Grevarius Rendragon

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Gender: Male

Posts: 30

The Drakona

« on: 17 November 2005, 12:45:00 »

The Drakona

Many a wronged woman has spent long evenings staring into the embers of a fire just hoping to catch a glimpse of Pariya’s reptilian companion, the Drakona. While most would try to avoid the High Goddess of Destruction at all costs, her companion is sought after by the women of Aeruillin quite often when vengeance is desired upon the men in their lives.

The following is a description gleaned from a myriad of sources; most notably, those sacred scrolls held and protected by those in service of the esteemed Library of Hjoreh. The author of this document has searched the desert over, however, inquiring amongst tribes both prominent and obscure, in an effort to bring all aspects of the Drakona to light. Sadly, the resulting effect has been more a blurring of the lines rather than the enlightenment one generally seeks when pursuing knowledge through written word. This has become the case, so often, when attempting to ascertain any knowledge of those worldly aspects associated with the Fae. I present the information, nonetheless, as it is the opinion of the Library that once uttered in any tongue, a thing becomes real and is thus worthy of documentation. It is entrusted upon the reader to assemble his or her own reality in whatever way they see fit.

* * *

The Drakona is a dragon, albeit a tiny one, which has been bestowed upon Pariya by Arkon as a Symbolic Animal of the fire realm. Barely a fore high, this dragon has the ability of its larger counterparts to belch fire with startling abruptness and effectiveness. This has been thoroughly documented in the varied tales of Pariya and her exploits. However, an aspect of the Drakona as nearly unverifiable as it is mysterious is its tendency to bring “gifts” to those most in need of his services. It is a common belief and hope amongst women that if a fire is created and appealed to with enough desperation resulting from the wrong doings of men that the Drakona shall appear amidst the flames and bestow upon the seeker a stone not unlike the gem which is often depicted upon the forehead of Pariya Herself. This gem is then hidden in the household and never mentioned to anyone. The gems are said to have changed the lives of all that have received them. The men of the house are either unknowingly rehabilitated to the “proper” ways of a loving home (through pain, anguish, and finally…fear) or driven out of the home and out of their minds.

Appearance

It should be noted that as very few folks have actually seen the Drakona, the image of Pariya’s companion is most often experienced in the form of art. This includes gargoyles set about the various temples dedicated to the One Lady as well as tapestries hung within the domains of those loyal to Pariya and her ways. Also, young men still new to the ways of Caelereth draw pictures of the somewhat smallish dragon in the sand as they attempt to convince each other that his very existence is but a myth. It is rumored that these same men can often be found in their elder years, alone in the desert, still drawing the same pictures and unaware of the “gift” of the Drakona to those that once loved them.

At first glance, it would seem that the Drakona is almost laughable in stature. It is said that he stands a mere fore in height, less than one third of a ped tall. According to a scroll recently discovered in the vaults of a temple to Pariya, impressive arrays of glossy scales cover the tiny dragon from smoking nostril to spiked tail-tip. Those armored scales found upon his back and wings are a brilliant red, whilst those under his chin, neck, and belly are a warm yellowish-orange. Green eyes are set within his skull like precious gems. When he moves, it is purposeful and deliberate. It is obvious from the look in those green eyes that the Drakona would be hard to convince of his own tiny size. He truly does have a heart of fire and a searing determination to go with it.

The Drakona’s wings, it should be noted, seem a bit small even for its minuscule size. This does not mean that he is incapable of flight. Rather, those women fortunate enough to have seen him and those men unlucky enough to have crossed paths with him, claim that his aerial movements are more of a floating nature rather than the soaring or gliding movements normally thought of when contemplating a dragon.

There is an exception to this idea of smallish wings upon the Drakona, however. In the newer colonies established upon the Plains of the Forsaken, there exists a group of nearly fanatical Pariyian followers which have set about the task of creating the newest Temple of Pariya. They feel that this new place will be her true home and have placed an even greater significance upon the existence of the Drakona than anywhere else yet discovered. Within the temple lies a huge chamber meant to become the home and lair of the Drakona. Two large doors mark its entrance, painted upon which is a mural depicting the Drakona as standing a head and a half taller than Pariya herself, its huge wings wrapped about the goddess in a manner of protection. This temple, largely because of this mural, is seen amongst the more traditional Hjorians as an affront to the goddess, normally known for her fiery strength and power. She is, after all, the High Goddess of Destruction.

