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Author Topic: Kruswik Hopper, Sarvonian lizard- Checked and Ready  (Read 7915 times)
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Arceon Barrurbeleth
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« on: 04 January 2007, 04:03:00 »

OVERVIEW:

Named after their incredible ability to jump almost one ped high, which is concerning their height (roughly twenty nailsbreadths) very high, Kruswik hoppers are fierce predators and fast runners. These small lizards hunt in massive swarms, tearing apart land animals bit after bit. Always hungry, Hopper swarms prowl the plains they inhabit and have no compunctions about what they eat. They are small, fast and can quickly overcome their fear of strange or unusual creatures that may stumble into they territory.

APPEARANCE:
Do not get fooled by the small size of these beasts, because they make up for it with their speed and excellent ability to hunt. The average height of Kruswik Hoppers is twenty nailsbreadths; the average width is ten nailsbreadths while the weight varies from one to one and a half do. This structure, with their light bones allows, these hunters to jump almost a ped high.
 
Two layers of scales cover the body, although the head (and limbs) is not covered with them at all which enables fast movements of their neck so they can easily find their place in the heat of struggle. Lower scales are smaller, light green in color. The upper layer of scales is dark green. These scales serve as very good protection and are hard to notice, especially in thick flora. Due to the fact that the young ones do not have the upper layer of scales (which is harder than the lower one) and are slower than the rest of the group, they are the weaker part of Hopper swarm thus making an excellent target for an attack of other predators.

The head of a Kruswik Hopper is the most interesting part of its body. Prolonged flattened snout reaches the length of a palmspan. There is only one hole through which the Hopper breeds and it is protected with a slimy layer, which acts as a filter. A row of sharp pointed teeth finds its place in Hopper's mouth. The two fangs are longer than the rest of beast's arsenal and are specially shaped in a backwards hook shape for leaving a wound that will bleed for a long time. The creature, for opening the wound that it causes by a bite, uses a small fork shaped blue tongue.

 We can recognize a male from the female by a crest which jutting from animal's fifteen nailsbreadths long neck. This crest is of darker green color than the upper layer of Hopper's scales and it has three pointed tops, which go from the highest (five nailsbreadths) to the lowest (two nailsbreadths).  Eyes are shaped in perfect circle and are located just a half of a nailsbreadth far from the snout on the skull. The exact color of the eyes is unknown because they are iridescent. This happens due to the fact that they have several lids, which help them see well in the darkness of their lairs as well as on the sunlight.

The body of the Kruswik Hopper is adapted for running, which is possibly the most useful ability of these creatures (other than jumping). Their bodies are slim and are more protected then the head, the scales protect their body so the possible smaller injuries that a Hopper can get will not affect it much.

The legs are also adapted for running and jumping. Strong muscles surround the bone legs of these small lizards. The heel has three claws, one on the backside and two on the front side, although these creatures use only the two front ones for walking or running. The hands are slim with four small claws on the palms.


SPECIAL ABILITIES:

The intelligence of Kruswik Hoppers is known all over the territory they dwell in, it is mostly recognized in their amazing hunting ability and in their smart "architecture" of their habitats. When Kruswik Hopper swarm begins its massive attack, the prey has very little opportunities to escape or even defend itself properly before these little lizards overwhelm it. Also they use their ability to jump high for larger prey or for quick retreats.

TERRITORY:

As the name suggests Kruswik Hoppers scour the Kruswik plain in central Sarvonia.

HABITAT:

These little Sarvonian lizards leave on the open plain of Kruswik. They make their nests in rare grass bushes or even on an open plain. Their holes are spread all over Kruswik and there is danger of stepping into on  of them, in which case you should move very quickly out of it or face much more terrible consequences. The holes have a round entry point with grass hiding it from preying eyes.

The inside of a hole is much more roomier than it looks from outside with two rooms where each of them is around one square ped. One of those rooms is used for egg keeping and there is where mother dig the eggs into the ground for incubation. The second room is where the parents sleep after a long day (or night) hunt.
 

BEHAVIOUR:

The Hoppers live in so-called ‘’swarms’’-large groups for almost a hundred members, with nearly ¼ of young lizards and another ¼ of unhatched eggs. These creatures don't spend much time in their lairs and can hunt for days. When they eventually get tired of hunting, they retreat into their homes and sleep for about 15 hours before going on to another hunt.

As the researches noticed, Kruswik Hopper's year is divided in four sessions:

1.  The Sleeping Session-from the beginning of Turning Star to
the beginning of Awakening Earth

A period of the year when Kruswik Hoppers are less active then normal. 
Their usual activities in this time of the year include: care for younglings, rare hunting, sleeping.

2. The Love Session-from the beginning of Awakening Earth to the end   of Changing Winds

At the beginning of this period the Hopper look for their mates and at the end females of the species bury the eggs into their common lairs.

