Santharian Development

Santharian World Development => The Santharian Bestiary => Topic started by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 05 August 2006, 03:57:31



Title: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 05 August 2006, 03:57:31
The Melóráel, literally translates into Shadow Eye,and this elusive animal is native to the Nybelmarian forests. This subtle little mammal swiftly glides through the trees unseen.

Appearance

The Melóráel is roughly two palmspan long; one palmspan wide and generally weighs around a couple of hebs. Its tail is equal to the length of its body and feathers out at the end for extra stability while gliding.

 The Melóráel is covered from head to tail in a very unique, small layer, of transparent fur; the actual colour of its fur is unknown because this tiny mammal has the ability to change its fur colour.

The Melóráel is a quadruped with a thin layer of skin stretching from its hind leg to its fore leg. This skin is use for gliding from tree to tree. It uses its tiny claws to cling to almost every king of surface and  their feet have very tiny groves that allow it attach itself to even smoothest of surfaces.


The Melóráel has rather large ears that it uses to listen for approaching danger Its eyes are normally an ember color, however hazel and silver eyes have been reported. Its nose looks much like that of a cats and juts slightly from the face sloping down till it meets its mouth which is filled with tiny barbed teeth.

The Melóráel also has a furry tuft of hair on their chest which is used in their mating ritual.

Special Abilities

Being so small the Melóráel has to rely on its special abilities to survive. The Melóráel has a very flexible neck and can almost turn its head all the way around giving it the ability to see all if its surroundings.

 The Melóráel can also change the colours of its fur to match its surrounding perfectly; it can imitate patterns and detail to become invisible to those who may be looking for it. It is able to do this by changing the colour of its skin which makes the transparent fur appear to change colour also. However while gliding these animals are unable to camouflage themselves leaving them exposed and very vulnerable.


This animal also has the unique ability to warn the other Melóráel in his community of danger by using a silent warning. So when one Melóráel sees danger it seems to alert the others almost instantly, reports from Melóráel trainers lead us to belive that they possibly use visual pictures allowing the others to see the approaching danger so they can quickly camouflage their selves. It is also believed, backed up by Melóráel trainers, that the Melóráel can also send emotional sensation that can be felt by the recipient. This is the Melóráel's way of communication, through this ability they can sense the feelings of those around them leaving any other form of communication obsolete. The only form of communication that is expressed with the help of the gods is the ritual of mating.  


They also have the ability to glide through the air with the help of a small layer of skin connected to their hind and fore leg. This animal can also stick to smooth surfaces with the help of tiny grooves on the bottom of their feet.

The Melóráel also have an amplified sense of hearing and smell giving them the ability to detect danger that is out of sight. Carefully honing on specific cells and sound vibrations these little animals can distinguish the size speed and to some extent, with the help of certain scent codes, the species  of the potential threat.


Territory

The Melóráel are typically found through out the forests of Nybelmar, preferring the humidity of a thick forest to any other climate they don’t venture to far from the forest. However they are able to thrive in almost any climate zone apart from artic and sub artic and this can be seen by merchants who capture these little guy and sell them as pets all over Caelereth.

Behaviour

There are two kinds of Melóráel; there are the Toagta, or the civilian Melóráel, and then there are the Syean, the guarding Melóráel. The Toagta spend their day playing eating and exploring while the Syean will make sure the Toagta are safe. However not all the Syean will be out at once, they typically have only have guard one day out of the week, and while some of the Syean the others are out playing.

The Melóráel are very social animals that live in colonies of around twenty to forty members. They will nest in a unique and complicated labyrinth of tunnels under ground. While sleeping they will have two Syean at each entrance who will watch about an hour shift before relinquishing their post to the next group of Syean.

When they are not sleeping under ground they are out playing with each other. Their favorite game is kind of like tag, they will chase each other through the trees and the one who is 'it' will chase the others and when he grabs one they will lock together and spiral downward and if the Melóráel who is it breaks off first the he remains it but if the grabbed Melóráel breaks off then it is 'it' and if neither of them break off a new game is started and another Melóráel else will become 'it'.

