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Author Topic: Melóráel  (Read 20303 times)
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colossuem
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« Reply #30 on: 04 September 2006, 04:26:10 »

I think you should take out the part about telapathy  I think its not realistic enough for santharia, but you could say they somehow are linked mentally like twins
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« Reply #31 on: 04 September 2006, 08:53:04 »

You know, this animals sound really cool. could be kinda cute by its description. almost like a gliding squirrel but telepathic.

i think its abilities are resonable, don't change them. ofcourse thats just my opinion but from the couple of sections i read it sounds pretty realistic.
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #32 on: 05 September 2006, 04:21:38 »

Well, I'm not satisfied with the entry as it is, Navar - I guess I've made a clear comment on telepathy and made suggestions how to rewrite this, and I don't see anything implemented in this regard. My comments were made to help you complete the entry, Navar, but you seem to have ignored them altogether.

"Praesidium" is still not any better, has a completely different sound and root, which is non-Santharian, as with the rest of the stuff I pointed out I suggest adjustments.
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Navar The Rogue Assassin
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« Reply #33 on: 11 September 2006, 14:03:53 »

Attention Mods
I must postpone the completion of my entry due to the fact that I would like to add a myth to explain the power of the unseen gods (telepathy) and I won't be able to do so with out more info on Nybelmarian history

 So until then I was curious if could go ahead and start another entry, well I appologize for the delay and hope that you  understand

                                                                                                ~ Navar ~
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Drasil Razorfang
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« Reply #34 on: 14 September 2006, 04:28:39 »

Navar, you can start as many entries as you wish.  I would however suggest that you finish and entry before you start another one as it is not difficult to accidentally forget it exists and let it slip into the enless depths of the boards, only to be re-awakened in future years.  Seeing as you will no longer be working on this, I am going to change your icon back to pencil for organizations sake.
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Navar The Rogue Assassin
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« Reply #35 on: 14 September 2006, 07:03:24 »

Oh no no no Drasil I will complete it and I won't soon forget it, it is my first and I have it saved on my coputer, its just that I want to add a muth section and can't do so until Nybelmar has a larger history.

So don't think Im done here, because I will finish as soon as I pocess the info I need.
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Drasil Razorfang
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« Reply #36 on: 14 September 2006, 07:51:03 »

In that case I wish you well on your next endeavour.  If you need ideas, look in our First sticky for something that may interest you(such as a revision or creating a proposed entry)
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Navar The Rogue Assassin
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« Reply #37 on: 18 October 2006, 10:13:56 »

Ok Drasil give it a look over and tell me what you think
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Drasil Razorfang
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« Reply #38 on: 20 October 2006, 09:50:03 »

Navar, your post confuses me.  The lines are hard to read through as well.  Please fix this before anyone checks over.  Also, Artimidor seemed very unhappy with the entry, so I hope you fixed most of the stuff he mentioned, for his authority by far over rides my own.
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #39 on: 20 October 2006, 16:23:42 »

Navar, forget the myth section for now and finish the entry as it is. Artimidor can add the myth anytime later as well. It is quite frustrating for commentators to help a submission grow and shortly before it is finished it is laid on ice. Don't expect, that we are keen on commenting new submissions when you gave up, even for some time, your old one. If you need some distance to it, that is ok. But it seems to me, that you are just annoyed. If you start several submissions on your comp for yourself, that is ok, but as soon as other people have put time and effort in it, it should be finished as soon as possible.
If you start a new project now you will need much more time to get into the old again. It is not a good idea to abandon something which has grown so far already.

As I said already, if you have a splendid new idea later, Artimidor is patient enough to integrate any changes.

And another question, I didn't read your entry, just skimmed over it and was very confused by the ourlined parts - have you skipped them?
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Drasil Razorfang
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« Reply #40 on: 21 October 2006, 01:28:48 »

Talia, I already mentioned that.  I think we should wait for his explanation before you judge him so harshly.  He has decided to start it up again and therefore is not abandoning the entry, nor has he started anything else on site that i know of.
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Ralhag Silverskin
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« Reply #41 on: 21 October 2006, 01:58:30 »

Mainly I will just show you typos, misspellings, etc...

In !!!

The Melóráel, literally translates into Shadow Eye, and this elusive animal is native to the Nybelmarian forests. This subtle little mammal swiftly glides through the trees unseen and with out notice.

Appearance

The Melóráel is roughly two palmspan long; one palmspan wide and generally weighs around a couple of hebs. Its tail is equal to the length of its body and feathers out at the end for extra stability while gliding.

 The Melóráel is covered from head to tail in a very unique, small layer, of transparent fur; the actual colour of its fur is unknown because this tiny mammal has the ability to change its fur colour.

The Melóráel is a quadruped that (with) a thin layer of skin stretching from its hind leg to its fore leg.  This skin is use for gliding from tree to tree. It uses its tiny claws to cling to almost every king of surface and their feet have very tiny groves that allow it to attach itself to even smoothest of surfaces.

The Melóráel has rather large ears that it uses to listen for approaching danger.  Its eyes are normally an ember color, however hazel and silver eyes have been reported. Its nose looks much like that of a cat and juts slightly from the face sloping down till it meets its mouth which is filled with tiny barbed teeth.

The Melóráel also has a furry tuft of hair on their chest which is used in their mating ritual.

Special Abilities

Being so small the Melóráel has to rely on its (keen, special, natural??) abilities to survive. The Melóráel has a very flexible neck and can almost turn its head all the way around giving it the ability to see all if its surroundings.

 The Melóráel can also change the colours of its fur to match its surrounding perfectly; it can imitate natural patterns and detail to become invisible to those who might be looking for it. It is able to do this by changing the colour of its skin which makes the transparent fur appear to change colour also. However, while gliding these animals are unable to camouflage themselves leaving them exposed and very vulnerable.

Theres a good start...

I'll be by when these are in, but I have always really liked this entry.  Very neat concept.  And cute to boot!

Ralhag
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Navar The Rogue Assassin
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« Reply #42 on: 21 October 2006, 06:20:20 »

Ok Ralhag, thanks for the in put, finished your suggestions and can't wait for more
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Arceon Barrurbeleth
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« Reply #43 on: 22 October 2006, 21:44:09 »

GRAMMAR

Quote
This skin is use for gliding from tree to tree. It uses its tiny claws to cling to almost every kind of surface and their feet have very tiny groves that allow it to attach itself to even smoothest of surfaces.

Just a few mistakes I noticed
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Drasil Razorfang
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« Reply #44 on: 22 October 2006, 22:03:19 »

...While it is appreciated that Navar uses proper english, if all you have to point out is one or two spelling mistakes, IMHO, its not really all that helpful.  Try looking at content next time, unless you are, like Ralhag drowning in mistakes.
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