* 
Welcome Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


*
gfxgfx Home Forum Help Search Login Register   gfxgfx
gfx gfx
gfx
Pages: [1] 2
Print
Author Topic: The Fall of Night - Sá Chuhán Corís  (Read 6331 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Falethas Whisperwind
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 8
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 356


Master of the Endless Winds


View Profile
« on: 12 December 2006, 06:17:06 »

:EDIT:  Changes are indicated in yellow.

I thought I'd present a small entry for the Library, which, if added to the Compendium, would be my first entry for the Site...  grin

So anyways, I was thinking to myself today that there is far too little poetry in Styrásh in the Compendium and decided I would try my hand at creating some and see how well it was accpeted, so here goes. 

It's a short poem - a haiku, when translated into English, but more of a free verse in its Styrásh form - about the fall of night (well, obviously... haha) entitled, quite appropriately, Sá Chuhán Corís.  I provide here the poem with a line-by-line literal translation following, and then finally the meaning of the poem at the end.

Sá Chuhán Corís

Cortát quaelarthím naís sá injèrá
Quél aér'aí'chanthé maachí.
Avenniát sá silarná.

The Fall of-Night

Turns she glow of-hers the sun
Away from-world sleeping.
Awakens she the moon.

The Fall of Night

The Sun turns her face
Away from the sleeping world.
The Moon awakens.

So.... what do you all think?  :)
« Last Edit: 29 December 2006, 01:36:33 by Ysuran Auondril » Logged

Epthaeranté á sáh pheranía sáh alyría; ahmantát naithím sá sae'llán styaeyías.
"The rain whispers down through the trees; elvish music will rise in answer."
Mirmec Rethindor
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 0
Offline Offline

Posts: 197



View Profile
« Reply #1 on: 12 December 2006, 06:28:19 »

Thats very creative, i of course have no background in Styrash to evaluate it, though a normal haiku is 5-7-5, so i'm not sure what pattern you are doing?

Still maybe the haiku in Styrash language is 9-8-9 perhaps? so maybe you develop the art form then you develop the art? That way you get a double entry credit.

Still very creative, hope you finish it.
Logged

~~Voice of music's heart wrung from the wood.~~
Falethas Whisperwind
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 8
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 356


Master of the Endless Winds


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: 12 December 2006, 07:12:15 »

Added the rest of the post a little sooner than I expected to... comment away, ye merry bards! grin
« Last Edit: 12 December 2006, 07:31:18 by Ysuran Auondril » Logged

Epthaeranté á sáh pheranía sáh alyría; ahmantát naithím sá sae'llán styaeyías.
"The rain whispers down through the trees; elvish music will rise in answer."
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.653


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #3 on: 13 December 2006, 14:29:05 »

Lovely!

Truly, a lovely, lilting piece, with elven melody AND motif.

One can't take apart a haiku syllable by syllable any more than one can dissect a butterfly; it either flies, or it doesn't... and yes, this one floats lightly as a Ceruwing on a Tareptail gone to seed.


One quibble/clarification which is probably just my error:

I'd pronounce 'quaelarthím' as KHWAY-lar-theme  or  even KHWAY-lair-theme - rhyming with "Way far stream" or "Slay their scheme" :P

You seem to have it as  kwye-lahr-THEEM...   apart from the accent on the last syllable, are you also sounding the first syllable as  KWHY (or  KHUH'WHY), rhyming with 'my', 'sigh', 'thai' and 'bye'?

  (I wish more people, including myself, actually knew the universal phonetic alphabet.  I can't even get a circumflex or acute mark out of my computer, far less all those funky symbols.... but I can see how useful they would be in situations like this!)
Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Falethas Whisperwind
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 8
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 356


Master of the Endless Winds


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: 13 December 2006, 20:32:17 »

Thank you for your comments, Bard!  grin

And, in answer to your question, I do hear it rhyming with 'my' and 'why.'  I think that's more of me coming straight to Styrásh from Sindarin, as Tolkien always had 'ae' make the 'eye' sound.
And concerning the stress upon the last syllable: I remember that we've been told that the accent represents stress in some way, and, if that isn't the case and my memory lies to me, my support for the stress assignment would be that the Elven Principles page states that stress usually falls upon the last syllable of Styrásh words.