 For being so protective of themselves the Melóráel are a very curious animal and will explore anything unfamiliar to them they will go and study the foreign object and label it bad or good, if its good they will integrate the object into their live by playing with it or on it, but if they label it bad they will hide themselves from it and keep their distance.

The Melóráel are found of beings with a high intelligent level, which they can sense with the same power the use for telepathy, and even though a few people have taken advantage of their curiosity by capturing and selling them as pets, they have a immense understanding that not all people are bad so the only fear those who have treated them badly.


 The Melóráel have very strong family ties and when they lose a member of their community they will mourn for two and a half days by remaining under ground and screeching for the duration of the mourning period.

Diet

The Melóráel typically will eat on smaller insects, they will camouflage themselves and wait for their prey to come to them then they well lash out on their unsuspecting prey and devour them. However most of the Melóráel find this form of hunting to be boring and time consuming so they will sneak into villages and towns and feast on the leftovers of the inhabitants. This is not only faster but they can reach their fill quicker, and for these little guys its important because they must eat three time their own body weight in order to keep up with their extremely high metabolisms.

Mating

 When the Melóráel find a partner and will stick with that partner for the rest of their lives and if one dies the other partner will not try to find another mate. They will live the rest of their life alone and every year on the day that of their spouse’s death they will mourn for the two and a half days underground.

The mating ritual is rather simple when reaching the appropriate age for mating, roughly two years old; the older Melóráel will get to try to obtain a mate first soon followed by the younger Melóráel. The try to impress a female by changing their little tuft of hair on their chest different, very vibrant, colours and if she is attracted to more than one suitor then the males will try to woo her with a barrage of presents and if she still can’t decide then the males will duel with each other trying to force the other one to withdraw. Sometimes these duels can last a few seconds or a day depending on how stubborn the male is. And when a female choose a male he has one more test to complete to prove his loyalty to her, they will climb high into the trees and lock claws and begin to spiral down ward. Not only must the male not break off but he must put the female on top of himself so that he takes the full impact of the ground and protect her from harm. If he succeeds then the two will remain with each other until death separates them, but if he fails he will be branded a coward and will have a hard time attracting a mate next year.

Usage

The Melóráel are sometimes captured and sold as pets all through out Caelereth. However the Coór'hém have befriended this little mammal and use them for reconnaissance. The Coór'hém will feed and take care of a Melóráel community in exchange for their ability to spy on other clans. The Melóráel will use their telepathy to inform the Coór'hém of rival clan activity.

The Coór'hém view these little companions as equal rather than mere pets. And the Melóráel view the Coór'hém as friends and will be their faithful companions until the end. However typically only a Ruhn is able to train these little guys by using a special training technique passed down from one Ruhn to the next.  If a Melóráel were to ever meet up another Melóráel from a rival clan they would more or less ignore each other. Not really caring what the other Melóráel was doing they would just mind their own business.




Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 05 August 2006, 03:58:10
All right guys this is my first development entry so let me have it….. *cringes and puts arms in front of face to protect himself from the onslaught of comments*


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: ishmaelion on 05 August 2006, 04:07:29
I will comment it tommorrow, is that okay? I have no time this evening...


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 05 August 2006, 04:10:17
No problem


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 05 August 2006, 04:32:13
Corrected Spelling Mistakes= Red
Comments=Blue
Grammar Errors/Additions= Green



Melóráel

Overview

The Melóráel, literally translates into Shadow Eye, this allusive animal is native to the Nybelmarian forests. This allusive little mammal swiftly glides through the trees unseen and with out notice.

Appearance

The Melóráel is roughly two palmspan long; one palmspan wide and generally weighs around a couple of hebs. Its’ tail is equal to the length of its body and feathers out at the end for extra stability while gliding.

 The Melóráel is covered from head to tail in a very unique, small layer, of transparent fur, the actual color of its fur is unknown because this tiny mammal has the ability to change its’ fur color.

The Melóráel is a quadruped that a thin layer of skin stretching from its’ hind leg to its fore leg; this skin is use for gliding from tree to tree. It uses its tiny claws to cling to almost every king of surface and it emits special oils from its feet that allow it to cling to smooth surfaces.