Generally, when seen, the Drakona is sitting on its hind legs. In the few instances where gargoyles have been constructed depicting the Drakona outside of a temple of Pariya, it is generally found sitting on its haunches with its forepaws extended out to the viewer, gem in hand. This is the image of the Drakona which Aeruillinian women hope to see after staring long hours into the flames of a fire. Its paws do bare dragon claws. However, as the Drakona has not the meat eating needs of a mortal dragon, his claws are shorter and well maintained, presumably by Pariya Herself, as the Drakona’s entire body is said to be as hot as the fire within its belly.

Special Abilities

Undoubtedly, the first special ability of the Drakona one might encounter is its breath of fire. In truth, the Drakona’s breath is every bit as impressive as that of the Great Drake, itself, the Fire Dragon. It would seem that the little gift of Arkon is nothing but fire when he chooses to let loose with a singing puff of arson. Although he has not the quick temper of his master, he can be quite formidable when angered.

It is rumored by followers of the High Goddess of Destruction and those desirous of the Drakona’s attention that the companion to Pariya does, indeed, share the goddess's ability to sense emotional energy. They claim that this is undoubtedly how he finds those in need of his aid.

This leads us to his other special ability: that of hopping in and out of the Void with ease. As has already been mentioned, it is commonly believed that the Drakona has the ability to suddenly “appear” in the flames of a fire. According to the highest level priestesses of Pariya, he shares the ability of the goddess, which is to travel effortlessly from Asharvéa to anywhere within Aeruillin and possibly even Caelereth. He is a clever little dragon, however, so it is quite possible that the Drakona simply sneaks into the fire, as the one gazing into the fire is likely unaware of all else around them.

Territory

Those sightings believed to be valid, regarding the Drakona, have all been in Aeruillin. Also, it is believed that the Drakona regularly enters into the Void to retrieve the gems that he is known for in the tales of his exploits. Some even claim that the gem so often depicted upon the forehead of Pariya was a gift from him as well in an attempt to curb her temper.

Habitat/Behavior

The Drakona is said to spend the majority of his time at the side of the High Goddess of Destruction, Pariya. As he was a gift from Arkon, he is bound to her for all eternity. As she tires of him quickly, however, (It is a well-known fact that Pariya despises all males.) the Drakona is often free to venture off to find and deliver his gemstones.

When away from the goddess, the Drakona moves about in a lazy, meandering fashion. He enjoys this reprieve from the time spent with Pariya. At her side, he is generally withstanding a steady stream of verbal abuse and attempting to avoid the occasional fireball hurled at him. It was, indeed, wise of Arkon to make this hapless dragon out of fire, himself, as he is not nearly as agile as the Quick-Tempered One.

Diet

Simply put, the Drakona has no need of food. He is immortal, a creature of fire and magic like the goddess he was gifted to so long ago. He does, however, crave that invisible energy that is associated with the emotions of a woman in need. Perhaps this is why he is so “generous” as to bestow his gifts upon the women of Aeruillin. It is likely their energy that sustains him through the trials brought upon him by the goddess Pariya in her seemingly constant fits of rage.

Mating

There is but one Drakona. It was the intent of Arkon that this shall remain the case throughout the existence of Caelereth and beyond.

Myth/Lore/Origin

The origin of the Drakona has been largely described in the paragraphs above. In summary, he is a companion given to the High Goddess of Destruction by Arkon, himself. Those women of Aeruillin who suffer emotionally at the hands of men desire his attention. He is immortal and magical in nature. He is truly unique and is often depicted in the form of flame-spouting gargoyles about the temples of Pariya or alone as the gem-bearing little dragon so sought after at fireside on the loneliest of nights.