Again, thank you for commenting!  :D
Logged

Epthaeranté á sáh pheranía sáh alyría; ahmantát naithím sá sae'llán styaeyías.
"The rain whispers down through the trees; elvish music will rise in answer."
Drasil Razorfang
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 47
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 2.034



View Profile
« Reply #5 on: 14 December 2006, 00:49:37 »

Just as a fun fact, Tolkien was not the first to have ae make an eye sound.  Correct me if I am mistaken, but I was under the impression that Tolkien's elven language had many direct influences from latin(this apparently being one of them)  In latin, ae, or the plural feminie ending the nominative, and the singular genative, makes the eye sound as well.
Logged
Falethas Whisperwind
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 8
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 356


Master of the Endless Winds


View Profile
« Reply #6 on: 15 December 2006, 05:57:32 »

I am aware that Tolkien wasn't the first to make 'ae' have an 'eye' sound; it occurs in many natural languages besides Latin as well (most noticeably, in Spanish).  It's just that I have studied Sindarin for far longer than I have studied Latin and so therefore cited it.
I wouldn't necessarily say that Tolkien's Elven languages were directly influenced by Latin, as I am pretty sure that Latin didn't have lenition patterns and plurality mutations.  He did, however, often refer to his High Elven language as 'Elf-Latin', so maybe that's where you heard it?
Anyways, let's focus back on the poem, guys.  Any suggestions?
Logged

Epthaeranté á sáh pheranía sáh alyría; ahmantát naithím sá sae'llán styaeyías.
"The rain whispers down through the trees; elvish music will rise in answer."
Mina
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 63
Offline Offline

Posts: 2.834



View Profile
« Reply #7 on: 15 December 2006, 06:38:11 »

Don't forget about this.  "ae" is something like /ɛ/ or /æ/, not /ae/ or /ai/.  "h" could be [ h ] or [ x ], depending on its position.  When beginning a syllable, I think it's most likely [ h ].  I'm not sure whether "ch" is always /x/, but Arti hasn't said otherwise, so let's go with that. 

So, phonetically, what you wrote should look something like this:
/'sa xu.'han ko.'ris/

/kor.'tat 'na kwɛ.lar.'θim na.'is 'sa in.ʒø.'ra/
/'kwel a.'er.a.'i.xan.'θe ma:.'xi/
/a.ven.ni.'at 'na 'sa si.lar.'na/

I'm not sure Arti meant for aér'aí'chán to have so many syllables.  I suspect he meant it to be /ær.ai.xan/ or something like that, and only much later creating the orthography rules.  Then again, I don't think I asked him whether "aé" i supposed to be a stressed /æ/ or /a.'e/. 

Also, I'm not quite sure why you call it a haiku.  It doesn't look particularly like one to me.  Other than that, I don't really have any comments about the poem.  I know nuts about poetry.   :(
Logged

Falethas Whisperwind
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 8
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 356


Master of the Endless Winds


View Profile
« Reply #8 on: 15 December 2006, 09:08:38 »

I merely posted the words as they sounded in my head the moment that I wrote them.  I haven't yet hammered the confirmed values into my head, so that's what came out.  As a matter of fact, I think that I'll go ahead and delete the whole pronunciation part of the post, as it seems to be attracting more attention than the actual poem itself.

Also, I didn't call it a haiku.  I wrote the poem in English and it worked out to be a haiku, and then I translated it into Styrásh.  In its elven form, it's more of a free verse.
Logged

Epthaeranté á sáh pheranía sáh alyría; ahmantát naithím sá sae'llán styaeyías.
"The rain whispers down through the trees; elvish music will rise in answer."
Artimidor Federkiel
Administrator
*****

Gained Aura: 538
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 23.098



View Profile Homepage
« Reply #9 on: 21 December 2006, 05:54:42 »

Ok, let's see if the Styrásh is correct... I would translate the English text as follows:

Sá Chuhán Corís

Cortát quaelarthím naís sá injèrá
Quél sá aér'aí'chanthé maachí.
Avenniát sá silarná.

Title:
Fine.

Line1:
"ná" not necessary, the subject is "the sun", and that is translated.

Line2:
"sá" would be added in here correctly.

Line 3:
"ná" isn't the necessary. You only need to translate "the moon" and "rises".

So the text seems to be translated quite nicely with some article problems, but in general nice job as you got all the correct cases, including the ablative and you even constructed a nice walkaround when dealing with the "face", which wasn't in the vocabulary.

I can't say much about haiku-ness of the poem, as I'm not that familiar what defines a haiku etc. Anyway, we could make it a wise elvish saying, of which they could have many, and in which eternal wisdom is buried. These sayings could have special names, so if you're feeling inventive, Ysuran, you could try looking through the dictionary and find a nice word for that. For humans such a saying perhaps could look just like stating a mere boring fact, but an elf could see the universe breathe though it, don't you think?
Logged



"Between the mind that plans and the hands that build there must be a mediator, and this must be the heart." -- Maria (Metropolis)
Falethas Whisperwind
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 8
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 356


Master of the Endless Winds


View Profile
« Reply #10 on: 21 December 2006, 09:54:15 »

Thanks for the grammar check, Art!  hug

About the articles, I saw them in the grammar page as appearing after the conjugated form of the verb, and assumed that they were supposed to be there to indicate the gender of the verb's subject. Now I know, though!  ;)  Does that mean that my sig would translate as selianté sóh avashín rather than selianté noí sóh avashín, since ''winds'' is translated?