The Melóráel has rather large ears that it uses to listen for approaching danger; its eyes are normally an ember color, however hazel and silver eyes have been reported. Its nose looks much like a cats and juts slightly from the face sloping down till it meets its mouth which is filled with tiny barbed teeth.

The Melóráel also have a furry tuft of hair on their chest which is used in their mating ritual.

Special Abilities

Being so small the Melóráel has to rely on its abilities to survive. The Melóráel has a very flexible neck and can turn its head almost 180° [color=blue](I think that this should be replaced with 'almost the whole way round' as degrees seems like quite a modern term) [/color] giving it the ability to see all if its surroundings.

The Melóráel can also change the colors of its fur to match its surrounding perfectly; it can intergrate patterns and detail to become invisible to those looking for it. It is able to this by changing the color of its skin which makes the transparent fur appear to change colors. However while gliding these animals are unable to camouflage themselves leaving them very vulnerable. (Maybe you could include how it looks like when a Shadoweye glides, for example 'As such when the Melóráel leaps from a tree it seems to materialise out of thin air')

This animal also has the unique ability to warn the other Melóráel in his community of danger by using telepathy. So when one Melóráel spots danger the others automatically know it and camouflage their selves. (I think it would be better to suggest telepathy rather than say that it is definetly telepathic, as nobody could possibly know if Melóráels have a telepathic connection. You could say something along lines of 'This animal has the unique ability to warn to other Melorael almost instantly. This could be put down to somekind of telepathy although nobody can be really sure')[/color]

They also have the ability to glide through the air with the help of a small layer of skin connected to their hind and fore leg. This animal can also stick to smooth surfaces with the help of special oils secreted through their feet.

The Melóráel also have an amplified sense of hearing and smell giving them the ability to detect danger that is out of sight. (You should expand on this, I don't think a one sentence paragraph is useful unless you want to deliver a powerful point, which you are not)


Territory

The Melóráel are typically found through out the forest of Nybelmar, preferring the humidity of a thick forest to any other climate they don’t venture to far from the forest. However they are able to thrive in almost any climate zone apart from artic and sub artic and this can be seen by merchants who capture these little guy and sell them as pets all over Caelereth.

Behaviour

There are two kinds of Melóráel; there are the Toagta, or the civilian Melóráel, and then there are the Praesidium, the guarding Melóráel.  (You do not explain what the differences are)

The Melóráel are very social animals that live in colonies of around twenty to forty members. They will nest in a unique and complicated labyrinth of tunnels under ground. While sleeping they will have two Praesidium at each entrance who will watch about an hour shift before relinquishing their post to the next group of Praesidium.

When they are not sleeping under ground they are out playing with each other. Their favourite game is kind of like tag, they will chase each other through the trees and the one who is 'it'  will chase the others and when he grabs one they will lock together and spiral downward. and if the Melóráel who is it breaks off first the he remains it but if the other one breaks off then it is it and if neither of them break off a new game is started and some one else will become it. (I think that this should be revised to something like this 'If the Melóráel which is 'It' breaks off they remain it, however, if the Melóráel who is grabbed breaks off first he becomes 'It'. In a situation when no Melóráel breaks off a new game is started, with another Melóráel becoming it')

For being so protective of themselves the Melóráel are a very curious animal and will explore anything unfamiliar to them and then they will go and study the foreign object and label it bad or good. [color=blue](Good or Bad seems more common than Bad or Good), [/color] If its good they will intergrate it into their lives by playing with it or on it, but if they label it bad they will hide themselves from it and keep their distance from it.

The Melóráel are fond  of beings with a high intelligent level, which they can sense with the same power the use for telepathy ( This should be changed accordingly to the special abilities comment) , and even though a few people have taken advantage of their curiosity by capturing and selling them as pets, they have a immense understanding that not all people are bad so they only fear those who have treated them badly.


