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Author Topic: The Shadow Vial, artifact (unpaused)  (Read 2067 times)
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Arceon Barrurbeleth
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« on: 12 October 2006, 05:10:27 »

Unpausing the work on this artifact:

OVERVIEW

“Vial of the Mist” or “The Shadow Vial” is a mysterious artifact lost in the destruction of Fá'áv'cál'âr. It was originaly made to bring peace between elves in the empire. It was sacred to the elves so it was heavely guarded and only the high ranking citizens could enter the guarding place which is unknown.

Description

It is made of fine crystal like glass with strange letters carved into it. In it you can see a bright grey smoke rising from shiny purple crystals. The top of the Vial is sealed with a cap made of Mithril and Ithildin. On the top of the cap you can find a mighty red gem surrounded with three pearls.

Usage

Although many rouges used it, “The Shadow Vial” is also known around mages and wizards who use it for ceremonial purposes. The records show that one of those wizards used it even to make a flying spell, but the spell itself wasn’t successful and he died testing it. The duration of the invisibility given by the Vial is short, sometimes even under ten seconds (if used by an inexperienced person). The higher your knowledge in magic the longer will the invisibility effect last. It is hard to master the power of the Vial as it exerts your spirit and mental power a lot. There were cases when a user of the Vial was dead after appearing from the invisibility status. If you break the Vial while you are invisible you will disappear forever from this world.

History

The place where this artefact was made is unknown but the person that made it is famous all around the Caelereth, Xarl Bluestride. “The Shadow Vile” isn’t so popular as the famous Orb of Xarl Bluestride but it does represent him as well. It is told that the Vial was used by Feyronn the Drewynn in the time when he murdered those five young women although it is not known how it passed into the hands of Frian, a pour peasant from Santharia, it is only known that Frian lost it somewhere in the Zeiphyrian forests.

Myth/Lore

Although it is probably not true, the people of Santharia talk about that the Vial was made long ago, even before Xarl, from the smoke of the golden red dragon that served Foiros.   
« Last Edit: 07 November 2006, 17:24:23 by Arceon » Logged

Miraran Tehuriden
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« Reply #1 on: 12 October 2006, 06:38:42 »

Foiros didnt have golden red dragon servants. mainly because there are no golden red dragons, because we wouldn't be able to tell them apart from for instance, golden green, golden blue, or golden quilt dragons.... Also, Rogue is not spelled like r-o-u-g-e, 'cause that's make-up, and vial is not spelled v-i-l-e, 'cause that's 'evil'.

There is so much wrong with this entry i don't even know where to start.





yes, yes, i know, be nice to the newbies...

Arceon. For an idea what we want when designing an artifact, have a look at the "Midnight Blade" entry a bit below yours, by Kain Cristar.
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Avrah Kehabhra

"The whole POINT of Nybelmar is that no one has any idea whats going on, overly long entries keep it that way." - Decipher Ziron
Mina
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« Reply #2 on: 12 October 2006, 08:20:19 »

And stay away from magic if you aren't familiar with it. 

Edit:
Hmm...I think that came out too harsh.  Anyway, what I meant to say wasn't too different.  Basically, if you want to do anything related to magic (and artifacts definitely count), make sure you are at least somewhat familiar with the magic system involved (which in this case would be Ximaxian, probably the most complex one we have).  Also, I think the artifact as you have it might be somewhat fantastic.  I can imagine something like this in a D&D-esque world, but Caelereth is rather more mundane and fantastic.  Your choice of words also make it sound...RPG-ish, as if it was meant for some sword and sorcery game like D&D.  Mira is quite right.  You'd probably need to make quite a lot of changes before it becomes okay. 
« Last Edit: 12 October 2006, 20:15:54 by Mina » Logged

Eatherion
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« Reply #3 on: 14 October 2006, 10:48:32 »

Was feeling bored, so I thought I'd go through and try and fix your grammar/typos and spelling mistakes as best as I can :) Also, general comments if I think of any will be in there as well.

Overview

“Vial of the Mist” or “The Shadow Vial” is an artifact known mainly in rogue societies. Its magic is very strong so you have to be familiar with it before using it. The Vial is used to become invisible for a short duration of time. It often causes trouble for guards in large cities because they never know when a rogue will strike again.

Description

It is made of fine crystal-like glass with strange letters carved into it.(Strange letters? Perhaps, to give us a better visual perception of this artifact - describe what the letters are like? Do they appear elven? Dwarven? Orcish?) In it you can see a bright grey smoke rising from shiny purple crystals. The top of the Vial is sealed with a cap made of Mithril and Ithildin. On the top of the cap you can find a mighty red gem surrounded with three pearls.

Usage

Although many rogues used it, “The Shadow Vial” is also known around mages and wizards who use it for ceremonial purposes. The records show that one of those wizards used it even to make a flying spell, but the spell itself wasn’t successful and he died testing it. The duration of the invisibility given by the Vial is short, sometimes even under ten seconds (if used by an inexperienced person). The higher your knowledge in magic, the longer the invisibility effect will last. It is hard to master the power of the Vial as it exerts your spirit and mental power. There were cases when a user of the Vial was dead after re-appearing from the invisibility status. If you break the Vial while you are invisible you will disappear forever from this world.

History

The place where this artifact was made is unknown but the person that made it is famous all around the Caelereth, Xarl Bluestride. “The Shadow Vial” isn’t as popular as the famous Orb of Xarl Bluestride but it does represent him as well. It is told that the Vial was used by Feyronn the Drewynn in the time when he murdered those five young women although it is not known how it passed into the hands of Frian, a poor peasant from Santharia, it is only known that Frian lost it somewhere in the Zeiphyrian forests.

Myth/Lore

Although it is probably not true, the people of Santharia talk about that the Vial was made long ago, even before Xarl, from the smoke of the golden red dragon that served Foiros.   



Overall, it is an interesting idea, but for a magic artifact it seems to lack a bit in the area of why and how it works, not really justifying it in regards to the Ximaxian Magic System. (Of course, I'm not at all familiar with our magic system... yet) And I will have to agree with Mina when she says that it sounds very D&D-like.
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