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Author Topic: The Carteloreen  (Read 5767 times)
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #15 on: 03 July 2007, 05:51:06 »

Much better now, the first stanza!

Didn't read farther - tomorrow, I spent the evening on the couch sleeping ;)
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Alassiel Telrúnya
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« Reply #16 on: 06 July 2007, 00:08:38 »

I've changed the 'triangular' issue, but I'm still not sure if it works. Having only just become a teenager a few months ago, I'm unsure to some extent of the rules of poetry. :)
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #17 on: 06 July 2007, 05:42:44 »

Alassiel, I'll help you , I'm just a bit stressed currently, but Monday all will be better ;)
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #18 on: 09 July 2007, 04:30:52 »

/ - / - / - /
/ - / - / - /
/ - / - / - /
/ - / - / - /


The Carteloreen

Sometimes called Carteloreen,
Noble as a King or Queen;
Wreathed in waves and breathing air,
Such magnificence is rare!

Heads   so soft,   () triangular,
Body stripes irregular;
Two front flukes and shoulders humped,
Tap‘ring  tails to help them jump.

Let Thytellor sweep through seas
With its eerie melodies,
Graceful beaching, dancing pods
Make the watchers all applaud.

Four main types of sentient beasts,
North to South and West to East,
They have Dopholk friends, it’s true,
Allies of the Merfolk too!

Legends tell of Silffin’s name,
Men from ice with eyes of flame;
White Sword-Whale of Baveras,
Riders of the northern pass.

Mystery surrounds these whales
Many don’t know what it veils;
Now let’s all return to land,
Leave behind the shells and sand.



Well, the rhythm is here now, though some passages seem to be a bit forced. But generally it is ok I think. I don't know though in every case , to what you refer!

It is surely not a prize worthy poem, Alassiel, but it not bad either! I dare not remember my first steps with poems ;)

Go on!
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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« Reply #19 on: 09 July 2007, 04:41:27 »

Thank you so much, Talia, I've changed that verse. I know it's definitely not a prize-worthy poem, and I wouldn't be surprised if Art thinks it's too bad to be integrated. But it's worth a shot! I probably shouldn't embarass myself writing poems. I think in the future I'll stick to writing instead.

I know! Could I include in the intro that it was written by a poet famous for his bad poems? Maybe I could say that his whale poem was so bad that it became famous. Now that's an idea! goodidea
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #20 on: 09 July 2007, 04:44:44 »

LoL, no Alassiel! iIt may not be a prize worthy poem, but it is not a bad poem, it is a nice poem! I must say, I don't like many poems which get prizes, maybe because i don't understand them ;)
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #21 on: 09 July 2007, 14:58:28 »

Blue Arrow!
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
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Alassiel Telrúnya
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« Reply #22 on: 09 July 2007, 15:34:07 »

Thanks! Do I change it myself, or does someone change it for me? rolleyes
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Ta`lia of the Seven Jewels
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« Reply #23 on: 09 July 2007, 20:00:37 »

Quote from the developers 1x1:


(blue arrow)  .. Entry is ready for upload. Don't add this posticon, if there wasn't at least one of the veteran members who gave you the ok to do so.


You can now change it for yourself!  :)
In other cases, where no veteran member had looked it is done by Art.
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"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path  that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking,  breathlessly. ~Don Juan"
***Astropicture of the Day***Talia's Long, Long List***
Alassiel Telrúnya
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« Reply #24 on: 10 July 2007, 02:06:16 »

Cool! Thanks again, Talia! hug
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