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Author Topic: Chyrán's "The Ring" - Part III: The Stranger  (Read 2477 times)
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« on: 30 July 2014, 15:45:00 »

Just a note: Personally I'm currently working on the third part of "The Ring", which has top priority for me right now, simply because when activity is low I can pursue my own projects easier. This is especially the case at projects that take a lot of time, like the map I finished a while ago, and this text is no exception. After all it's a text that tries to do something rather new each chapter, content-wise and formally, so it needs a lot of inspiration and preparation, it's basically all lyrics, there need to be cross-references to other parts, it therefore requires lots of revisions, and, and, and... With other words: Quite an undertaking. And that even though it's not a regular run-of-the-mill story that is easily accessible, so lots of minor or larger stones/boulders in the way to get this one done.

Anyway, here's a preview of the next part for now, so that you see that I'm not sleeping :)



I stay alone with myself for a while, and yet have steady company, of the waves and the whistling, wailing, whining wind. The sound of billowing sails surrounds me, the repeated creaking of the beams, the rig that suffers strains and groans – together the noises’ mystic unity forms the vessel’s otherwordly doleful moan. Silently, far up above, the moon keeps on watching while his reflection paradoxically dances in the sea, is played with by the breeze, is wiggling, jiggling. The disk itself, however, it’s just hanging there. Untouched. Immobile. Pure. Bright and calm as if the Injèrá herself is mirrored now in the velvet night, altogether stripped to essence, of the day gone by reminiscent. As a wordless guide the glistening watcher poses above, shines on me in his aloft serenity, a symbol maybe, a reminder a late sailor has been called upon to see.

A wave I am, a wave I’ll be, a wave that rocks on open sea…

Even much later when I've long left the railing, my mind just won't let go – of those melodic lines, those soothing rhymes, like blood they flow through my veins. I might close my eyes, wait till the words are gone, but the rhythm they've left remains. Wearily lying in my cabin's bed so many thoughts rock through my head, aye, like waves, like all those fickle, innumerous wind-driven slaves. Inside, outside, it matters not, inside, outside I sense the unknown, experience it breathing – an ocean, a mind – both mysteriously alive, alive through arrivals and leavings. Overwhelmed by the moment I lie here, feel the eternal around me heaving, then again vividly splashing, be it waves or thoughts that come acrashing, and through it all I'm dreaming... dreaming... of exotic, exciting, still undiscovered lands, and how future memories will once fight against forgetting dreamt up banks.

Final version available here: The Ring, Chapter I, II and III, Word document download here (21 pages).

« Last Edit: 31 August 2014, 00:58:57 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Altario Shialt-eck-Gorrin
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« Reply #1 on: 31 July 2014, 09:40:37 »

 :D Well, Arti, you know the few but proud of us left are awaiting this eagerly.  thumbup
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« Reply #2 on: 23 August 2014, 15:42:45 »

Added two preview pictures of the upcoming chapter (see first post). Progress is fine, but it will be the longest chapter so far, and probably even considerably more enigmatic than the first two chapters... I'd say from my own perspective: that's a good thing... Or in other words for the casual reader: expect the worst... lol
« Last Edit: 23 August 2014, 15:44:36 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged



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« Reply #3 on: 25 August 2014, 23:37:58 »

Added some unsettling details to the first pic :)
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« Reply #4 on: 29 August 2014, 17:32:09 »

And the text is done, preliminary version at least :) Chapter III will have about 11 pages of lyrics, so expect it to show up within the next days. Due to the length however this will require a couple more days for thorough revisions, but for sure this one's about to be finalized more sooner than later...
« Last Edit: 29 August 2014, 17:34:35 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged



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« Reply #5 on: 31 August 2014, 01:04:22 »

Okeydokey, Chapter III is now complete and due to the fact that the way it is structured makes it pretty difficult to post here on the Forum, I've uploaded it only directly to the site and won't post the whole thing here. It's 11 new pages, as enigmatic as ever, so as always: be prepared that this is not your usual run-of-the-mill story. Word document is also available on site or right here (first post also includes the following links now):

Final version available here: The Ring, Chapter I, II and III, Word document download here (21 pages).