It is true that Pariya vents frequent fits of rage upon this little “gift” dragon. However, even the fiery High Goddess of Destruction cannot help but have something of a soft spot for the Drakona. Although Pariya’s hatred of men has steadily increased throughout her existence, particularly since her failure to secure the cooperation of Arkon and Har’wyn on that fateful day, the Drakona has stood faithfully beside her and her followers and continues to do so even now. Indeed, it has been said that many of Pariya’s followers, and thus much of her strength, have come to her through the efforts of the Drakona.

Researchers

Thus far, it would seem that this is the first attempt to fully document the creature that is the Drakona aside from his appearances at the side of the High Goddess of Destruction, Pariya. Men generally avoid him for obvious reasons and the women of Aeruillin all seem to have a common knowledge of him handed down secretly from mother to daughter on the darkest nights in the desert.

Regarding the “gift” of the Drakona

It should be noted that in order for the gemstone to work, it is said that it must be carefully hidden within the domicile of the woman in receipt of it and never mentioned to anyone. Should the husband, or anyone else for that matter, discover it, the gem shall “disappear” and return unto that place in the Void which it came. It is said that each gem contains the concern and attentiveness of the Drakona and is powered by the rage of Pariya, herself…the latter, of which, there seems to be no shortage of in the foreseeable future.

~~ Penned by Grevarius Rendragon, Assembler of Realities and Servant to The Library of Hjoreh ~~

* * *

“When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.”
-- Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband,” 1893

* * *

Edited by: Artimidor Federkiel at: 12/4/05 9:13


	Logged

Bard Judith

Santh. Member

Gained Aura: 363
Offline

Offline

Gender: Female

Posts: 7.639

Dwarvenmistress

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #1 on: 17 November 2005, 15:57:00 »

Hey! I recognize him!

Bright red/orange, almost laughable in stature, helping wronged women....

that's our Mushu...

:lol

Jesting aside, Rendragon, this is a lovely little piece of work. I love the concept - and the execution, as you have a nice turn of phrase and a clear, literate style which reads well. Was the idea itself from your Queen, or did you originate it? It's a unique and clever harnessing of powerful forces.. the stormy soul of a woman wronged or neglected!

I don't often say this - but I wish I'd come up with it! Bravo! :clap


	Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf / a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; / I love no leafless land." --A.E. Housman

Artemis

Santh. Member

Gained Aura: 2
Offline

Offline

Gender: Female

Posts: 883

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #2 on: 18 November 2005, 08:42:00 »

Well!

What can I say, other than words to echo the Bard's compliments. It is superbly written. I love the way you have created a relationship between the Drakona and Pariya, and also how you have elaborated on Pariya's hate for men.

I have read it through and commented in this lovely colour. Mostly what I have said is nitpicky. There is one issue however, not major, but I feel that the entry as a whole needs to be "mythicalised" just a little more. You have done well in some parts, but others I feel need a bit of tweaking. What I mean is instead of having a paragraph of certainty like this -

"The second special ability of the Drakona is a sort of telepathic sensitivity of emotions. This is believed to be an extension of Pariya’s own ability and is undoubtedly how the Drakona finds those in need of his aid."

Write it in a more mythical/uncertain sense as follows -

"Priestesses of Pariya will say that another special ability of the Drakona is a sort of telepathic sensitivity of emotions. They claim it to be an extension of Pariya’s own ability and is undoubtedly how the Drakona finds those in need of his aid."

That way it is more in the style of word-of-mouth, as such a mythical being would be. You have done this in parts, it just needs to be added in a few others.

.

The Drakona

Many a wronged woman has spent long evenings staring into the embers of a fire just hoping to catch a glimpse of Pariya’s reptilian companion, the Drakona. While most would try to avoid the High Goddess of Destruction at all costs, her companion is sought after by the women of Aeruillin quite often when vengeance is desired upon the men in their lives.