Also, I'm not quite sure that I followed the second half of your post; it was a little vague.  What, exactly, were you wanting me to coin a word for?
Logged

Epthaeranté á sáh pheranía sáh alyría; ahmantát naithím sá sae'llán styaeyías.
"The rain whispers down through the trees; elvish music will rise in answer."
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.653


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #11 on: 22 December 2006, 11:39:17 »

A word for 'wise elvish saying' - or, if you prefer, I guess, 'philosophical elven poem based on nature'... :)
Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Falethas Whisperwind
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 8
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 356


Master of the Endless Winds


View Profile
« Reply #12 on: 29 December 2006, 01:37:38 »

Innocent bump...  grin
Logged

Epthaeranté á sáh pheranía sáh alyría; ahmantát naithím sá sae'llán styaeyías.
"The rain whispers down through the trees; elvish music will rise in answer."
Falethas Whisperwind
Newbie
*

Gained Aura: 8
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 356


Master of the Endless Winds


View Profile
« Reply #13 on: 30 December 2006, 07:04:34 »

Alrighty then... I don't know that there's anything else this poem needs, really, so I'll edit the top post with a little backstory and wait for some approval, hopefully!  grin
Logged

Epthaeranté á sáh pheranía sáh alyría; ahmantát naithím sá sae'llán styaeyías.
"The rain whispers down through the trees; elvish music will rise in answer."
Bard Judith
Santh. Member
***

Gained Aura: 365
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7.653


Dwarvenmistress


View Profile Homepage
« Reply #14 on: 30 December 2006, 11:27:49 »

If the Styrash is right, and since Art has checked it I'll assume so :), I don't see why this can't be given the integration mark.  It would be nice to have a bit of a IC backstory (such as:  "This lyrical small poem is a 'steléyr' (metrical form used by the Ahrlrenhim elves to record their musings about nature), collected and translated by Ysuran Auondril for the Compendium..."   or whatever....) to go with it - such a backstory would allow you to add more similar poems as time goes on and you are inspired - or other people want to try their hand at 'steléyri'!



Logged

"Give me a land of boughs in leaf /  a land of trees that stand; / where trees are fallen there is grief; /  I love no leafless land."   --A.E. Housman
 
Pages: [1] 2
Print
Jump to:  

Recent
[27 March 2019, 00:01:57]

[21 June 2018, 14:28:00]

[31 May 2017, 06:35:55]

[06 May 2017, 05:27:04]

[03 April 2017, 01:15:03]

[26 March 2017, 12:48:25]

[15 March 2017, 02:23:07]

[15 March 2017, 02:20:28]

[15 March 2017, 02:17:52]

[14 March 2017, 20:23:43]

[06 February 2017, 04:53:35]

[31 January 2017, 08:45:52]

[15 December 2016, 15:50:49]

[26 November 2016, 23:16:38]

[27 October 2016, 07:42:01]

[27 September 2016, 18:51:05]

[11 September 2016, 23:17:33]

[11 September 2016, 23:15:27]

[11 September 2016, 22:58:56]

[03 September 2016, 22:22:23]
Members
Total Members: 1089
Latest: c4r0lyn18
Stats
Total Posts: 144684
Total Topics: 11053
Online Today: 337
Online Ever: 337
(Today at 02:38:29)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 89
Total: 89

Last 10 Shouts:
24 October 2019, 13:31:22
Hi and happy 2019 shoutout from me.
22 February 2019, 06:47:10
A delightful 2019 shout-out to you all ^^
21 November 2018, 23:39:14
Seems none of us can stay away ..
09 March 2018, 23:37:46
Dream goes on as long as there are dreamers my friend.
17 January 2018, 01:23:22
Oh, how I wish we could reawaken the Dream :)
16 January 2018, 11:55:48
Hello everyone!
14 September 2017, 09:40:04
Hello all! It's been a minute since I poked my nose in here. Can't remember if I ever did anything useful.
09 May 2017, 14:17:18
Ah, too bad that internet is so restricted in China, Ferra. Can't be much fun surfing the web that way if Big Brother's watching you... Hope you enjoy your stay nevertheless!
03 May 2017, 17:41:19
Hi, dear Arti and other developers!

This year I am in China and cannot use any Google services including YouTube. For this reason I stopped uploading new Nepris videos. I can also not read any comments there.

It just crossed my mind that this information might be useful to you.

Cheers

F
26 March 2017, 12:48:56
Hello to anyone that might read this. :)
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2005, Simple Machines
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc
Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Theme based on Cerberus with Risen adjustments by Bloc and Krelia
Modified By Artimidor for The Santharian Dream
gfx
gfxgfx gfxgfx