3. The Great Hunt Session-from the end of Changing Wind to the beginning of Fallen Leaf (the longest session)

The Hoppers start to gather food for the winter.

4. The Territory Clash Session- From the beginning of Fallen Leaf to the beginning of Turning Star

In this period of the year the young lizards reach adulthood and are fighting for new lairs. The older seek to make new lairs and are also involved  into fighting.

DIET:

The Kruswik Hoppers can eat almost every warm-blooded creature ( even  heavily armed humans or ferocious beasts), though they cannot eat cold-blooded reptiles.

Kruswik Hoppers chase the prey on the plains they inhabit trying to take it down or kill it instantly. The fastest Hoppers run just behind the prey while other members of the swarm chase it at larger distance. When the fastest Hopper or Hoppers succeed in jumping on to their prey and wound it with their claws or teeth, the prey usually slows down so the rest of the swarm can get to it and start their ferocious attack.

There were some eyewitnesses that can verify the strength and the lust for hunt these lizards demonstrate.


As told by Travelling Merchant- Kirkuck Kuraine:

An old traveller saw the swarm rushing towards a cow, which peacefully ate the grass on a quiet night.   
The first waves of attackers jump on the cow, which was unable to defend itself or run away. The second wave attacked the shepherd who was able to knock some of them with his stick. After a couple of minutes there were nothing left of either the shepherd or the cow and the Hoppers fought about the leftovers of their prey. Although the old man was on quite a distance looking all of this, he was so afraid of the Hoppers that he ran away to nearest household and stayed there while
twenty men from that household went to get rid of the Hoppers infesting their pasture... only ten returned.


MATING:

Not much is known about the mating of these creatures because the mating process itself is performed inside the lair. But it is well known from the famous human egg-hunter Worril Sayan and his notes that male's crest changes color from green to red when he is ready for mating. It is also known that the eggs remain in the lair, couple of nailsbreadths in the ground until they hatch. The life of the young is hard and includes learning about hunt and speed.


RESEARCHERS

The only noted researcher of these creatures is Worril Sayan, a Helcrani man who discovered the value of Hopper eggs. He was killed on one of his egg-thefts by a quick Hopper claw stroke in the head. The only thing that was found was his journal that contained a lot of information about Kruswik Hoppers and their lifestyle.

USAGES:

The scales of Kruswik Hoppers are used in jewellery making and decorating armour. Actually the lower scales are usually used for making all sorts of rings, amulets, even fabric (if processed in water right). The upper layer of scales is used for decorating armour and swords, where the Hopper's scales are found on hilts and on the blunt side of blades.
Apart from the value of their scales, the eggs of Kruswik Hopper are very nutritious and healthy but due to the danger of collecting the very same eggs, egg hunters are pretty rare.   
.   
« Last Edit: 25 February 2007, 18:04:58 by Artimidor Federkiel » Logged

Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #1 on: 04 January 2007, 04:06:10 »

Nice start, My detailed comments will come later this week. Can I please ask for two things to be changed:

1. Could you please leave a clear empty line between each paragraph, it will make it read easier

2. Could you please make the headings stand out (make them bold, change their colour ECT.)

Just so that it is easier to read
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Arceon Barrurbeleth
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« Reply #2 on: 04 January 2007, 04:08:50 »

Will do!
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Arceon Barrurbeleth
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« Reply #3 on: 18 January 2007, 05:43:07 »

Pheew....

Well, enjoy reading it and I hope you would like it.
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Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #4 on: 18 January 2007, 07:12:42 »

I don't have time for a thorough check now, but I'd like to say "Good work!"  You've obviously worked hard on this and tried to integrate it carefully.  I am assuming that English is not your first language, since there are a number of minor spelling/grammatical mistakes, but those are easy to fix.  It is only when people are unable to be realistically creative or to take constructive critiques that we have  trouble helping them.  If you would like, I can do a check for spelling/grammar after it has been edited for content.

Congratulations on a promising entry!

Alysse the Likely
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« Reply #5 on: 18 January 2007, 09:09:29 »

Hullo, Arceon!  Sorry that I've only just looked at this: it's cool!  May I make a small but salient suggestion?

If you were to decrease the size drastically, they would not only be more realistic (half a ped is a pretty large lizard!) but they would fill the ecological niche of grasshoppers or locusts... which I don't think we have at all.  And having a lizard rather than an insect as a 'swarming plague' is very creative.  Please consider it!
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Arceon Barrurbeleth
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« Reply #6 on: 19 January 2007, 02:07:26 »

Height changed in lime-green!
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Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #7 on: 19 January 2007, 02:36:01 »

Spelling/Grammar Errors (that I have corrected)

Suggestions/Comments



OVERVIEW:

Named after their incredible ability to jump almost one ped high, which is ,concerning their height, (roughly twenty nailsbreadths) very high, Kruswik hoppers are fierce predators and fast runners. These small lizards hunt in massive swarms, tearing apart land animals bit after bit. Always hungry (why are they always hungry, perhaps you could elaborate on this in the diet section?), Hopper swarms prowl the plains they inhabit and have no compunctions about what they eat. They are small, fast and can quickly overcome their fear of strange or unusual creatures that may stumble into they territory.