The Drakona is a dragon, albeit a tiny one, which has been bestowed upon Pariya by Arkon as a Symbolic Animal of the fire realm. Barely a fore high, this dragon has the ability of its larger counter parts (is this not one word in this context - counterparts?) to belch fire with startling abruptness and effectiveness. This has been thoroughly documented in the varied tales of Pariya and her exploits. However, an aspect of the Drakona as nearly unverifiable as it is mysterious is its tendency to bring “gifts” to those most in need of his services. It is a common belief and hope amongst women that if a fire is created and appealed to with enough desperation resulting from the wrong doings of men that the Drakona shall appear amidst the flames and bestow upon the seeker a stone not unlike the gem which is often depicted upon the forehead of Pariya Herself. This gem is then hidden in the household and never mentioned to anyone. The gems are said to have changed the lives of all that have received them. The men of the house are either unknowingly rehabilitated to the “proper” ways of a loving home (through pain, anguish, and finally…fear) or driven out of the home and out of their minds.

Appearance

(You might want to add a few sentences here and there to make this appearance section seem less certain. For example say - "A famous portrait depicts to Drakona as..." or perhaps "An old hag of Thylascuran, who always claimed to have received a gem from a Drakona, swore that the Drakona was..." or perhaps "A common depiction of the Drakona shows it to be..." Perhaps you could even mention a few discrepancies. Perhaps when the Drakona is depicted by those who do not like Pariya, it is shown a pathetic and lowly creature, with dull colours and bony structure, When shown by those loyal to Her, the Drakona is more as you have described. Just a few ideas!)

At first glance, the Drakona is almost laughable in stature. He stands a fore high, less than one third of a ped tall. Impressive arrays of glossy scales cover the tiny dragon from smoking nostril to spiked tail-tip. Those armored scales found upon his back and wings are a brilliant red, while those under his chin, neck, and belly are a warm yellowish-orange. Green eyes are set within his skull like precious gems. When he moves, it is purposeful and deliberate. It is obvious from the look in those green eyes that the Drakona would be hard to convince of his own tiny size. He truly does have a heart of fire and a searing determination to go with it. (I do like those last two sentences!)

The Drakona’s wings, it should be noted, seem a bit small even for its minuscule size. This does not mean that he is incapable of flight. His aerial movements are more of a floating nature rather than the soaring or gliding movements normally thought of when contemplating a dragon. This is the result of a hot gas that seems to emanate about him, forming in convenient little pockets beneath his wings. (Hmmmm... stating something like this seems a bit definite for a mythical beast. Perhaps say something more vague? I'm not too sure if the concept of hot air/thermals aiding flight was known in medievil times? Can anyone help me with this? Otherwise, such a thing would be a bit too technical!)

Generally, when seen, the Drakona is sitting on its hind legs. In the few instances where gargoyles have been constructed depicting the Drakona outside of a temple of Pariya, it is generally found sitting on its haunches with its forepaws extended out to the viewer, gem in hand. This is the image of the Drakona which Aeruillinian women hope to see after staring long hours into the flames of a fire. Its paws do bare dragon claws. However, as the Drakona has not the meat eating needs of a mortal dragon, his claws are shorter and well maintained, presumably by Pariya Herself, as the Drakona’s entire body is as hot as the fire within its belly.

Special Abilities

Undoubtedly, the first special ability of the Drakona one might encounter is its breath of fire. In truth, the Drakona’s breath is every bit as impressive as that of the Great Drake, itself, the Fire Dragon. It would seem that the little gift of Arkon is nothing but fire when he chooses to let loose with a singing puff of arson. Although he has not the quick temper of his master, he can be quite formidable when angered.

The second special ability of the Drakona is a sort of telepathic sensitivity of emotions. This is believed to be an extension of Pariya’s own ability and is undoubtedly how the Drakona finds those in need of his aid.

This leads us to his other special ability, which is yet unverified (well, technically nothing about the Drakona would have been verified!). As has already been mentioned, it is commonly believed that the Drakona has the ability to suddenly “appear” in the flames of a fire. Just how this is accomplished is still up for debate. (He is a mythical and magical dragon of the Gods, why would such an ability be up for debate? It would simply be accepted that he could do such a thing, being of the Gods!) He is a clever little dragon, so it is quite possible that the Drakona simply sneaks into the fire, as the one gazing into the fire is likely unaware of all else around them. He is a creature of magic, however. So, it is quite possible that he can cross great distances at will, leaping from one fire to the next.

