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Author Topic: Child of Spring: Chapter 7  (Read 2997 times)
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« on: 07 August 2012, 05:42:33 »

EDIT: [Travis] still needs a name, and I need to Santharianise Winter-san - otherwise, chapter ready. :D



CHILD OF SPRING

This is the story of [Winter] and the Way of Wind and Water. He is one of the Gifted, those rare individuals born with natural magical ability. He has lived the life of a Krean monk since he entered the monastery at age six, but his heart is in Nybelmarasa, the last place in the world where the magic of the Ancient Krean still lives. In a year he will leave [White Mountain], a place which has been home for seventeen years, and make the long journey to the Academy. Here he will learn the ways of magic from the mages of Nybelmarasa as they have been passed from the legendary emperor Dearan Asaen himself. Or so he hopes. It is said that our gifts define us, make us who we are. What would you do if you lost yours and how far would you go to get it back?



CHAPTER SUMMARIES

Chapter 1: The Songs of Wind
In which we meet Winter. Into the peace of the mountain, a new song has come on the Wind.

Chapter 2: Meditating on the Breath
On his way to the monastery, Winter runs into a friend. Why is Orange out of breath and what is he searching for?

Chapter 3: Song of the Family
In which Winter remembers. The two monks discuss the change that looms over White Mountain.

Chapter 4: War and Peace
Winter and Orange disagree about the coming war. Winter is troubled by the change that has come over his friend.

Chapter 5: Botanical Garden
War is coming to the Port of Nor, and on the Mountain, Winter is locked in a battle of his own, trying to get twelve novice monks ranging from six to ten years of age through the morning practice. But first he must reason with Ker, who has a penchant for (mis)-quoting Master Kao and is very fond of daisies, as a source of nourishment.

Chapter 6: Swimming Dragon
In which we discover the connection between Swimming Dragon and Stormblade complexion. Swimming Dragon, Sinking in Prayer Position, Stand Like a Tree: Three more exercises and Winter can hand the novice monks over to Master Coldstream - and Winter has a secret weapon in a curious looking clay jar to make sure the children pay attention...

Chapter 7: Tamarind
In which we meet Pebble, novice monk and potential high priest, from whom we learn that Tamarind will regrettably not be joining Swimming Dragon practice, on account of his back.


« Last Edit: 10 November 2012, 18:38:27 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged

"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #1 on: 07 August 2012, 05:43:55 »

CHAPTER 7
Tamarind

I lifted the lid and turned the jug upside down. 'Brownie poo' poured out of the clay amphora, forked into twenty six ribbons of foul-smelling liquid and emptied themselves into each cup: two cups for each of the children and two for me.

"We will start with cups only half full today. One day, you will be able to do it even with cups filled to the brim and still not spill a single drop. Then your practice will have grown deep."

I felt a tug at my waist. "Winter-san, Tamarind says he won't be joining the Swimming Dragon practice, on account of his back."

"Pebble, who is Tamarind?"

"He's a fake zebra."

"Fake zebra?"

"Yes, see, he is actually an invisible horse but paints black and white stripes all over so that flies and whatnot won't accidentally bump into him."

"And where is he?"

"He's right here. See?"

"I'm afraid I don't."

Pebble blushed. "He left the Temple in a bit of a hurry this morning, and did not get a chance to paint himself."

"Did he by any chance stay up all night to watch Travis and the other Stormblades sparring? Perhaps peeking through a certain well-hidden hole in the boys' dormitory?"

"He will not say."

"And what does this Tamarind do for a living?"

"He's the god of pink elephants flying around the Disk in swirling teacups." Pebble looked straight into my eyes and held his back erect. "And my friend."

"Pebble, we should always strive to see things as they are, not as we might wish them to be."

"Master Kao says we must meditate to see things clearly, for meditation closes the eyes and opens the heart," Ker said.

Literal-minded Grass wanted to clarify, "Are you sure about that?"

"Positive."

"I don't understand how you could see anything, clearly or not, with your eyes closed."

"With the Eyes of the Heart, silly!" Ker rolled his eyes.

"You mean the mind's eye?"

"One or the other. I get confused sometimes. Master Kao says a great many things."

"That he does," I said, sensing that our morning practice had somehow run away from us.

"Master Kao says - "

"Yes, thank you Ker."

I closed my eyes and tilted my head and rested in the sunlight for a moment. There hung in the air the sweet fragrance of brownies.

"You don't believe me, Winter-san. You think I'm making things up!" Pebble was about to burst into tears.

"Master Kao says: 'Trust, but verify.'"

I could see that this was a situation which called for some diplomacy. Good thing [Travis] was not around. "All right, Pebble. I will keep an open mind. What argument does Tamarind make to prove that he exists?"

"Prove that he does not, he says."

"That's a strong argument." A smile may or may not have stolen across my face then, and may or may not have lit it like a thief striking a match to find his bearings. But of this we will not speak.

I blinked. "Did Tamarind just make a rude gesture at me with his hooves?"

"Winter-san! You can see him!"