A couple of new pics were also added and/or reused, so the thing is now also illustrated a bit better...

Ah yes, and maybe a short introduction to part III to give you at least an idea:

"A candy-coloured clown they call the sandman
Tiptoes to my room every night
Just to sprinkle stardust and to whisper
‘Go to sleep. Everything is alright.’"


-- Roy Orbison, "In Dreams"

Candy-coloured clown? Sandman? Who else could you expect that late in the day? The reaper maybe? Ah, quite close, but no, no way. Nice try, though... - Well then, if you really want to know who brings you a dream: Off you go to meet "The Stranger" in Chapter III of the avantgarde poetical novella "The Ring" where you can listen to a most unusual tale – a journey through time and space, and man’s place in the order of things. This time we’re pushing the envelope via a bi-directional dream for a change if you’re up for it. Or to say it with Roy Orbison: Close your eyes and drift away, sailor... – maybe in the end everything will be alright after all? :)
« Last Edit: 31 August 2014, 01:05:57 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged



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« Reply #6 on: 14 September 2014, 12:34:29 »

Trying to get caught up, Art. :)  Started this too late in the evening to finish it all, but looking good so far.  I'll read more in the coming days.

She points, bathed in delight, in her eyes the glimmer of a discoverer. "And her flags bulge and rattle, as if the wind is going to tear them apart anytime..." She talks, she describes vividly, she exudes the dreamy eloquence of a poet, a poet, who has found his subject

Should you switch genders like that?  I think "her" might flow better, no?  Lest you get hit with the chauvinist label. :)

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« Reply #7 on: 14 September 2014, 14:25:07 »

Ah yes, that's definitely something that works better with "her" - I'll see to correct that, Alt! Thanks for the pointer!

However, methinks a few years back the "his" would have been perfectly normal in this case as well, nowadays you risk getting hit over the head with a rolling pin... (Runs as fast as he can in case a female reads this.) ;)

Well, the emancipation discussion takes on weird traits sometimes I have to say. Here's a recent example: In Austria we have an anthem that mentions "Austria's great sons" and there was major commotion about changing the anthem in order to include the women. Well, and because the text was once written by a woman, it was decided that only that passage was meant to be altered and the rest should stay unchanged. However, whatever they tried, it either didn't rhyme, made no sense or was grammatically incorrect. So the "solution" was to insert the "daughters" somewhere so that it reads "Austria's great daughters, sons". Sounds stupid if you read it, doesn't work with the song and polls found out that more than 90% rejected this new version. Professional singers nevertheless prefer to go with the old version. And quite naturally a new storm began brewing when at the Formula 1 Grand Prix in Austria the singer did not include the "daughters", with demands that this chauvinist should be fined, banned, sent back to school etc. lol Ah yes, maybe it would help to adjust the wages of women to that of men first, instead of fighting battles for a single word that even women reject in the current form.

Then again, as we're dealing with "The Ring" here: The text is pioneering in terms of emancipation as well for those interested, because it actually shifts the first person perspective to a female in Chapter II for a while, and it fits to the concept (at least that's the intention). At any rate: I'm clearly ahead of my time here, I'd say... And if I manage to survive possible rolling pin attacks due to my faux pas up there, then the women of Santharia - and this world for that matter - should be eternally thankful for my thoughtful consideration of the fairer sex! :P
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« Reply #8 on: 15 September 2014, 00:56:53 »

Our Anthem, Oh Canada, has similar controversy with the line "In all our sons command".

Heh, chicks.  Whatchya gonna do?

*joins Arti in running for cover from any/all female readers*
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« Reply #9 on: 16 September 2014, 05:06:29 »

Short note on the text BTW: Just discovered that there's a passage missing for whatever reason in the Word document version in chapter III, but not in the text on the site, after "One last time I looked down, and lo and behold:"  (the verse with Gopstone, Evermourn etc.) So downloading the latest version of the Word document is recommended. Not that anyone reads this, but the perfectionist in me would like to point that out nevertheless. :)
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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