Territory

Those sightings believed to be valid, regarding the Drakona, have all been in Aeruillin. Also, it is believed that the Drakona regularly enters into the Void to retrieve the gems that he is known for in the tales of his exploits. Some even claim that the gem so often depicted upon the forehead of Pariya was a gift from him as well in an attempt to curb her temper.

(You might like to just mention that the area within the Void it would reside when with Pariya is Asharvéa, this is the name for the residence of the Gods within the Void).

Habitat/Behavior

The Drakona spends the majority of his time at the side of the High Goddess of Destruction, Pariya. As he was a gift from Arkon, he is bound to her for all eternity. As she tires of him quickly, however, (It is a well-known fact that Pariya despises all males.) the Drakona is often free to venture off to find and deliver his gemstones.

When away from the goddess, the Drakona moves about in a lazy, meandering fashion. He enjoys this reprieve from the time spent with Pariya. At her side, he is generally withstanding a steady stream of verbal abuse and attempting to avoid the occasional fireball hurled at him. It was, indeed, wise of Arkon to make this hapless dragon out of fire, himself, as he is not nearly as agile as the Quick-Tempered One.

Diet

Simply put, the Drakona has no need of food. He is immortal, a creature of fire and magic like the goddess he was gifted to so long ago. He does, however, crave that invisible energy that is associated with the emotions of a woman in need. Perhaps this is why he is so “generous” as to bestow his gifts upon the women of Aeruillin. It is likely their energy that sustains him through the trials brought upon him by the goddess Pariya in her seemingly constant fits of rage.

Mating

There is but one Drakona. It was the intent of Arkon that this shall remain the case throughout the existence of Caelereth and beyond.

Myth/Lore/Origin

The origin of the Drakona has been largely described in the paragraphs above. In summary, he is a companion given to the High Goddess of Destruction by Arkon, himself. Those women of Aeruillin who suffer emotionally at the hands of men desire his attention. He is immortal and magical in nature. He is truly unique and is often depicted in the form of flame-spouting gargoyles about the temples of Pariya or alone as the gem-bearing little dragon so sought after at fireside on the loneliest of nights.

(You mentioned earlier that Pariya despises the Drakona being that it is male - yet he is Hers, and so it would be nice to see a paragraph or so just saying that she will always have a "soft spot" or something similar towards him, since he was created for Her! Also, she never used to despise males, it was only after Arkon and Har'wyn refused to try and help her become leader of the Gods that she did so. So perhaps the sudden change in her attitude towards the Drakona, which would have been liked before Pariya was snubbed, was what caused it to search out the scorned women - perhaps he feels that every woman he helps brings him closer and more in favour again with the Goddess? Just a though for you there!)

Researchers

Thus far, it would seem that this is the first attempt to fully document the creature that is the Drakona aside from his appearances at the side of the High Goddess of Destruction, Pariya. Men generally avoid him for obvious reasons and the women of Aeruillin all seem to have a common knowledge of him handed down secretly from mother to daughter on the darkest nights in the desert.

Regarding the “gift” of the Drakona

It should be noted that in order for the gemstone to work, it is said that it must be carefully hidden within the domicile of the woman in receipt of it and never mentioned to anyone. Should the husband, or anyone else for that matter, discover it, the gem shall “disappear” and return unto that place in the Void which it came. It is said that each gem contains the concern and attentiveness of the Drakona and is powered by the rage of Pariya, herself…the latter, of which, there seems to be no shortage of in the foreseeable future.

So, in conclusion, you've taken the idea and expanded it beautifully! I'm very proud of you apprentice! Just pay a little attention to my comments, a few adjustments here and there, and I'm sure it'll be ready to go up in no time! Just post in my bell ringing thread in the bell ringing forum (my thread is on the second page) or the one in the Aeruillin forum

*****

You're supposed to put something really clever and witty in the signature. Well, I am neither clever, nor witty, so this is a waste of space for me really.

*****


	Logged

Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels

Santh. Member

Gained Aura: 139
Offline

Offline

Gender: Female

Posts: 11.548

Shendar, Shen-D'auras

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #3 on: 18 November 2005, 07:58:00 »

What a first entry!