APPEARANCE:
Do not get fooled by the small size of these beasts, because they make up their size for it with their speed and excellent ability to hunt. The highest  Hopper ever seen reached about to twenty-five nailsbreadths high and ten nailsbreadths in width while the average height is about 15-20 nailsbreadths (I'm not sure what you mean here, and shouldn't it be tallest not highest). The average weight of these pesky little creatures is about one od. This structure, with their light bones, allows these hunters to jump almost a ped high.
 
Two layers of scales cover the skin of these beasts: lower scales are smaller, bright blue on females and bright red on males, especially bright in mating season. The upper layer of scales is always dark green except on Hopper younglings, which do not have the upper layer (what do you mean by upper scales and lower scales? I don't understand this bit). These scales serve as very good protection and are nice to see, especially in the sunset. Due to the fact that the young ones do not have the upper layer of scales (which is harder than the lower one) and are slower than the rest of the group, they are the weaker part of Hopper swarm thus making an excellent target for an attack of other predators.

The head of a Kruswik Hopper is the most interesting part of it's body. Prolonged flattened snout reaches the length of a palmspan. There is only one hole through which the Hopper breeds and it is protected with a slimy layer, which acts as a filter. A row of sharp pointed teeth finds it's place in Hopper's mouth. The two fangs are longer than the rest of beast's arsenal and are specially shaped in a backwards hook shape for leaving a wound that will bleed for a long time. The creature, for opening the wound that it causes by a bite, uses a small fork shaped blue tongue.

 We can recognize a male from the female by a crest which jutting from animal's fifteen nailsbreadths long neck. This crest is of darker green color than the upper layer of Hopper's scales and it has three pointed tops, which go from the highest (five nailsbreadths) to the lowest (two nailsbreadths).  Eyes are shaped in perfect circle and are located just a half of a nailsbreadth far from the snout on the skull. The exact color of the eyes is unknown because it quickly changes from blue to green, then red, purple and pink(how and why does it change colour?)

The body of the Kruswik Hopper is adapted for running, which is possibly the most useful ability of these creatures (other than jumping). Their bodies are slim and are more protected then the head, the scales are harder so the possible smaller injuries that a Hopper can get will not affect it much.

The legs are also adapted for running and jumping. Strong muscles surround the bone legs of these small lizards. The heel has three claws, one on the backside and two on the front side, although these creatures use only the two front ones for walking or running. The hands are slim with four small claws on the palms.

 SPECIAL ABILITIES:
The cunningness of Kruswik Hoppers is known all over the territory they dwell in, it is mostly recognized in their amazing hunting ability. Kruswik Hoppers are crafty and patient hunters that will stalk the prey for strals before closing in for the kill (Why do they have such brilliant hunting equipment that is built for speed if they just wait around all day for the prey?).   Also they use their ability to jump high for larger prey or for quick retreats.

TERRITORY:

As the name suggests Kruswik Hoppers scour the Kruswik plain on the north of the continent of Southern Sarvonia (Southern sarvonia is a continent, perhaps you should just say central sarvonia?).

HABITAT:
These little Sarvonian lizards live in the open plain of Kruswik. They make their nests in rare grass bushes or even on an open plain. The holes have a round entry point with grass hiding it from preying eyes. (This paragraph seems to move too quickly, perhaps before the last sentence you should have a sentence which says something like 'Kruswik hoppers live in underground holes')

The inside of a hole or a lair is much more roomier than it looks from outside with two rooms where each of them is around one square ped. One of those rooms is used for egg-keeping and there is where mother dig the eggs into the ground for incubation. The second room is where the parents sleep after a long day (or night) hunt. (This seems very intelligent, perhaps it should be mentioned in the special abilities section?)

BEHAVIOUR:
The Hoppers live in so-called ‘’swarms’’-large groups for almost a hundred members, with nearly ¼ of young lizards and another ¼ of unhatched eggs. These creatures don't spend much time in their lairs and can hunt for days. When they eventually get tired of hunting, they retreat into their homes and sleep for about 15 hours before venturing fort (eh?)into another hunt.

As the scientists (the word scientist shouldn't be used, perhaps intelluctals or scholars) noticed Kruswik Hopper's year is divided in four sessions:

1.  The Sleeping Session-from the beginning of Turning Star to
the beginning of Awakening Earth

A period of the year when Kruswik Hoppers are less active then normal.  
Their usual activities in this time of the year include: care for younglings, rare hunting, sleeping.

