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Author Topic: Poem and Idea  (Read 1084 times)
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DarSeideous
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« on: 25 January 2001, 09:22:00 »
Hey, how about I write a poem for each of the gods? Here's one for Ava.

Ava's Prayer

Ava, Ava, O lady fair
To whom we are but fleeting dreams
We ask for solace here
Amid a world of evil things

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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #1 on: 25 January 2001, 09:40:00 »
Yup, would be fine. As for Avá I propose a longer one, at least She's the most important Goddess, eh? But the lines you wrote already sound very fine to me (I guess you mean "fleeing" instead of "fleeting", though)... Perhaps 3 or 4 times 4 lines, beginning with "Ava, Ava, O lady fair"? (Sorry for the proposal, poet in me wants to break free... *haha*)
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
DarSeiseoous
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« Reply #2 on: 25 January 2001, 10:53:00 »
Sounds find to me, I'll get working on it.  
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Greybark
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« Reply #3 on: 25 January 2001, 16:20:00 »
fleeting is the right word. Means very temporary, vanishes as you look at it. Totally different than fleeing, which just means to run away!

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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #4 on: 25 January 2001, 23:50:00 »
Ah, sorry. See, I'm not an English expert, Grey... In German you would have used the word for "fleeing" in the same context in poetry, that's why I suggested this version. If I speak some English rubbish just point out... *hehe*

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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
DarSeideous
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« Reply #5 on: 26 January 2001, 10:25:00 »
Okay, is this good enough?

Ava's Prayer

Ava, Ava, O lady fair
So pure and kind and giving
Whose Beauty is unparalleled
And love never ending

Ava, Ava, O lady fair
To whom we are but fleeting dreams
We ask you give us solace here
Amid a world of evil things

Ava, Ava, O lady fair
Forsake us not in time of need
Give us strength to fight our fears
And Praise shall ever be given thee

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Curgan
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« Reply #6 on: 26 January 2001, 10:59:00 »
Perhaps you want to say "fleeing" dreams (i.e. dreams that flee, run away) or maybe "floating" dreams (i.e. dreams that come to the surface and drift through the waves of her mind).
Don't know if I was of any help.

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Daring over power, risking against prudent advise and hoping when in danger.

                                 Thucidides
Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #7 on: 27 January 2001, 07:58:00 »
*hehe* Poet in me points at the first verse, which contrary to 2+3 doesn't rhyme with any other line (giving/unparalleled/ending) and has a little disturbing discrepancy on line 3 and 4 concerning the amount of syllables. Maybe you can fix this somehow? Rest is fine, I guess;)  
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
DarSeideous
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« Reply #8 on: 27 January 2001, 16:30:00 »
Okay, I was running out of lines. How's this for the first verse?

Ava, Ava, O lady fair
So pure and so kind
Answer this our humble prayer
And forever shall we be thine
 
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Greybark
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« Reply #9 on: 27 January 2001, 16:59:00 »
hehehe...."help us....forever we will be thine"
Now this is a prayer I've heard about many times...."If you help me just this one time, God, I promise I'll......". Problem is, people usually forget this kind of prayer once things are going good again :/

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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #10 on: 28 January 2001, 05:05:00 »
*hehe* Grey is obviously worried about his flock...

But yup, sounds fine now. However, as Greybark has mentioned, this would be a poem for an occasion of suffering and couldn't be used as a normal, simply adoring prayer. Could you work on 4 more lines with the approximate content of just emphasizing Avá's Beauty? We could then use these 3 verses as the main poem, and whenever there is great suffering among the people they could put the "help us ... forever we will be thine" thing in front - what do you say?
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
DarSeideous
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« Reply #11 on: 29 January 2001, 18:47:00 »
Beauty? Okay, here's my best shot, what do you think?

Ava, Ava, O lady fair
From whom all beauty flows
None to you can compare
We bask within your glow  
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #12 on: 30 January 2001, 08:03:00 »
Okeydokey. I bought that. Will include it in the Avá-entry next update:)  Thanx, Dar'seideous! However, 12 more gods left... *hehehehe*

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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Greybark
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« Reply #13 on: 30 January 2001, 18:40:00 »
13. We can't forget Coor, can we? :)

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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #14 on: 31 January 2001, 07:00:00 »
Dar'Seideous has done Etherus already (on the site), so 14-2=12. Mathematics in Santharia are pretty the same as everywhere else:)  
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"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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