Though I know quite a bit about Aeruillin, only our dear Queen herself can tell you, if it is ok as it is..

One thing however did strike me - is "he" male?

Quote:
As she tires of him quickly, however, (It is a well-known fact that Pariya despises all males.) the Drakona is often free to venture off to find and deliver his gemstones.

Why does he have a gender at all, he couldbe a neutrum, with only one individuum existing at all - or be female

Would the goddess accept a male drakona? If so, you should find a reason , why it is like this, did Arkon want to anger Paryia?.

Edit!
Ha, Artemis has beaten me!

Another thought which came to me just now:

Though you are saying it is a mythical animal, you are describing the drakona a bit too realistic, ( even after you you answered Artemis's comments). I think a Santharian compendium writer would describe it all a bit more - realative in terms of.. it is said etc. A solution could be to add a sentence or two before the entry, that this was written by a the priestess XXX of Paryia and collected and sent into the big Library by Grevarius Rendragon...

***Astropic of the day***
"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"

Edited by: Talia Sturmwind at: 11/17/05 21:07


	Logged

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***

Artemis

Santh. Member

Gained Aura: 2
Offline

Offline

Gender: Female

Posts: 883

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #4 on: 18 November 2005, 09:09:00 »

Teeheehee... sorry Talia!

I did indeed wonder about the gender myself, however, realised that it would not be such a problem, since originally (as I said) Pariya did not despise men. So, in the beginning the Drakona would have been loved regardless of its maleness!

*****

You're supposed to put something really clever and witty in the signature. Well, I am neither clever, nor witty, so this is a waste of space for me really.

*****


	Logged

Grevarius Rendragon

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Gender: Male

Posts: 30

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #5 on: 21 November 2005, 23:14:00 »

Thank you everyone for your insight. I am just wrapping up some of the suggested changes now.

   Masterbard Judith, in response to your question, the Drakona was already named and listed as the companion to Pariya. Not much was mentioned other than he was a small dragon and depicted as being fire-breathing in the form of gargoyles found in the One Lady’s temples. I doubt that his character had been contemplated with much detail at all, let alone with this sort of “direction” in mind. I’m thankful to the Aeruillin Queen for allowing such liberties to be taken with Pariya’s companion. The Drakona was one of several options she gave as a starting point for my apprenticeship.

   There are a couple of things that I could use some insight into, however, should anyone in the development community have any suggestions. One, Talia, you mentioned “the Big Library.” Is there a primary library in Aeruillin? If so, where is it and has anything been posted yet which I might read? I already had an idea in my head regarding a library in the desert. Its nearness to the Void lends to some interesting development opportunities. More immediately, however, I would just like to mention it as a source for the Drakona’s depiction in my rewrite. Also, I was wondering if someone could point me towards more information regarding the whole suggested takeover pitched by Pariya to Arkon and Har’wyn. I’ve read the short little blurb in Pariya’s description regarding it; however, I get the impression that perhaps there is an actual story somewhere containing the incident. There is simply so much stuff here that it boggles the mind. Lastly, is there a primary Temple of Pariya somewhere? I’d like to mention it as well. Perhaps, there is a specific temple that the priestesses of the One Lady pilgrimage to?

   Thanks, in advance, for any assistance anyone can provide.

* * *

“When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.”
-- Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband,” 1893

* * *

Edited by: Grevarius Rendragon at: 11/22/05 0:02


	Logged

Grevarius Rendragon

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Gender: Male

Posts: 30

The Drakona -- First Rewrite

« Reply #6 on: 22 November 2005, 12:09:00 »

Okay. The original posting has been edited above. I will continue to try to shape the entry into something more “mythical.” Thank you for the suggestions and responding to my questions.

* * *

“When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.”
-- Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband,” 1893

* * *

Edited by: Grevarius Rendragon at: 11/22/05 13:38


	Logged

Artemis

Santh. Member

Gained Aura: 2
Offline

Offline

Gender: Female

Posts: 883

Re: The Drakona -- First Rewrite

« Reply #7 on: 23 November 2005, 01:16:00 »

Hey Grevarious!

