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Author Topic: Sunth  (Read 13247 times)
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #30 on: 07 January 2007, 06:21:20 »

I see that not a single letter changed at the Overview (again that is), which I already mentioned above, so what should I make of that statement, Niccoli?
« Last Edit: 07 January 2007, 16:22:37 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged



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Niccoli
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« Reply #31 on: 07 January 2007, 12:11:15 »

I've edited the overview. so now I may say

It is: FINITO! *crosses fingers*
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« Reply #32 on: 07 January 2007, 16:37:32 »

Niccoli, if you have to cross your fingers then it probably isn't finished.  I guess you're probably finding it hard to keep track of the comments and what you have or haven't changed.  To help, here is what I reccommend you do: this is also what I do with all in-depth checks I recieve.

I would suggest that you copy and paste your updated version of the submission into a word document and then do the same with each of the reviews.  When you have done that, compare both checked documents to yours, line-by-line, to see if you have made all the requested changes.  If you have not made the changes, make them, or, if you disagree with or have a question about any of the requested changes, note it down so that you can post a reply to ask about them or tell your commentors why you have not made the changes.

This might sound like a long process, but it is what is required, and what all members do.  It is a courtesy to those who have taken the time to comment on your submission. Please make sure you have made all the changes before you post that you are finished, as a courtesy to those who have commented.
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« Reply #33 on: 08 January 2007, 00:12:53 »

Another suggestion would be to open up two browsers or tabs.  On the first, go to your entry and click the modify button, while in the second click reply.  If your uri is close to this latest reply, you should get a picture of it below the window that enables you to type.  From there, look at the comments and go back and forth between the windows.  Also, this way, when you have a problem with a comment, you can quote it from below and reply.
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Artimidor Federkiel
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« Reply #34 on: 10 January 2007, 06:12:30 »

Ok, let's take a closer look:

- "A pirate’s town on the shores of Manthria" is perhaps a bit too extreme, as pirates are not legal. You could say "labeled a pirate's town" for example.

- Mayor: As the entry is a Compendium entry, it should be somewhat independent from present stuff, as e.g. the mayor could die this year, and next year the entry would be outdated. You could mention something general, e.g. that "mayors" are often sel proclaimed in this town, and that Elias Reedbark was one of the most notorious of them, who came to power 1659 or so. This way you'd elegantly avoid mentioning him explicitely as the present mayor. The entry should be ideally written so that you can read it as accurate, even if Elias is gone already.

- Name of your plant is still missing.

- " The odd pinewood building exists on the outskirts of the town" - what building specifically are you talking about?

- "town of Sunth" - 600 souls isn't that much of a town...

- "de facto" Well, yes, I guess you can use that term, it's part of the English vocabulary.

- Beggars: If there are only rogues running around in Sunth, they wouldn't make much of a living, now would they? I suggested them however to give them an organized form. Sunth could be a place where the scum plans where to go next in order to beg, they could move from one place to another.

- "epynonymous" is a word not event leo.dict.org knows...

- I assume "Jonanthan Sygar" was an Avennorian pirate. "Jonanthan" definitely is not an Avennorian name. Name rules are still in the works, but you should try to make the names sound similar as to those as you find them in the Avennorian history table.

- "The men of the crew used the isle as a refuge" - isle? What isle? Where's an isle?

- When Deepgorge was closed isn't explicitly mentioned, only that it was "centuries ago". Let's say 4 centuries.

- History part is still a bit sketchy, needs to be elaborated better.

The place looks interesting, so once I put it up I might have some things to add here and there still in order to make it even more interesting if you like, I always am inspired with such places and try to help out with additional little tales and improved descriptions :) - I guess there are a few things you still need to work on, for example I don't see much of Black Butterfly Rovers, which would fit in here very well, but I could add something here also. But definitely this is already quite a nice entry, Niccoli - Places entries require a bit more work as you can see, but eventually they really define life in Santharia. A unique idea here so far, which could be still better realized at parts, though ;)

So see to adjust further things here, then I'll try to add more flesh when putting it up, okeydokey?  grin
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« Reply #35 on: 10 January 2007, 20:56:32 »

I can flesh it out myself. Any references to an isle are acidental holdovers. The odd pinewood building means that there are several, but they're few and far between, and no one uses them for much but storage.
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« Reply #36 on: 11 January 2007, 04:16:06 »

Well, okeydokey then - see to flesh it out even more, Niccoli, and we're slowly getting there where we'd like to arrive ;)
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« Reply #37 on: 27 January 2007, 00:05:17 »

alright, my annoying forced hiatus ( angry ) is over and i can get back to doing this. HOORAY!
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« Reply #38 on: 31 January 2007, 11:53:54 »

In reply to some earlier comment from Art.

With respect to the Sygar thing, I was hoping to write a semi-mythical sort of aura about him. The man is going to be non avennorian for sure, and maybe have hyperdactility on one hand. (Think Hannibal Lecter meets jack sparrow(on second thought, just someone with an extra finger meets captain jack sparrow)) Which would make him distinctive non?
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« Reply #39 on: 02 February 2007, 05:36:40 »

Well, always make sure to actually mark what you've changed so that commentators know what you actually changed since last time, so that they don't need to read through the whole entry again, which they already know pretty much. No need to mark small changes like the substitution of a name, but anything substantially changed should be in colour.

So yeah, finish this one up, give your Sygar a semi-mythical aura, why not? :) - Then it makes sense to check again!
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« Reply #40 on: 02 February 2007, 21:02:53 »

Well I think he has the aura already, I'd been intending to do a tie in entry on Sygar. I know it should be in colour, but at this point, i've changed so much in the entry it's not even funny.
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« Reply #41 on: 09 February 2007, 05:10:37 »

I'm not exactly sure where to go with this now...  undecided
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« Reply #42 on: 09 February 2007, 05:37:34 »

Well, for one the history table needs mandatory captions at each event, so you should add those.

Personally I'm not that thrilled with the Description part, which usually is the heart of a Places entry. I've mentioned quite a bit of what you could do in this respect while I checked the entry in detail last time, yet see little realized at that part - actually nothing at all if I see that correctly. So this always makes a second check problematic, especially when changes aren't marked in colour. The plant in the Description section still hasn't got a name.

People part was improved, definitely much better now. Resources part as well, History was added, Mythology section still should be Myth/Lore and contain a few more lore stuff if possible.

So I see some very nice improvements, but it's still quite half-baked at parts. Try to elaborate more on these parts, and then we're much closer to the finishing line!
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« Reply #43 on: 11 February 2007, 11:19:31 »

right, so, having looked at some of the earlier comments (third set, on this page)

- "town of Sunth" - 600 souls isn't that much of a town...
Could I call it a hamlet?
I'm doing edits quickly, I'll take a look at the Black Butterfly rovers to see if they would do well in the area. I was thinking pine as the plant, maybe yew trees, or birch.
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« Reply #44 on: 11 February 2007, 16:24:23 »

A "hamlet" would be the other extreme, you need much less inhabitants to call it that, at least we have treated it that way. A "hamelt" is shown on our Manthrian map as a simple hut, yet here we have two houses. Suggest to go simply with "village."
« Last Edit: 11 February 2007, 16:31:26 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
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