The Melóráel have very strong family ties and when they lose a member of their community they will mourn for two and a half days by remaining under ground and screeching for the duration of the mourning period.( Nice Touch :))

Diet

The Melóráel typically will feed on smaller insects, they will camouflage themselves and wait for their prey to come to them.Then they well lash out on their unsuspecting prey and devour them. However most of the Melóráel find this form of hunting to be boring and time consuming so they will sneak into villages and towns and feast on the leftovers of the inhabitants. This is not only faster but they can reach their limit quickly  and for these little guys they must eat three time their own body weight in order to keep up with their extremely high metabolisms.

Mating

When the Melóráel find a partner and will stick with that partner for the rest of their lives and if one dies the other partner will not try to find another mate. They will live the rest of their life alone and every year on the day that of their spouse’s death they will mourn for the two and a half days underground. (They have that good a memory?)

The mating ritual is rather simple when reaching the appropriate age for mating, roughly two years old; the older Melóráel will get to try to obtain a mate first soon followed by the younger Melóráel. They try to impress a female by changing their little tuft of hair on their chest different, very vibrant, colors and if she is attracted to more than one suitor then the males will try to woo her with a barrage of presents and if she still can’t decide then the males will duel with each other trying to force the other one to withdraw. Sometimes these duels can last a few seconds or a day depending on how stubborn the male is. And when a female choose a male he has one more test to complete to prove his loyalty to her, they will climb high into the trees and lock claws and begin to spiral down ward. Not only must the male not break off but he must put the female on top of himself so that he takes the full impact of the ground and protect her from harm. If he succeeds then the two will remain with each other until death separates them, but if he fails he will be branded a coward and will have a hard time attracting a mate next year.

Usage

The Melóráel are sometimes captured and sold as pets all through out Caelereth. However the Coór'hém have befriended this little mammal and use them for reconnaissance. The Coór'hém will feed and take care of a Melóráel community in exchange for their ability to spy on other clans. The Melóráel will use their telepathy to inform the Coór'hém of rival clan activity.

The Coór'hém view these little companions as equal rather than mere pets. And the Melóráel view the Coór'hém as friends and will be their faithful companions until the end. If a Melóráel were to ever meet up another Melóráel from a rival clan they would more or less ignore each other. Not really caring what the other Melóráel was doing they would just mind their own business.



All in all a very nice entry, A chamleon flying squirrel is a great and interesting idea.

Decipher


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Bard Judith on 05 August 2006, 04:41:49
"Allusive", hmm?

So, this little beastie is well read and constantly quotes from (makes allusions to) such famous works as "Master Tribels's Marvelous Narrations" and "Dame Sausade's Cookbook"?

I THINK you might have meant 'elusive', meaning shy, scarce, hard to spot...   ;)


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 05 August 2006, 05:06:28
Yeah thats not the first time Ive screwed up with spellin, and it probably wont be my last (im a very poor speller  ;))


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Smith in Exile on 05 August 2006, 05:12:23
Nice :)

I'm a bit intrigued about their telepathic thingie. Do they have a language? Do they share that language with the Coor'rhem? Do they use images? How are they able to interpret the images?


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Miraran Tehuriden on 05 August 2006, 06:30:35
I see SMith has adressed the same point as i am about to;

Inter-species telepathy is a verry powerfull ability, and it requires quite a lot of intelligence. Even Ximaxian Cats only have slight degree of cat-human telepathical abilities, and they are supposed to be one of the most metally powerfull animals on the world. Maybe the Coor'hem train the animals to come back from scouting, make a lot of noise to atract an Elf, and then guide the elf silently to the rival clans?

Also, the 'sticky oils' sem like a bit to much for me. they already posses clawed feet to hold on to many things, and living in a forest it is unlikely they come across many smooth objects to cling to, as nearly all trees are rough enough for a creature of this size to hold on to without problems.

( it is a good idea by the way, and definately something i would like to see flying around Nybelmar! I realy like the 'weakness' of having to eat trice their body weight daily.)