Just a quick note to start with - please edit your first post instead of reposting - this makes it easier for Artimidor to find the correct copy when integrating!

I In answer to your questions - there is a Library in Aeruillin, it is in Hjoreh - read the tribe entry on the Hjoria for further information about that! The library as a whole has not been elaborated on, so if you would like to take that up, you are more than welcome to do so. Also, the incident regarding Pariya, Arkon and Har'wyn has not yet been fully documented. Save for the short blurb you have read in the entry on Pariya there is no other information on it. If you feel inspired to write about this, then once again, you are welcome.

With regards to the entry - content wise it is excellent, yet I still feel it need a little "mythicalisation." Some things are still too set in stone, and what would be a good idea would be to mention some contradictions as are present in Earthly mythical beings - for example, some people see the Unicorn as a white horse with a horn, others believe it to be more of a goat like creature... etc. Just a few places here and there in the entry where you could say - "Another school of thought on this is..." or "Priestesses of Arkon or Har'wyn however believe..." or "Oddly, those in Shan'Zarathan have an alternative vision..." I hope this makes sense to you!

Any more help, give me a bell!!!

*****

You're supposed to put something really clever and witty in the signature. Well, I am neither clever, nor witty, so this is a waste of space for me really.

*****


	Logged

Artemis

Santh. Member

Gained Aura: 2
Offline

Offline

Gender: Female

Posts: 883

Re: The Drakona -- First Rewrite

« Reply #8 on: 01 December 2005, 02:20:00 »

*Pokes Entry*

Grevarious, are you finished? I hope I didn't dishearten you too much after my last comments, this is so very nearly ready, it would be nice if it could go up in the next update!

*****

You're supposed to put something really clever and witty in the signature. Well, I am neither clever, nor witty, so this is a waste of space for me really.

*****


	Logged

Artimidor Federkiel

Administrator

Gained Aura: 512
Offline

Offline

Gender: Male

Posts: 22.636

Re: The Drakona -- First Rewrite

« Reply #9 on: 01 December 2005, 07:06:00 »

Yeah, I'd love to see this one finished, Grev - update time is this weekend, so if you can add the final touches Artemis pointed out, we'd have your first official entry on the site

- I'll give it another check upon integrating, but as you already have had the Aeruillin Queen herself comment her, I guess it's all fine if you take her suggestions in

The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...


	Logged

"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)

Grevarius Rendragon

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Gender: Male

Posts: 30

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #10 on: 02 December 2005, 13:39:00 »

My description of the Drakona has been amended. A new place has been mentioned, a temple to Pariya located on the Plains of the Forsaken. With the kind permission of the Aeruillin Queen, I would like to “reserve” the right to develop that temple, its associated followers, and also the Library of Hjoreh. I have major plans for the latter of which and will likely suggest it as my “Masterwork” when granted permission to do so. As always, my works are the property of the Dream, so please feel free to suggest changes where I might have contradicted existing works or delved into regions not yet meant for development.

Sincerely,
Grevarius Rendragon

* * *

“When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.”
-- Oscar Wilde, "An Ideal Husband,” 1893

* * *


	Logged

Artemis

Santh. Member

Gained Aura: 2
Offline

Offline

Gender: Female

Posts: 883

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #11 on: 04 December 2005, 06:26:00 »

I happily give this my stamp of approval!

Please put the blue arrow posticon up to inform Artimidor that this is ready to be integrated.

For a first entry it is impressively detailed and a delight to read. I happily give you permission to develop the temple you have mentioned, however, how far into the Plains of Forsaken do you plan to put it? Please try to keep it to the opposite of the Nytherian Dunes and away from Nythera in general, simply because there are some "people" there who don't really want to be discovered! If you have any general questions you wish to run past me before you write the entry, please ask away

.

Anyhow, I am proud of your first entry my dear apprentice, and look forward to the next.

*****

You're supposed to put something really clever and witty in the signature. Well, I am neither clever, nor witty, so this is a waste of space for me really.