"Pleased to make your acquaintance Tamarind." I reflected on Tamarind's vocation for a moment. "So you want to be Tamarind's high priest, Pebble?"

"No."

"I take it he does not have a lot of followers then?"

"Why would you say that Winter-san?"

"I guess tea-cup riding pink elephants is not a race with many members."

"That's what they want you to think."

"Why not then? I imagine there must be many pink elephants in need of spiritual guidance."

"I'm too young."

"How old are you again, Pebble?"

"Twelve."

"You mean... six."

"In a manner of speaking."

"Master Kao says we must always try to speak the truth, for truth is the friend of merit and lies clog up the Valley of the Spirit like... umm... hair and resin in a blowpipe?" No points for guessing the mouth through which the disembodied voice of Master Kao emanated.

"I happen to agree with Master Kao on that one," I said. "So, Pebble, you are going to be the High Priest of Tamarind when you grow up then?"

"Maybe. I haven't decided yet."

"Oh?"

"Power corrupts." Sage Pebble was nodding to himself, with a serious expression.

"Sometimes," I said with a smile. "All right. Back to the practice. The longer brownie poo waits, the stronger its smell grows. If you spill it, you will reek of brownie poo for days. Very hard to wash off, so I suggest you concentrate. Practice slowly; the breath flows with each movement."
« Last Edit: 07 August 2012, 06:32:19 by Coren FrozenZephyr » Logged

"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
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« Reply #2 on: 07 August 2012, 06:09:26 »

I really wonder, what crosses your mind sometimes!
Brownie poo!

Do we have  elephants? I think not, apart from the thunderfoot. Then pink elephants are not possible either, but I think you will surely find the right animal..

To speak with Kelancy, right now I spent all my critics... nearly.
The chapters are too short, I think you could put all in one until they go in the monastery. Too many chapters break the flow.

Otherwise: I'm waiting for more to come!
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« Reply #3 on: 07 August 2012, 21:15:51 »

Oww, but I am so attached to my tea-cup riding pink elephants... :(

Quote
Then pink elephants are not possible either

Hehe, that kinda is the point Winter was trying to make  buck

-----------------------

Chapter length: I've been debating the same thing. I thought of consolidating the chapters too. For now these are easier: I suppose it's psychological, the longer chapters are in my mind, the more daunting they appear, and I procrastinate. Nothing gets finished. Short chapters also allow me to think in terms of scenes and prevent me from digressing into tangents. I wonder if it might be best to just write until the end of Act 1, and then review the structure?

Thanks Talia! hug
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
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« Reply #4 on: 08 August 2012, 00:44:23 »

Yes, do that, you can always alter the chapter length, if it is easier to write them down if you pretend that they are short!   grin

BTW, I won't read on if you end a chapter with: "And the the screams came"   speechless

And now go and look for a similar (to an elephant) nice animal, or take a thunderfoot riding on tea-cups...

Hey, what about this sheep which grows trees on its back? (--> seth)
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Coren FrozenZephyr
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« Reply #5 on: 08 August 2012, 02:50:14 »

Quote
I won't read on if you end a chapter with: "And the the screams came" 

It's okay. I changed it to "Then came the screams."

That sheep is a great idea! It might make an appearance in a later chapter! I'll go read up on it.
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
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« Reply #6 on: 14 August 2012, 03:49:23 »

Two notes:

- Elephant: Well, you can always change the "pink elephant" reference to "pink thunderfoot". Fits better to the world :)

- "Winter-san": Now that sounds quite Asian and maybe could/should also be localized to a Nybelmarian equivalent I would suggest. Looks a bit like a mix of worlds now.

And finally:

Brownie poo?  shocked
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« Reply #7 on: 14 August 2012, 03:58:22 »

Yep, I agree with both points. Will fix when I edit all the chapters. Still trying to find a Nybelmarian version of the 'san' suffix. :)
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
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« Reply #8 on: 14 August 2012, 04:09:33 »

BTW: I think it's great that a larger story is posted in parts! Not only because it helps you write yourself as you say, but because it also gives the readers the opportunity to read only bits of it each day while it's tough to "swallow" a whole 20+ pages story in one go. You also can get more feedback that way. Downside is if the chapters are rather short the recent post column of the Forum gets flooded... lol

But I did the same thing back then with "The Eye of Skanris Keep" and that way really fun. Especially because I wrote from cliffhanger to cliffhanger and that drove some people crazy... ;) Speaking of a horror/mystery/ghost tale: I have another interesting idea up my sleeve, just not that much time, but maybe I can quench it in at some point.
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« Reply #9 on: 14 August 2012, 04:21:09 »

Ah, you're not allowed to tease like that! I love your mystery stories!
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"Everything should be as simple as possible and not simpler." Albert Einstein

"Is he allowed to do that?"
"I think that comes under the rule of Quia Ego Sic Dico."
"Yes, what does that mean?"
"'Because I say so', I think."
"That doesn't sound like much of a rule!"
"Actually, it's the only one he needs." (Making Money by Terry Pratchett)
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