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 05 August 2006, 16:40:40
Hey Decipher, first off thanks for the comments, but my spelling of behavior and favorite are spelled correctly, I noticed that you're from London and maybe they spell it different in England but according to my spell check its right. Oh all the changes I made from your suggestions are in blue, thanks again


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Mina on 05 August 2006, 16:58:29
Not all mistakes can be detected by spellcheck.  "The" for example, is a word in English, and so would not be detected by a spellcheck, but it also exists in your entry as an incorrectly-spelled form of "they". 


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 05 August 2006, 17:10:44
Quote
Not all mistakes can be detected by spellcheck.

I agree but then I ran the words trough my thesaurus and up poped the synonyms for the words, then I typed them with the 'u' and they were underlined red and the spelling suggestions that were givin were the way I originally had them spelled.

Oh and I meant no disrespect and I wasn't trying to correct him I just pointed out that maybe since we're on two different continents that perhaps the words have different spellings, thats all


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 05 August 2006, 17:18:12
Hey thanks for the feed back guys.

  P.S. Smith and Miraran the red telepathy is for yall hope it helps, (Miraran they no longer have sticky oils  ;))


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 05 August 2006, 19:22:38
I assumed we used British English rather then American English. Your computer probably found them wrong because the thesaurus was using english settings but your word processor is set in American. Sorry about the random boldness in my comments, I'll fix that now.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Mina on 05 August 2006, 19:27:39
I think we use both.  In any case, even disregarding those, there are still mistakes (mainly typos) that have to be corrected. 


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Miraran Tehuriden on 05 August 2006, 20:50:38
And please relocate the Telepathy section to the Special Abilities part, to ensure continuity in our entries.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 06 August 2006, 03:46:15
Sorry bout that I thought that that would fall into the ANYTHING ELSE part of the beast template all right just moved it.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 07 August 2006, 01:10:20
So any more comments Im open to any more suggestions


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Smith in Exile on 07 August 2006, 05:40:06
Quote
The Melóráel have the amazing ability to learn and comprehend the native tounge of the people they are around. And they communicate back to the people the same way they talk to each other.

This is unnecessary and it complicates things way too much. They can be trained and they can transmit emotions and images - it should be enough. Also maybe you can add that they can be trained just by some Coor'rhem - who, through some training process or something, are able to understand these animals and transmit images and feelings at their turn.


PS: about the spelling - both versions are right, and they are both used on the website. So it doesn't matter which one you prefer, just be consistent throughout your entry.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 07 August 2006, 05:53:29
All right hows that (its in blue) under usage


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Smith in Exile on 07 August 2006, 06:22:50
it's ok with me now


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 07 August 2006, 10:54:11
so what next does it have to go through another Mod and the an Admin like the CDs or what?


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: xerampelinae deicida on 07 August 2006, 14:20:36
Hows the night vision on this animal?
If its real good the elves could aim their bows based on tellepathy in the middle of a moonless night.

They could help cause a great deal of chaos in the enemy ranks by tellepathicly communicating where people are so they can be shoot in their camp from long distance.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 07 August 2006, 19:04:21
Coorhem use swords Xera, not bows.

Decipher


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 08 August 2006, 13:23:47
Actually Decipher the Coor'rhem use bows not only in hunting but the will use poison arrows to kill a target at great length.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 08 August 2006, 23:29:31
 :sorry: My bad


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 09 August 2006, 06:07:10
No problem man

Oh and what else do I need to do? Or is it good?


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Smith in Exile on 09 August 2006, 17:09:34
Arti needs to integrate this. Don't worry about it.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Artimidor Federkiel on 24 August 2006, 04:13:55
Ok, I'm here finally to comment a bit as well:

- Spelling: We basically use British English as it looks more medieval, so we usually have "ou" instead of "o" in "colour" etc. I usually try to fix these things in this direction when I put stuff on the site. It is recommended to use the British English whenever possible.

- You have a bunch of "Its’ " throughout the text, a form which to my knowledge doesn't exist, it's just "its tail" and whenever you want say it is you can used "it's". But that's about it.

- A bunch of other misspellings can be found as well, like "king of surface" (*hehe*), " It is able to this", "only have gaurd" etc.