*****


	Logged

Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels

Santh. Member

Gained Aura: 139
Offline

Offline

Gender: Female

Posts: 11.548

Shendar, Shen-D'auras

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #12 on: 04 December 2005, 07:06:00 »

Really, that is good to read! Though I expected that you would not write badly, I am now nevertheless surprised about how you did it. I like the little things around the animal itself - alone the beginning, then the relativation of the whole following.
Sentences like these are a delight to read „..It is obvious from the look in those green eyes that the Drakona would be hard to convince of his own tiny size. ....“

and this one: „Thus far, it would seem that this is the first attempt to fully document the creature that is the Drakona aside from his appearances at the side of the High Goddess of Destruction, Pariya. ....“ :lol

I would recommend not to place this new temple in the Plain of the Forsaken, but to the west, where the map ends now. The new map will be slightly bigger and have a few new additional features. So if you have an idea, tell it. It has to be a bit away from the Hjoria I assume, for they would probably not allow one to be build so easily , that shows Paryia smaller than her companion.


	Logged

Grevarius Rendragon

Aspiring Member

Gained Aura: 0
Offline

Offline

Gender: Male

Posts: 30

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #13 on: 04 December 2005, 11:09:00 »

Thank you both for the kind words regarding my first entry! It makes a fellow feel like he could write even more.

Regarding the placement of the new temple: I merely used the Plain of the Foresaken because I read somewhere that tribes had ventured forth there from Hjoreh. Are there any “undiscovered” folks lurking about to the Northwest of the Plain, at the foot of the Desert of Ysthalinth? If not, perhaps this group of fanatics ventured forth into the Plain from Hjoreh in the hopes of being better received by the “modern” Hjorians, but found them less than hospitable. Then, their leader concocted a “crusade” into the Desert of Ysthalinth, only to have it arrested by the sheer grandness of the Ysthalinth dunes and have settled at its edge. If not, they can be placed to the west of Hjoreh as suggested by Talia. Whichever is decided upon, let’s change the mention in the Drakona description accordingly so that Artimidor can still post it this weekend if he chooses.

Lastly, I would like to state that this new temple and its followers are not the norm and I do not want to place much significance in their beliefs. In truth, their significance to the whole is minimal other than as a tie in with the Library of Hjoreh and certain historical “events” that seem to be swirling about in my head at the moment.

Thanks again for approving the Drakona.

“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.”-- H.P. Lovecraft, "The Call of Cthulhu,”...even now, the light fades.


	Logged

Artimidor Federkiel

Administrator

Gained Aura: 512
Offline

Offline

Gender: Male

Posts: 22.636

Re: The Drakona

« Reply #14 on: 04 December 2005, 21:12:00 »

Just prepared the entry

Indeed not only a very lengthy, but also a very well researched one, as thoroughly embedded in the Caelerethian world as it coud be! So a big compliment in this respect, Grevarius, especially taking into account that this is your very first contribution, and it doesn't leave anything to be desired

And as I see our Aeruillin experts Artemis and Talia are also very happy with the outcome, so congratulations on getting everything right already at the first time! - Let's hope more such entries are to come in the near future! :thumbup

When preparing the entry for the site I moved some texts around a bit, e.g. the first two paragpraphs I've put behind the third one, simply to give the main overview on top (that's probably what people want to check first when they go to the entry). Also moving the first two paragraphs at the end of the overview still fits very well methinks, leading the reader slowly into the main entry.

Also I've moved the final parapgraph a bit up, integrating it directly into the text where the gem thingy is mentioned, I guess that's where it fits right in. Hope these small adjustments are fine with you!

I see there's still discussion on the Plain of the Foresaken, so if you make amendments at this point, make sure to mark them with another colour in the text, so that I can update the final version accordingly.

The Santharian Dream Webmaster - Let Fantasy Dreams come true!
World Development Admin - The Forum where Worlds are born...


	Logged

"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)

Pages: [1]

Santharian Development

Forum

Santharian World Development

The Santharian Bestiary (Moderators: Drasil Razorfang, Decipher Ziron, Jonael Tomeskrift)

The Drakona