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Author Topic: Sunth  (Read 14066 times)
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Niccoli
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« Reply #45 on: 31 July 2007, 21:29:21 »

Back on track then.
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Niccoli
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« Reply #46 on: 01 August 2007, 21:20:28 »

All references to town have been removed with extreme predjudice and replaced with village.  grin
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« Reply #47 on: 01 August 2007, 22:40:26 »

Hi Niccoli! :)

"Sunth is one of the great cesspools of the continent."

I doubt that a village of 600 souls can be  "one of the great cesspool of the continent" , one of many, but not "great" in rference to the Sarvonian continent.

A pity you didn't colour any of your changes (apart from replacing town with village). Please don't forget it when you get your next (last?) proofread.
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Niccoli
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« Reply #48 on: 01 August 2007, 23:28:57 »

It's really not a habit of mine. I could try, but I'd get lost halfway along the road and forget.
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« Reply #49 on: 07 August 2007, 04:49:00 »

Sorry that it too me a while to get back to you, Niccoli, but last week I was pretty busy. Anyway, let's see what we've got here. Some comments:

- Talia is right with her comments, so better reword a bit what she mentions:

Quote
I doubt that a village of 600 souls can be  "one of the great cesspool of the continent" , one of many, but not "great" in rference to the Sarvonian continent.

- The term "pirates village" perhaps is a bit extreme. You know, Santharia is a nice kingdom, and you wouldn't just say - at least not officially - that it's the home of "pirates". So you might just twist that a bit and say that people refer to it as a "pirates village".

- "eastern shores of Manthrian province" - maybe give a tiny little bit of reference, like "North of XYZ", "West of XYZ". So that the read gets an idea where it is without having to look for it on a map in detail.

- Side note: I will try to get soon to something that will be called "Manthrian Locations Overview" or something similar. In it I will list the name of the location, the amount of inhabitants and the ethnicity in the first line, then the Overview part will be put below (closed on startup via script). That way you can look a the towns, villages etc. and whatever interests you, you can examine in more detail.

To make it short: In the future it is recommendable to mention races living in that location (humans here), and the predominating tribes (Avennorians, Sophronians here most likely) should be mentioned as well.

- Description.  Here, when you write: "most of which are filled with drunken sailors, sly con men, or some manner of drunken or hungover rabble" - this is all written a tiny little wee bit too factual, you know. It's as if it is perfectly normal for a Compendium writer and official representative of the kingdom that con men walk around there. Just hide that a bit and say that you "might stumble upon con men", write it a bit indirectly - that makes it more realistic, as a Compendiumist is supposed to be as objective as possible.

- Temples: Well, temples are usually a bit larger structures, so maybe make that a chapel, or just a small shrine somewhere? Would fit the environment better, don't you think? Maybe these shrine and/or chapel aren't tended that well neither, could be mentioned as well.

- Location. Now that's how it should be! :)

- People. Here as well, a bit more objectivism is recommended. Like "You won't hear it from the 'village officials' directly (it won't be that easy to find those anyway), but it doesn't take much to discover that the place represents a good soil for any kind of underground blokes". Something like that. Ideas are fine, just a bit polishing in this direction should be done.

- The origin of Sunth's people from miners of Deepgorge could be mentioned here a bit to explain why such scum ended up here - and it only got worse!

- You mention "trade" in the Climate section. Well, you might expand that to the criminal variety of "trade here in the people section, and suggest that there were cases of smuggling there that couldn't be entirely eliminated by raids of the Santhrans troops. Or that you might find a good fence (someone who helps you to sell stolen goods).

- Coat of Arms. Well, this one's peculiar, isn't it? You could mention that this really represents the people you will find here, and was perhaps done with some sort of irony - to seperate the village from others. To tell people where they really are. Also to keep the king's men away, to show them that there's nothing noble here, that own laws apply here.

- You mention sometimes "town", while we're dealing here with a "village" of about 600 souls.

The rest looks quite fine to me, Niccoli! Just one more revision I'd say and this one will be a great addition to our eastern Manthrian coast! We definitely lacked such a place, and now we've got it! :D  thumbup
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« Reply #50 on: 07 August 2007, 05:19:27 »

Well I've been doing som reasearch on pirates and the like. WE DON'T HAVE ANY entries on ships, at all. In the compendium. I'd like to do a Triton (avennorian ship, it's mentioned in one of the "old game" (non rpg, somewhere on the site.) reports with a transcript of the game. 
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Like all tritons the toy also has three masts with main sails and smaller sails on top. While the toy ship has a length of only approximately half a ped, the original triton is 100 peds in length and has 20 peds width and harbours up to 300 men. You can also see little metallic spears on the toy ship, representing harpoons used for whaling. Even small pieces of rope were glued on top of the ship, and a likewise firmly attached captain carved from wood looks into the distance.
There's also a picture of a Barek. I just think it manthria (being costal) to get some ships together to actually get trading going (otherwise we'd all have to slog overland to get things anywhere.).
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« Reply #51 on: 07 August 2007, 05:25:38 »

Well, there is at least a basic ship entry on Avennorian Ships. And an entry on the Ducraer boat.
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« Reply #52 on: 07 August 2007, 06:32:29 »

right, so I've gotten all the village entires removed. Kneef I think is a hamlet, (one building) so i've named it as such.
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« Reply #53 on: 09 August 2007, 05:15:56 »

If you're done completely with the changes, Niccoli, let me know!
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« Reply #54 on: 11 August 2007, 15:25:57 »

Erm... I've received your message, but: Do you want to say that despite my comments there is nothing to change except the word "town" to "village"? The adjustments I requested are pretty minor, yet they were made to help you finalize the entry. As I see no efforts made towards that, how could I put it up, Niccoli?
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« Reply #55 on: 12 August 2007, 01:41:41 »

I can't figure out what else is missing.
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« Reply #56 on: 12 August 2007, 02:57:39 »

Have you read my comments?

First three words: "A pirate’s village" and already ignored.
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