Ok ... I think I've addressed all the concerns of everyone with regards to this entry. I've used the thoughts of David Eddings as I've done this as my guiding principle ... when you come back to your writing go through it with a machette, pretend you hate the guts of the person who wrote it and cut out things that don't add to your story. I've done that
Some specific comments
- I got the length of the horns directly from the Kyranian men entry. I need to keep them at that length, don't I? Assuming that to be the case, I've extended the heights of the cows and bulls.
- I read through my entry again, and couldn't find where I had implied that the Kyrattin only had brown coats. In fact, the only place that I could see where I had mentioned anything about the coats was in that final section of the appearance. So I've included a description of the coats in a couple of more places.
- The description of the Kyrattin was rather tedious and long winded, much like Mittoric. I think I was trying to think too much like him when writing this entry. A lot of the commentary in which I have referred to him was written from his point of view and were intended to establish his personality. Using Eddings' thoughts, I cut out most of the unneeded stuff.
- Horn colours ... I looked again at the horns of Texas Longhorns and can see that they are mostly all white, so I've changed the colour of the Kyrattin horns to white as well.
- I had previously been asked (by Decipher) to provide more details on them being able to withstand droughts and why they were well suited to survive the climatic conditions of the steppe. My discussion of weeds and comparing them to the Wison came out of my attempt to address those two points. I hope I've made a better fist of it this time.
- Seasons not be capitalised? That means that the educational system here in Australia is teaching the kids the wrong thing then. As a kid, I was taught that we had to capitalise the names of the seasons and teacher training told us we had to teach them with capital letters to the kids. Anyway, as per your request, I've removed the capital letters.
- I've addressed the gorging issue, I hope satisfactorily.
- I've modified the 'horn measuring contest' thing slightly. It was actually a joke used in one of the episodes of 'The Nanny' ... in which Fran Drescher wanted Mr Shefield and another millionaire to whip their stretch limos out of their garages and see which one was longer as a bit of a limo measuring contest. Mine was a reference to that joke, (and yes, I know what it was referring to). If it is still too overt, any suggestions to make it more subtle would be appreciated
Thank you for your comments, Drasil, I hope I've addressed them adequately. I've given you a +1 aura
- thanks for the Uri, you actually caught me while I was trying to update the entry for Drasil's comments, so yes, that overview section was being worked on at the time.
- I've made their horns uniformly bow shaped so that it fits in with the Kyrattin myth you so generously wrote for me.
Thank you for your comments, Seth, I hope I've addressed your thoughts suitably. As with Drasil, I gave you an aura boost
So ... I guess that is over to you guys again now ... please review away again ... oh, and I decided to remove that horrid excuse for a Kyrattin picture I made ... no sense in polluting the entry with that
* Me sets up pitchers of Kyrattin milk, together with a bowl of Kyrattin steak casserole, once again from the cookbook of Beyetta Laryisa. *