- On the whole telepathy thingy: Well, considering that it really works that way, how could human researchers ever know about it? Like you say "when one Melóráel sees danger it alerts the others by sending mental pictures allowing the others to see the approaching" or "The Melóráel can not only send mental images to each other with a mere thought but they can also send emtional sesation that can be felt by the recipient." - A researcher could never confirm the absolute truth of such sentences, only suggest something like that. It would be more a thing people tell stories about or have superstitions in this regard, a local belief. And that's also the way I would write about it here. That people rumour that this could be so, that they think of them to be pets from the Gods or something with all these special abilities etc. The word "telepathy" could be used by today's scholars to explain this phenomenon, but I wouldn't use it for basic observations. Something like that - at the moment this part doesn't seem to work. You could describe certain experiments in a Researcher section or something.

Maybe even a secondary name could originate from this unqiue ability?

- The Latinised form "Praesidium" sounds quite strange for a beast's name, doesn't it?

- At the end you say "The Melóráel will use their telepathy to inform the Coór'hém of rival clan activity." Well, how far would such a telephatical contact reach? Is it supposed to be focussed from beast to beast or is it basically a community thingy, probably only triggered by certain events, more unconscious than explicitly intended?

All in all: A nice work for a first entry, Navar - needs a bit of tweaking here and there from my point of view, so with a bit of additional work it should be integratable soon!  :grin:


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 24 August 2006, 09:41:32
Arti I don't quite have the time to fix every thing promptly but ill get to bits and pieces when I can (sorry school work church you know how its is) but I should be done in less than a week

Oh I can deal with the telepathy know, the only way that it is know that they can use telepathe is because they have used it on people before such as the Coór'hém,

Oh and the Latin thing O.O you have been the only person I know (and I know alot) to pick up on that, some times when I cant think of a name Ill go to my Latin Dictionary, but its not a name persay but more of a title, like a worker ant or a soldier ant, wow Im still amazed that you pick up on it.....how?

Ill get to the rest later sorry I cant do it now but Ill do my best to get it done quickly


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: colossuem on 04 September 2006, 04:26:10
I think you should take out the part about telapathy  I think its not realistic enough for santharia, but you could say they somehow are linked mentally like twins


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Baromosa on 04 September 2006, 08:53:04
You know, this animals sound really cool. could be kinda cute by its description. almost like a gliding squirrel but telepathic.

i think its abilities are resonable, don't change them. ofcourse thats just my opinion but from the couple of sections i read it sounds pretty realistic.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Artimidor Federkiel on 05 September 2006, 04:21:38
Well, I'm not satisfied with the entry as it is, Navar - I guess I've made a clear comment on telepathy and made suggestions how to rewrite this, and I don't see anything implemented in this regard. My comments were made to help you complete the entry, Navar, but you seem to have ignored them altogether.

"Praesidium" is still not any better, has a completely different sound and root, which is non-Santharian, as with the rest of the stuff I pointed out I suggest adjustments.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 11 September 2006, 14:03:53
Attention Mods

I must postpone the completion of my entry due to the fact that I would like to add a myth to explain the power of the unseen gods (telepathy) and I won't be able to do so with out more info on Nybelmarian history

 So until then I was curious if could go ahead and start another entry, well I appologize for the delay and hope that you  understand

                                                                                                ~ Navar ~


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Drasil Razorfang on 14 September 2006, 04:28:39
Navar, you can start as many entries as you wish.  I would however suggest that you finish and entry before you start another one as it is not difficult to accidentally forget it exists and let it slip into the enless depths of the boards, only to be re-awakened in future years.  Seeing as you will no longer be working on this, I am going to change your icon back to pencil for organizations sake.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 14 September 2006, 07:03:24
Oh no no no Drasil I will complete it and I won't soon forget it, it is my first and I have it saved on my coputer, its just that I want to add a muth section and can't do so until Nybelmar has a larger history.

