I noticed this as well.  When the map is its full size its easy to tell the icons apart, however, when I shrank it so that it would be a size appropriate to post, it lost its distinctness.  


Fair.  How large mineral resources are can only be really guessed at anyways as almost none of the entries provide an idea of how big deposits are.  Would it be possible for me to take some liberty in this department?


I don't think this is necessary.  Fox has icons for all but one of the mineral resources in Manthria.  I already created an icon for the remaining mineral based on Fox's other icons.

Also, for the other three maps, do you want them to be done with the icons like the mineral maps?

I'm not sure if your solution for where the females live while their grub is growing makes sense.

If they are living in a small food burrow off to the side, don't they get trapped inside of it when the grub grows to the full size of the main burrow and pupatates(sp?)?

I think it would make more sense for them to have separate but conjoined burrows.  That way the mother is still capable of going about and doing her business while still being close to the grub.  What do you think?

It sounds like everyone is in agreement about 9.

So is this the part where it gets summed up and put into an axiom?  I'm still not used to this idea of turning magic discussions into tangible entries.   

Valan pointed that post out to me as well Dek.  Thanks.

I've finished the Minerals map as well and attached it below so I guess the whole batch is now ready for comments.  

It's no problem Seth.  Hope you feel better soon!

hey seth!  I've got a few comments from my end.

-Please make the overview longer.  Two sentences is insufficient.

-Can you please provide a definitive size?  You mention that it is rather large, but at the same time say it is small enough to fit into a human hand.  Seeing as R'unor already has beetles that grow larger than a human, I'm sure you can figure out why this is problematic.


Spotted and spots is repetitive.


Idea and idea


You have some grammatical issues in this sentence.


There should be an "are" after the but.


Please remove the second comma.


An adult what?


Remove second and third commas.


Positively isn't the right word here.


The way you have your clauses arranged in this sentence makes it read awkwardly.


Volcanic and volcano.


Need to establish what "their" is.


Allow should be will allow.  Also stores and stores.


Gave should be have.


This sentence contradicts itself.  Saying they build individual burrows doesn't make them seem social.


No as


Remove the last comma.  You've become very comma happy since I last read one of your entries.   


Earlier you said they had individual stores.


Again, too many commas.


Thus should have a comma after it.


There should be a the after "food supply"

-Does the  mother make a special burrow when she lays the egg?  If not, where does she go to live after the grub hatches?  Also, does the mother stay and guard the egg or leave it?


This sentence is awkward.


This sentence is a run on.  Also, you need to define what it is.


This idea seems to be randomly tacked on the end of the paragraph.  Either incorporate it better or make it its own paragraph.

Second everything is spelled wrong.  Also, is the Krean language supposed to look like Latin?

-The point of the anecdote related by Coren confuses me.  Whose power exactly are we supposed to be impressed by?  If its the Priestesses', they failed so how is that impressive?  A Ximaxian mage would have been able to smite down whats-his-face with ease.  The Priestesses' inability to do so would make them a laughing-stock, not a power to be feared.  Or is the emperor's magic supposed to impress us.  If so, can you please make it more clear that he is casting magic?  Also, if he is the caster, it would be nice to have some background information on the Priestesses so we can better understand his strength.  For someone who is not well-versed in Krean history, having a group of Priestesses doesn't mean much to me.  To explain how powerful they are maybe include a sentence or two of some of the great feats they managed to accomplish using their magic.

-Your story is way to long to be "one of the most frequently quoted statements in Ximaxian history" in my opinion.  I don't think anyone is going to be reciting that entire narrative on a regular basis.  Perhaps create a noticeable division between the first paragraph, which is your assertion, and the rest, which is the evidence supporting it.  The assertion could then be the most quoted statement you mention.


dun dun dun dunnnnn  


Should be "clearly" or "with clarity".

-I'm having trouble understanding your explanation of the First Wave.  What part of the cycle is the first wave?  When you say our universe is manifesting in one of the expansion cycles do you mean to say exists in an expansion cycle?  Is the First Wave supposed to be the first of these expansion cycles to ever occur?  Is that why its called the First?  If so, how do the Krean know that it will be followed by a return cycle and then rinse and repeat?  Since we exist in the first of these waves and we can't see the future, we have no evidence from previous times to reinforce this claim.

-You say we can think of the First Wave and the Web as the same thing, but your explanation of them has no overlaps.  I'm confused again :/  


Planetary consciousness sounds awkward and is a bit confusing.  Why not just say the "planet's consciousness?"  It's more clear and conveys the same point I believe.


Please spell this out in plain Tharian as well so its easier to understand.  When you explain everything using only metaphors people tend to get lost.


Again, for the sake of clarity can you say something along the lines of "just because we aren't aware of something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  The infinite possibilities of the Web all are real and all exist simultaneously, but we only perceive one" here?

-Cite your quote in the third premise explanation.


lay, not lied.  Unless the spirit of debate is deceitful...  


Explain what this answer means before you explain the other inconsistencies it creates.  You lose your reader to confusion if you do not.  Also, what school of thought is the proponent of this idea?


Elaborate on this please so that we can understand what you mean.


Why?  The Web already contains every possibility that could ever happen so why do you need to convey this idea to the First Wave?  The First Wave has already created that idea.  It would seem to me that you just need to go out and "find it" and then erect your "scaffolding" so that you can switch them.


