I'm getting a "Fatal Error" when I try to connect to the RP side. Anyone else have the same problem?
Fatal error: Cannot redeclare security_update() (previously declared in /home/santha5/public_html/adv/Sources/Load.php(1743) : eval()'d code:1) in /home/santha5/public_html/adv/Sources/Load.php(1743) : eval()'d code on line 1
Well, there's stuff I've found that's not been picked up so far, so if you don't mind I'll finish and post and then let a decision be taken. There's no obligation incurred by the posting of a check, but it does mean that final proofreading is easier.
I personally think that, if this is going to be a case of a few quick fixes as per Coren's comments, it makes more sense to post a check now rather than doing two rounds of edits. If there are major changes that need another proofing, I may not even have time then. As things stand, my best bet for helping with this is posting a Uri on what there is and, if the entry is substantially changed, contributing what I can then. Ultimately, I have to contribute while I can.
And trust me - I have no intention of contending with Rayne on the intricacies of Ximaxian theory, but in "SPAG" four eyes are better than two.
I have neglected to say how much I've enjoyed this story. It's been a great read so far, and I hope you manage to make some progress with Chapter 10. If in doubt, you could always drop a cow on somebody.
Re. that last point of yours, Shabakuk, I would find something like this flows more easily:
"When the masters came in to refresh the wards, he would pick up his basket - by now invariably empty - and head out. He would pause [or: He always paused] at the door, calling casually over his shoulder just before he left: "There might be more tomorrow. I suppose you will just have to hang around." He would spend [or: He then spent] the rest of the afternoon gathering more of the little round fruit and cooking it with Aunt Winn for the next morning's visit."
I'm no Judith or Rayne, but that's my farthing. Using "used to come in" or "would come in" in the temporal clause seems a bit heavy-handed to me. The repetitious nature of it is conveyed elsewhere.
EDIT: In speech - to me - the use of the unelided "you will" seems a little forced and requires an emphasis on the verb; I might be being oversensitive.