So don't think Im done here, because I will finish as soon as I pocess the info I need.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Drasil Razorfang on 14 September 2006, 07:51:03
In that case I wish you well on your next endeavour.  If you need ideas, look in our First sticky for something that may interest you(such as a revision or creating a proposed entry)


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 18 October 2006, 10:13:56
Ok Drasil give it a look over and tell me what you think


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Drasil Razorfang on 20 October 2006, 09:50:03
Navar, your post confuses me.  The lines are hard to read through as well.  Please fix this before anyone checks over.  Also, Artimidor seemed very unhappy with the entry, so I hope you fixed most of the stuff he mentioned, for his authority by far over rides my own.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels on 20 October 2006, 16:23:42
Navar, forget the myth section for now and finish the entry as it is. Artimidor can add the myth anytime later as well. It is quite frustrating for commentators to help a submission grow and shortly before it is finished it is laid on ice. Don't expect, that we are keen on commenting new submissions when you gave up, even for some time, your old one. If you need some distance to it, that is ok. But it seems to me, that you are just annoyed. If you start several submissions on your comp for yourself, that is ok, but as soon as other people have put time and effort in it, it should be finished as soon as possible.
If you start a new project now you will need much more time to get into the old again. It is not a good idea to abandon something which has grown so far already.

As I said already, if you have a splendid new idea later, Artimidor is patient enough to integrate any changes.

And another question, I didn't read your entry, just skimmed over it and was very confused by the ourlined parts - have you skipped them?


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Drasil Razorfang on 21 October 2006, 01:28:48
Talia, I already mentioned that.  I think we should wait for his explanation before you judge him so harshly.  He has decided to start it up again and therefore is not abandoning the entry, nor has he started anything else on site that i know of.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Ralhag Silverskin on 21 October 2006, 01:58:30
Mainly I will just show you typos, misspellings, etc...

In !!!

The Melóráel, literally translates into Shadow Eye, and this elusive animal is native to the Nybelmarian forests. This subtle little mammal swiftly glides through the trees unseen and with out notice.

Appearance

The Melóráel is roughly two palmspan long; one palmspan wide and generally weighs around a couple of hebs. Its tail is equal to the length of its body and feathers out at the end for extra stability while gliding.

 The Melóráel is covered from head to tail in a very unique, small layer, of transparent fur; the actual colour of its fur is unknown because this tiny mammal has the ability to change its fur colour.

The Melóráel is a quadruped that (with) a thin layer of skin stretching from its hind leg to its fore leg.  This skin is use for gliding from tree to tree. It uses its tiny claws to cling to almost every king of surface and their feet have very tiny groves that allow it to attach itself to even smoothest of surfaces.

The Melóráel has rather large ears that it uses to listen for approaching danger.  Its eyes are normally an ember color, however hazel and silver eyes have been reported. Its nose looks much like that of a cat and juts slightly from the face sloping down till it meets its mouth which is filled with tiny barbed teeth.

The Melóráel also has a furry tuft of hair on their chest which is used in their mating ritual.

Special Abilities

Being so small the Melóráel has to rely on its (keen, special, natural??)  abilities to survive. The Melóráel has a very flexible neck and can almost turn its head all the way around giving it the ability to see all if its surroundings.

 The Melóráel can also change the colours of its fur to match its surrounding perfectly; it can imitate natural patterns and detail to become invisible to those who might be looking for it. It is able to do this by changing the colour of its skin which makes the transparent fur appear to change colour also. However, while gliding these animals are unable to camouflage themselves leaving them exposed and very vulnerable.

Theres a good start...

I'll be by when these are in, but I have always really liked this entry.  Very neat concept.  And cute to boot!

Ralhag


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 21 October 2006, 06:20:20
Ok Ralhag, thanks for the in put, finished your suggestions and can't wait for more


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Arceon Barrurbeleth on 22 October 2006, 21:44:09
GRAMMAR

Quote
This skin is use for gliding from tree to tree. It uses its tiny claws to cling to almost every kind of surface and their feet have very tiny groves that allow it to attach itself to even smoothest of surfaces.

