What I'd mostly like to see here is more.  More details, fuller descriptions.  Most of what you have seems to be following the original entry, which is good, but you need to flesh it out a bit more.  I think that might also help with clarifying what you intend.  The more you give us, the better we can understand where you are going and want to go with this.  Talia makes a good point about "more grey areas", but I think if you can fill in your outline a bit more, then we can make more helpful suggestions (I hope they're helpful, anyway!) about what you might want to add/subtract/modify.  If you need some help with research, we can assist there as well.  At this point, I don't want to suggest that you cut or change too much--those things can always be done later if desired.  The most important thing is giving us more to work with so that we can critique more effectively.

It's nearly impossible to write TOO much here--some of our longer entries go for pages.  Not that you need pages here, just more detail.  I think you have some good concepts here and I'd like to see them developed a bit further. 

I hope this is helpful.  I'll try and look in more often as things calm down and we get back to a regular schedule.

Alysse

* rolls eyes *

Well, the actress I'd pick for Alysse would be Jessica Biel.   I think she's got the right look.

I'm popping in briefly to wish everyone a Happy New Year!  Countdown is (my time, anyway) 5 hours and 5 minutes left of this year to enjoy!

Well, I've read over what you have and I'd like to give you the go-ahead to keep working on this.  There will be plenty of opportunity to change and adjust things as needed, but right now there is not a lot of material to comment on.  You obviously have some ideas about where you want to go with these, and I'd like to hear them. You're not proposing to change the Kuglimz religion, after all, but to develop a sort of cult version very loosely based on it.  So I think that will work. 

Yes, I like that.  The face is more youthful looking now. 

Aura +1 for your work!

Actually, though I haven't the time to read it in detail, I do think this is better.  With perhaps a few minor tweaks, I think it could work.  Perhaps the names could suggest some of the Dark elven influence.  It is likely that the Ashmari tribe does not speak "pure" Kuglimz'seitre anymore--the language will have changed and degraded, probably blended with some of the elven terms, etc--they will probably speak what we might consider to be a very distorted dialect.  But that's a minor point and can wait for our elven language experts.  I'd like to hear Azhira's perspective on your revisions too.

I meant to re-read the previous entries on the site so I can get a better feel for what the the original developer might have wanted.  But what with preparing for the Christmas rush at work, trying to arrange three family get-togethers and being hospitalized for something called epiploic appendagitis, I've been a little rushed for time.  I'll try to stay on top of this a bit better.


Alysse

OOOOOooooo!


Snow! 


I LOVE snow!

Hello, Alexandre!

Since the Ashmari are distantly connected to the Kuglimz people, I'd like to see some similarity.  Perhaps you could add in the All-Father and All-Mother as the parents of your three gods?  You could say that they had three sons, who became the gods you describe.  But the presence of a female goddess is VERY important in the Kuglimz religious beliefs, so I can't see her role being extinguished completely like this.  I think of the Ashmari religious beliefs  as being like a cult based very loosely on the

Just a bit of background here:

Family and tribe is of the primal importance to the Kuglimz peoples, whether nomadic or not.  The mother is seen as being the heart of the family, for she is the life-giver, the child-bearer.   Thus Lier'tyan, the All-Mother, is a crucial figure for them.  You can change her nature, make her a "darker" goddess (a good RL example might be the Spartan mothers, who would tell their sons departing for war to "come home with your shield or on it!", ( i.e. I'd rather see you come home dead than dishonoured.)  But I don't think you should eliminate her or Sur'tyan, the All-father either. If you put them in as the parents of your three, they can quickly be relegated to a minor role without being completely wiped out.

What do you think?  Is that workable?

It's lovely, and the fish are very cute--but the water looks  too clean, somehow.  I'm not an artist, so I don't really know how you would fix that. Maybe a yellowish or greenish filter? 

I like the look of this one.  Some pictures are just pretty images, while others suggest a intriguing tale--this is one of the latter.


My only nitpick would be that he doesn't actually look like a "boy"--the proportions of his face are more adult.  Bigger eyes and more softness or roundness to the face might make the difference?   He's got rather strong features for a child.


I look forwards to seeing where you go with this.  Something about it just appeals to me.

No snow here...just gloomy rain.  Why is it that rain makes a city look MORE dirty somehow?  At least snow would make it look cleaner for a few moments, anyway.

(longs for her beautiful northern land, which is actually white in winter, except for the many evergreens...)

That sounds utterly awesome.  I've never cooked chicken with beer--white wine, Italian salad dressing, orange juice--but not beer.  I use beer for pot roasts and beef stew (as well as drinking it occasionally).   I will have to try that.


Brining a chicken/turkey is also a good way to make sure it's moist and tender--AND tastes really good.   Just a thought.


Kudos to you vegans, I know it's a healthier lifestyle.  But I have to admit to being an omnivore myself.   

Looks kinda like the Whomping Willow from the Harry Potter movies to me...

Aura +1 from me!

So what if it's cold?  We hot-blooded Northerners don't mind it up here!  And we've got all kinds of innovative ways to keep warm during those long cold winter nights...