I'm assuming this is a person whose name we don't have?  If so, can you change the clause that follows it to "an unnamed scholar/person whose blahblah"?


How can you ward off a geographical feature like plains?  I think this sentence needs to be reworded.


There should be an 'and' not a comma between the since clauses.

-I think that you should justify all the superlatives you use when referring to the Power of Krean magic.  Saying that its the most powerful magic ever restricts development, ect.  Plus, it is difficult to compare two different magic systems in terms of power.  

Your history section has made me interested in the Krean now.  They seem like they'd be an interesting tribe to work with.  Perhaps I'll have to dabble in that direction at some point in the near future.

I've mostly finished up the Minerals map as well but I have a quick question.

Mount Evermourn is listed as having a "wide variety of precious and semi-precious gem-stones."  This statement doesn't make much sense to me as various gemstones require drastically different conditions and parent materials to form.  Would anyone have a problem if I narrowed this range down to one or two gemstones?

I think you answered your own second question.  To continue your heat analogy, when you go to heat an object you can place it on a stove which indirectly causes a change in the car'all of your target.  This would be defined as "non-magic".  You are using an outside force to prompt changes within your target.

The other alternative would be to go in and alter the make up of the object to cause it to express "heat."  This method would be magic.  Here, you'd be directly toying with the object's car'all to produce your end result.  You require no additional aid from any source.

So basically, the difference between magic and non-magic can be summed up as direct changes vs indirect changes. 

Hopefully that made sense. 

No comma


Comma after water


I'm pretty sure this sentence isn't grammatically correct.  I think the though needs to be placed elsewhere.


Though isn't the right conjunction here.


no apostrophe


Icelands and g-thingy should be capitalized.  Also, Icetribesman should be capitalized as it is a tribal name.



Stick with the present tense.

-List its  speedy as a separate Special ability with its own description.

-choose whether or not you are going to capitalize Monh-rum and stick with it throughout the entry.  Don't flip flop back and forth.


Icetribes capitalized.  Got-thingy capitalized.  Please go through and capitalize Ice Tribes throughout.


Avoid contractions


"stray out of the water" is repeated back to back here.


capitalize.  I'm going to stop highlighting these.  Please capitalize throughout.


Avoid contractions.  Again, I'm going to stop pointing all these out.  Please go through and find them.


No comma


Its should be it is.


I'd suggest removing the "upon those who use it" as it makes the sentence read repetitively.


Rhom-oc should be capitalized.  There should be a comma after poison. 


No comma

A very nice job Pikel.  Most of my comments are simple grammatical fixes so if your qre quick yo ushould be able to get this into the next update.

Thanks for the help Valan.  Those should make map making much easier.

Any chance that you know which symbol is which mineral per chance?

Edit:  Completed Maps attached.

I noticed in the Manthria Master Plan that you were looking for a map of the resources available in the province and thought I'd try my hand at it using my rudimentary GIMP skills.  Hopefully these are along the lines of what you were looking for.

If anyone notices anything that needs to be marked but isn't or is mismarked, please let me know and I can edit them.

Also, as I'm sure some of you have noticed, I haven't attached a minerals map at this point in time.  Unfortunately I've run into a bit of a snag in the creation of this map: I've run out of distinguishable colors and patterns to denote the various minerals present in Manthria.  I was wondering if anyone had any ideas as to how to get around this problem.  I can attach what I have done on the Minerals map thus far if you'd like to see that as well.  

Edit: Bah the pictures didn't come out right.  Let me tinker with them a bit to see if I can figure out where I went wrong.  

Whoops.  That must have been accidentally switched back when I posted this.  I'll fix that now. 

 

This isn't a grammatically correct sentence.  If you reword it so that it says "The Violet Sky-Dancer is one of the largest butterflies native to northeastern Sihitara" that problem can be fixed.


This is a run-on sentence.  Try breaking it up into smaller parts.


This description reads almost too scientific.


Again, this reads too sciencey.

-Overall, you did a pretty solid job on the Appearance section.  Well done.



Can you elaborate a bit more on this.  You mention that its wings are divided into two parts to allow it more graceful flight.  Details like that should be included and elaborated upon here.

-The habitat/behavior section needs to have a bit more information.  You describe where they live, but need more details on how they behave.  For this section try to describe what the butterfly would most likely be doing if an individual ran into it.  Does it travel in groups or by itself?  Does it like to flutter around aimlessly or is it always busy pollinating flowers?  Maybe it likes to relax and spread out its wings in the sun or instead prefers to hide away in the trees.  Is it afraid of people? or maybe it likes to land on their shoulders?  Details like that are what belong in this section.

Do this for the caterpillar as well. 

-In the diet section, you mention that they drink the nectar of purple flowers.  Could you be a bit more specific in this and provide a specific flower type?

Also, let us know what the caterpillars like to eat. 


Again, too sciency.



To elaborate on this section, perhaps provide a little story of how this group got inspired?  If not, at least explain what elements of the butterfly the dancers revere and attempt to emulate.

Overall, this is a really good start to an entry.  In general, you just need a bit more elaboration and detail in some of your sections to flesh it out.  Let me know if you have any questions!