for various reasons. Will do so then in the main entry as well!  cool
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Vesk Lyricahl
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« Reply #24 on: 04 August 2012, 08:24:31 »

I've gone through and applied the grammar fixes. I cheated and used a British spellchecker. The regrowth of limbs was removed as well.

As to how we know so much about the Kloighut, I've tried to limit the entry to knowledge someone could obtain by observing the Mountain Trolls (as best they could while avoiding being eaten...). The basic angle I wrote the entry from is that it's Vesk penning the entry as a sort of field report (writing succinctly to avoid detection/consumption). With his knowledge of the Ghereghut and a rudimentary understanding of TrulTrul, he would be able to fill in the rest by carefully observing the Kloighut (and as an Eyelian, he's at home in nature and not easily discovered).

I welcome any comments about parts of the entry where it seems like we know too much. I'm not sure myself exactly where in the entry I might've crossed that line. For example, my thinking is that knowing the word Klohtrul and that that's the alpha male could be learned by an observer. Trolls don't whisper by any means, and the behavior of the other trolls toward that alpha would give away the context.

I'm sporadic already, but I can guarantee no posts from me in the upcoming week. I'm going to the Bahamas!
« Last Edit: 04 August 2012, 08:26:43 by Vesk Lyricahl » Logged
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