2. The Love Session-from the beginning of Awakening Earth to the end   of Changing Winds

At the beginning of this period the Hopper look for their mates and at the end females of the species bury the eggs into their common lairs.

3. The Great Hunt Session-from the end of Changing Wind to the beginning of Fallen Leaf (the longest session)

The Hoppers start to gather food for the winter.

4. The Territory Clash Session- From the beginning of Fallen Leaf to the beginning of Turning Star

In this period of the year the young lizards reach adultery and are fighting for new lairs. The older seek to make new lairs and are also involved  into fighting.

DIET:

The Kruswik Hoppers can eat almost every warmblooded creature ( even  heavily armed humans or ferocious beasts) they encounter which also prevents them from attacking their lair-mates and other reptiles because these lizards are coldblooded (reword this to something like, though they cannot eat cold-blooded reptiles ECT. (which also stops them from attacking their mates.....also, you wouldn't normally attack a mate because you wanted to eat them would you? this doesn;t make much sense, unless they are potentially cannabilistic).

(should be new paragraph)
They surround the prey and attack it alternately one by one. If a their prey tries to escape on one side of the circle the Hoppers on that side will retreat backwards and the Hoppers on the other side will get closer, constantly attacking and retreating, to that prey. (this doesn't sound much like a swarm, more like  numerous pack hunting...)

MATING:

Not much is known about the mating of these creature because the mating process itself is performed inside the lair. But it is well known from the famous human egg-hunter Worril Sayan and his notes that male's crest changes color from green to red when he is ready for mating. It is also known that the eggs remain in the lair, couple of nailsbredths in the ground until they hatch. The life of the young (?)

MYTH/LORE:

Although it is not known if hopper swarms are capable of attacking human settlements but trough Kruwik steppe's history there were cases of stolen cattle which was found teared in piece. Although this was never proved: some think that Hopper swarms were responsible for the attacks. (this paragraph makes no sense to me)

RESEARCHERS

The only noted researcher of these creatures is Worril Sayan, a Kyranian (Kyranians are an ancient (and extinct) tribe that Helcrani descend from) man who discovered the value of Hopper eggs. He died on one of his egg-thefts by a quick Hopper claw stroke in the head (the sentence doesn't make since...it should say 'he was killed on...' or it should say 'he died on one his... when a quick hopper claw..'). The only thing that was found was his journal which contained a lot of information about Kruswik Hoppers and their lifestyle.

USAGES:

Apart from the value of their scales, the eggs of Kruswik Hopper are very nutritious and healthy but due to the danger of collecting the very same eggs, egg hunters are pretty rare. (what are the scales valuable for?)



A very nice entry, but I do have a conceptual issue. I think their appearence is too extravagent...they seem to me like rainbow lizards, which can only be pulled off with VERY good writing. Perhaps tone it down a little?

Like I said though...very nice

The Almighty Decipher Ziron
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« Reply #8 on: 19 January 2007, 03:15:02 »

Try describing the eyes merely as 'iridescent' and you'll get that flickering, insectoidal hue without any extra explanation necessary... :)
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Arceon Barrurbeleth
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« Reply #9 on: 21 January 2007, 22:04:12 »

Integrated Decipher's comments!

Have a nice reading!
« Last Edit: 01 February 2007, 04:28:03 by Arceon Barrurbeleth » Logged

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« Reply #10 on: 22 January 2007, 01:51:37 »

You still did not intergrate my comments about the lower/upper scales. What are they? What is the difference? What parts of the body do they cover?

You also did not intergrate my comment on the swarm hunting, surrouding until 'prey is discouraged' does not (to me) illustrate swarm hunting. Swarm hunting is when a huge wave of creatures simultaneously attack another (normally larger) creature.

You did not intergrate my usages comments at all

When somebody gives you commentary you do not just add a couple of words, you must add sentences (sometimes even paragraphs) so that there ideas are shown fully. If you don't agree with my comments, tell me so but  tell me why. I think a reintergration of my comments is order.

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Arceon Barrurbeleth
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« Reply #11 on: 22 January 2007, 03:39:03 »

Sorry, Decipher, for being so perfunctory in reading your comments.  cry

There is another correction of my entry (still) in yellow.
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« Reply #12 on: 24 January 2007, 04:23:31 »

Better Arceon! Though there are a few minor spelling errors I thinks it's fine. But fine is not what we want, we want entertaining. One point I adopted from Gean was including eyewitness reports... Perhaps you could do an account of them hunting, that would be fun to read (and write I'm sure).

Well?
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« Reply #13 on: 24 January 2007, 04:26:48 »

*shuffling something in his head*

When you think about it that way, it is kinda funny! grin
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« Reply #14 on: 24 January 2007, 04:28:58 »

I'll take that as a yes...
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