Just a few mistakes I noticed


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Drasil Razorfang on 22 October 2006, 22:03:19
...While it is appreciated that Navar uses proper english, if all you have to point out is one or two spelling mistakes, IMHO, its not really all that helpful.  Try looking at content next time, unless you are, like Ralhag drowning in mistakes.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Ralhag Silverskin on 23 October 2006, 00:32:57
Hello...

What do you mean, drowning in mistakes?  :(

It says Ralhag is drowning in mistakes...

Typo? Low Blow? I can not tell...


 :cry:

Ralhag


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Drasil Razorfang on 23 October 2006, 00:34:51
I meant that when you read his entry, you were drowning in Navar's typos.  you didn't do anything wrong to the best of my knowledge.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Ralhag Silverskin on 23 October 2006, 00:37:09
Whew...

I thought I was drowning in typos.

Had me worried!  :)

Ralhag


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 23 October 2006, 06:04:38
allright guys not to sound rude but could I get some more feedback, be cause right now Im at a grinding halt and I really want to get this up so I can start work on my other Ideas. Oh and Ralhag Id like to appologize for water logging you with my mistakes  :grin:....sorry grammer and I are not quite the best of friends  ;) so thanks for the help with grammer.


                                                   
  ~Thanks Navar~


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Ralhag Silverskin on 23 October 2006, 06:09:34
LOL, I enjoy doing that.

It gives me a sense of accomplishment and helps the site, because not all good authors are grammatically inclined...

:)

Ralhag


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Artimidor Federkiel on 05 December 2006, 04:47:08
Well, Navar, as far as I remember I've given detailed comments e.g. concerning the whole sending of visual images and emotions thingy, yet, even though you've marked your changes, I don't see any dramatic change in this respect. It's still as problematic as before, and the gods reference also isn't particularly explained. So if you want to get this entry up, it is necessary to look into the things which have been pointed out repeatedly more closely. It's quite a pity that you haven't managed to get this part done, as most of the entry is quite nice, but you need to look into these key issues!


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 05 December 2006, 10:58:02
Hey Arti thanks for the comment, ok I think I finally see where you were coming from, I believe I have gotten closer, I have merely suggested it, with comfermation from Melóráel trainers, I hope that makes it more believeable. Thanks Navar


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Artimidor Federkiel on 07 December 2006, 05:52:10
Ok, that looks much better already, and should there be still some passages left, which need adjustments, I'll do so upon integration, as most of it seemed already quite fine last time I checked. - It's about time to get this one finally up! :D


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Decipher Ziron on 10 December 2006, 03:56:30
Another thing to add to my Fauna compilation...


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Drasil Razorfang on 10 December 2006, 04:41:59
Congratz on a job well done Navar.  Sorry I couldn't help on this one.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 10 December 2006, 06:59:37
No problem Drasil, but I better get help with my other entries  ;)


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Artimidor Federkiel on 13 December 2006, 03:39:28
Just a note, Navar - in order to make the entry ready for uploading I changed, corrected or adapted a few things which were a bit too far fetched. At some passages like the Appearance section you also started practically every sentence with the beasts name, this also should be avoided. I suggest to have a look at the final entry as it is now on the site to see where I tried to improve things further, so that you know next time where you can still make things better. ;)


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Twen Araerwen on 13 December 2006, 05:15:32
In regards to Arti.'s statement above, this is an example of how I try to construct my writings around this problem.

Take a simple object ..... I will use "Twen" and these are all the words that can be used in substitute to using her name. the elf/ the mage/ the wizard/ the maiden/ the lass/ the elfess .... constructing a list of substitute words for whatever you are writing about detracts from the possibility of using a word repetitively.

Hope this helps you later on Navar.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 13 December 2006, 07:50:51
Yay :grin: (does integrated dance) thanks for the tips....I will try to remember pronouns next time. Id like to say thank you to every one who help me out with my first entry.


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: Navar The Rogue Assassin on 13 December 2006, 08:03:09
Thanks Arti, just finished checking out the changes and thanks for thaking the time out for it, Im really pleased. Thanks


Title: Re: Melóráel
Post by: so orril miesefer on 13 December 2006, 08:59:48
congrats Navar, wish you make many more entries.